Bucket's advice column

askBucket

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: is there ANY WAY ON MYSPACE 2 SEE WHO VIEWED YOUR PROFILE??????????

No. No matter what the bulletins say. We can see how many people viewed, but not who.

Q: heyy..im a little bit bigger girl..i absolutly LOVE designer clothes and i can afford them, i dont want to do anything unhealthy to lose weight but iv also tried many diet and exercise plans such as slim fast and seventeen mag. ideas, i can fit into SOME of these clothes but not alot..I NEED HELP!!can i have some good stores that you recommend too, i need a TOTAL wardrobe makeover so they cant be like too expensive beyond control or my parents wont allow it..thanx!!your a life saver!!

First of all, as far as where you said you wanted to lose more weight. You said that you can afford designer clothes, so I'm assuming that you can also afford a personal trainer or a nutritionist. I think you should talk to your parents and see if they will hire someone, because someone like that will be able to tell you specifically what will work for YOU, not everyone else in the world, and you'll get better results that way.

As far as clothes go, there are lots of stores with clothes that would fit you, such as:

- American Eagle
- Torrid (it's not name brand, but they have really cute stuff and it's not ALL punkish)
- Lacoste
- Nordstrom
- Macy's

Q: Ok i feel kind of dumb asking myself a question but i need to know what i can tell myself.... I am really scared because my bf for 1 month wants to have sex and i told him i was a virgin(yeah right) but he told me he wanted to take my virginity what on earth should i do?

You should wait.

Look, the 'yeah right' implies that you aren't actually a virgin. And if you felt like you had to lie to your boyfriend, then you obviously aren't ready to have sex with him, right? I think you should tell him that you're not ready to have sex. You don't have to tell him you lied about your virginity, but you should say something like, "Look, I like you a lot, but I'm just not ready, and if you respect me and care for me, you'll wait until I am."

If you ARE in fact a virgin and I just misread that, I still think you should wait. Again, if you're not 100% sure that it's time, or if you have to ask what you should do, then you're obviously not ready.

I'm not saying you should wait for any certain amount of time, like years or even months, but I do think you should wait until you're 100% sure that you're ready to have sex with him (or anyone else, for that matter).

Q: the other night me and my boyfriend were having sex and he was about to cum and he came on my stomach then he stuck it back in with out wiping it off can i get pregnant or not ?

Yes, you can get pregnant. Here's why:

1] Men release 'pre-cum' during sex, which is basically sent out there to get rid of any urine that might still be in his urethra, because urine kills sperm. However, that pre-cum DOES contain sperm, and you can get pregnant even if he doesn't actually cum inside you.
2] Obviously, if he didn't wipe his penis off, there was still sperm it. You can also get pregnant from that.

Long story short, yes. Chances are smaller than if he came inside you, but that doesn't mean anything. Right now, it's too late to take the morning after pill and you're obviously not on birth control (or you'd have said something). I'd suggest keeping tabs on yourself and praying that you get your period on time. If you end up being more than 3-5 days late, then take a pregnancy test. Try not to stress about it too much, because you can create a false negative or a false positive on a pregnancy test.

Q: I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months now. we've been long distance for 3 of the months. [yes, it's crazy but I truely love him]. I sent him a box of goodies for valentines day & a present for his birthday. He's never sent me anything... not for anniversaries or anything. 5 months back he got me a bracelet for my birthday & then a scrapbook & stuff for christmas. I don't want to sound snobby or anything... I would love a ring from a 25 cent machine... just something to show he's thinking about me. Any ideas on how to do it wihout sounding rude? thanks!

I understand where you're coming from, but some guys just aren't into buying gifts. Still, it's great to receive them.

I think you should talk to your boyfriend. Tell him how much you love and appreciate him, but that you love receiving little trinkets to let you know he's thinking of you. Make sure you tell him that it doesn't have to be expensive, just that you'd love to get little packages from him. You can even say, "I'll make you a deal. I'll send you a little package every time you send me one. That way we always know that we're thinking about each other."

Hopefully, he'll take the hint but won't think you're trying to get his money or be a gold-digger. =]

Q: i have a male hamster and today i noticed that he has a something like a small ball on his butt.It scared me because i dont know what to do about it!!do you think that he is sick?

Well, if the bump has always been there, then it's probably normal -- I used to have a hamster and I don't remember a bump like that.

If it's a new thing, though, he could have something wrong with him. You should take him to the vet -- it could be expensive because hamsters are considered exotic animals, but it's worth it if you love your pet.

Some veterinarians will give you a consultation over the phone, if you just say something like, "I have a hamster and I can't afford to have him looked at unless a vet thinks something could be wrong with him; do you think this is normal?" That's what my vet did for my puppy, and he ended up telling me it was normal and I didn't have to bring her in (and I saved $60).

Q: When you give a bloy job. is it smarter to spit or swallow? jus wondering! i've given on before.. but that taste is so gross! and its jus weird to spit.. so i'd like to know what everyone else thought about that! thanks! :)

Well, I'd say swallow, for these reasons:

1] It doeosn't make a mess... haha.
2] The longer you keep it in your mouth (like, while you find a place to spit), the worse it tastes.
3] Guys for some reason think it's cool. I don't know why.

But it's still your choice. It won't hurt you, or anything like that. =]

Q: f/14. okay so i'v had my period for 4 years now.
and its still not on a regular cycle. after the first year i started marking it down on what days i got it and stuff.
ill post it here, it is extremely weird.

Jan 2005 - none
Feb 2005 - none
March 2005 - none
April 2005 - 4th-10th & 18th-19th
May 2005 - 26th-31st continued--
June 2005 - 1st-13th
July 2005 - 8th-11th & 17th-24th
Aug 2005 - none
Sep 2005 - 11th-16th
Oct 2005 - 5th & 16th-18th
Nov 2005 - none
Dec 2005 - 24th-27th
Jan 2006 - none
Feb 2006 - 20th-22nd
March 2006 - none
April 2006 - 15th-20th
May 2006 - none
June 2006 - none
July 2006 - none
Aug 2006 - none
Sep 2006 - 20th-23rd
Oct 2006 - none
Nov 2006 - none
Dec 2006 - 16th-21st
Jan 2007 - 24th-27th
Feb 2007 - none
March 2007 - 30th-31st continued --
April 2007 - 1st-4th
May 2007 - nothing yet. except i had a little dot of blood when i went to the bathroom yesterday. and thats it.

sorry its so long, it easier to see on a calendar

see like sometimes it will be like 3 days and otehrs it will be a week or more. and sometimes i go months without getting it.

i am a very healthy person, i excersise regularly and eat healthy and drink plenty of water. i am 5'0 and 107 ibs, mostly muscle in my legs since i play soccer.

if anybody could have an idea why this is happening, that would help. i just don't want to have some weird disease or disorder.

thankss.

Wow, that is EXTREMELY off!

It could be that your body just isn't on the right timing cycle. Or, you could have something wrong with your reproductive organs.

You need to talk to your mom. Have you showed her this calendar? If you haven't, do it. Then, you need to go to the gynecologist and get checked out -- just to make sure you're healthy down there.

If you're healthy and your cycle is just way off, then you might want to consider birth control. Talk to your mom and your doctor about it, because it can definitely regulate your periods -- true, you'll get one every month, which is a little more of a hassle, but at least it'll be regular. =]

Q: today i just got birth control from my doctor called yaz and i didn't get it to prevent pregnacy i got it for irrgeluair periods.
anyways my question is before i start taking this some people have told me it will make me gain wieght is that true?
and will it make my breast bigger?

I was on Yaz for awhile, and it didn't make me gain weight and didn't make my breasts bigger (unfortunately, haha). However, my friend was on it too, and she gained 15 lbs, and a full cup size.

It all depends on the woman. Most likely, you won't see much change, but yes, it could happen.

Q: my best friends mom is kind of an acholic and like one time me and my friend went to a movie and her mom didn't pick us up so we walked home. my mom got really mad and i can't like go over to her house anymore. her mom won't let her come over to my house either. i really want to hang with my best pal it's just i can't what do i say to my mom?

Well, it's not your friend's fault that her mother has an alcohol problem, and your mother needs to understand that. Try to sit down and have a mature (as in NO yelling) conversation with your mother, and explain to her that while you understand her reasons for wanting you to be away from that type of environment, but you really want to be able to hang out with your friend. Ask your mom if the two of you can work out some sort of compromise -- where you get to hang out with your friend, but you never have to be in a situation where you're around her mother's alcoholism. Suggest that your friend come over twice a week for a few hours, or that your mom take the two of you to a movie or ice skating or something, once a week. Hopefully your mother will realize that your friend's mom isn't your friend's problem -- or yours, for that matter, and hopefully she'll give in to some sort of contact between the two of you.

Q: okay, when you ask a question, why can't you talk in the abbreviated words like i dont know and stuff? Is there any way to get rid of this?

1] Because we're all big kids and we use real words.

2] No.

Q: 14/f
ive been going out with my boyfriend for not even a month but ive liked him for a really long time we were at the movies the other day and i gave him a hand job..it was my first time and now i feel really slutty and i regret it..is this normal?

Also we said that we werent going to tell ne one and that it was going to be "our little secret" but i really wanna tell my best friend..do u think i should?

1] You shouldn't feel slutty. You did something that felt right at the time, and if you regret it a little, that's fine -- but don't beat yourself up about it.

2] If you still regret it, then stop doing it. 'Nuff said.

3] If you want to tell your friend, then you should. It's your business and your decision whether you tell her.

Q: okay so i really neeed soem help. especially from older girls.
im 15/f and lately ive been getting really bad discharge and it smellsss!
its like yellow and/or clear and its thick
i have to wear pantyliners every day
even with a thong! and change it at least once
i told my mom and she bought me that douche thing but its not working
what wrong with me!?!?
i dont want to have this forever i just want to be able to wear under wear without a pantyliner and without the smell/discahrge going through my pants.

and p.s ive never had any sexual things done to me.

pleasee help!!!!

Well, it could be an infection or something else like that -- you should probably go to the gynecologist just in case. Even if it's not an infection or similar problem, the gyno can probably help you cover the scent and minimize the discharge. =]

By the way, DO NOT DOUCHE. It can cause yeast infections and all sorts of other stuff.

Q: what is dry sex? is it just sex with clothes on, and is it exactly the same as regular sex?

Well, it's not really sex at all, by definition, because 'sex' implies that a man inserts his penis into a woman's vagina. Dry sex, also known as dry humping, is just sort of 'going through the motions' as real sex.

Q: um, well yesterday i accidentally slipped to one of my friends that i like someone, and now she keeps bothering me about who it is. and i cant believe i slipped it out.

so now, everytime i look at her, she is staring at me, and before ANYONE knew i liked someone, i would stare at him non-stop and no one would notice! but now with her staring at me 24/7 i cant really look at him or talk to him as much as i used to!!

AND I CANNOT TELL HER WHO IT IS. she will barf and she's not even one of my good friends... and i dont really trust her too much. should i say i stopped liking him? will she be even MORE suspicious, then, thinking i lied to her? or should i wait like, until monday and say i dont like him anymore (when i really still do...)?

please helpp

Well, if she's not even one of your good friends and you don't trust her, then why does her opinion matter to you? If you really like the guy, then you shouldn't worry about what she thinks. Feel free to keep liking him and pursuing him if you want -- that's YOUR life and YOUR business. If she has a problem with it, then she's not just 'not a good friend', she's a downright BAD friend.

Q: This is a really weird question, but how do you use a tampon? Sorry but i just cant figure it out. Thanks.

Well, it depends on the kind of tampon you use. What I would suggest is buying a box of tampons (probably Playtex SlimFits if it's your first time, or anything else with a plastic applicator). When you open the box, there will be a piece of paper with instructions, frequently asked questions, and even pictures to show you exactly how to do it.

Q: whats the difference between a blowjob and a handjob?
and do you think that 13 is to young to give either?

thanks

A blowjob is where you use your mouth to get a guy to orgasm. A handjob is using your hands to bring him to orgasm. Same goal, different methods.

Yes, I think 13 is too young. You can get diseases from performing sex acts, and if you do one thing with a guy, you'll be more likely to do other things with him too -- risking more STDs and pregnancy, not to mention ruining your reputation. Please wait a while.

Q: ok so im turning 16 in a few months and in NY thats when you can get your permit so i was wondering what was the best car for a young driver for under $14,000

I'd say something cheap and safe -- like an old Volvo. Yeah, it's not that pretty, but like I said, it's safe and cheap and it's a car.

Q: What is the correct method of washing hair! like how long do you keep shampoo in, how should you massage conditioner into your hair and what not!
Thanks

1] Put a quarter sized amount of shampoo in the palm of your hand, then massage it in.
2] Leave it in for about one minute -- while my shampoo's in, I like to put my facewash on my face, shave my underarms, then wash my facewash off. Then I rinse my shampoo.
3] Put some conditioner into your hand and massage into your hair -- it should only be applied to the ends, but I have to massage it into all of my hair because my hair is all different lengths.
4] Leave the conditioner in for 2-3 minutes -- this is about how long it takes for me to shave my legs. Then rinse the conditioner out.

Q: I just bought Avril's new CD. I realized it was edited. Some words were clearly noticeable, but one I just noticed now -- For example, in Everything Back But You, she says "Hey hey psycho babe" when I found out she REALLY says, in the unedited version, "Bitch, slut, psycho babe" Whats up with this?! I searched EVERYWHERE for a part on the CD saying this CD was a clean version! Honestly I hate it. When they just block out words, you can clearly tell. It bugs me. Its too late to return the CD, but is it supposed to be like this, and why? Even the little book inside, with the lyrics inside are edited!

1] It won't say that it's a clean version; it just won't say that it's a dirty version either. If it was unedited, it would have had the black & white Parental Advisory sticker on the front.

2] Did you buy it at Wal*Mart? Because everything they sell is edited. Next time, go to a music store or even Target.

bio

Hey there. I'm Holly, and I'm 19. I've been through a lot in my life -- literally, if you can name it, I've probably dealt with it or know someone who has. Unfortunately, it sucks, but fortunately, it puts me in a great position to help people that need advice. Feel free to ask me anything about anything. =]