I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173000
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So, I don't wanna sound like dumb or anything...but what exactly ARE all the bases...
Thanks...xoxo (link)
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First - kissing.
Second - touching on the top.
Third - touching on the bottom.
Home - sex.
Of course, that leaves a lot of room for all the other in-between stuff, but those are the basics.
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im 16 in high school this year we had a new history teacher.im dislexic and he always picks on me about it and sends me out of every lesson since september.for reasons that are pathetic like asking questions too loudly.on friday he sent me out of the lesson within 3 minutes.i dont know what to do,i like the subject its interesting but im thinking of dropping it because of the teacher.what shall i do?shall i drop it?pleese reply asap (link)
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If your teacher is picking on your because you are dyslexic, he is breaking the law. Treating someone in a cruel or harmful way because they have different abilities is not only uninformed, but illegal.
I'd speak to a guidance counselor, your parents, another teacher you trust, or the principal...if you know that the dyslexia is the problem, rather than your actual behaviour.
You shouldn't drop a class which you enjoy or could be useful to you in the future; hopefully there is more than one science class/teacher, or at the very least the principal can speak with your current teacher.
It's your responsibility to write down the dates/times he makes hurtful or innappropriate comments, what he says or does, and then tell someone. You're only allowing yourself to be a victim if you keep your mouth shut or drop the class.
You have every right to a good education, whether you have dyslexia or not. If anything, the school has a responsibility to provide you with extra support.
Stand up for yourself. Good luck.
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okay well i have this problem..there is this guy and i have been going out with him for about 2 months..and i went to a party with him last weekend..and for some really weird reason..it was really weird to be around him..like i didnt want to go out with him ne more..and hes really nice and all..but i keep comparin him to my ex bf..who is going out with my friend..and he was like my very first love..and i just cant get over him! and its irritating..well anyways back to the current boyfriend situation..he hasnt talked to me whatsoever this week..so im thinkin that i should breakup with him cuz i dont think he likes me ne more..and i dont think i like him ne more..
so here are my questions..should i break up with him? and if so how should i do it (like what should i say) and HOW CAN I GET OVER MY EX! lol cuz i really want to..but its just always coming back to haunt me (link)
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Okay, one thing at a time. You should decide if you want to break up with this guy based on how YOU feel about him, not how you think he feels about you. If you don't like him anymore, there's no point in dating him. It doesn't really matter if you don't like him because of who he is or because you are hung up on your ex - not liking someone is not liking them.
And how you should do it? However you are most comfortable - email, letter, phone, in person. Whichever way you choose, I'd avoid saying those things which everyone knows are lies, like 'It's not you, it's me.' Because let's face it...honesty might hurt, but it's appreciated. Being really open, yet kind, is the best way.
As to your ex? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there is something very special about first loves - I still think of mine every now and then. I think what helped me get over mine was thinking about the things which weren't great about our relationship; people break up for a reason, you know.
If you focus on yourself and friends, you'll end up gaining confidence and finding a new guy you really connect with. Before long, you'll be in a happy relationship and be able to think of your ex fondly, but without still wanting to be with him. I really think it's just one of those things that takes time to heal over.
Best of luck.
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what are the chances of a condom having a hole in it?? i had sex with my boyfriend and i know it didnt break cuz i know what that feels like....and nothing has ever happened before.....but like im worried for some reason..... (link)
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The chances of a brand new, reputable brand condom having a hole? Very small.
I will point out that 'very small' is also the size any hole would be; a hole doesn't even have to be visible to allow sperm through. That's how tiny sperm are.
While I think chances are you are okay (the male condom is 98% effective if used properly), I would wonder why you are so worried about this situation. Of course, you are RIGHT to be worried - getting pregnant or contracting a disease (even tinier than sperm, incidentally) can really change your life.
Perhaps all this worry is your sunconscious' way of letting you know that you're not fully ready for sex?
Best wishes.
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im moving from fresno texas to birmingham MI, its a wealthy suburb of detroit. im losing my mind because im so scared. i HATE the cold and i won't know anyone. does anyone live there or close to it? can u tell me how it is in the winter and stuff like that? thanks. (link)
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Birmingham is a nice area. There's tons of cute shops, nice restaurants, and really REALLY good schools. The cold is pretty frigid at times - I can't lie - but it's nothing good winter clothes can't fix. And on the plus side, school is often cancelled for snowdays, which is always fun!
Plus, you've got all the fun winter activities which you might not have experienced before: skiing, snowboading, ice skating, toboganning, etc. Or the winter is always a really good excuse to stay inside and be lazy.
It'll take some getting used to, I think, but Michigan is a lovely state.
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O-k i know this is a weird question and all but i had a nig crush ont his guy when i was like 16 and he was 18. we got together for a week and he told me the sweetest things but after 2 days he told me he was gay! he tells me tht he's confused and i don't kno what to do ! help! (link)
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Well, I think what you need to do is not date this guy, but be supportive. It sounds like you genuinely liked each other, and if he is questioning his sexuality he could really use a good friend or two.
I think it's important to put aside any hurt feelings you might have - this guy must really trust you and value you as a person if he told you he thinks he is gay. He wants support, not a reaction of disgust or hurt.
I understand how frustrating it can be to like someone who won't ever really like you in a romantic way (for whatever reason), but at least he's been upfront and honest with you. Imagine if you'd dated for a year and THEN found out!
So..stay in contact. Be his friend. Who knows - maybe he is straight or bisexual and just needs time to figure himself out. But if he IS gay, you'll save yourself heartbreak now if you try to stop thinking of him as a crush.
You want (and deserve!) someone who will like you the same way you like them.
Good luck.
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during any type of sexual activities, how long is it supposed to take before a guy has an "orgasm"? i think i have a problem, because in less than a minute i already bust. whats wrong? (link)
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Nothing's wrong - everyone is just different. There are some things you can do to slow down or delay orgasm, though.
First, when you masturbate, get yourself close to the edge and then slow down. Give yourself a couple of minutes to regain control, and then begin again. This method helps you learn to control your ejaculation, as well as making you very familiar with your body - where the invisible, tiny line is between pleasure and orgasm.
Some people also say you can think of math problems or whatever - but to me, that idea seems to take away some of the pleasure. I'd just work on making yourself last longer when you are alone.
Good luck.
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I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months and we really love eachother. We've talked about the whole sex thing and agreed that we'd wait until we were together for a longer period of time. My boyfriend said that he's ready whenever I'm ready but he doesn't want to pressure me into anything that I don't want to do. The thing is, I really AM ready. I know that he is the one that I want to lose my virginity to him and he wants to lose his virginity to me. Every time I see him, I get tempted to do more and more with him but I have to stop myself. It's not that I'm scared it's just that I feel that we haven't been together long enough to be doing anything like that. I trust him and I know he won't hurt me. I don't want to become tempted and do that. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I can avoid myself from being tempted? I can't have sex with him, it's not the right time for us yet. Thanks so much if you can help! If anyone is in or has been in my situation, tell me how you handled it or how you are handling it. (link)
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I guess the biggest defence against anything is your brain. Spend some time alone really thinking about what it means to be ready for sex - it sounds like some of the pieces have fallen into place, while the timing issue is still big in your mind.
I'd try to figure out why timing is so important, and when you think is an appropriate amount of time to wait. If you are perfectly clear in your head about your expectations, it's easier to let your boyfriend know what you're thinking about - and also easier to not slip into temptation.
Be honest with yourself about your wants and needs, and then share them with your boyfriend. If you both are waiting till a certain special time and are committed to that, then it might be easier than you sort of fighting alone against all the pressure.
Good luck.
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* My Weird School Dealy*
Posted Monday November 15 2004, 1:30 am
Okay. here it is. I was raped a few days ago. By my neighbor. He lives like three houses down. We went to a house that my brother broke into, so they could have a cigarette break before going to the gym. Well they brough some alcohol and we started drinking shots of all kinds of stuff. I done atleast a whole bottle of GIN! I was drunk of my ass. We played some games. I wasnt all together. My neighbor who is 16 and is my NJROTC Commanding officer, locked me in a room when i was drunk and raped and he had a condom. (how and why did he have a condom i have no idea) I remember him shovin his dick down my throat when i was on the ground and chocking me. The picked me raped my ass and the detective said i passed out and he raped me in my vaginal area. I was so sad. I went depressed after a while. Almost scuicide but i told my parents. The cops and detective wanted to arrest him. They had SOOOO much evidence its not funny. But the detective went to the state and the state said i wasnt drunk enough and dropped the case. Can you please explain to my why would they do that to me? and isnt that wrong? Now im locked in my house and cant go to school. What should i do?
Any one who helps me the most ill leave them a GREAT COMMENT and A BIG RATE!
-Unknown- (link)
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You need to get a lawyer. It's utterly ridiculous that the state would say you were not drunk enough - you do not have to be drunk to get raped. You could have been stone cold sober and been raped; alcohol has nothing to do with it.
The fact that you were forced into sexual acts is enough that you should be able to press charges.
Aside from all that, I'd get in touch with a local rape counselor. You can find them by calling national rape helplines (do a search on google!) or by looking in your yellow pages. It's imporant that you get help to deal with this - whether charges are pressed against the rapist or not.
YOU ARE THE VICTIM. Why do you have to stay locked in your house? You need to be attending school and getting on with your life, not treated like a criminal. Speak to a therapist and your parents - being isolated at home isn't going to make the situation any easier.
My thoughts are with you.
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okay so im 13..and i have the BEST boyfriend in the world..and weve been going out for 2 years! and i feel so happy w/him and its not like so kid stuff, i relaly care for him..and he wants to finger me? but likewhen you finger someone doesnt like discharge get on your fingers? and im afraid he'll get grossed out..what should i do..should i let him?
(link)
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As far as your boyfriend goes, if a little vagina-smell on his fingers would gross him out, he's really not ready to be going to that level.
As far as YOU go, this is a big step. Make sure you are absolutely comfortable and ready for it - if not, it sounds like your relationship is solid enough to wait a bit longer.
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I'm a okay ice-skater , and recently , i met ( well , not really ) this guy at the rink . He's really good , and he's an ice hockey player . I've not really talked to him before besides this one time when we collided , and we exchanged apologies and stuff .Well, i think i have a crush on him cuz i can't get him out of my head ... He's usually , ( but not always ) with his friends , and i want to know how to approach him . Any suggestions ? i rate high !!
please help , thanks ... =) (link)
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You should go rent the movie 'Cutting Edge.' It's about an ice skater who falls in love with a hockey player.
I realize this doesn't answer your question, but I thought it was funny to read this question as I JUST watched that movie last night.:)
Enjoy!
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Me and my boyfriend are trying to get me pregnant but it seems to be not working. I just got out of collage and im living in an apartment with him and we have sex every other day .. it isnt working.. is there something I shouldnt be doing?
Thank you.
Victoria (link)
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The simple answer? Figure out when you are ovulating, and then have sex during that time of your cycle. Having sex every other day is not doing you any favours - it is lowering the sperm count.
If you guys hold off a bit and only have sex during your most fertile period, that means there are more sperm to reach your egg.
Think about how stressful it is just trying to get pregnant, and then multiply that by a million - sleepness nights, financial responsibility, raising a child without two committed adults (ie marriage) - just things to consider.
If you want more specific guidance about ovulation, ask me a question or do a simple search on Google. Also, check out fertilyfriend.com.
Good luck.
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ok, I was 12 whenever I first had sex...( I know Kinda young but...I was turning 13 soon) Well...it hurt SUPERSUPER bad but they say that after it hurts it's supposed to feel godd...but it didn't...it never once felt good...then the second time (i've only done it 2 times) it still didn't feel good..it kind hurt..adn once again NEVER once felt good?!?! whats wrong with me?!?! (link)
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There are a few reasons it might not feel good. First, your vagina is very small - sex hurts the first few times, but you're right..it usually starts feeling better during sex.
At 12 or 13, your body is not producing the right sort of hormones - you are not through puberty, and your body does not give you the same sort of drives or full capacity to enjoy sex.
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Don't take this the wrong way. I'm 13/f and I'm ok with the regualr sex (WHEN I'M MARRIED) But even though I'm too your to think about it, 69 and oral sex I'm scared of. I just really dont feel comfortable with the idea. I wouldn't wanna lick the boy's thing, and I wouldn't want his tounge "up there" please help me becuase I really am scared. (link)
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First of all, sex is intensely personal. Everyone has things they like and don't like. When you get older, if you still feel the same - you're okay. You're normal.
Be open and upfront with your partner, but also be willing to trust someone and let them trust you.
If you're not having sex until much later, then I would try to relax. Your views might change, and if they don't you'll have gained confidence over the years to stand up for yourself.
You'll be fine. I promise.
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I cut myself. I've been cutting for about half a year. I've never had a problem hiding it or anything. Just recently I've been trying to stop. I know its bad. My problem is that I have P.E. starting 2nd semester (in January) and I don't know how to hide the scars (I'm going to have it 2nd period if it helps). My parents don't know, and I don't want them to know either. We have to wear uniforms so I don't know how I'm gonna pull this off. Also, bracelets and jewelry aren't allowed. Any ideas? Thank you. (link)
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Time will fade scars, but there are some ways to help it along. Go to your local drugstore and get some Palmer's Cocoa Butter with Vitamin E - this is what surgeons recommend to help heal skin after major incisions have been made. It increases the elasticity in your skin as well as helping the scars fade some.
Of course, the only way to get this current crop of scars gone is to stop cutting and then wait. While Cocoa Butter (applied twice daily) can dramatically help with scars, it's not a miracle worker.
Have you considered talking to someone you trust about this situation? Cutting might take away some of your symptoms of pain/confusion/depression, but it's not helping with the deeper issues...or you would've stopped cutting by now.
Talk to somebody, find other creative ways to deal with anger (get a free online journal and whine/moan/complain/vent to your heart's content!), and get some cocoa butter.
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when u go to the gyno i know that they can tell if your a virgin but can they tell if you masturbate too? (link)
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A gyno can't tell if you are a virgin or if you masturbate. Every vagina is different, and so it's hard for a doctor to make sweeping generalizations.
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Ok.. I'm bi.. and me and my boyfriend want to have a three sum with this chik.. (shes pretty cute) well.. i really dont know how to do a three-sum.. ive never done it before.. how exactly do they work..
also.. is there anything wrong with being bi.. i mean.. mom and dad dont know! but i think its better.. is there something wrong with that? (link)
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Of course there's nothing wrong with being bisexual. It simply means you like people you like, no matter what their gender. It's open-minded and a very okay way to live.
That being said, three-ways are a recipe for disaster. I can pretty much guarantee that when three-somes enter a relationship, it breaks down. Why? Trust issues, jealousy, and the fact that you guys obviously aren't interested in a committed relationship. I'm not trying to judge, merely to point out some stuff you should be aware of.
If you decide to have a threesome, safe sex is best. There's no one way to have a threesome, but generally making sure everyone is included seems like it would be the best idea.
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Hey, I have a gf, and she says she loves me, and we have been going out for about a week. The only times she says "I love you" is on the computer. I even say it when we are in person and she doesn't say it back... she has told me her feelings and she says she really loves me, and she is like crazy about me, but my question is: How come she won't say it back? (link)
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Maybe she's never said it before. Maybe she's nervous. Or maybe she isn't really clear how she feels.
After a week, love hasn't even entered the equation. You two might feel like you really like each other, or that you might love each other one day...but one week does not love make.
Perhaps she realizes this, and it's much easier to type out 'I love you' than say it.
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Hi
I'm very confused about my boyfriend as he is causing chaos in my life and I'm not sure what to do. I've been going out with him for 3 years and the first year was great, although we both had partners when we got together. He has a history of cheating on his girlfriends and treating them badly but I was prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt as he treated me so well. He was sweet, funny, attentive but the more I got to know him I realised that he wasn't the same person I thought I knew. He was also an amphetamine addict who eventually gave up and then was diagnosed with depression.
When I moved in with him last year I found him to be lying constantly, playing mind games, criticising me, being moody, shouting and blaming me for things that go wrong in his life. He has called me names, told me lies that are so obvious yet protests he's telling the truth. I also suspected he was having an affair with a woman around the corner from us which all the evidence pointed to. At the same time he was Mr Charming to everyone else as he manipulated people into thinking that he was a victim, and seemed to have this double personality.
I became so miserable and insecure that I moved out and 55 miles away to live with my parents, which he didn't seem to be bothered about. However within a few days he was ringing me, cying that he couldn't live without me, so I agreed to see him at weekends to help him through his depression. I was seeing him every weekend since May this year but he has only visited me 3 time in all that time, making excuses that he has no money (more lies). Then he hires cars for the weekend occasionally out of spite to prove that he indeed has money but still pretends he can't afford it! When I'm there he acts aloof and doesn't appreciate how much effort and money I spend to see him and doesn't make me feel special or loved. Yet when I'm away and refuse to answer his telephone calls he bombards me with phone calls making false promises of moving to be with me. He goes out with his friends drinking but when I visit he never seems to have any money to do anything and constantly complains about how worse off he is. I feel like I'm going mad as he acts like a different person, depending who he is with at the time. He even lies about when he sees his family and withholds conversation from me about their lives so I never know what he really does from one day to the next except what he wants to tell me.
Recently he sold his house at auction and made £60,000 but has nowhere to live and claims that he sold the house for my benefit!! He says he still can't afford to see me. The only thing he is interested in is me buying a house with him, but I don't even feel like he is my boyfriend who loves me. He has a history of bad credit and a CCJ. Should I trust him or is he using me? Why does he play these mind games with me and expect me to see him with promises he never keeps? Should I just dump him?
Thanks
Nicky (link)
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I always find it helpful to step outside of my own mind when I am in these situations. Why not reread your letter to me, but pretend it's a stranger writing to you? What are your impressions?
My impressions are certainly, WITHOUT A DOUBT, that you need to move on. You are not only spending time and money on someone who does not care about you, but you are allowing your emotions to get abused and entagled in a bad situation.
Lying? Cheating? Treating you like shit?
I don't even see why there would be a doubt. People with double personalities can be master manipulators; it's important that you completely cut him from your life. If you allow yourself to be drawn into his mental health issues, become his weekend nursemaid, etc...you're not ever going to be able to escape.
Stand up for yourself and leave this situation. Let you boyfriend know it is over, and then do not respond to emails, phone calls, text msgs, etc. You need to completely cut all contact, or you'll end up in this unhappy relationship for another year...or years. Is this how you want to spend your life? Is this how you imaged a solid, happy relationship to be?
You sound like a genuinely lovely person. Open and share yourself with someone who deserves your respect and is willing to give you some in return. You do not have to put up with this.
Good luck.
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ok i told this guy i like that i liked him..and i did it in person ...then after i told him he was like "can i see your phone" and so i gave it to him and he was just like messing around ..come to find out he put his number in my phone..wat does that mean!? haha ..im really clueless with "guy languagE" thanks! (link)
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You might be clueless understanding guy language, but this guy is clueless in speaking girl language - you're perfect for each other.;)
Seriously, I'd say this is a big sign that he'd like you to get in touch with him. He wants to get to know you more because he's interested in you. He wouldn't have given you the number if he didn't want you to use it, so give him a call!
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