Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84188
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When my girlfriend had a baby she took off a couple weeks after the baby was born. So I've been taking care of her by myself. Well my girlfriend called me and said that she needed money and that she's coming to take Lisa, our baby, and not to fight her on it because she has the right as her mother. I don't know what to do. I still care about her but I think she might be doing drugs again and I don't feel like our baby will be safe with her. I'm afraid that she'll just leave her like she did before except this time I won't be there to take care of her. Does she have the right to take Lisa or can stop her from taking her? If I can stop her how can I do that without causing a lot of stress for the both of us?
Thank you in advance
Jack (link)
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NO there is no way to get through this without causing a lot of stress. YOU HAVE TO GET A LAWYER. OR if you cannot afford one and I imagine you can't call child services, or what ever serves as child services in your state. The babys mother abandoned her. and you have to let child services know that. She just wants the baby back so she can go on welfare. Don't let her have it. It sounds like the two of you are doing well together. You will hate yourself if you let that child go with her Where are your parents. can't they help. Can you stay with them for a while Maybe she won't be so quick to take the baby if your parents also say NO. IF she shows up with the police, it will be for SURE that she will not have told them the truth, and they may not belive you. CALL CHILD SERVICES FIRST THING IN THE MORNING> Tell them everything, I hope you hgave the baby;s birth certificate. So you can prove you are the dad. Please call child services. They can help you. You won't be able to live with yourself if you let her take that baby.
Michele
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I have a weird discharge, it smells a little weird but it smells good to me. In my underwear its stained yellow and its a little crusty whitish. But the significant thing that ive noticed is that on my genitals there is whitish stuff. Like in my inner lips, theres white chunkish stuff, and the closest thing that i can relate it to is cottage cheese. i heard this is an infection, and theres no possible way i can go to a doctor/gyno right now. And sometimes i get this feeling in my vagina thats like a cramp, but INSIDE my vagina like theres a knife stuck in it. It only lasts for about one second but it happens like 3-4 times a day and it stops me in my tracks. 1) Is this really an infection? 2) How do i treat it without going to the doc? (link)
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Well a yeast infection involves a cheesy discharge, and the is not bad odor but with a yeast infection there is a LOT OF ITCHING. And you did not say anything about itching. I wish that it were a yeast infection because that is easy to treat. And I will give you that info just incase. There sell Monistat at all the drug stores. YOu can treat it with that. For relief from the itching, you can put yogurt on the genital area. Plain, cold yogurt, if you were itchy it would being immediate relief.
BUT, I think you have a bacterial infection. It dies not matter if it is syphillys, or gonnoreah, or chlamydia, they are all different kinds of bacterial infections, that HAVE to be treated with ANtibiotics. ANd you nd to be on the anti-biotics for at least 10 days. And you can only get them from a physician. And if you don't go to the doctors, it will ONLY GET WORSE. You will end up dehydraded, with a fever and in the hospital. If you don't get it treated, it can cause scarring of your fallopian tubes, which may make you fertile, and unable to have children in the future. You will regret it. You need to see a doctor. The color yellow is a dead giveaway that it is an infection. So Please go to the DOCTOR>
TOMORROW> Tell them when you call, what is going on and they will see you right away.
MICHELE
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I am a "pad/liner" person... I have never put in a tampon... how does it feel... do you feel it going in and does it hurt when you pull it out? PLEASE HELP ME BECAUSE I AM SICK OF STUPID PADS! (link)
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Well tampons come in different sizes. So you might want to start with the smallest. Don't try them on your heavy days. Try them on the light days to see how well they absorb, Put a small amount of vaseline on the tip. As far as removal, well not it shouldn't hurt. A too large tampon will put pressure on your bladder though and you may have to go to the bathroom more often. And I found that after using tampons for 5 days straight. I got irritated there. If you use them on the heavy days, you'll change them more often just like the pads. So I suggest you use pads first two days and tampons the rest. Hows that?
Michele
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my boyfriend smells really funky down there... is that normal? if not how do i tell him? (link)
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No it's not normal. Suggest that you two take a shower together. Then tell him how much more you enjoy sex when you are both sqeaky clean. Uhhh,if you guys are sneaking around, and have to hide your relationship....then you shouldn't be having sex. He's having all the fun, and you have to be grossed out. That's not fair to you. I hope you can follow through on this suggestion.
Michele
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Hey. I know I should be doing my own homework, but I can't figure this out, and maybe you could help me. I have to figure out what this poem means and the literary elements: The way a crow
Shook down on me
The dust of snow
From a hemlock tree
Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I had rued.
I'm really bad at english and poetry, so please help. Thanks. (link)
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Well this is my guess.
The gentleman was busy sitting under this hemlock tree, or walking beneath the hemlock tree. And he was all wrapped up in some deep dark thoughts. Maybe bad thoughts, Maybe he was having a bad day. The crow, by shaking the snow out of the tree, that landed on his shoulder, sort of woke him up from his thoughts, The way they say it in english, awoke him from his reverie. And his mood changed because he was reminded about the world around him. That he is not the only person in the world. And sometimes problems are made smaller by the realization that this is a big world and we are just a small part of it.
Michele
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My boyfriend and I gave our virginity to eachother ( im 14 he 16) and the way we slept together was we snuck out of the house. I got caught and now I am grounded until June 18 now we got caught on April 25 and ever since then he was acting really weird like he didnt like me anymore and everything else but before april 25 we did it 4 times before that. and he acted fine but the thing is he didnt even get in trouble for sneaking out and hes acting really really really weird. like I talked to him about how he's changing and he said he doesnt know whats going on. so i asked him if he's still interested and he said "i guess so" then the next day i asked him do you want to be with me and he didnt answer then we almost broke up but we didnt and then i said to him i need you to be more affectionate and he said no. and hes not going to change or even try to.
This is very confusing but for people who understand me tell me. Should I break up with him? and what is wrong with him!!
I WILL RATE 5'S!! JUST PLEASE HELP ME!! (link)
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I think your boyfriends parents got to him. And they must have said a lot of bad things about you. I am always surprised when I get questions like these. Young kids never seem to consider the parent factor. Just try to think of the things his parents must have said to him. And if they are in denial. They also told him that none of it was his fault....it was all your fault. And lord knows what they told him if he ever spoke to you agian or spend time with you. Think about this. Could this be the problem. If it is you are up against people who are older, stronger, and have more control that you can hope to have at this age. There is nothing you can do about it. You cannot support him, or give him fancy things, or money. They can, and they can hold these things hostage from him. Freedom, priviledges. Because he is a young boy, he does not want to loose all of his benefits and priviledges that he gets living home. He does not need to be in a relationship with you. He still needs his parents. It does not mean that he did not enjoy the time that you spend together. They just have more power than you. And the reason for that is your ages. You are both too young to be sexually involved. These are the kinds of things that happen. Now you are hurt and feel rejected. If you hadn't gotten intimate with this young man, you could still be friends and "going steady", but now that is not possible. I am really sorry honey. Please do not do this to yourself again. Wait until you are older before you get involved like this. Wait until a young man is ready to disobey his parents if he has too, to see you. But hopefully you will both get your parents blessing. Because you will both be older and more mature. Mature enough to handle these things. Don't go and have sex just because your friends are. I hope this makes things more clear for you, even thought it does not make things better. I am sorry honey.
Michele
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Hi, it's Sam I talked to Lauren but I'm not sure if I can go back now. The guy that I'm working for won't let any of us leave. I'm not even supposed to use the comp. or phone anymore but we have been finding ways to sneak on. We're all trying to find a way to get out of here but none of us are even sure where we are. Lauren said that if I can figure where I am she can get me out of here but I don't want her to get hurt. I don't want anyone to get hurt...especially because of me. We're going to try running away tomorrow night when we're supposed to be working. We're gonig to try and stay together and find one of those houses that you were talking about but we don't know where we are so we don't know how to get to one so we were thinking about just running until we found somewhere to stay. Is there anyway for us to find out where we are? And if I do get to Laurens what will happen to me and what will happen to them they're runaways too and if we get caught then we're all in a lot of trouble is there anyway that we can get help and avoid getting into trouble? I know that you said that those houses won't turn us in but would they take us even though we've broken a lot of laws? Thank you again for all the help you've given me.
Sam (link)
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Yyes, yes, yes Sam, they will take all of you in. No matter what laws you have broken, You just have to follow the rules once you get there. Try a fire station. In this state all fire stations are "safe houses" for children that are being abused. Listen closely. Do you even hear fire engines at night. Listen to where they are coming from. GO in that direction. RUN RUN. And if the guy follows you all SCREAM, as loud as you can. More than anything he does not want to get caught. It is smarter for him to run that to try and catch all of you. Too many of you. And none of your girls know enough about him to get him in trouble. Because he has told you nothing, you don't even know where you are, and he planned it that way. So go to the nearest fire station. They will ask you who to call, CAll Lauren. And let her mom help. Lauren will be able to get all of you to the Covenant House. I wish I was there to help. Please please run, he can't go after you. He runs the risk of getting caught.
It is safer for him to let your girls go if you manage to get away.
Let me know what happens
MIchele
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My husband and I were born, raised and married in Italy. We moved to Houston, TX together in 1994 and had our daughter in 1996. She currently goes to a multi-cultural school where she has befriended many Bosnian girls. I never gave a second thought to the fact that the majority of her friends are Bosnian. Well, not until this morning. She came up to me and told me that she loves Bosnia and wishes she was Bosnian.
Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the people, country, or culture. I adore being around her friends and their parents. I just fear that my child is losing her Italian background. How can I get her excited about the Italian culture again?
She is currently 9-years-old.
(link)
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I think what your daughter may be enjoying is the familial bonds that are shared by her Bosnian friends. They are there with their families. Most likely they have large families, or they all get together in large groups to celebrate....what...family, and family ties. I am guessing here, but you said you and your husband moved from Italy. And then you had your daughter. So what could be missing is the grandparents, the aunts, the cousins, the sharing of their history, the old country, their customs. Things like that. Don't get me wrong, it sounds like you have done a wonderful job raising your daughter and you should both be proud of her. Some parents don't allow their children to interact with someone not of their nationality. I do have a suggestion though. Since you say you love being with her friends and their parents, maybe they would be comfortable with getting together for an Italian night. I think it is wonderful that you and your husband were both raised in Italy. What wonderful stories you could tell. I think your daughter's friends and their families would like to hear them. And if you feel comfortable, you can tell them why. If not, you don;t have to. You can suggest that on another night, you want to hear all about Bosnia. Maybe even Bosnia could go first. Being with the family and with your daughter will help you to see them through her eyes. And if the Bosnian families are as wonderful as I suspect they are, because they have embraced your daughter, they may be just as excited to hear about Italy. You can make some Italian dishes on Italy night, and they can make some Bosnian dishes on Bosnian night. If there is another nationality in the school that your daughter is friends with, another night can be their turn. This seems like a wonderful opportunity for all of you to get to know each other better. And understand each other's heritage. I wish all the world could be this way, but you know what. It starts small, with a group just like yours. I was a mentor to a young girl from Ecuador. After atime I was invited to a family christening.I was very honored. I knew that the invitation did not come lightly. During my time mentoring this young lady, 9/11 happened. I was glad to be there to help her through things She had so many questions. She loved this country and found only good things when she got her. She did not understand how other people could hate us so much.
I hope this sounds like a good idea. I wish I could be there to share it also. Good Luck to you all. And if you do go through with it Tell them all that Michele from CT said Hello, and God Bless.
Michele
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I am looking for some web sites that sells clothes/shoes/bags/jewlery/etc. I am into alot of different styles--so any suggestions about where you shop online would be appreciated! thanks! (link)
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Try "RubyLane.com" they have hand made jewelry, clothing, pocket books made by artisans. Most are one of a kinds. Very beautiful and unusual. There are a lot of artists and shops on this one website.
Michele
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I really want to enter the NA Miss Competition in my state, but my parents are big anti-modeling and anti-cheerleading because they think it's a brainless thing that only focuses on the outside. They don't really know that this competition takes grace, poise, and intelligence to win, and it's not even focused on beauty. I really want to let them know, but they have EXTREMELY closed minds about things like that. If I mention the word "model" in front of my mother, she flips out and gives me her anti-modeling speech. My parents are from a rigid family that believes in moral values and modesty, and there is only that in this competition. How can I show them that I want to be in this competition and open their minds to it?
(I know this question is on the public thread, but I really appreciate your answers) (link)
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Actually these competitions promote all the things you said and more. They do not want dumb girls to participate. They want smart girls who also do well is school. They also promote high morals and values. And you are hanging around with a bunch of adults, which is better than hanging around with a bunch of kids with nothing to do, and getting in trouble. ONe of the things you can do, is order the brochures from this one and other pagents. (in case you haven't already) The informational brochures are free, and will give you and your parents a lot of information. All of it good. It will prove that these pagents are not looking for "air heads".
Also, I wonder if your parents may have some other reasons that they don't want to share with you. Money may be an issue, (you know that b etter than I do) because these paegents can be VERY expensive. And beleive me, the pagent organizers make a lot of money on these things. The other thing is they may want to protect your feelings, They make think that if you don't win, that you will be devastated.
SO, if money is an issue, you have to be willing to work to help pay for it. And if your feelings are an issue, then you have to convince them that you can take it,if you loose. You just want the experience. I have no doubt that you will grow and mature by being involved. And only you know if you will survive the experience if you loose, Be honest with yourself first, then honest with them. Also pagents can be avenues for college scholarship money. Even money for your own use. It is not a bad way to get ahead, and I think it works to keep girls out of trouble, because they are well chaperoned.
Yes there are some cases where they have been problems, girls have beenexploited, and unfortunately, those stories get the most press. Bad news travels fast. But the good news rarely gets out.
Can you find some bio's on famous or powerful women who also participated in beauty pagents. Try looking up on the internet. Famous women who were in beauty pagents or something like that. Ask at the library how you could find information on that. I know that there are some, but I can't think of their names right now. But that could help. GOod luck to you.
Michele
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My brother is 12 years old. A couple years back, we would always get into fights and I would always yell at him back. He would just take it in, or cry. Lately, everytime we get into a fight..he get's VERY physical and will fight for whatever he says! He is very violent..(he will climb on you and jump and scratch the heck out of you)It's starting to scare me because I can't even yell over him anymore. He's only 12 and I think he needs anger management! My parents think it's my fault because I make him mad first..but the only reason I yell at him is to set him right. He is VERY out of control when he's mad and he cries ALOT. Please give advice.. i don't know how to take this anymore..(I would hit and scratch him back..but that would only make the problem worse and he would keep on persisting to claw me out)..I'm a 16\F by the way. Thanks..I rate (link)
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I agree with you, your brother is out of control, and your parents should be paying REAL CLOSE attention to his behavior. But who knows why they are not, there could be hundreds of reasons. But lets work on knocking down those reasons. Here is my advice. Take the next week and be REAL nice to your brother, DO NOT get into an argument with him. If that means you have to avoid him all together, then do so. Work real hard at this. If he is out of control....he will have to find someone else to take out his frustrations and anger on. He may choose one or both of your parents. Then they won't be able to deny it any longer. If he chooses to pick on some on at school, then they will get a phone call from the school, and they won't be able to deny that any more. You just have to stay out of his way, and out if his line of fire, and let the rest just happen. Be careful, they may have to see this bad behavior for what it is,more than once, before they take furhter action.
BUt if staying out of his way works for you, then do it anyway, to protect yourself. And hope for the best. If they are decent people...they will have to take action. Or if he get in trouble at school, the BD of ED will force them to get help for your brother. I understand how they feel, no parent wants to face the fact that there may be a problem with one of their children, they take it personally, and think there must be something wrong with them or with their parenting. But your brother's problems could even be a "chemical imbalance". And medication may help. Well, as you can see, it will be along battle. You just have to get yourself out of the middle of it. I hope this works for you. Use your brain, I kow you can figure out how to stay out of his way, and not get him angry at you. Good luck.
Michele
No, please don't misunderstand me. You said that you think he has a problem with anger, that he needs anger management. And I think that you are in a position to make an intelligent conclusion in that area. So I believe you, and if it is true, he does need help. ANger Management. And the best way to get him in to Anger Management is for your parents to be on the SAME PAGE as you are. They have to see his behavior the same way you do. They have to OWN the belief that he needs ANGER MANAGEMENT. Right now, you are the only one who thinks so. So if you take yourself out of the middle, so that they have to deal with his anger when he gets angry at them, then they will soon come to the same conclusion. As long as he is taking his anger out on you, then can chalk it up to sibling rivalry, because all brothers and sisters argue to some extent. But your descriptions sounds like it has gone beyond normal bickering between a brother and sister. GOod luck to you.
Michele
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I'm never really sure what to say to the question "I love your shoes! Where did you get them?" or any other clothing item because I really don't want to say anything to incriminate me. The popular kids will laugh if you answer anything like "target", "payless shoe store", or some other department store, and the kids that I'm friends with call me stupid if I tell them that I bought them at Hollister. What is a generic answer that I can say that will satisfy everyone? (link)
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Try telling them that you got them as a gift, from an aunt or something, and you don't know where they came from. But your really glad that your "AUNT" knows "exactly" what you like. How lucky you are!
Michele
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ok so last january my boyfriend dumped me and i was so upset because i really loved him but now im going out with someone else and everytime like someone talks about who they are going out with and about going on dates and everything i dont think about my boyfriend i think about my ex-boyfriend and i think i really still love but i really like my boyfriend too and my ex-boyfriend has a girlfriend now and i know he definitley doesnt like me anymore because he doesnt even talk to me i just dont know what to do....help me please!! (link)
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Should I say that you are still in love with you ex. Maybe, but this is what I think it is.....I think you have unresolved issues with him. He said you were sooooo upset. And I think that is because he made promises that he did not keep.He said one thing one day, and a different thing the next. He never really explained himself as to why suddenly he didn't love you anymore. You were surprised....you were hurt......you thought that you two would be together forever, and he may have even said that too. So when we have "unresolved" issues with someone, it makes it difficult to forget them. There are so many unanswered questions.....
And I agree, it is not fair. And guess what, I don't have an answer for that. Because you CANNOT MAKE anyone tell you what they do not want to tell you. Most of us will be happy with an "explanation". "Please, if you won't change your mind, then just tell me why!"
But they don't give you an answer. So you have unresolved issues, questions, feelings. I wish I could tell you that this gets better when you are an adult, but it often does not. The best thing you can do is #1, understand that not all people are compatible.
#2, Dating is experimenting...we are learning about the opposite sex, and also learning about ourselves. Some couples DO NOT belong together, but how will they know if they don't date each other.
#3. Since we can't make anyone tell us, what they don't want to tell us, we have to get better are reading the signs. Actions always speak louder than words. Listen to your intuition, to that little voice in your head. Your gut feelings. They will tell you what your heart does not want to see. It's true, love is blind you know.
And learn not to dwell on these kinds of things. You can't control other people, and you would not want to, because you would soon find it boring. You can't make him do what he doesn't want to do, so work on forgeting him. And do that by thinking better of yourself, and realize that he was just not for you. And you will find the perfect person in good time. Probably not when you would like to, but it will be when you are ready. Because there is so much more to love, and love. Compatibility is MOST important. It is hard to live with someone that you do not have things in common with, no matter how cute theyu are or how sexually attracted to them you are. That is a very small part of an adult relationship. It is important, but if that is all that is good, it won't hold a relaionship together. I hope this helps. I wish you luck.
MIchele
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does anyone know a good place to buy cheap but nice t-shirts and other clothes? thx
(link)
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Yes, good will and salvation army and consignment shops. Really, you will be surprized by how many nice things they have. You have to do some digging through some of the junk. But you will find some really nice things, and you'll be soooo pleased by how little they cost. And it can be just YOUR secret. No one else has to know. That is where I buy most of my clothes, and I get sooo many compliments. If they only knew.......
Michele
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It's Jacey again,
I dont understand my feelings right now. Sometimes i want to be like the presedent and other times i want to die just so i dont have to live. I talked to my sister on the phone last night for hours. I thought it would help and maybe it did, but i cant be too sure. She's twenty and she goes to Baylor. She told me that it wasnt my fault and she kept telling me that all night, but i know it wasnt my fault and it sounds odd but if it was my fault i could have at least done something about it. If only I was there and not in Algerbra class I could have stopped it. If i wasnt too god damn smart for my own good I wouldnt have even been at school taking the exam and it might have all been different. He might still be here. I told my sister that and she seemed to understand. We takled until three in the morning wheni fell asleep on the phone. The great thing about it was that Emily, ((my sister)) didnt hang up. Im glad she did this. I know she cares about me. My parents signed me up for some shrink before i talked to Emily. The lady asked me what i wanted and I said she couldnt give it to me. She goes, "Jacey, I can't give your brother back, but you can keep your life going." Well no shit you can't bring Bryson back who are you God? The thing I want is time. I want to have enough of it. I'm afraid everybody I care about is a second away from leaving the planet, me included. I want to stop thinking this way and i just want to be a normal thirteen year old girl. I want to go back to playing softball and i want to be treated like I'm thirteen not like I'm 81 and dying of a stroke or something. I don't want to constantly worry about when my time is going to run out and if I'm ever going to be able to do something while I'm here, because I want to. And I want to do something now in case the claock runs out. Emily allready did it. She's the best sister ever, but I don't have anyting like that. I'm just smarter than most people and I want to show people. When I say I'm smart I'm not kidding I am. Most people when I ask them don't believe this really happened, becaus it all sounds so fake. I wish it was fake. I don't sound Thirteen to you do I? I just want to be myself again and I want to stop thinking. I just want to live.
Jaey W. (link)
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Dear Jacey,
No you don't sound 13 at all, much older and much more mature than most 13 year olds, and that is probably the reason for your emotional turmoil. I think I can explain what is happening, and put things in perspective for you. When we are young we are idealistic. We think pure thoughts. We are not evil. We think the world is a wonderful place. It is OK. At that age we are supposed to feel that way. Because you ARE so smart, you feel it more than others. You know some day you will be out there with your brains, your take control attitude, and you will be "making a difference". ANd if that day were today, or a few months ago, you would have made a difference in your brothers untimely death, and YOU would have been able to intervene. That is false ego. Not to worry, kids HAVE to have ego. If kids don't believe themselves to be immortal, invincable, and have all the answers, and think they can fix what adults have messed up, how will they have the guts to take over and start working at implementing their ideas as soon as they are able. Think about it. Things would never change, there would be no progress. New ideas would never be thought of and implemented. And remember this is NORMAL thinking for kids your age, and most young adults. It is even more the case where you are concerned because you are so smart. I believe you when you say you are very smart for 13. I can see in your writings and in your thoughts, and that what your thoughts were on the "shrink's" statements to you. You realized that she was partonizing you.
Here is the other factor that I see. Because of your brothers death, you have realized to early, that guess what, we are not immortal. Life does have and end, and for some of us, that end comes too soon. I think you are afraid that you will not get to have a life. That is may be over before it even starts. And you won't get the chance to implement your ideas, and make the changes that you want to make, or make a difference in this world. This is normal for someone who has been what you have been through. And because you are just stagnating in middle school or high school, you have too much time on your hands to dwell on the unfairness of life, and since it was unfair to your brother, who had done nothing to deserve what happened, you think, "why should I be so lucky.....how will you cheat death?"
I know that if you were busy like your sister is in college, you would not be dwelling on these questions. You wouldn't have the time. You would be doing something important, and you would be making a difference, and soon, those thoughts of how short and fleeting life can sometimes be...would move further and further to the back of your mind. Eventually, you would forget these thoughts, and get on with life. Before you know it you would be 25, 35, 50, 75. and guess what, you are having a life. Of course you will never forget your brother, and you will always think lovingly of him and offer up your accomplishments in his memory. And I believe that he will see that and celebtrate your life.
Now your parents, on the other hand, they know how fleeting life can be. It is something that hits you, actually, when you first have children. You suddenly realize that you are totally responsible for this little life you created, that is so vulnerable, and you can't help but think of all the things that could go wrong. At this point in their lives, because they have been doing what they are doing (work, play, home life, etc.) for so long, they can perform these tasks on 'auto pilot" while they go about their daily tasks and mourn your brother. Because they can put their lives on "auto-pilot, they can prolong the mourning process. Long after you are ready to get on with life. But you all have to mourn your brother in your own way. I can't make your life go any faster. Your age needs to reach the level of your intelligence before people will start to take you seriously, and before you can start "making a difference" in the world. And start living instead of worrying about dying......BUT actually, there are things that a girl your age, who is smart, can do. Things that are meaning ful, and can make a big difference. I don't know where you live, city or country, or what state. But here are some suggestions.....
If there is a YMCA or YWCA in your city/town, they can use volunteers to work with the kids. Most of the Y's have day cares. If there is a girl scout council in your area. They have groups for girls your age, and no it's not like the "old fashioned" girl scouts of my day, were we went after badges for sewing and cooking. These girls do things to help their community. And well, nursing homes and hospitals are always looking for help, volunteers. And by doing volunteer work, it will look real good on your college applications, and if you need to apply for scholarships to help pay for college, many scholarships require volunteer work from it's applicants.
So bottom line is, you need to start your life. And no, I don't think you have to wait until you are a "legal" adult, there are things you can do now. ONce you are working, volunteering and making a difference, and have a life that "matters", which means that you matter....you will see how wonderful life is, and just be "living" instead of worrying about how short it can be.
You know I could site here a lot of statistics that will prove that it is very rare to die at your age, in this country, but that won't have any meaning to you. Because your family is one of the statistics. But the fact is that it is rare. You still have a great chance to live a long a wonderful life. Don't wait, start now. In honor of your brother.
I hope this helps. Let me know how you make out. Your sister does sound very nice, and I am glad that you have her. But you, yourself know that you cannot suck the life out of her while you figure this out. You are heading in the right direction. You are asking the right questions. You are asking these questions of the "world" of life itself". Just don't expect to get an answer. The answers are in you. You will see that. The sooner the better, I think.
GOod luck to you.
Michele
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I like this boy but i think he likes this other girl...but i also think he likes me...he knows i like him but still flirts wit the other girl...i mean i even told him that i liked him on the phon cause he asked me if i liked him and i said yea...but the only thing is that the other girl is one of thoes nasty lil girls that all the boys want because she will do anything...and im not like that...what should i do..i mean i think i love him...i know i love him but i think he likes the other girl
thankx
~in love~
~but confused~ (link)
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I dear,
Well let me say, a lot of boys and Men are like that. They want a NICE girl to "love" but they also spend time with a Not So Nice Girl. so they can satisfy their sexual urges. Victimless crime, right? WRONG. Because that is how nice girls, who fall in love and think that they can trust the person who claims to love them....get sexually transmitted diseases. And then he is SOOOO SOOOORRRYYYY!!!!! Unless he agrees to NOT spend time with girls who are free and easy with everyone...and be with you and wait for you until you are ready, then he is not ready to be in a committed relation ship. Please wait until you meet a boy/man who is ready for a committed rrelationship. Then you won't be dissapointed and you won't catch any diseases. And since boys are very immature, it may not happen until you are older, that is why I said boy/or man. I hope this helps.
MIchele
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hey....im 13 and this lady calls me everyday asking me to babysitt her kids...i already told her that my mom said i cant because i already babysit 2 other kids and i have homework...and a life but she keeps on calling asking me to babysitt them....mind you she has like 5 kids...and she has a older son then me that can watch them so why does she need me to watch them???
comment please (link)
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She is desperate, and looking for help She has probably gone through too many babysitters already. I'll bet she takes advantage of them. What does she need a babysitter for, so she can go to work, or so she can go out and party. She should be home with her five kids, and NOT out partying. SHe may need a break, but too bad, she made them, she should be with them. LIke you said, you need a life. Don't go down that road with this woman, you will regret it. Eventually she will stop calling you and try to find someone else. Just say NO, she can't control you unless you let her
Michele
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ok so im 13 im 5,3. im not fat but i think i have big thighs my mum says i dont but im really self consious of it. but whats really bugging me is the stretch marks on them they look horrible i no you can get cream and things but i dont think my mum would let me. can anyone give me advice??????????????????? (link)
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Well, you may have to wait until you are old enough to buy the cream yourself. I will say this, the cream that works on stretch marks is strivectin, and it IS expensive. But I like to read ingredients. And then I find the "active ingredients" in other products that cost less money. Now the special ingredients in STrivectin that help to alleviate stretch marks and wrinkles are Acetyl Hexapeptide 3 AND Palmitoyl Oligopeptide. Now, these creams are not PATENTED so any company can make up their own version of it, and give it a name. I am a single mom and have two boys to raise, so I am always looking to save money. Here in CT, we have a drug store called CVS, they came up with their own product line called PreVEntin-AT. It is for lines and wrinkles, but will work on stretch marks too. IT costs about $25.00 for six ounces, compared to STrivectin which costs $130.00 per one ounce. Here is what you do. Preventin AT also REALLY REALLY works on Wrinkles and lines. Tell you mom to get some for her wrinkles (if she doesn't have any great, if she uses it each day, she never will) and get some for you for your stretch marks. Your mom will thank you for it.
Don't look for miracles. You'll will need to use the cream for a couple of months before you see a difference.
Michele
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my dad broke my coller bone da ova day but he says it was an accident which it was. but now when we have an argument he will say he break something else of mine but i dont know if hes joking cause he looks seriouse ive told my mom and she says hes just joking but she ent der when he says it because he dont say it round her. what should i do is he joking or what can any one help. (link)
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When you say your dad broke your collar bone, it was an accident, what exactly does that mean. What was going on when the "accidently" broke your collar bone. If he was angry and arguing with you, and pushed or shoved or hit you, and your collar bone got broken in the process, that is not an accident. That is assault and against the law. Your father may say, Oh it was an accident, because he didn't set out to "break your collar bone" he just wanted to "knock some sense into" (in other words do and see things his way, no other way) and he broke your collar bone while trying to "knock some sense into you". That is a crime in the eyes of the laws. If you two were perfect strangers and he did that to you, say in a bar fight, or a parking lot, he could be arrested. And guess what.....it is not OK to do that to your kids or wife either. He is not "joking" he is trying to intimidate you. Your mother is wrong, your father is wrong, and maybe next time he threatens you, you should threaten him with the police, because he can and will get arrested for it. Don't egg him on, though and don't go looking for trouble. Let him be the one to start it, and just be "matter of fact" real calm like, and tell him it is agains the law. He won't like it, but he may back off. YOu see, he is obviously a coward because he only picks on people smaller than him (you!) and he won't behave that way in front of other people (your mom) He know that other people hearing those threatening words coming out of his mouth, would look at him like he was some kind of animal! I know that you don't like him talking to you that way, and I don't blame you. No one should have to put up with threats like that, and that is why it is agains the law. And since he did assault you once by breaking your collar bone, then you have a good case against him. Don't let him get away with it. And most of all, don't grow up to be like him.
MIchele
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ok if i have unprotected sex(stupid and dumb i know)...but the guy cums in my mouth and not in me....can i still have gotten pregnant?? i need serious SERIOUS help! (link)
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Ok, I'm much older than most of the advisors on this site, so let me give you the facts. When a boy's penis is hard, and you are having intercourse, there is a clear fluid that leaks out prior to ejacultion. Some experts say that there are some sperm in this fluid. So I guess it is possible, but if the actually orgasm happened in your mouth, then most likely you are not pregnant, and you are just worried and having false symptoms. BUT you make a big mistake when you count on a boy, to tell the truth and to not come in you, and not be as careful as you want him to be, because YOU don't want to get pregnant. REMEMBER, he CAN'T get pregnant. He has nothing to loose. Always use a condom when the penis is inside you even if you don't plan to finish that way. And even then it is only like 97% secure because it could break. You are the one with the most to loose. So please always use condoms. They protect you from STD;s also, and I know you know that. And every young person out there who ever got an STD's was 100% SURE that it would not happen to them, and every young girl out there who ever got pregnant by mistake wa 100% SURE that she was not going to get pregnant. So Please be more careful. Use condoms
Michele
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