Hi,
I just want to thank you because some advice you gave me earlier helped me stop cutting. It means so much to me, and I was worried I wouldn't be able to stop.
Thanks again for helping me get over my addiction. I'm glad I was able to get help.
You're more than welcome, but if you begin to suffer again then inbox me
~Take Care now~
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I get very stressed out in school because many people do not like me and I constantly worry about this and it really scares me going to class because it is very likely that instead of sitting next o a normal person i will be sitting next to someone who will be glaring at me most of the way through the lesson. Or they will be saying that its horrible sitting with me and whispering stuff like that to heir friends. Some people even have the nerve to say something mean as loud as they can to make sure i hear it and then prettend they didn't mean for me o hear it. And then they start laughing. I get very depressed because of this. I was wondering is there a way to reduce this. There is nothing i can do about people not liking me because you can't make people like you no matter how much you try but i do not mind because i have a wonderfull best friend who is there for me. So is there anything to calm me down? Like meditation or something i don't know? Can you think of any distractions from stress? I o not want to take any medications. Thank you
I think if you want people to like you, you first have to not care about what they think. Hard to do, I know...
Yes there is meditation you can do, it is called mindfulness. All you do is relax in a comfy chair in a quiet room alone. Have some Jazz/classical music playing in the background-not to quiet or to loud.
Concerntrate on the music,and every time your mind wanders (and it will) focus on the music again.
This helps you stay in 'the present moment'.
You see, when we worry, we worry about things that have already happened, or could happen in the future. This leads us to draw up often irrational conclusions.
So if we say 'ok, that may happen in the future, but that does not determine my actions in the present', then we will be much more relaxed.
If you are of school age, then doctors are very unlikely to give you any medication for anxiety anyway as it is very powerful and there is a danger with drugs like beta blokers that they become addictive. Therefore, it is best to do it naturally.
You see, you are a naturally anxious person. That is part of your disposition,as mine. And there is no cure-its abit like diabetes-you just have to learn to cope with it.
Search 'Mood Juice' for helpful self-help resources on coping with anxiety.
Also, if you're on facebook, join an special anxiety group on there. You'll be able to share ideas and interact with people just like you.
You need to stop the anxiety in its tracks now. There's tons of stuff on YouTube about 'how to not care what people think' etc. Really try to use it in the best way-these resources are all free remember!
As for other distractions, you could try taking up a new hobby? Like volunteering or something?
I think you (as I do to be honest) need to learn how to be assertive and stand up for yourself as these people you describe are bullies.
You also need to learn how to relax properly by the techniques we have discussed. Finally, be yourself. Be open with people and instead of trying to make an impression, focus on expressing yourself. And it should be ok.
~Take Care~
p.s its nice to have a question in my inbox that actually makes sense
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I have so much bottled up. I feel sad , insecure most of the time. I have many friends but i feel like i can't talk to any of them about personal issues. I recently moved and i miss my old friends like crazy. It's been over 3 years since but i still miss them. They probably don't remember me anymore and here i am sad about it. I am a junior and soon i'll be in the real world. I want to do so much. I want to help all those who are in need. Help change the world. I have big dreams but how can i accomplish them if i feel like shit. I really do. i don't feel smart enough/pretty enough. I have so many people around me yet i feel alone. People say i make them happy because i'm always making them laugh but nobody seems to make ME happy.. Am i depressed? I feel happy at times but at night i start thinking and bring myself down. What can i do to improve? thanks
I am the same as you. I wouldn't say you're depressed. I'd say you're very talented.
I'm 18 and I volunteer for 5 different organisations.
Seriously, start volunteering.
It will be the most rewarding thing you have ever done, and you will really pick up confidence.
I volunteer in a charity shop, for one. This is great because you come into contact with people who almost literally have NO MONEY. This is very humbling and makes you feel great that you have helped them AND helped the charity to. You can also add your personality to your work. Through creating window displays to the way you greet people in the shop.
I also volunteer in a field of study that I want to work in in the future, to do with the media.
Honestly by volunteering it will make YOU happy, partly because you'll get to love it and the people.
I'd love to be the head of a charity one day. Why not become a fundraiser for a charity and help organize events?
There's so much you can do! But you need to get started, to have the same motivation that I have.
Got to go now...I'm off to my charity shop.
~Take Care~
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I'm a bit confused.
When you go to countries like China you always have to get certain vaccinations because they have diseases over there that we don't have in the US.
But how come you can easily bring things back with you and give gifts from other countries to people who have not been vaccinated? Won't that put them at risk of catching something?
Why is it that it's not dangerous to order gifts from other countries to the US but we have to get vaccines to go there?
Plus, so many things over here are made in China or other countries...
Well many things that require vaccinations are caused only by if they enter an open wound.
For example tetanus. Its not like chicken pox or common flu-its not that contagious. You need human to human contact, or to be in the environment.
Also, if someone is infected with tetnus over there, they're probably not going to be in work. I know golden wonder make noodles in the uk now (I'n not American) but just pretend they still produced in china.
We wouldn't get tetnus because 1) The pack is not in the infected environment anymore
2) Its highly unlikely the product will arrive with blood on it. Even if it did it'd be dried so kill of any infection I reckon.
Also I guess its because you get the jabs because you'll be in the environment. However because the products exported from China (until recently topshop) have no immune system, anything on them will not survive being exported because germs die anyway after 24 hours.
There was me thinking will a start like 'I'm confused' the next line would read 'So there's this guy...'
Interesting question
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I'm sorry if this is graphic for any guy. So August 3rd I had unprotected sex with this guy but he didn't cum in me. I took plan B August 5th and started bleeding (like a period) August 9th. Then, I had protected sex with the same guy again August 28th and the 29th I started bleeding dark blood which is abnormal color for the first day of my period and lots of blood which is also abnormal. Could I be pregnant? What is the reason for having two periods in a span of two weeks? 16/F
The whole reason why a woman has her period is because the egg has not been fertilised, so the lining breaks down and thats the menstrual cycle.
So, if you have had your period after having sex then you are definatley not pregnant.
Also, 'blood' is not actually blood in a period (sorry, my time to get graphic!) Its the lining-its thicker than normal blood.
Some people after sex have blood for a different reason due to the tearing of the hymen. Could this be it?
Anyway, if you get period pains with this blood you're having, after having sex, then you are not pregnant. It all depends if it was your period? I mean theres no harm in taking a test...
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I have a few spots from hormones most likely because i get very stressed out because of school and stuff like that which is normal i guess. So I have a few very small spots which I don't really mind but then I got a few really large spots and i tried o squeeze them whic i know i shouldn do but they turned into these scars that look like blemishes or scabs. Usually they heal in about a week. But I did some research and i learned that if you eat vitamin c it will speed up the healing of scars. I did research of how much vitamin c an average person needs and it is and it is about 75 mg for a woman and for a child it is slightly less. For lunch i eat a salad and an orange in school this is equivalent to 75 mg. so I eat slightly more than i need. I was wondering how long will it take for the blemishes to heal of i have this amount of vitamin c in my diet. There is also small amounts of vitamin e in my lunch. Im not sure how much. Sorry if this is a lot to read. Thanks
Eat a healthy amount.
But you need to get to the bottom of your stresses. It could be hormones but there are different types. Stress, possibly, acne maybe?
Go see your doctor they can perscrive effective cream.
I have various qualifications in psychology. Let me tell you the science. Research exists that proves one's immune system is less effective when someone is stressed. This is because it is having to deal with the pysical symptoms of stress like fatigue, colds and flu/aches and pains as well as these scars. This means the body can't produce enough white blood cells and interleukin B (clotting agent) cells that it needs, thus taking the scars loger to heal.
Hope that explains it, so you see, levels of vitimin C can ease the scars within a week, but the spots will still be there. You need to reduce your stress levels-try meditation. Look up mood juice on Google for tips on how to self help deal with stress. Hope I helped
~Take Care~
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Sometimes I feel like I have the best life. Like I can do anything. I am the person who can look in the mirror and smile because I know I can do anything I put my mind to. Then come the days like today. Filled with watching old television shows and wishing I was someone else. I get fixated on these shows. I don't even know if this all makes sense but it is what happens to me. I have nothing to do during the day I feel completely helpless and am forced to look at my life from a completely different and depressing view. I worry that if I just keep busy all the time I'll be missing on what is really happening but I avoid.
See your doctor. You have to take a long questionnaire as there is no biological test that can be done.
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does he like me
No idea, you've not provided near enough information for any one to give you advice on this-we're not psychic you know!
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Hi. About 6 months back I found that my husband had an emotional affair. I confronted him and he claimed is not true. later I found proof that he in fact was emotionally attached to a woman who was also married. It turned into an ugly fight and we were seperate for a month. He asked me to return for the sake of our children. He had still not acknowledged nor apologised for his cheating. I can't sleep at times thinking about this. I start crying mid day when no one is at home.
He still had contact with her but for completely different reasons,and I believe it 100%. But I cannot believe and accept the fact that he was emotionally intimate with another woman. I don't know how to forget and foregive him. We are back in our relationship now but I always feel that my marriage has no meaning.
He is generally not a communicative person and this has put me in a miserable position. Your advice on this is appreciated.
Psychological research by Buss and others does say that males are more likely to be jealous of physical infidelity, whilst females are more jealous and less forgiving of emotional infidelity.
So textbook evidence says that it is understandable why you are feeling this way.
I think its good that you do believe your husband. In truth-you have to. As we can not live our lives second guessing people all the time.
You have to trust him again-even though its hard. But by doing that your being kind to yourself.
I know you're still hurting. I think it'd be beneficial, though upsetting, to realize why he had an emotional affair with someone other than the mother of his children.
Have you been stressed of late with work? Is he pulling his weight as much as you with the children?
Seeing as you'd struggle to speak to your husband about this, it can be easier if you try to empathize with him. Just stand in his shoes a minute, and think-why did he do that?
Remember, its nothing that you have done wrong, just something he can't accept. When you realize any possible reasons why he did have this affair for six months, perhaps then you can learn to be less bitter about it.
I think its easier to split up with someone after a physical affair. But staying together for the sake of playing happy families is not the answer. I feel your children would sense something is not right. Millions of people make their lives work without grinning and bearing it.
Just an option. Alternatively, you could thank the heavens for this wake up call you have just had. Face it, no one is perfect. And you can seize this opportunity and putting your energy crying into energy to making yourself a better person.
Try taking up activities that regain your sense of self worth, like volunteering.
Its up to you what you do, but remember that nothing lasts forever, and everything always works out in the end.
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im wondering if I could get pregnant because im a virgin but when he tried to put it in I pulled on the condom could it be a possibility that the condom broke and at that time he had a strong erection
Being a virgin does not mean you have an extra layer of protection! Of course you can get pregnant. You had sex, therefore you are no longer a virgin. Just like it is possible for a girl to lose her virginity and become pregnant during the same period of sexual intercourse.
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So I'm a girl and Im really confused. I think im straight because I like guys but somehow, I can't really stop thinking about her.
I'm not sure if she is a lesbian though but I felt that she is one and people have said that she was one and all...
It was like all of a sudden I suddenly realized her and on that day, we did have eye contact maybe twice or so? The first time, we looked at each other and the second was when I looked at her and I saw her looking then we looked at each other before I broke off the eye contact.
However, on Monday when I went back to school, she never looked at me because whenever I look at her, she would not be looking more like staring into space. I observed and realized that she kinda keeps to herself.
Yesterday, when we were being briefed, she came to the front and talked to the people who are her friends and I was staring then after a while, she looked at me and then I immediately looked down.
Does she like me or is she just curious whatsoever?
Thank you for taking your time to read :)
I think she knows you like her.
I also think, please don't get upset, but that you are reading way to much into this. Simply looking someone in the eye for a few seconds does not mean that they fancy you. Often, as well, if you THINK someone fancies you, you begin to develop feelings for them.
They say if eye contact lasts for more than 5 seconds it may be something.
You need to watch for other body language signs such as open ness and things.
But if I'm honest, I think you should focus on your studies and not on who you're studying with. Its natural to crush on people, but clearly thinking about this girl is distracting you in class.
Also, most of the time I find people ask you out when you're least expecting it and are totally absorbed in something else.
Whilst this girl may like the attention you're giving her, be careful not to alienate her. By acting cool and intelligent in class, it'll make you stand out, rather than drooling over her!
I think its early days. Look out for the odd sign, but certainly don't sit in lesson daydreaming and drawing conclusions about your love life. You'll thank me later when you've got a decent job ;)
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Hi,
I'm 18 f - I got into college this year. I decided to start college early and registered for classes during the summer quarter. Now I'm here and I've been taking classes for 3 weeks. I have a problem that's been giving me a lot of trouble lately- I feel like such a loner because I'm always eating by myself in the dining hall.
I love my classes and the campus is amazing. My problem is that there aren't many people here over the summer. So there are no student clubs and all of the student centers around campus are closed until the Fall Quarter. So I only meet people in class, the dorm and at a church.
My classmates are nice- sometimes I hang out with a few of them- but all of them are sophomores or older so they live off campus and can't eat in the dining hall. All of my church friends live off of campus too.
The people at my dorm are nice but they're all exchange students or upperclassman. The upperclassman already have their friendship groups and the exchange students all sit together and speak their own language. The freshmen exchange students seemed friendly for a couple of weeks. But now I've realised they are only interested in befriending people from their native country because they're always blocking me out. So I'm finding it really hard to make friends cause I'd just be forcing myself into situations where people don't want an extra random stranger to bother them.
I'm quiet and making new friends has always been slow for me. I've tried reaching out a lot more than usual and it's been working pretty well in class/ at church. But I'm finding it so stressful to sit at a big table by myself in the dining hall. Should I just eat by myself for the rest of the summer and try not to be bothered by it? I have 3 weeks left until Fall. I really don't know what I should think about my situation.
Thanks for reading. I'd really appreciate any advice
Hi.
Just from reading this advice I can tell that you are very very similar to myself. I am 18, and about to go to uni. The doctor has also diagnosed me with social anxiety.
I'm wondering-if things will be different in three weeks time e.g: chance to meet people at clubs why are you so worried?
I have trouble with this too, but the more you sit alone for lunch the more closed off you will become. Its not because people don't like you and that's why you're sitting on your own. Its because people think you don't want to be disturbed and that you are quite content with sitting by yourself. Clearly, you are not. This means that you are not an introvert-but just quite a shy person. And hey, that's ok.
So, I could now write at length stories and explanation of how to overcome this. But if I'm honest, I'm still 'getting better' myself. Therefore I will provide you with some links that ill help you to help yourself.
I would also suggest that you try volunteering. Its great and is a really cool way to make friends. And hey, you do have friends, just they're not around at lunch times. I mean, that's fine, most people at work eat lunch alone. So perhaps something you have to learn is how to be happy in your own company.
Try these:
http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/mildmoderate/SocialAnxiety.asp
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/wiki/Overcoming_social_anxiety_and_shyness
http://advancedriskology.com/alone/
I must say you don't seem to have quite as severe anxiety as myself, nevertheless its good to try to help yourself when your own personality is making you feel distressed. Good luck!
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I was always a worrier ( if thats a word) I'm 14 btw. But, eversince, my bf and I broke up..it's been 1-2 months, I see that I've changed quite a bit. I'm sort of irritable, I find it very hard to fall asleep ( happened before too, but now it takes longer), I'm always tense about my homework or that I'm not putting in enough hardwork, I don't eat properly because of the fear that I'll become fat, I don't even feel like eating and I used to love food. Though I'm enjoying life in my own way, I get random headaches and I feel burned out many times. What is the reason behind this? It's not only after the break up but ever since I came into 9th grade. What can I do to help myself?
Hello-the anxiety pro is here :)
I'm 18 but have an anxiety disorder too-so I have textbook knowledge of it!
So, what I'm telling you is what doctors have told me.
Anxiety is competency harmless, in small parts. It triggers the fight or flight response.
Most people with anxiety are highly intelligent and are perfectionists.
I'm guessing you've not had a panic attack before-you are after all 14 and they begin when you are 16/17. They are awful. Its basically like collapsing but alot worse.
To help yourself you need to start meditation. Now. Before your anxiety spirals out of control. Look up mindfulness online. It has helpful hints and tips on how to meditate. You see, people snort at meditation, but the embarrassing thing for them is that it actually works! Make sure you give yourself time and space to do it, and you will not be disturbed. Try this:
http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/mildmoderate/Anxiety.asp
The headaches may be coming with the sleeping problems. About that. I once went a week with no sleep. Then I had a night. Then none whatsoever. I wasn't doing it on purpose-it was my anxiety. And hey-I'm still here! I got help for it, so I think you should to. Either way, I think self help is great but it never can replace counselling. Maybe this is an option for you.
I know its easy for me to say. But don't worry about this. You will be fine-as someone from a helpline once told me: Nothing lasts forever.
You will get through this.
I think you need to get over your boyfriend by starting something new. You could perhaps try volunteering? Worked for me anyways!
Also, if you have facebook, why not join an anxiety group on there? They are closed so no one online will be able to see, and its a great way to interact with people like yourself (and me!) for free. Sometimes talking is the best therapy.
Try speaking to a relative about this. In the end, support will get you through this.
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Have sex when your on your on time of the month
I don't know why you/someone would do this.
I have heard some disturbing stories of this happening. The time to have it for the act to be successful is the week before a womans period when she is at her most fertile.
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I'm male/18. Recently graduated high school. The first half of high school was kind of depressing. But then things started to get fun and more positive. Recently, it seems the happier I become, the more and more I fear death. It used to never bother me, but now it gives me the chills, as if I'm just realizing it. I know I'm young, but all the time I spend with friends, family, my band, my girlfriend, I can't handle the fact that it will all end, and that there might not be anything afterwards. No music, no love, no pleasure, no people. It's really scary if we just cease to exist completely. People might say, if you're dead, you won't feel anything. But that's the thing, I want to feel, and experience. I am atheist, I do not believe in any gods, but I do consider the possibility of an afterlife. Although I cannot know of anything beyond this life, I do know one thing is certain. All I know, is that I'm experiencing. But I do not know what exactly I'm experiencing. Now, if the physics and building blocks of the universe allow me to experience consciousness once, and these building blocks cannot be destroyed, wouldn't that imply the possibility of remaining conscious? Or being conscious in another form? Either way I see the alternate as a possibility as well, that it just fades to nothing. Maybe I can't just face the reality that it might just happen. Either way, its been bothering me lately.
I'm 18/f and I spoke to a counsellor about this when meeting to discus another issue.
All counselors will tell you this: You never lose a fear of death.Once you have the fear, you will always have that fear.
You sound quite philosophical actually. It stems back to the whole debate of cogito ergo sum-I think therefore I am. There are many chains of thought-some people in this world believe in solipsism-where they think everyone else are zombies, controlled by a higher power. Perhaps you should read into the works of Descartes, Satre and Plato to help you formulate a debate for yourself?
Anyway, back to your question. Fear is used to keep us say. It triggers our fight or flight response. If we link what you're going through to the school of thought called empiricism-you're bound to be scared of death-having never experienced what its like! You don't know exactly what it feels like. Pardon me for being up front-but its a bit like sex. In that most people are scared at first having never experienced it. Its completely rational for them to be.
I think this is why people turn to religion especially in later life, because like you they can not accept that there is nothing. Then again, many older people say they feel they are ready to go, because they have lived enough.
I think the more one experiences life the more our perceptions of things change, including death. I mean it is a reality, there is nothing you can do, so you may as well do good in this life just in case there is an after life (this doesn't have to be heaven in your case)
Complex question-I'd read up on various philosophers like Nietsche, Descartes, Socrates and Plato to get more info-its amazing how much philosophy stays in your head after school!
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I know that I'm apparently 'too young to have a baby', but I don't give a shit. Me and my boyfriend have just now started trying to get pregnant and I want some ways to get pregnant faster. I know for sure I would a great mom. School wouldn't really be a problem because I'm going to make sure I don't miss any school. I thought the good and the bad, so I know what I'm getting into.
Is this a joke? By the way, you have not even asked for a specific piece of advice...
Or course you'll have to miss school-there will be days where you are exhausted after spending nights wide awake, feeding your baby.
Bringing up a baby is also very expensive. Are you going to pay for its upkeep? Or is the state? Or your mom?
I have seen first hand how expensive raising a child is. In my opinion you need to be financially secure. It wil be impossible to focus on your school work when you have a hungry mouth to feed at home.
Its your choice, but if you have a child at 15 with no job, no real stability, you young lady are in for a very big shock. Then again, I don't think this is a serious question.
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fall must haves? cloths and accessories?
Hi :)
Well in the shops in terms of shoes we're seeing a darker than usual theme. So monochrome is back in.
Leopard print is also a next season must have.
Also those necklaces with arrows on that point downwards. Usually they are Gold-and hey you can team it up with a leopard print top to be doubley on trend.
The last one that I know about is bright, statement jumpers that are fitted. Oh and checked things are in fashion too!
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18/f
I know the best thing to do when you go through a break up is to try new things, make more friends and meet more people.
How do I do that and what do I do?
Like there are tons of things I'd like to try and classes I'd like to take but I have no money and no car. I'm currently not in school because of finances and my dad just had an accident and is on disability so we're not getting much money...and almost everything costs money. Like they're literally giving us $16 a month. We just got food stamps but all the money I had saved is going towards bills and anything else you can think of.
I just need something to do that's free but will keep me happy and occupied.
And how do I meet new people? I've never had a problem with that because I was in school. I tried to look into things where I have interests but they either cost money or are too far. I've never been into meeting people through the internet but is that my only option?
Anyways, sorry that this was long. Just having a hard day and I've never felt more lonely. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
I'm the same age as you now, but I broke up with someone three years ago and needed to get myself together again.
What I did was volunteering. Honestly, there is no better way to make friends with people. And its 100% free. You can have a laugh, you can keep busy, and you can go home in the knowledge that you made a real difference.
I volunteer in a charity shop at the moment. Put it this way-its that good, I wont be leaving even when I move to Uni. It means you can talk to people from all sorts of walks of life. Also, to be fair most charity shop contain the unemployed but lets be honest, older people.
I find they value me in my shop because I bring fresh ideas in terms of window displays and things. The fact I'm helping others is just a bonus.
Of course-there are so many other forms of volunteering. But aswell, if you can put down on your CV you volunteer, an employer is more likely to pick you because you have 'lived a little' and have good grounding and cultural awareness-a key quality in gaining any job.
I mean I live in the UK and we have sites like Do it.org which tell us which vacancies are going. I'm sure you'll have something like that in the US too. Also, if you have to travel to work, most charities will pay you the required expenses to cover this
So yeh. Volunteer. Like rehab to get through a breakup. Helped me-in fact I don't know where i'd be without my voluntary jobs. Take care x
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I literally have no idea where to turn anymore. I'm 5 months pregnant with no job. I've been trying for a month to get hired and nobody has even interviewed me. My rent is due September 1st and my bank account is in the negative. My parents are already paying for a car and my insurance and don't have any money to spare. My boyfriend spent every single cent of his check and didn't even bother trying to help me. I just want to give up, what's the point of trying? I have nowhere to go. What am I supposed to do?
The point of trying is for your unborn child. To give them the best start in life like your parents gave you.
Its hard to get a job, but at 5 months pregnant, put this to the back of your mind for now. They'll look at you, (and i know this is wrong) but they will be thinking, here's a lady who will do us 3 months work, and then we still have to pay her to go on maternity leave. They wont give you a job-when your competitors if we are talking fast food chains are fully flexible students.
Do you need a vehicle? Because I would like a car too-doesn't mean I have one, because I can't afford it.
There's nothing wrong with using public transport. I would get rid of your car. If you can't afford the insurance you shouldn't have it-you need money to live off.
For now focus on your new baby. When you feel able to go back to work, try to get flexible hours so theres no paying for childcare. There are ALWAYS carer jobs available-try this, if anything to get your foot on the ladder.
If you still prove unsucccesful try volunteering in a charity shop. It gets you work experiences and gives you a much better and respected CV. Then you can apply for the big shops and retail sectors. Unfortunatley these days if you havn't got experience, you can't get a job. Volunteering is therefore your best bet.
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http://static.tumblr.com/413cb0fb187f1e559dd170f7b17b1737/9rllst5/mAkms1l6e/tumblr_static_ya.jpg
Yes she is. However, I can tell that the smile is posed and isn't a real, natural one, because the eyes are not crinkled. And I have various qualifications in psychology.
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