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Lonely at college this summer :(
Hi,
I'm 18 f - I got into college this year. I decided to start college early and registered for classes during the summer quarter. Now I'm here and I've been taking classes for 3 weeks. I have a problem that's been giving me a lot of trouble lately- I feel like such a loner because I'm always eating by myself in the dining hall.
I love my classes and the campus is amazing. My problem is that there aren't many people here over the summer. So there are no student clubs and all of the student centers around campus are closed until the Fall Quarter. So I only meet people in class, the dorm and at a church.
My classmates are nice- sometimes I hang out with a few of them- but all of them are sophomores or older so they live off campus and can't eat in the dining hall. All of my church friends live off of campus too.
The people at my dorm are nice but they're all exchange students or upperclassman. The upperclassman already have their friendship groups and the exchange students all sit together and speak their own language. The freshmen exchange students seemed friendly for a couple of weeks. But now I've realised they are only interested in befriending people from their native country because they're always blocking me out. So I'm finding it really hard to make friends cause I'd just be forcing myself into situations where people don't want an extra random stranger to bother them.
I'm quiet and making new friends has always been slow for me. I've tried reaching out a lot more than usual and it's been working pretty well in class/ at church. But I'm finding it so stressful to sit at a big table by myself in the dining hall. Should I just eat by myself for the rest of the summer and try not to be bothered by it? I have 3 weeks left until Fall. I really don't know what I should think about my situation.
Thanks for reading. I'd really appreciate any advice
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I know what it feels like to sit alone and eat with nothing to do but stare into space. Even when I had a job and due to scheduling needs or something that came up in the department, I couldn't go sit with coworkers...it is uncomfortable and boring to sit by yourself. So until things change with the start of fall classes, I would suggest doing things that occupy your mind so it's busily focused on something. The easiest is to have a fun interesting novel to real while eating. On a fancier scale, having a jigsaw puzzle with its own roll up mat to save what you've worked on, that will take a lot of your attention. Something like that can be very irresistable to others of any age who also like the challenge of jig saw puzzles. Or if you like puzzle books with word searches and other such games, those will occupy your time. Having internet access to your cell if you can afford it is a nice way to occupy yourself while checking up on it to see if anyone from Advicenators has answered you yet...LOL couldn't resist. But hope that helps you dear.
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Hi.
Just from reading this advice I can tell that you are very very similar to myself. I am 18, and about to go to uni. The doctor has also diagnosed me with social anxiety.
I'm wondering-if things will be different in three weeks time e.g: chance to meet people at clubs why are you so worried?
I have trouble with this too, but the more you sit alone for lunch the more closed off you will become. Its not because people don't like you and that's why you're sitting on your own. Its because people think you don't want to be disturbed and that you are quite content with sitting by yourself. Clearly, you are not. This means that you are not an introvert-but just quite a shy person. And hey, that's ok.
So, I could now write at length stories and explanation of how to overcome this. But if I'm honest, I'm still 'getting better' myself. Therefore I will provide you with some links that ill help you to help yourself.
I would also suggest that you try volunteering. Its great and is a really cool way to make friends. And hey, you do have friends, just they're not around at lunch times. I mean, that's fine, most people at work eat lunch alone. So perhaps something you have to learn is how to be happy in your own company.
Try these:
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I must say you don't seem to have quite as severe anxiety as myself, nevertheless its good to try to help yourself when your own personality is making you feel distressed. Good luck!
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