jammy12's advice column

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Q: OK, so im newly single, and very glad that im divorced!! My ex is now going steady with another women, and we have childreen of the ages 5, 4, and 2. I was just wondering how to tell my kids that mammy and daddy dont love eachither any more, and daddy loves another women, that not mommy. I know i shouldn't no, i couldnt lie to them because i love them too much, but i dont want to see them hurt. They have started to ask questions, but ive tried to change the subject because i didnt know what to say. I love my kids dearly, but i want them to know the truth without being hurt.. I know that they will ask lots of questions, about divorce, because they are still too young to know what it means yet, so any back up advice would be greatly appreciated also..
thank you in advance,
Kelcie

oh, and if it helps my ex-husband and i have offically been divorced for 5 days, he moved out 2 days ago.. We got divorced because he was cheating on me, and it has taken 2 months to get all the papers sorted out.

Well my mum and dad got divorced when I was about 1 year..so I don't remember her telling me anything...but if I had to hear stuff I'd like to hear something like "we're no longer together because of some different reasons. When you get older you'll understand...all you have to know now is that dad and mom love you the same as normal...we just won't be together all the time. But don't worry...we love you the same way"

Q: Background: I love her. I had to move last year for my work, but I made her the pledge that I would love her forever. As one of the things we did- I opened a joint back account with her- where part of my paycheck every 2 weeks would be deposited into that account. We "broke" up two months later. That account never closed. She started dating someone else. Now- she's using that account and now is spending like there's no tomorrow- 3300 dollars in 5 weeks.

But I still love her- and I can't close the account. What should I do? I don't know how to confront her if I should. I'm a fool.

I'm sure you love her alot. It sure sounds like it. It doesn't seem like she loves you though. I mean if she did...you'd still love each other no matter what!!!

You should close it...and leave her with the rest of the money. It doesn't make sense she's with someone else and she's using your money...

good luck;;
jayme

Q: how does miley cirus from hannah montana get her hair in like perfect curls? i can curl like but it never looks that good. any helpful hints? thanks!

I have no idea how she does it...but I think if you use a small sized curling iron it will work. It'll look like jeri curls actually. I tried it on my mother. But you need to have moisturiser or hairspray and appply with the curls.

Q: http://mail.google.com/mail/?attid=0.1&disp=inline&view=att&th=111810ea6aa1d35c

my eyebrows are so uneven! I just tweezed them about 10 minutes ago and they look horrible!

I don't wanna spend money and go to a salon to get it done. Please help!! where should i tweeze and how do i make it prettier?

I think you should go to the salon at least once for them to shape them...and then start plucking them back. Sometimes plucking without gettin them shaped and wax can look horrid (i have seen examples!!!)

Q: i have wicked curly hair. like when i straighten it the regular way, its curls within an hour. any tips on keeping it straight longer!! thanks so much!

well....after you wash your hair you should use this VO5 Straight hair serum and then blow dry it with a round brush to make it get straigtened a bit. then you can straighten it with the straightener and use some shine serum or some anti-frizz serum. That should help.

I also heard there is this straightener that works awesome. It's a bit pricey and it's a sedu i think.

Q: I am divorced. We have 3 kids together ages 10,9,7... my son is the 7 year old. He comes home upset from visiting his father every time.He has been living with this boy who is 6 for a year, His mother has 5 kids by 4 different fathers and 2 are serving life in prison. one is (the boys) father. He is going to marry the boys mom in july and adopt him. This would be fine if he was a fit father but he is not.She is also a convicted felon.who only has custody of 1 of her 5 children. I am a suburban mom who makes a pretty good living, and gives my kids a good life, by the way he has also been convicted of domestic violence on our daughter. Should I keep my kids out of their home?? Its becomeing ever so bizarre.My son comes home cryin g because this new kid call his dad daddy, he feels like he has been replaced. His girlfriend told my son something about a month ago that set me off, they were spending the weekend with dad and girlfriend and my son asked when he was gonna see mommy and the crazy girl told him "mommy is dead i killed her", my girls said this was said..she has threatened to kill me through relatives, she is not all there. What do I do?By the way my ex and this woman were having affairs throughout our ten year marriage. This is not a stable environment for my kids, I am in a great relationship now and I might want to fight for sole custody and move away..Any advice??

I think that you should try your best to keep these kids away from this dad and new step mom. They sound horrible but then agin if your kids want to see their dad you can't stop them. Maybe you can arrange for him to carry them in the movies or mall alone without this lady or the son. That's the best advise I can give you. Otherwise if your kids don't want to go maybe you can ask him if he'll come once a week at your house and spend 1-2 hours with them.

Good luckk!

Q: So my best guy friend, we've been friends for 8 years. He left for Europe a few days ago, and I CANT stop thinking about him and how much I miss him. And I don't know if I'm just missing him because hes my best friend and I'm used to him being here and talking to him all the time. Or if I'm missing him because I like him a lot and am just realizing I like it. Agh, its confusing.
14/f

I understand ever word you just said. Sometimes it's both and alot of time...friendss (esp best ones) like each other alot and never realise it till the person finds someone else..or in your case moves for a while. Well..I suppose you need to weigh the options...have this happened with any other best friend (girl) and how much did you miss her. If u missed her less....well you def. like him even if it isn't ALOOOT ALOT! It depends...you should know your feelings towards him.....good luckkk!

Q: I am interested in a new ipod. My ipod video broke.
I have questions.

How much does a
2GB
4GB
8GB
hold.

Also.
Can you transfer all my songs into the new ipod? they arn't in the library.

2 gbs is 500 songs
4gbs is 1000 songs
8 gbs is 2000 songs. The average mins of play for each song is 4 mins.

And...the last question. Transfer the songs from your comp to the iPod...yup!

Q: This is extremely embarassing for me to ask.

I am an 18 year old girl from Egypt, but I moved to the USA when I was seven. My parents got me circumcised when I was six. I am worried that no one will want to marry me because I am circumcised, and will think I am gross. I am very worried because when doctors look at me (just check ups, nothing is wrong with me) they gasp, and make a very big deal out of it.

Please any feedback is so appreciated.

I agree with everyone below about the doctors' thing.

The marriage thing...well the point of marriage is loving that person unconditionally...so if that person is reallly INLOVE with you...they won't care about that!

Q: If I go to a salon and ask to get my eyebrows shaped. Do they show you pictures or uh, stencils to chose from? Or do they go off on their own?

Do they shape eyebrows well? Because I had big bushy eyebrows and I overplucked.. for about 2 years. I stoppped and I'm growing them out. They are odd little creatures on my face. Not all that feminine..

What is better? Salon or beauty college ?

I suppose you can ask for stencils or different shapes you want..but salons I know just got ahead and shape it into something that suits your face. And if you've done it before they sometimes just pluck out the hairs that grew back so you need to tell them you want it shaped. Hope I helpedd

Q: My boyfriend's gone for the weekend, and I want to make him a really nice dinner tomorrow night when he gets back.

Thing is, I can't think of a good dessert to make for him. He doesn't like cheesecake, and I don't want to make a cake, because we'll never eat it all before it goes bad.

Any ideas for a really nice dessert for two?

Flan's REALLY GOOD! YUM YUM YUM. The best part is it's really easy to make and there's also the jello flan which takes like 2-5 mins to make...and it tastes tooo srumpcious(sp)!!!!

Q: I have come to the point where I cant write, concentrate, derive pleasure from anything, have difficulty remembering things, have blurred vision, eyes seriously hurt, sometimes have severe headaches, most of the time dont know what I am talking especially with my elder brother. I have nt got father and mother I live my elder brother and his wife since 6 years. I am 26/M an MBA had a successful career but now since six months things have been deteriorating. I cant bear it any more. Plz tell me the easiest way to commit suicide which hurts less and is quick and doesnt make much of a mess.

Hun...there are so many better ways to reason out your problems. Killing yourself...or even thinkin of this is horrible and will not solve anything. I can't advise you to be positive because I'm sure that's not an option...but please just think of ALL the things and people you care for. I'm sure your mother and father would not be very happy to hear that you're thinking these thoughts. I know sometimes life is too difficult, challenging...HARD...but these are tests to see how strong we are. I'm sure you don't want to give it...it just shows how weak you are...and I'm sure you're not weak at all.
The best thing to do is understand why you feel this way. Depression...or something that just is bothering you. There is counsilling (which helps) and there is always someone you can talk to either online or at home or work I suppose.
don't do it hun....

Q: 15/f

Eh. I figure this question has been asked NUMEROUS times before...but I'll give it a try.

I have a (not-SO-serious) acne problem on my forehead, back and chest (a little tiny bit there). And okay....I used just about every acne medication on the MARKET to treat my forehead. (I'm not that worried about my back, since no one ever sees it anyways). Well yeah, my forehead. I used proactiv, acne-free, clearisil, clean and free (?? I think ???) Neutrogena, and COUNTLESS other brands. My forehead has like hundreds of spots of acne. They aren't bumps, they aren't like the red swollen ones...they're more like scar marks (pretty flat). I have NO idea how to get rid of them. Nothing works. I was forced to grow bangs out to cover up my embarassing forehead. Washing my forehead with soap doesn't work either, since it dries it out too much. I'm forced to do the horrible act of putting make-up on!!!!!!! It's AWFUL. Does ANYONE...ANYOOONEEE ;_____; have ANY advice....I don't care whatever it is. I'm willing to take ANY measure....since I'm so freaking desperate to get my skin cleared up ;_;

Thanks in advance! =]

You say they're like scar marks right? Well try a scar remover. I know clearisil has one and neutrogena. I'm not sure of the name...I think it's spot remover or something. Jus go to the pharmacy and ask them.

And if that doesn't work your best bet is trying a dermatologist because she/he will know what's best for it.

Q: the thing is she got me put on probation for 6 months

I suppose you are the girl with the friend problem right?

Well if you are...then you can probably just make a phone call to her to say you heard what happened and you're sorry...and if she needs a shoulder to lean on you're there for her.

I understand you are probably a bit frustrated with her for doing this...but sometimes people think and act..and do clumpsiness!

Q: 15/f

So....I'm sort of in an online relationship (same country). And It's going downhill...since the guy says that he loves another girl who lives in another COUNTRY (yeah...I know -_-). So yeah. What is your advice on an online relationship? I'm a bit confused. I love him, very very very very much. But this whole online thing is SUCH a turn off.....It really is. And the girl that he likes...ugh...I'm GREEN with jealousy. And it's crushing me. :(....How can I rephrase this into a "I need advice" thing...hmmm......should I continue, until we meet up? (hoping he'll dump that other girl??) What are the pros and cons in an online relationship? ???

=] Thanks.

Don't want to burst your bubble...but online relationships aren't really the cherry on my vanilla sundae (if you get what i mean). Online relationships are really weird and strange...and sometimes the person is nothing like what you expected. I know this guy who I liked on the internet and when I met him (through mutual friendS) he's ugly and reallly weird and scary.

Anyway apart from that there aren't too many pros. One of the pros is you get to communicate alot (if you're online alot). you can get to know the person inside and out. Cons are like : The person might not be what you expect; the person might not be who you expect; the person might just use you. I guess you get the point and I'm sure you'll make the write decisions.

On the question of if the continue the relationship..well that's something you and him will have to figure out. Is your love the 'real deal' or just infatuation. Is there something that may trigger a break up in the future? Are you sure he really loves her...or does he love you.

These things you have to weigh in when making this crucial and tough decision...
Good luck in everything

Q: so i had this freind and we got into a fight so now were not we havent been friends for about 2 months and i just found out her dad got arrested and shes never met her mom should i help her?!!

Help in a supporting way and not in a way that'll make her feel really uncomforable. Put yourself in her shoes. If your dad got arrested and u don't know your mom how would u like her to react or what would you want her do.

Don't try to play too friendly...it'll make her feel akward. Be a leaning should.

Best of luck

Q: should you always stick up for a friend even when you know they're wrong?

If you're a best friend or REALLY GOOD friend with this person, I'll say NO! Friends are there to guide and what's the sense lying to them. Don't do it in a mean way but help your friend realise what is right and why she's wrong.

Q: I'm in a desperate need of spending money but I can't decide what to spend it on!

I have THEE worst hair ever! and want to spend it on hair prodcuts or a hair PRODUCT if it give you many things in one.

But I want to shop at a brand store because my clothes are ok I guess but I've been wearing them for three years (I haven't grown and there was no money to buy new clothes) and it would be a great upgrade.

But I want to buy some body prodcuts to help me look more naterally beautiful.

I guess hair would stand out more so it'd be great. My clothes are ok so I don't even know why I want to spend my money on clothes ($25) but I just want to buy a sweater but I dunno why. But I want to buy all of these body butter and stuff.. And I can't buy one hair product, body product, and sweater cuz it will definitely add up over $25.

What should I spend it on and give me a good reason!

Hair stuff firstly. If you still have money you can spend a bit on beauty things. Since you say your clothes are ok...well that's fine. Maybe you can get a few cheap things or make old clothes look new and stylish!

Buy some ok rated hair products so you won't spend all your money on the hair and you'll have a bit left for the beauty things. You don't need to go in a GREAT hair place or STORE just go to walmart or something and get some stuff...and try the old clothes lookin new idea it REALLY works!

GOOD LUCK!

Q: some people say its "gross" when guys havnt been circumsized.. but really is it that gross? its just a little piece of skin right? how much does it really effect things? thanks

Yeah it doesn't make much of a difference except about the aids thing and people say it's cleaner when u hve it circumcised. That's what I've heard and it's also a religious thing for muslims and jews.

Q: I have really noticeable blackish upperlip hair because i have hormone problems with my ovaries. Its not bad to the point where it looks like a mustache. I just dont like seeing it and knowing its there. For months I used facial hair bleaching kit, but then I felt it looked more noticeable. So I bought a facial hair WAXING kit. A week later my hair grew back! I think the wax kit really doesn't work.. but i want to get it professionally done. How long will the professional waxing last for? I heard 8 weeks. I don't care if its longer than a month, but i don't want to have to go out so often for it tho, like every 2 weeks. Or do you think I should just keep bleaching it? Thanks in adviceeeeeeeeee.