Hi everyone, my name is Ediemarie and I am only here to help. I offer this help to anyone who needs objective advice. Don't be too embarrassed or proud to ask me anything. I will answer all questions. If there is something that you just want me to answer, just email me and I promise I will get back to you as soon as I can.
No question is too simple or silly.
Check out my blog on blogspot! (Chattin With Libra Rajani)librarajani.blogspot.com
Website: Chattin With Libra Rajani
E-mail: librarajani@gmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Midwest
Occupation: homemaker/writer
Member Since: August 13, 2008
Answers: 206
Last Update: April 22, 2010
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17/female
i have a best friend. him and his girlfriend have been going out for almost three years now. truly, he is such a good boyfriend and they are really cute together which does make me jealous but within the past couple of months he has been trying to get with me, it's so weird. me and him have always had sort of this connection, and of course an attraction to each other and everyone can see that (all my friends) and so when i tell them this, they're like i think he is just scared to break up with his girlfriend because they have been going out for so long, he was her first boyfriend and she was his first girlfriend, they lost their virginity to each other but then they tell me he wants me at the same time and is starting to get bored with her, they're losing their spark. i'm just so confused i've even tried talking to him about it too, like if he says he wants to "do stuff" with me i will be like you have a girlfriend..and he is like i know but she won't find out and then i was like it's still wrong though and i was like why don't you break up with her then and he always just says i dont know its so complicated like i want to do my own thing but i dont know. and he will be like it's not like she is my wife or anything and i was like pratically you guys are ALWAYS together and he is like thats because she always wants to hang out and i feel too bad saying no. he doesn't EVER really clearly give an explination though and i know he is very confused. i just want to give a comment to him like, "well have fun with her for the rest of your life.." meaning that i think he is too scared to break up with her, he doesn't know what else is out there! what do you guys think, why do you think he is staying with her, i know they have so many memories but if he is getting bored with her, why is he staying with her when he also knows he could have ME.
also is there anything else i should be doing? i try not to interfere with their relationship, i do want him to be happy but i don't want him to be just staying in it for sex and stuff like that. (link)
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Hi,
I think the best thing you can do is to stay out of it before you ruin a perfectly good friendship. If he has problems with her, he should talk to her about it. What's the big deal? If he wants to "do stuff with you" why doesn't he just break up with her and he can.
He can't have his cake and eat it too. That's not right. If he is thinking about doing that to her, what will he do to you. You know the both of them and he is putting you in the middle. That is not fair when you have to look her in the face.
You probably feel very flattered that he wants to be with you over her; it's perfectly normal. Most would feel the same way you do.
I think he wants to have both and if one relationship doesn't work out, he will always have a second. Have you thought about that.
He's not respecting you or her very much. I hope I helped you to see things more clearly.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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Hello.
I am engaged to a great guy, I love him to death. I never had sex until I did it with my fiance. He has had sex with two other people before me. Recently he started talking to the girl he first had sex with. He says they are friends and I know that. I don't understand why this is killing me. It bothers the hell out of me that he would randomly start talking to this girl again. All I can think of is that maybe because he has had other people and I haven't.
Someone please help me figure out my feelings.
Thank You. (link)
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Hi,
it's normal for you to feel this way. It's like they always say,"when you have sex for the first time, if it's good, you're usually sprung. That sounds like you and you are jealous because he's talking to someone he was once intimate with.
It's hard dealing with an ex girlfriend. You really have to be secure. If it really bothers you, talk to him about it and tell him it makes you uncomfortable.
If the two of you are going to be married, his only friend of the opposite sex should be you! I hope I helped.
Good luck,
Edidmarie
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Well me and my gf have been together for 2 years and one day I was looking at a book of hers and realized she was writing her name with her ex's last name and sometimes with my last name and it kind of looked like she was debating about who she wants 2 be with or who she will be better off with. And I was wondering if I should be worried? (Im 18 and a male) (link)
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Hi,
than to help thanks for requesting my advice. I am happy to help you any way I can.
I think you are absolutely right about how you feel. I always say that your gut never steers you wrong and you should listen to it.
It does sound like her heart is weighing heavy on her about who she wants to be with. I'm sorry about that and I feel for you.
However, don't let this feeling linger. You have been going with her for a long time and you should have the type of relationship in which you can talk to her about what's bothering you.
Tell her what happened and what you saw. Also tell her how it made you feel about yourself and your relationship.
It could be nothing at all or it could be something. The both of you are still very young and are still trying to figure things out. In either case, you need to find out once and for all where you stand with her.
That's only fair to you.
Don't get worried just yet. See what she has to say. I hope this helped. Keep me informed.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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I have a boyfriend right now but i feel like my feelings for my ex have been comming back.
I dont know if i should just i.m. him and like catch up but i havent talked to him in about a year and i dont know what to do. Any suggestions? (link)
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Hi,
it's kind of weird that your feelings are coming back for you ex when you haven't seen him in a year. How are things going in your present relationship? If things aren't going too well or you are feeling kind of bored with it all, you might be focusing on the good times you had with your ex and want to recreate that time.
There's nothing wrong with calling your ex just try and be honest with yourself about why you want to do it. I hope I helped.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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i have sex i have been having sex since i was 13 and i don't know weaither this has anything to do with what is going on with my body, but i figured i would ask anyways. so, almost everytime i have sex just recently like the past 9 months, i have swelling in my labia and its very tender... well just recently i have been having sex a lot and the same thing is happening but the swelling is taking longer to go away, and its just appearing on the left side, and it almost feels like its bruised, and it hurts really badly to pee. could it be an ingrown hair? well last night i was in the shower and i also noticed that in my groin area is really swollen and feels like i was kicked in the groin.. the bump is really hard and when i walk it hurts... i have a brase on my leg because i have a broken foot and its lifted in the air quit often... so i might have just pulled it or something but it really scares me.
i told my mom about the groin swelling but not about the other shit because she doesn't know i have sex but i am on birth control and i'm scared to go to the doctors.
what is ittt!!! help!! (link)
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Hi,
there could be a lot of reasons for the swelling including rough and frequent sex, but the fact that it is only on the left side and is hard and swollen concerns me. I think you should definitely have it checked out by your doctor; just to be on the safe side.
P.S. you didn't say what size the bump was. That could make a difference. Hurting when you urinate could be a urinary infection. Get it checked out. I hope I helped.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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I got married on very short notice. I have known him for a total of three years today in fact and been married for 17 months now. I was very young and so was he. Still are. We are both 25. We both have children from another relationship and one together. If I could write in detail everything it could take forever. lol Here is the thing. I am changing as a person and he is not. He is not trying to grow with me and he really doesn't know me at all. We never talk only through text including when we are at home. All he cares about is sex and he wont understand how I can't unless the emotional part is there. At work another man is paying alot of attention to me. He doesn't work there he is just a customer. He actually makes me feel really good about myself unlike my husband who would rather call me names. Did I mention he has cheated 6 times in three years? Not sex but it might as well been to me. Even before this other guy came into play, I wanted out. I can't take the hurt he has caused me but I am terrifed of leaveing. That is just a quick some of things. Now what I would like to know if anyone has been through this or something simular? Will you help me figure out what I should do? I still love my husband but I do not like him if that makes sense. This has nothing to do with the other guy and all I do is talk to him from time to time about everyday things. I cant do that with my husband. This other guy just makes me feel like I'm not crap. That I can do anything I want still. He makes me feel free again. Please. I really don't know what to do. (link)
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Hi,
I have someone who is very close to me that was in your situation. She stayed in the relationship for 20 years. In my opinion, it was the worst thing she could have ever done. She lost herself in the relationship and it was hazardous to her health and the rest of her family. You see, her children suffered as well. I know you don't want that for your children. They tend to pick up when their mother is not happy. They're smarter than we think.
It's hard when you get married so young. You are very luck if the two people grow together. Don't feel bad about that. It's not your fault.
It's sad that the two of you only talk through text. He probably feels that something is wrong and is insecure. That's the reason for his horrible behavior towards you.
The only suggestion I would have at this point would be marriage counseling. I don't know if this is what you want to do at this point.
You have to ask yourself do you even want to remain in this marriage and is it worth saving? Is he willing?
I understand you loving him, but not liking him. You love him because of what he is to you; your husband and the father of your child. You don't like his behavior and what has become of him; perfectly normal. I'm sure there were some good times?
If you can, try and stay faithful in your marriage until you figure things out. You don't have to stoop to his level.
Do some soul searching. I'm sure you will find your answer. I hope I helped and wish you nothing but the best. Keep me informed.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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I've been having dreams of girls lately. Like some are I suddenly wake to be in a relationship with a random girl. (But then I suddenly ask what happened to my boyfriend...)
And others are I don't even see the person, but I have some kind of feelings for them and am searching for them.
Two dreams I'm going to mention are of an old friend and a boyfriend's friend. I'm honestly not sure what the feeling is I have for them.
I mean, yes, when I first met my old friend... I thought she was pretty and such. But I moved my feelings to someone else as at the time she was not interested in girls.
I'm not quite sure what love really is. But I think I love her... but as a friend.
I've been having a couple of dreams of her lately. I'm always looking for her and I feel love towards her. I think I might miss her. I haven't spoken to her in over a year. I was in a bad relationship at the time and I wasn't allowed to see her. I feel guilty ignoring her.
And this other girl, my boyfriend's friend, I met once and didn't really talk to her.
She's barely older than me and has a child. I think I may just care a lot for her. In my dream, I was taking care of her. I think I just might feel bad for her because of her relationship problems. I was in abusive one so I really want her to be happy.
What do you think? I do love my boyfriend a lot. So I'm confused as to why I keep getting these dreams/thoughts/feelings...
Is it just that I want to make people happy? (link)
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Hi,
I think you are really confused about your feelings right now and that's why you are having all the dreams. You might be confusing live with compassion or sympathy. I could be a lot of reasons.
You sound kind of young. You could also be bi-curious. I don't think it's too much to worry about right now. Try to be a little more secure with yourself. You are not doing anything wrong and there is nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you do. Don't be so hard on yourself. I really hope I helped you.
Good luck
Ediemarie
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ok so my boyfriend and i have been going out for almost 3 months, and i was kind of wondering when things are supposed to go to you know, like the next level in a relationship? I mean, he knows that i am a virgin and don't have that much experience with guys, but how would i show him that i am ready you know? and how long do people usually wait once you're in a relationship? (link)
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Hi,
you didn't say how old you were. Teenagers are having sex younger and younger these days. I think the amount of time that you wait before having sex is a personal choice. You should or course make sure that you are ready and have protection. If you're under the age of 16, I would probably wait a little longer that 3 months. Get to know him a little better.
However, if you are sure that you are ready, I think it would depend on your personality. If you are aggressive, I would just tell him that you are ready to take it to the next level. If on the other hand, you are a little timid as it seems. The next time the two of you are together, don't stop him like you probably do now let him proceed. He will eventually get the message. I hope I helped.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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I haven't had sex. But, I heard somewhere that one can get pregnant if having oral or fingering and the precum accidentally goes into the vagina.. (although i know it seems very unlikely..) but if the precum were on his hands and then he fingered you.. (maybe because he forgot to wash his hands before hand.. or you two were just in the moment) could that result in a pregnancy?
(link)
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Hi,
I understand what you are saying and how you got there, but I think it is highly unlikely that you can get pregnant from semen residue left on his fingers. I've never heard of it anyway.
You cannot get pregnant from having oral sex or fingering, but make sure his hands are always clean anyway. It's just nasty otherwise:) I hope I helped.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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well i've been shaving down there for about a year and a half. i'm not really sexually active, i just do it for myself because otherwise i think it's gross and well sooner or later i'll be needing to do it when i'm with a boy. i use the shaving cream called skintimate and i have the venus razor. and afterwards, i put lotion on it. why does it grow back so fast though? like i will do it once a week and right after it will be SO smooth and the next day i will have stubbles already, it's kind of annoying. also when you become sexually active, whats the right amount of times a week you should be shaving if you want the "smoothest feeling" i love that feeling right after shave, it's the smoothest i've ever felt it but it never stays like that :[ any suggestions? thanks. oh by the way im 17/f. (link)
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Hi,
what you've described is pretty normal for most women. I have the same issue. It does feel the best when you are freshly shaved, but that's with everyone. Hair grows very fast and we notice it more because it is shaved clean and we quickly feel stubble. There's really nothing you can do about it. Some women wax,however there is the cost and it can sometimes cause irritation. The clean feeling tends to last longer. I usually shave every other day. As far as being ready for sex, I would just try to anticipate when it's going to happen and shave that morning or a few hours before. That's not always convenient. I hope I helped.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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lol, well i know some guys are like not shy and all but some guys are, will a boy make it obvious he likes yuou? cuz i like this boy but he only looks at me when i dont lookat him my friends see it all the time, why is this? if anyone would knowww.!
thanks. (link)
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Hi,
I have 3 sons, and they have all been shy around girls at some point. Shy boys just require a little more patience when it comes to coming around to a girl. They're a little more insecure about their feelings. So if you really like him, you're going to have to give it a lot of time.
You are going to more than likely make the first move. Find out what interests him and start with that. That should make him open up a bit.
Slowly but surely he'll eventually come around and a friendship should form and hopefully build into a relationship. I hope this helped.
Good luck,
Edidmarie
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13/f
ok this is really embarrassing... but i masturbate, but only w/ my clit and only like every other week or so... that sounds really awkward... ok but i know its healthy and whatever, but i just want to stop. its nice up until it feels REALLY good, and then like a wave of guilt crashes on me, and it makes me feel really weird. so, how do i stop? please dont tell me to keep doing it because no matter how much i tell myself its good for me, it still makes me feel really really weird. any suggestions? (link)
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Hi,
plenty of people of all ages feel the way you do about masturbating. No matter how many times you tell yourself what the psychologists say about it being healthy for you, you are not going to feel right about it until you feel right about your sexuality. You're always going to have the guilt until yo settle that with yourself.
I would suggest taking a break from masturbating for a while and do some soul searching. Find something else to do to occupy your time and get your mind off of it. You are still pretty young. When did you start masturbating and why? Maybe answering that question might help a little. I don't know if I helped, but I hope I helped you to think about some things and let you know that you're alright.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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Hey, so im 15 and im a female.
i've had sex once like about 6 months ago.
i kinda regret my first time. but im was over that and everything is good. lol.
sooo, what i need some advice on is that im going to homecoming with this guy in which ive known since i was like 11 or 12 and who i trust with just about anythinggg! and hes a good guy i guess you can say that. me and him are really good friends and he thinks im gorgeous and he says he likes me or w.e and i really like him, and we've hooked up before (not sex, but like other sexual things) and stuff like that. and we were talking about homecoming and he was saying that we were gna have sex after, and i just laughed about it and never offically agreed, but do you think i should? i mean i know im ready for sex, but i wanna have a relationship with him and i want him to take me seriously. but i also wanna have sex, its been a pretty long time. lmao.. help?!!!!
thanks everyone! (link)
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Hi,
I think you have to ask yourself what you want and what you are looking for with this guy. You say the two of you have known each other for a long time and that's all well and good. The question is do you want to risk complicating things with sex?
Good friends are hard to find now days.
He sounds pretty presumptuous to me. Have you all talked about having sex before?
Hey, if all you are looking for is to hook up and have a good time, then by all means go for it! But don't be surprised or disappointed if you are looking for something more serious and that's all he wants. What I'm trying to say is go into it with your eyes wide open and if you can't read him, ask him what he's looking for out of it. Then you can make your decision. I hope I helped.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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16/f
im very confused right now on if i could be bi or not. i like having girls touch on me and i like touching on girls, but i never get feelings for a girl like i do with boys. (link)
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Hi,
I think at your age, it's pretty normal and common for you to feel this way. You are probably bi-curious. It's probably just a phase that you will grow out of. I wouldn't worry about it. If by some reason you do like girls, that's your business and you shouldn't be ashamed of it. Always be true to yourself! I hope I helped.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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ok, so I had sex at the beginning of the month, on both the fourth and eleventh of October. About two weeks from the first time I had some spotting, it lasted for a few days but was fairly light. I know some women can have implantation bleeding so I got pretty nervous. But yesterday was the day that I'm supposed to get my period and I had bleeding, but not as much as I normally would. It's more than the spotting in the middle of the month, so I don't know what to think.
I've been pretty stressed lately and have made some diet changes, so maybe that could be affecting my period? What do you guys think?
I'm not on birthcontrol and sex was mainly protected ( the first time he didn't use a condom for the beginning, but then put one on. The second time was completely protected. I'm aware of precum, please don't preach to me.) (link)
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Hi,
according to your question, everything you said is probably right. It is true that some women have a period even while they're pregnant, but I don't think this is the case with you.
You did have a period and for the most part you were protected. Most likely, you are worried about it and that is probably causing you to bleed the way you are. You need to just calm down.
However, if this continues on for another month or you are still worrying about it, it never hurts to get it checked out by your doctor. Better safe than sorry. I hope I helped.
Good luck to you,
Ediemarie
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is pediatric a major in college to become a pediatrician or is it just another name for pediatrician??? (link)
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Hi,
no, pediatric is not a major in college. You have to major in pre-med where you take courses preparing you to take the test to get into a medical school of your choice. Once there, you study to be a doctor specializing in pediatric medicine; specializing in treating children.
I hope I helped.
Good luck if that's what you choose to do.
Ediemarie
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today i cheated on my boyfriend of 8 months (don't tell me im a skank or anything like that because i obviously think i made a big mistake)
i was at my ex's house, seeing his sister and we sat down on his bed when his sis was downstairs, well he kissed me when i turned around and then i kissed back and i kept telling him no and i dont want to but he like kept guilt tripping me and saying nice things like i have pretty eyes and stuff well one thing let to another and we had sex for like a minute and he ended up cumming ha and like he didnt even tell me he was going to or anything he claims he took it out before he did but i dont know..
what do i do from here i seriously do love my boyfriend a lot and i want to stay with him but i dont know what to do next or who to tell or what to say?
please help me! (link)
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Hi,
I'm really not sure if you should tell or not. I don't know what the situation is about your breakup with your ex. Does he know your current boyfriend?
If he does, would her tell him for whatever reason? Sometimes guys do this for revenge or to make the other guy feel bad.
Normally I would say not to tell. When you tell your mate something like that, usually it's just to ease your own guilt and make you feel better. In the meantime, he's going to feel like crap. This is unnecessary pain especially if you know it was a mistake and it's never going to happen again.
Again, I would have to say that it depends on what you think your ex will do about being discrete. I hope I helped.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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Hey. This is a story in continuation. My boyfriend wrote me a note today, and he said he would write my best friend a note too. when my best friend didn't get a note, she was complaining to my boyfriend about how she didn't get a note. Its so hard for me to handle this because i'm just sitting there thinking....why the fuck does it matter if he gives you a note? Just because he kisses me it doesn't mean he has to kiss you too.... In the first question, I mentioned that she had been flirting with him. I really want to brake up with him because I think he likes the fact that she flirts with him. He doesn't want to be mine really. If he did, he wouldn't let her flirt with him. And the fact that she always comes running to me all happy and giddy after the class that she had with him showed that he was flirting back. One day I decided to test her. I had just had lunch with him, and earlier on in the day she was happy. I acted all happy and excited pretending that something had happened between me and my boyfriend, before he was my boyfriend. One of my friends asked me why I was so happy, I was just like. I don't know! I really like Joe. Then my so called best friend went deppressed...in like 2 seconds! it was weird. then i realized that she had a thing for him. Today she decided to invite him to a dance at her church. Normally when I ask him if he wants to hang out he doesn't try to ask his mother. But this time when my friend asked him, he asked her to go with him to go ask him mom. Its really sad, but i have to do what i have to do. My ex best friend by the way once told me this..."when i see a girl happy, i get this feeling inside me that says, GO GET HER". I am going to brake up with him, but i just want to figure out if i'm doing the right thing. My heart feels heavy, and i can't take the weight anymore. So if you guys can help me, i would really appreciate it so much. thank you for your responses.:D Would it be better to dump him on the phone, or in person? (link)
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Hi,
you are absolutely doing the right thing. He has a lot of nerve treating you like that and then acting like you are supposed to be cool with it. As I always say, listen to your gut. I never steers you wrong. He has a lot of nerve and it's ridiculous. Some guys are just like that. You are right. I think he loves the fact that another young woman is flirting with him. It makes him feel powerful. Let the two of them feel powerful together.
As you can see, I haven't said anything about your so called bff. This is because he didn't have a relationship with her. It was with you. The issue is strictly with him.
She on the other hand is breaking the vital unspoken code. Never look at or even think about going after your girlfriend's man. She broke it and it is not okay. That excuse that she gave you? What's that about? It makes no sense to me. She's just trying to justify her behavior.
Go to him in person and kick his butt to the curb! I really hope I helped.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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I Have had the same boyfriend for ggoing on 3 years now.we stay together and everyting but why do i feel so lonely.i just recently lost my job so i'm home alone all day.he's off to work at about 3 in the morning and he's home no later than 8 in the evening.when he come in i'm so excited but he comes in say a few thingss and then right back outbthe door to the store or something and then when he gets back he's outside talking to one of his friends for an hour or two and then when he comes in he's tired he ask me for his dinner he eats take a shower and get in bed..and then he hollars for me to come to get in bed so we can have sex and then he turns over and go to sleep..thats everyday we don't spend any time together..we just got rid of my car and for a long time it was only my car we had and now he have his car i'm really stuck inside he takes his keys to work but his co worker come to get him everyday..But when I had my car he had an extra set of keys...what is it? am i just over reacting? or is he trying to keep me inside and away form everybody..i'm already in another state away from my family and friends..is he doing thin purposely?? (link)
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Hi,
you probably feel a little insecure because you are out of work right now and you feel a little lost especially without your family. He is definitely not spending enough time with you or giving your feelings enough consideration. You have to tell him how you feel about this. A relationship takes two accountable people to make it work.
However, you can't count on him to make you fully happy or complete. You have to be complete by yourself.
I don't know what is up with him taking his car keys to work with him leaving you stranded like that. Don't put up with that. You need transportation for things like looking for a job, a emergency etc. anything could happen. I don't think you're overreacting at all. Don't assume that he knows how you feel. He may not. This is a problem. Sit down with him and tell him you don't like it and things have to change. Tell him you are not happy with the way things are going in your relationship. If he loves and cares about you, they will. I hope I helped.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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hii
well heres the story its pretty long.
last week was the last week of the holidays and i was chatting to my friend on the net and she just randomly says to f*#k off and that she hates me and never was really my friend. so i'm like really cofused and thinks she just going through some troubles at home so i leave it. later that week i try talking to her again and the same thing happens but this time she starts telling me that no one likes me and i'm annoying and to stay away from her and her friend who are also my friends. i got really up set and cried.Then school started and i styaed away from her as much as possible which is hard cause i'm in her roll call and i'm in the same group as her. Then all my friends started sitting down the back with her and stuff and some of my other friends told me that she was saying stuff about me and saying that i started it all and that she wanted to start a punch up with me and stuff. then last night her and another girl from my school started a convo with me and started like harassing me calling me a sped and just making fun og me basically. i think i'm going to tell my teacher whats going on. i saved the 2 convo's she had with me calling a hoe and stuff.I just don't know what to do about my friends like all my school friend from my group hate me. what should i do
p.s sooooo sorry for how long it is
xoxo thaks for the help (link)
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Hi,
my son had a very similar situation to yours not too long ago. It's basically all about hate.
For some reason unknown to me people get it in their heads that you think you are better than they are and they decide that they don't like you anymore. When in reality, they're the ones with the problem because they feel insecure about themselves. They know they can't tackle it alone, so they tell lies and bring other people into the situation for back up. They want other people to hate you to. Girls are known for this. They specialize in it.
I hate to say it, but like the previous columnist said, the school isn't going to do much about it unless they violate you in some way. It's tough.
I don't think talking to her is going to do any good. I know you don't want to be friends with someone who would treat you like that. She is an obvious bully and your friends have chosen to follow her.
I don't know how close you are with the other girls, but maybe you could get someone alone that you can trust and find out what her deal with you is. That might be a first step. Hopefully things will die down when they find someone else to harass. I feel for you. It's ridiculous.
At some point, you're probably going to have to stand up to her and just have it out. That's a last resort of course. Keep your head up. True friends will follow. I hope I helped in some way.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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