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My marriage and what to do.
I got married on very short notice. I have known him for a total of three years today in fact and been married for 17 months now. I was very young and so was he. Still are. We are both 25. We both have children from another relationship and one together. If I could write in detail everything it could take forever. lol Here is the thing. I am changing as a person and he is not. He is not trying to grow with me and he really doesn't know me at all. We never talk only through text including when we are at home. All he cares about is sex and he wont understand how I can't unless the emotional part is there. At work another man is paying alot of attention to me. He doesn't work there he is just a customer. He actually makes me feel really good about myself unlike my husband who would rather call me names. Did I mention he has cheated 6 times in three years? Not sex but it might as well been to me. Even before this other guy came into play, I wanted out. I can't take the hurt he has caused me but I am terrifed of leaveing. That is just a quick some of things. Now what I would like to know if anyone has been through this or something simular? Will you help me figure out what I should do? I still love my husband but I do not like him if that makes sense. This has nothing to do with the other guy and all I do is talk to him from time to time about everyday things. I cant do that with my husband. This other guy just makes me feel like I'm not crap. That I can do anything I want still. He makes me feel free again. Please. I really don't know what to do.
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For most of that first paragraph I was sitting here thinking that you two just got married young and didn't have a clue who each other were.
Now, I'm thinking hes worthless.
He doesn't make any effort to talk to you. He asks for sex when there is no intimacy. He runs up excessive bills on porn, which is stupid if for no other reason than there is a wealth of it for free online, and you obviously have an internet connection.
First, you need to get a divorce. Emotional neglect is plenty of reason. Its time, you won't be happy with this guy, and he won't change, possibly ever.
Personally, once you have stated your intention to divorce and moved out, do what you want. Once you are separated and have officially filed for divorce, I'd ask a lawyer but I think you should be fine, it won't be cheating or anything.
Figure out how to get yourself independent and get out. You're still very young, and I'm sure there is a guy or two you'll meet along the way who are actually worth it and will give you a partner rather than a leech.
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Now I'm going to let you know right now that you shouldn't drastically break it off with your husband "YET"... I mean think of your children. I am going to suggest marriage counseling. If he declines which I believe he will, than you need to confront him immediately DO NOT HOLD BACK, and lay everything on your mind about him on the table. Talk to him about it and hopefully he will understand and you two can work it out. I'm not making any decisions for you, that is for you to decide. But, if it were me, if he does not change within the next 2 weeks or less, I would break it off and give the next guy (customer) a chance to treat you better and your kids. You should really think this through and realize that there is someone better out there for you, and your husband is obviously not attempting to mature your relationship, so you really need to get with someone who will mature your relationship and keep your spirits extoled.
E-mail me at for more help at: josephballard10@inbox.com
Please leave me feedback on my answer ThankYou :)
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My mom was married to my father for 15 years and she wasn't happy no one was. There was fighting, arguing, no one got along. I mean they got seperated and my mom is so much happier! and so is my father to an extent things have changed for me and my brothers i mean i am old enough now to understand. but she is with a "stupid" guy and she picks him over her family and we have learned to just get over it. I wish my parents were still together sometimes but im glad they are happy.
I hope a child's well im 17 view on your situation could help you out. i also have a son and i know that i couldnt marry his father and pretend to be happy. well good luck
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Hi,
I have someone who is very close to me that was in your situation. She stayed in the relationship for 20 years. In my opinion, it was the worst thing she could have ever done. She lost herself in the relationship and it was hazardous to her health and the rest of her family. You see, her children suffered as well. I know you don't want that for your children. They tend to pick up when their mother is not happy. They're smarter than we think.
It's hard when you get married so young. You are very luck if the two people grow together. Don't feel bad about that. It's not your fault.
It's sad that the two of you only talk through text. He probably feels that something is wrong and is insecure. That's the reason for his horrible behavior towards you.
The only suggestion I would have at this point would be marriage counseling. I don't know if this is what you want to do at this point.
You have to ask yourself do you even want to remain in this marriage and is it worth saving? Is he willing?
I understand you loving him, but not liking him. You love him because of what he is to you; your husband and the father of your child. You don't like his behavior and what has become of him; perfectly normal. I'm sure there were some good times?
If you can, try and stay faithful in your marriage until you figure things out. You don't have to stoop to his level.
Do some soul searching. I'm sure you will find your answer. I hope I helped and wish you nothing but the best. Keep me informed.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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you need to get out of this relationship, fast.
you deserve so much better.
i used to be with a guy that was all about sex.
basically the only things that he wanted from me were sex and money.
and it took the helpign hand of a friend to get me out of that relationship, btu i did it, and ive never been happier, especially now that ive found the guy im dating now, which im sure is my soul mate.
if i wouldnt have left the other guy, i never would have found this amazing guy.
you need to feel like the guy you are with appreciates you and knwos who you are.
its not fair to you to stay in a relationship where you are not happy.
i understand that leaving isnt easy and its very frightening, but if thats what will help maybe you should just screw it, and go.
and perhaps when he sees that you have left, he will realize that he lost something great and change, but dont bank on it especially if he's cheated 6 times!
the way i see it is the only way you can ever be truly happy again is if you find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and dump this guy.
good luck, and write if theres anything else i can help you with.
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