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Fiance's ex Sex Partner
Hello.
I am engaged to a great guy, I love him to death. I never had sex until I did it with my fiance. He has had sex with two other people before me. Recently he started talking to the girl he first had sex with. He says they are friends and I know that. I don't understand why this is killing me. It bothers the hell out of me that he would randomly start talking to this girl again. All I can think of is that maybe because he has had other people and I haven't.
Someone please help me figure out my feelings.
Thank You.
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The key to controlling emotions is understanding yourself.
Now, a first wildcard guess at whats going on, you feel threatened. You don't know for absolute certainty that you're the best, or "as good" as his previous girls, it unsettles you to think that he misses something about her other than conversation.
Start off a conversation with him. Tell him you need to talk for a few minutes.
Tell him you've been feeling a bit insecure. Tell him that you don't think that there is a problem, and you don't want him to stop seeing his friends, but that it makes you uncomfy and you think he can help you deal with that. Tell him that you feel like you can't be sure you measure up to his previous experiences and you want his help with feeling more secure about your sex life.
Give him a minute to reassure you that you're wonderful in bed.
Now lead off into a conversation about sex. Ask him what he likes, ask him about his fantasies, what does he like that you do, what would he like to do? Tell him about yours. Come up with a fantasy or two, or something you'd like him to do for you. Tell him you want to take care of your insecurity by being the best he's ever had, so that you can know that no one can do for or to him what you can and do.
Turn this into something to do together. Be open to some new ideas and remember that sex is a skill. Practice things with him and ask him what he likes, how something feels, if he wants you to do that, move somewhere else, do something else, and get to the point where you know what he wants you to do before he asks because you've done it so many times.
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Look, don't be alarmed. People who were together don't just disappear from each other's lives. If you're worried, just ask how he suddenly started talking to her again.
It shouldn't be an issue if he has been with other people and you haven't. After all, even really experienced people had a first time too. If you really think it's to do with sex, ask him about it. You're engaged. You should be able to talk about things, including your sex life.
Also, I would disagree with the other columnist's comment that "If the two of you are going to be married, his only friend of the opposite sex should be you". Obviously, your fiancé should be commited to you and you only, but even people of the opposite sex can be just friends.
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Hi,
it's normal for you to feel this way. It's like they always say,"when you have sex for the first time, if it's good, you're usually sprung. That sounds like you and you are jealous because he's talking to someone he was once intimate with.
It's hard dealing with an ex girlfriend. You really have to be secure. If it really bothers you, talk to him about it and tell him it makes you uncomfortable.
If the two of you are going to be married, his only friend of the opposite sex should be you! I hope I helped.
Good luck,
Edidmarie
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