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hi, it's me again who wrote before, "wat do u think" well bascially i have this male friend in college and his quite older then me, the thing is we have a good times by ourself or in groups but the thing is sometimes i'm confused in what things he say's to me and why? he say's thing's like it's just like being married to you? i mean wat was tht all about?? and he also said this in a joke way before that he said "you need relationship counselling i think" as in a jokey way though, then i replied and said; well look who's talikng when you are then one had lots of breakdowns in your past relationship and being dumped ny your ex-girlgriends then he say's; i actually dumped them when only he was trying to deny himself but when i said that he had a grin on his face and went red.
As in the other hand i'm single and i havn't been out with any one for a long time even though i had lots of guy's askin me out in college and out of college but thats not the point i didnt say this to him though because he was saying to me in a joke way and saying are you trying to play hard to get? wat was he on about there! not only that he say's that he has a great sociable time with me when were alone and has called me "you'r such an sex symbol" and no wonder why older guys prefer you more is because you are so attractive and nice/very mature and loving caring person etc...
He also said the other day i can imagine already bumping into you in 8yrs time having lunch with you while you tell me everything about your life.
i mean he does talk to me alot and has a happy smile when i say something to him or make him laugh alot and sometimes he goes red, i'm just confused when he says things tome and why does he say it and what does he mean about it's like being married to you. Recently he has been in a funny mood blanking me then talking to me and sayin is everything ok and how r u etc.. but then agian he makes me be the last perosn to be looked at while he takes his time talking to other girls but i don't mind it's just that why doe she keep me the last one to be listned to is it because he is trying to get my attention or what? and when he talks he looks deep down m eye even thogh my hair is in the way it's like he is trying to serach them and when he talks to teh other girls he always try to glance at me every now and then if i'm looikn or not or wat am i doing? also he does tease me alot and jokes with me alot and winks at me when ever he see's me and say's frount of people it's like being married to you, and he does say hi all the time or if i don't reply he will say it continously and tells me at least you can smile back at me or say hello! and not only that he said i remind him soo much of his ex-girlfriend as he was laughing but he used to say nice thing about her, even though it's his x and he said i also remind him of somebody else with a happy face but why does he mention these peculiar things to me or says it to me then somebody else and he always takes me as a game or a joke and somtimes not taking me seriously or listening to me apart from mirroing me with his face expression or when i say something he is trying to make laugh and always pull his eye-brow up and down but why it's really annoying and embrassing, but we are only gd frineds though we only known each other for 6/7 months. SO PLEASE HELP ME OUT I'M REAL CONFUSED LIKE HOW THIS PERSON IS ACTING AND SAYING THESE THINGS HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHY OR WHAT IS THIS PERSON TRYING TO SAY? ansd i never know what he means it's like being married to you he was realy laughing and having a grin on his face when he said that. well srry about this long essay and thanx ever soo much 4 ur reply tke care! bye sweet facex
(link)
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Well, your description was a bit confusing and hard to read, but as far as I can tell, the guy is flirting with you like crazy.
How old is he, and how old are you? It's possible that he's really interested in you but thinks it would be kind of sleazy to ask you out because of the age difference you mention. If that's the case, then maybe he's decided just to enjoy the flirtation for its own sake -- or maybe he's sending you the strongest I-LIKE-YOU signals he can in the hope that you'll take the hint and be the one to initiate something, and he won't have to feel like a dirty old man.
If the age difference isn't anything major, then I'm not sure why he hasn't just bitten the bullet and asked you out. He may just be the kind of guy who likes to be really sure the girl is going to say yes before he takes a risk, so he's sending a lot of test balloons your way before taking the plunge. Or there may be some reason he can't date you -- maybe he's got another girlfriend? -- but he likes the sexual tension. There's really no way to tell, besides just asking him what's going on.
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when i met my partner things were great, we had sex as new lovers do, then i got pregnant with our daughter, and after the birth i gained some weight, our sex life flopped and it was about once a month if i was lucky, anyway weve now split up and ive tried my vibrator for pleasure, can you tell me if the gushing of fluid i experienced is normal i thought it was wee but it was a different fluid from that, i know women orgasm but ive never known this, can anyone help, also i didnt have pain when this happened it was pleasurable
thanks (link)
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Female ejaculation is normal, although it doesn't always happen. There's a lot of information about it available online, if you're curious and want to do a search. Here's one site: http://www.coolnurse.com/f_ejaculation.htm
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i have been friends with these 2 for 5 years. he finally ask me out a couple months ago but broke up with me like every month and i kept going back out with him. well this time he said that hes not gonna break up with me again and that hes really dumb for breaking up with me. and now shes pissed off at me because she doesnt want me to cry over him again. which i havnt the last 2 times. why would i start now? shes also mad because i dont stand up for her when her brother(my bf) picks on her. all i do is laugh. i wanna say something but yet i dont. how can i get her not mad at me but stay with him. she wants me to break up with him but i dont want to. and also. when i go over to thier house to spend the night i always slept in her room. but now that shes mad at me i probably wont get to. i cant sleep in garys room cuz his dad would freak. how can i stay over there? ok this is 2 long. thanks everyone! bye (link)
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Two issues here: are you in a bad pattern with Gary, and are you being a good friend to his sister?
Your friend might be frustrated because she doesn't like to see you hurt, and she knows her brother well enough to know that he's likely to keep being kind of a jerk. I think it's okay to give Gary one more chance, but if he breaks up with you again, you've really got to give up on him for good. Tell your friend that's what you're planning to do, and then stick to it.
If you know that it bothers her when Gary picks on her, then do something about it. You're his girlfriend -- you shouldn't be scared to ask him to lay off. If he doesn't, that should tell you something about him.
At your age, boyfriends come and go, but best friends can last forever. She's probably upset because she's scared she's less important to you now than her brother, so talk to her and try to reassure her that she really matters to you.
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Trichotillomania, a disorder where one pulls out their hair. I havent officially been told that i have it. But i also have never admitted to anyone besides my mom, dad and sister that i have a problem. It started when i was in elementry when i knotted up my bangs and tore away the knots. Now i just pull and pull, usually during class sometimes when im online, just when im bored. Trich is not about self injury, its something someone notices they do or they can do it without being aware. I pull my hair without the knowledge that im doing it. Its a very hard thing to deal with, its more of hiding it untill the hair grows back in the balding spots. I feel so ashamed that im not good enough to get over it, ive read that people go through their whole lives with it, i worry, i dont want to be plaqued with this curse for my whole life.
My habit seemed to have died when school started up this year but then recently it returned. It began all in one class period. I must have sat there the whole class and pulled and pulled untill the hair was very thin on one side. When it comes back it gets worse, because my self esteem becomes very low and that doesnt help the stress, if thats what triggers it.
I am considering going to a counsellor, but im not sure. I dont know anything about if they put that kind of stuff on a record when you want to join a college or get a job. If so will they turn you down because you have a disorder? Will they put me on anti-depressants? I dont want to be put on meds, i just want someone to talk to, maybe even ways to prevent doing it. Any help on how to prevent me pulling my hair out and what happens when you confront a counsellor about a disorder would being very nice. (link)
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In the U.S., at least, there is no way that information like that would be made available to colleges or employers. That would violate all kinds of laws. Please go see a counselor.
In the meantime, my only suggestion is to try to make it harder for yourself to pull out your hair: either get it cut very short (so it's harder to get a grip on it), or pin it up/tie it back in a tight ponytail in the morning (so that at least you'll start noticing if you have to undo your hair to get at it).
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My cousin lives far away and I get to see her like maybe two months a year well the last time I saw her she said that she has done to many things for God to love her and so she has became an atheist. I don't know what to do except pray but I feel like I need to do more for her. Every time I ask a question on this website no one gives me good answers that I can relate to so please don't let me down! (link)
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Ordinarily, I would say that if someone doesn't believe in God, that's their business, and there's nothing you can do to change that. But if her reasoning is just that "she's done too many things for God to love her," then it sounds like she actually *does* believe in God, but feels alienated from religion for some reason.
Pretty much all religious traditions agree that God's love and forgiveness are infinite, and I'm sure you can find lots of evidence of that in the Bible and elsewhere. (You might ask a member of the clergy to help you find some, if you can't do it on your own.) Show it to your cousin (maybe in a letter), and just tell her that if she ever wants to go back to God, nothing can stop her. After that, it's up to her.
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I never really have any good feelings- i'm always either depressed, bored, sad or apathetic. Haven't felt happy or even angry in AGES, and am sick of it. Could this be because i got less naive (i found out how much the world sucks, etc, after finding out my mom committed suicide and my friend was molested). Also, how do i END this annoying similarity of my feelings.days, etc? I've been kinda contemplating suicide, but only jokingly. masturbation doesn't work either- makes me more depressed. i like art but when i'm at art school i feel calm, not really happy though. When i laugh at a joke i get this .5 second uplift in spirits but then become sardonic and dark all over again. Any advice would be appreciated. (link)
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I'm very sorry about your mom, and about your friend.
It's certainly possible that you have clinical depression, although it's really a doctor's place to make that kind of diagnosis. But it can't hurt to look into it.
Beyond this, though, it's kind of striking to me that the only strategy you mention for bringing positive feelings into your life, besides your art school, is masturbation. If your days are all so incredibly similar, why don't you do something new, out of your routine? Accumulate some different experiences? Start some major art project, or travel to a new place, or volunteer with abused kids, or something. You may find that doing something that helps other people is, ultimately, the most truly rewarding thing there is. Good luck.
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Well see this one day i ahd my friend call my boyfriend up (i know not the best idea) and i had her ask him this one question on a scale from 1-10 1 being you hate her and 10 being you love her and he rated me a five thats like he thinks im ok well i donno if i should dump him or not i mean we have only been dating like 2 weeks and gone out on one date but only in a group of friends should i give him time or push him away?
Lots Of LOve,
Very Confused Girl (link)
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I'm not sure what you expected him to say. You only went on one group date, so it would be kind of weird and inappropriate if he told some friend of yours that he loved you over the phone. You and your friend pretty much put him on the spot, and he probably just wanted to give the most neutral answer possible.
Give him --and yourself -- time to see how it goes.
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Hi,
I'm writing regarding a job offer I received to have a second paid internship at a financial management house as a signal processing system developer. I am an electrical engineering student with a 3.8GPA in Canada and simply wondering if at this point in my education if I should try to diversify my work experience by sticking out the competitive job market, or get solid in-depth knowledge in a position i enjoy and that provides ample respect and compensation.
Thanks (link)
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My advice probably isn't worth very much here because I don't know the extent of your previous job experience; nor do I know what kind of jobs you're likely to apply for in the future, or what qualifications they generally require. That said, "a position that you enjoy and that provides ample respect and compensation" is a rare and lovely bird indeed, so I would go for the solid in-depth knowledge. Perhaps once you are employed there, you can ask to be occasionally assigned to other projects that would stretch you.
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What do you do if you know a family member is having an affair and the wife has no idea why he is ending a 30 year marriage. Do you tell her or do you keep your mouth shut and let him hang himself? (link)
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I would suggest going to the husband, and informing him that he should tell her the truth before she hears it somewhere else. If he asks whether you're going to tell her, say that you have no immediate plans to, but that you won't lie for him if she asks, and anyway, you can't guarantee that someone else won't volunteer the information.
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I was with my partner for 11 years. We then married and 5 months later he met someone else and left two months later, without discussion. We had a very good relationship, and I believed we were together for life. Our respective faults did not adversersly affect the relationship and we got on very well together. He is a very independant/selfish person, but I belive he was not unfaithful to me before this occasion. He tells me he has not left because he met someone else, but becaused I nagged, and that he no longer loved me. Being a woman, yes I did nag, but far from excessivly.
We have been apart for 5 months, and I would still have him back, as I feel our relationship is worth fighting for. I was unaware that he was unhappy, and he made no indication of this. I have written a couple of letters and tried to talk to him, but he is,and always has been,reluctant, or incapable of talking about his feelings in any detail. The most I have got out of him is that he 'loves me, but not as he should'. He has remained in touch, and when I see him, he treats me like an old friend, and acts as though nothing has happened/that we did not have the past that we had.I do belive we could be happy together, despite this, and am prepared to try and put what has happened behind us. Some advice on how to 'play' all this would be gratefully received - what steps do I take to try and rebuild our relationship?. I am 42, and he is 41.
Regards
Anne Wilson. (link)
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He may not have communicated well in the past, but he certainly seems to be making his feelings clear now, unfortunately.
He tells you he doesn't love you enough to be with you. He treats you like a friend, and not like a wife or lover. (Is he still with the other woman, anyway?) If you felt any plausible cause for hope, I assume that you would have said so, but it doesn't seem like you do.
I honestly don't know the situation well enough to say whether you have any chance of getting back together in the future. But I do know that he will have to undergo some great emotional change before he is ready for any such thing. It may not ever happen, and you may not want to wait around forever just to see if it does. You can't control his heart.
A relationship where one partner is giving all the love is not worth fighting for. You deserve so much better than that.
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I'm really shy at school, and I have been since the 3rd grade. I really want to be more social and outgoing!!! I've tried joining clubs and stuff, but that really didn't help.... Any suggestions?!!! I really need advice for this! (link)
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Shy girls unite! I know exactly how you feel: I have lots of friends whom I love to hang out with, but I still can't just walk into a room full of strangers without wanting to run and hide.
I think you shouldn't bother trying to be Miss Socialite: you should try being social with one or two people at a time, to start. If there are interesting people you'd like to get to know, just bite the bullet and ask them to do something fun (I know, it's so hard, but you do have to take some sort of initiative).
Once you've accumulated a few people you feel comfortable with, you can start expanding your network. Try organizing some group activities, and tell your friends to bring other people along. Maybe you could even co-host a party with one or more of your friends.
I'm totally in favor of meeting new people through clubs -- I think it's much easier than any other way -- but you can't expect that they'll automatically produce friends. You still have to make an effort to reach out. Make sure it's the kind of club where you all actually *do* something together, though -- like the yearbook, or a play, or charity work. And make sure it's something you honestly enjoy, otherwise it sort of misses the point.
Also, I'm curious: why since 3rd grade? Did something change for you then, like a new school or something? If you can remember what it was like when you weren't so shy, that may give you some clues about how to change things now.
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OK. To get to the point my friend *billy* asked me what I would do if he died. i told him I would cry (I wasn't really sure what he meant) and I asked him what he would do if I died. He said he would kill himself. But, he also said he would kill himself even if I didn't die. I am 12...he is only 11. His mom used to beat him and he never sees her. HIs dad lives in Alaska and he goes up every once and awhile. He isn't that great of a student and he doesn't think he is cute or anything. So basically he hates his life. He said he won't do it now but maybe when he is older. If he did kill himself I would probably blame it on myself because he really liked me and i sorta liked him and then I stopped liking him and it made him really lonely because he is new and doesn't have that many friends. I'm really scared that he is serious and one day will actually do something. I don't want to like refer him to counseling or anything. What should I say/do? (link)
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Billy certainly doesn't sound like he has it easy, but I also don't think he's truly serious about killing himself. If he specifically said he wouldn't do it now, then these are most likely just the kind of idle thoughts that most people have once in a while.
I hope you realize, though, that if he did (and like I said, I think that's VERY unlikely) it would have nothing to do with you. You didn't do anything wrong at all, and Billy has problems in his life that are much, much deeper than your not liking him.
But Billy has, in his way, reached out to you for help. So if you want to be a good friend, I think the best thing you can do for him is just to be there to listen sometimes, and give him support when he needs it. Everyone needs someone to talk to, after all. Maybe you can help him make some new friends, too -- if he's lonely, that would probably do a lot to make him feel better about himself. What does he like to do? If you encourage him to get involved in some activities that he really enjoys, he will probably start feeling that life isn't quite that bad.
I know you said you didn't want to refer him to counseling, but I think it wouldn't be the worst suggestion in the world. Not because of the suicide thing, but just because he doesn't seem to have a caring, responsive adult in his life right now, and talking to one might help.
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I'm 14 year old girl. and I'm a little confused by stuff... at my school and with pretty much everyone I know it's not really a big deal to make out with someone you don't know or just met and I admit that I have. ALot of the time you can't really go out with anyone unless you give them a handjob or something. It seems sort of wrong to me, and it go me thinking about abunch of stuff.
When I was younger I thought that I wouldn't have sex until I was married and I realized that I don't care about that. Now I just don't know when is the right time to have sex.
Friends of mine have said that they are just going to get it over with at a party we're going to soon or that they'll do it when we enter high school next year.
I was just thinking. How do I know when the right time is for me? I don't care about losing it before I'm married or out of high school, I just want it to be right.
How do I keep myself from doing something stupid that I can't take back? (link)
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The way you keep yourself from doing something stupid is... not to do it. Sorry, but that's really the only solution. If you know it's stupid, you need to trust what your brain is telling you.
You are obviously way, way more mature and intelligent than these friends of yours -- whose attitude is, frankly, pathetic. There are no absolute rules for when is "right," but I think you can probably come up with some very good guiding principles on your own. How about, for starters, when there's a guy in your life whom you know, care about, and trust completely? These guys who are apparently demanding handjobs from whoever they date -- they're not worth your time, and I get the feeling you know it.
Sex is not the hugest thing in the world, but it is very important, and it can have major consequences. Not only things like pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease -- which you should take extremely seriously! -- but significant emotional fallout. And in general, 14-year-olds, no matter how bright, are nowhere near ready to handle it.
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I can sing, dance, model, and act (and much more, not to brag) and i've been dancing and singing all my life and i modeled when i was little and i've done litteraly 28 musicals/plays. And I think it's time to move on. And when i saw Peter Pan, Pirates of the Carribean, and Haunted Mansion...that's when I decided that I wanted to become a REAL actress...A Movie Star! But how do I get there? You see the problem is that I don't live in Califonia which is the hottest spot if your looking for Stardom. I live in stupid old CO. So, how can I get my taste of fame? I've looked for months on the Internet trying to find auditions for young teens, but so far nothing! 1) What should I do?
2) If you find NE film/movie auditions for young teens PLEASE tell me!
Sincerely,
MiSSc (link)
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Well, of course, a "REAL actress" is not necessarily the same thing as a movie star!
If you want to be a professional performer while you're still a kid, the best thing to do is get an agent. Check your local yellow pages or do a web search for reputable agents in your area (and do your research carefully, because there are quite a few shady ones). An agent may be able to help you find commercial work in Colorado, or get you auditions if there are any movies filming nearby. She or he can also steer you toward good professional theater productions. It's a long shot, but if you get a little more exposure locally and things go well, you may decide to try your luck in Hollywood.
If you're serious about an acting career for the long term, though, I would focus your attention on your training for the time being. Find a really good acting coach, and learn everything you can about your craft. Child stars tend to fade out pretty fast, because often all they know is how to play cute. People who start later usually have longer careers, because they're better prepared. And most of the actors you see playing teenage parts are a lot older in real life.
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My husbannd and I want our daughter to get a good education. She will be 5 in July. We can't afford to move, and there is a publice school down the street that seems ok. We were looking at private schools, but I don't drive, and would have to take her on the bus, which may not be that convient. What if I miss it, or it's late, or it's raining. My mother-in-law lives across the street,and she says it would be easier to just take her to the public school down the street. She says private school can wait till Jr. high or High School, when kids are more likely to get in trouble. Her neighbor has two girls that go to the public school and they "love it there". At first, I was judjing it by how it looked, but they have made someimprovements, and it looks pretty nice there now, so I'm going to go visit it and see what I think. My husband found a website that rates schools, and it says that private schools are not held accountable for what they teach, they can teach whatever they want, while public schools are subject to specific regulations. Can any of you parents with school-age children enlighten me on your experiences? Thanks. I would appreciate any help. By the way,not to brag, but our daughter is very bright, and I think she will do well no matter where she goes. She's friendly and outgoing too. (link)
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Most private schools are accredited, which means they have to conform to the educational standards of the organization that oversees the region. They have a lot more leeway in their curricula than public schools do, but generally they can't just go around teaching whatever wacko stuff they want, or they lose their accreditation.
There are some really excellent public schools, and some not-so-great private ones, as well as the reverse. Ultimately, it comes down to how you and your husband feel about each school, and what you can afford. You should definitely visit each school you're interested in, ask to meet with the principals and the teachers, get put in touch with the heads of the parents' organizations, etc. -- you'll get a much better sense that way.
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i know a 8 year old boy who is overweight. He weighs 134lbs. Just a year and a half ago he only weighed 65lbs when he lived with his dad. Would this be considered neglect or abuse that he gained so much? What could some causes be? What can be done? (link)
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I have no idea about the boy's height and build, or what his eating/exercise habits are, so I can't say what's really going on. But several reasons why he might be overweight have nothing to do with parental neglect: he could, for example, have a medical condition (perhaps a thyroid problem?) that only just now manifested itself. The boy should be taken to a doctor, and should try and get back to a normal weight before this becomes a really urgent health issue.
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I've always had trouble keeping my abs in shape. Well actually just the bottom portion. I don't know if it's skin or baby fat or what, but there's a little pooch there. My mom suggested that it was just THERE and the only way I could lose it was with surgery. But I don't want to do that. The rest of my body is pretty trim except for inner thighs that have little fat pockets. I want to know a good way to try to work that lower pooch. I've heard crunches only work underneath the skin...I need something to give me flat lean abs if possible. Thanks for your advice! I'm sure there are more questions like this floating around, but I felt the need to ask my specific question. (link)
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That's where your body happens to keep its last fat deposits. Exercise alone isn't going to reduce the pooch: the only non-surgical way to get rid of it, unfortunately, is to lose more weight, and you may not want to get that skinny. In fact, you probably already have killer abs -- the upper and lower abdominals are actually just one muscle -- but you just can't tell because they're covered up.
I have been told that a diet low in sugars and starches will help get rid of a belly, so you could try cutting back on bread and pasta and eating more veggies and protein, and see if that does any good.
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with secondary education as a major how many grants and/or loans could i recieve and where do i apply for them? (link)
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I'm not completely sure, but I bet you'd be eligible for quite a lot.
Here's a good scholarship website to start with:
http://fastweb.monster.com
Your primary resource, though, should be your university's financial aid office. (If you're still in high school, call the financial aid office of a university you might apply to.) Also check with the university's school of education, or education department -- they'll probably have piles of information to share with you.
Additionally, you should explore the website of the US Department of Education: http://www.ed.gov.
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Perhaps I do get a little defensive and overrect. I'm just so tired of it, I get touchy sometimes. Especially if I'm already in a bad mood or not feeling well. It's like the last straw. I thought of something that my father did at Thanksgiving that really shows how I'm treated. I think I handled it pretty well. I was sitting at the table with various relatives, and my father came up behind me and asked me to hand him a dish that was on the table. At the moment he asked, I was in the middle of answering a question that my uncle addressed to me. Because I didn't hand him the dish fast enough to suit him, he interrrupted me, saying my name, and I ignored him and finished my sentence, so he reached over me and took the dish .Then I said, firmly "I was TALKING!" loud enough for him to hear, but not yelling. I don't remember what his response was. I remember saying "I would've handed it to you when I was finished." And he rolled his eyes, and said sarcastically, "Yeah right." I think I said something then about him being rude, but not that loud, so I don't think he heard me. But this is typical of the way I'm treated. But my father can be difficult even for my mother, not that that's any excuse. What do you think? Could I have handled that better? It occurred to me recently that over the years many of my relatives may have noticed that I'm treated rudely by my immediate family but not one of them has ever come to my defense, probably because they didn't want to "make any waves." But in my family, it's always something. (link)
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Okay, so don't be mad, but if I had been a random observer at that event as you describe it, and I didn't know any of the context, I might have reacted along the lines of "wow, girlfriend needs to chill." Because I can totally see my parents, or the parents of most people I know, reaching for that plate the same way -- especially because it's Thanksgiving, and everything's pretty chaotic and stressful, and he's probably thinking "what, she can't hand me the dish and talk at the same time?"...
But of course, the context is the important thing. It seems to me as though your family has gotten to a point where what sets everyone off is not, actually, people's day-to-day actions -- which may not necessarily be anything huge at all -- but how you perceive those actions to fit into the larger pattern of how you treat each other. So you're automatically looking for evidence that your dad doesn't respect you, and because he's not the easiest guy in the world to deal with, it's not hard to find. (And he might be similarly looking for evidence that you've got a chip on your shoulder, and because you feel like you're in a situation where you have to fight to be respected, he finds it.)
So ultimately, as you clearly realize, the trouble isn't the rude comments (although obviously no one *likes* rudeness!). It's what you think the comments fundamentally mean -- which is that your parents don't appreciate or respect you. But I think it'll be easier if you treat this underlying problem and its symptoms separately for a while, because they're both pretty ingrained, if you see what I'm saying.
So here's what I would try, as an experiment: next time you visit with your folks, go into it (a) ready for the fact that they're going to ride you, (b) prepared to treat it as one of their wacky, amusing habits, and (c) reminding yourself that they actually love you a lot. (It may help if you brainstorm a little beforehand about nice things they've done for you, or good moments in the past.) If anyone says anything that gets you hot under the collar, don't take the bait -- just chuckle sweetly. (Yes, I know that you feel like that's rolling over and taking it. But if nothing else, it's going to throw them for a loop a little!) If they accuse you of insulting them, say as mildly as you can "Oh, gee, sorry, I really didn't mean to," then drop it as fast as possible. Try this method for a while, and see if it makes your encounters with them any more bearable.
If, after a bit, things calm down somewhat, then you may find it easier to talk to them about the big emotional stuff. That could still be hard, and you may want to try your mom first, if she's the less prickly one. But be very open with her -- not accusing her of being mean to you, but asking her to work *with* you in coming up with ways to all get along better. If you want to ask for explicit reassurance that you're valued as a daughter, go right ahead -- but she's likely to respond better if you make it clear that you're asking because it helps you feel better to hear it, not because she's such an awful mother. :)
If none of this does any good at all, then here's another thought. Do you have an aunt or uncle or cousin whom you trust, and whom you could ask for input? Since they probably have a good sense of how your folks operate, they might be able to offer some practical suggestions.
Wow, this went on and on! I hope the extra perspective is a little bit helpful, though... and please write again if you want.
best wishes,
alpha
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I'm 5'3& 1/2 weigh 165lbs, and would like to be 135 at least. I'm a mother of a 4-year old, live in a small apartment where the only room I can exercise in is the livingroom, and it's carpeted, and hard to do aerobics on. Can anyone recommend a good exersize mat? What's bothering me lately is that on top of all that, my face is getting rounder, and my chin is starting to sag. My mother is overweight and her chin is like that too, so I'm afraid it's hereditary. Is there anything I can do to firm this area up? I think that I'm reasonably attractive but I used to be so skinny in high school and my 20's and sometimes I get so depresssed that I'll never lose this extra weight. Most of it is in my middle, stomach, and thighs. I feel that nothing really looks good on me. I also crave junk food and I would like some advice on a sensible easy diet that doesn't require a lot of expense to get my weight under control, and don't forget about the chin thing. Whew! I need help! (link)
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My guess is that the chin problem will go away after you've dropped some weight. When I was about ten pounds heavier, I had my dad's identical chin (not really a double chin -- more like a chin and a half!) but you can't see it at all now that my face is thinner.
I haven't tried it myself, but I'm told that the South Beach Diet is terrific, especially for getting the fat off your middle. Apparently once you've been on it for a short while, you really don't have junk food cravings.
I second the recommendations for a yoga mat. If aerobics don't work for you, yoga is easy to do in a small apartment.
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