Deanimal's advice column

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Q: Okay so theres this guy that I really, really like, and I know he likes me too.. The only problem is, I know he's going to ask me out soon, but every time I get a boyfriend, I freak out and think that they don't like me and I get convinced that they're only staying with me to be nice, and I really don't want that to happen with this one.. Any ideas on how to stop freaking out and just let things happen?? thanks so much!

Well. You seem to have answered your own question. Let things happen.

Everytime you get paranoid, remind yourself "He likes me. If he didn't, he wouldn't still be with me."

Also, when y'all start going out, tell him that if he ever stops liking you to just end it. I do that, and it saves a lot of peace of mind. Then you can be sure he's not hanging on to be nice.

A nice straightforward "You still like me, right?" is also helpful. As long as you don't ask every five minutes. ;)

Q: Er. This is a long one. Sorry about that.

Ever since last year, I've liked this guy. There's no specific reason, I mean, we didn't have a lit in common THEN, but I guess we do now. And there was a dance at the end of last year. I was just dancing with my friends, but my friends felt bad for me, so they asked him to dance with me. (his name is Zach) I never even really wanted to, [I'm really super shy] and he had a girlfriend. So I was totally fine with him not dancing with me. But...my friends asked him, and I never even knew that they did until he walked over and gave me the "I like you, but only as a friend" speech. And yada, yada, yada. All I know is I spent the whole night crying. Not at the dance. I'm not one who likes to cry in front of the person who made me cry. So when I got home, I spent the whole night crying.

Early this year, I wrote him a letter apologizing for what my friends had done. I didn't want to annoy him, so when he asked for no more letters, I didn't write him any. Until he got a letter in his locker that read "I want u I need u oh baby oh baby" And he threw it at me, thinking it wa smy note sent to him. Well, it was sent by this girl named Amanda, who we think likes Zach too.

So I wrote him a note. Like I said, I am shy, and since he was mad at me, I didn't know what else to do. [Was this a good descision?] I was just saying that I didn't write the last letter [The oh baby one] and he believed me. Zach broke up, and got another girlfriend. And all was well. We were friends.

But now we have more in common, and he doesn't have a girlfriend. Should I take the kill, risking rejection for the up-teenth time? Or should I just go for his friend who I think likes me? I like them both pretty well equally. I wouldn't say the same thing if it was last year, but I've gotten a lot more lienent with guys since then. I've also realized that Zach and I are probably never going to happen. What should I do?

I'm trying to be wise with the signoff...

♥ *ad0rkable* ♥

Go for his friend. It really sounds like he doesn't like you, and if you go after him, it will just reinforve his idea that you wrote the dumb note.

If you think his friend likes you and you like him too -- there you go!

Q: There's this new guy at our school. We've already become really good friends and I've introduced him to some other people. But he doesn't seem to open up in public. (like on AIM we talk for hours, but at school it's just a simple "Hi") What can I do to make him feel more welcome?

Well, for starters, actually talk to him in public. Kind of force it on him. Chances are, once someone actually takes the time to talk to him, he'll be more open in public. Don't just introduce him to people, let him stick around you and your friends while you pay attention to both, sort of meshing him into the group.

Q: i drink at parties..but im afraid one day my parents are gunna catch me if i come home wasted..help?

Uh... stop? Or don't drink to the point of intoxication? Or don't come home wasted?

You've answered your own question.

Q: Im doing a history timeline and i need to see what happaned on certain dates for my timeline and i dont know any website where i could type in 3/14/87 and see what happaned or where i could just type in 1966 and see what happaned then in that point and time .. so if you could help me that would be great!

http://www.scopesys.com/anyday/

Go there, it's fantastic.

Q: I've been friends with the same group of people since I moved here(8th grade). I'm not a junior in highschool and just about fed up with the way they all act. I mean, don't get me wrong, they're great friends but well...act pretty slutty at times. Actually, they don't act like sluts...they are sluts. They are they typical "popular slutty cheerleaders" and I don't want that to reclect back on me becasue I'm not like that. I want to stop hanging out with them but I don't want to just be like "hey, I don't like you guys anymore...see ya around." What should I do?

Slowly distance yourself from them. I'll assume you have at least a few friends who are different. If you don't, find some. Gradually hang out with people you like more and the sluts less. "Drift Apart" as friends so often do.

Q: I'm going to camp in the summer for the first time in my life. (I'm 14) I've known my friends for 3 years and they've never known me without makeout. I don't use alot but a little bit of eyeliner makes a hugeee difference! Anyways, I don't know what I should do because I don't want my friends to see me makeup-less...I mean, with makeup, I look "decent" but without, you won't even recognize me on the street. I look horrible! Please don't say..your friends should love you for you..I'm very self concious about myself and I really want to know what to do. Thanks in advance-I rate!

Now is a great time to let go a learn to love yourself, as is. This isn't about your friends at all, this is about YOU. The thing is, we think we look drastically different with or without makeup, but we don't. I rarely even notice when my friends are wearing makeup unless it's some weird bright color. It doesn't change you as much as you think it does. With that said, have you ever just... skipped the makeup for a day? I usually wear makeup and I highly reccomend it. It's exhilarating. It's just girlfriends, anyway, right? Who is there to impress?

If you must, take a small stick of eyeliner and apply a little. It's pretty quick and easy if that's all you're doing. Eyeliner is the one makeup item that does actually make a noticable difference, so I can see where you're coming from on that.

Q: I dont have normal nightmares like most people. My worst nightmares are falling down the stairs. Lame huh? So i'd just be stepping down these wooden stairs, and i'd hesitate on the last step, and fall. I always wake up with a fast heart beat. What does this mean???

Falling/tripping dreams rarely mean anything unless in the dream, something seems menacing.

Hey, I don't have nightmares either, don't worry about it.

Q: Does anyone know where I can listen to songs from the movie "Chicago" without buying the actual movie?

You mean like a... soundtrack?

Q: My best friend since 5th grade (we're Jr. now) recently started dating this girl. Well, we live next door to each other and she was over at his house this morning. I was in my backyard and they were in his. I over heard her tell him that she doesn't want him hanging out with me anymore. I didn't hear what he said back. Should I ask him about it or wait until he brings it up?

Tis easy. Act normal. IF you notice him spending less and less time with you, THEN talk to him. Say that one of your friends told you that his new girlfriend was being really protective and not letting him see friends and stuff. Say that you miss him. After that, he should see she's not worth losing his friends.

Q: Ugh. My best friend kelly thinks she's a really good singer. The problem is... she sux! She's also going to be in the talent show and perform a song. When she does, she's gonna be sooo emmbarrased aftwerwards! Everyone's gonna make fum of her. I don't know what to do, or how to break it to her!! Should I just let her be TOTALLY embarrased? Help!! Please!!

Let her listen to herself!

Oh, it's so simple!

If y'all are together, say maybe it would be fun to record yourselves, and let her listen to her recording. If she still doesn't see anything wrong with her voice, let her perform, you're not going to be able to talk reason to her without a huge fight.

...but I bet the recording thing works.

Q: Hello, im 15/f. Heres the problem, it sounds really stupid but please dont laugh. Ok so whenever im at my friends house or out somewhere and i start laughing really hard i start to well "pee" my pants. I can't help it and i always get embarassed. Does anyone have any ideas to stop this?

Haha, that happens to me occasionally, but not too often.

Go to the bathroom often enough that your bladder is generally empty, and wear a pantiliner.

Also, do kegals. When you're peeing (on a toilet) try and stop the flow of urine. When you are certain how that feels and what muscles you're using, do kegal contractions 20 times a day, always trying to hold them for longer each time. This exercise strengthens the muscles that keep your bladder closed, so accidents will be less likely.

Q: When I'm out buying blank CDs to burn on my CD burner, is there any real difference between plain ol' blank CDs and those "music" CDs? I mean, they have "Music" on the labels and they're more expensive, but I was wondering if that was all just marketing or if music CDs were really different.

There's CD-R and CD-RW

CD-RW can be used over and over and often doesn't play anywhere except for computers.

CD-R is written on once, and then is permanent. It plays anywhere.

By "music CD" maybe they meant CD-R

Q: I have very pale, sensitive skin and I burn easily. I have never properly tanned in my life and this year I want to get a tan. I have to use a high SPF sunblock or I will burn. What is the best way to go about getting a natural tan with my skin type? I don't want to use sunbeds or fake tan.

You don't want a natural tan, trust me.

Try a fake tan. I know you said you don't want one, but some of the new ones look really good.

Mystical Tan is getting pretty inexpensive too. (Around 15 dollars where I live)

Q: i went on a cruise this summer and met a lot of new friends and still keep in touch with a few. but heres the thing, my friends at home get really mad if i even mention them. i dont think its because they are jealous because they are always exclusive to me and never have me over, ect. they also get mad if talk about a boy a like. its not really them getting mad, they just role they're eyes or sigh or look like really annoyed. i constantly feel like i have to watch what i say or they'll get mad at me. what shoudl i do?!

It sounds like you need new friends. I'm going to be harsh here. You are the annoying one in their group. It sucks. I've been there.

Find some friends who really like you and won't roll their eyes when you talk about boys or your cruise friends.

Q: I like this guy, like SOO much and no matter who i date or how much i try he's the ONLY guy on my mind. The thing is he's a popular sophmore, and im a not so popular freshman. but he's different from all the popular guys i've known though, like hes really caring and REALLY easy to talk to ..
I told him i liked him a long time ago but he said he didn't really no me well enough to like me.. so its been like a month and half and hes started to act different towards me like in gym we had to carry really really heavy boxes because we were doing reconditioning, and he offered to take my box, but nobody elses. and just like it came up in convorsation who he liked but he wouldn't say like it was a HUGE secret (my friends said its beacuse they think he likes me, but i dunno).
And yesterday when we were gettin out of school he was behind me, and he threw a nickel and it hit my back pack, but i didnt even realize anyone threw it so i kept walking. and three other times he threw pennys and i didnt do anything. and after he threw the last one he's like "Hey" and i turend around and "he's like im trying to get ur attention here and" and im like so why r u throwing stuff at me like kidding around and hes like b/c i can. then he asked how i was and then got on his bus .. but i dunno its just weird .. maybe im being to hopeful or could this possibly mean something? ... how do i tell if he might possibly like me .. or if he's just friendly ..

Don't get your hopes up. Guys around his age have a way of flirting with a lot of people.

If you want to know what he thinks, you've got to observe how he acts around other girls. If it's totally different, THEN there's a major chance he likes you.

Q: okay.. well theres this one guy names tony and me and him were makin out and all, and i gave him a handjob. but i didnt have sex with him and i had my period. sO , he went and blew his load and it went on my hole. so i was wondering if u have ur period, and that happened, could i possibly be pregnant??? ill rate high, just please help ..

Yes, although not as likely as when you're ovulating, you CAN get pregnant ANYTIME during your cycle, especially if he ejaculated on, in, or near your vagina.

Q: Dear Advicenators,
At my workplace, several colleagues and I have an awkward situation that has developed between us and our boss. It has gotten so bad recently that it has begun to affect the quality of our work and how we interact with her.

On several occasions in the winter months, she has come into the office directly from the outdoors and started an informal meeting, many times without even putting down her coat or bag. The problem is that there is typically a great deal of condensation and mucus that has decended onto her upper lip and into her mouth. She doesn't notice it, but it makes it impossible for her employees to listen to her.

In addition, she has terrible halitosis. It is so bad that when her employees are talking with her, they can not concentrate on what she saying. As a result, they make mistakes in the areas that were covered in their conversations.

What can be done? Any kind of intervention might result in us getting fired.

What do you suggest?

Sincerely,
Grossed out in Gotham

Oh man, that's bad.

Try having someone send an anonymous letter to HER boss explaining the situation with the breath and how it is affecting work. I'm almost positive it's illegal to fire you for such a complaint.

This may not be very... plausible, but I'm sure a mirror installed at the back of the conferemce room would get her to notice her upper lip. ;-P Maybe someone not likely to get yelled at could offer her a tissue or handkerchief?

Q: I have found myself snapping at people calling them complete morons and other such insults. I do it when I am frustrated or even slightly annoyed. I have no patience for anyone it seems. Later on I regret saying such things. I've said these things to friends and family, and even my boyfriend ,whom I adore. But when the moment hits me it seems I can't prevent the waspish comments from bursting out. How do I explain to these people why I say such things? I've hurt their feeling and it really upsets me. I don't mean to be mean. It seems i just can't help it.

When you are annoyed and/or angry and you know that you are prone to snapping at people you don't want to hurt, avoid them. If that is unrealistic, tell them beforehand, "I'm really stressed right now, so if I snap at you, I'm really sorry." And when you do it, apologize instantly.

When someone is particularly annoying you, hold your tounge and thank about not snapping. Think before you speak whenever you can.

I do the same thing, but I'm learning not to.

Q: Well, recently, My best friend told me what happened at a party when i was 14,i am now 16. As it turns out, at that party, there was some extesy going around. Someone snuck it into my drink. I was lead away from the party,to the basement. When i woke up from the extisy, A guy was inside of me. I was sexually assaulted. I tried to get away, but he hit me again to knock me out. I had a mental block of this night, and when my friend told me of what might of happened at that party, it all came falling down. I have horrible flashbacks. She is the only one who knows. I am having some weird pains in my stomache that started at age 15, i thought it was nothing, but as it turns out, i went to the doctor. When i went to the doctor, he revealed that i had aids. What do i do? He video taped it. one of my guy friends was looking at a porno site, and said they saw someone who looked extremely like me on a video. I asked for the site, and went to it. It was the man. The tape is on a porno site. I do not want people thinking i am that way, a porno star. What do i do about this whole horrible weekend?

I thought at that party i was just going to have fun.

Please help me.

I am sorry this is long.

Oh wow, I'm so sorry, that's absolutely terrible.

You need to contact the site with the video and tell them to remove it immediately. If they don't comply, get the law involved, that is child pornography, you can easily get them jailtime.

If you can, try to press charges on the man, if you know his name, or anything to identify him with.

I'm so so so sorry about the AIDS. Please tell me your parents are aware that you have it and all that... they have to be, right? If not... they need to know. They can help you get everything else all sorted out.

bio

My name is Deanna: aka manrashi, banana, deanimal

I'm 15 and I like answering questions. I try to be as competent, coherant, and helpful as possible. Everyone is welcome to ask me questions personally, as it it makes me feel special.

I LOOOVE cooking and drawing and other artistic type things. I also like altering photos and making avvies/icons in photoshop, so I will take any requests for those as well. (email or IM me).

Please rate my advice, and rate it fairly. If I deserve a 2, go ahead and give me one, you won't hurt my feelings.

Pet peeve: people who answer questions just to say "That sucks, I don't know. Sux 2 B u."(If you don't know, why are you answering?) and people who say "Hope I helped!" (Obviously, or you wouldn't have an advice column)

Haha, sorry.

I'm out.
>>-Deanna->