A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Hi, fifteen, female. There is this boy and he has been my best friend since third grade, he's the best. When I'm down, he knows and he asks me to tell him about it and everything or he'll play his guitar for me because he knows I like when he does. My mom is absolutely in love with him, she thinks we are going to grow up and get married, like most best friends do. I'm totally honest when I say I don't know my feelings for him, I thought he was just my friend but I kinda can see him as a boyfriend now. He holds open doors for me and all the gentleman-esque things. But, I look at other girls he has liked in the past and I am NOTHING like them. In class we were talking about a leader of Germany and my teacher said that the leader reminded him of Regina from mean girls. My friend mumbled something to himself but the person he sits next to heard him and asked if he liked her, he answered her and they started laughing then he turned around and quick looked at me. Everybody in my school always makes fun of us because apparently we're in "love" and we need to get together ASAP. I ask my friends why they think he likes me and they said the way he looks at me, it isn't like how he looks at other girls and how he smiles when we talk but I just looked at that as 7 years of friendship. His brother, in collage, makes fun of us too. My friend is a great guy and I trust him with my life. Both of us play instruments and one day I gave him food because he was hungry and he loved what I gave him to eat so now he asks me for them all the time, just something we share, between me and him, ya know. I guess my question is -> do you think my best friend likes me as more than his friend and if so how do I approach this situation without messing up an amazing friendship?
Thanks! (link)
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There are two approaches to this, each with its costs and benefits.
You can wait. It is a fact that relationships which begin in young teenaged years are difficult as young adults. You are both maturing, but more importantly you are both changing into the people you will be as adults. No one is anywhere near fully formed at 15, and adapting to the changes in each other can cause alot of friction.
Because of the age and maturity issues there, friction can turn the relationship very sour very quickly. Thats just a fact of life, everyone grows up to some degree, even the people who remain perpetual children.
Waiting, approaching the idea when youre both older and more personally developed, lets you skip some of the trouble in the first place, and lets you deal with what arises from a more mature standpoint.
The risk there is that he falls for someone else. He's obviously dating around, and its possible he could meet someone he actually sticks with and you end up Julia Roberts to his Michael O'neil.
The other option is to speak up now. Start something and deal with what comes. The downside to this is questions in your 20s. You WILL feel like you got together early, you WILL feel like maybe you missed out. Every relationship has difficulties along the way, and when you hit yours one of the questions that will rise to the surface eventually will be "was I too young and stupid to make that decision?"
Starting earlier means that you'll be having to learn to work on and maintain your relationship at the same time you're supposed to be learning to work on and maintain an independent adult life. You will have to grow up as independent adults and mesh yourselves together into a working cooperative unit all at the same time.
Things like this are what make our divorce rate in this country. People who truly have no idea what they're getting themselves into. The catch all here, is that the question I talked about may be right.
You two are who you are now, and you might work well. Who you will be in 5 years? Very different. And different 5 years after that. You cannot guarantee that you two will work well together, but after 10 years, probably marriage, and hopefully both getting careers of some kind, there might be things like a mortgage and kids involved.
Honestly, I would recommend waiting a long while, and flirting occasionally. Send hints every once in a while that you find him attractive.
After reading through that more than once, I'd tend to side with the "He's into you" side. Kid sounds pretty close to head over heels in love if you ask me, I remember being a teen and following girls around like a lost puppy, which is kind of what he's doing with you.
Encourage him, spend time with him. Think about it. There are merits and risks to each proposition,
If you'd like to talk more, send me a private question. I've got a question or two if you go that route
- do you two flirt with each other? Give me the best example conversation you can.
- Physical contact? In as much non explicit detail as you can. Examples would be things like does he seek hugs, or does he actively grab you? Are you two more teasing with tickling or do you cuddle? Give me an idea of the atmosphere between the two of you when you're alone, are you playful and goofy together or are there sweet affectionate moments? A mix?
- What would you describe the girls he dates as? Try to be as unbiased as you can.
I try to get a picture of the people involved in the situation when I give advice, and those questions jumped out at me. I have a good picture of the events, but not of your interactions with each other.
I can tell you that its extremely rare for a guy to be a sweet best friend to a girl the way you have so far described, for that guy to be straight, and not imagine you naked. If he isn't gay, he's thought about sleeping with you at some point. If this starts to drive you too crazy, talk to him before you withdraw and start acting wierd.
But be prepared. Male/female friendships as close as you two are seldom work out well, because you've got alot of the foundation for a romantic relationship, and all thats really missing is attraction.
If attraction exists on either side, that side won't be happy with just friends, and the relationship will either become romantic or inevitably destroy itself in a most gruesome and unpleasant way.
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when ever i think about sex I get really disgusted, sex seems so nasty and gross, i mean someone licking you down there and eating you out gross, and someone fingering you and putting there parts in you, im being serious, well my question is, Is sex gross? (link)
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No, it really isn't.
Sex is messy, don't get me wrong. Its perfectly common to need a shower afterwards. That doesn't mean its gross. It's intimate.
Think about being naked. I can't imagine you spend much time naked around anyone. Most people don't, its not exactly common to hang around with your friends having a back yard BBQ naked.
But couples are naked around each other all the time. Its about trust, about something that you definitely aren't going to be alright with around others that is alright around them. About being able to enjoy things with them that you can't enjoy with others, because there's trust and no judgements.
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17/F
I got off my period on friday and had protected sex on saturday.Unfortunately, the condom broke towards the end but my partner DID pull out.There could be a chance sperm is inside me,but i don't know.I was wondering what my chances are of being pregnant?I know sperm lives inside for 3 days and I ovulate after 2 weeks.I began taking birth control on sunday night (I've never taken it before,this is my first time) So is there a high chance I'm pregnant? (link)
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Virtually zero.
You're right, you ovulate after 2 weeks. Sperm can actually last up to a week (they last a few hours in the vagina, a day or two in the uterus, and up to a week if any reach the fallopian tubes, so assume a week) so right now unless something pretty abnormal happens you can't get pregnant.
Birth control usually must be taken for a week before its fully effective. Take it responsibly, and there should be no gaps in protection.
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me and my boyfriend had sex for the first time the other day.He lost his virginity to me ,but i lost mine to someone else and have had sex manyyyyy times before.I wish that I was as tight as i was before i lost my virginity but i'm obviously not. I don't know if he realizes it or not ...! He still orgasms ,so i guess he must get some pleasure out of sex with me but I really am embarassed of it.I haven't asked him if he cares that I'm not as tight as other girls,but do most guys mind that stuff or not? Is there any way to make your vagina tighter? help! (link)
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Follow the link below and do Kegels. Do them constantly, over time they greatly increase the strength of your muscles down there, and it can actually increase the strength of orgasms.
You also, eventually, can just squeeze yourself to make it tighter than any woman has ever been naturally.
That said, the below is also correct, the vagina is elastic and is designed to be stretched. After sex, it goes back to its original level. Even after childbirth, regular Kegel exercises can keep middle aged women just as tight as they were as teens.
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Hey guys. So the other night I was with my boyfriend and he asked for a blowjob. When he took off his pants, I noticed he wasn't hard (which was weird because we'd been hooking up for a while, and he had been feeling me up and stuff). But I didn't think it was that big of a deal. Then I started giving him a blowjob and he wouldn't get hard. I tried everything and when he did get hard, it wouldn't be completely hard and it would only last like.. maybe 30 seconds to a minute. I was doing this for about 25 minutes total. At first he said "sorry, I've masturbated like 3 times today". But later, when I asked him if there was anything I could have done better, he was like "I prefer when you're more naked". Regardless of how clothed I was, I was giving him a blowjob.. he should have been able to sustain an erection, right? I've never had this problem before, and I'm wondering if it's an underlying problem? Thanks so much (link)
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Haha. This question makes me laugh.
To counter Rahzie, the guy's response.
Nerves are very, very likely. It sounds like the first time you two did anything together, he was undoubtedly kind of apprehensive, if nothing else being worried about rejection. After, three times getting himself off can definitely have the effect described. Being tired (you said night) can also have a big effect on performance.
Masturbation three times in a day isn't all that abnormal, especially for a guy who isn't having sex. Its highly likely that he "prepares" himself to be around you so that he isn't thinking about his dick the entire time he's with you. Male teenaged hormones can be annoyingly persistent and overpoweringly strong. Keeps us from staring at your cleavage and imagining you naked all night. Well, it doesn't stop us, but it makes us able to concentrate on other things while we do it.
Just tell him to leave himself alone the next time you're supposed to spend a night together, and everything will probably go fine. You gotta figure that its going to take time to figure each other out, sex is a skill after all.
Rahzie, either you've dated some fairly uptight or religious guys in the past, or they smell judgement and lie their asses off. Beating off twice a day is not uncommon for a guy who's actually getting laid regularly. For a teen who isn't, three times before a date to keep himself sane is really pretty normal.
Its true, you expect your guys to keep themselves ready for you.
I'm also pretty sure you don't spent a few months progressing through the making out, fingering, oral, and then sex stages. These kids aren't working from a fully adult relationship standpoint where once the clothes come off everything goes.
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1) How much is it?
2) What brand would you recommend?
3) Where can I get it?
4) Side effects?
I want birth control pill sfor two reasons:
1) I hate my period. It's completely unpredictable and annoying and I hate having to wonder WHEN I'm going to get it.
2) I want to have sex wiht my boyfriend soon. of course he's going to use a condom, but I want to be prepared. Because there is no way I can afford an abortion and no way that I am going to let a pregnancy get in my way of going to college and getting a degree. I dont' want a stupid mistake to mess up my life. (link)
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Go to google. Look up planned parenthood, find the one closest to you, pay them a visit. They have tons of information, and can provide a real (and free) person to talk to you, for you to ask questions of and have more of a conversation with than post/response.
You can also usually get birth control through them at a low price. Generics can cost as little as 9 or 10 bucks a month.
Also, thank Christ, a girl who's dead set on finding birth control before she starts being sexually active.
Also, irregular period is a great way to bring the issue up to your parents. Parents have a hard time accepting their kids being sexual, so when the issue comes up don't shy away from sex. Just put it forth as "I will have sex someday, you know it and I know it. I have an irregular period now, and I'd like to see a gyno, talk to them, and see if I can't find a birth control that will regulate and reduce my period"
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Ok, so me and my boyfriend had sex the other night and (this might be disgusting but it might help my situation if i describe what happened) i was on top, it was the first time we had ever had sex, and also the first time I'd had sex in 8 months. Well we were switching spots when he must have noticed the condom was gone. But i got off when i switched, and i also didn't notice any differance in texture i still felt rubber lets put it that way And now im freaking out b/c i tried getting the plan b pill but you have to have a prescription for it if your 17 or younger which is bs b/c im 17 and the pharmacy wouldnt sell it to me. and its been about 48 hrs and i kno it takes 72. So now i feel alil bit of cramping and i have to pee alot. What does that mean? Can I get pregnant? I'm not sure what to do. (link)
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The obvious answer here is to get a friend to buy it. The age restriction is stupid, and is not a legal restriction, it's store enforced. It is legal based on a judgement in a US court about a year ago for girls 17 and older to purchase emergency contraception. This decision overruled a previous one mandating an age of 18, and the order was made to the FDA so the law is applied across the entire nation.
In other words, at 17 you're legal and the store is just effing stupid. Get an 18 year old friend to buy it for you, you won't be breaking any laws. An equatable legal situation is you're 21 years old and the liquor store thinks you have to be 22. If you get another 21 year old friend to buy you the alcohol, neither you nor the friend is committing a crime.
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My boyfriend is 18. And has absolutely no understanding of what is and what isn't acceptable in certain settings.
He grabs my ass in public. This isn't a habit, just something he does randomly (or when we're on a bus / train and I'm getting off at my stop). if he thinks nobody's looking or around, however, he attempts more PG-13 / R-rated stuff. It doesn't bother me WHAT he does, just WHERE we are; if we're completely alone, I'm up for most things, but if we're out in public...no.
He also doesn't give a damn abotu what happens in his house. His bedroom door doesn't have a lock. If his mom's home, he doesn't give a shit if she catches us doing anything. I, on the other hand, would not appreciate his mother walking in and seeing me with my shirt off. (That's an awkward conversation to have.) Anyway, he doesn't push me to do anything I don't want to when I'm over and does block the door, but I have to ask him to do so. (I guess this behavior could be attributed to his parents pretty much ignoring him as a child?)
Anyway. Of course I'm going to confront him about this. The only reason why I haven't done so yet is because I'm his first girlfriend; at first I assumed he was just new to it all, as was I, and needed time to grow out of it or whatever. I guess I was wrong; a couple of months have passed and still nothing. So what exactly do I tell him?
And what should I do about this? (link)
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This is a difference of background. Its interesting the things that people grow up seeing as perfectly acceptable, and seeing their homes and what caused it.
What you have to understand here is that acceptable is relative. Your boyfriend isn't really wrong, he's just outside your comfort zone.
I'd start out with a conversation about personal differences. Tell him that he is OK with things that you are not, and that its not bad that he's OK with these things, but sometimes the difference between the two of you makes the things he do awkward or uncomfortable for you.
Move on to your enjoyment. Explain to him that certain situations make you uncomfortable, so you aren't enjoying what he does like you should. Back this up with something along the lines of "I love being intimate with you" and tell him that when he cops a feel in public or wants to make out around people, that you're uncomfortable the entire time and that its not fun for you.
Make compromises. Focus your efforts on the public realm and getting him behaving like an adult around other people, and go through the trouble to bar his door yourself. Hell, install a lock. A little googling for knowhow and a trip to the hardware store to buy a door knob with a lock on it and you could quietly institute a fix yourself. I bet that could cost you less than forty bucks if you borrowed tools from someone (like your dad, his dad, a friends dad, etc)
This isn't so much a phase as just behavior that you were taught wasn't acceptable and he was not. If you go at this scolding him like a tall puppy he's probably just going to dismiss you as being uptight. If you explain logically that you are more uptight than he is and you need him to act in a certain way because you can't help but be bothered by it, and explain explicitly to him that your discomfort is tied largely to the presence of others, not to him, then you should be alot closer to achieving some kind of compromise.
This doesn't go away. Every man you meet is a 6 year old boy who's good at following rules (or breaking them without being caught) and we all love to touch and play with the objects of our affections. Teach him that his standards are not the only ones in play and reward him with extra attention when you are comfortable. Like a puppy.
I never said don't treat guys like puppies, you just can't let us notice it.
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my boyfriend of about a year keeps indirectly pressuring me to have sex with him and it bothers me. and i feel kinda guilty cause hes on the football team and he gets pressured from people and i know that. but i wouldnt do it because of that, but im just really feeling pressured now, even though i never thought i would. but im not ready yet, cause im only a junior in high school, and ive told him that im not ready yet. what should i do? (link)
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Stand your ground.
I played football in high school. Yeah, there's some pressure on the guys to get laid and to not be the guy who's every girls best friend. Not nearly as much as he's going to make it into.
You really shouldn't be so worried about his end of things. I really highly doubt that the teasing he gets for dating a girl for a year without sex is alot lower on his list of motivations than getting laid in the first place is.
How to solve the problem?
Tell him something along the lines of the following
"I'm not having sex until I'm ready. This has nothing to do with you, and I'm sorry that waiting sucks so much. Believe it or not, I'd like to fuck you too, but I'm not ready to have sex with anyone. You and I both know that won't last forever, but I'm not getting naked on anyone's timetable but my own, and I'd appreciate it if you'd try to tone down the pressure"
On the other side of things, high school guys are horny. Guys are horny in general, but in high school during the midst of puberty and testosterone infusion its alot worse. Buy him a fleshlight and some astroglide if he's not taking care of himself enough to give you some peace now and then.
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My boyfriend and I were talking about sex the other day. We both want to wait until we have a stronger relationship (we've only been dating a few weeks) and I'm glad we both agreed on that. He said he was interested in seeing my vagina though. He said that there wasn't anything bad about me showing him myself down there but I'm not sure if that's ok?
He told me he'd show me his penis if I wanted to see it and I kind of do want to see it. Obviously we haven't even touched each other sexually yet but I'm kind of thinking that we'll end up doing something if we get naked lol But I don't want to have sex yet...but I do want to make him happy and I am kind of curious about what his penis looks like (but what if it makes me horny or something and we end up having sex?!).
So, I sort-of want to show him but I'm scared. What do you all think? Should I show him my vagina or should I tell him that it's too early in the relationship and I'm too uncomfortable with it? :\ I really want to make the right move here...please help... (link)
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The point of taking clothes off is to do things. Granted, as young as people generally are on this site, he might well be curious because he's never seen girlparts in real life, but really he should get over it.
There's nothing wrong with nudity, seeing others naked, etc. However, in this context, you're dating and you're not ready for intimacy. That means no, you don't inch into bad territory because your boyfriend wants to see a vagina so he has an image in his head to beat off to.
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THIS IS NOT NORMAL HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA. I'M BEGGING YOU TO READ THE WHOLE THING. PLEASE.
16/F
There's this guy at my school that has been literally obsessed with me for like two years.
He texts me constantly, and I used to text him back and we'd have these really cool intense conversations.
But then it got a little scary. About two months ago, he began to text me every single day like once every thirty minutes until I answered him back. And I'd have to answer him back, because if I didn't, he'd come up to me the next day at school and corner me at my locker and ask me to explain why I didn't answer him back. And he just would have this puppy dog look in his eyes, so he looked non-threatening, but he'd also be blocking my way out with his arms.
He's constantly leaving notes in my locker and on my desk in homeroom about how we're going to spend the rest of our lives together and have a bunch of kids. We are not dating.
I've told one of my friends about it, but it's embarrassing because I don't know what to do. Plus, he keeps telling me in every note not to tell anyone because they'll make fun of our "love" and he doesn't like it when people make fun of him.
This note thing has been going on for almost a month. And if he sees me flirting with a guy in the hall, he just gives me this look and then he'll corner me after school again. I'm allowed to flirt though, aren't I?? Well I can't anymore and I've stopped.
The puppy dog look has left his eyes by now.
And the reason why I've finally gotten up the courage to write this is because I'm all out of ideas. My friend that I told doesn't know what to do about it and she isn't really taking it seriously. And I'm too scared to go tell the guidance counselor about it because I'm pretty sure he'd find out somehow. (He tends to follow me around school). But the thing is that sent me over the edge is that he called me last night after school (today is Saturday), and his speech was slurred so I'm guessing he'd been drinking, but he said that he was planning on killing himself soon unless I:
1) stop flirting with other guys
2) stop talking to other people when he's around
3) have sex with him soon
He's crazy, right? What to I do? I was so scared last night that he was going to come over my house. I locked all the doors and I slept in my brother's room.
I don't want him to kill himself, obviously, but I also want him to leave me alone. I'm scared also too that with everything else that's going on (the notes about how we're going to be together forever) that if he does choose to kill himself, he's going to take me with him.
Please help, I'm so scared right now. (link)
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Lord.
You have encouraged this far beyond what could be considered wise or sane, which means that to a large degree you've screwed yourself out of a nice calm ending to this. It sucks when you become the object of someone's obsession, but worse this guys convinced you're in love with him.
Learn from this, pay attention to people who exhibit the same signs this guy does.
That said, its time to involve an adult. Confronting this guy will likely send him into cascade failure mode, ignoring it will get you more stalking and creepery. Shitty choice.
Normally, I would advocate the non confrontational approach, but he delivered an ultimatum that included sex. Blatant emotional manipulation.
Its time to become outright hostile. Nothing else will drive the message home. Pity is done, sympathy is done, you should not send him any other message right now besides "get away from me"
Also, involve an adult. Tell your parents whats going on, and if he does not back off after your next interaction take it to a school counselor.
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When ever I am playing on Xbox Live while someone is using a computer/lap top at home, I lag. Why does this happen? I lag only for a split second when the person is browsing web pages, but I lag a lot when the person is watching videos or downloading files. How can I fix this? I heard you can make your Xbox the main priority with the internet sharing that way the computer is slow instead of the Xbox or something like that, or do port forwarding with the Xbox. If any of those suggestions are true then how can I do it? Other suggestions would be nice, looking for a not so complicated way where I can enjoy Xbox Live without suffering lag while someone is on a computer. And don't say wait for the person to stop using the computer because that's not what I'm looking for. Oh, and my Xbox is directly connected to the modem with a really long cable going from downstairs (Xbox) to the upstairs (Modem). (link)
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Honestly, get a better connection.
I'm picturing your network right now, I think you mean that your x box is plugged into the router. Both cable and DSL usually have a modem which is connected to a wall, which is connected through its one ethernet port to a router, which can be connected to more computers and can send out wireless.
If you actually ARE plugged into the modem, that might be part of the problem. Modems are generally not designed to handle routing tasks and to help manage data flow on a network.
This would mean your modem has more than one ethernet port. The best solution for this would be to buy a router (I recommend Linksys) and plug the router into the modem, then plug everything else into the router. That should help some, especially with online gaming, which doesn't actually require that much bandwidth.
If someone is actually downloading, however, you're probably going to still see alot of lag. For that, you just would have to get a connection with more bandwidth. There's only so much that can be sent or received at one time, and the X box communications are likely to be lower priority than file transfers and video, so some of your data gets dumped when the networks overflowing. Hence, lag.
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okay so i am 16 and i think i may have of gotten a yeast infection. I am not sexually active and i have never had a flare up before. i have been doing a lot of research and my symptons match that of a yeast infection. i am very embarrased by this and i dont know how to tell my mom. we dont really talk about stuff like that. i really dont want to tell her at all.
so my question to you is 1. have you ever had a yeast infection? and how was your expierence.
2. have you tried the at home remedies?
3. were you embarrased to buy medication at the pharmacy.
4. did you tell anyone?
i want to try the at home remedies first because this way i can avoid telling anyone or being seen buying yeast infection medication. im really embarrased about this. any information will help.
thanks in advance. (link)
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I'm a guy, but my wife got these about once every three months for the first four years of our relationship. They can be brought on by anything from stress to changes in dietary or sleeping habits, or just being a bit too thorough during a shower.
I've seen all of these. Asking a doctor might be out of the question, but you CAN drive across town at night with sunglasses on and go ask the pharmacist of a CVS about it, as they're generally pretty knowledgeable about stuff like that.
Its really nothing to be embarrassed about, but I get the discomfort. I may be a guy, but I imagine playing sports resulting in athletes foot in places other than the feet is probably a similar experience in many ways.
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My boyfriend and I REALLY want to have sex in the shower for our first time. He said his friend told him that if we use some sort of soap (like bar soap or even SHAMPOO) that we won't have to worry about me getting pregnant. That way we won't have to buy condoms or anything too. Sounds great, yeah? :D
My parents are going to be away this saturday for a little while and I thought about asking my boyfriend to come over and we could do it in the shower. ;) I'm kind of nervous about the soap thing though because I don't want to end up being a pregnant teen.
:) Is it true that you can't get pregnant if you use soap as lubrication during sex in the shower?
And, if so, what is the best soap/shampoo to use for lube in the shower? ;) ;) THANKS (link)
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As stated so eloquently below, its a dumb idea and will provide no means of contraception.
Additionally, inserting soap into your vagina could do anything from causing a yeast infection to severe skin irritation not unlike serious sunburn.
Do you want your vagina to feel like sunburn?
The best lube is lube. Water based works fine as long as you keep the shower head pointed somewhere else.
For contraception, get on birth control. Until then, use condoms and in the same aisle as condoms is VCF. Vaginal Contraceptive Film. Read the directions and use it. It can dry you out a bit, so lube is recommended. In the event of condom breakage, its quoted at like 85% effective at preventing pregnancy on its own.
Be smart, don't risk catching shit, fucking your body up, or get knocked up because you want to have fun. Cover your ass and be responsible, sex is adult and its time to start acting like it. This is why people make laws about minors and sex, because we all remember what it was like to be your age, and we all have kids your age as a current example of how fucking stupid and ignorant teens can allow themselves to be.
Educate yourself before you fuck your life up.
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I've been wanting to change my birth control methods to something safer than the pill and I ran across these intrauterine devices called Mirena. I don't really know much about the Mierna IUD though and was hoping that somebody could tell me some more about it before I see my doctor next month for my yearly check-up.
Are there any serious side effects of having the Mierna inserted? Is the Mirena safe to use as birth control? Does anyone have good or bad experiences with it (please share, if so)? All information is appreciated... (link)
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http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2437594&pagenumber=1
This should be good reading for you. None of this is professional advice, however it is a large gathering of disparate viewpoints and experiences with birth control.
Ask your doctor, and google "Mirena IUD side effects" and such and do a bit of research into it on your own. But the link above should at least contain some good general information if you're willing to read through it. Theres a post about Mirena on the first page.
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My best friend is dating an older guy and has been for almost a year now. I know she is a little older than me so I thought she knew what she was doing but they had SEX and now she's PREGNANT at 19! She didn't even tell me that they actually did IT! Well, he's 35 though and now she's all about marrying him so that he can be the baby's daddy on paper too.
I keep telling her that this is a really bad idea because he's much too older for her. My mom is so shocked and thinks it's disgusting that he took advantage of my friend like that and I agree! I don't think there are any real laws against this (is there?!) so I don't think there is anything we can do except try to talk her out of this mess.
What can I do to help her get away from this creepy older guy? I have to convince her that he is NOT good for her. What 35 year old actually goes out with a 19 year old anyway and then has sex with her?! What is my friend thinking ruining her life like this and actually having this baby and thinking of marrying the man? Please help me help her (link)
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Honestly, my wife's mother is 15.5 years younger than her stepfather. They've never had kids together, but they got married when she was like 24...
Your friend is an idiot, but a 35 year old who is willing to marry a 19 year old is likely to be pretty loyal.
You know, truthfully, its not all that disgusting. Its fucking stupid as hell, but not all that disgusting. If he's attracted to 19 year old women in a serious dating capacity at 35, he's got maturity issues. Your friend, at 19, is showing evidence of similar maturity issues. Sadly, this makes them somewhat compatible.
Your friend is an adult. 19 is young, certainly immature, but still adult. She's more than old enough to make her own decisions, and deal with the consequences. Let her deal. Support her. You can't stop this, and if you try you'll lose your friend.
Because she's right. If they're serious enough about each other to be willing to get married, they owe the kid taking a shot at creating as normal a family as they can for him/her.
Also, you can't assume she's keeping the baby for him. Its been said by many people, that men don't really feel like fathers until they see their children. Women, on the other hand, feel like mothers pretty much from the moment they realize they're pregnant, whether they want to or not. Its somewhat biologically programmed in.
Your friend sees herself as a mother. Why do you think that abortions are so hard for so many women? Especially if the girl wants kids someday, they will from that point on see themselves as a mother who aborted her first child. You can't blame your friend if she doesn't want to live with that, and you can't blame her for reaching out towards a family with a guy she's in some form of love with instead of looking at adoption and having a strange 18 year old showing up on her doorstep with questions down the road.
Talk to her. Spend some time just listening. This is hard for her, whatever you think, and before you rush in trying to fix her problems for her you need to spend some time with her getting her to open up, because I think you'll see that trying to force her and this guy apart will at this point do far more harm than good.
Taking responsibility isn't pretty sometimes, but your friend is trying to grow up the best way she knows how. Don't treat her like a kid who needs to be saved from the immature slightly creepy 35 year old. Treat her like an adult woman who is living her life and making her own choices, and needs people she can trust to go to when things get shitty.
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I just found out I'm pregnant and I know I should give my baby what is best for him/her but I really don't know much about pregnancy. This is going to be my first baby and it was completely unplanned so I'm pretty nervous/scared.
Anyway, I got to thinking yesterday about the things I eat and how healthy they might be for the baby. Then I was thinking...like, you're not suppose to give dogs chocolate (or so I heard) and stuff like that...you know, rules about foods...is there anything I'm not suppose to eat while I'm pregnant?
I have a doctor's appointment in two weeks but I want to get a jump-start on this...so if anybody can list some things I can and cannot eat while pregnant I would be really happy so I can show my doctor that I'm serious about caring for my baby.
Oh, and what about things I NEED to eat while pregnant?
Yeah, sorry, all these crazy pregnancy questions...haha...thanks for the help though! (link)
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Raw fish is one, because of mercury. No sushi.
Other than that, anything that isn't toxic to you shouldn't be toxic to your kid. Because your child is running off your immune system right now, anything that would hurt you hurts the kid.
I'd avoid pork for the time being, mostly because of its potential to be undercooked and thus give you food poisoning. Otherwise, most stuff is going to be fine. Fresher, less processed foods are going to be better for you, so cooking is generally better than eating out. Variety is important, try to get all the food groups every day. Stock your home with fruit for snacking in between meals, eat plenty of salad, etc etc.
Pasta is a great pregnancy mainstay from what some of my friends with kids have told me. You can make it fifty thousand different ways, you can load it up with veggies, get your dairy, get your starches, etc. And every pregnant woman Ive ever known has had some form of obsession with alfredo.
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I drink Gatorade (the "sports drink") every single day. I like most flavors of the Gatorade so I'm not too picky about that. I know it's suppose to be good (?) for you since it has electrolytes for your body to function better but I don't know much more about it. Well, I guess I also know it helps to keep you hydrated too, right? I don't think it has caffeine in it but I am not entirely certain. I'm not sure if there's anything actually considered to be addictive in it.
Is it possible to be addicted to Gatorade? Are there any negative side-effects associated with drinking too much Gatorade or drinking it too often? I don't want to do any serious damage to my body because I enjoy this drink...but it seems like I can't go a day without it before I start CRAVING the taste again?! It's really freaking me out now...info please? (link)
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Well, there is water poisoning, but you'd have to be drinking a pretty ridiculous amount of gatorade to overload your system with fluids like that.
Other than that, sugar. Gatorade has tons of refined sugar, which isn't all that good for you. Significant amounts can lead to weight gain, and while I have no idea how much gatorade it would actually take to fuck up your sugar regulation systems, you could conceivably give yourself diabetes if you're drinking enough of it on about a daily basis. I'd guess that, in addition to normal teen daily sugar intake, a half gallon every day could probably do some damage.
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15/f
I Have Been With my Boyfriend for 4 months since febuary fifteenth and well we have talked about sex when we first started out and he said he doesn't want to because it really hurts for your first time, but things have changed since then. we hav fell in love and I have brought up the situation about him giving me head and he said yea I would definitly give you head (this was recently) So Now I think I'm ready to have sex. Like I don't think it would ruin anything becuss we are really close and connected couple honestly . . Buht like how do I tell him I'm ready? (link)
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At 15 I have to throw out the default advice against it. You're too young, etc etc, all the things you'll ignore completely.
But I still have to say it.
Anyway, have you considered going with the humor approach? Like sitting him down and saying "I want to talk about sex" and when he looks rapt with attention and wonders what about sex, reply "having it"
I can promise that whatever happens to the relationship, 10 years down the road it will still be an enjoyable memory.
When you need to talk to your significant other about something that you're shy and embarassed about, few things can be more effective than a quick and blunt delivery. You get saying it out of the way as fast as possible, and then you get to enjoy that you're not the only one mortified in the room.
If you're good, you can horrify/shock your boyfriend worse than you are, and then you rule the power dynamic for the rest of the conversion, he'll just sit there and nod his head and give you whatever you want.
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my boyfriend and i are having sex but i can't get on birth control because i know my mom will find out!
We are using condoms but they only work sometimes so when is the worst time for getting pregnant so we can not have sex when there is the most chance of getting a full belly? (link)
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Nothing is guaranteed. Random cycle changes can make you ovulate early (or late) or even occasionally a woman has had her period not actually flush the egg out of her uterus.
Generally speaking, you ovulate at 14 days after your period ends. Semen can survive up to a week if they get to the fallopian tubes, which means that sex a week after your period can get you pregnant. Before that, its relatively unlikely (as in something abnormal has to happen for you to get pregnant)
Look into VCF and lube. VCF is Vaginal Contraceptive Film. Little breath strip looking things that dissolve into spermicide inside you. They can absorb a bit of moisture, so lube is a good investment, but it provides a second line of defense in case of condom breaks. That's also another reason for lube, you want things nice and lubricated so the condom doesn't break from friction.
VCF is quoted as being like 85% effective at preventing what otherwise would have been a pregnancy when no other contraception is present. Used with condoms, it should give you some good protection. Follow the instructions on the box, you have to put it in and wait 15 minutes. You find the stuff in the same aisle as condoms. Tell your friends about it, as I'm sure you know a bunch of other teens who are young and stupid and have only condoms to use for contraception.
And get on birth control. Google planned parenthood, go to the one closest to you, and talk to them about options. This is why we tell kids they're too young for sex, you're being stupid in thinking that an accidental pregnancy is a better thing to risk than risking your parents finding out you have sex.
You're acting like a child. Protect yourself. If your parents find out, at worst, thats four years of hell before you can get out. If you get knocked up, your parents find out, and its a minimum 18 year and 9 month sentence. Use your damned head.
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