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Best friend to more?
Hi, fifteen, female. There is this boy and he has been my best friend since third grade, he's the best. When I'm down, he knows and he asks me to tell him about it and everything or he'll play his guitar for me because he knows I like when he does. My mom is absolutely in love with him, she thinks we are going to grow up and get married, like most best friends do. I'm totally honest when I say I don't know my feelings for him, I thought he was just my friend but I kinda can see him as a boyfriend now. He holds open doors for me and all the gentleman-esque things. But, I look at other girls he has liked in the past and I am NOTHING like them. In class we were talking about a leader of Germany and my teacher said that the leader reminded him of Regina from mean girls. My friend mumbled something to himself but the person he sits next to heard him and asked if he liked her, he answered her and they started laughing then he turned around and quick looked at me. Everybody in my school always makes fun of us because apparently we're in "love" and we need to get together ASAP. I ask my friends why they think he likes me and they said the way he looks at me, it isn't like how he looks at other girls and how he smiles when we talk but I just looked at that as 7 years of friendship. His brother, in collage, makes fun of us too. My friend is a great guy and I trust him with my life. Both of us play instruments and one day I gave him food because he was hungry and he loved what I gave him to eat so now he asks me for them all the time, just something we share, between me and him, ya know. I guess my question is -> do you think my best friend likes me as more than his friend and if so how do I approach this situation without messing up an amazing friendship?
Thanks!
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I'm having the feeling he does like you.It's super sweet everything you have said but think about what you feel about him.If you like him just confront the situation but dont tell him you like him before you know he feels the same way for you.You can start the conversation like this:Hey I need to talk to you about how people at school say we are in love what do you think about that?Also I have heard rumors that you like me are they true be honest?.Be nice but confident when you talk.Good Luck!:)
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There are two approaches to this, each with its costs and benefits.
You can wait. It is a fact that relationships which begin in young teenaged years are difficult as young adults. You are both maturing, but more importantly you are both changing into the people you will be as adults. No one is anywhere near fully formed at 15, and adapting to the changes in each other can cause alot of friction.
Because of the age and maturity issues there, friction can turn the relationship very sour very quickly. Thats just a fact of life, everyone grows up to some degree, even the people who remain perpetual children.
Waiting, approaching the idea when youre both older and more personally developed, lets you skip some of the trouble in the first place, and lets you deal with what arises from a more mature standpoint.
The risk there is that he falls for someone else. He's obviously dating around, and its possible he could meet someone he actually sticks with and you end up Julia Roberts to his Michael O'neil.
The other option is to speak up now. Start something and deal with what comes. The downside to this is questions in your 20s. You WILL feel like you got together early, you WILL feel like maybe you missed out. Every relationship has difficulties along the way, and when you hit yours one of the questions that will rise to the surface eventually will be "was I too young and stupid to make that decision?"
Starting earlier means that you'll be having to learn to work on and maintain your relationship at the same time you're supposed to be learning to work on and maintain an independent adult life. You will have to grow up as independent adults and mesh yourselves together into a working cooperative unit all at the same time.
Things like this are what make our divorce rate in this country. People who truly have no idea what they're getting themselves into. The catch all here, is that the question I talked about may be right.
You two are who you are now, and you might work well. Who you will be in 5 years? Very different. And different 5 years after that. You cannot guarantee that you two will work well together, but after 10 years, probably marriage, and hopefully both getting careers of some kind, there might be things like a mortgage and kids involved.
Honestly, I would recommend waiting a long while, and flirting occasionally. Send hints every once in a while that you find him attractive.
After reading through that more than once, I'd tend to side with the "He's into you" side. Kid sounds pretty close to head over heels in love if you ask me, I remember being a teen and following girls around like a lost puppy, which is kind of what he's doing with you.
Encourage him, spend time with him. Think about it. There are merits and risks to each proposition,
If you'd like to talk more, send me a private question. I've got a question or two if you go that route
- do you two flirt with each other? Give me the best example conversation you can.
- Physical contact? In as much non explicit detail as you can. Examples would be things like does he seek hugs, or does he actively grab you? Are you two more teasing with tickling or do you cuddle? Give me an idea of the atmosphere between the two of you when you're alone, are you playful and goofy together or are there sweet affectionate moments? A mix?
- What would you describe the girls he dates as? Try to be as unbiased as you can.
I try to get a picture of the people involved in the situation when I give advice, and those questions jumped out at me. I have a good picture of the events, but not of your interactions with each other.
I can tell you that its extremely rare for a guy to be a sweet best friend to a girl the way you have so far described, for that guy to be straight, and not imagine you naked. If he isn't gay, he's thought about sleeping with you at some point. If this starts to drive you too crazy, talk to him before you withdraw and start acting wierd.
But be prepared. Male/female friendships as close as you two are seldom work out well, because you've got alot of the foundation for a romantic relationship, and all thats really missing is attraction.
If attraction exists on either side, that side won't be happy with just friends, and the relationship will either become romantic or inevitably destroy itself in a most gruesome and unpleasant way.
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It sounds like you guys have a great relationship together, and if I'm right, if the friendship is strong enough, you guys will be able to survive through everything. Including, revealing your secret to him. Just pull him aside one day and talk to him about it...I'm sure he feels the same:) Good luck and you guys can survive through everything, just remember that. And also remember that if you secide to keep it from him, you're going to regret it so much later in your life when you realize that you ahd your chance, but you lost it. If yuo do ask him,a and even if he doesn't feel the same at least you'll know that you tried which is all you can do. So instead of regretting it later on in life for never knowing if he felt the same way, and wanting to die of anxiety becasue you never even asked or got an answer, you should just go up and ask him, face to face!
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