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How do deal with boyfriend..?
My boyfriend is 18. And has absolutely no understanding of what is and what isn't acceptable in certain settings.
He grabs my ass in public. This isn't a habit, just something he does randomly (or when we're on a bus / train and I'm getting off at my stop). if he thinks nobody's looking or around, however, he attempts more PG-13 / R-rated stuff. It doesn't bother me WHAT he does, just WHERE we are; if we're completely alone, I'm up for most things, but if we're out in public...no.
He also doesn't give a damn abotu what happens in his house. His bedroom door doesn't have a lock. If his mom's home, he doesn't give a shit if she catches us doing anything. I, on the other hand, would not appreciate his mother walking in and seeing me with my shirt off. (That's an awkward conversation to have.) Anyway, he doesn't push me to do anything I don't want to when I'm over and does block the door, but I have to ask him to do so. (I guess this behavior could be attributed to his parents pretty much ignoring him as a child?)
Anyway. Of course I'm going to confront him about this. The only reason why I haven't done so yet is because I'm his first girlfriend; at first I assumed he was just new to it all, as was I, and needed time to grow out of it or whatever. I guess I was wrong; a couple of months have passed and still nothing. So what exactly do I tell him?
And what should I do about this?
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This is a difference of background. Its interesting the things that people grow up seeing as perfectly acceptable, and seeing their homes and what caused it.
What you have to understand here is that acceptable is relative. Your boyfriend isn't really wrong, he's just outside your comfort zone.
I'd start out with a conversation about personal differences. Tell him that he is OK with things that you are not, and that its not bad that he's OK with these things, but sometimes the difference between the two of you makes the things he do awkward or uncomfortable for you.
Move on to your enjoyment. Explain to him that certain situations make you uncomfortable, so you aren't enjoying what he does like you should. Back this up with something along the lines of "I love being intimate with you" and tell him that when he cops a feel in public or wants to make out around people, that you're uncomfortable the entire time and that its not fun for you.
Make compromises. Focus your efforts on the public realm and getting him behaving like an adult around other people, and go through the trouble to bar his door yourself. Hell, install a lock. A little googling for knowhow and a trip to the hardware store to buy a door knob with a lock on it and you could quietly institute a fix yourself. I bet that could cost you less than forty bucks if you borrowed tools from someone (like your dad, his dad, a friends dad, etc)
This isn't so much a phase as just behavior that you were taught wasn't acceptable and he was not. If you go at this scolding him like a tall puppy he's probably just going to dismiss you as being uptight. If you explain logically that you are more uptight than he is and you need him to act in a certain way because you can't help but be bothered by it, and explain explicitly to him that your discomfort is tied largely to the presence of others, not to him, then you should be alot closer to achieving some kind of compromise.
This doesn't go away. Every man you meet is a 6 year old boy who's good at following rules (or breaking them without being caught) and we all love to touch and play with the objects of our affections. Teach him that his standards are not the only ones in play and reward him with extra attention when you are comfortable. Like a puppy.
I never said don't treat guys like puppies, you just can't let us notice it.
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