I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
Visitors: 32796
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I planted a lemon thyme 4 weeks ago in a large flower pot. I watered them a while ago and suddenly hundreds of ants climbed up to my plant and, I think, are eating it!
Please help! How do I get rid of those pests? Ants totally freak me out and I don't want them eating my thyme plant! (link)
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Try sprinkling some red pepper (powder, preferably, but at least crushed) on and around the plants.
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I have been married for 7 years. It has not been the easiest of roads. However, usually things seem to work out, but only to go down the same rocky roads over and over again. My husband has been my best friend, a good provider, and a good daddy. However, he goes on drinking binges. When he does, his brother is usually over here. His brother is a very nasty man that my husband happens to adore. His brother gets really friendly with me, and I usually take the kids and leave. Or my husband gets a nasty attitude with me and I have to take the kids and stay with a friend or at a hotel. This happens about every other month. I have begged him to get counseling and he promises never to drink again, only for his brother to come over and there's a drama that hurts me and my kids. I feel like I can't do this anymore, it get's worse and worse. My husband gets really irritable for about three days, gets drunk, treats me horribly, I threaten to leave, "he sees the light", everything goes good, and two months later it's like this again. He was married before and all of his children have been in prison. I'm afraid mine will go down the same road, yet I'm a child of divorce and it hurts so bad not to have both parents. I'm in such a catch 22. (link)
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Wow, this is a tough one. It sounds like you really do love your husband and your family. Its encouraging that you seem to have such a drive to keep your family together. This may sound counter-intuitive to you, but if you want to save your marriage, leave. Find a place, pick up the kids and leave as soon as you can. The only way he'll realize how serious you really are about him getting help is if you carry through with your threat. Think about when you discipline your children. You may threaten to take away their favorite toy if they don't behave, but unless you actually take the toy, they'll just keep on misbehaving. Your husband is the same way (except he's not a child and the consequences for his "misbehaving" are much more serious). He does just enough to avoid trouble and then reverts back to his old ways once he can relax again. You are right about his needing to get help. But, unfortunately, the only way he's going to get it is to finally come to the end of his rope. Once you pull the rug out from under him he'll have to make a choice b/w finally getting help and getting his family back or being alone (or at least alone with his nasty brother) for the rest of his life. My intuition is that eventually he will choose you and your kids, but if he doesn't, then leaving him REALLY WILL have been the best choice, and then it may be time to consider divorce proceedings. Good luck.
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ok, so when i was sexually active i use to wax my vagina, like on the mound, where the hair is obviously.. i don't anymore because, firstly, im not sexually active and secondly, i heard its bad to clean up (remove hair there) down there because its like the hair in your nose, it keeps the bad stuff out.. is that true? but anyways, right now, i got a small black spot, i don't know how to describe it, i don't know if its an ingrown hair either, mind you, the last time i waxed was like 4 months ago. well, this blackish grey spot, has a darker black spot in the middle of it. i don't know what it is.. its like a bump, i can feel it. and there is another one at the root of one of the hairs. its quite strange and scary! please help me quick, im kind of scared!
thank you. (link)
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I've had these before when I shave. Its most likely an ingrown hair, and maybe something also got into the root after waxing, like dirt or something, like a pimple. Keep it clean and observe it for a couple of weeks. If it gets bigger, red or swelling then see a doctor, but most likely it will start to fade and go down. I'm no doctor, but this doesn't sound like something to get too worked up about just yet. Like I said, don't panic, just keep an eye on it, give it about 2 weeks.
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okay so my hair is like normal i think and its kinda wavy but like more in some spots than others and i want it to be realllllllly wavy so i was thinking of getting a body wavy but i was like oh maybe ill just get some kinda shampoo that makes it wavier soo i think im going to go with the herbal essences curl shampoo but i was wondering if there was like something else that willl do it, tha (link)
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You probably need a conditioner more so than a special shampoo. Aquage has some awesome products. They're a little pricey (curl activator conditioner is about $13 for a small tube) but they last quite a while b/c you only have to use a little at a time. If you can't bring yourself to spend that much money on a high quality conditioner, try a Pantene ProV curl activator or frizz buster conditioner, then follow up with a gel or hair serum from "Frizz Ease". I use their products and can't live without them. Hope that helps.
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I don't know what's wrong with me. I didn't used to be like this, but my mind is really changing. I always assume the very worst of every situation now. I get stressed over everything, I'm afraid to go anywhere because I'm scared of bad things happening, and if I get the mildest headache I start to think that I'm going to die. My stomach hurts all the time and I just want to sleep. It's been really bad like this for about seven months now. I've always been a worrier but it's never been this bad. I don't feel safe anywhere except in my home. And I'm about to move! I can't imagine how horrible it will be once I move. I let my mind take over and my thoughts get carried away and I think all kinds of negative things. Not to mention, I can be really shy and paranoid and awkward. I never used to be. I don't know why it just all of a sudden started. How can I get over this? Anything at all? (link)
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It sounds like you have an anxiety disorder/and or depression. You say its been bad like this for about 7 months and you're moving soon... let me guess, about 7 months ago you experienced a big change in your life and found out you'd have to move. Is that at least close? Sudden, big changes in our lives can often unearth severe feelings of depression and panic. Is not normal but it is more common than you think. You are not crazy, but you are going to need help to deal with this. Start by telling your Dr. Make an appointment or ask your parents (I don't know how old you are) to make one for you. Tell the Dr. exactly what you said here, don't leave anything else. Hopefully, he/she will refer you to a counselor or therapist. If not, seek one out on your own. You'd be AMAZED at how much simple therapy can change your life. Nothing creepy, just someone to talk to on a regular basis, to help you figure out where all this is coming from and how to deal with it. You don't have to live with this forever, you can overcome it, but you're going to have to take some action. Good luck!
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Does anyone know of any good online dating sites that are literally 100 percent free, like you can send messages and read messages for free and you don't have to use a credit card? I mean seriously, free! A free dating site where you don't even have to spend one penny. What are the online dating sites that have a good reputation and have a lot of users on it, and they are totally free, period?
My mom wants to find someone and I KNOW she would go for online dating websites if she didn't have to dish out a lot of money just to begin to "talk" to someone. I want my mom to be happy and find her a good partner so I thought online dating might be a good idea for my single mom.
Help me help her? (link)
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Sometimes you really do get what you pay for, so what would you get with a FREE dating site? Pay-sites may seem inconvenient, but you are paying someone to screen out the crazies and match their applicants based on common aspects and personalities. Dating sites such as Eharmony or Match.com are NOT social networks. If all your Mom wants to do it "talk" to someone, get her on Facebook and have her join a couple of networking groups or find her a chat site. Those things are free. If she's interested in DATING and you feel she needs a little help with that, its probably worth the money to invest in a membership. If she is too cheap or can't afford it, maybe you would consider it as a gift for her. I would strongly advise against "free dating" site. Loonies and pervs most likely won't pay to meet people, so they flock to those places, and the Internet allows those freaks to mask themselves. You may be putting your Mom in a dangerous situation by encouraging her to visit those places. Consider the pay-sites or Facebook. Everyone deserves love in their life. I hope your Mom finds some of her own!
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how do you be confident but not cocky?
in other words humble. (link)
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Cocky people are usually insecure people. They need everyone to know their accomplishments in order to feel better about themselves. CONFIDENT people are secure in who they are. They aren't concerned about what other people think of them. They like themselves and know their accomplishments and positive aspects stand on their own. If people notice, great, if not, it doesn't change who they are on a day to day basis.
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I will be going college this fall and I'm really nervous about it. Obviously I am going to be a college freshman. I've heard so many things about college though that makes me really uneasy. I want to go into college prepared, of course.
So, what can I expect at college? I guess it must be a lot different than high school but in what ways? Do I need to do or bring anything special to college?
Any info please!!!! (link)
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College is a huge change from high school. In a way, there is no real preparation for being on your own for the first time (I'm assuming your moving there). You can expect a heavier work load, but your teachers won't badger you about your work. Its up to you whether you do it or not. Most professors don't offer second chances, so if an assignment is late or homework not turned in, you'll just have to deal with consequences. You'll have to decide for yourself how and when to get your work finished. This might take a little while to figure out. If you were the type in high school who didn't have to study very hard to get good grades, you may find you'll need to put in more effort in college to get the same results.
Be prepared for LOTS of distractions. College life is full of new friends and experiences. Don't get too sidetracked, but don't forget to enjoy yourself either. College is a unique experience. Its one of the only times in your life where you'll be completely surrounded by your peers, and it goes by quickly, so be sure to give yourself time to have fun as well. I believe you will find that you really enjoy college life. Try not to be too nervous. Enjoy this last "high school" summer. Hang out with friends, family, if you can find work, do so because you'll want spending money once you get there. But have fun. Trust me, you'll be fine. If you can learn to be responsible with your studies but also enjoy all the experiences college has to offer, I think you'll find it to be one of the best times of your life. Good luck!
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alright. me and my boy dated about two years..so so so amazing the first 6 months... then got a lil bumpy, then went down hill slowly ater a year kinda, then crashed close to two years. we fought a lot, i had a ton of anger because i would hear things about him, i didnt know to believe it or not, all i know is when we were together we were always fine thats why it was hard to let go. but we fought a ton.. and one day, it was over the limit and i just broke up with him told him i fuckin hate him never wanna talk to him again because he ditched me basicallyy...
that night he made out with another girl. the night we broke up over a text i was furious did nottt talk to him once period for over two months
i ran into him a few weeks ago.. he saw me, and ever since then hes been wanting me back bad.. he is always talking to me, hsa basically cut of all contact with girls.. he invites me everywhere, even though i dont go, ive been such a bitch and hes still staying around... i know how that the things i used to hear had to not have been true cause he came clean on everything.. thing is, he had sex with two people, one of the girls he double teamed with his guy friend... its bugging me. it replays in my head..
anyways i went over to his house the other dya, ended up stying longer than i expected, we talked about a lot.. i was not nice, he kept trying to kiss me hug me all that i was like no.. but he bought me food, bought us a movie, and i left halfway through it, he offered to give me massages offered to take me to get ice cream. even though i didnt show it at all i felt so bad caue i was being so mean to him cause of everything he did.
thing is, idk what to do. if he even deserves another chance, if i even wanna be with him again.. idk anything. im lost, hes already acting like towards me like were together again, i think its cause hes trying haard and thats the only thing he can think to show hes interested. i just dont know what to do.. any advice would be sooo awesome. thank you (link)
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Women have amazing instincts. Listen to yours. They're obviously telling you that this guy is bad news and to back away. Those feelings of "ickiness" you have aren't because you're a b--ch or a snob, they are because your heart and your head are telling you this guy is selfish and isn't really interested in you as a person, but just in what you can "do" for him and his self-esteem. Run, don't walk, in the other direction and do NOT let him manipulate you into feeling guilty. Trust your gut, it sounds like you have a good one!
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Well I will give everyone the short story cause this is a very complicated situation. My wife and I got married at 19, joined the military, had a child at 22 and having been living a very happy and healthy marriage for 7 years. We own a home, are finacially comfortably, have all the materialistic things that one would want in life. And we also have a 3 year old daughter, and planning on more children. Also are families are very close, and our mother's became best friends. Basically we have achieved the "American Dream." Recently my wife has started to feel like she missed out on something. We reached the ultimate goal in life, but she feels that she maybe got there to fast. Grew up to quickly in a sense. Well I am a good husband and have always treated her like a queen. We never argued and had a very good sex life. I always strived to give her everything she wanted. Well My wife recently moved out of the house to have some time to herself to think about what she wants. To leave me and go experience some of the things she feels she missed out on, or stay married to me and try and get through this crisis together. I love my wife unconditionally, and hate the thought of losing her. She knows that I am willing to do anything to make our marriage work, but she is so lost and confused about what she truly wants. I cannot lose her but feel she is slipping farther and farther away from me. She tells me she still loves me, but she isn't sure if she wants to be with me. I know that's not a good sign, but I will continue to fight until she tells me it is over. If she leaves me to go out and date or other things of that nature whe will lose me. Even thought I am almost positive at some point she will realize what she is missing is that great and will come crawling back to me because of how perfect we are together and how amazingly I treat her. But I won't be able to wait for her to realize that. If she seperates from me, then I will have to also move on. I am trying to prevent this from ever happenning. If anyone has gone through this or has some advice on what I should do, please help. I am desperate here and I just want my wife back. (link)
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19 is very young to marry, and now your wife is wondering if she's missed out on something by committing to a certain life so young. I don't think this is at all unnatural, however, that doesn't ease the pain for either of you at this time. You two need counseling. Go see a professional or a pastor and marriage team through your church/house of worship. Don't demand she go. I'm not a fan of either party in a strained marriage moving out (I don't think you can work on being a couple while apart), but tell her thoughtfully that this is important to you and you're willing to give her the space she needs if she's willing to attend a weekly counseling session with you. This marriage can be saved. I believe she (and you) will regret it down the road if she at least doesn't try this. This may seem like an impossible situation right now, but couples have survived worse. Your wife needs help to deal with what she may feel is the loss of her youth, and also to see what she's gained as a wife and mother. I hope she will agree to go to counseling, if for no other reason than you've been a good husband to you and she at least owes you that much, but if she doesn't, go by yourself. You'll need help to deal with this situation and all the emotions it brings up. Please don't try to deal with this all on your own. There's no shame in asking for help, as a matter of fact, its a sin not to, for your sake, and the sake of your daughter.
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I have three children; Two boys and a girl. My oldest is 5 1/2 while my youngest just turned 1. I have a great marriage. We have been married almost 12 years. We have a little home in a nice suburb. My kids get along really well. I have a pretty happy life.
Before my husband and I got married we both discussed having 3 children. He is the eldest of 4. I am an only child. We both wanted a big family. At this point we should be just enjoing what we have made of our lives. Now that my daughter has just turned 1 my husband has made numerous comments about wanting another baby. Just a few weeks ago my 5 year old crawled into my lap and asked when we were going to bring home another baby. He loves his baby sister so much he wants another one. I asked what if he had another baby brother. He responded that would be okay too. So now that the bug has been put in my ear about it, I can't decide what to do.
My problem is my pregnancies gradually got worse with each one. I had joint problems that in my 3rd pregnancy required me walking intermittently on crutches toward the end. I am not the kind who particularly enjoys being pregnant. They were fairly uncomfortable and I was so happy when my 3rd was born because I "Never have to go through this again". I don't really want to go through child birth again. I don't want to deal with the recovery process again, all the blood work, the epidural, the doctor visits. We are incredibly responsible parents so if we did decide to have another I would "suffer" through all of this because it isn't about ME, it's about the health of the baby. I guess I want another baby... but I don't want to HAVE another baby.
The other issue we have is we have several friends who have children with "issues". Two have autism, one has something "like" cerebral palsy but has not actually been diagnosed with this, etc. We have been quite fortunate that I never had a known miscarriage and our kids are all healthy. Would we be tempting fate? My husband's sister has 5 kids who are all healthy but that doesn't mean we would!
Is there anyone out there who has several children and had this dilema of whether or not to have another? What did you decide to do and whatever that decision was, do you regret it or happy about it? I am a religious person so I have prayed about it. This was recent so I am still waiting for my answer. I thought while I was waiting I would get input from other women (or men too) who have been in this situation.
One last thing to add, I am going to be 31 this summer and while I still feel quite young in almost all aspects of life, I am starting to feel a bit old to be having babies. I realize I haven't hit that "danger zone" of 35. I just don't know if I am wanting another baby because I actually WANT 4 kids, or if I want another baby because I am hormonal about my last baby being 1, almost walking, turning into a real little kid and no longer a "baby".
(link)
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You need to discuss all this honestly and openly with your husband. This is a decision the two of you have to make together. Make sure he's clear about the physical hardships that concern you regarding pregnancy. If you choose to go ahead with another baby, he'll probably need to pick up more of the slack at home, and he needs to be on board with this ahead of time. If you are healthy and able and totally willing to carry another child, I say go for it. You are still young and there's nothing wrong with wanting another baby b/c your littlest one is growing up too fast. Lots of women do that, and trust me, when you can't stand another baby, you'll know it. My good friend was like this. As each baby began to age she missed the "baby stage" so much she would have another. Finally, by her 5th one she'd had enough. She said no more, and she was satisfied with the family she had.
As far as concerns about diseases and defects, that is not for you to worry about. You say you are religious and have prayed about this. If that's true, then you know God is the Lord over everything, and He will never give you anything you can't handle. You can't decide NOT to have a baby just because you're afraid of what MIGHT happen. You could be denying yourselves a real blessing by letting that fear rule you.
In closing, it sounds to me like you've already decided you want at least one more. Talk with your husband, make sure you're both on the same page as far as how it will be during your pregnancy, what you expect from him, etc. Families are a blessing and you certainly sound like you've been blessed tremendously already. If you want to expand, than you should. I don't know if you are a "bible-believer", but if you are, then you will remember God's ultimate commandment from Genesis to "go forth and multiply".
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I am writing a short story and it's going to be about the end of the world, basically. In the story, the main character is going to reveal items he has stashed in his backpack he's been carrying around for this journey, but I'm sort-of clueless on things he should bring along with him.
So, the world has practically ended. It is now a time that people must fend for themselves. There are no running stores or even gas stations. People have sorted through left-behind homes and are surviving day-to-day, but it's still a fairly new concept so people are still trying to grasp onto the society they did have. Sometimes that means people carry around items that have no "value" to them other than sentimental.
The main character has gone through houses for supples and has now traveled quite a distance. He is opening his backpack and laying out all he "owns" onto a table, sorting through things he can trade off for canned foods and things he can currently use.
What would you pack in your backpack if the world was ending? What would be your survival necessities?
Please, feel free to elaborate why you choose the items you choose. Feel free to list as many things as you want to, as long as it all fits into the backpack comfortably. Remember, the main character travels long distances by foot so objects with substantial weight aren't a great idea.
Thanks for any ideas! (link)
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Hmm.. this is a great idea. I'm having fun with this one. Well, definitely a pocket knife and a first aid kit including any drugs I could snag from somewhere. Bottle for water, extra socks b/c walking in wet socks is horrible for your feet, could cause fungus infection... Presumably, since structures are still standing, you could just stop into any old store or pharmacy along your journey to pick up things like ointments and bandages, things left behind. I'd take a picture of someone I loved in place that was happy for me, like me and my kids at the beach or standing in front of a Christmas tree. I'd want a reminder of what the world was like pre-disaster. A compass, for sure and maybe some kind of walkie-talkie or shortwave radio to hopefully find other people or colonies or whatever. And my favorite book, because reading has always been a way to escape my surroundings.
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16/f
I'm very into translating my dreams. I read online that if you take vitamin B-6 about a half hour before you go to bed, you will have very vivid/lucid dreams. My question is, are lucid dreams satanic? Someone told me that they were. I'm a Christian, so I don't really want to experience any devil- type things, lol. Thank you! (link)
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Vitamin B-6 is natural, although I'm not sure what it does for your dreaming. If you really are interested in dreams and translating, begin praying for that particular gift. Keep a journal and pen by your bed. When you wake up from a particularly vivid dream, write it down immediately. Then, you're more awake the next day, read it over and see if anything inspires interpretation, or, take it to someone in your church you know has the gift of interpretation. Although vitamin B is natural, you shouldn't need to "take" anything to experience the gifts of God. His gifts are free, His wonders abound. He needs no help!
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I am a 41 year old female. I work a 12 hour shift from 7a-7p. I am pretty good friends with the girl who relieves me @ night. She has a 4 month old baby who is precious. Her mother has been keeping him for her but is going to be out of town for a while (month or two). Her husband drives a truck and leaves all hours of the night. Now she is asking me to either keep the baby every night on the days we work or to swap shifts with her and work nights until her mother gets back (not sure when or even IF). I love her and the baby but I have my own 2 kids and a husband that also works day shift. If the baby won't sleep we will both be sleep deprived! I am usually exhausted when I get home and don't know if I can handle a baby. If I do swap shifts with her, my kids (who are 13 and 16) will be there while I try to sleep during the day. They can take care of themselves, but NOT stay quiet all day! What if her mother decides not to come back and I get stuck on night shift?! How can I get out of this, or is it selfish of me to refuse? I love her and don't want her mad. She is putting it like she'll have to quit if I can't do this. I don't want to be the blame if she loses her job. Please help!! (link)
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Although you are friends, you don't owe this woman anything. Any help you could give her would be a GIFT, not something you do because she used guilt to manipulate you. You're a mom with your own responsibilities too. Simply tell her you are not in a position to babysit and you can't switch shifts. That's it. You don't owe her any lengthy explanation. If she has a problem with this then that's just what it is... her problem. She may have to quit. That would be too bad, but sometimes life isn't always fair. Its not up to you to make sure its fair for other people. If she presses you about why you can't help her just tell her you've thought a lot about it but you just can't. You just can't. End of story. If she gets mad, she'll get over it. If she doesn't, she wasn't a very good friend in the first place.
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okay. i have been playing hockey for 7 years now, and im having a huge problem. i dont always play good and i dont know why. i dont like getting hurt, i can usually tell myself 'it doesnt matter just go out and play' , so then i go out and play aggressive, but i dont skate hard. my mom drives me crazy on hockey, i tell her but she wont listen, she wants me to quit hockey, but i dont want, i need to change on the ice and off the ice. how do i do this, or prepare for this? thanks in advance. if you need more details feel free to ask. (link)
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This sounds more like a self-esteem issue than a hockey issue. I'm sure your Mom wants you to quit because she hates to see you so upset and she thinks hockey is the real issue. Why is hockey so important to you? Do you love it or does it play some other role in your life? Is your mother willing to assist you in getting help? If so, see if she'll help you find a good sports psychologist. These are professionals who specialize in all the mental and psychological aspects of sports. Someone may be able to help you with this problem. Good Luck!
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i am 19 and pregnant but i am in college only in my first year. i am with the person i love but he does not go to college. i want to have the baby but me and him have no money and no way to provide for the baby? what should i do? (link)
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Adoption is a difficult but brave decision in a situation like this, and these days there are many programs that can give you all kinds of options, like a closed adoption, where you just have no contact at all once the baby is born, or an open adoption, where you have contact and occasional visits with the baby/adoptive parents. You can pick the family your baby goes to or leave it to the agency. With so many options you can pick a program that suits your needs. My mother gave my older brother up for adoption at 17 years old, and he recently found her and told her she did the best thing for him. And if she had kept him, I never would have been born! Even though it was difficult for her, it was a HUGE blessing in disguise for everyone. HOWEVER, don't underestimate yourselves. You may feel now that you can't provide, but once you see that little "bundle of joy", your whole mindset will change. Your priorities may change and you'll do anything and everything to provide for this life. And there is help out there through welfare and private foundations. And don't think that just because you can't afford designer clothes or brand-new toys that you are not providing. The greatest gift a woman can give her child is two loving parents who are committed to each other and their family. All the rest is gravy.
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i have been with this boy for two years now. and when we first got together everything was perfect, never argued, had fun, and enjoyed are time together. but now two years down the line we; bicker, sit around, && our fun is watching movies.
its hard to explain but its getting kinda old doing nothing. even the sex isnt like it used to be. i still love him with everything i have and its hard to just throw 2 years of your life away. but am i getting bored of being with him? is this normal? is there anything i can do to prevent leaving him?
thanks,
18-female (link)
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Well, this might sound simple (or complicated, depending on the type of people you two are) but try talking to him about this. Say exactly what you wrote here. You never know, he may be feeling the same way and want to change it, but he just doesn't know how to bring it up. Or you may discover that all the bickering and boredom is a result of the 2 of you growing up and moving in different directions (which is also totally natural). Regardless, nothing will get better if you don't air this out with him immediately. Sometimes its awkward to be so honest, but the results are usually for the best, no matter what they are.
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I am a 20 year old History undergraduate and I feel like my life is falling apart. The past two months have been very difficult from being filled with my stupidity. I found out I was pregnant mid-March and had an abortion two weeks ago and the guilt is eating me up. I keep reliving the experience in my dreams, or, worse, I dream that I am still pregnant and wake up hopelessly disappointed (I am regretting this decision so much). I was supposed to take a pregnancy test on Friday to confirm that I am no longer pregnant and I can't bring myself to do it because I'm scared of seeing the negative result. My boyfriend resents me heavily for the choice and so refuses to talk about it with me, but I completely understand I can't say I would react any differently now. My parents were so strongly for the abortion that I don't want to tell them how I'm feeling now that it's been done.
I initially felt I made the right choice: I'm too young; I have no family who could help me because my only relatives (my parents) moved (as already planned) to Saudi Arabia a week after my abortion; I have no money; and my boyfriend is leaving to study in California at the end of this semester. Now, though, I feel it was a selfish thing to do. I took another life for my convince, really, when I could have just given the baby up if I couldn't actually care for it. I know people who had children younger than I am now and who coped marvelously. I murdered and it is haunting me.
Not only this, but around the time I discovered I was pregnant, I had a flare up of Ulcerative Colitis (I was diagnosed age 16 and had been previously without symptoms for 2 years). The illness greatly affects my general feeling of well-being and I am too embarrassed to tell my friends so they just don't understand. I feel entirely alone and isolated with this entire thing, especially now that I have two "secrets" to hide from my friends (I am so embarrassed for having the abortion). I'm in a total rut that I can't seem to drag myself out of. I have a history of self-harm and I refuse to resort to that but it's getting so much harder to resist. I feel like I have no one to talk to who can understand that what I did was horrible and not hate me for it.
I have exams starting tomorrow that, as a result of the events of the past few weeks, I am ill prepared for and I just don't know how to cope with any of this. I want to stay in bed forever and never get up. I wish it never happened. Please, please help me... (link)
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Here are a couple of websites that offer support and referrals for your situation, which is a lot more common than people would have you believe. You are not alone.
www.silentnomoreawareness.org
www.wcmr.org
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18/f.
I really need help. Throughout my life I've always noticed that i'm very clingy and needy and I always need reassurances that people like me. It pushes people away and i'm totally aware of that but I feel like there's no way I can stop myself from doing whatever it is that I do. I always push people away in relationships because I have such high expectations for what they should do and how they should treat me, and it's really causing me problems. It leads to arguments and all-around them realizing it's not worth it.
I really want help in figuring out what it is I have to do to stop being like this. I don't want to push the guy I have no away, because I really do love him, but it's like.. I don't know what to do. He's so good to me, but the second he mentions that he's going somewhere or he's busy or whatever, I absolutely freak out inside. Its like I take it so personally that he cant talk, and it's terrible. I get these ideas that if he really loved me like he says, he would just wanna talk to me nonstop. Please give me some advice on how to put up with this kind of situation, how to not push him away. (link)
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Problems like this usually stem from someone important leaving early on in your life (either from death or intentionally). Has this happened to you? Your clingy-ness is probably an attempt to control your environment and prevent a similar situation. You may seek constant reassurance in order to be sure the future will indeed be the stable and secure place you need it to be. You don't take to change well. Its encouraging that you recognize this as a problem at such a young age. Your are very self-aware, and that is a good thing. I think the best thing for this is to seek counseling, either professionally or through a church/spiritual leader whom you trust. You are NOT crazy. Sometimes having an objective party to explore the root causes of your feelings with you can be enough to free you. Until you can find help, you'll have to work on your own to relax a little bit when people don't live up to your expectations. The next time you call your boyfriend and he can't talk, AS HARD AS IT MAY BE, say "Ok, will you just call me when you get some time?" and then leave it at that. Then back off and wait, read a book, do something you like to take your mind off all the horrible, self-deprecating thoughts that usually flood your mind. When he calls back, great! Next time it happens, do the same thing, reminding yourself that he did indeed keep his word the last time, he can do it again. Like anything else, if you want to be good at this, you have to practice, so look at it as a process. And do get help. Releasing yourself from this awful prison of stress at such an early age can leave you free to pursue a wonderful, happy, healthy future.
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This is kind of a weird question. Wasn't sure where to categorize it.
I'm 24/f. I've met this guy and I've known him for a little over two years. I really enjoy his company, and I really like him. I know he likes me too, that isn't really the problem. The problem is, I live like 4 states away, so we usually see each other every 2 months. Well, the last time I saw him was in March '09. He has a really good job, and so it's hard for him to take time off work. The thing is.. like I want this to go further. He asked me if I'd move down to where he lives, and I said yes. I really want this to happen, but I don't know how to approach him about it. I want to be his girlfriend, but I also don't know how to bring it up. I feel like I'm sitting here potentially waiting for something to happen, that realistically won't ever.. I want to bring it up in conversation, but I'm not sure how.
I really don't know what to do! Any advice would be greatly appreciated! :) (link)
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Has he asked you to live WITH him or just move to the town he lives in? It sounds to me like he's asked you to move closer to him, which is surely a sign he's at least interested in pursuing in a relationship with you. However, "I want to be his girlfriend but I also don't know how to bring it up" suggests there is nothing defined about your relationship yet, and moving to a new state is a BIG deal. Before you commit to moving to a completely new state, ask yourself, "Could I be happy in this place even if the relationship didn't work out? Is this somewhere I would consider moving if this guy weren't there? Is this a place I can make friends, find a job I like and find a place to fit in, independent of this guy?" If the answer to any of those questions is no, stay put and continue the long distance thing until you are more sure about your relationship. I get that you really like him, and that's exciting, but you need to get a little more clarity on this relationship and its potential before you uproot your whole life to move closer to him. Use the time apart to do your research and evaluate yourself, your goals and what you really want for your future, and try to enjoy the whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" thing!
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