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Should I divorce him? Kids involved.
I have been married for 7 years. It has not been the easiest of roads. However, usually things seem to work out, but only to go down the same rocky roads over and over again. My husband has been my best friend, a good provider, and a good daddy. However, he goes on drinking binges. When he does, his brother is usually over here. His brother is a very nasty man that my husband happens to adore. His brother gets really friendly with me, and I usually take the kids and leave. Or my husband gets a nasty attitude with me and I have to take the kids and stay with a friend or at a hotel. This happens about every other month. I have begged him to get counseling and he promises never to drink again, only for his brother to come over and there's a drama that hurts me and my kids. I feel like I can't do this anymore, it get's worse and worse. My husband gets really irritable for about three days, gets drunk, treats me horribly, I threaten to leave, "he sees the light", everything goes good, and two months later it's like this again. He was married before and all of his children have been in prison. I'm afraid mine will go down the same road, yet I'm a child of divorce and it hurts so bad not to have both parents. I'm in such a catch 22.
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Wow, this is a tough one. It sounds like you really do love your husband and your family. Its encouraging that you seem to have such a drive to keep your family together. This may sound counter-intuitive to you, but if you want to save your marriage, leave. Find a place, pick up the kids and leave as soon as you can. The only way he'll realize how serious you really are about him getting help is if you carry through with your threat. Think about when you discipline your children. You may threaten to take away their favorite toy if they don't behave, but unless you actually take the toy, they'll just keep on misbehaving. Your husband is the same way (except he's not a child and the consequences for his "misbehaving" are much more serious). He does just enough to avoid trouble and then reverts back to his old ways once he can relax again. You are right about his needing to get help. But, unfortunately, the only way he's going to get it is to finally come to the end of his rope. Once you pull the rug out from under him he'll have to make a choice b/w finally getting help and getting his family back or being alone (or at least alone with his nasty brother) for the rest of his life. My intuition is that eventually he will choose you and your kids, but if he doesn't, then leaving him REALLY WILL have been the best choice, and then it may be time to consider divorce proceedings. Good luck.
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Hey
okay first off i want to say how incrediably strong i think you are,youve had to put up with alot.
okay in my opinion you have the following options.
1- you can try ONE more time to work things out with your husband sit him down when he his sober and have a serious talk,tell him your fears,worries and how upset and stressed this all makes you. how its completely unfair to you and the kids explain that you are seriously thinking of getting a divorce if you cant work this problem out but you really dont want to what he needs is a shock to the system a wake up call he needs to see what he potentionlly could loose. offer to go to counselling with him let him know you are there for him but this is the last chance because you cant keep doing it over and over like ground hog day eventually it will take its toll.
he needs to get himself back on the straight and narrow for good,tell him that,get him involved with a counsellor and go with him to make sure he goes or some sort of AA meetings.
this is a long tough process but ive seen it work and I know it can be done,one of my mums friends was a hard up alcholic i remember when he used to stay over at our house it was awful id have to give up my room for him and i remember he used to go off really early in the morning drinking and come back later at night my mum eventually said enough is enough and that she wanted nothing to do with him unless he could get sober and he did,its been this way for 6years. explain to your husband the effect this is having on you and the kids,ask him does he really want his children growing having such horrible memories of him even hating him? or worse off without him.
hopefully he will see sense and sober up for good.
Option 2. you could save yourself all the grief and hassle straight away and just leave him now,i know you said you dont want your children to not have both parents but which is better?no father figure or a one whos abusive and drunk.
as of your children going down the same raod,your a responsable and caring mother and im sure you wont let that happen and if they have any respect for themselves or you they wont want to take that path theyv seen first hand the effects.
The choice is yours to make Ive given both options sadly I cant choose for you, im not even sure what I would really do in this situation its a tough one,just weigh both options equally and do what feels right and what your heart tells you to do make sure you have the full support of your family and friends too.
sorry this is so long! I hope I helped in the slightest,i wish you the best of luck in this
much <3
Jess
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