Gender:
FemaleLocation:
CanadaOccupation:
Family, Youth and Mental Health CounsellorAge:
31Member Since:
July 13, 2006Answers:
410Last Update:
October 16, 2007Visitors:
33074Main Categories:
Families
General Sex Questions
Mental health
View All
about
Hello All, I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.
I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)
I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.
advice
I don't know what to do and I really need advice.
My twin sister hates me. At least, I think she does. She acts like she does.
I moved out nearly a year ago into a flat with my boyfriend and since then, my relationship with everyone has improved....except with my sister. I've tried everything. I've got her round for an evening to watch movies, I even cooked a meal for her the day before yesterday. I invite her places and generally try to reach out and be sisterly.....but all she does is bitch at me.
For example, when I was there on Sunday, any time I said anything about the house (including innocently asking why there was a heap of bedclothes in the middle of my parent's bed), I got told that it was none of my business, because I don't live there any more. Then, when I try speaking to her about anything neutral, such as how work is with her and so on, she clams up. She won't talk to me and on the occasions she does, she does nothing but snap and be rude, ill mannered and.....I just don't know if I can cope with it.
It's getting to the stage where it is just easier to shut her out all together because I can't handle the way she rejects me all the time. Everyone has seen it, so I know it isn't me being paranoid.
I need some advice on how to handle it. I've tried fighting back, I've tried not saying anything..all I can do is get angry and cry.
Please help. Any advice will be gratefull received.
It sounds ti me that your sister may be jealous and have feelings of being left out as you are both twins and you are becoming an adult and moving on through life she probably views herself as stuck in a rut.
Here is my suggestion to you; write her a note or a card and tell her all the things that you are feeling and that you are trying to have an adult relationship with her but at this point you have run out of options. There is only so many times that she can push you away, tell her that the ball is now in her court and when she wants to be sisters again you will be waiting with open arms but until then any contact is up to her to initiate.
Doing this may open her eyes to the error of her ways and if not you have done all you can. Continue attending family occasions and outings when she will be there but simply be polite but distant until she makes that all important first move. You have done nothing wrong and its time to stop putting up with her crap!
Hope this helps.
Today i got my senior picture proofs back and i emailed the ones i liked to my grandma. She looked at them and told my mom that i should of worn nicer shirts that showed more clevage and that i should of worn more make-up.
My cousn is the same age as me and shes getting senior pictures but her are going to be Glamour shots.
My grandma told me that i should of gotten glamour shots because they do the make-up for you.
I dont wear alot of make-up because i believe people dont need to wear it. Im nothing like my cousin shes really slutty and wears enough makeup for 10 people.
How do i tell my grandma that im not my cousin.
it hurts how she doesnt like any of my pictures.
thank you
I would explain to your granmother that the pictures you took reflect that you are graduation high school and it is more about being proud of your accomplishment then skating through school and life on your looks like your cousin does. Tell her that while you cousin likes make up you want to take care of your skin so that you will be attractive more and more as you grow older as opposed to less and less. Be upfront and tell her how her comments hurt you and that you were taught by your mom that if you have nothing nice to say you say nothing at all. Comparing the 2 of you is like saying that you hate apples because they are not banannas. Makes no sense as you are an individual.
What would you wear to a bridal shower? I don't want to be too dressy or too casual.. unless you're supposed to be dressed casual. Help please? :)
Depending on where it is and on the culture of the bride, I would wear dress pants or if its soon a long summer skirt with a nice shirt/blouse which is casual yet dressy enough to pass any type of inspection!
Hope this helps.
I am a 20 year old female college student. I have been dating this guy for almost three years. His parents adore me, his brother likes me and im practically best friends with his sister. Usually, it's the mother or father that don't like the girlfriend, but in my case, it's his grandma! She'll say rude and mean things like "your nose is big too" or "well, as long as he likes your body, thats all that matters" (after telling my boyfriend's sister how skinny she is.) I respect her and have never had a problem with her until now. We are in a serious and committed relationship, but im afraid his grandma will say something to him or ruin our future. What should I do?
Welcome to the wonderful world of in-laws!! First off if his parents and siblings like you there is no worry at all of his grandmothers dislike of you to affect your relationship. Running and telling your boyfriend will only force him to choose in the long run between the 2 of you and trust me you can't win. Deal with it by being polite yet firm with his grandmother. When she tells you that your nose is to big ask her if it makes her feel better to insult you. When she makes a comment about your body thank her for noticing your figure as you work hard to be fit. Also I would tell her that you are more then a sum of your parts and what attracts her grandson most is your mind and intelligent conversation.
Eventually she should get the message, if not then ignore her as best as you can she is obviously bitter and needs to be shown how a true lady behaves in the face of adversity!!
I'm in High school and I should be in collage soon. I have good grades and me parents think I should go to collage but I want to get married and have kids after highschool. I don't see the point in spending all that money if I am not going to work. Should I go anyway to please my parents?
Ok here is the thing, by going to college whether or not you use your degree you will have it. In this day and age most families need both incomes to survive and when your children are all in school full time you may want to work. Also it will be a good teaching skill for when your children are older and want to skip college you would be a pretty handy excuse.
Getting a higher education is never a waste it boosts self esteem and feelings of self worth. You will be getting a free education with your parents paying for it and broaden your horizon and experience. Also in 5-10 years when you are at dinner parties or functions with your husband will you want to be the only person there who did not attend college? It will also give you the self confidence that is always needed in social situations.
Hope this helps.
so i bought No Doz the other day. and i heard that it worked pretty good. but i want to know if anyone has ever used it and if so how did it work?
and would no doz be unhealthy??
thanks in advance
No Doz is a caffiene pill and very unhealthy especially if taken on a regular basis. It can cause mood swings and other infirmities including heart problems.
I would recommend natural ways to stay awake like peppermint, lemon spice, and ginsing. This is much healthier and more likely to give you an energy boost without damaging your body or mind.
Hope this helps.
I'm about 5 or 6 days late for my period. Im still a virgin so I know I'm not pregnant..so whats wrong with me?
What if I dont get it at all this month? Should I be consulting a doctor?
Ok many things affect your cycle. Stress plays a big role, for example when my sister got married she skipped 2 months due to the stress of the wedding. Also you don't say how old you are but many women experience irregular periods throughout their lives. If you continue to be irregular there are solutions the best one is going on the pill this also lessens cramps. Weight also affects your cycle so if you are under weight or exercise like a demon this will also cause you to miss periods.
I really would not worry about this its a pain that you don't know when to expect it but you will get it again!!
i was just wondering. why do wifes give in or obay thier husbands. i know some girls say they don't but iv'e noticed that they do.
i've just noticed that my mom and sister normally give in to their husbands wants or wishes like when my stepdad wants somthing he gets it but when i want somthing i dont or she'll make food for him but not for me or somtimes she excuses his bad behavoirs and dosnt excuse mine. ive also noticed both my mom and sister give in to thier fights and let thier husbands win just so there wont be a big fight even though they know there right and i just wanna know why. what makes them do that? how come they say they wont but then do? could someone please help
thanks
Ok as an adult married woman I will give you the real story. I by no means give in all the time with my husband BUT there are many times when I give in simply because it is easier then fighting and not worth the hassle. Men can be big babies and it is important in all relationships to pick your battles.
It sounds to me like your mom and sister may be not taking their own advice. If they are married to very domineering men then it might be out of self protection that they are doing this. I don't think though that you should generalize all relationships this way.
Women have the ability more so then men I believe to at times see the bigger picture and let the small issues go. This is not true for all women or all men but generally my experience.
Hope this helps
ive been eating a 90 calorie granola bar, and half of a 100 calorie weight watchers yogurt (half of it is 3 oz)for breakfast. im 15/f 130 pounds, on a diet. is this a nutritionally sound breakfast for someone of my age on a diet? thank you :)
No this is no where near enough for breakfast. Breakfast should be the largest meal of the day and should contain protein in order to get you through your day energy and brain power wise.
You should be eating your meals largest to smallest as this burns the most calories throughout the day. Also eat 5-6 times a day to speed up your metabolism.
If you have more questions feel free to ask.
I am an athelete and am physically exhausted most of the time after practice. I told my mom this and she says I need more protein so I should eat more meat. However, I'm not a big meat eater. Does anyone have any ideas for easy ways to get more protein into my diet? Like a supplement or something? Thanks.
Many foods other then meat contain protein. This includes; peanut butter (its an awesome source), cheese, eggs, all milk products, rice, beans, corn, and wheat cereals. Your fatigue may also be a result of lack of iron as well so make sure you have enough in your diet. It may also be a good idea for you to get a blood test to check to make sure you are not hypo glycemic or lacking in other vitamens or nutrients. Your body just may have trouble absorbing certain ones.
Hope this helps.
Should I get the original French version of "La Cage aux Folles" or the American one? I only have time to see one...I can't get both....which one is better?
The French version is the original and in my opinion much better!
Hope this helps.
Can a regular blood test determine if your pregnant?
Yes but the doctor needs to ask the lab to check for the levels of hormones in your blood, they won't automatically check for that whithout your knowledge and consent.
Before I start, I DON'T suffer from depression.
However, I'm one of these people who finds it difficult to cope with erring on a regular basis. Unfortunately, I am the sort of person who makes a lot of mistakes and they are seldom tiny ones. At any rate, they are not tiny to me.
I lost a book, borrowed from someone else, which held a note inside that was very precious to me. I cannot find it anywhere and it has been missing for a week.
I also made a huge mistake at work today which has cost the company nearly £500. It could have been avoided had I successfully engaged that grey matter.
On top of it all, I forget EVERYTHING because I have the memory of a goldfish. I have some health problems which may be the cause of my memory problems but it isn't the point.
The point is, how do I cope with the periods of self-loathing I experience after making one of these almighty stupid (and avoidble) mistakes? Yes, everyone makes them but I'm very hard on myself because I make so many that affect other people. It makes me angry and upset with myself and I don't know how to deal with that.
Any suggestions would be gratefully received.
Like you I tend to make stupid mistakes with huge ramifications, for me it has gotten much better due to a system that I developed for myself. First of all I write down EVERYTHING not on tiny scraps but on yellow legal pads that i then keep in a portfolio. I copy all my notes once a day (at work) and keep a copy at my desk which never leaves my desk and one in my briefcase. Secondly before I do anything at work I stop and think for AT LEAST 1 solid minute. I also am taking a "booster" twice a day, I mix it in with juice so there is no taste. You can buy the ingredients in a health food shop. gingsing (helps energy), Echinacea, Rose Hip and Vitamin “C” (helps boost health and immune system), and Gingko (helps boost memory, brain power, reduces stress and improves alertness).
So now that I have revealed my top secret hints ha ha ha, in order to feel better when you do screw up and believe me we all do, you need to do a couple of things; first learn to forgive yourself, use daily affirmations no matter how dumb you feel develop a mantra to say to yourself OUTLOUD. Secondly accept that you are not perfect everyone makes mistakes ask yourself this question when you make one, can you change or turn back time to undo your mistake? No so instead of being hard on yourself allow yourself a set time to be annoyed say 5 minutes and then let it go and try and rectify the problem. The stress you put yourself under is probably making you make more mistakes. Take your time and things should improve.
Sorry so long, hope this helps.
Okay, I know that just about everyone on this site (or atleast the girls) has at one point thought about what to name their kids one day, so I need your help. I need boy & girl name suggestions middle names would be helpful too. Thankyou guyss I appreciate it.
It would totally depend on your last name, on your ethnicity and don't forget your partners input as well.
I personally chose names for my child that had personal meaning. I love Irish names (I lived there for 2 years)so those are my recommendations.
Sibohan (pronouced chevon)
Caochán (cay-shawn)
Kalen
Aisling (ashleen)
Cait (Kate)
Again these are personal choices. I like the unusual names as I want my children to be individuals instead of one of many. Below is a website for you that gives not only name suggestions but there meaning as well.
Hope this helps
Ok so I JUST turned 13 and I want to wear makeup. But I was wondering how can I put on makeup so it actually looks pretty, not slutty or trashy lol? I want to wear makeup for back to school. What kind of makeup should I wear and how should I wear it? I have light brown medium length hair with highlights in it from going in the sun, I have gray-ish blue eyes, and pale skin. Please tell me good makeup ideas!
Ok everyone elses suggestions are good, but I would suggest that you not wear foundation. There is no reason to at your age and it ruins your skin over time. Wearing soft browns and peaches would suit your skin tone. Stick to soft lipsticks as well as dark colours are aimed for night time and older women. Also I would just wear some light eye make up, (shadow, liner, mascara) and lipstick. At 13 you really don't need anything more and your skin will thank you in the long run. I never wore anthing more until I was in my mid-twenties and my skin is still awesome at 31, and I still get carded from time to time when I go to the bar!!
Hope this helps.
i didnt know what category to put this in but oh well..
ok i have this friend (lets call him Joe) and hes Russian. he wasnt born in Russia but his parents were. they really scare me. whenever i try to call this is what happens...
Me-hi is joe there?
His mom-why
Me-i want to talk to him please
His mom-why
Me-**freeze and hang up**
i just dont know how i can get through and talk to him. i havent talked to him ALL summer and there are some issues i need to work out with him..but thats a whole other story. please help i really need to talk to him.
It could be a cultural/language thing. I know when I first started working anytime I spoke with people who were from russia, or any of the eastern block I thought they were rude and had no manners it was in fact just the way they spoke and was not personal at all.
Next time you call and she starts asking why, why why, simply say I would like to speak to him please and then wait. She will give him the phone when she finds that her "game" is no longer un-nerving you. Don't hang up on her again because she probably doesn't know she is being offensive. It could be this is her attempt at a joke.
Hope this helps.
ever since i was very young my mother has been abusive to me. i am the oldest of two children and the only girl, and my mother has always been jealous of my goals in life. she used to hit me severely when i was younger but the rest of my family ignored it and i have police reports but child services couldn't do anything because all i had to show were bruises and no witnesses. as i got older my mother started drinking a lot, she is probably drunk at least 4 nights in a week and she hasn't had a job for about 12 years. she just sits around all day and smokes and drinks and has her scummy friends over.
within two years though, i've been finding drugs and substances throughout the house that were clearly hers, marijuana and cocaine only. but she has the worst relationship with me because i don't go thorugh one day without being called a slut, cunt, little bitch, twat, you name it. i don't even fight back anymore because it's pointless.
this past december my mother in a rage pulled a knife out on me and put it to my throat. my entire family witnessed it and my dad ripped her off of me before she could have done anything. i called the police and because my father denied it happening they escorted me out and i began to live with my aunt up until now.
i just came back because my mother asked me to and appologised, and because she is my mom i agreed. but my younger brother is moving out with my grandparents because he cant take it herer anymore, and her name calling towards me is starting again. bowls and bags of marijuana lay around my house and it's disgusting. she smokes around all of us and my brother and i both have asthma but she dosn't care.
i've never lied about the situation or cried wolf to get pitty, the only firends who know about it are ones who have witnessed our fights.
my father won't divirce her because he says she'll take all of his money and we'll be broke. and he is scared of being alone since my brother and i are on the verge of graduating highschool.
is there anywhere i can go where they will put a stop to her durg abuse/ alcohol abuse/ child neglect, or is there any way i can have a restraint against her because i don't think it's fair my brother and i have to be thrown around to family members to live with because of her choices. it would be nice to live ina normal home for once in my life.
where can i go for help?
I think what you need to do is get proof of this so that not only the authorities but social services believe you. You need to take pictures of the drugs lying around, tape record your mom yelling and cussing you, not so she would know though. Bring this to Social Services and they will have no choice but to help you and your mom get the treatment she needs.
Your dad needs to be a man and step up to protect you kids. I think you should tell him that your safety is at risk as is your mental health. If he doesn't step up then he is just as bad as your mom and is basically giving her permission to be as bad as she is by not objecting.
If you need to vent or talk please feel free to leave a message in my mailbox.
Sara
Ok, weird question...
My son is 8 years old and his height and weight is quite normal. He is at about the 50th percentile on the charts.
His feet have not grown in 3 years. He has worn the same size 1 shoes since kindergarten!
I never thought anything about it until we were shoe shopping last night and my husband seemed worried and said we should call the doctor.
Do you think it's normal and that he has slow feet, or maybe his growth is stunted??
Thanks for the advice!
Hey there, when any child is growing they grow not necesssarily as we adults assume they will or should. Despite him being middle of the growth charts right now he may end up being on the short side depending of course on the family genes which would make it very normal that he has small feet. Also it could be that he will be due for a growth spurt usually around 8-9 boys especially shoot up and out. I would ask your doctor next time he goes for a check up but it is nothing to worry about excessively.
If he has been otherwise healthy and there were never any suspected genetic disorders I would just wait and see.
Hope this helps.
ok so i used to work for my neighbor, for about a year when this summer i was sooo busy with my friends i just stopped coming to help her and she did pay me good money, very good and i just did things in her garden and just stuff like that, but now that school is closer and im in need of extra cash i was considering to go back to her but i dont know if its too late after i stopped coming about early july and if i did call her what would i say??? thank you
also she old and her and her husband cant really do anything so they really needed me and i just left! i have been feeling bad about this for a while now and just lats night i had a dream about it that she took me back, weird huh? lol
Hey well since the lady is elderly then she would probably appreciate a note or card more then a phone call or you going over to talk. Just apologize and tell her that it was a busy summer for you and you would love to help her out should she need it. Make sure to put your phone number at the bottom in case she has misplaced it.
Hope this helps.
i have bags under my eyes and i would really like to know how to get rid of them because they make me look so tired all the time. is there anything i could do to get rid of them without having to buy anything? if not, what should I buy?
Love, Danielle
Using tea bags works well as does using cucumbers which reduce the "puffiness" part of the bags. Getting more sleep may help if you are under sleeping but it could also be due to stress so reducing any worries and stress may help as well.