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Q: Alright, when your in a relationship with someone for a long long time, lets say 2 years.. and you guys share absolutely everything, and you know she loves you, and you know you love her very much too, and out of nowhere your having too much fun with your friends, and you say you dont want to be commited anymore,and btw, you tend to have these phases alot during the summer, but then you open up your eyes and go back on it,.and you say you dont want a relationship, or you find a way to be a complete asshole to your girlfirend so she can tell you its over out of anger,and because you break your promises, my question is.. do men usually regret doing this when they go through these kind of phases? and do they usually want the girl back after the long run? i just would like to know how men think, and no i dont want to know what men think in the sense that theyre "freedom" is woman, and drinking because i know ALOT of guys that dont care about that stuff,and they are actually really clean men, but go through phases so they can do whatever they want, without the girl being jealous or giving them shit about hanging out with other girls, girls they dont like or whatever.. so my question is do they usually regret treating the girl like this and want her back? 2 years isnt a small time.. me and my boyfriend were so much more than that :/.. and he usually goes through these phases..and my other question is, if he does regret it.. should i even WANT him back ? Id really appreciate it if a smart man would answer this question.thank you very much.
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You need to find a more mature man. This guy doesn't know what he wants, nor how to communicate honestly, nor how to participate in a healthy relationship. He needs to grow up, and if he doesn't, if this indicates a pattern he's likely to repeat on an ongoing basis, he is a poor prospect for a long term relationship, unless you really enjoy drama. One question worthy of serious thought is, is what he offers in this relationship worth the drama and is what he offers so unique that I can't get that from another man without all the drama?
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Q: Well first off I am a 30 year old Pastor. I have a lovely wife and 6 children with another on the way. Last night I had a few drinks and ended up having intercourse with another man. The worst part is I enjoyed it. I know Im going to hell for doing that with him. But do you think Im gay?
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I think you're asking the wrong question. It really doesn't matter whether or not you are gay. If having sex with a man is a sin, being gay doesn't somehow make it better or excuse it. What bothers me is that you seem to be willing to throw away your salvation and, presumably, your ministry and who knows what else because of this event. You say you know you're going to Hell for having sex with that man, so you're saying that Christ's blood cannot cover this sin? That this sin is beyond redemption?
This event has revealed some things about yourself to you. It has demonstrated your susceptability to temptations that violate your faith and your conscience. Now your task is to repent and get some Godly counsel and support. This is going to require some soul-searching and working through of some issues. Find a man who is mature in faith, not given to gossip, and trustworthy to confide in and discuss where you go from here.
Again, I think you're asking the wrong question. Are you looking for a sign you can hang around your neck? Perhaps a heavy one so that you will have an excuse to wallow in a behavior that violates your faith and conscience? Perhaps one which defines for you your expectations and and approach to life? Or perhaps, from the other direction, a reassurance of, "whew! I'm not gay! I just had a weird experience. I'm okay!"
Forget the labels. You need to take responsibility for your own faith, behavior, and life. You have some things to work through and you need to get some support to help you work through them. There's a lot that needs to be explored here which is hard to address in a succinct, reader-friendly manner. You need to talk this out with someone you can trust.
I would be happy to discuss this further in a more specific and detailed fashion if you wish, giving due consideration to your faith paradigm.
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Q: So my mother has been struggling with depression ever since I could remember. I've always been pretty sympathetic about it because I have struggled with depression at one point in my life, but thankfully I have over came it. I always ask my mother why she is sad and she never has a straight answer. I can only imagine why she is unhappy. She works at a waitress at a crappy job, she has absolutely no money, tons of debt, and she is currently the head of her pitty party. She has never really had a charmed life, but she always provided for me and my sister. I am 20 years old and my sister is 21 and we are trying to start our lives and move out. My mother is not too happy about it. She wants us to help her pay for bills and when working a minimum wage job 30 hours or less a week, there isn't a lot of money to give and not a lot of money to keep for myself. I really want to move out but my mom makes me feel terrible for leaving her. She is 57 years old and expects me to take care of her. She tells me that she has taken care of me my whole life and now it is time for me to take care of her. Mind you, I have two older sisters in their late 30s who are more than financially stable and are not willing to help her. I am only 20 years old! I should not be the one who has to support her. I love my mother more than anything in the world and that is why it is going to be hard for me to leave her. I give her all of my money and do everything I can to make her happy. My 21 year old sister doesn't care to help pay the bills but she thinks she can live in our house and not do a thing. She is moving out and my mom doesn't care because she knows she has me still. I don't want her to depend on me and I need some help. My sisters refuse to help us and I just need to get out of this situation. Should I leave and get on with my life or should I stay and struggle to make ends meat to try to make my mother happy? I just don't know what to do. If i left and something happened to her, I would feel terrible but staying home is holding me back and bringing me back into my depression. I don't want her to be unhappy, but i also do not want to be unhappy. What should i do?
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It is not your responsibility to make your mother happy. It is her responsibility to deal with her life and find her own happiness. That said, it is not unfair for you, as an adult, to help out with the finances while you live at home. If you move out, you would have to pay rent and utilities, etc., so it is reasonable for you to kick in a few bucks for the benefits of living at home. Determine what is a fair contribution for you as an individual and do that. If your sisters don't want to help out, it is not your responsibility to cover any of their "share".
It is also not time for you to "take care" of your mother, especially with no help from other family members. If the atmosphere at home is dragging you down, then moving out is a healthy (and normal) thing for you. You need to do what you need to do to establish your own life. I don't mean abandoning and forgetting your mother, but it is unhealthy for both of you for you to bear the weight of her emotional and financial state.
When you establish yourself as your own person with your own resources, you will be better able to help your mother in ways that are healthy for both of you.
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Q: I am a 21 year old female having no kid,inlove with a 28 yr old guy with 2 kids.we've dating 4 almost abwt a year,and he's also inlove wit the mother of the kids..we r in da sme flat and da mothr is livin in far in anada village while we r in town,but evrytym whn she visit ma bf i always have to be alne no matter she gonna sty 4 a mnth??he dnt cl nor cum 2 see me? And he does'nt even tel me abwt his plnz 4 da future...wts da best way dump or be patient??
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My honest opinion is that you are wasting your time with this guy. I see little more than constant drama in your future with him. He's got two kids with a women to whom I'm guessing he was never married. He's in love with her, but he's got something going with you and when she's in town he basically ignores you and spends his time with her. Think about what that says about his priorities and values and whether that's really the kind of man you want to focus your time, energy, and emotions on. Think also what this says about your own self-concept that you are willing to be shoved into a closet, so to speak, when it is inconvenient for him to have you around. I think that word "convenient" really describes his relationship with you. He gets sex and attention from you when it is convenient for him, and pays little or no attention to you when it isn't. You can do better.
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Q: Hey I am a 8th grader and when I was born my weight was 2 lbs. 8oz and I was 15 in. long. Because I was so little and was premature I had to take steroids. In 6 th grade I played basket ball and when I was going for tryouts I went to do a layup which I made and on my way comming down my ankle twisted and my knee popped that was the 1st time that happened to me and it hurted like hell. September 21 ,2010 ii had surgery on my left knee because it kept popping and I could take the pain anymore. Starting in february my right knee and ankles hurt and fall out of it's socket and my ligaments are so thin they could pop any second now which I KNOW will hurt. Yesterday I was a church practicing for my 8th grade graduation and my knee popped and I stayed home from school today becuse it hurts soooo bad please someone tell me what to do or what u think it is because to me my life now revolves around my bones. If you could help that would be very very much appreciated and please respond in a nice and kindly manner tnx.
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This is something you should really ask your doctor. Your knee joints are still in the process of growing and developing and knee pain is not uncommon in a person of your age. This may or may not have something to do with your knee popping. There may be problems with the alignment of your femur, patella, and tibia contributing to the problem. It may be just that your ligaments are underdeveloped and may strengthen over time, if they are not damaged by over-stress. It may also be a result of your being born premature, which can affect your physical development. Of course, these are the speculations of someone trained in accounting, social work, and postal mechanical systems, not the diagnoses of a qualified medical professional. Your doctor can tell you what is going on physically and can advise you as to what precautions are necessary and what treatment is available.
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Q: 19/f
My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married. He is in the military and it just makes a lot more sense for us to get married now than when we are older. Please do not give me a lecture about marrying young, we have been together for 4 years and have been through a lot. We are going to go through a deployment before we get married too, we have thought this through a lot. The problem is that I know my parents will not be happy about this. The area I am from no one even thinks about marriage until after college. My parents got married at 30. I want to talk to them before he proposes so it can be a happy phone call, and they will be prepared. I don't know how to tell them. Has anyone gone through something similar to this, how did your parents react? Thanks
I'll be 20, almost 21 when we do end up having the wedding
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My daughter married her husband when she was about your age. She met him at the school where they trained for their MOS. She kept the marriage secret from us for nearly a year for fear that we would have tried to disuade her from marrying and would have "freaked out" after the marriage. They are currently each deployed in separate countries.
If she had confided in us, my wife and I would have definitely raised questions as to the wisdom of them marrying at that time, under those circumstances, just as my wife's parents tried to talk some sense into us when we got married. Naturally, we went ahead and got married anyway. I often think, though, that we would have benefitted greatly by listening to and heeding their advice.
We did not freak out about our daughter's marriage, though we were disappointed she had so little confidence in our goodwill toward her and that we missed out on sharing in her wedding.
From a parents perspective, I appreciate the fact that you want their blessing and that you have given this some thought. When you sit down with your parents, they are going to have objections: have you thought about this? What about that? If you listen to them and address their concerns as best you can, it will help them to come to terms with and respect your decision. This will, in turn, help them to be in a welcoming frame of mind when your boyfriend proposes.
I would not have chosen the man my daughter married for her, but she chose him so I accept him. I will support them in their marriage in any way that I can. I pray for them often, that they would overcome the obstacles common to all marriages and those specific to military marriages and that they would enjoy love, laughter, and joy all of their lives.
If your boyfriend is a man of good character, if your parents are people of good will, they will come to terms with it.
This question reminds me that I really need to give my son-in-law a cyber-hug. Thank you for the reminder.
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Q: My mom recently found a paper from my school that says i'm getting a 50 in tourism class, i took that class just to get a credit so i coul pass because it was either that or gym. So i chose tourism and didn't really bother trying in that class at all and focused on my more important classes for college like my math and chemistry. My mom thinks i should be getting 80s in every class. i recently got into a fight with her about this and i told her that i wasn't perfect that even if i try in all my classes it doesn't guarentee me a good grade, just like in english (Which i tried and still got a bad grade). The she started to nag me about school for about the millionth time so i just stop listening. What should i do? I love my mom and all and she can say hurtful things sometimes, but i just hate how she tries to control my life. She disapproved of the vet assistant course i got into in college and wouldn't let me take the course so i tried for massage therapy instead and didn't get in because of my mediocre english mark. She thinks thinks that if i take summer school for english that i can still get into massage therapy, which is like impossible. She thinks i'm wasting a year because i wasn't really ready to go to college and for not getting into college in the first place. As you can see, my relationship with my mom isn't the best, please help!
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Your mom probably doesn't expect you to be perfect so much as she wants you to do well. She is anxious for you. When she sees you getting poor grades, and sees that limiting your prospects for the future, it causes her anxiety. She already knows how tough it can be to succeed in the world, and she's trying to motivate you to fight harder for your own future.
I think it's time to talk to the school counselor about what you want to do and to help map out what you will need to accomplish that. He can also help you talk to your mom and help the two of you take a more collaborative approach to your future.
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Q: im a guy in high school, and there has always been this girl in my class who i hate. Ive hated her since the beginning of the year. Im a junior, and so is she, and i hate her so much.
The thing is, i dont even know this girl at all. Ive never spoken to her, i just hate her and the way she is. She is always texting in class, drives a nice car, always has starbucks, shes a materialistic bitch and she thinks she is hot shit, but she's not. I guess she is, because she's a cheerleader and gets all the guys. I just hate her so damn much, how much of a social slut she is, and how she is so spoiled and rich and she doesnt deserve anything she gets. I dont talk to her, but since the start of the year ive only been observing her. And for some reason, i feel obligated to tell her that she is a bitch and i hate her guts. Should I? Is this normal? I just want some advice. And btw, i dont hate her so much that i want to kill her... I'm not crazy, so dont think that. But i hate her enough to tell her off or even slap her in the face. And i just wanna know, is this normal? And what should i do...
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So let me get this straight: This girl has never insulted you, never rejected you, never made fun of you because you don't have the material things she has, and SHE's a bitch? Really? You haven't talked to her or had any interaction with her, but you want to insult her and slap her, and SHE's the bitch?
Okay, let me switch off the snarky and switch on the serious. *Click**Click* There, much better. The issue here is you. This girl may be materialistic, she may be getting her sense of self from the wrong things, may be investing her time and energy in the wrong things, but this has nothing to do with you. Your life wouldn't be any different, certainly not any better, if she didn't have the things she has or do the things she does.
So, this is about you. Sounds like you're jealous, and that means you essentially value the same things she does, but are frustrated because you don't have them. That indicates that you are getting your sense of self identity from the wrong things. You need to get a better sense of who you are and what makes you a valuable person. You need to learn to be okay with yourself, and that will help you be okay with other people being who they are. This other girl really is only the focal point of your projected sense of inadequacy.
So, what should you do? Zane's suggestion of going to the school counselor is a good place to start. If he or she feels they cannot help you, they will be able to help you find someone who can. You need to have a heart to heart with someone who can help you gain a healthy focus on who you are, what you have to offer, and how you navigate life. right now you are wasting your emotional energy hating this girl. Invest that energy in improving your own person, that will pay dividends far into your future.
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Q: My boyfriend of about 2 years is moving to alaska for a teaching job (which is realllly far away) he wants me to go with him, but honestly, i am reallly close to my mom and sister (pretty much my only family) and cannot imagine going away and not seeing them for who knows how long. i don't know what to do. i honestly thought he'd be the one i'd be with forever. any advice? I know the story of this isn't complete, but we were together for 2 years so it would be extremely long. i'm just looking for anything that might be helpful in dealing with this
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"Follow your heart." No, wait, that's usually bad advice. I don't know a lot of the logistics of such a move, which would factor into what I would advise. Ideally, he should go to Alaska first and establish himself there first before bringing you there. Ideally, he should be offering you marriage. I know that sounds a little old fashioned these days, but if you're going to follow him to distant places, uprooting yourself in the process, you're going to want a relationship anchored more firmly than bofriend/girlfriend.
Now, about that uprooting. Any committed relationship (i.e., marriage) is going to involve subordinating other relationships for that committed relationship; are you ready for that? If not, the combined stress of moving to a strange and distant place with no connections other than your boyfriend, setting up a new household, and being homesick will take a tremendous toll.
How much "stuff" do you have to move? I don't know if you already are living with him and sharing "stuff", or if you have your own place with "stuff", but if you don't share a household or don't have a lot of "stuff" of your own to move, I would consider my suggestion above, that he go first and get established, get a sense of what kind of a budget he'll be having to work on, what the community offers in services, entertainment, etc. That would give you time to prepare mentally and emotionally for the changes ahead, and to say goodbye to your family. It would also give you time to decide whether you really want to make the move.
I'm assuming that he's going to Alaska with or without you, that is, that his going is not contingent upon your going with him. If this is the case, then your focus is going to be what you want, how badly you want it, and what you're ready to do. There are a lot of factors I don't know, so I will just leave these things to consider for now. Hopefully it will give direction to your decision making. And, of course, you can always ask more questions on specific details.
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Q: Before you leave a post here saying "There is so much to live for" please read my story first (although it is a brief exaplaination) and don't waste my time as well as your own, I've already made up my mind.
I've always been a glass half full kind of person. I always looked on the bright side of life no matter what happened.
When I was thirteen my dad had an affair and left my mum for the other woman. Naturally, my mum was devesated. My dad never liked me so I wasn't all that bothered by it, I knew I had to step up and look after my mum and little sister. He left not long before my fourteenth birthday so it wasn't really a happy occasion. I met his girlfriend not long after and it was horrible. I had to hide this from my mum and it wasn't a nice thing to hide as a child. A few months after my dad left, my grandpa (on my mum's side) had a stroke and you can imagine the atmosphere in my house, it was not the greatest at all. Eventually my grandpa passed away and my mum was an even further wreck. By the time he passed away I was fifteen and had managed to get a part time job, cash in hand, to help support us. I was very depressed and still I knew I had to do good for my exams and yet, nothing I ever did seemed to fix my family's problems. We never had enough money, had to sell the house, my sister developed an anxity disorder and through it all, I always had to keep smiling even though I felt like hell on the inside. My mum's job then became unstable and I got a job as soon as leaving school. It was long hours and the pay wasn't great so eventually I took on a second job. The prospect of university or college just wasn't an option.
Despite supporting my mum, she doesn't like me much. I look too much like my dad so she says it's painful to look at me.
However, through it all. I had one constant. I had one person who loved me, cared for me, didn't want to look away from me when I needed them and I loved them dearly. I met him through a friend (right before my dad left) and as he didn't live near by, we conversed online. I am now twenty one - so that was a nine year relationship. Through all the horrible times the two of us endured (his life wasn't easy either), we supported one another and yet, two weeks ago, he committed suicide.
I don't want to live in a world without him. At fifteen I realised I loved him, he was more than just a friend and he felt the same. Yet he wouldn't let us be together, said he wasn't good enough for me and one day he would be and then we could be together. Through all the horrible times in my life, I always held this hope in my heart but now I have nothing to live for. Now that hope is gone and I would like to join him in the afterlife. If one doesn't exist then I have lost nothing as I will no longer exist but if there is an afterlife, I have to go after him.
My mind is made up but I'm scared. My friend jumped off a bridge but everytime I try to do the same, I'm scared of the thought of it not killing me and being kept in some hospital, my body dead but my brain still functioning.
I don't want sympthy, I just want to know what my options are.
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Your last two sentences get to the point of the matter. Every time I get to thinking maudlin thoughts about how it would be better not to be here, I think of the picture I once saw of a botched suicide. They guy blew the bottom of his face off with a shotgun. The rest of him was very much alive. Any method could easily put you in a much worse state (and more helpless) than you are in right now.
What are your options? Well, the best option I can think of right now is to get some therapy from a qualified professional and find some emotional support. Call a suicide hotline or a mental health clinic, or even a regular clinic. They will help you to get in touch with the right people. Taking this option gives you other options, such as becoming healthy emotionally and psychologically and going on to have a fulfilling and productive life. Imagine if your friend had taken this option. He could be alive and healthy emotionally right now, giving him the confidence to be in a relationship with you. But no, he cut off all his options, destroying any possibility of joy and fulfillment. In addition, his action has caused pain, confusion, grief, and hopelessness in the lives of others. It may end up cutting off the future of another life of someone for whom he cared, I wonder if he considered that? I wonder if he would have wanted that?
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Q: Hello. This summer I'm going to be traveling a lot with my family. Mostly around europe. I'm looking to make some money before school starts so that way I can buy a new wardrobe and some other things I need. Getting a job isn't going to be helpful considering I'll be traveling the whole summer. I won't know anyone (except my family) in europe so there's no way I could babysit or anything. I was thinking.. is it possible to get paid by giving out advice to people online? It doesn't have to be advicenators. But perhaps I could make my own website (which I can already do) and have a PayPal option where they pay me (not expensive) maybe a dollar each time they ask a question? or maybe even less like .50 cents?
I give out advice on this website and majority of the time I get 5 ratings. My friends also say I give out great advice to them when they need help, so since giving out advice and helping others is my passion and hobby, would it be wise to get paid while giving out advice?
please voice your opinions and thoughts. How much money do you think I should ask for each question? should I make it a donation type of thing? (so its not mandatory to pay, only volunteer pay)
Oh and I'm also really into photography. I just bought a really nice camera for 300 dollars and taking photography classes. Since i'll be in europe, I'm going to bring my camera with me and take many pictures. Perhaps I could sell some of my pictures too? Any opinions on this? Thank you!
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Just something to consider: if people are paying you for your advice, there may be legal implications including liability and licensure.
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Q: What does it mean when a guy doesn't call you after you give him your number?
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Possibilities:
He's not interested.
He lost the number.
He's really shy and afraid to call.
He doesn't have anything to say.
He's dyslexic and keeps dialing the wrong number. Last time he got some old dude who kept saying, "Henh? Who is this? I don't need no aluminum siding, young feller."
He's been pretty busy and just hasn't gotten around to it yet.
Next time you see him, just say to him, "Hey, gimme a call sometime." Or you could try calling him and see how it goes.
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Q: I feel so alone I'm 15 f and I'm really not the most attractive girl my weight is a little above average and I can't control my zits but I've never had a boyfriend, my first kiss. And most of my friends and new friends have I get awkward when they talk about it I try to go away I cry a lot bc I had a chance with a 16 year old in the summer for my first kiss but I didn't take all the chances I had and we eventually just stopped talking and I've tried talking talking to him but I feel that he doesn't want to fall for me again bc eventually he just stop talking/texting me and he switched schools in half the year bc his grades weren't good enough:/ but he still goes to a local public school
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You're 15, you have a lot of life ahead of you. So you passed up a chance for your first kiss last summer; don't worry, you'll get another chance. If one boy fell for you, sooner or later another one will. What I'm saying is, there is no rush. The reality is that you will probably meet many guys in the next 5-10 years, any guy you meet at this age is unlikely to be the one you end up with in adulthood, so there is no need to rush to have your first kiss with the first guy who comes along and puckers up. In the meantime, it's perfectly okay to be single. Work on making good choices, doing well in school, learning to be okay with who you are. Your time will come.
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Q: Yeah, it's just that when i have a problem or worry,it gets blown up so huge! And no-one needs that extra annoyingness...how can i calm down??
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Spend your worry time analyzing the issue and developing a strategy for addressing it. Realize that life is full of issues in various stages of incompleteness. That's normal and most reasonably "with it" individuals manage to navigate their way through them. Look at your problem or worry as the starting point and start proactively plotting your way forward from that point. Break the problem down into steps that are manageable, then use the time and energy you spend worrying working on those steps.
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Q: I have had my RES for about 3 months. He was first in a really small tank because he was really small but I have upgraded to a 20 galling tank. The water depth is at about 4 inches and he just walks on the floor of the tank and doesn't swim. I know he knows how I guess he's lazy. How do I get him swimming
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Why do you want him to swim? If he's happy walking around on the floor of the tank and he appears to be healthy, I see no point in trying to make him swim. If the water in his old tank was too shallow to swim in, maybe he's just so used to walking around it hasn't occured to him to swim.
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Q: I'm a 16 year old girl and I've been best friends with this girl since 3rd grade, we're both in 10th grade now. During 8th grade the 2 of us became great friends with another 2 girls and its been the 4 of us since. A month ago my long time best friend started hanging out with the school smokers and drug addicts, but she wasn't alone since one of my other friends liked a guy there she always went with. The past month their attitudes have changed, they smoke and drink, their clothing choices are different ect. When I try talking to them about how them changeing makes me feel they laugh and say I must get a life and stop acting like their mom. A few days ago I heard that the 2 of them told their new friends that I said some rude things about her and then she and a few of her group found me after school. They keep saying it wasn't them that told the girl but they were the only ones that knew. Plz give me advice on what to do, if I should stay friends with them or try and forget...
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It's time to move on. Find new friends who share your interests and values. You can still be friendly with your old friends, but you don't have to join in or follow them into relationships and activities that don't fit with your values. They actually gave you excellent advice in telling you to "get a life and stop acting like their mom." This is what you should do - get a life which involves friends and activities that fit with who you are. You have obviously let them know how you feel, and they have let you know how they feel, now it is time to accept that they have chosen a different lifestyle. It is okay for them to choose a different set of values and to live with whatever consequences those choices may bring. It is okay for you to choose to stay with your set of values and live accordingly.
This will be a growing experience for you, learning to be true to your own values, developing new friendships, learning how to deal with conflict in productive ways, all of which are important skills for navigating the adult world.
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Info
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Gender: Male Location: Minnesnowta Occupation: Mail Processing Equipment Mechanic Age: 51 Member Since: May 30, 2011 Answers: 76 Last Update: April 25, 2014 Visitors: 4764
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