I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173042
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does birthcontrol help you to lose weight?
like my friend jus said he thinks im on birth control because im really skinny.
im not on birth control i was just wondering. (link)
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In regards to weight and birth control, every woman is different. Most females stay at the same weight or gain a small amount of weight - it's not as common to lose weight.
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So, next year I want to try out for my school's Show Choir. My voice seems ok, but I want to know how to get it better, be able to sing higher notes etc. So, any tips anyone has would be helpful. 5's for good advice. (link)
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First of all, good luck with the tryouts!
If you've got the time and money, taking voice lessons can help you improve your breathing, range, etc.
If you don't, does your school have any less competitive choirs you can get into THIS year? That can also help you out.
One thing I will point out is that everyone has different ranges their voices can handle - how high or low they can sing. Everyone's not expected to sing the same notes. During an audition, you'll be placed in the group that best matches your voice. This is how harmonies happen - some people naturally sing high quite well, some sing high but not AS high, and some have lower voices.
All are okay!
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OKay, I worry easy so bear with a silly question.
Can a guy get an STD from Fingering a girl? Or from having a girl give him just a handjob? (link)
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STDs are tranferred by a variety of ways, but the two specific to your situation would be bodily fluids and blood. If your girlfriend had an STD and you had any cuts or open sores on your hands, you could have gotten a disease. Likewise, if she had any cuts on her hands and touched your penis - and IT had cuts - again, something could have transferred.
The cuts don't have to be huge, but it is highle unlikely an STD would be passed - because it would have required a lot of exposure to any fluid - or strange spot/wart on her genitals.
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I'm an Aethiest. I strongly believe that there is no god. I respect other people's religions, and I don't try to convert people or anything. Now, I've been in scouting for years. Lots of years. From a Tiger Cub Scout in 1st grade to a First Class scout now (I'm kind of slow with scouting). Anyway, the requirement for every class that says to live the Scout Oath and Scout Law in your every day life is now being enforced. My parents made me describe each part of the Law and Oath in great depth. When we reached Brave and Clean, I was starting to slip up. And then we reached Reverent.
Boy Scouts expects everyone to believe in some sort of god, and be straight. Gays and Aethiests have been kicked out in the past. And since Boy Scouts is a private thing, government can't interfere. People have tried to sue and lost the case. Now, I want to keep scouting. I love being a Boy Scout. Plus, it'll look good on my job application forms when I'm old enough that it won't be against child labor laws. =P So my options are:
a) Quit scouting (I don't want to. Really.)
b) Believe in a god (I'm not going to change my beliefs because of this. It's not in human nature.
c) Lie about my religion (Also against the Scout Oath. Not good.)
So obviously, I'm screwed. What should I do? It's putting so much pressure on me... (link)
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Think about what Scouting really means to you. If job applications is your only reason to stay in, then it's not the best of reasons. But if it's much more than that, you've got some tough questions to ask yourself.
You should not have to compromise yourself, or what you believe, for any activity. How often does the religion question come up in Scouting? If you are comfortable with it, you can just choose to not talk about your beliefs. It seems like you might not be comfortable lying by omission, though, and that's where this gets tough.
The real choice is this: What is more important to you, Boy Scouts or yourself?
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Ive never really thought about this, but now I have to question it. I am 29 and have 2 kids. both were planned pregnancies. I guess my question is kind of gross, but I couldn't find out any where else. I was just wondering, what are the odds of getting pregnant if the man ( my husband) ejaculated before actual vaginal intercourse? I know before ejactulation you can get pregnant, but i'm not so sure about afterwards. It would be helpful to find out, I've missed my monthly, but took two home tests, and both were negative, but still no period...? (link)
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If your husband ejaculated BEFORE vaginal intercourse, this would suggest that you went on to have intercourse? And if you did, all that semen would still be on the tip of his penis, and possible on the shaft. And if you follow the logical next step...that semen went into you once you had intercourse. Hence, possible pregnancy.
If he ejaculated before you had a chance to have full sex, and you did not go on to have full sex, then you need to think about whether any of his semen came near your vagina. This could be on his fingers (if he then touched you), if he ejaculated on you, etc.
It does take some time for pregnancy tests to be fully effective, so keep retesting if your period does not come. If it's more than two weeks late and the tests are still negative, it's best to go see a doctor. He/she will be able to be a lot more informed as to possible causes for a missed period, checking for pregnancy, etc.
Best of luck.
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First of all, i'm not asking this to be told to go to the doctor. I just need advice from people who might now what this is. Anyways, during the summer i had like a racing heart beat for two months and i felt weak but really nervous. I would fall asleep and then jump all of a sudden after like five minutes. It eventually went away, and last night it started all over. I could tell the symptoms. I felt really bad in the morning. Everybody thought i was sick and my heart beat was abnormally fast again. It eventually calmed down but i now it's still there. It's actually getting worse as i'm typing this. Does ANYBODY know what this could be or what could happen as a result to this???? My parents wont let me go to the doctor and i dont think the school nurse can help me. I have no medicine to take or anything. Please help me y'all!!! (Sorry its so long but i need help...) (link)
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Your parents shouldn't be able to prevent you from getting medical care.
It sounds like you have a definite reason to be concerned - whether a bigger problem exists or not, you're experiencing a lot of stress and worry.
Go to the school nurse. Explain the situation. She should be able to then talk to your parents and explain why you need to see a doctor.
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hey im a freshman in highskool and ive just been asked out by a freshman and he like almost in all my classes! when he asked me out, i though i shouldnt b a heartless bi*ch so i just said yes. i mean hes cute but like a lil brother cute. i feel like an ass**le. i will not say no now n tomm. i go bak 2 skool wat will i say wats next i dunt like him! oH MY GODDD ive made a big mistake n i need help PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help me! thnxx (link)
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You've learned a harsh lesson - sometimes in order not to be a heartless bitch, you need to hurt people's feelings. If you'd said no right away, it would have been a little kinder.
But because you're now in this very uncomfortable situation, you need to think about the best way to get out of it. Ideally, you'd be able to escape without being more hurtful to the guy.
Basically, though, you do need to get out. Write a note, have a conversation, do whatever feels best to you - but do it as soon as you can.
Best of luck.
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hi, um im a 16/f. I have 2 weird yellow spots on my right breast. It looks almost like I was marked with a highlighter, but I wasnt & its not brused or anything. I was wondering what it could be or what could have caused it. Please I need help... (link)
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Anytime you are concerned about your health, it's best to see a doctor. Chances are the spots are fine and nothing to worry about, but because they always COULD be symptoms of a bigger problem you need to get them checked out.
A doctor will put your mind at rest by telling you what the problem is. He/she can also help by telling you what to do to get your breasts back to a normal colour, no spots included.
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lately ive been crying alot .... my dad died like 4 years ago.... this guy that i like that french kissed a few times just told me that he only likes me as a friend....my hair was really long and now its up to my shoulders and i hate it..... I think im really ugly but everyone else says im pretty...... im pissed off at my cheerleading coach... my mom is being really bitchy to me..... i wanna loose weight(i weight 105 pounds and im 5'1 i no that doesnt seem like heavy but i have extra fat that i wanna loose)
*****can someone help me with all this like the guy i like how can i get him to like me and what can i do about my extra fat and just give me advice***** (link)
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It seems like you have a lot of stuff going on in your life. And it can certainly be a lot harder to deal with a whole bunch of things than just one problem.
The first problem you mentioned was your dad dying, but then you don't ask for specific advice about him. Because you mentioned him first, I would guess that it's still a pretty big issue in your life. Have you dealth with his death yet? Counselling is a good way to start - space just for you to be yourself, no judgements, no telling you how to feel.
Losing somebody can affect a person for years and years, and they can sometimes have other problems that are related - bits of anger or sadness that bubble to the surface. Or when other people hurt you, you can be reminded of those feelings.
As for your hair, it'll grow.
As for your coach, can you talk to him/her about whatever is making you mad?
As for the guy, I'm sorry to say but if he says he doesn't like you as more than a friend, the best course of action is to believe him. He might like you and not be ready for a relationship, or he might not like you. Either way, it's not the best type of guy to get involved with - no matter how much you like him. And it's pretty hard to 'change' how people see/feel about you.
And weighing 105 pounds is already on the thin side. Why not try toning instead of trying to lose weight? Girls and women are supposed to have certain areas that are fleshier than others - it happens at puberty and will stick with you for life.
Hope I helped in some way. Best of luck in everything.
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I am a seventeen year old student. I have had my resume done professionally but I don't have any retail experience (just volunteering, interning et cetera).
I was just wondering what you look for in an applicant? Being extremely honest. What factors do you consider more: experience/looks/personality/et cetera?
If you aren't a manager, your feedback is also appreciated but please indicate that you aren't in your apply.
Thanks (link)
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I've been a manager of a pretty big group of staff before. And as for what I looked for? Looks didn't even factor into the situation.
Experience and personality are probably the two factors any employer will be interested in. But there's one important thing to remember - if you are the right 'fit' for a job, they will often allow you to gain skills/training/experience on the job.
You might have the right experiences, but without the right mindset, they won't want you. I wouldn't worry too much about your lack of 'real' experience. Anything is an experience you could have learned from, if you present it the right way.
Your CV will get you an interview, but yourSELF will get you a job.
Best of luck.
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I have a friend that had a child 1 year ago, and she is recently haveing unpretected sex for the past 2 weeks. She said that milk is comeing out of her breast and she is geting morning sickness. Me being a mother, that was my frist sign for me that i was pregnet. Someone told me that it it normal for mothers that after a year of haveing your child for milk to come out your breast. We also took a pregnacey test, and it said that she was not pregnet, but we were thinking that maybe it is to soon to tell.
What do you think??? thanks for the help.she is 17 yrs old by the way. (link)
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Does your friend want to be pregnant again? If so, she might want to consider the amount of work involved in having two such young children!
If she doesn't, then she needs to see her doctor as soon as possible and get on birth control - IF she isn't currently pregnant. Many pregnancy tests will not be accurate until a certain amount of time has passed. They are testing for a hormone associated with pregnancy, and that doesn't appear overnight. She needs to keep testing.
And asking herself some questions - is her period overdue? By how much? If it's very late, she needs to keep testing herself for pregnancy ever week or so. If her period still does not come, she needs to make an appointment to see a doctor.
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I want to have sex for my boyfriend, he likes it all the time, but i dont enjoy it at all. Unless am drunk, But he dosent like me to drink either do i. It hurts and it fells like am being raped because it hurts so bad. So i have to use a lot of oils to help it. We try everything differnt poistions, role playing, porn. nothing works. I have cumed once and we have been having sex for 5 years. Dont know what to do. Help please.
Am 20 years old and have a child Is that the problem? (link)
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The problem is that you aren't having sex for you - or for your relationship - but for your boyfriend. It can take time to find out exactly what you like, and you need to carve out some time and space to do that.
First, masturbate. Be alone with yourself (can your bf babysit?) and just relax. Don't feel pressured to be sexy, but if you DO feel sexy, go with it. Try different things. See what works.
Then tell/show your boyfriend.
Also, oil isn't the best lubricant in the world. Try something specially made for the job, a water-based lubricant. You can buy these in pharmacies or specialist shops.
Sexual problems could be about your history, your feelings about your current relationship, or any number of things. Pressure and anxiety related to sex will only make things more terrible. Why not take a break from sex and try cuddling and kissing instead?
Your boyfriend needs to let YOU lead the pace of things for awhile. If you've got the opportunity to take charge, you might surprise yourself.
Having a child shouldn't stop you from enjoying sex, although of course kids are a lot of work. But if you listen to your own heart and body, things should start to improve. Masturbate, explore, buy some books (or go to the library!), show your boyfriend where your clitoris is, focus on your emotional relationship.
Best of luck.
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OK im 13/f i got my period for the 1st time on sunday and i do not have a mother or any brothers or sisters to talk to ..... just my dad.... i dont wanna tlk to him about this .. i have some supplies that i got from the talk but they are runnimg out very quickly... how can i bring this subject up with my dad without making him freak out...... thanks a million ill rate u a 5 no matter wat!!!! (link)
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Well, your dad might freak out for one (or two!) of two main reasons:
1. Daddy's 'little girl' is growing up.
2. He's a guy and might not know a lot about periods.
Ways to tell him: a letter, a quick (and attemping to be casual) conversation, leaving a box of pads lying around!
If you have any way to get to a store, it's also possible to buy pads for yourself. This is best regardless of whether you go alone or your dad takes you. You'll want to experiment and see what kinds of pads you like - ultra-thin, with or without wings, etc.
Your father knows that one day you will get your period. It's not going to be totally unexpected. And while the conversation might be awkward for the two of you, it probably won't scar either of you for life!
If you're not ready to talk to him, do you have an aunt or grandma who could help out?
Everyone goes through having The Period Talk with someone in their family...and we all survive. You will, too.
Best of luck!
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i have an amazing boyfriend who i am totally in love with.
my friend, however, likes me..he won't leave me alone and is always sad because i have a boyfriend..he's getting pretty annoying and i don't want him to be all depressed.. what should i do? (link)
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Have you ever heard the saying 'sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind'? Well, if you modify that to 'sometimes you have to be honest in a nice way to help yourself and other people', then you're in the right frame of mind to sort this problem out.
Basically, it's not your responsibility that your friend likes you, nor are you the guardian of his emotions. The best way is to gently but firmly let him know that you have no romantic feelings towards him and that you are deeply in love with your boyfriend.
Honesty is always the best policy. If you hang back and don't say anything out of fear of hurting his feelings, you're actually doing him more damage in the long run. Better he know how the situation stands so he can move on!
Best of luck.
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is masturbation bad for your body? (link)
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Nope. Masturbation won't get anyone pregnant, won't give or receive a sexually transmitted disease, and won't cause awkward fights that can lead to the breakdown of a relationship.
It's normal, healthy, and most people try it at least once - and usually go back for more!
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I thought you gave me really good advice about the older guy, but you assumed that I was still a teenagaer.
Actually I am 27 and my friend is 44, so it wouldnt be illegal for us to go out.
Now that you know my age do you still stand by the advice you gave, or do you think there is a chance for us? (link)
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Sorry about the assumptions....
There can still be a significant difference between 27 and 44, but that all depends on the two people. At 27, many people are still settling into life - progressing in their careers, figuring out where they'd like to live, exploring life.
Some 44 year olds do this to, obviously, but generally they've got a bit more life experience.
Things to think about - if you were together a long time, you could end up caring for a partner who died years before you. He could be looking for a mid-life crisis fling.
Or...you could really hit it off and be happy. Your original question didn't mention if you had feelings for him, and now I'm afraid to assume!!
If you do, then the smartest advice I can offer is to listen to all the little voices in your head..and the ones in your heart. Don't ignore them, and you'll probably see that you've already got the answer inside of you.
Best of luck!
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i just got my period today (not my first) but anyways i have a 5-8 hour surgery on monday and ill be sleeping for like 2 days and i wont be able to walk right away. so what should i do? (link)
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Ask your nurse or doctor what the best course of action is. They'll probably recommend you wearing a pad during surgery.
Even with a lot of sleeping and trying to recover, most patients are encouraged to get up and walk to the bathroom. If this happens, you can regularly change your pad - a tampon might accidentally be left in too long if you are soundly asleep for more than 8 hours.
If you are genuinely confined to bed, you should still be able to change your pad with a little of manuvering. Make sure to be upfront with your nurse if you need help - it might be embarassing, but less embarassing than lying in a pool of your own blood!
Best of luck with the surgery AND the period!
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I was talking to my friend the other day. He was talking about how he was in a band in highschool. I asked him what year he graduated and it turned out to be the same year I was born. I started to laugh and when I told him his face went beet red and he couldnt look me in the eye.
I thought that because we are just friends that this was a strange reaction.
Do you think that maybe he has feelings for me as more than a friend? That would explain why he was embarressed. (link)
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If someone at least 18 years older than you has feelings for you, then you're both in a bad position. For you, it's very easy to be manipulated, used, or just in the underhand position in the relationship. For him, he's potentially in a bad legal position (depending on your age) and is really questionable emotionally and mentally.
People generally prefer to be around people of their own age, or at least people in the same stage of life - high school, college, early 20s, etc. Whenever people from two different stages date, there is a much higher than normal chance of things going wrong - from mere heartbreak to really messed up emotional situations.
Even if this guy is only embarassed about being older, I would question why he was spending time with a teenager anyway. It's inappropriate if he considers you a very close friend, and more than a little weird.
Do yourself a favour and stay well clear of any sort of relationship. You might want to think carefully about whether maintaining this friendship is the best thing for you, as well.
Best of luck.
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ok well i started hanging out with this girl named ashley.. and she drinks and all this stuff, (mind you we are all 13) i dont do that, and i only hang with her in school, but since then all my friends think ive been rude or a little diffrent, my old bffl *r* thinks that ive changed and she wants the old me back, but i dont know how to tell ashley, im scared she'll like want to beat me up, and shes changed me, its true, i see it in me. ive thought about this before, i mean i want to be friends with ash, just not like stuck together for ever. PLEASE HELP.
♥ (link)
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You want to stay friend with someone who you believe might beat you up if you have a difference of opinion?
Another person can never change you. YOU can change you, and you are responsible for the person you are - and the person you are becoming. Ashley might be exposing you to things you are not used to, but she cannot creep into your mind and force you to become someone different. You've made a choice, whether you realize it or not, to modify your behaviour and act in a new way.
Now it's up to you whether or not you see this change as a good thing. It's in your power to stay this way (don't change things and keep on as you are - although realizing you might lose your best friend over it)...or to decide to reverse these new changes. A first step might be in stopping your friendship with Ashley, as you have only changed your behaviour after hanging out with her.
A third option is to be who you really are, Ashley or no Ashely, and be comfortable with yourself. If you do this, you'll find out soon enough who your true friends are. Only you can know who you want to be - you are the expert on yourself.
Best of luck.
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I recently got back together with my ex boyfriend after being broken up for 2 months. I have a naturally clingy personality and I think that might have been something that caused problems in the past. It's not that I'm psychotic by any means, I just like a lot of attention. I don't want to screw this up again... so should I simply ignore my clingy disposition and play hard to get sometimes, even though I already have him back? If so, how should I go about playing hard to get, and how often? I think games in general are stupid but if this will help keep everything romantic and healthy I'm all for it. (link)
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'Playing games' and being 'healthy' are two concepts that do NOT go together. If you are playing games, you are putting up a false front about who you are as well as manipulating another person into believing this false self is the real you.
Genuine, long-lasting, mutual love type relationships are based on both partners being 100% honest about who they are...and what they expect from a relationship. If you want someone who wants to spend a lot of time with you, this guy simply may not be 'it' for you.
There are many, many reasons why someone might crave a lot of attention. Regardless of what these are, you still deserve being genuine to yourself. If things don't work out with this guy, that's too bad. If they do, it's too good! Either way, you end up in the right place for YOU - a place where you can be yourself, be honest about what you want, and be in a good position to find someone who really matches up well with you and your relationship expectations.
Best of luck.
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