I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
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18/f
Ok, so I'm not too sure if I am pear-shaped or not. I'm 57kg and 1.7m tall.
I have a derrière and not so big hips. I'm not flat chested, I'm a B-cup. I think I have sort of broad shoulders too. And my tummy always gives me trouble, sometimes it is flat and lovely (usually before meals) and most of the time, it is a little meaty and it shows whenever I wear tight tops.
So, I need some help figuring out what exactly to wear. When I wear a tight top, (usually light), skinny jeans (light) and my classic white adidas sneakers, I just look SO ridiculous. I love my derrière, I just want to dress more appealing. I want people to notice my derrière and love it as much as I do.
As for my top half, I hate having sweat patches, and because it is summer, I tend to go for blacks, which only makes it worse. Or I put on a cardigan over a singlet. I wear push up bras when I wear singlets, I reckon it makes me look better. :) More feminine.
What other styles should I go for? Tips and suggestions would be perfect. I love jeans! And I'd wear shorts but due to my culture and insecurities, I'd rather stay away.
Thank you and I'm sorry this is so long. :) (link)
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The mistake a lot of girls with your shape make is wearing clothes that are too tight. The key to a perfect looking bum is the right pair of jeans in the right fit. Avoid jeans that are too tight in the waist, causing your tummy to pinch and "hang over". Find a pair that are snug in the bum but have a little bit of room at the top. Straight legged jeans give you a longer look, highlighting the bum. Avoid the jeans with no back pockets or with pockets that are decorated. Those never flatter properly. For tops, try something that is flowy and loose with an empire waist. It will accentuate your boobs and cover any loose belly fat while still looking good. When you wear fitted tops, remember not to get them too tight. Some people think tighter is sexier, but too tight just shows all your rolls and lumps and flaws, so it ends up looking worse. And take a chance and try some colors and patterns. It might feel strange at first but as you get used to it you'll feel more comfortable and I'll bet you get a lot of compliments. Comfort and style are the key. Something may be "stylish", but if it doesn't fit you right or you feel uncomfortable in it people will notice. When you feel good about what you're wearing, it doesn't really matter about the style. People will think its stylish because you look so confident in it. And a look like I described can go well with heels or sneakers. So you can dress it up or dress it down. Skinny jeans are very hot on the right shape, but for a "pear" shape they can end up making your body look out of balance. If you just can't give up your skinny jeans, find tops that cover the bum and avoid the sneakers. Sneakers with skinny jeans can give the appearance of a a shorter, squatter shape. Have fun and experiment. Pay attention to what people notice or compliment.
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I have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. 7 months so far. Honestly, it took him 3 years to get over his last gf who broke up with him. I don't want to be in this relationship anymore, he's much too needy, but I'm literally scared he'll show up at my door if I break up with him. We live in 2 different countries. I'm scared of hurting him, but I'm tired of this relationship. It's not what I want, and he tells me he loves me 24/7, but I really don't feel the same. I'm lying to him by telling him that I do.
I don't want to keep this going on any longer. He talks about marriage, and kids with me, and buying an apartment. I've only known him for 10 months!! Ahh, & to make matters worse he's interfering with my school work. He gets so pissed when I say I need to go study/do my work. To avoid fighting, I literally just stopped doing my work. But I'm an A student, and I'm so tired of messing up my grades for him.
I need someone to please help me figure out the best way to tell him I want to end this, and what to say. I don't want to be cruel, but I want to make it clear it's over. Thanks! (link)
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This is a tough one. Since you live in two different countries you can't really do it face to face, which would be the most respectful way. I would say over the phone but if this guy's so needy he might not let you explain yourself. I think a HANDWRITTEN letter would be best. Its personal, but you can also take the time to explain yourself and your side of things, and let him know that you've just moved on to a different place in your life and you don't want to be in a relationship right now. You say you're worried he actually might show up on your doorstep, so I wouldn't talk about being far apart as a reason for your break-up. He might get it in his head to be closer to you to take away that reason. Just tell him gently, respectfully and kindly that you realize you are growing and changing into a different person than you were when you started dating, and you've decided to be alone for a while. As cruel as it may feel, you've got to be crystal clear, another reason writing a letter may help. You can take the time to get all your thoughts out. Explain you know he'll find someone soon who can love him the way he deserves, but you are not that person. I suspect he can already feel you slipping away, which is why he's probably getting worse about his neediness. This is just one of those tough things that you have to do. But be clear, the don't take his phone calls after he's received your letter. There's nothing he can say to change your mind and dragging it out would only hurt both of you. Good luck.
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13/m
ok so during these holidays my parents told me and my siblings that they dont love each other anymore, and are getting a divorce, and for the first few weeks it affected my sisters alot, but not so much for me, i think it was because i understood that people do this kind of thing all the time, but lately my girlfriend who i love (or think i do anyways) and myself, things have just been weird, only starting this week though, im not sure why, i ask her whats wrong and she just says she doesnt know, and its pretty hard for me, ive been getting really angry and sad from it all, more angry than sad though. ive talked about it to people and theyve tried to help but just idk anymore about anything, i havent really wanted to do anything the past couple of days since this.
does anyone know what i can do? just to make myself better, i really dont like it at the moment
and if theres anything you think will help.
thanks (link)
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Do you go to church? Know of a church or youth group you'd like to join? Have a school counsellor? These are places for you to find a trusted adult to talk with and express your feelings to. Your problems with your friend are most likely a result of what's happening in your family right now. You are expressing the hurt and anger that you can't (or won't) express at home. You need a healthy, safe place to let all that crap out, so you can cope with the day to day stuff of everything that's happening in your family right now. Even though you have an understanding about why your parents are breaking up, that doesn't mean you won't hurt about it. so find an adult you can trust, either to talk to or to recommend a place to go to talk. Its good to have friends to help you, but you need someone older who has experience. Good luck to you. I don't know why parents EVER choose the holidays to break such horrible news. That's an awful thing to do to a family - to make them associate the holidays with pain. But, its out of your hands. The best thing you can do for yourself and your happiness is seek help.
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It's an odd story, but I met this guy online. Turns out we are both 19, and he goes to school only 50 minutes away. Ironically the school I want to transfer too. The last week, we have been texting back and forth a lot. It was easily seen that we both liked each other a lot. But we agreed we wanted to get to know each other better first. He is really honest and seems to have a really good heart. He was willing to be anything I wanted, whether it's friends or friends with benefits. When we talked about how it was shown so clearly we both liked each other, he was honest and said he wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship right now or not. Though if I wanted to be in a relationship, he wouldn't want to take that opportunity from me. While half the time I feel as if he is trying to just get in my pants, the other half says "your crazy for thinking this." He knows I just got out of a 9 month relationship of being cheated onh. and had my heart play yo-yo'd with, anyways. He'd call me babe and such. We were dicussing clothing and I go "so your preppy, eh?" and he's like "is that a problem? :P" and I go "no not at all, I used to be preppy." and he goes "what are you then?" I go "Me" and he asked me to define that, so I did. Basically I rather sleep an extra hour than put my face on, I hate pink but I love hollister. I'm obsessed with my hair but I don't straighten it everyday. He told me I made him smile and that I was honest and cute. He came back for the spring semester, and we decided to meet. We laughed and joked and had a great time. I laid on his shoulder and barely rubbed his leg. He said it tinkled, and then later on said he was thinking. I asked what, and he said I knew what. I responded, "I want you to say it." Moments later, he grabbed my hand and placed it on his penis. In shock, he laughed at my reaction, and said I started it. I was practically blushing and in complete shock that I was unsure of what to do next. He just sat back and I started to barely do anything, and he adjusted himself and I asked why I was I even doing this? He said that I didn't have to if I didn't want to, so I stopped. Moments later out of habit, I poke to see if it was still hard or not. Which it wasn't, and he said "It's soft, hold on.." Then I proceeded to actually want to do something, I asked for a kiss and I got such a soft one, I wanted more and he said he wanted me to do some more in order for another kiss. I kissed his cheek and proceeded, and whispered that he was such a tease. He turned his head away and smiled. For a full neck right there for me to kiss, which I then kissed passionately. In the process of kissing his neck, he grabbed my ass which turned me on completely, then he started to slid his hand underneath my sweatpants and asked if he was crossing the line at all. It made me smile that he had asked me that, Afterwards, he gave me a gentle rub, and a few more soft pecks. With a really big hug and a passionate kiss, then shortly after goodbye hug, and a kiss. It's been 4 days so far, and I've yet to hear from him..why is he doing this? Some say he is shy and doesn't know what he wants, others seem to think that maybe hes testing to see if turn out psycho or something.
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Do you want a relationship with this guy, or do you just want to hook up? If you just want sex, then this is your man. If you want a relationship, turn around and run the other way. No gentleman who cared any amount for you would GRAB YOUR HAND and put it on his crotch. He only wants sex. My prediction is if you give it up to him you'll soon be looking at the back of his head as he drops you and walks away. But all of this is something you have to find out for yourself, so trust your instincts, decide what it is you want, and then be prepared for any outcome. Good luck.
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i'm 17/f and i've been suffering from depression for a while now. sometimes its insufferable, and sometimes its a little better. but it doesnt stay good for long. everytime i turn around, i find something to be upset about. and it lingers. if anyone has read "new moon", then you'll know what i mean when i say i feel like there is a huge hole in my chest. its killing me, and i dont know what to do. i cant seem to find the positive in anything anymore. my parents wont get me help unless i tell them whats wrong, and they just wouldnt understand, or they'll pass it off as hormones. my friends cant help because they'll only pity me or attempt to give me advice, but only end up making me sound pathetic. i can't keep going on pretending im okay when on the inside, it feels like that big hole is just sucking the life out of me. i have to force myself to get out of bed in the morning, and the smile i put on for everyone at home and at my school is just a mask that will break eventually.
i need help, and this is the only way i know how to get some. this is the worst its been in a really really long time. thanks in advance for any advice. (link)
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You don't have to tell your parents what's wrong, specifically. Just tell them you think you are depressed and you're having feelings you don't know how to deal with and you think you need professional help. It won't be easy, but even if you feel stupid doing it, just do it. You need help. You can't get help until you let someone know what's going on. If you can't talk to your parents, ask a school counselor or a trusted adult. A good therapist can help you through this and really turn things around for you. You can be happy again. You just need help to get there.
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If a guy ejaculates near my privates but not inside me can I get pregnant? my bf and me have had sex and this happened to me i got tested right after and I am not pregnant but im worried and I am against abortion so.... (link)
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Yes. It can happen. If you're against abortion and you're not ready to have a baby, you should abstain from sex or use protection. You don't want to find yourself in a difficult situation and know you could have done something to prevent it.
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Okay i have been faithful to my boyfriend for almost a year now and he keeps saying I'm cheating when i never cheat. But i do what us to break up i can't keep putting up with him and not having a life but i want him to break up with me but i don't want to cheat i just want out that's all but i can't bring myself to break up with him
How do i make him break up with me without hurting him? (link)
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You can't break up with him without hurting him. You'll just have to suck it up and do it. You already know this isn't a healthy relationship. You've just go to do it. Its like ripping off a bandaid. Do it quickly and the pain only lasts a little bit. Slowly and you'll torture yourself longer than you need to.
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we are in a long distance relationship by the way.
he won't talk to me.
he told me we need to take a little break because he's really stressed out.
and I don't understand why he is because everything between us has been fine.
he told me its not you at all, its me.
and I absolutely hate those words.
i understand if he needs a break or whatever but he just kinda left me hanging. he never told me why he stressed out or anything. he won't even talk stuff over with me and its been three days.
and its the longest three days of my life.
ive tried texting and calling him a bunch of times but i get nothing back and its frustrating me so much.
i wish i had the strength to move on and not bother him but i cant. i love him.
what should I do? (link)
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I know you don't want to hear this. This clearly is a sucky situation and it sounds like your boyfriend did leave you hanging, which wasn't fair. But, the truth is, I think he just broke up with you. But he didn't have the courage to say it straight out, so he asked to take a break. That is guy-code for break up. Meaning, he'll be single and you'll be single. And "Its not you its me" really means "You haven't done anything wrong, I just want to see other people". Add the guy-code to the fact that you guys are long distance, plus he's not returning your messages, and what you end up with is a break-up. He's a jerk for being so unclear, but in the end, it sounds like he just didn't want to hurt you, so he said what he thought would hurt you the least. I know this is a harsh answer, and I know it hurts a lot, but I believe its the truth. Send him a message or a text that is blunt. "Are we broken up: yes or no". That's it, nothing else. Don't tell him you want to talk about things or ask him anything else. You need to know what the deal is so you can eventually heal your heart, but you can't move forward if you don't really have any closure. So ask him straight up what he meant. Then do your best to find other distractions in you life while you try to get over him. And you will, eventually, but it will take some time. In the end, you'll be fine, and you'll realize that whatever happens was meant to be. Good luck to you.
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I don't get a buzz from smoking anymore can anyone tell me why? cause this totally sucks! I am addicted now and not getting anything from it but all my friends telling me I stink from it.
HELP!? (link)
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This is the exact reason your parents always told you not to smoke. Not because they wanted to ruin your good time, but because they know it leads to this - your body getting so used the chemicals in the cigarettes that you can no longer feel the sensations that originally made it so attractive. But by that time you're addicted and need it to keep from getting antsy or headaches or whatever. If your friends tell you that you smell, it must be bad, but also its cool that you have people who are good enough friends to tell you that, so that you can do something about it. Probably the only thing to do now is quit, or cut back. You already know the health reasons, I'm sure, so there's no reason to get into that, but socially its going to become harder and harder for you to be a smoker and an attractive boyfriend/friend/employee, etc. You're young. This is the best time to give it a try. Good luck.
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Is kiss me kate a dramatic show? or is comedic?? (link)
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Comedy.
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like when yhu wipe yourself and it is brownish redish? (link)
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Its just older blood making its way out. Most women have clotting and brown blood during their periods.
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does anyone know of any reliable webistes, or stores in australia where i can buy some spongebob slippers, for my girlfriend as a joke kind of thing between us, that wont rip me off or anything like that, i need some that are like the ones off of the start of daddy day care, when the little kid gets up and puts them on,haha well she loves spongebob and said she wanted to get a pair, so im gunna try to get her some, so any help would be much appreciated,
thanks (link)
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Try Amazon.com or ebay.
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18 year old male
i've been with my girlfriend for about more than 4 months.. our relationship have been on and off for a while and recently we broke up. But today she stopped by my house and it surprised me and she wanted to be close to me.. she didnt tell me she was going to stop by or anything, she walked home from work which isnt too far from our neighborhood and she said that she wants me, but the problem is out of the 2 weeks that we've been away i've been working my way to get out of her grasp, because we keep breaking each other's heart.. i hate going back and forth like this because i want to have a stable life. one side of me is screaming to have her but another side of me is wanting to pull away.. it affects my school work and my mood. (link)
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I think you have your answer. You seem to already know what the right thing to do is. And you'll do well to remember throughout the rest of your life that the RIGHT thing to do is rarely the EASY thing to do.
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17 f
im sorry if its a little long its a long story but i would apreciate it if u guys read the whole thing. ok so about a month ago i met a really cute 20 yea old guy. he asked me to hang out alot of times but i wasnt able to. this saturday night i was able to and we met up at his house. i asked my sister (whose 20 yrs old also) to take me. so she took me and i was at his house just talking we did makeout like once and by the time i got home i was already totally hooked on this guy. he seemed like a good guy. so sunday rolled around and he asked me to hang out and i brought my sister and cousins. we went bowling then to a cafe. i was really nervous and never spoke muh but i noticed him and my sister spoke alot and my ousin even told her that he might like her. in the end the date was horrible me and him barely spoke i got mad and didnt even bother speaking to him. when i got home i felt bad and called him he said it was ok and i thanked hm for paying for bowling and the dinner. so the next day (morning) my sister told me that she didnt trust him at all, he looked like a player and he had 80 something unread messages on his phone. he was also really paranoid about it and didnt want anyone seeing it. i found that weird and knew i couldnt trust. ok so monday my sister goes out says its with her friends and i stay home. i texted the guy (nate) and called him he didnt answer. my sister gets home with a hickey. i asked her where she got it from she said it was her ex. which they still talk and im pretty sure she still has feelings for him.(her ex).next day one of nates friends whose very nice called me and said did you know where your sister was last night? i asked her she said it wasnt what i was thinking. she said her and my cousin (whose 24) made a plan to see if they can trust him. she said he had texted her that night and asked her to hang out and she said she went to see how far he would go. and that she was only trying to protect me.she said to forgive her and that they went to watch a movie as friends and he invited her inside then tap kissed her and started giving her a hickey she said she got mad and left. and my older cousin (whose very protective of me) said not to tell me anything becuase they wanted to tell me together about nate. heres what i dont understand. that night she told me to lets make a plan but i said NO becuase i didnt want to find out atleast not now if he was a player. they went behind my back and did this trick yes offcourse im never talking to him again but what do i do about her? everytime i look at her i see them making out. thats not right she knew how much i liked him.i knew he couldnt be trusted and yes it hurts becuase i really liked him but i am more hurt becuase of my sister. she said she was only trying to protect her and to forgive her she didnt mean for it to go that far but once he was so close she couldnt stop. she admitted to being wrong and asked for forgiveness. i cant. i dont find it in my heart right now to forgiv her i feel betryaed, eventhough she said she was trying to help me. i was sos tupid i was the one trying to help me get rid of that hickey so my parents dont see it. i have t admitt when she got home she started crying, and was paranoid. i dotn know why she did this she was my best friend and was always there for me. i didnt want to know if he was a player atelast not now, and not this way. i cant stop crying all i can think about is them making out. and her hickey. this wasmonday night and that hickey is still there and she said it was like a 3 sec thing and she knew she was doing wrong and left. but she is a little dark skin that hickey wouldve nevr been that bad, if it was 3secs would it have? should i forgive her? i feel so desperate betrayed i spoke to my cousin she said that they were only trying to help me. i can get that image out o my head though. im crying as im typing this sorry i just needed to let it all out. please help? i spoke to my cousin she said that they were planning on telling me together on thursday, thats why my sister didnt say anything to me. i told my sis you couldve gone and made the plan but as soon as he was leaning in to kiss you you shouldve backed off. she keeps apologizing and saying everyone makes mistake. but she keeps saying shes not sorry for doing the plan becuase she didnt want me to be hurt in the end. well how does she think i feel now? its worse now becuase its her she meant everything to me. .
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Your sister is still young. Young people can do stupid things. We all have. Its just a part of life. I would chalk this up to a dumb thing that your sister did and do your best to forgive her. She was wrong. She knew you liked this guy and she went out with him anyway, (even if it was just a trick). It hurt you, and it wasn't fair, but I believe you when you say you are best friends. That's something very special. Don't let it be ruined by a dumb mistake. Sit her down and tell her how hurt you are and how betrayed you feel. Let her know you think what she did was wrong and its left you crying and feeling bad for days. Then give her a hug and tell her you forgive her (even if you don't feel very forgiving at that moment). Every time you start to get upset thinking about it, remind yourself that you forgive her. In time it will get easier and the two of you will have an even stronger relationship than before.
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two nights ago i developed a stye and now it's so swollen that i can't open my eye.it on the bottom part of my top eyelid. i've read that the only thing i can do is wait it out and put warm washcloths on it but i don't think it's doing anything. i stayed home today and i missed a final tomorrow if i stay home i will miss two, and three in total. i don't know what to do and i need help fast. (link)
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sounds like pink eye. Try applying a cold, wet tea bag off and on. Good luck!
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Hi,
I'm asking this on behalf of a friend who is unsure of what to do.
He's getting a divorce from a woman who cheated on him and carried a baby for nine months saying it was his before kicking him out of their house and telling him it isn't.
The lawyer she hired is a pro bono lawyer and is putting a lot of pressure on him to sign a document before tomorrow at 3 PM.
There's nothing really to fight over, but he's concerned that the lawyer is not making things fair for him.
He makes about $15 an hour, works full time, and is being asked to pay $600 a month in child support plus half of medical and all court costs.
There's no property to fight over. He's been paying money to what they both agreed was fair for child support. He's still paying for a credit card debt she racked up since before they were married. He's been agreeing to pay it off just so his soon to be ex wouldn't pressure more money from him.
He doesn't mind paying money to his kids. He pays more now, but doing it yourself and being forced to on paper and so on makes it feel unfair to him.
I'm not looking to get in the middle (I know I am since I'm asking for advice), but I wanted some tips on if I might suggest calling lawyers or if this sounds fair and it isn't of any use to fight this. He doesn't want to stir the pot and pay more out for a lawyer when it won't do any good. Any tips from divorced dads on this case?
Would just like to get some outside opinions on this situation and maybe what to expect. Thanks! (link)
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He needs paternity test, ASAP, no matter what the cost! If the baby is his, then, as unfair as it may sound, he is responsible to pay as much as the court deems. However, if he is not the father, he is not responsible for anything beyond what he chooses to be and he can save himself $600/month. Seems worth it in the face of whatever a paternity test costs. Get the test. NOW!
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Hey
So in 2009 there were several instances(no more than 3 or 4) where Id have this strong odor down there. Last sunday it happened again and now, a week later its still the same. Well i have sex a lot, safe to say everyday if not every other. (yes with the same person lol) What could this be? I was never really concerned before because I just accepted the fact that its probably just something it does every now and then. The odor never lasts more than 2 weeks or anything so i dont know exactly what it could be. If anyone knows what it could be please let me know. (link)
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You don't specify what the odor is like. Is it foul? Rotton? Sweet-smelling? Is there any discharge with it? I ask because I had a problem like this many years ago. I had a horrible smell, it smelled almost rotten, and I would also have a cloudy discharge that would come and go. I was worried until I realized that I only experienced it when I was in very stressful situations. It was my body reacting to the stress, and at that time I was really going through some tough things. It passed once the pressure eased up. If you're having a stressful time in your life it might be related to that. If you have a discharge that is milky, or changes colors, you need to see a doctor. It couldn't hurt to see a doctor anyway, just to be safe. Most likely its no big deal, but better safe than sorry, right?
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im 16.f, and my sisters 18.f. She is now dating a guy who is 26, just got out of jail for drug possession and he was previously accused of murder, but there was "reasonable doubt" so they didnt convict him, and was kicked out of his house. He is a drug dealer without a real job..yet my mother lets him sleepover, EVEN THOUGH ive talked to her about it many times, nad told her he scares me and i cant sleep when hes here. I also hear them having sex at night and thats just disgusting. I really need help because i dont feel safe at night with him here. Please, i need some help. My dad doesnt live with us anymore, and ive tried talking to my sister and my mom but they dont listen to me. (link)
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This sounds awful. Your mother is completely wrong here and her disregard for your feelings and your safety is astounding. Its obvious you're not going to get any help from your Mom (so sorry for that. That's her job!) so you're going to have to grow up a little faster than you should and make some decisions. First thing you need to do is come up with a list of options. What can you do to keep yourself safe in this situation? Can you stay with someone else temporarily? Dad? Relatives? Close friends? Can you talk to your Dad about this and see if he can talk some sense to your Mom? Can you talk to a school counsellor or trusted adult? You do have one last option. Its extreme and I recommend using it only as a last resort, but you can call Child Protection Services and tell them your situation. Keep in mind that if you do this it may result in you being removed to foster care, or your mother being put under investigation. If you do decide to call them, ask them if they can keep your call anonymous, that way no one has to know it was you that made the call. It could help you avoid trouble with your sister down the road. Whatever you decide to do, just know that the situation you are being forced to endure is dangerous. When your sister brings that man into your house, she also brings all his problems in as well. What if someone were to show up there looking for him someday, what if they had a gun? Your mother is allowing him to bring all of the danger and uncertainty that must follow him around every day into your house and it puts everyone in there at risk. Your intuition is telling you this is a dangerous situation, and you are wise to listen to it. So, take your own situation into your own hands and do your best to find a solution for yourself. If they want to wallow in their own misery and stupid decisions, I guess thats their business. No need to drag you into too, though. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Find someone you trust, preferably a stable adult with a stable family, and maybe they can talk with you and give you some clarity on this situation. But its not fair you should have to deal with this on your own. Your mother sounds terribly selfish and unreasonable. You sound like the only sane one in that house. I hope everything works out for you.
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i'm really thinking about going down south for college. (i live in ct right now) the reasons for this is because my boyfriend, the love of my life who i've been dating for the past 3 years broke up with me...i've been hurt in my life but this time i was completely broken. what makes it even harder for me is knowing that he's going through depression. he's become suicidal because of his parents getting divorced and his mom cheating. i feel absolutely terrible and i told him i'd always be there for him. however things are hard because he lives a half hour away from me but he knows he can talk to me, and he does. i feel bad saying this but his depression has kind of rubbed of on me. i've been having suicidal dreams lately and i'm not happy where i am. i hate the cold and i hate the life i'm living right now. i'm just not happy. things remind me of him and how we used to be so happy together. i think that maybe if i go to school down south i can start a whole new life and i won't be reminded of me and my ex being together as much. i will still be his friend and i'll still talk to him and be there for him but i need to start something new. i want a new life and i want to be happy. and i love beaches and warm weather. do you think i should go? (link)
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Have you ever heard that old saying " Sometimes a change is as good as a rest". Go for it. Maybe this is your body telling you that you need a change. If you hate it, move back. But at least you'll know that you tried something different and it wasn't for you. But if you love it, you'll always be proud of yourself for taking the risk. And sometimes that's just the thing to help get over a broken heart. Have fun, try new things, and enjoy the beach!
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I really don’t believe that posting this or any other problem on the net will REALLY help, cos either way, I’m gonna feel the same etc..
But I’m trying to do anything here, maybe ranting to strangers will help, I don’t know!
I don’t want any sympathy, I JUST WANT HELP. I’m sure you get a lot of posts like this here but please don’t give me cliche lines like ‘things will get better’ , ‘You’ll feel better in time’ or ‘You have people who care about you’ …..It will be a waste of your time.
If anyone does have any suggestions that genuinely will help, then I’d really appreciate that..
I am beyond the point of feeling bad…I’m just completely past it. I feel like RUBBISH absolute rubbish EVERY SINGLE DAY. I went through some crappy depressive periods as a teen,a ll of which I got over, but this is unbearable.
I think really bad thoughts, about just ending it, ending everything, which results in me feeling really selfish, and I feel horrible for even considering doing something like that to the few people who care about me…..I mean, I’ve even gone to the lengths of planning the whole thing out, where it would happen, how it would happen, what I’ll say to people I’ll leave behind. It’s gone to the extent that, anything I say, or things other people say, stick in my head and I think, ‘I wonder will they remember me saying this and see it as something more when I’m gone’ or people say something completely innocent and in my mind, there’s only one thing it can relate to, and that’s thinking about how I’ll finish myself off..
In one way I don’t want to be a coward and just give up on life and take the easy way out, when many people have it worse, but I honestly cannot help it, there are some days when I come SO close to doing something, I actually really genuinely scare myself. I don’t talk to other people, and I won’t. I’m not that kind of person, I know you’re probably gonna say ‘It will help to get it off your chest’, well, that’s why I’m doing it here. I cannot talk to people, even the people that I used to be absolute best friends with, I barely talk to anymore.
At that, even WHEN I talk to them (or anyone) I act really, really happy.. Like TOO happy, I just have too put it on so much cos I never, ever feel like talking to anyone, or participating in things that everyone else loves doing I just, I know it’s really sad, but this is something that I cannot help, despite trying for years… I’m always the one that laughs the loudest, and seems to be having the most fun, when I really have to just..stop myself from crying and really try and seem happy, when I feel like **** inside.
I don’t wanna go all depressive cliche here but I have to be as honest as I can so, sorry.
Every tiny thing pisses me off, and since I’m never happy and I fake being happy SO much, that every now and again I just snap and can’t pretend anymore and then everyone’s like, why are you sad, you’re always so happy…
I always pass it off as just ‘a bad mood’ or ‘one of those days’ and no one knows that I feel like this ALL THE TIME. Everything irritates me, I get angry at everything, I can barely stand ANYONE I know anymore, not even my family.
I just feel like I want to be away from everyone, and I feel almost jealous when someone else talks about their problems to me, cos I know I can never do that… I know that’s irrational …. but so is a lot of this.
I just feel crap, and I’m fed up of going through the extremes of faking to be really ecstatic every day, and then really, really depressed the rest of the time.
I genuinely feel like I can’t do it anymore.
I don’t fear for myself as much as I used to, there has been times (one in particular) where I really felt like I was going to end my life, I felt like I had to.
But I didn’t, I got over the absolute extreme of it, and back to feeling extremely glum every day, rather than suicidal.
But now and then, I feel it coming back. That feeling creeps back in sometimes, and I do things to take my mind off it but nothing does.
I’m safe for now, but I do know for a fact that someday, the one ending my own life will be me.
For now, I just needed to let this all out somewhere….You can judge all you want, it won’t bother me.
Thanks for reading all this, any of you that are and sorry it’s so long and probably going to put a downer on you all, but that’s what this place is for I guess..I also apologise if some of this is uncomprehendable, I kinda just typed whatever came to my mind so..
Another thing, this isn’t OVER anything, there isn’t any major events that may have triggered this, in the past few years I’ve gone through about six funerals, all of very close friends/ family, and I got through it. It isn’t because of that, or the fact that I don’t get on with some people. It’s not over some stupid guy that dumped me, like a lot of the posts I see here, I’m not that naive.. So don’t ask if there’s anything that could have triggered this, I’m just like this for no appearant reason, and have been for many, many years…It’s just, the last few months it’s gotten way, way worse to the point all the above is happening… I mean, today, I feel pretty down, but compared to what I usually feel, this is normal for me. I haven’t felt like going out, or talking to anyone, and this is one of the good days.
I’m fine right now, but I KNOW for an absolute fact that if I don’t do something, I’m gonna be back where I was a few weeks ago, planning my own end, thinking about how it will happen, thinking about how much I want it to happen.
I don’t want to be like that, I don’t WANT it to happen that way.
I can feel myself getting like that again sometimes, and I NEED to do something, before it gets too late, not to sound dramatic or anything, but that’s literally how it is. Please don't suggest going to the doctor or anything cos it isn't really an option for me, besides the fact that I'm not comfortable about going on medication so early in my life, I don't want to depend on drugs to stay happy for the rest of my life..
Anyway, I’ll leave it at that.. Thanks in advance for help.
Signed,
Desperate :’( (link)
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You are experiencing depression. I've gone through this myself. I understand EXACTLY what you mean. I used to feel like such a fake because I would act happy and content with friends and family, but inside I was dying. I never really felt like myself. I didn't even know who my real self was. I used to dream about running away and just being alone for a while, but then I realized I'd still be with ME, and that was the main issue. I rarely went out, or made plans to go out because I never knew how I would feel. It was hard to plan anything with friends when I didn't know if I'd be in the pits on a Friday night or not. I used a lot of excuses in those days to get out of plans and get-togethers. Its hard to tell people because you don't know how to express what you're feeling out loud, and because deep down you're afraid of being ridiculed or talked down to, or afraid that you'll get the "pep talks". I know. I've been there. I wallowed in it for years before one day I finally said to myself, enough is enough. I need to get help if I ever want to have a real, normal life. What most people don't get is that depression isn't something you can smile away or wish away or decide not to do. Its serious and people who've never experienced it don't understand. You need outside help. You need a therapist or a counsellor. I don't know if you have access to anything like that. If you're young, maybe talk to the school counsellor or nurse. If you're older, start by asking for a referral from your family doctor (not sure how the health care system works where you are, here we see whoever we want but pay for it ourselves or through insurance). In any event, you need to actively seek a professional to talk to. You'll be amazed at how much just talking to an objective party can help. It can help you get to the root of where all this comes from. I went to therapy for a year, and after that time I was able to quit. I never had to take drugs, thankfully, and I was able to find a way out of my depression. I still have my bad days but I know how to handle them now and I feel better because I know they won't last. You can get better. I'm living proof. You don't have to live with this forever, but you have to take the steps yourself, and reaching out for advice is a great start! Good luck. I know you can do this, and you'll feel so much relief once you do.
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