A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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I am a victim of long term sexual abuse. I won't go into details but I experience flashbacks on a daily basis I need help. I have gone to women aide but it was not helpful. Does anyone know of a counselor in the Plymouth Mass area who can help me cope and stop the flashbacks? Thank you in advance. (link)
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http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ppc/state/MA/Plymouth.html
There's 12 to get you started. Psychologytoday is a good general resource for you, but it lets you contact your potential therapist directly. You need a serious therapist, there are as in any line of work great and terrible therapists. If you get offered proscriptions and ignored, move on to someone else, try to find someone you can talk to who listens. If you are in college you can go to your campus student medical office and they might well have some help, if you're in high school consider a school counselor as a leg up to finding someone serious to talk to.
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Alright well this guy ask me to come over, and im 13, and then when i got there we went to his room , and layed down were not goin out , and were watching grudge. then he turned me over and we started to make out, he started to feel me up over clothes, then under my bra, he also fingerd me. Were still not dating, did he use me? he also wants to hang again should i ? HELP ME (link)
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You aren't a slut. Sluts have to have some conception of what's really going on to willingly take part.
To answer your direct question, yes, you were used a little bit.
You're too young. If a guy starts making out with you and feeling you up, stop him. Tell him that you're not cool with that and do not let him continue.
We try as a society to shield kids your age from sexuality, but the stark truth is 13 year olds have to deal with adult sexual situations on a regular basis.
Neither you, nor the guys your age (and older) are prepared for this. Teenaged guys just want to get laid. They don't care how, it's just an elemental drive for sex caused by hormones. They don't get that girls needs and wants are often different, and so when you go ahead and don't stop them they assume you want the same things they do, hence what happened.
You know you're not ready for this kind of thing. Speak up from now on, and don't make out or anything else with guys you're just hanging out with. I realize you're a little young for dating and thus can't really do much of anything, but that is kinda the point here.
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I know this older guy and he's hit on me before but he also treats me like as if i'm his little sister or something. At first I thought he was a gentleman (he would walk me back to my place even if it was far away just because he wanted to make sure I was safe) but then it started to get kinda crazy. I live downtown in a big city, and now he wants me not to go out unless I'm with somebody. I understand his worry, but it was noon in bright daylight on one of the busiest streets in the city. He also lectures me if i lie to my parents or anything like that and i kinda get the feeling that he thinks it would be better if i just stayed home and never go out because when I do stay home he tells me that he thinks it's good for me not to go out. He says that he thinks I shouldn't go out unless I'm with a group of friends cuz there will probably be more guys like him (much older) hitting on me other than him, and i understand where he's coming from on that one, and I'm flattered that he cares about my safety but I wish he would relax just a little bit. I don't even know him that well yet even. I do know that he's attracted to me but when we hung out when he was talking it was like a half lecture/half flirt. He was talking about how i should dress younger (i don't dress revealing.. i know when some people say "she dresses older" they immediately think low cut tops) and at the same time will tell me how sexy/pretty he thinks i am and look. Oh and even though he doesn't like me going out, he still does ask me to meet up with him. Anyways how do I get him to realize that for the most part I can take care of myself? He actually worries about me more than my parents do. He chases after me when I wanna do something by without him I kinda have a small crush on him even though that's probably really wrong and I want to continue our friendship (he doesn't know) but today I got a bit mad at him for treating me like I'm 10. W are both 16 and Im not immature either. I think i'm more mature than the kids in my school they don't take education serious, I don't goof off, I make good grades and Im in the top 10 % of my class. I tell him to stop treating me like a baby and he doesnt listen.How do I get him to stop treating me like a kid?
(link)
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Everything Rahzie said is correct. He's a manipulative "nice guy" who probably expects his "older brother" routine to win your respect, admiration, obedience, and later probably sex.
He's "protecting you" from people who could interfere with his mission to have you worship and love him.
Run. Fast. And Far.
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19/f, Do most girls not like giving blow jobs? I am really just curious because I love love love LOVE to give my boyfriend head, so I cant relate. I am just wondering exactly how lucky is my boyfriend? :P (link)
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Oral sex was illegal in alot of states in the 50s. Sexually liberated attitudes are slowly receding after a couple of millenia of shame and disgust.
Our parents generation were taught that it was a dirty, degrading act. Our generation is the first to grow up in more moderate attitudes in a long time, and more and more people are finding such things acceptable and desirable in their personal lives.
It's a growing trend. There are plenty of people who have personal reasons going one way or another, but on the whole the fact that it's much more acceptable means that plenty more people are getting to try it for the first time on healthy terms these days.
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My boyfriend and I have been having sex for the past week. I let him cum inside me every time because of something he told me before. I mentioned this to my friend and she told me that he lied.
If you pee right after you have sex can you still get pregnant? My boyfriend told me that a girl who pees directly after intercourse can NOT get pregnant no matter what because everything is released into the toilet then and is like washed away. It sounded very convincing when he said it but when I was telling my friend it kind of sounded like he was just using me and that I'm stupid. What's the truth? (link)
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Urine comes out of the urethra. Sex happens in your vagina. They are completely separate and peeing does not flush anything through the vagina.
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Hello im 19/f and my husband is in the national guards. He volunteered to go to Afghanistan for 10 months which he is now realizing is a stupid idea no matter how much they're going to pay him. Is there any way he can get out of it without getting a dishonorable discharge from the army? Any suggestions on what he can/should do? Thanks everyone
Ashley (link)
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Probably not. He's already in and his verbal agreement is enough that he's essentially been "ordered" there now.
I'm not kidding when I say he'll be leaving the country one way or another. If he agreed to go, he's not going to be allowed to back out as hard as they're trying to get anyone over there. If he goes AWOL there are serious criminal consequences, if he disobeys orders he will end up dishonorably discharged, doubly so because he volunteered. That part means any military court would come down on him like the wrath of God.
They offer good pay to get people to make the exact decision he just made. Throw enough money at a bad idea and it can look like a good one for people who need a little more income.
He should talk to any superiors he has that he has any trust in. Any friends. He can obviously request to go back on the volunteer thing, but more than likely they're going to say no. The best shot he'd have is being buddy buddy with a superior officer who could help him get out of it somehow. The Armed Forces runs on Taxes, MRE's, and ass kissing. There are many questions which can be answered with "how well do your superiors like you". I don't know the system enough to say whether he can or will find some help there, but it's worth a shot at least.
But be prepared, there might well be nothing that can be done. I'd not be surprised if they made it that way, for exactly this reason.
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Okay, so. My boyfriend and I went to middle school together and we have always been friends. We not have been together for a little over 7 months and are as happy as can be. The problem is, our families move alot and we both moved at the same time and are a few thousand miles apart. Even though we have lasted for this long, do you think it could last longer?
Him and I have already talked about marriage and are basically engaged but any advice on anything would be grateful. (link)
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My wife and I did distance for two years in the midst of our relationship. Anything is possible.
Be aware though, that we got to see each other at least once a month. Less than that, maintaining any real feelings of being connected to the other person is very difficult. I was dealing with a few hundred miles, a few thousand makes a good bit of difference there. We were also old enough to see each other, and I don't know if either of you is old enough to be able to travel.
Something you might want to consider. If you realize you can't do distance on either side, you need to have a frank talk about it. People you've known can have a wierd way of coming back into your life when you want them too. In the long run it might turn out to be a better idea to break up and maintain a friendship, and if life ever puts the two of you in the same places to try it out again. Because if you try and fail to be together the rift there will probably be pretty permanent.
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I'm so tired of people seeing me as a toy, and of me letting them treat me like shit. My last bf broke up with me and told me he saw me as a doll. A small pretty girl that let him "play" whenever he wanted. And was more liked when she wasn't talking. Teachers have even told me to "rely on my looks" or "marry rich". I try hard in school... I don't know what I do that makes people see me this way... I know I'm not a naturally assertive person but is that really why I'm getting treated like this?? I don't understand... How can I get people to take me seriously? How can I get a back bone? (link)
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Not enough real information to give you more than just a cursory, general answer.
As far as what makes people see you this way, all it really takes is above average beauty and your lack of assertiveness. I saw small thrown in there, toy has that connotation, and straight up people will often assume that those who don't speak up probably have nothing worthwhile to say.
For some basic advice, let's throw out some assertive tips.
- Speak up. Shy people often speak more quietly so as to be less of an intrusion into a situation. Speak up, make sure whatever you say is easily heard by those you're talking to.
- Straighten your shoulders. Bad posture is common, and broadcasts things about your state of mind. Shoulders back and stand or sit up straight more often. Especially when you're talking to someone.
- Look people in the eye. You can get a good read off of people and you can send your own messages of the gravity of the situation by looking someone in the eyes.
That's the best I can come up with for now. If you'd like to chat more, drop me a message, preferably with a good bit more information than you've posted thusfar. Anything you can remember, think is important, or want to express.
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What would you say are the three biggest mistakes you made in college your freshman year? (link)
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Not getting enough sleep, trying to work and go to school, and a severe caffeine addiction.
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i'm 19, going into my sophomore year of college. last month me and my best friend/roommates got citations for minor in possession of alcohol. we were on private property and all blew low [i blew a .007] and it was our first offense so we were praying to get some leniency but didn't. anyway we went to court 2 days ago, pled guilty, and now have fines and 6 months probation with alcohol classes & drug/alcohol tests. our PO is supposed to talk to the judge about the first offender plea to try to help us out and clear this from our record. we've realized our wrongs, have not drank since and dont plan on it. what i'm worried about now is this staying on my record and interfering with my future. ironically im in school studying criminal justice/forensics. it's a misdemeanor charge, but regardless will i even have a shot at my desired career with this on my record? like i said its my first offense so i really have no idea what to expect or think. can anyone give a little insight on this?
we live in Georgia if it matters. thanks! (link)
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MIP is a misdemeanor. In 6 months when you're off probation, no one will give a damn.
You already screwed up. You don't pray for leniency, you go for deferred adjudication. You plead no contest, do some community service, pay fines, and it's gone shortly thereafter and is not considered a "conviction"
But you've plead guilty, that part's behind you.
MIP likely won't interfere with anything.
You did get screwed. I got poss/marijuana a few years back (misdemeanor, but in Texas it's a "worse" misdemeanor than MIP) and I got it dismissed with 6 months probation and the same stuff you got, but it is not a conviction or guilty plea on my record which is why I had to do probation anyway instead of just paying a fine.
You got a guilty AND probation. That's what happens when you walk in and throw yourself on the mercy of the court.
Consider it a life lesson. Like everyone else, the justice system is out to make money by enforcing laws, not to protect you or anyone else. Consider that the next time you feel like trusting anyone in law enforcement is a good idea. They self perpetuate by taking money and time away from people like you who walk in expecting to be treated fairly.
By the time you have a career you won't be a minor anymore, and no one will care that you got caught drinking when you were 19 and in college. No one will be surprised, except to possibly judge you as dumb for getting caught in the first place. You've got nothing much to worry about.
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I made the horrible mistake of having sex, the even worse mistake was we didn't use a condom. He told me he'd pull out, but didn't. He said it was just too hard to stop. Asshole, I know.
My last period started July 6th, and ended around the 12th-13th. I think the 12th. I have about a 24-26 day cycle. Would I be ovulating right now? I think I'm supposed to be today or within the next couple of days.
Also, I heard sperm lives inside of you ffor 3-5 days, and I think I'll be ovulating within that time but I'm not sure. Is it true that it lives inside of you for 3-5 days, and even if I wasn't ovulating today when it happened, if I am within those 3-5 days, could I get pregnant?
Basically, I'd really appreciate it if you could answer these questions for me:
1. Am I ovulating today or within the next few days?
2. Is it true it lives inside of me for 3-5 days?
3. If I start ovulating within that time, can I become pregnant?
4. Are the chances that I'm pregnant low or high?
I made such a stupid mistake, but there's nothing I can do now so please no rude comments.
And thank you so much to anyone who answers my question. (link)
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It's possible, but not overly likely.
Most women ovulate during the third week after their period, might be at the beginning or the end of that week. The website lists 12-21 days after your last period began. 21 days from the 6th would put you almost in August before you ovulate again, 12 would put you at the 18th.
12 is alot less common, by and large most women ovulate right around the 14th day after their cycle ends. Sperm can survive up to a week.
That calculator gave anywhere from August 1st to the 15th of this month. With a 26 day cycle you might want to consider obtaining Plan B.
I don't think Chakra is correct. By normal female functioning you shouldn't be ovulating anytime soon, but as the website says it can vary as much as 10 days between women and be on a different day for any one specific woman every single month.
Get plan B. Use condoms. Never talk to the asshole again. Pray. You've got good odds but the odds can let anyone down.
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I'm 18 and my bf is 19, we are planning on getting married, is it the right thing to do? (link)
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Don't marry him. Date him, be with him, go to school, you don't need to marry this young to be together and move forward.
11 months is soon. Especially at your age. You're both going to be a different person every year until you're 30. Give yourselves time to grow, because if you put the pressure of marriage on it now when you're 23 you could end up being divorced simply because you put too much pressure on yourselves.
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I'm a 39 year old male who thinks about sex all the time I'm married but sex with her is a rare thing her sex drive is just not there so I look at other women even though nothing happens I find myself wondering what I would do if I. Slept with this woman or that woman fanticising about it I even look at porn from time to time because I have a high sexdrive I think if my wife would love me enough to make out with me from time to time I would be the way I am or maybe she's cheating on me who knowes but I do know its not rigtht but what can I do iv talked to her plenty of times about my needs I. Work 2 jobs my money goes to the bank what elese am I missing I tell her how sexy she is how I love her but I get nothing can someone help me please (link)
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It needs to be addressed. Don't be too hesitant to bring up couples therapy if she doesn't agree that there is a problem.
Sex is part of intimacy between two people married such as yourselves. I know my wife had issues with sex drive because of her birth control and we've had to find alternate methods because where she was when we met once a day or more she dropped to once a month, and going back off the pills she's back where she started.
Not feeling wanted is a serious problem, especially for someone of high sex drive. Even an extensive porn habit won't do anything to counter the feelings that your partner isn't really attracted to you anymore and feeling like the spark is gone.
I would say talk to her but you already have, and you used the word "needs" which tells me that you've sent the exact message you need to and nothing has changed.
Couples therapy is your next step. This is not a choice. You are not happy, and none of us are professionals who can walk you through fixing it. You need someone who can get into the issues present between the two of you and help you figure them out.
Be prepared. This may not be fixable. My wife and I went through some rough times, when her sex drive was depressed from hormonal BC she treated me something like a burden. She didn't want it, and the fact that I did was mostly inconvenient.
I had to put the end of our relationship in front of her. Not as a threat, but as an end I was trying to avoid and needed her help on. I loved her, but I wasn't going to stay in a relationship which did not meet my needs.
Your needs aren't being met. I don't know if hers are. You need to see a couple's therapist to help you figure out if there is common ground you can meet on, or if there's a canyon there that is now impassable.
If she's pre-menopausal and on hormonal BC, look into that too. That COULD be your problem.
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By late teens, I mean 18/19 (please only answer if you are this age). So, I've got some questions:
* If you knew a girl was a virgin, would it put you off sleeping with her? Yes/no? And why?
* If you previously thought a girl was quite experienced, only to find out she was actually a virgin (not because she lied, just what you thought) what would you think of her? Would it be a good or bad reaction?
* If a girl was a virgin, would you want to know?
* Would you prefer a girl who was a virgin or a girl who was experienced?
And anything else you want to add.
Please be completely honest. After all, it's anonymous and I'm asking because I want real, honest answers.
Thanks, x (link)
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Guys prefer girls who are comfortable with who and what they are, as opposed to girls who overthink things and try to be something they aren't (always transparent) because they think it'll make a better impression.
Virginity is what it is. If you make a big deal about it, the guy is going to be forced to make a big deal out of it too. If you don't, at least guy has the option.
Just tell people you haven't met the right guy yet and leave it at that.
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I'm thinking about studying to be a psychiatrist. I think psychology is SO interesting and I think it's fascinating how the human mind works, etc etc etc.
But I'm not great with people. I suck at small talk. I'm just SO awkward around people I don't / barely know.
So does being a psychiatrist require one to be a people person? Or is there some branch in the field that doens't? (link)
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Not necessarily. The main branch which requires some degree of people interaction on a very regular basis is clinical psychiatry. This is the therapy/diagnosis part of the spectrum where you meet people and help them with their issues. It is, however, almost entirely one on one.
There's more than psychiatry (the specific dealing with mental illness) to psychology though.
Psychiatrist is exactly what you think it is, but there's also clinical psychologist. Psychiatrist is actually a M.D. You can proscribe medicine and have to go through medical school. Psychologists can just get a specific doctorate in psychology, and this is the general therapy area. Group counseling is an example of psychological therapy, the psychologist specializes more in applying skills to life and self discovery where someone has issues which do not require medication. Marital counseling is another example of this, where they're not likely going to be giving out xanex for a condition, yet there is a need for a professional who understands how people work to guide a couple to some insights they can't reach on their own.
There's also applications like profiling, which would be much less people-based. Profiling is a less common career, but not unheard of.
There's also experimental psychology. This is the generally least people interaction focused, because your role here is an observer who is outside the goings on. This is the area where new discoveries are made, people study and hypothesize and test. The work can be interesting, you do research to try to better understand the mind, but often such a position is either linked to work in psychiatry with patients, or linked to a teaching career at a university.
Teaching is, of course, another avenue.
A side comment before I go. Don't be so quick to label who and what you are. You're obviously young, probably under 20. You're thinking about small talk as an example, but that's not what it would be like for you. Small talk is people trying to relate to, understand, and like each other on equal footing. Being a doctor with the knowledge and experience to help people is quite another. When you have learned all of the things you need to know, you will be an authority on the kind of interactions we're talking about. It won't be an intimidating possibility, it's a situation where you're confident in your abilities and information and are using them to aid someone who's come to you for help.
Alot easier to do what needs to be done when you know what you're doing. Don't write it off just because you've got some shy tendencies.
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hey my name is evan im 15/m
girls i just want to know why do you hit guys in the junk? im 15 and it happens to me all the time from girls and guys. i see no reason for it. it makes us feel sick. and it hurts like hell. is it funny to you to see us men in pain or hear our voices crack and get high from it? or make us cry? why would you do that to people? i would never hit a girl so why would you hit me? you have no idea how much it hurts to get punched in the nuts. do u think that just because im a man i deserve to be in that much pain? (link)
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Mostly because you let them, probably. Some people enjoy tormenting others who can't or won't do anything about it.
Every time I've had a guy hit me in the nuts, it's been an eye for an eye. If a guy can punch you in the nuts and not get in trouble, chances are you could manage the same. Self defense so far as I'm concerned.
Girls are easy to stop. You just don't let them get you there. You don't have to hit a girl to stop her from hurting you. That's what arm locks are for.
Take Ellie below. She's a bit of an arrogant dick who thinks she's entitled to punching you somewhere sensitive because she's a girl and thinks's she's a grown up because she's got two years on you.
In Ellie's situation, your best bet would be to grab the offending arm and lock it behind her. You don't have to hurt her, just hold it there until she settles down. Think of it like bull riding, the goal is not to get gored. Most girls know nothing of grappling or effective fighting, so a non painful arm lock is sufficient to embarrass the hell out of them publicly. Just laugh a little because they're not strong enough to break the hold and ask them if they're done, offer to stand there and hold their arm until they are.
Nothing infuriates an arrogant woman like helplessness. You're trying to be a gentleman. That's good around girls who are receptive (ladies) but not all women are ladies. When you meet a girl who's wants to play like one of the boys and hide behind being a girl to avoid retaliation, play like one of the girls and humiliate her publicly.
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I am a fifteen year old girl and one of my very very best friends is a boy who is sixteen. No. I don't like him. He has always been there for me. He used to be my boyfriends bff but when me and my bf broke up I kind of took him with me... teehee :). Anyway, even when I was dating my ex, my guy friend and I were super close. We tell eachother everything. But I feel like our relationship is sooo weird. Cuz we hold hands and cuddle and I sit in his lap and what not and we flirt with eachother sometimes but we never kiss or anything. We're just really touchy and flirty friends? Haha. But we both like different people. The guy I like right now doesn't really liike the kind of relationship me and my guyfriend have and I guess I can't blame him. I'm not really sure how my ex was ever okay with it... But I dunno, we've always done this. Is it weird?? It doesn't feel that weird to me when we do it but it sounds weird haha I don't know! I wanna make things work with this new guy. He knows I don't like my guyfriend he's just not comfortable with us being so touchy... What do I do? I feel like the touching is just part of our friendship... (link)
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:Edit:
Older people can't help but look down a little bit. We've been around longer, and we know more.
Someday, you'll look back on your life and laugh about how many stupid things you assumed you knew everything there is to know about. This is going to be one of those things.
You aren't a guy. We don't work the same way. There is no way in hell this kid spends that much time around you without attraction forming. It's how men's brains work. And if he's under 20 he's not going to be mature or life experienced enough to do anything but go with it and hide it. Every fifteen year old girl with a BFF who dotes on and cuddles with her thinks she's a unique snowflake and that her situation is exactly as she imagines it.
You're a statistic sweetheart. Sorry. You said the things I said are stupid but the truth is that you've got no basis for saying that, no experience to tell you what's real except your own.
There is something you don't know about him. Either he's gay and hiding it, or he's into you and hiding it. Everything you've said is predicated on the assumption that you would know if he was lying. But you're 15. You don't have a ton of experience with guys to know exactly how guys act or what to look for to tell. You take him on faith because it's all you've got.
Trust it if you want. You'll figure it out sooner or later. Hopefully sooner, cause when he goes unnoticed for a few years he's going to resent you for never being into him no matter what logical justifications you both put yourselves through.
:/edit:
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I'm a thirteen-year-old rising female freshman.
Back in September, I got my first boyfriend. Let's say his name was Tyler. Tyler verbally, mentally, and emotionally abused me for almost six months before I finally broke it off. The thing is - I know I was wrong to give in to this - I lost my virginity to Tyler. I thought I loved him, and adults around me believed we were in love too, so I don't know, I just felt like I could trust him. I know I was stupid, losing my virginity at thirteen to someone I no longer care about, but I've learned from my mistakes and won't do this for many years.
Now I've got a new boyfriend. Let's say his name is Aaron. I've known Aaron for almost two years now; we've always been close. I'm Aaron's first girlfriend. I love him a lot, and he's the person I trust most in this world. Recently, I accidentally let loose the fact that I have a deep dark secret (that I'm no longer a virgin). He got curious and asked what exactly my secret was, so I told him I trusted him enough that I would tell him by the end of the summer.
I have no regrets about saying I'd reveal my secret to him. I know he'd never tell anyone. What I am scared of, however, is what he'll think of me afterwards. What if he calls me a whore or something? I know that means he doesn't deserve me, that he isn't worth it. But unlike a lot of other people, his opinion means so much to me. I guess I kind of need some reassurance in my decision to tell him. D: (link)
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First, not being a virgin is not a "deep dark secret". You yourself are blowing this up into a bigger deal than it is.
Second, you're obviously intelligent for 13, hell you've got better writing than half the people posting here who are five or more years older than you are. Intelligent people are curious. They get into more shit, they explore, and not everywhere you can go in life is a place you want to be.
You've gotta accept your past. It's past, you've obviously learned from it. The rest is in how you present it. If you tell him "I fucked up. I let someone use me because I didn't know what else to do. I learned from it, and I'm over it" is all you really need to say.
If he's in any way intelligent and empathetic, he's going to be angry at the dude. There's a guy in my wife's past I'd still like to throw a beating to. I think the problem here isn't so much that he's going to think it, as you still kind of feel it. You're doing the normal process for above average intelligence, replaying it endlessly to figure out what you did wrong so you don't repeat it.
Learning is good. Dwelling is bad. You're not a whore, and I think you haven't convinced yourself entirely yet and you're worried he might say something that you feel and nuke your self esteem for six months.
You can't control life that much. If you really trust him, trust him not to be a douchebag. If you can't trust him that much, in this situation I honestly think that's something you need to work on so far as being better at trusting other people.
This isn't an end of the world secret. You didn't kill anyone. If you don't make a mountain out of a molehill, he'll likely treat it like a molehill.
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I have raised my sister since she was 14 and now she is 19 and pregnant.. father is in jail. she has spent $25,000 and is broke. our parents died and i am her only family. she has a tramic brain injury, which basically means she shouldnt drink or do drugs, but she does. Her judgement is bad. She wont listen to me. she does not have a job and she dropped out of high school. She hangs out with random guys from online. (she once had a run in with a pimp) I dont want to kick her out, but i dont want to support her forever. But most of all i dont want her to think i approve and i dont want to help her kill her self. what should i do? I love her, but i am tired of this.
i work in law enforcement. im trying to have a family of my own.
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I agree with NinjaNeer.
You're enabling. Because she's incapable of doing anything but taking advantage.
If you could have her involuntarily committed, that would probably be your best bet. No idea if that's possible or if she'd be diagnosed with something that would let them keep her.
I also have to say something. You're in enforcement. A drug addled sister living at your place could tank your career under badly coincidental circumstances. As much as you obviously love your sister, your family and your life come before hers. It's no one's job to make her life work but hers, and maybe you should stop pulling her out of the hole and let her have the shovel she's so intent on using to dig herself deeper.
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Okay. I'm fifteen and once I told my ex boyfriend that I will NEVER get a hickey cause I think they are nasty and gross. Sooo... we broke up, long story, and he was telling his baseball team about this and then he said he'd give whoever gave me a hickey first twenty bucks. The baseball team does stupid bets like this alllll the time. Well now guys are trying to give me hickeys! Like two of them just came up behind me and started sucking on my neck! It was disgusting! Three of them have asked me to hook up and basically all of them have started texting me. One of them even said he'd split the twenty with me if I just let him give me one. I told my ex he needed to call this stupid thing off but he doesn't give a shit so... What am I supposed to do?? Please don't tell me to just "wait for it to blow over" cuz I don't wanna do that! And please don't tell to "go tell a parent or coach" because I don't wanna stir shit up. Thank you! (link)
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I'd tell their coach, personally.
He's not going to tell their parents or stir up shit. He'll bitch them out though. I know when I was in football, if a girl had said something like that about team members we'd have been crawling on all fours up and down the field for two hours, with a threat that it'll get worse if she says anything else has happened.
You could always ask him to as well. Tell the coach that your ex is responsible so the rest of the team gets warned and he gets punished (and laughed at by the team) for instigating.
:Edit:
Make sure it's the head coach. Head coach isn't going to tolerate that, he's got the team reputation among the staff to maintain, and you can drop the line "I didn't want to have to go to a counselor" to make him think "harassment charges" instead of "harmless mischief"
That'll get his serious on, and then those guys are going to be unhappy for a few practices.
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