I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
Visitors: 32928
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Hey 16/f
So I went to this party on saturday night. It was my ex boyfriend's birthday and the party was at his house. My crush was also at this party. After a few hours everyone was pretty drunk except me and my crush. Everyone kept telling us to hook up and someone even gave us a condom. We thought they were being idiots so we just stayed in the bedroom and talked for a while. Anyways, my friend and I ended up staying over and my crush went home. So at like 3 everyone was deciding where they were going to sleep. I ended up next to my ex on his bed. We shared a pillow and were lying pretty close. He put his hands on my legs and side and we just talked. I fell asleep and whenever I woke up his hands were still there. I wasn't stopping him and I kinda liked it but I don't like him. So now I feel like I've betrayed my crush by "sleeping" with my ex and being so close with him when I wasn't close with him at all. Why do I feel this way? and how do I make it stop?
Thanks (link)
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You feel like that because you know what you did was wrong. But you didn't "betray" your crush, you betrayed yourself. But its a good thing you feel like this. It means you're a good person! You have guilt because you know it wasn't appropriate to "sleep" with your ex when you don't have feelings for him. So give yourself a break, blow it off as one of those nights and enjoy your new crush.
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I'm friends with this one boy and his friend and i were walking home today. It was really awkward because we aren't really friends. Every time it got weird and quiet he would bring up a totally different subject and that happened a lot. I kind of like him and was wondering how i can have a normal conversation with him or even get him to like me???? Please help me, thanks! (link)
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I know this sounds simple, but be yourself. You can't make someone like you. You can only show them who you are and hope that's enough. Next time you two are hanging out, bring up something you like, like a band or a tv show. Ask him, do like "so and so". If he does, great, you have something in common to start talking about. If he doesn't, explain why you like that thing and then ask him what type of music or tv he's into. Asking questions is always a great way to start a conversation. Good luck!
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i gave a guy a blow job two days ago and now i feel like i have a sore throat... could that be an std already giving me signs or is it to quick for any symptoms of an std (link)
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You can totally start experiencing symptoms now. Gurgle with salt water 2 or 3 times a day. If you still have symptoms in a couple of days, see a doctor.
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i fall way to hard for guys... like theres this guy and we like each other and i dont think hes using me but idk for sure... and i have pretty much fallin for him already... how do i stop? liike i dont wanna get my heart broken so how do i keep my feelings for him under control?
thanks (link)
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Are you sleeping with him? If yes, stop. Sex is the quickest way to get the heart involved and also to get a guy to disrespect you if you do it too soon. Back off. You'll know a guy really likes you when he doesn't need to have sex to want to be with you.
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18/male
I don't mean my own life as in kill myself, but just hate the fact that we exist. I don't really know why i feel this way, but i've felt myself be come more distant and generally happier if nobody is around and i am alone... I had become preoccupied with thoughts on existence and i figured its a fucked up joke. I also started cutting myself for what seems to me to be for no real reason. I never really feel connected to anyone and even though my family loves me i feel incapable of loving them back. Also i find everything we do in life ironic and stupid... am i insane?...Is this normal for a teen(except the cutting part)? (link)
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You're not abnormal, but you are depressed, and the feelings you are describing are very typical for depression. I know, I've been through it too. You don't feel "authentic". You cut yourself because its how you feel, and it reminds you you're real. You need professional help. Not because you are crazy, but because you have feelings you need to dig into and deal with and there's not really other people out there who you can just talk to. You need to talk to someone who can offer you solutions and guide you to a place of peace. Its totally possible. I did it. I was in therapy for a year and it really helped me connect back to reality, and it changed my life. You can have that too. Start by making an appointment with your family doctor. If anybody asks why, just say you haven't been feeling well lately, stomach problems or something. Just get there. Then tell your Dr. you think you need to see a counselor and can he/she refer you. If that doesn't work, check at school or google local councelling centers. Many community centers offer counselling for teens for free. The point is, if you really want to get better, you are going to have to take some steps yourself. No one can do it for you, but you CAN feel better. You won't regret it. I promise.
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how do you tell if a guy actually likes you or if hes just using you for action?
thanks
kaitlyn (link)
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Stop hooking up. If he still wants to be with you, he's into you. If not, he's just using you.
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My daughter is almost 5 years old, and is not being invited to a friends birthday party. The friend lives a few doors away from us and is one year older than our daughter. They play together often, but are not best buddies. My wife and the neighbours wife are good friends from college days and keep in touch since we live so close. The neighbours daughter is having her 6th birthday party in a couple of weeks, but her mother is not inviting our daughter - only kids from her daughter's kindergarden class. The neighbour told my wife there will be too many kids (6) at the party, but the two girls can get together at another time and do something 'special'.
My daughter will be disappointed to hear she will not be invited to the neighbour's birthday party. The reason the neighbour gave my wife about not inviting our daughter is because their house is not very big.
My daughter's birthday is coming up next month and has always had the neighbours daughter at her birthday parties
How do I tell my daughter she is not invited to her friends birthday party, when she will be inviting her friend next month? (link)
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Don't mention it unless she does. It would have been nice to invite your daughter, but your neighbor is not obligated. It hurts as parents to see our kids rejected, even in the smallest of ways. However, life isn't always fair, and this could be a great lesson to your daughter about courtesy and kindness. If she doesn't say anything, then leave it alone. No sense in making her feel hurt if she doesn't already. But if she does, just let her know that her friend didn't have room to invite everyone she liked, but at least you all are lucky enough to have the room for a great birthday party and you're looking forward to inviting the friend. Don't obsess over this. You also don't know all the circumstances. Maybe the parent felt pressure to invite other kids but left you out knowing you're more laid back and close, so you could plan something else. Maybe her daughter doesn't think their as good of friends as you do. Whatever the case may be, try not to take it too personally and don't make too big of a deal out of it, for your daughter's sake. Get a gift, smile and say happy birthday, and invite the friend to your party. Maybe your wife's friend will think twice next time about leaving such lovely people off the list.
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I am a 39 year old male and have been happily married for almost 9 years. My wife and I are soul mates and love each other deeply. In the past 2 years I have had erectile disfunction and our sex life is not what it used to be. I cannot perform very well. I have the sex drive, but my equipment doesn't seem to work. I have tried Viagra and others like it to no avail. My wife never complains, but I know she is missing out because I can never penetrate her. We have talked about engaging in other couples. I have mixed feelings about it. It is kind of exciting but I don't know about my feelings of sharing my wife. We have never considered doing anything like this before. We do everything together and this would be done together or not at all. Is this a road we should take? Please help. (link)
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Personally, I think bringing a third (and fourth?) party into your marriage bed is never a good idea. It may seem harmless at first but problems will arise, quickly. Don't sacrifice the bonds of your marriage just because you don't know what else to do. Your intuition is already telling you its a bad idea. Listen to that. You and your wife need to see a marriage counselor as soon as possible. And before you wonder about the expense, ask yourself how much your marriage is worth. You may have a physical condition, but it is having real emotional impact on both of you. You need a neutral person to discuss this with. you'll also be able to better address the issue of sex and satisfaction. It would also be the best place to discuss your idea of another couple. You may be shocked at what you wife shares in the presence of a proffessional. Good luck to you.
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This could be potentially very long...So here is some background info. I am 17 years old, and the guy is 18 1/2 years old.
I dated this guy for about a month and a half during September and October. Things ended pretty badly there because he "lost the feelings" for me and went back to his ex that he used to talk shit about and say she was a crazy bitch. Anyways, my ex's friend had a crush on me the whole time I was with my ex and afterward we broke up, the friend and I became very close friends. His name is Tom.
From October to December, Tom and I were very, very close friends. He texted me "good morning" every day and we talked all the time. He would come see me anytime I asked, literally just dropping everything to drive to my house. Right around Christmas time, I realized that I also had feelings for Tom. We had our first kiss over school break and officially became a couple. He came over my house everyday over school vacation when he got out of work, and I was happier than I'd ever been. He truly cared about me, and my closest friends and family could see it. Tom pursued me for all those months before I realized my feelings.
Those first two weeks were amazing. Emotionally, we connected extremely well, even though we already had before from the friendship. And physically we went pretty far, but nothing that I regret.
One weekend, he got called into work on his only day off which bummed me out, but I knew he needed the money. Usually while he was at work and I was at school, we would text all day long. But this particular day he wasn't responding which seemed odd to me, but I brushed it off. I ended up seeing during his dinner break that night, and he seemed a little awkward. I asked if something was wrong with us, because I just had this weird feeling about his behavior (I was terrified of him losing his feelings like the other ex had done). He assured me that it was all fine and he was just exhausted from work. So he went back to work and things seemed okay.
The next day, he didn't turn his phone on at work which seemed really odd again. By now, my trouble radar was on high alert. I don't know why, but I can always "sense" how other people are feeling and stuff. Something told me things just weren't right. The next day, he didn't have his phone on again and I came home from school sick because I was coming down with tonsillitis. He came to see me that night, but of course we only held hands cause he didn't wanna get sick too. But he still seemed a little awkward for some reason.
The next, I stayed home from school because I was really sick. Once again his phone wasn't on, and I was getting upset cause things seemed weird and I was worried. I texted him impulsively and said, "If you wanna break up with me, I can handle it. Just don't drag it out please." No response until later that night after he got out of work. He said that he thought just being friends would be best cause he was getting really busy with work and he was going to training school on weekends soon. (While we were friends, he used to talk about how his job was really easy and a joke, but I guess it got more demanding later on). I got really upset because this COULDN'T be happening to me again. We were truly in love, I know it. Everyone else could see it too. Plus, I'd just gone through a break up and I didn't wanna do it again. I begged him not to leave me, but he said it was best for us both but we could still be friends. Then I was home sick for the rest of the week and he wouldn't respond or talk to me at all. I was so confused. It was like he just walked out the door one day.
When we finally talked again, he said we could talk in person soon. But over the next month and a half (January into February) he always had some sort of excuse. I started to get frustrated and blowing up his phone. I admit this wasn't the best idea, but I was feeling hurt, confused, angry and impulsive. It didn't seem fair. After my first break up, I started seeing a therapist and after going over my history, she diagnosed me with depression. But after Tom broke up with me, I went into my worst downward spiral ever. All my closest friends left me because they couldn't take my constant sadness and complaining. They were sick of me talking about it. So I went on some anti-depressants. They're starting to work, and I tried to talk to Tom and get him to understand my pain so he would explain the truth to me cause it just felt like he was leaving something out. But he always got annoyed and said he was telling the truth that he was just busy. Maybe we'd get back together later on but there were no promises. But I got even angrier cause he would go next door to my ex's house and hang out with him, but always had an excuse why he couldn't see me. I was hurt deeply.
Things are getting better and I am learning to cope without him in my life. I've been changing medications a lot and its been throwing my brain chemical balance off and making me act in ways that aren't me. I'm lashing out, rebelling and doing stupid things. In the back of my head, I know its because I want Tom to notice me and notice how out of control things had become and see how much I need his help. His presence in my life was amazing and he didn't think my depression and issues were weird. So I'm left here, hurt and confused because he promised to talk to me in person but still hasn't. We don't talk at all anymore. He doesn't respond, so I stopped contacting him a few weeks ago. I'm still sort of friendly with his best friend.
The other part is that one night in January, we were fooling around and all of sudden I wasn't sure what was going on anymore. We might have had sex, we might not have. It was really confused and over so quickly. I didn't think anything of it, because Tom and I had talked before about how we would use a condom and make sure we were both ready. We had discussed that we were both ready, but would know for sure when it would happen. But that night was confusing for me. He'd previously "popped my cherry" from fingering. Anyways....I just tried to put it out of my mind. But then I didn't get my period that month or in February. Finally March came and I panicked. We didn't talk anymore, and I didn't know what happened that night. My period finally came in March; I was just irregular. But he got wind that I was had a pregnancy scare, and he got pissed. "Nothing happened that night! She's not pregnant she's f*cking insane" is what he said to my friend who send him an email about it. Well...that cleared up my confusion about that night, I suppose. But still, like I said...I didn't get my period for two months! I think I had the right to be scared, right? He should understand that, but for some reason he just doesn't care. My family and I have been working for months on my emotional health, because I've tried to run away so that Tom would worry about me and come looking.
How can you just stop caring so deeply about someone? After the break up, he said the feelings weren't completely gone. But it still hurt like hell. I loved him and I still do.
Anyways....I'm sorry that was so long. But thats the entire background story. And my dilemma is that we don't talk at all, and his friend say that Tom thinks I'm psycho. Yes, I blew up his phone, but I'm not psycho. I've been in a lot of pain. How do I fix this?!?! Ideally, I want to get back together. But its okay if we don't, because I have met someone new :) But I'd really like him in my life at least as friends. Because he was my first love. I've been told to let time go by and let things cool down, which I'm doing. But what can I do to apologize and try and be on good terms?
THANK YOU! I've been struggling with this a lot. My therapist and I work on it, and I'm proud to say I've come a long way. But still...it hurts. I hope someone can help (link)
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There are some people you will never be able to be friends with. There are some things you just can't undo. You need to accept that you can't fix every situation. The best you can do is to apologize for your part in things and leave it at that, and decide to use this experience to learn something that can help you in the future. It may hurt, but the fact is this guy doesn't want to be around you. That's his loss, not yours. If your concience is bothering you then send an email or text JUST apologizing. Don't drag it out or ask him anything or even wait for his response. Just say "I'm sorry I made you think I was psycho. I've been going through a lot and I didn't mean to make your life worse. I hope you'll forgive me someday". That's it. Then go your own way and accept the fact that this guy will never be your friend. And really, why do you want him to be your friend? He thinks you're crazy! He treated you like crap! I hope you and your therapist are working on why you need the approval of people who don't have your best interests on their minds.
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I know everyone's vagina smells, but I'm wondering if there's some time of cream or wipe I could use before having sex so that it doesn't? (link)
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Your vagina is supposed to smell. The smell is not as offensive to others as it is to you. Don't worry about it. Guys actually LIKE the smell. Just wash like regular, stay clean like you usually do, nothing special. You'll be fine.
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19/f
okay so this is going to be kinda long so bare with me but I need help with finding a career. Ive been struggling with this ever since I was in high school I'm a freshmen in college right now. Im declared undecided but I have absolutely no clue as too why I am going to school the past two semesters in school I feel like were used for nothing. I feel like im a "multi-talented" person I like so many different things like I was thinking of fashion merchandising or broadcasting journalism or even something with animals but I feel like I cant have an "ordinary" job I know this sounds silly but ever since I was little I loved acting and wanted to be an actress I feel like I would be great at it my personality fits it but the thing is I know its not realistic. I've been to the career conselor I've done every test imaginable the meyers-briggs test or the test for your personality the questionaire with the scan tron everything but Ive found nothing that seemed excited or something I see myself doing for the long term when my test results gave me careers I would like they seemed interesting and I was kinda interested in them at some point in my life but they were just too "boring" for me. I seems like my career concelor and even my advisor are getting testy and impatient with me because I cant decide or what I'm leaning towards. My frusturated myself I feel like I'm wasting my money because I don't know an idea what to do I pick classes for fall semester next year on monday and I dont want to waste my money on classes just because their "fun" its gonna be my sophomore year and im supposed to pick classes as tooo what major im leaning towards but I dont have any suggestions! Im so frustrated I cry almost everyday just cause I feel like im wasting my time. It's not that I dont like school, I love learning and I actually like going to school. Im just so confused I dont know what to do. My parents cant seem to help either their frustrated as well but they want me to get a major in something but my mom said she dosent want me wasting money and said maybe I should have went to a trade school (and I wouldnt even know what trade school I would go too lol) but I guess I dont really need a question answered just some advice what do you think I should do? it seems to me like I've tried everything im out of ideas I'll take any advice you guys throw at me. Thank You So Much. (link)
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Well, maybe you need to take some time and really just experience life. Get a job, do a little traveling, enroll in some acting or singing classes on the side. See what captures your interest. You don't have to go to school right away, and I agree, if you aren't focused, its a waste of money, and who can afford to waste money these days. There is absolutely nothing wrong with just getting a regular job to make some money while you figure things out. Even that can help because you can learn a lot about yourself when you're working. You'll learn what you DON'T like and what you do like. Enrolling in individual classes on the side can give you a taste of the things you think you may be interested in without making a huge life commitment right away. Don't panic! This is the perfect time in your life to be experiencing doubt. You have no one but yourself to worry about for now, so just enjoy yourself. I promise, I PROMISE, you will become more clear over time.
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Im 21 and my boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. Last night while having sex i heard him mutter "I Love you". I wasnt sure so I asked him what he said. He just ignored the question. We've never said we loved eachother before and I didnt want to say it and look stupid if that wasnt what he said. Is it possiable i heard him right and he was too embarassed to say it twice? I love him but i've been to afraid to say so. (link)
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A lot of things come out of a guy's mouth during sex. He may or may have not meant it. I make it a rule not to take seriously anything said during sex. Hormones are raging, emotions are high, things get said in the heat of passion. You asked him. He ignored you. I think you got your answer. He either didn't say it or didn't mean it (yet). Back off this one for a few days. Observe how he is acting. If he seems uncomfortable lately, ask him about that, why does he seem so uncomfortable. Maybe that will spark a deeper conversation. If after some time he still hasn't said anything, maybe you just need to come clean and confess your feelings. But be prepared. Think ahead. Picture the conversation. If he says he doesn't feel the same, what will you say or do, if he says he's not ready to go to that level, what will you do? Just prepare yourself, but after 6 months I'd say you have a right to know where things are going and how he really feels for you. Sometimes guys need a little push to reveal those things. Just be careful not to push too hard. Don't be angry about it, be curious. Good luck!
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13/f i haven't gotten my first period yet but when i do im planning to use tampons but is it okay if i practice putting the applicator in? thanks. (link)
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i agree with 'rainbowcherry" but would add that if you do decide to practice use some lubricant like ky jelly. When you're on your period the blood acts as a natural lubricant, meaning it makes the area wet and easier to slip in the tampon. If you just do it without anything it will hurt. Your vaginal area will be dry and you'll be trying to force it in, and most likely you won't do it the right way. I think the best thing to do is study the instructions in the tampon box. When you're period does come, you'll be better prepared to experiment. I wouldn't worry too much about it. When the time comes you'll figure it out. It seems weird and hard at first but believe me, it takes no time at all and once you get it you'll never think about it again. It will just come automatically.
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I lost my virginity 2 years ago, and since then I've been in terrible situations with guys. I've been violated, used, and even assaulted. Just awful memories in general. So, whenever I engage in sexual contact NOW, i feel very afraid and i get "flashbacks" to those bad times. It usually turns me off and makes it impossible to orgasm. How can I get back to thinking that sex is "good"? (link)
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The only way to get better is to abstain from sex for a while and seek counseling. Your experiences have affected you in deep ways, even some ways that you don't realize. You will not get better by continuing to have unsatisfying, frightening sex. It sounds to me like you have some other issues to deal with as well, like why you choose men who treat you badly, and why you've been with so many in such a short amount of time. Were you abused or molested as a child? Did you witness abuse? You need to seek help now. If you don't know where to start, consult your family doctor and ask for a reference to a therapist. Or do an internet search for women's crisis centers in your neighborhood. There are many places that offer counseling services for free to women who have suffered in relationships. You're the only one who can do this for you. You have to believe you are valuable enough to deserve to get better, not for anyone else, but for yourself. It will take some tough decision-making (like abstinence, and turning your back on people who have been cruel to you), but if you really want to be well again, you will do the hard things, in order to have a healthy and productive relationship in the future.
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ok i have those white sores in my mouth(cancer sorses or cold sores) How can i get rid of them without medicine and to get the pain to go down
(link)
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A little bit of baking soda mixed with water to make a paste. Then put it on the sore. It will hurt like hell, but it will help it go away much faster. However, this is only for canker sores. Cold sores are a form of herpes and need medication.
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what are the birds and the bees? and dont tell me to 'google it' because i already did (link)
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Its code for "talking about sex"
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19/f well there's this guy I've been seeing. He's friends with one of my friends. My friend Henri asked me if i was interested in his friend and i said yes and we started texting each other. Well anyways we kinda went on a date. lol well i don't if you'd call it a date since we were sitting in his care of a Kohl's parking lot. we talked the night before so he was tired and didn't seem outgoing. lol and i was flirting with him like kind of playing with his hands, and at first he looked at me like i was insane, but then he started holding my hand, and it was really cute. well the night before he asked me if i was attracted to him and i said are u? and you said well i asked you first and i said yeah, even though i hadn't met him yet. Well the next day i met him and i didn't think he was cute but he was super sweet. He's kind of big, but i feel bad to judge him so quickly. Should i go on another date with him and see how it goes? And if so when should i call him because we were suppose to go have lunch tomorrow, but he said his mom is having surgery on Thursday and i said ok maybe after. And he said to text him but i was going to wait til he texts me. (link)
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Sometimes the best surprises come in the most unlikely packages. Go on one more (real) date with him. Text him with a specific time and place, like "Friday,let's meet at X Cafe at noon". Then you leave it up to him to respond. Either he can, or its not a good time and he'll suggest another time. Good Luck!
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The only computer in my house is in my room. My dad is the only one who used it today and in a minimized window is "Literotica." I flipped back through the pages and he's reading titles in the Incest section under the searches "love," "lust," and "daddy."
I am his only daughter. I'm 17. He's 60.
I'm really disturbed. I've seen it on the history before but I've figured, everyone has strange fetishes. But incest?! This is really grossing me out. I feel like I have to hide my body now around him. I dress like most teenage girls-- short shorts, low cut tops-- and now I just want to cover up and die.
Should I bring it up with my mom? She's the only other one living in the house. I'm too embarrassed to tell my boyfriend. This is just so weird. My dad's seriously not a creep or a perv, this is just so unexpected.
Thanks for any advice =/ (link)
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This is the equivalent of walking in on your parents "in the act". This is totally weird for a young girl to find, but chances are your father is not fantasizing about weird encounters with his only daughter. Fantasies are just that - imaginary, not real. When it comes to sex most people fantasize about things they would NEVER do in real life. Its the forbidden nature that makes it so alluring. Most likely when he's reading that stuff he's not thinking about YOU, but about characters. And you don't know, it may have been a curiousity thing. He may have been looking for erotic stories and found a site that had lots of different options and was really curious by some of the titles he saw. Since you say your Dad isn't a creep or a perv I tend to think this is just horny old guy stuff that has nothing to do with family and everything to do with sex. However, you've already seen it, and that can't be undone. If you and your Mom are close, then do by all means talk to her. You don't have to "tattle tale", but just let her know what you found and it freaked you out. Then maybe she can mention privately to your Dad that he needs to be a bit more careful about what he's viewing on your computer. If you can't manage that, start dropping hints, like when you're Dad's around say "Mom, just so you know, I can look in my computer and see the history of where you've been and what you've been looking at, so if you're ever looking for a gift or surprise online for me, make sure you ERASE the history. I can show you how to do that if you want".
Man, what a traumatic thing to see. While your Dad was totally wrong for searching porn in your room, I have the feeling he was just curious and is not a creep. Don't tell your bf, he'll only get weirded out. As a matter of fact, I'd keep this one to myself for a while. I think in time you won't feel so freaked out and eventually you'll be able to put it in the category of "things I never needed to know about my parents" We all have a category like that. Until then, do what you need to do to feel comfortable, so keep being modest in your dress around Dad if it makes you feel a little better. Good luck.
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Hey there,
I'm a 18 year old tutor in Brisbane, Australia, and I was wondering if I'm suppose to pay taxes. I currently do not, is what I'm doing illegal? I dont have a solid amount of students or anything, they just call me if they need me and decide another lesson or not on the spot. But I do save spots for them just in case. And I dont rely on this job at all. I dont earn a whole lot as I dont have many students. Please help with this confusion as I dont know if I'm doing something illegal or not. If this helps, I earn no more than $800 a month, at most, if I'm lucky.
Thank you. (link)
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Are you paid in cash? Technically what you're doing is illegal.But generally people can fly under the radar with cash only enterprises as long as you're not making too much cash. If you're cash flow starts to increase you may need to go ahead and declare that income, as the government may start to notice a rise in your standard of living. It doesn't sound like its that much right now. I wouldn't worry about it. If you decide to go into this full-time at some point you'll have to declare it a business, and then the government gets their piece.
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I'm 19, and planning on moving to America. I'm going there for someone who i know very well that i met online(but never in person) and i want to know, how can i go about doing it? Before i go, do i need a working visa? or can i tell them the truth, that i met a man online and i want to be with him in america? Also, If i'm planning on going there to marry him, do i even need a working visa? a friend told me if i tell customs or whoever the truth about how we've only met online, that they might not let me into America. Is that true? I'm Australian, and I really need to get there and live there so i can be with him, and of course, i'd be living with him. so tell me, how does all this work? (link)
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Well, there are different ways. You can go for a visit. I think you can stay up to a month with just your passport. But of course, that's just temporary. If you want to stay, you need a visa. The kind of visa you get depends on what you want to do. If you want to come study, you need a student visa - those are the easiest kind to get but you need to be enrolled somewhere first. IF you want to work, you need a work visa, those are a lot harder to get and you must have proof that you have a job first. Marrying an American doesn't guarantee anything. Whatever you do, you have to be honest about it, because if you get caught you can be deported and denied re-entry into the U.S. for as long as 5 years. You need to contact your immigration department and ask these questions. And go online and do a search of U.S. requirements. What you CAN'T do is just get on a plane and come. Trust me, nobody at customs cares if you want to see your boyfriend or your mother or your best friend. They care that you have the right paperwork. Come for a visit first. When you get here, go to immigration and start filling out the right paperwork. Then head home and wait for the right documents. Right now there is a woman in San Diego who was here illegally from Australia. She came as a student years ago and never left. She has two children (both born here) and is married to an American. She is being deported because she did not file the legal paperwork. The government doesn't care that she is married to an American. So don't risk it. It can blow up in your face. Do your research.
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