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I hate how things ended....PLEASE HEL{P
This could be potentially very long...So here is some background info. I am 17 years old, and the guy is 18 1/2 years old.
I dated this guy for about a month and a half during September and October. Things ended pretty badly there because he "lost the feelings" for me and went back to his ex that he used to talk shit about and say she was a crazy bitch. Anyways, my ex's friend had a crush on me the whole time I was with my ex and afterward we broke up, the friend and I became very close friends. His name is Tom.
From October to December, Tom and I were very, very close friends. He texted me "good morning" every day and we talked all the time. He would come see me anytime I asked, literally just dropping everything to drive to my house. Right around Christmas time, I realized that I also had feelings for Tom. We had our first kiss over school break and officially became a couple. He came over my house everyday over school vacation when he got out of work, and I was happier than I'd ever been. He truly cared about me, and my closest friends and family could see it. Tom pursued me for all those months before I realized my feelings.
Those first two weeks were amazing. Emotionally, we connected extremely well, even though we already had before from the friendship. And physically we went pretty far, but nothing that I regret.
One weekend, he got called into work on his only day off which bummed me out, but I knew he needed the money. Usually while he was at work and I was at school, we would text all day long. But this particular day he wasn't responding which seemed odd to me, but I brushed it off. I ended up seeing during his dinner break that night, and he seemed a little awkward. I asked if something was wrong with us, because I just had this weird feeling about his behavior (I was terrified of him losing his feelings like the other ex had done). He assured me that it was all fine and he was just exhausted from work. So he went back to work and things seemed okay.
The next day, he didn't turn his phone on at work which seemed really odd again. By now, my trouble radar was on high alert. I don't know why, but I can always "sense" how other people are feeling and stuff. Something told me things just weren't right. The next day, he didn't have his phone on again and I came home from school sick because I was coming down with tonsillitis. He came to see me that night, but of course we only held hands cause he didn't wanna get sick too. But he still seemed a little awkward for some reason.
The next, I stayed home from school because I was really sick. Once again his phone wasn't on, and I was getting upset cause things seemed weird and I was worried. I texted him impulsively and said, "If you wanna break up with me, I can handle it. Just don't drag it out please." No response until later that night after he got out of work. He said that he thought just being friends would be best cause he was getting really busy with work and he was going to training school on weekends soon. (While we were friends, he used to talk about how his job was really easy and a joke, but I guess it got more demanding later on). I got really upset because this COULDN'T be happening to me again. We were truly in love, I know it. Everyone else could see it too. Plus, I'd just gone through a break up and I didn't wanna do it again. I begged him not to leave me, but he said it was best for us both but we could still be friends. Then I was home sick for the rest of the week and he wouldn't respond or talk to me at all. I was so confused. It was like he just walked out the door one day.
When we finally talked again, he said we could talk in person soon. But over the next month and a half (January into February) he always had some sort of excuse. I started to get frustrated and blowing up his phone. I admit this wasn't the best idea, but I was feeling hurt, confused, angry and impulsive. It didn't seem fair. After my first break up, I started seeing a therapist and after going over my history, she diagnosed me with depression. But after Tom broke up with me, I went into my worst downward spiral ever. All my closest friends left me because they couldn't take my constant sadness and complaining. They were sick of me talking about it. So I went on some anti-depressants. They're starting to work, and I tried to talk to Tom and get him to understand my pain so he would explain the truth to me cause it just felt like he was leaving something out. But he always got annoyed and said he was telling the truth that he was just busy. Maybe we'd get back together later on but there were no promises. But I got even angrier cause he would go next door to my ex's house and hang out with him, but always had an excuse why he couldn't see me. I was hurt deeply.
Things are getting better and I am learning to cope without him in my life. I've been changing medications a lot and its been throwing my brain chemical balance off and making me act in ways that aren't me. I'm lashing out, rebelling and doing stupid things. In the back of my head, I know its because I want Tom to notice me and notice how out of control things had become and see how much I need his help. His presence in my life was amazing and he didn't think my depression and issues were weird. So I'm left here, hurt and confused because he promised to talk to me in person but still hasn't. We don't talk at all anymore. He doesn't respond, so I stopped contacting him a few weeks ago. I'm still sort of friendly with his best friend.
The other part is that one night in January, we were fooling around and all of sudden I wasn't sure what was going on anymore. We might have had sex, we might not have. It was really confused and over so quickly. I didn't think anything of it, because Tom and I had talked before about how we would use a condom and make sure we were both ready. We had discussed that we were both ready, but would know for sure when it would happen. But that night was confusing for me. He'd previously "popped my cherry" from fingering. Anyways....I just tried to put it out of my mind. But then I didn't get my period that month or in February. Finally March came and I panicked. We didn't talk anymore, and I didn't know what happened that night. My period finally came in March; I was just irregular. But he got wind that I was had a pregnancy scare, and he got pissed. "Nothing happened that night! She's not pregnant she's f*cking insane" is what he said to my friend who send him an email about it. Well...that cleared up my confusion about that night, I suppose. But still, like I said...I didn't get my period for two months! I think I had the right to be scared, right? He should understand that, but for some reason he just doesn't care. My family and I have been working for months on my emotional health, because I've tried to run away so that Tom would worry about me and come looking.
How can you just stop caring so deeply about someone? After the break up, he said the feelings weren't completely gone. But it still hurt like hell. I loved him and I still do.
Anyways....I'm sorry that was so long. But thats the entire background story. And my dilemma is that we don't talk at all, and his friend say that Tom thinks I'm psycho. Yes, I blew up his phone, but I'm not psycho. I've been in a lot of pain. How do I fix this?!?! Ideally, I want to get back together. But its okay if we don't, because I have met someone new :) But I'd really like him in my life at least as friends. Because he was my first love. I've been told to let time go by and let things cool down, which I'm doing. But what can I do to apologize and try and be on good terms?
THANK YOU! I've been struggling with this a lot. My therapist and I work on it, and I'm proud to say I've come a long way. But still...it hurts. I hope someone can help <3 Thanks.
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Firstly, i'm sorry to hear about your depression, I think there are many people in the same situation as you, and well done for overcoming it. Anyway, it's hard to tell somebody how to "stop caring deeply about someone" if there was an easy solution, everyone would do it! It seriously just needs time. And for some people, a lot of time, days, months, years. The only thing that you can do to hurry the process is just to get on with your life like nothing has happened. I know that you still care about Tom, and you would at least like to be friends; but you cannot be friends with someone that you have deep feelings for, in my opinion anyway. If I were you I would find something else to occupy my mind, like you said you have met someone new - give them a chance. Go out and meet new people, take up a new hobby, sign up for a gym etc..anything that will keep you focused on YOU. Forget about Tom, if he's so inconsiderate to call someone a psycho, who he apparently still has feelings for; he is certainly not worth the thought. Don't contact him, pretend he doesn't even exist and soon you will feel like he doesn't exist. He will see that you have moved on with your life and that you are a stronger person than he thought. As for him telling people you are a psycho, completely ignore it. People will only believe him if they see you acting like a psycho, if they see you completely ignoring him and getting on with your life they will realise he's just a liar. Good luck and I hope I helped!
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There are some people you will never be able to be friends with. There are some things you just can't undo. You need to accept that you can't fix every situation. The best you can do is to apologize for your part in things and leave it at that, and decide to use this experience to learn something that can help you in the future. It may hurt, but the fact is this guy doesn't want to be around you. That's his loss, not yours. If your concience is bothering you then send an email or text JUST apologizing. Don't drag it out or ask him anything or even wait for his response. Just say "I'm sorry I made you think I was psycho. I've been going through a lot and I didn't mean to make your life worse. I hope you'll forgive me someday". That's it. Then go your own way and accept the fact that this guy will never be your friend. And really, why do you want him to be your friend? He thinks you're crazy! He treated you like crap! I hope you and your therapist are working on why you need the approval of people who don't have your best interests on their minds.
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