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ED (Erectile Dysfunction) should we involve another couple in our marriage?
I am a 39 year old male and have been happily married for almost 9 years. My wife and I are soul mates and love each other deeply. In the past 2 years I have had erectile disfunction and our sex life is not what it used to be. I cannot perform very well. I have the sex drive, but my equipment doesn't seem to work. I have tried Viagra and others like it to no avail. My wife never complains, but I know she is missing out because I can never penetrate her. We have talked about engaging in other couples. I have mixed feelings about it. It is kind of exciting but I don't know about my feelings of sharing my wife. We have never considered doing anything like this before. We do everything together and this would be done together or not at all. Is this a road we should take? Please help.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Absolutely not. It will probably do nothing to help your ED. Seeing another man satisfying your wife while you feel you can't certainly won't help your ED. It could even make it worse.
Speak very seriously with your doctor about your problem. Not a doctor who will just throw some Viagra your way either. There are many causes for ED that can be fixed with time. A doctor who will just give you Viagra is not attempting to fix the problem correctly. If you have already been tested for diabetes and other causes, there are other things to be tried medically.
If you and your wife love each other, you can have a very happy sex life regardless of your ED. Don't bring in another couple to complicate the situation even more. Nice fantasy for some, but
reality is a whole different ballgame.
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You gave Rahzie a 3, but she's right. Seriously.
Sex therapy is the end all answer to your question.
Could this help your relationship? Absolutely. It is not uncommon for securely attached couples to expand sexual horizons. The barriers are trust and jealousy, and no one on the internet is in a position to gauge your relationships abilities to cope with an increase or decrease in either.
Now that it's come up, you have to talk about it, and there's alot to consider. You probably don't realize exactly how much. Respect is paramount. Everyone involved must respect their partners and each other.
That's where a sex therapist comes in. They are experienced and learned in issues like radical intimacy and the changes in marriage and sex at your age.
I can understand your misgivings. We can't tell you if you'll resent it, if you'll feel jealous or if you'll feel more open and free with each other. Those are questions you need to take time to find the answer to. I think, that if it is something you are both willing to consider, that it's worth pursuing seriously. I do not think you should ever at any point feel committed to it or like it is an obligation against your will.
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If you really want to open up this dialogue seriously and responsibly, go to a sex therapist who is comfortable helping guide couples these discussions and negotiations.
It’s worth the investment to pay a professional for their experience and personal advice, and for their on-going guidance if you do choose to move forward with this sort of arrangement.
However, perhaps easier then getting past the idea of sharing your wife with another man, why not just buy a strap on? I understand that some men would find that a more serious affront to their pride then another guy in the bedroom, but in all seriousness, if what you believe your wife wants is to be penetrated, there are a hosts of toys you can purchase, or wear, to help you achieve that. There are very few kinds of fun that absolutely require another man.
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Personally, I think bringing a third (and fourth?) party into your marriage bed is never a good idea. It may seem harmless at first but problems will arise, quickly. Don't sacrifice the bonds of your marriage just because you don't know what else to do. Your intuition is already telling you its a bad idea. Listen to that. You and your wife need to see a marriage counselor as soon as possible. And before you wonder about the expense, ask yourself how much your marriage is worth. You may have a physical condition, but it is having real emotional impact on both of you. You need a neutral person to discuss this with. you'll also be able to better address the issue of sex and satisfaction. It would also be the best place to discuss your idea of another couple. You may be shocked at what you wife shares in the presence of a proffessional. Good luck to you.
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