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Daughter not invited to friends birthday party
My daughter is almost 5 years old, and is not being invited to a friends birthday party. The friend lives a few doors away from us and is one year older than our daughter. They play together often, but are not best buddies. My wife and the neighbours wife are good friends from college days and keep in touch since we live so close. The neighbours daughter is having her 6th birthday party in a couple of weeks, but her mother is not inviting our daughter - only kids from her daughter's kindergarden class. The neighbour told my wife there will be too many kids (6) at the party, but the two girls can get together at another time and do something 'special'.
My daughter will be disappointed to hear she will not be invited to the neighbour's birthday party. The reason the neighbour gave my wife about not inviting our daughter is because their house is not very big.
My daughter's birthday is coming up next month and has always had the neighbours daughter at her birthday parties
How do I tell my daughter she is not invited to her friends birthday party, when she will be inviting her friend next month?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Etiquette?
If you don't make a big deal of it, your daughter is unlikely feel it's a big deal.
At five years old she is well accustomed to some activities being 'class' activities, even outside of school. It's a simple and honest explanation to her to say "That birthday party is just for a few classmates. You and your friend will mark her birthday in another way.” You might even ask your daughter what the ‘special’ thing she’d like to do for her friend is: Would she like to make cupcakes? Go to a movie? Giving her a choice in the activity and then inviting the gives your daughter some control over the kind of celebration she’d like to engage in and makes it extra special, like choosing a birthday gift can be.
Don’t colour your daughters experience with any negativity you might be feeling towards the family. It’s not the little girls fault and if you embrace this in a positive way, it’s more likely that that your daughter will demand two birthday parties (her party, and then a second special day with her friend) then she’ll retaliate and want her friend excluded.
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Honestly, the bigger a deal you make it the bigger a deal your daughter will take it as. She's too young to not take huge clues from you still.
Play it off. It's not a big deal. If you think she's old enough to get the humor, joke with her about how 6 kids her age can tear a house apart and there just wasn't room for a seventh, tell her that they were afraid if they stuffed one more kid in there the walls would crumble.
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Don't mention it unless she does. It would have been nice to invite your daughter, but your neighbor is not obligated. It hurts as parents to see our kids rejected, even in the smallest of ways. However, life isn't always fair, and this could be a great lesson to your daughter about courtesy and kindness. If she doesn't say anything, then leave it alone. No sense in making her feel hurt if she doesn't already. But if she does, just let her know that her friend didn't have room to invite everyone she liked, but at least you all are lucky enough to have the room for a great birthday party and you're looking forward to inviting the friend. Don't obsess over this. You also don't know all the circumstances. Maybe the parent felt pressure to invite other kids but left you out knowing you're more laid back and close, so you could plan something else. Maybe her daughter doesn't think their as good of friends as you do. Whatever the case may be, try not to take it too personally and don't make too big of a deal out of it, for your daughter's sake. Get a gift, smile and say happy birthday, and invite the friend to your party. Maybe your wife's friend will think twice next time about leaving such lovely people off the list.
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I know it's not very nice to know your daughter won't be invited, but try not to take it personally. I know it wouldn't seem like it would hurt to invite one more person, but it seems like it's a strictly friends from school kinda thing. Rather weird, but hey, her mum must have set the rule for a reason.. The fact the 2 girls can "do something special" another time can make up for it.
Since your daughter is only 5, does she really need to know about the party? Do something on that day and if she happens to find out about it from her friend and questions it, say you were all busy that day and you couldn't make it, so they will celebrate it together another time.
If your daughter already knows about the party, like I said above, say you're busy that day etc, or she is having a party one day for her school friends and another day just for her - to make her feel a bit special.
The wonders of being 5 is she won't read in to it too deeply and when the two do get together, it will make it better.
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That's a pretty hard subject to bring up to a 5 year old. It's pretty bitchy of the other mother, but not worth ruining your child's friendship with her daughter over.
I would assume it's best not to mention it. Take your daughter out the day of the neighbor's birthday party so she won't feel like she's missing out. Get her ice cream, take her to the movies, or just run errands with her. If she asks, tell her that she and her friend will be going out just the two of them sometime soon to celebrate. Still invite this other little girl to your daughter's party. Just because she's a bitch doesn't mean you have to return the favor. (Though I can see why you might be tempted) :)
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