Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84225
Main Categories:
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16/f
Where I live, I'm only two years away from being at the legal drinking age. Of course it's bad for me to drink, but I rarely do. My question is about not drinking the alcohol, but just keeping it.
I have a place in my room where I can hide as much alcohol as I want and it will never be found. Whenever I get the chance to buy it, I do. But then I just stash it in that place and rarely drink it (once every few/several months at a party).
What I like to do however, is measure it, pour it and make calculations. I enjoy knowing that it's up there and calculating how much I have and what percentage of alcohol it contains. I'm not sure why I do this, but I find it interesting.
Could this lead to problems as an adult? Is this potentially risky behaviour? I guess I just like knowing I have something I shouldn't, and not feeing the need to actually drink it.
Thanks! =) (link)
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I think you have a future as a scientist. You have taken a keen interest in alcohol, probably because so many people use it. You wonder about it's properties, you wonder about it's affect. You measure and make note. I wouldn't be surprised is soon, you start measuring how much your friends and or family members drink, and how they react, and how they feel the next day. Actually the statistics on alcohol are faciniating. And their are scientists who study the affects of alcolhol on people and animals, and on society. etc. etc. I think the fact that you are very interesting in alcohol is incidental, to the fact that you are just very inquisitive and want to know as much about a "thing" as possible. Next month, or year, it may be somthing else that occupies your mind. I think you have a very inquisitive mind, and you have a bright future ahead of you. I also see that these skills you have will be put to good use, not just analysing alcohol, but other things as well. Perhaps you will discover a cure of cancer! Please take steps to nuture your natural inquisitiveness, by going to college and doing something great for mankind, as well as yourself.
I am very impressed. A lot of kids your age aren't interested in anything but themselves. Good luck in the future
Michele
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the only pimples i ever get are under the skin
and they hurt really bad!
i have one right now and its like killing me!
ive tried toothe paste, visine, and a hot rag
none of it works!
any suggestions?! (link)
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Yes, I can suggest something that definitly works, but most kids don't like it. It is Tea Tree Oil. It has a VERY strong oder. kind of like turpentine. But if you use it at night, only you will smell it. Tea Tree Oil gets absored into the skin, and it kills the bacteria in the pimple. And sooner that normal, the pimple goes away.
Origins, a skin care company, uses Tea Trea Oil in a product they make I think it is called Emergency Spot, or something like that. It has tea tree oil in it, and they have managed to maske the smell pretty good. It comes with cotton wand, and you dab it on pimples, new ones, old ones, etc. But plain old Tea Tree Oil is much cheaper. YOu can get it at health food stores, or vitamine shops. or on the internet.
It REALLY WORKS>
Michele
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15/f. i kinda like this kid, well i do like him. but anyway, last night i was talking to him online for like an hour and we were actually having like a real conversation and it was cool. but in school, its so different. i'm really shy, so online i'm good, but in person i dont know what to say. i was going to atleast smile or say hi to him today in school but i never got the chance. and he didnt do anything either so i think he's also a little shy. so how can i end up becoming atleast friends or more with him? i need to take small steps i cant just walk up to him and start a conversation b/c im like really shy. and i need to atleast become somewhat friends with him cuz i only have 2 weeks of school left and he's gonna be gone like almost the whole summer. and who knows if ill have any classes with him next year. helpppppp! (link)
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This is not unusual, even adults feel more comfortable talking on-line then they do in person. But if he is shy too, then you do need a plan. Why not, the next time you two are having a conversation on-line, talk about the next day you'll be in school, if it's monday, then say something like, hey are you going to be in school on monday? Cause if you are, can I meet you some place, cause I have something for you, (maybe a CD or CD of music you downloaded, or something, think of something that is "no big deal" that you could give him. And see what he says.
Maybe it is just the little push he needs. Then make the best of it. If it works try it again in a couple of days, and then before school is out, make plans to meet one day over your summer vacation.
HOpe it works out for you
Michele
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i just got a job bagging groceries .. it's not bad i just dreaddd going to work. how can i make the time like go by faster there and not hate it so much, and it's hard to talk to ppl cause im superrrr shy. (link)
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It is sad being super shy. Maybe that will change in time. But it won't change at all if you stay home and aren't around people. Work is the best place to learn how not to be shy. Cause you don't have to wait to be invited to work. (like a party) you work there! You're supposed to be there. Now you have something in common with the other people there. You all work at the same place, maybe you've all got a rotten boss, or maybe the old ladies that come in, make everyone nuts. YOu can share that with your co-workers. Stick it out, it will get better, and like I said, you'll get over your shyness better. And if you do agood job, they'll give you better jobs than bagging groceries. My son just got a job at a grocery store, and he's only been there three weeks, and now they are putting him in produce. OK, also not great, but more hours and more money.
Michele
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so today i heard my friend bill talking about going to play manhunt with a bunch of people later on. i asked if i can come and he's like sure, the people who organized it said i can invite whoever i want. so i was happy because i like manhunt but kind of felt weird because i knew no one who was going except bill. like mostly this 1 group of friends is going that i see in school but we arent friends at all. so later on i asked the girl who told bill that he cant invtite anyone he wants if i could come, because bill invited me, and shes like "well i dont know cause theres a bunch of people and they told me not to invite anyone." now i'm confused. it's at 7:30 at night. should i go? i hardly ever go out places and it sounds fun, but it WILL NOT be fun if i show up and like no one knows me or wants me there. i mean, think, if you were hanging with your friends and someone just heard that and you didnt know them and they came with you, wouldnt you think thats weird? (link)
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He invited you so go. If there was a misunderstanding, you'll find out when you get there, but maybe they'll let you stay anyway. I mean as long as you have a ride and all. You'll never know if you don't go.
Michele
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Every time i try to add a photo, i resize it, and everything and it says its too big.
whats going on? (link)
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I know I just went through that, and finally I managed to get a photo listed. It has to be real small, I had to minimize down to 125 by 90 pixels to get it to be accepted. Not much of a photo. Although they certainly look bigger on the screne here on the site. Anyway. If you photo is sitting on your desktop, right click on it, and a menu will come up, go to "properties" on the bottom of the menu, open that. It will tell you all about your picture, including how many K's it is. If it is more than 15Ks. it won't be accepted.
Need to make it smaller.
Michele
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i dont get how people order coffee from starbucks. theres a billion combinations to choose from. i dont know what i like even. i cant just like order different kinds. too much money. what is the difference between a frap and espresso and whatever? is there a site for this? (link)
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it is confusing, you've got to find one thing you like and stick with that. Frappe are cold, Expresso is very strong coffe, but most lattes and capachinno's are made with expresso coffee because they just contain a "shot" glass full of coffee and the rest is steamed milk and sugar and flavoring.
A VENTI is their largest size,
I forgot what the middle one is, and
TALL is the smallest drink. I love the lattes because they have the steamed milk it them. hey are light and frothy. I love the new "mocha orange" flavor, and the carmel marchiato, which is a latte, is also good. Pumpkin spice which they have in the winter is awesome, and the mocha lattes are OK. I usually don't get the cold drinks so I can't tell you much about them, but usually any flavor you like, you can get hot or cold.
Hope this helps.
Michele
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if i were to read kurt vonnegut, what books should i read first to get into his work? and what are the most popular of his? (link)
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Well slaughter house five is his most famous, and then I would say, Cat's cradle and then Mother Night. They are all five star! I can recommend any of his books.
Michele
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why do people with a loving family do bad things? (link)
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By this question, you are asking, I take it you mean that this person, perhaps a young person, did some bad things, even though you think he/she has a loving family. Well, my thought on that would be......
Perhaps the family is fooling you. or him/her.
My experience has been that when kids do really stupid or bad things, most often their families, are not as great as they appear to be to the outside world. Oh yeah, so maybe no other member of the family, robbed a bank, or drinks and drives, or takes drugs, BUT, have they ever had anything nice to say to the family member who gets in trouble on the time? Have they always been supportive? Have they been good parents, or selfish parents? Some kids hate themselves inside, because their parents always made them feel that they weren't good enough. These kinds of kids do get in trouble. They are just fulfilling their parent's prophecy. That they are not good enough, why be good, when no one expects you to be? If any of this sounds familliar, I am not surprised, as I see it every day in my son's teenage friends. I raised my kids differently, with kindness and patience and I rarely screamed or yelled. (just the opposite of how I was raised) They are great boys, they are musicans, one's in collge, they treat their girlfriends like gold, and they don't drink or do drugs. I trust them completely. They stay out of trouble because they want to. If you have more questions on this suject, you can leave me a private question if you like.
Michele
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Ok well you know how vagina is supposed to look like? (I can't find oen of those sketches on the internet right now..)
Well I'm 13 and i got my period 3 years ago and i'm thinking of wearing a tampon but i tried looking for it and even looked at it with the mirror but it's closed and there's no huge hole!
Looks very similar to this picture I found:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Vag1.jpg
What do i do?
Is that person's vagina there in the picture? If so, where? Can you circle it or something for me with paint so i know?
If you tell me clearly that'll work too. (link)
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Well I can't help you with the picture, but if you put some vasaline on the tip of the tampon, and just put it where you think it should go, and push, it will go in. Try that. After a few times, you won't need to use the vasaline.
Michele
EDIT: Sure, yes it is safe to use vaseline, temporarily until you get used to it. For many years, women used vaseline as a lubricant, in that area. So no problem. NOte: although the area of the tampon that has vasaline on it will NOT be absorbant, so you may have to change it sooner, so just use a little.
Michele
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I know that you're not supposed to drink when you have mono, but what happens if you do? (link)
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It further stresses out your liver. It will take longer to get better. Your liver has to metabolize the alcohol, but it has enough to do with dealing with the mono. It is just a precaution. Of course you know that too much alcohol is no good under any circumstances. And it may be the medication that you are on, if you are on any, that will be badly affected by the alcohol.
Michele
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ok a few months ago my bf cheated on me. long story, but i gave him another chance and things have been going really good. except that he continuted to be "friends" with this girl. i told him how much that bothered me, so he promised he wouldnt talk to her anymore, except just to say hi and stuff. soooo... now she's going out with one of our friends, "john". john doesnt know anything about what happened and thinks im friends with this girl (we're civil to each other, but we dont like each other). so john keeps suggesting that we all go out on a double date. my bf says maybe we should give it a try, it might be fun. but i really dont want to... i dont want my bf anywhere near her. but i also dont want to sound rude, or to look like an overprotective girlfriend. what should i do? (link)
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I don't think it would be rude of you to avoid a person with whom your boyfriend "cheated" on you with. It would be different if it were his old girlfriend and they had broken up and there was no way they were interested in each other any more. Don't blame yourself for not feeling comfortable around her. It's his fault, he cheated on you....with her! Duh, what does he expect. You forgave him and all, but that doesn't buy him a pass. You would be within your rights to refuse to double date with the other two.
Michele
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i think my girlfriends dad sexually abuses her. her parents are divorced and she has five older brothers but they all live on their own since there alot older than she is. i went over there for dinner one time because she said she was scared but she wouldnt tell me why and the whole meal her dad kept making perverted comments about her chest size. shes like a 36d which is nice. her dad was like wow molly your tits look huge i just wanna grab them. and she kept telling him to stop and saying not now dad please. and he kept asking me when i was gonna fuck her next. and he thinks she would be good in bed. she kept getting really embrassed. then all of a sudden he did grabb her and then she started crying and her dad told me to leave but she looked so scared i couldnt leave her. i took her to my house. and i kept asking her did he always do this to you and she wouldnt answer me. i dont know what to do. do you think he rapes her and sexually abuse her. thank you in advance. (link)
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Yes, I do think he has sexually abused her. It is her silence that gives us a clue. And yes I think he always treats her this way. It couldn't be new behavior on his part, and if it were, he certainly wouldn't try it in front of her boyfriend. If this were a new phase in his relationship with her, she wouldn't be so complacent. She would be mad as hell. Do you think she would let a stranger talk to her that way. Her inability to stop him, and her embarassment tells me that this started long ago, before she was able to mature and create her own identity. Sexual abuse is often accompanied by psycological abuse. He has convinced her that he (the dad) has some rights to her body, or he has blamed her, in any event, at this point she is powerless to stop him. She needs help, and it is good that you are there for her. There are people, officials and stuff, teachers too, that if they knew, they are required by law to report it. You are not required by law, but somehow, and with her cooperation, it needs to be reported and her dad needs to be arrested.
She may be embarassed and ashamed of herself. WOuld it help if you told her that no matter what happened, you know it is not her fault, and you would not judge her or think less of her if she were to tell you. Tell her that you are there to help her, and be supportive NO MATTER WHAT. Maybe you have already said these things.
He belongs in jail, I hope you are strong enough to help her through this. She doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. There are many people and agencies that are ready willing and able to help her. Problem though, does she have a place to stay if the police arrest her dad? Is she a minor now, (though I am sure she was one when the abuse started)
How powerful is her dad in the community? Does he have a lot of money, friends, politicians? I hope not. Hopefully he is just an uneducated, poor jerk, and if so, they will just arrest him and put him in jail. One other thing if your girl friend is a minor, she may end up in a foster home, where things could even get worse. I hope she is not, and I hope you do report him. You are a good guy, and she needs your help.
Michele
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I am really bored.People tell me to get a life.How do I do that.Please tell me how I should get a life,get rid of my boredom,meet new people and make new friends. Any answers are appreciated
(link)
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Find something you are passionate about, and do it. And you will meet other people who are also passionate about it, and you will have that in common and maybe become instant friends.
Here are some suggestions.
mountain biking,
moutain climbing
camping
skate boarding
volunteer at a dog pound or veternarian
voluteer to help out with little kids
volunteer to help out with a young soccer team or other sports team
take a course on web page design, lots of guys there.
Take advantage of any "free first lessons" you can find, in either tennis, golf, or some other sports.
Volunteer with a group that is saving the whales, the elephants, or some other aninaml.
Volunteer at a summer camp.
become a life guard
If physical activity is not what you like, try a book club. Start a book club
Volunteer at the library.
Volunteer for the Salvation army, or the red cross.
Volunteering is one of the best ways to learn skills that can turn into paying jobs later. You gain skills and gain confidence in yourself.
I don't know if there are any US Girlscout Camps near you, but many of them have young volunteers. YOu learn a lot, and the young kids really look up to you, and respect you. I think you have to be at least 15 though.
As you meet people who like the same things you do, they will right away think you are special and you'll make friends easy. That is of course if you are sincere.
Well these are just suggestions.
Hope some of them interest you
Michele
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Okay, so there is this boy. We never went out, but we told said we loved each other and he said he wants to ask me out SO bad. But then, he all of the sudden got back with his ex. I was sooo hurt, and he knew it. We didnt talk for weeks at a time and then we started to talk again. We've become so close again like best friends that will never be like that again. Then one day, he said his former ex broke up with him again, and now he says he loves me. How do I know that he means it? How do I know that he actually does love me? (link)
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I don't think he does, it sounds to me like he is in love with the idea of being in love. He can't stand to be alone. Not even for a week or so to get over his ex. He sound very immature to me. He has already hurt your feelings. He shouldn't have been telling you that he loved you when he wasn't over his ex yet. And how do you know she won't be back. She is probably as needy as he is. And if she know she can get him back any time she wants, every time she is dumped or dumps someone, she'll call him again. Sounds to me like you are setting yourself up for a long string of heart aches.
I think you should look for someone else. Well I I hope you do.
Michele
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. We have done everything sexual except anal sex. He has always wanted to try it but from my friends experiences I'd rather not. Recently I have been thinking about it and i kind of wanted to try it but I don't know how bad it will hurt. Can anyone share there experiences or thoughts to help me decide? (link)
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It feels very very weird. Most girls don't like it.I can hurt, if he is really large. And if he does it too long, it can hurt also. Let me say this. Gay guys, who like it that way, have a number of problems in that area. Anal fissures, tears inside the colon, infections, etc. etc.
Don't do it if you don't want to. It feels like you are making a bowel movement. REally, and don't think he won't get some sh*t on his penis because he will. Don't let him place it in your vagina after. He needs to clean up. Soap and hot water. Best of all, don't do it if you don't want to. STand your ground. If you are good about doing everything else, he should be happy. No one gets everything they want in one person.
Michele
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i met this guy this past week at a camp. we didnt talk much but we were both eyeing each other. were both kinda shy and im not used to the guy being shy. so first of all, i dont know how to act around him. also, i have issues trusting guys, i just dont want to get hurt. so how do i know if hes playing a game with me? and how do i get him back if he is? (link)
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It is a dilema, I know. You don't want to get hurt, but you don't want to be alone either. so how do you trust someone? Well you just don't let them go too far. In the beginning, each person in a realtionship is on their best behavior. So you spend ENOUGH time together to get to know each other. Bad guys, or guys that just want to use you, won't be abel to be good for say four or five months. (depending on how often you see each other) If he is just interested in using you, he'll get tired of waiting and go find someone easier. There are always easier girls that guys can find when they just want sex and don't want to be in a committed relationship. Only time will tell if he is a "keeper" or not. There are so many girls today, and maybe guys too, who wish that they had waited a few weeks or months more, before they gave their heart to someone, only for him/her to leave when they were most vulnerable.
As far as not being shy. the best thing I have found is to ask people about themselves. Most people love to talk about themselves. Since you hardly know him, you can ask him if he has any brothers or sisters....what does he like to do with his best friend.....what musice does he listen too. etc, etc.
See how much you have in common, that is one thing that binds people together...the more they have in common. Despite how the saying goes....opposites do NOT attract.
Michele
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If you're watching your weight, what is the best type of food to get at a pizza place/italian restaurant? Thanks! (link)
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I am watching my weight too, but we still love pizza, we get it without cheese, yeah we got a lot of funny looks at first, but it's good really. Scillian pizze is just sauce and grated cheese. Don't get the pepperoni, or sausage or bacon, those are all full of fat. Veggies with no cheese is good.
Michele
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ok there are these shoes called crocs I think. they are those plastic type shoes that are like 8 dollars at walmart. people have told me they are comfy but i dont see it ... they are hard plastic basically. Are they really comfy? will they help me if im on my feet say, 9 or so hours a day? (link)
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OMG, I couldn't believe it when I purchased a pair of real crocs. they were comfortable! I couldn't see it either, but they were. I don't know about the cheap knock offs at Wal-Mart though. I know that nurses love to wear crocs, and they are on their feet all day, and crocs are waterproof (or blood proof ewwww!)
You might be able to find a real pair of crocs on ebay for $15.00 or so.
Michele
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This summer I want to get into shape[getting a four pack], Personally I think I have a lot of fat on my stomach, like I have a little pouch sorta but I'm not fat just saying :) , So what exercises should I do and what Should I eat? (link)
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stomach crunches. leg lifts with weights. Look them up on google, and you will see pictures and explanations of how to do the properly. Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, good protein, like chiken and fish. Don't eat junk food.
chips, french fries, ice cream, cakes, pies, cookies, etc. etc.
Michel
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