I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173025
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hi..i'm 13..yea i kno.i'm pretty young. buh jus d other day one of my guy friendz wuz sucking me..i guess u culd probably figure out where. n he wantz 2 do it buh we r not even goin out. i want 2 do it s0 bad tho.buh i'm not sure wut 2 do.i tink i shuld wait until i get a b/f who wantz 2 do it.not sure if i culd wait.i wuz plannin on wearin d condom..buh i'm wonderin if i have more of chance of gettin pregnant if i were it or if he wearz it..which one is better? i'm scared..i need tipz on evryting..diz iz my 1st time!! help!..thanx (link)
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Okay, there are two types of condom - a male condom, and a female condon. Only ONE of these should be worn, as using both increases the risk of condom breakage.
The female condom is more expensive and not as readily accesible, though a large pharmacy should sell them. It is larger than the male condom and has two ring. One is the opening of the condom, which would hang outside of your vagina. The other is inside the condom, which would help keep it in place.
The male condom is cheaper. It comes in many varieties, but the condom should be approved by an accediting body - and ones with spermacide offer extra protection against pregnancy. The condom rolls down the penis and stays in place.
Either condom can only be used once. The male condom is 98% effective if used perfectly, and the female condom is 95% effective. It is important you read all the instructions in the package, and practice first if neccesary.
It's good that you are thinking about protection and taking reponsibility, but it's also terrific that you are questioning if this is how you want to lose your virginity.
If you have any qualms and would rather wait until you were in a relationship, then it's probably best to follow your heart. After all, losing your virginity is a step you can never repeat, so make sure you're happy and comfortable with the who, how, and when.
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What is the average percent of females in the world that do actually cum? I know its not many but just a wierd question. Thanx (link)
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I'm assuming that you mean women who ejaculate when they orgasm. I'm not sure what an 'average' statistic would be, nor am I aware that there IS an average.
Many women release extra liquid at the point of orgasm, but not many ejaculate in a noticeable way. Normally the extra lubricant can just make the vagina wetter, or it can gush out and get onto the bed, thighs, etc.
When it comes to vaginas and orgasms, everyone truly is different. Whatever is normal for you is probably very normal indeed, since 'normal' covers such a wide range!
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i am 16 years old and i have big droppy breast and i want a reduction today will it get paid for by my local hospital (link)
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I'm not sure which country you are writing from, and if it is one that has national health insurance or private insurance.
Either way, you are unlikely to get a 'free' breast reduction at your age. The breasts do not stop growing until around age 18, and many reputable surgeons will not perform surgery on a woman younger than that.
If you want a reduction when you are slightly older, in order for insurance to cover the operation you will have to hit several requirements. These include not being very overweight, as well as health problems that are associated with larger breasts. Your doctor will be able to access you to see if you hit the criteria - if you have no health problems because of the size of your breasts and just want a reduction for cosmestic purposes, you'll probably have to pay for it.
Best of luck.
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i,m mrs george.my periods always coming 5-10 days early every month .i would like to know my most fertile time to get pregnant.i conceived feb2006 but had abortion at 7 weeks.(i conceived by taking clomid 50mg for 5 days-started on my second day of periods.)whats the reason for abortion?if this may again happen in future pregnancy?how i know my most fertile time(ovulation time) (link)
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It's hard to pinpoint ovulation when your cycle varies dramatically - not to mention that every female body is different. A first step is to start charting your periods. The first day your period arrives is Day 1. Continue counting days until your next cycle.
Keep track of how long they are each month. If they swing wildly around, you might want to consider talking to your doctor. If you are trying to actively conceive, your doctor can give you information - such as how to chart your body temperature, check the softness of your cervix, and observe the patterns in your discharge. There are also home kits that test for ovulation.
The best way to conceive (if you want to conceive naturally) is to talk to your doctor and have plenty of sex! Sperm can live in your body for up to 7 days, so it's a good idea to have sex during the period leading up to ovulation, as well as when you are actually ovulating.
As for your miscarriage, there are a number of reasons this might have happened. As sad as it is, many women lose their babies in the first 12-15 weeks - and some don't even realize they are pregnant. This is a time to be very cautious - watching stress, alcohol/drug intake, etc. A doctor will be able to give you guidelines on appropriate eating habits, vitamins, etc.
Losing one baby at 7 weeks doesn't mean you will not be able to carry a baby to full term in the future. If you are concerned, you really need to see a doctor who could provide you with more detailed information and advice.
Best of luck.
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my boyfriend had finger me and then after that i look into my panties and i saw blood on there what does that mean when someone fingers u that u start bleeding is that a good thing or bad thing? (link)
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Well, blood is never a good thing - but it doesn't mean it's bad, either.
You could be bleeding from a tear, or from the remainder of your hymen being torn. If this is your first time being fingered, it's probably your hymen (otherwise called a 'cherry') - if not, your boyfriend might have caught a bit of your skin with his nail.
Stick a pad on. The blood should stop fairly soon. If it gets heavier or does not stop, you'll want to see a doctor.
Chances are things are fine.
If either of you has had sexual contact with people before, you may want to consider getting tested for STDs as blood is involved.
Best of luck.
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I found out through mutual friends that my ex-boyfriend is getting married. Just today, I recieved a group email from him with the news that, not only is he getting married, but that his fiance is 3 1/2 months pregnant. It has been four years since we've been together and I am completely happy that it ended, so why am I feeling so sad? (link)
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Well, at some point you cared for this person. That part of you is probably remembering any good times you had - and also any expectations you had of the relationship lasting longterm.
It's quite normal to feel sad about this...especially as it may mean that your ex is moving on with his life before you are. Marriage isn't everything, though, and if you're happy the relationship ended then you're in the right place at the right time, for you.
Go with the feelings, as they're normal. It's okay to feel sad when someone manages to find happiness with a person that didn't mesh well with you, but it's no judgement on you as a person.
Stick with remembering that no matter how you feel now, you are happy it's over. I'm sure there were solid reasons the relationship ended, and if you feel particularly blue you can think about these again.
Best of luck.
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hey im 16 and last night me and my bf were making out and he decided to finger me hard. it hurt yet at the same time felt so good. when i got home i could still feel the sensation but it stung a little when i urinate. then i woke up this morning and found some blood on my panties and now i have to wear a pad. im kinda scared that he might of ripped something. is this normal and what should i do? (link)
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If he fingered you especially hard - and had any rough edges on his nails - then there's a good chance he might have caught torn the skin in your vagina. If this was your first time having this experience, he might have also torn the remainders of your hymen.
If either of the above are the cause of the bleeding, it's quite normal and won't cause any lasting damage. Because blood is involved, it's a good idea to get yourself (and boyfriend) tested if either of you has had a sexual partner in the past.
The stinging when you urinate tends to make me think you've got a tiny tear. If the bleeding gets worse or doesn't stop over the next few hours, you'll need to see a doctor. You may bleed again the next few times you do this, if you do it before the skin has a chance to heal.
Over time, you shouldn't feel any pain or discomfort when you are getting fingered. If you do, lubrication might help.
Best of luck.
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None of my friends are very...um... supportive of me. I came out to them about being bisexual and now they're freaked. My own brother even treats me different. I used to be against gay relationships to...until I couldn't get girlfriends. I experimented with some guy friends of mine (not sex, just kissing) and it got me aroused. I've dated some guys and those relationships have been just as good as (or better) than the relationships I've had with girls. Since all of my friends are straight, I feel like I should be too. I want to marry a girl, not a guy, but why do I want to date guys and kiss guys? I've even though about sex with another guy. What should I do? How can I sort out my feelings? (link)
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This is a toughie, as trying to sort out your identity is a tricky thing that could take years. The best advice I can give, although probably also the most frustrating, is to just your time and see where life leads you.
Right now you are dating both genders, though you say some of your better relationships have been with males. That's okay. You're fine. If you are bisexual or gay, you are who you are.
It's disappointing that your friends aren't as supportive as they could be, but if you feel this confused about your identity - imagine what they must be feeling. It generally takes time for people to accept what they see as major changes. But whatever your sexuality, hopefully they'll begin to see that you are the same person you've always been .... they just know you better now.
In the meantime, date who you want to date. Guys or girls, the best way to land in a happy relationship is to follow your heart. Don't rush to put any expectations on to yourself or the future, as these can limit you. Try to be as honest and true to yourself as you can, and the answers about who you are will follow.
Best of luck.
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when you go to to the doctor do they tell your parents if youve been having sex?
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This depends on what country you live in and what age you are.
The best thing to do is to ask your doctor/clinic about their policy on confidentiality BEFORE you share anything with them you would not like your parents to know.
A doctor should be able to directly answer your questions about what they will/will not share with a parent or guardian. If you're not happy with their answer, find another service that will respect your privacy.
Services that cater to young people are excellent. Also, telling a doctor the full truth about your life - including your sexual activity - only means you will get more accurate and appropriate services.
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I'm 13/f. I have like, one of the top grades in the school.I'm, well naturally smart. I know that my category is mental health above, but nothing else could describe this feeling.
Basically, I'm your average teen. I get crushes, though mine seem to last longer than others, like about 5 years. But my life feels so incomplete. I have a 5 year old sister. Our relationship is stronger than others. When she was an infant, I literally was her mother when my mother was at work in the mornings. I still am, even though she's in kndergarten and ready 2 face the world! But ever sice she was turning 4, she's been driving me up the wall. She sometimes doesn't listen to me, she picks fights with me, and she literally has sex with a giant teddy bear now!
I also have an out of control father. Before my grandfather died, he told my mother why my dad is like that. He has a mental problem. A really bad temper. It's not your average temper. Those peeps who study the mental health stuff even agree on that. But when he's not in his psyco stage, he's a normal father.
My mom is okay though. She 's very proud of me. But with this family, I have no life. I'm very responsible, don't u think I need some freedom?! I know they want to do what's best for me, and I understand. I also know that they are trying to protect me. I've calmly explained to them that I need some space. They said no.
One last thing is that I have no friends. No on e at school likes me a lot, and it's not because I'm a freaky little genius, which I'm not! It's because a lot of them came from my old elementary school, and the same memories of me being a shrimpy little weirdo is still in their heads. I've outgrown that. But they don't understand. I sit hours and hours in my room, crying about my sister, my social life, my limited amount of freedom. While others get by on luck, I work hard for success. I want to slide by once in a while. With school, a crazy family, and no one to confide in, I often think about killing myself. Three times I've suffocated myself, choked myself, and another time, I tried to get severe hypothermia. Hypothermia can't really kill you so easily though. Everyone I know has failed me. I can't llok up to anyone. I'm a girl, without a lot to say, a lot to do, and a lot on her mind. What I also need is advice. Talk me out of killing myself! I can't do it! I want to go to Adventureland every summer like I usually do! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (link)
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Okay, let me try to answer one thing at a time. First of all, it's natural for a small child to begin to fight with those who have cared for her - much like a teenager, she is beginning to want her independence. She's learning the power of the word 'no' and trying to become her own little person. This isn't a personal attack on your ability as a sister, she's just growing up.
Her having sex with a teddy bear is also pretty normal. Kids masturbate almost from infancy, and kids her age will often indulge in some sexual play. Also a part of growing up.
Your dad - is he getting help? How much of the time is he angry, and how much of the time isn't he? If he's not a risk to your safety and his temper is short-living, thinking up some strategies to cope can help you. Perhaps staying in your room, writing in a journal, etc. You could also try talking to him when he isn't angry about your feelings - making him more aware of your emotions might help him think about the impact of his temper.
It sounds as though things are pretty good with you and your mom. Why not use her as a sounding board to talk through your feelings?
As far as school goes, I understand how bad your situation is. Making friends can be hard in the best of situations, and it seems as though you've got a lot of stuff surrounding you that's only making it harder.
Is there anything in specific you're interested in? Sports, drama, choir, etc? Joining a group like this automatically puts you with people who share at least one common interest. Working as part of a team can be an excellent way to begin to bond with people.
If things at your school are too tough for you to want to risk yourself, why not get involved in the community? There should be a community education booklet you can get, which will have after school/weekend clubs, classes, etc. Dance, karate, pottery, acting, sports - all ways to get a fresh start without being in your school.
Unfortunately, I can't talk you out of wanting to kill yourself. If I could I certainly would, as it seems as if you're in a bad situation that you WILL outgrow - you just need some patience and new ways to cope.
Stop investing all your time at home in your sister - take some of that time and get involved in a group of people your own age. Your family should be supportive if you find an actual, concrete thing you would like to join. That way, rather than saying, 'I want more freedom!' you can say, 'I want to take such-and-such a class on Tuesday afternoons and Saturday mornings.' This gives them less to freak out about, and gives you a chance to start proving that you can handle some more independence.
Right now, you are physically harming yourself, and it doesn't sound as if it's making you any happier. Your school should have a counsellor that you can see confidentially - do ask her/him about what situations they might have to break confidentiality in before you begin working with them. Sometimes just having the space to vent, cry, be angry, and try to figure things out can make a huge difference.
A counsellor is also objective because they aren't in your family, so they will really try to see things from your perspective and not judge you.
If thinking about Adventureland helps you want to stay alive, then focus on that. Also think about other short-term things you are looking forward to.
Get a system in place to help you the next time you feel suicidal - a national free helpline number you can call, a counsellor, or an adult you trust can help you when you need it.
Finally, if you stick with the painful process of growing up and into yourself, you'll be amazed at how much you'll find to live for - and most of it will be right within yourself.
Please do write again if you need more support.
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i need to find a service that helps people who are gay bisexual or lezbian where is it loctaed and what they do to help and how much it costs and also the contact details
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This complete depends on your age, location, and needs.
There are services for leisure groups (of all sorts - from hiking to clubbing), counselling, advice work, sexual health, etc.
Depending on what you want, you can try looking online or in the phone book. Many of these groups and services will be free, while you may need to pay if counselling is what you want.
If you know the contact details of ANY service that works with lesbian, gay, or bisexual people you can call them and they should help point you in the direction of the appropriate service.
Best of luck.
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we've been daten on and off lately. im 15 and he is 19 i know its illegal but we feel strong feelings for each other. and i owe him the chance of being with him since he is putting everything on the line for me. so my question is should i be with him or avoid a relationship? (link)
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The first rule of a healthy relationship: you don't 'owe' another person anything. That's not the right reason to be with someone. You should be in a relationship because you choose to be there.
While this guy might seem great, you are correct in pointing out that sex would not be legal. Aside from that, there is quite a difference between 15 and 19 - you're still in high school and have a way to go, while he's presumeably been there and done that.
It's usually best to date people in the same stage of life as you. If you find someone who's the right person, at the right time, you won't even have to question it. The fact that you're questioning this possible relationship makes me think it's not the best choice for you, and you know it.
You totally deserve to be with someone because you all-the-way want to, and age is always a complication.
Either way, I wish you the best of luck!
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Ok guys...well you see...I think I might be pregnant....I haven't had my period since like Feb. so I'm pretty sure I am..but my problem is..that I'm 15 and my boyfriend is 19, and I really actually want this baby, because ya know if I was able to lay down and have unprotected sex..then I am able to take care of my baby...but, I'm just afraid that my mom is going to freak out and call the cops on my boyfriend and he is going to get thrown in jail because of the age difference. I'm so confused and I don't want an abortion and my boyfriend (whom I love) to be in jail...so, if any one has any advice..it is GREATLY appreciated!!!! (link)
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This is a tricky situation, but if you are pregnant than your number one priority needs to be your child. This means that you need to be getting medical information and support as quickly as possible - pre-natal care is a hugely important to make sure the pregnancy is developing in a healthy way. A doctor will also be able to support you with info about foods, medication, etc.
Of course, you need to take a pregnancy test to make sure you are pregnant. If you are, you'll need to tell your mother - it'll become obvious as soon as you start to show, anyway, and you'll need medical attention before then. Hopefully her priority will be HER child, and she'll be able to offer you support without blaming your boyfriend.
She probably will freak out at first, as this is big news. Regardless of her reaction, you will need to stand up for yourself and your child. A counsellor can help you further explore your reasons for wanting to keep the baby as well as helping you prepare for being a mother. A professional can also give you more info about abortion and adoption should you decide this is best for you.
In the meantime, you'll also want to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. If you've had unprotected sex, there's a chance you could have contracted something - and it may or may not have an affect on your baby.
While you obviously need to focus on yourself, if you choose to keep a baby you can make decisions based on what is best for that child. That will take courage, but it is worth it.
Best of luck.
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okay theres this guy back home, i love him so much and we are planning on getting married and starting a family. im dating another guy here at home, but the guy who isnt here is in my old state, and we are wanting to get together in the summer, and right now he wants to build up a long distance relationship. the guy im with now, things arnt working out. the guy, from the other state is an ex, but we broke up on good terms, over drama in like high school. im so confused, because i dont want to hurt the guy im with. he cries whenever something doesnt go his way, and the guy SWEARS he is in love with me and wants me to be his wife. i just dont know, im in love with someone else. i dont know what to do. PLEASE HELP! =(
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It's not a good enough reason to be with someone just because they say they love you and want to be their wife. A good reason to be with someone is because YOU love them (and it's returned) and YOU can picture yourself with them long-term.
You very clearly state that you are in love with one of these guys. If you feel that strongly about him and he returns the feeling, then why are you dating anyone else?
Just be honest and tactful when you break up with the guy you don't love, and then you're free to be with the person who you feel happiest with.
Best of luck.
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15/f ok i just read someones questions that she thought she was les because she dont get horny when she thinks of guys having sex with a girl but she gets horny when she thinks of a girl with a girl she gets horny...well my problem is like that to ...kindof...ok i do get horny when i think of a guy with a girl...but i get even hornier when it think of a guy on a guy....i dont know why...is that weird?what can i do to stop? is this normal?am i a freak?!? (link)
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When it comes to sexual fantasy, anything goes.
It's a great opportunity to explore lots of situations that you may never face in real life, as well as completely natural and healthy.
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Im about 6 months pregnant and I get arosed all the time. Will it hurt the baby if I masterbate or you a vibrator? (link)
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Sex/masturbation is fine during a normal, healthy pregnancy. Your doctor will be able to give you more guidelines about masturbation and other concerns.
It's normal to get aroused a lot at different stages of pregnancy as well - after all, you've got hormones flooding your body!
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okay ive heard that there is a right and a wrong way to use a condom. is this true? i thought you just put it on and your set to go...please help! i rate 5's. (link)
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The right way:
1. Checking the expiration date on the condom packet. Looking to make sure it has a little symbol on it saying it meets standards.
2. Pressing on a corner of the individual condom packet - if the air fills up the other corner, you know there is no puncture in the packet.
3. Making sure when tearing open the packet not to rip the condom.
4. Carefully looking at the condom to make sure you're putting it on the right way. It should be able to unroll smoothly over the penis. If the guy has accidentally put it the wrong way round, he needs to throw the condom away and use a fresh condom - semen may have gotten onto the inside of the condom if he tried to unroll it the wrong way.
5. The tip of the condom needs to be squeezed when it is unrolled. This leaves a gap for the semen to enter. Semen ejects from the penis at an unbelieveable fast rate, and this force will just pop the condom if there is air in the tip.
6. When the male withdraws, he needs to make sure to hold the condom onto the base of his penis so there's no chance of leaving it in the female or spilling.
Also - never, ever use two condoms. The friction between them hugely increased the chances of the condoms tearing. Condoms are 98% effective when used correctly, and help prevent both pregnancy and STDs.
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The other night I had sex. My period left about 8 hours before I had sex that night. All of a sudden in the middle of me and my boyfriend doing it, I started bleeding. It was weird thought because we stopped having sex and the next morning, nothing was on the tampon. Did I bleed because I had my period or could I have just been sensitive down there? (link)
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Assuming this isn't the first few times you've had sex, then the bleeding was probably related to your period.
This is particularly true if your period tends to tailor off gradually. If you had some blood still ready to come out, getting sexually excited will create a lot of lubricant - this can make the blood come out a little faster than normal. The contractions of orgasm, not to mention a penis pressing against your cervix (where blood would come through) can also affect these things.
Chances are there's nothing to worry about.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now and I'm having a few issues with the choices he's making. Now, I need really mature people to answer this. I have always not really liked certain type of guys such as with piercings and tattoos and mohawks and stuff. I fully understand that not ALL of those people are bad. But I have been brought up in a really good family with morals and I want a guy who doesn't look like that. My boyfriend has told me that he is wanting to get a few tattoos and it will be happening very soon. I'm really upset about this, I feel like it's going to change him because he's been changing a lot lately. He's going downhill and I've confronted him with these feelings and he got totally defensive and told me to stop acting like his mom. I admit that I did put my foot down and say that I'm not dealing with it when he told me, but then I tried to keep saying that I'm really worried because tattoos are permanant decisions!
Like I said, I need someone with morals to answer this. I don't want a speech stating that I should just accept him, I do accept him, but tattos are a decision, it doesn't define who he is.
I will rate and let you know what I think of your advice.
Thank you so much in advance (link)
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Well, you're right. Tattoos are a decision. Ultimately, the only one who will decide how many tattoos he gets is your boyfriend.
If tattoos and piercings are outside of your usual experience, I can understand that they might seem unappealing, hallmarks of depravity, etc. But the simple fact is that they are a personal choice about personality, identity, and sometimes just vanity. Getting a tattoo will not change your boyfriend - after all, it's only a bit of ink on a small patch of skin.
If your boyfriend is changing, it's happening on his insides and far from his skin. This COULD be who 'he really is;' there is a huge growth spurt in personalities in the teens and twenties. Psychologists say that the personality doesn't really begin to 'set' until the mid-twenties.
So far from moving away from who he really is, he might be moving INTO who he really is.
Just as the tattoos are his choice, your reactions are yours. Arguing and putting your foot down will only distance him. Talking calmly about what your worries are might open things up a bit - instead of fixating on the outside, share your concerns about his insides.
Ultimately, of course, if you feel unable to deal with his changes or tattoos, you will want to think about ending the relationship. While this might be painful if you've been considering a future together, it will allow you both a chance to meet someone who you both are more suited to.
Best of luck.
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I am a 30 year old, married woman with 3 kids. My husband is very great to me and other than the usual bickering & disagreements, we don't have any major problems in our relationship. MY problem is...I keep developing crushes on other men! Whenever I start talking to an attractive guy for a period of time, either from work, my husbands friends or my friends' husbands, I start to "feel" something for them! I just don't understand why I am so prone to doing this. Any input would be greatly appriciated. (link)
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Essentially, you're human. Humans, by nature, are sexual and social beings. Many fantasize about celebrities or crushes even when in the happiest marriage.
If you've been married a long time, then routine could have set in - and this will make new men even more attactive.
This isn't something to feel guilty about. In fact, feeling these attractions and not acting on them is the mark of a truly committed person.
If you feel you'd like to spice your life up, a spot of roleplaying could be interesting - and weekends away from the kids.
Best of luck.
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