xXsarahlizXx's advice column

askxXsarahlizXx

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: I'm not sure where to turn. I feel like I have run out of options and I just can't cope.

I've seen a pyschiatrist, physchologist, hypnotherapist and counseller- none helped. I recently went to my head of year when things were really too much- to the extent when it was either help or die- and she, although she said she wouldn't since she saw it wouldnt help, has just asked a counseller to speak to me. I need real help. I know it can help to talk through fears and everything but it hasn't helped me in the past and I cannot put myself through the pain of living for the date where I saw a therapist and begging them to help me. It was hell and it never really helped anything.

I need SOMETHING more now. Things are really bad at the moment. It's hard to explain but basically I have complete phobias of lots of things (certain films, accents, places, anything) that I can relate to a certain person who hurt me. I don't want to go into this since it's not overly relevent to this question.

I just want to know if there is ANYTHING else out there. I really don't know what to do. I want to die. I feel like everything is helpless and no one can help me. I'm not allowed medication as the pyschiatrist felt I was too dependant on things. I don't know where else to turn. My parents don't either.

The reason I went to my head of year was for this reason- I am totally stuck. I can't handle it. I feel like I am falling and no one can stop me. I need help so badly- I just can't see anything out there.

Please reply if you can; thankyou xxxx

hey im not going to try to diagnos what you have like some others have because im no doctor. but look you CAN make it through your fears. i wish death was onw of your phobias so we wouldnt have to worry about suicide but neither of us appears to be that lucky. look just take all the time you need to work with different doctors. keep trying. dont give up on your life. keep putting yourself with people you know love you. they will keep you from hurting yourself. have someone else keep and give you medication if your not trusted with it. look im me(secretzxXxwithin) or email me or something if you need to talk or just need someone to listen. good luck. i KNOW you will make it.

Q: ok this might be long.. im 14/f.. im best friend who i love so much is going out with this very possesive guy.. hes always with her and always wants to be with her.. hell get mad when shes with me, and if he doesnt see her he will get mad.. they always get mad at eachother for stupid things.. and shes always in a bad mood when im with her because she knows her bf is mad.. i hate it when shes in bad moods because she never was until she went out with this guy.. i mean they dudes a great guy but hes just way too possesive.. so they got into an argument when i was at my best friends house.. my friend ran upstairs crying and i had no idea what to do.. i went up and i heard her crying so hard.. ive never heard anyone cry like that before.. she was taking all the pictures of her and her bf and throwing them everywhere.. slamming picture frames against the door.. i didnt know what to do i just hugged her.. so we went out that night.. her bf apologized and wanted to go back out with her.. and of course she said yes and they were hugging and kissing not even 4 hours later.. they are a real serious couple.. but you dont understand how pissed i was to see them like that.. i have a feeling that he knows he will always get his way.. my friend didnt know if she should go back out with him.. but she did.. i dont know but it makes me angry.. im invisible to her when shes with her bf but when shes mad she always expects me to be there for her.. and i am but she cant be doing this.. i dont know what do you think?

well dont leave her. that would be the worst thing to do. i mean if yo udo and things and for good with her b/f then you need to be the one for her to turn to. when she was upset holding her was the best thing to do. i hate it when friends change when they start going out with someone. but look they wont go out forever. try to make her see that she deosnt need him if he is going to control her and that she deos need to be indpendent a little more. to me it doesnt sound like a very good relationship and should end. just be patient with her. her b/f just sounds really insecure. there thats all i have to say. hope it helped a little.

Q: so i'm selectively mute and i'm trying to be more outgoing i guess. i feel like i'm annoying my boyfriend..like i'm not a really good girlfriend or anything. i call him every other day and talk to him but not so much like everyone else. We talk on AIM and stuff but i don't know what to talk to him about. We have similar interests and stuff but it seems like i can't keep up with conversation. We haven't been going out for long but i worry a lot so yeah... i'm not all that open...and i need help on that. Can you give me ideas with conversation and ways to be more open with replies? i just don't want to say something wrong heh...

why dont you do something together then you'll have some memories to talk about. but really you could talk about anything. Dont worry about saying something wrong just be yourself(hopefully you know what "yourself" is) maybe yo ushould tell your boyfriend about your fears or what you've told me. See what he says. maybe your not annoying him at all. maybe he likes you like that. ask him and find out. there's something to talk about right there.

Q: I'm a fourteen-year old female I have a girlfriend that I really love but never see. When she talks about sex, she reminds me of my rapist so we haven't had sex yet and I don't think I want to. Every time we talk about getting together she talks about sex, but she writes me poetry and she's really loving. She's suicidal and I feel like protecting her. She hasn't come out to her parents yet and I think she feels safe with me. What should I do? She sort of creeps me out, mostly because she cares about sex so much. I'm a virgin save for my molestation when I was 7 through 8. I don't think she gets that I'm touchy about it, no pun intended (dark humor, sorry). I used to cut myself but I stopped, and she still wants me to. I told her I stopped and she asked me why not. She still does. Her mom's always on heroin and she does pot. I want and don't want to dump her at the same time. Should I break up with her?

wow. well... alright. i would stick with her until shes a little more stable. it almost sounds like if you dump her it could put her over the edge. but if shes going down you shouldnt go with her. its really GOOD that you stopped cutting. you shouldnt do it because she deos. try to get her to understand that you dont wanna have sex and that your still bothered a lot by what happened to you. if she deosnt get it or gets mad most likely she will dump you which i think would be better than you dumping her.

Q: ok im 13 female and i cut myself but not as much as i ust to i mean i havent in a week or 2 but my best friend betray me and my ex. bf still likes me and i dont no wat to do cuz his best friend makes me feel bad and i just tell myself not to cut becuz i dont want to but sometimes i have to like its the only thing i can count on to help me but i realli dont want to tell anyone so i dont no wat do can you help me?

hey well it'll be alright. You know you have to stop. Get away from anything you can use to cut yourself. Take it one day at a time. There are other ways to ease your pain. You dont have to inflict it on yourself. Confide in someone. If you really cant stop on your own then please find someone you trust anyone you trust and tell them. You could even admit yourself to a hospital if it goes that far.not doing it as much as you used to is a little comforting. email or im me on aim (secretzxXxwithin)if you need someone to talk to.

Q: Ok, I have this friend that was my friend since K-gartin. Now, she was great up until 2nd grade, then she started acting mean, selfish, dumb and she just wasn't really fun anymore. So the last couple years I have been trying to 'break up with her' but she is trying to be realy tight with me like in the olden days. Last week she was saying that I had problems and I was mean. I got mad at her and she knows I was mad at her, but now she wants me to forgive her. This is the position that I always wanted to be in so that I could totaly 'ditch' her. But, I don't want to make her tell her mom and cry like she did in 3rd grade when I 'ditched' her. We had a long talk and she got her way. I don't want that to happen again. Can you tell me how to ditch her without her getting sad and angry and everything that she was in 3rd grade?!? That would be a BIG help! Thanks,

-Desprate for a break

well i would like to know how old you girls are now. there really isnt a good way to 'ditch' a friend especailly one that wants to be your friend. im sorry thats probably not want you want to hear. well make sure you're ditching hre for good reasons and not selfish ones. and i wouldn't worry about the girls mother. She has nothing to do with you. but a real friend deosnt doesnt tell you that youre mean and have problems. i would just do it gradually like hang out with her less and less. get her to make other friends and just go your seperate ways. dont be mean about it. there are just some people in the world that you just have to let them get what they want but theyre never satisfied. you just have to go with them and keep your dirty thoughts to yourself.

Q: ok, here's the story: i liked this guy (let's call him Bob) and my friend likes (or liked) this other guy (let's call him Bill). well, we told each other during spring break about who we liked. and we promised not to tell. and neither of us did.
But now i don't like Bob and i think she still likes Bill, because it's really obvious (she flirts with him and stuff), but now that i say i don't like Bob, she acts like she doens't like Bill and if i tell her it's really obvious, she threatens to say that i still like Bob to one of the school's blabbermouths.
i know she still likes Bill and i'm getting sick of agreeing that she doesn't like him.
(by the way, we're only in junior high)

well listen there are better things in life to argue about. just try not to bring up her liking bill or you not liking bob. if it comes up change the subject. if one of the blabbermouths find out i hope bob is hot.

Q: I have a "friend" that is sort of mean to my other friends. She excludes them and is very posesive of me. She gets angry when me and my 2 other friends do things together, without her. My other friends basically hate her, but i don't want to break the friendship off because i don't want to make an enemy. I hat being stuck in the middle!!!
~Stuck

yea basically this does suck but look tell your friend that no matter who you hang with you'll still be her friend and just as close. i dont know why some girls have this problem. it puzzles me to this day. Try to get her to understand and make sure your other friends dont piss her off. She may think that they hate her and maybe thats why she excludes them. if she deosnt understand or try to understand that you can have other friends then she isnt a "friend"

Q: Alright i have a few friends that are awesome to hang out with and everything but now they are telling me that they cut...not always but once in a while i guess i was too scared to really ask...and now i dont know what to do...i dont want to make it serious because i dont want one of my friends to hate me...but they might just call me stupid and stuff because i never dont anything like that. i'm very scared and i dont know what to do. if you can please help me because i dont know if i can handle seeing them tomorrow without breaking down in tears because i'm so scared. Thank you so much.

hey i been there with my best friend. look let them know you care. they wont hate you for it. try to understand why they do it. talk about it with them. and dont judge. and find someone you trust(an adult) like in your school and quietly let them kno. your friends need help. you know that. just let them know youre there for them. look out if its being done for attention. if theyre really hurting inside then u really need to tell somebody. i know its the hardest thing to do. but its the best.it will all be alright

bio

alrite if ya wanna know anything then simply ask and i will gladly tell.

i definately like to assist people. i have for a very long time. some say im good some say i suck. but whatever you can decide for yourself.

Sarah Elizabeth......