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please help.. i really need you
ok this might be long.. im 14/f.. im best friend who i love so much is going out with this very possesive guy.. hes always with her and always wants to be with her.. hell get mad when shes with me, and if he doesnt see her he will get mad.. they always get mad at eachother for stupid things.. and shes always in a bad mood when im with her because she knows her bf is mad.. i hate it when shes in bad moods because she never was until she went out with this guy.. i mean they dudes a great guy but hes just way too possesive.. so they got into an argument when i was at my best friends house.. my friend ran upstairs crying and i had no idea what to do.. i went up and i heard her crying so hard.. ive never heard anyone cry like that before.. she was taking all the pictures of her and her bf and throwing them everywhere.. slamming picture frames against the door.. i didnt know what to do i just hugged her.. so we went out that night.. her bf apologized and wanted to go back out with her.. and of course she said yes and they were hugging and kissing not even 4 hours later.. they are a real serious couple.. but you dont understand how pissed i was to see them like that.. i have a feeling that he knows he will always get his way.. my friend didnt know if she should go back out with him.. but she did.. i dont know but it makes me angry.. im invisible to her when shes with her bf but when shes mad she always expects me to be there for her.. and i am but she cant be doing this.. i dont know what do you think?
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anonymous -
Hey, I've been through the same but I was the girl who ran back to the guy, so maybe you'll gain a new perspective here and understand what she's going through.
Being in a relationship isn't easy, especially if they've grown attached to each other. When they get into fights, sure the guy makes her angry and upset, but deep down inside she's hoping that things will work out and between them...and usually it does. She's just a compulsive person that acts upon her feelings, that's why she was acting irrational by throwing the pictures around. The reason she's acting this way is because she truly believes she loves this guy. Even if he seems like a complete jerk at times, aren't we all? Especially when we get angry, we say things we don't mean, and we do things we don't really intend to do.
As a friend, just be there for her. She's very vulnerable with this guy. One thing I suggest that you DON'T say to her is break up with him, because I guarantee she doesn't want to hear it especially from someone who doesn't understand the love she feels for this guy.
One suggestion I would give to her is to take a break between her man for a little bit. The relationship will still be there, but they need to think things out. If she's not up to that, tell her to sit down and have a talk with her boyfriend and tell them to discuss his possessiveness and temperament. If he's not willing to change for the relationship, she might as well dump him. If a guy truly loves you, he will do all he can to see you happy, even if it's to change for you. She needs to realize that, and you don't need to be stuck in the middle.
As for the guy, my boyfriend is like that in a way, but for a specific reason. Yes, the guy loves me, but he only gets to see me 2 times out of the week driving 30 miles just to see me so he wants to make the best out of it. My boyfriend used to get angry when I was around my friends too, but I talked to him about it, and settled upon a compromise that we sometimes need to live separate lives instead of living as if we were joined at the hip. I'm not sure about your friend's boyfriend, but when he's with her, he just wants to spend time with her is all...and sometimes he feels hurt when you're there because it may seem like your friend favors you over him sometimes. That leads to arguments.
He won't always get his way, and your friend will have to learn to make that clear to him. But as a friend, all you can do is talk to her about it without criticising. Be a pal.
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I think she needs to ditch the guy myself, but she won't listen to us! He probably won't change any, if you're lucky she will figure that out pretty soon. If she doesn't you just better start carrying a lot of tissues around because she'll be crying on your shoulder a lot! You're doing about all a friend can do. If you say anything bad about him she will just get mad at you. Just be there when she needs you. :)
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Hi im jess i would talk this whole problem over with her if get lucky she may make more time for you and if he gets mad tell her that she shouldnt be treated like that and if become really desperate talk to him and say your not they only one she cares about im her friend. i know it sounds a little corny but it worked for me. Hope i helped if u need to ask me something im me at xxlittlejxx9.
Luv Jess
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OMG I have had the same problem for a year. And I would tell my friend to dump him, he was no good. They just don't listen. Tell her that she has been in a bad mood ever since they've been going out. Also, tell her that you care about her and that one day things could get pretty serious when they are fighting. She deserves better. Stay friends with her and support her through it all. GOod luck.
-Brianna
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well dont leave her. that would be the worst thing to do. i mean if yo udo and things and for good with her b/f then you need to be the one for her to turn to. when she was upset holding her was the best thing to do. i hate it when friends change when they start going out with someone. but look they wont go out forever. try to make her see that she deosnt need him if he is going to control her and that she deos need to be indpendent a little more. to me it doesnt sound like a very good relationship and should end. just be patient with her. her b/f just sounds really insecure. there thats all i have to say. hope it helped a little.
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What a JERK!!! Your friend doesn't need a guy like that. One of my ex-boyfriends was really obsessive too and when I broke up with him he called my best friend a bitch. So in my opinoin you need to get her to break up with him one way or another!!! He might end up hurting her. Hope this helps!!
~Alyssa
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