Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
Visitors: 29576
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17/female
For the last 3 weeks ive had headaches from when i wake up and it lasts the entire day. I feel nauseas at least once a day. Im always tired and i get dizzy easily. I get out of breath quickly (usually i go to gym and i dont get out of breath but after 3 minutes on the bicyle i felt like i was gonna pass out). For about two days ive been getting weird pains especially by my feet as if my toe feels like its going numb and its sore.
Today i went to the beach and my back started paininh badly and now i have pains in the centre undet my boobs (i think its where the heart is). I googled it and i saw a picture about "how woman can tell if they're heading towards a heart attack" and all my symptoms was on the picture not one symptom i didnt have. Is it possible that i can get a heart attack? I drink a lot of redbull and lately ive been drinking coffee. Im not over weight or near to overweight my bmi is 20.1 which is normal. (link)
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I should pay the doctor a visit soon. Our cardiovascular systems do not come with a guarantee by any means. However, might I ask you something too? These symptoms are common when we suffer from acute stress and/or anxiety too. We tend to think of stress as a psychiatric/mental issue and the effect on the body is often overlooked. Just think about how a passing 'anxiety attack' can leave us dizzy, disoriented, with a tight chest pain and gasping for breath. And the fear that your heart is about to conk out will naturally ratchet-up your anxiety levels too. Are you feeling under constant pressure and strain because of home/work/personal/relationship issues? Be prepared for the doctor to ask you this and tell him the truth. And relay the same lifestyle details you have here. See the doctor soon, but go in with an open mind, not brandishing a self-diagnosed heart condition.
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HI :)
I know wrote you that i havent been satisfied in my class bc i felt i didnt have true friends, but im kinda realising that i do have some , its just sometimes i took things too personally...on one side im happy bc i feel that someone likes me but on the other side im kinda sad i have only one school year let on high school , i didnt enjoy high school until this year , and i know now that im gonna miss some people, my friends and also some of my teachers, im even gonna miss my classmate(HIM), im kinda over him but i think i´ll miss him the most bc he is the only one in my class that knows how i really feel,...i feel like i´ve missed most of my high school years and I´ve been so sad and depressed and now its nearly over :/...i dont know why i am so emotional about this ...its school for god's sake :D :D (link)
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It's perfectly natural to feel like this. Certain events mark out the path of our lives, like chapters in a book. In a way, each chapter is complete, but is also a part of the whole story. Your story. Your life. We feel mixed emotions as phases of our life draw to a conclusion. The excitement of the next new phase is mixed with some foreboding. Will I be up to the next challenges? Will I cope? The passing phase may well, as you point out, have been far from perfect at times. And possibly some parts will be painful to look back on still, and we are glad to see them behind us. We learned something from them is the best we can often say! And yet, looking back, well...it wasn't that bad overall, was it? Some good times, and a comfortable familiarity about it all? If you feel you would like to rewind and play it back again, only knowing what you know now of course...guess what? Every one of us have felt THAT one!! You haven't 'missed' those high school years either. In fact, for all of us, our lives are 'lost in the living' as you might say. (I think I've stolen that phrase from TS Elliot!). Which do you think is the more scary, the future or the past? Many of us would choose the future. I think you would choose the future, right? But the moment and the future are the only places we can live in and move into. The only ones alive with possibilities and opportunities. Expect to feel melancholy at times as this phase of your life draws to a close. You would not be human if you did not. Keep those things of value the past has given you and move forward. Embrace change. Every day you are alive you are subject to change. We cannot 'stay as we are' in an unchanging landscape. We are either alive, and changing...or dead and beyond it's touch. But of course we are then beyond the reach of anything at all. You're doing OK. You might not think you are, but you are. X
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So I'm 13 years old, nearly 14 and I've been fingered the first time it was only for like 30 secs, I thought this was a long time. A few days later I was fingered by someone else for much longer I couldn't really feel anything so he uses two fingers and it was better not too tight tho. Does this mean there's something wrong, am I too young, am I a slag (link)
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You're certainly not a slag mate. OK, we all live in a very 'connected' world of the internet. We hear about, and discuss openly, dreadful cases of paedophile rings and single cases too, where girls around your age are exploited by much older guys. The transparency is a good thing. It informs and empowers young girls enough to say 'Hey! That's not right! No one's gonna do that to me!' etc. The predatory paedophiles will have a harder time bullying and shaming their young victims into keeping quiet about it. Good stuff. But let's not get brainwashed. Girls of your age 'experimenting' sexually with about same-age guys does not belong in this dark world of abuse. In fact, showing each other your 'bits', and a certain amount of touching and feeling? Well that's been going on as long as their has been teenaged girls and guys mate. It's neither new, or at all sinister. If you're comfortable about it, and enjoying it, carry on. If you're not, take the line of, "tried it...don't really like it at the moment...maybe give it another try later....with a different boyfriend maybe" and stop doing it. Keep to your limits. It's not an invitation for the guy to have full sex with you and make sure he understands that. If he gets pushy, and you don't like how things are shaping-up, ditch him! In terms of 'too young' mostly girls don't start full sexual relationships at your age. Fears of pregnancy are very real. And, well. It's a big step. You want to wait until you're really sure about your guy, and you trust him and love him before you have sex. It's a rather special thing, so girls like to save that for someone who is actually rather special himself. And quite right too. Something wrong? Slag? Most certainly not!
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My wife and I have a great marriage. She and I have another male/female couple that we have regualr sex with. I currently make love to my male friend about four times a month. My wife and my male lover's wife would like us guys to have sex more often, they mentioned having sex about 15-20 nights per month. Is is a good idea? (link)
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I should say whether this is or is not a good idea depends on how happy you two guys feel about, as the ladies seem very keen. The most likely problem in arrangements like this is that an emotional connection springs up between opposite 'partners' as you might say, the pleasure goes beyond recreational sex, and that this harms the existing relationship. Perhaps ends it all together. It would possibly raise some odd dynamics, spending so much time together. Odd in the sense of outside the usual relationship dynamics. The best idea may be to simply give it a try. But discuss it all openly first. And review it often. If one or more participant begins to have concerns and issues about 'how things are going' as you might say, outside the bedroom or in it, don't ignore it or let the happier parties coerce the less willing and doubtful. In short, I'd say it's fine while everyone is fine about it. It's fun while everyone's having fun. But be aware of the fact that this is a dynamic, changing thing so stay aware of your own feelings and the feelings of the others.
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I had a dream I came in my room and my boyfriend was going through my phone crying. What could this me ? It was weird my manager was in it as well. (link)
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Hi. Just reading through your prevvious replies. All wise comments. The objects, people and environment in our dreamscapes rarely map directly onto real life situations, they are always 'coded' and the decryption lies in identifying what 'phone' 'boyfriend' and 'manager' represent to you personally. Confidentiality and trust, accountability/culpability, communication and authority figures would seem the likeliest general areas to start with here. Issues with any/all these at the moment? The detonator, as you might say, for the vivid (and recalled on waking) dreams is usually 'conflict anxiety'. Your subconscious mind keeps motoring-on and arguing the pros and cons of the case, trying to make a decision, even when you should be peacefully sleeping! It's incredibly unlikely that it's a premonition of an actual scenario involving a heartbroken boyfriend, your boss and your phone! That would be precisely predicting the future. And this we cannot do.
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For five days now I've had an extremely sore throat with mouth and tongue pain, redness and swelling of the tonsils and throat, and two tiny white spots on both sides of my tonsils. I went to a walk in clinic this morning where I got an ARNP (nurse practitioner) that flashed a light in my mouth for maybe all of 2 seconds, did a swab, and then sent me back to the waiting room.
Step test came back negative...but then he put me on a high dose antibiotic that he said would also treat Strep "in case" the test was wrong and he said Strep was going around.
I'm not sure why, but I just feel like he overlooked something. I've never had a sore throat this bad with pain also on the inside of my mouth and back of the tongue.
I saw those two white spots before AND after the doctor appointment today, but he said he didn't see them...
Should I just wait it out a few days and see what happens or should I call my primary care physician tomorrow?
(link)
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If you fel strongly that a second opinion would help then arranage one. I would point out that antibiotics are normally given as a course, one or maybe two weeks and the doses can be high (big tablets!). It's essential that you do finish the course, even if you feel fine before you've reach the end of the tablets. And that they have no palliative or pain-killing propeties whatsoever so they won't ease the discomfort one bit. They are to zap the bacterial infection. The pain should ease as you approach the end however, since the cause should be under control. If you're about at the end and it's no better, or worse even, then most definitely make a follow-up appointment or visit another physician and show him/her the package of the drugs you have been taking. Sore throats can be minor niggling discomfort or very painful indeed.
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Please excuse the hostile title of my question, but I am VERY angry right now. I want to warn you in advance that this writing might make me sound like a truly terrible person, but like I said, I'm extremely angry and fed up at the moment with my parents and my situation.
My parents have one of the worst marriages I've personally ever seen in my life. I don't understand why they ever got married in the first place or why they have stayed married for as long as they have. It's against our religion for them to get divorced, but there are many times that I feel like they, and the rest of our family, would be better off if they got separated or something. I don't think that's against their beliefs.
If I had to tell you everything wrong with their marriage, I'd be writing all night. There are numerous ways that my parents marriage sucks, but basically, they're distant, secretive, rude, verbally abusive, and vindictive. They spend entirely too much time apart, they leave each other out of things they do with their friends that they should do together, they keep secrets from each other, they call each other names that I've never called my worst enemy, and they do things just to make each other angry. Their marriage is constantly getting worse instead of better because when one of them gets angry at the other, instead of talking about it like normal people, they just get revenge on each other.
My parents scared me out of ever wanting to get married. I know they don't have a normal marriage and I know it's possible to get married and be extremely happy with your spouse, but even so, I just never could get up the guts to bite the bullet and commit my life to another person PERMANENTLY not knowing for certain what our marriage would look like one day. I am a Christian like my parents and if I did get married, I couldn't run to get divorced as quickly as some people do. I could get separated, but only if I was desperate and my husband and I would still be joined together legally. Also, the fact that I grew up watching my parents dysfunctional marriage and have never really, closely seen what a good marriage looks like kept me from having confidence in myself to know how to be a good wife and make a marriage work.
I always wanted a family, but when I kept chickening out of marriage, I decided just to have kids on my own using both IVF and adoption. I now have a large family that I'm raising by myself and I'm extremely happy with my life choices most of the time. But on occasion, I do feel sad that I don't have a husband and my kids don't have a dad. They have father figures, but not a legit dad in their lives. I feel bad about that, especially for the boys, but what can I do now? Who wants to marry a single mother raised in a dysfunctional family who doesn't even know what a healthy marriage looks like. Even if someone did, there's not a counselor in the world that could assuage my fears about marriage.
The reason I came here is that my parents are constantly putting me in the middle of their arguments and I get SICK OF IT!!! It's not FAIR!!! They get mad at each other for things I have nothing to do with and they make me take sides, help get revenge on each other, and bad mouth each other to other people. It SUCKS!!!
While I deeply love both of my parents, despite their flaws, and have a very close relationship with my Mother, my relationship with my dad hasn't been good since I was twelve. We've been very distant and we both hate that. We try to work on it, but every time we seem to be getting closer, something happens and our relationship goes straight to hell again.
So over the past six or seven months, my parents have been working on remodeling their house. The first thing they did was remodel the bathroom my sister and I used to share. They took out that bathtub that used to be in it and put in a shower in it's place. I use that shower when I can because it's by far the nicest and one of the most spacious showers I've ever used.
Two weeks ago tomorrow, I was using that shower and when I opened one of the two glass sliding doors, said door fell and shattered. It apparently wasn't put on right. Both of my hands were badly cut up. I had a cut in my finger on my right hand that went all the way down to the bone and the glass took two big chunks of skin out of my left hand that required stitches. I had a cut on my foot and one my left arm that was DIRECTLY OVER all of the veins and arteries in that arm that can kill you if you cut them open. The whole thing scared me to death. I was very sore for over a week and although I've been feeling better and healing fast, I temporarily lost some of the feeling in the finger that was cut all the way down to the bone and I fear I might be anemic from the blood loss. That probably sounds a little dramatic, but I lost a lot of blood, more than you'd think, and I was also on my menstrual cycle at the time. I've been having symptoms of anemia since then.
I was afraid my dad was going to be angry about what happened. I was scared he was gonna scold me and make me buy a new door. I was a little scared that he would even ban me from his and my mom's house. Instead, he was nothing but worried and sympathetic towards me. He wanted to look at my hands and arm, he asked me how bad the whole thing scared me, he gave me a couple very big hugs. He couldn't have cared less about the door. It was the closest I'd felt to him in a long time. It was one of the rare moments when my dad shows me how much I mean to him and it meant a lot to me.
We've been tight since then, but tonight, my mom almost screwed the all of that up. You see, on Saturday, I wanted to take my kids to see the new Beauty and the Beast movie and my mom said that she'd like to come. I found out that she told a lie to keep my dad from knowing where we were going out of fear that he'd come along if he knew. My dad has since found out where we went and that we'd left him out of something he'd have probably enjoyed and I feel bad about that. I didn't know my mom was going to lie to him like that. I should've invited him myself, but I didn't realize how much he'd have wanted to come. I didn't think he'd like the movie. Even as an adult, I loved it, but it is still a kids' movie and a musical, so I assumed my dad wouldn't want to come, but apparently he would and now I feel like sh!t.
That incident with the shower door happened two weeks ago and today was the third time that my dad had promised to go to the closest home depot an hour away and get a new shower door. He didn't do so and my mom wanted me to confront him and be a b!tch to him thinking that he'd get it done faster if I did. Thing is, my dad and I have been getting along great lately and after the whole thing with the movie, I was scared that he already wasn't happy with me. If I went and was an @as hole to him about the shower door, then he might explode on me and our whole relationship would go south again. Especially since I was the one who broke the door.
I went to politely ask him about the door, but when he was really sweet to me and we talked for a minute, leading me to realize that he wasn't angry with me, I lost my nerve to say anything that could anger him. My mom kept pushing me though so eventually I mentioned it to him, but it didn't help much. He was perfectly sweet about it, but didn't sound like he had gone to indeed home depot and I failed to light a fire under him like my mom wanted me to. This is not a good example of one of my parents putting me in the middle of an argument, but it's what prompted me to come here.
My mom is furious with me for not standing up to my dad and telling him off about the door like she wanted me to. She brought up the times I have stood up to my dad when it was for myself and accused me of not caring enough to do it for her. I explained to her that the rare times I've had the backbone to stand up to my dad, it was because he provoked me to do so, but he didn't provoke me today. I also explained that even if I had more of a backbone, my dad didn't deserve to be berated for the door today. Yes, he should've gotten it like he promised my mom, but he had a pretty busy day and I don't understand why it's such a big deal anyway. There's another shower and a bathtub in the house. My mom does like to use the new shower, but not often it's not like it's the only place in the house to bathe.
This is what I'm sick of. My choices tonight were to either be a jerk to my dad and ruin how well we've been getting along lately or to not be a jerk to my dad and make my mom mad at me. My parents do this to me all the time. They put me in the middle and make it so I can't possibly get out of the situation without making at least one of the mad at me. My mom acknowledges that she puts me in this position. She says flat out that I have to choose between her being mad or my dad being mad at me. I've tried to tell them that I'm not getting in the middle of anything, but that tends to make BOTH of them mad me.
It's really not fair because I have done nothing to get myself in these situations. I didn't cause my parents to have such a disaster of a marriage, I don't cause their arguments, I don't cause myself to be put in the middle of their arguments. I have no options. It's either p!ss my mom off or p!ss my dad off. Their are no other options.
The only other thing I can think of that I could do is to stop being around my parents, but that is not an option. I love both of my parents very much and could never alienate them from my life.
Super sorry this has been such a long writing, but I just wanted you to know everything you might need to know about the situation. Does anyone have any advice? (link)
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Indeed a long question. And a situation that has been long in terms of years too. Interesting that you love them despite their faults? Can't imagine cutting them out of your life? Perhaps cannot really imagine life at all without them around? That's despite the fact that their volatile relationship has impacted on you negatively. All I can suggest is that there is a similar dynamic between your parents themselves. Argue like cat-and-dog. Bickering, slanging-matches, vindictive and willing to play you as a card to suit their ends. But maybe cannot even think about life without each other? Kind of 'stuck' with each other? Such relationships do exist. I should say that you have to accept their volatile and in the traditional/ideal sense, dysfunctional relationship if you want to stay around. The door issue seems to have provided a particular focus right now? I'm sure there have been other events you could think of where a similar choice of loyalties was called on from you? And that they passed, without really changing anything for any of you? This one will most likely do the same, as neither are likely to relinquish you permanently as amunition for the 'favourites' game. Don't let it put you off relationships and/or marriage permanently. For the simple reason that you are not your parents. How you handle all relationships is your choice. Regarding their relationship, are you at all familiar with Samuel Beckett's 'Waiting for Godot'? A remarkable study of this aspect of human nature, one of the most penetrating you'll ever come across. If you aren't, take a look. The phrase "Can't live with them, can't live without them" is one people commonly use, and it's deeper than it may appear at face value. Personally, I feel it's written large in the narrative of you parents, and also in your own. Notice how your father reacted when you disclosed that the door-event could have been the end of your days.
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Is it because of racism? The Princess and the Frog is a European story with an African-American girl only made a princess through marriage. I don't see how that is empowering to girls. Surely a movie based on a real West African princess tale would have been more empowering to both the African diaspora and Africans in Africa. There have been real African princesses before. Why did Disney take the cheap route, by just throwing an African-American girl into a European story? I find that to be embarrassing.
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Most of the widely known fables and 'fairy tales' are of European origin. There's a long history of the arts, high and low, using them. And by now, a studio like Disney also has a long history of using them, more or sometimes less directly. Making movies costs money, and younger audiences likely to be rather conservative in outlook. Happy when the movie follows a narrative they are probably familiar with already. If the whole premise of the story contains unfamiliar motifs a child will quickly lose interest. Possibly children who live in Africa would be more familiar with local/national fables. But the target-market (who are going to buy all the associated merchandising etc) is not there. A substituted African-American character is probably as far as they are going to go. These ables always contain a strong moral or ethical message too and one does not have to try too hard to find it. In fact the whole 'plot' of them is weaved around this message. And really, the message transcends any national or racial differences. So I would say it is a matter of taking these movies for what they are, rather than trying to project any further significance onto either the stories or media adaptations. Reality, and adult values don't really come into it. Any adult evaluation of such tales would be that all the characters are at best charicatures, have no dimension and are not at all convincing. And the plot is simply ludicrous. Requiring the complete suspension of reality to the point of believing in magic, witches, spells and enchantments etc etc.... But they're not actually for adults are they? I would suggest that a child (who they ARE intended for) could be delighted by the adventures of Elsa and Anna in Frozen regardless of their own ethnicity. Would they wonder why the two characters are not African, or Asian, or whatever unless prompted to do so by an adult? If they amuse the kids, why complicate things by imposing adult values on them?
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So I am writing a fantasy book in which several Egyptian teenagers (along with a couple non Egyptians) time travel to the ancient Egyptian empire. It is going to be in 16th century BC as the Egyptian empire peaked at that time (if I am wrong correct me) and I want to know what it would look like. The vast majority of time travelers are girls and they all speak Arabic and English, so I am wondering several things:
1) how would they be able to get around in a society in which they cannot speak the language and have no integration in it other than their Egyptian heritage
2) what would the world around them look like? For example, what other civilizations would be there, and which would they come into contact to? What was going on at this time period?
*note that this is a fantasy story, I understand if this was a real scenario in which several teenagers ended up in the ancient world they'd die quickly
I thank anyone who answers in advance as I know this is a difficult thing to answer. (link)
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I think they would encounter people we would now call Ethiopians. I seem to recall they fought each other and lots of prisoners were taken. Many of whom worked as slaves building the pyramids. Also the pyramids were really glitzy, with dead smooth and highly polished stone facings. Which were broken off and used to build much later buildings in Cairo. They were a very advanced and scientific bunch, with astronomers, architects and engineers. Pharaoh means 'The Great House' and Pharaoh's were not military or democratically elected rulers or leaders. They were not considered mere mortals at all. They were believed to be related to the gods themselves. Which is why they quite often married their sisters or brothers (to keep the lineage 'pure'). Noting that the great house was also open to women. In the same way a monarchy has Kings & Queens, and in the UK the line is still one of birthright.Just not as incestuous! Their earthly 'death' was just a transition, hence they were entombed with all their riches, furniture and effects, and even human servants and some soldiers sometimes. The pyramids were eseential to make the transition/journey. If a Pharoah failed to make the transition it would be disaster for Egypt. So pyramid-building was a serious business indeed. The sun and moon were the gods Isis & Osiris who sailed across the sky in boats. That's my entire knowledge of the Egyptians, without looking stuff up. Hope there's something of use. How about your teenagers meet up with a guy or girl who somehow ended up there too, but a good few years earlier and has learned the language and way of life? He/she acts as their guide/advisor? Good luck with the writing mate. PS...they had a braniac astronomer called Ptolemy who painstakingly charted and measured the positions of the constellations, stars and planets visible in the night sky. He spent years doing it. Almost unbelievably, all our modern space probes and radio-telescopes etc have proved his charts are deadly accurate. He thought the earth was the centre of the universe and THEY went round US, but when it comes to it, that actually makes no real difference. His charts and measurements are spot on.
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Can extensive or rigorous breast sucking of a woman during a romantic sexual intercourse make the woman to have breast cancer? (link)
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Likewise, I am certain there has never been even the slightest suggestion of any link between this activity and breast cancer. Either immediately or in later life. There's no suggestion that anyting we do can increase our likelihood of developing breast cancer. It is wise for any woman to keep on the lookout for any unusual lumps and have them checked quickly if one appears. And screening is a very good idea in our 30's or 40's. It's not uncommon by any means, but thankfully these days it's very treatable especially the earlier it is detected. But enjoying her breasts during sex isn't going to make it any more or any less likely however much you do it. In theory, it might help if it led to you noticing a lump or anything unusal?
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Hi :) , i just wanted you to tell , just randomly that i fear so much of being left out, when i hear talking my friends talking about their plans, when they will hang out soon, and i want to be included,I have really big anxiety about it, i dont want to be left out and be alone, and this anxiety consumes me,i really have big panic attacks about it, what should i do about it ?...i also have anxiety when i see my brother texting with someone all the time, bc most of the time im not really texting with anyone 😥😥, im justbused that no one texts me :/...i dont know why is this happening to me
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Hi there. Try all you can to not let this become an issue that causes you real distress and anxiety. Us humans are social creatures. That just means we form big communities and live together. In towns and cities. So we naturally seek the feeling of being one of the herd, or flock as we would say about other animal groups. You actually are a member of many of our smaller herds within our bigger communities. First one of the nursery school group, then of your class, which is part of your school. Then your university. Your street. Your company workforce. And so on. The social media companies like facebook use this natural desire. Telling you how many 'friends' you have. Who is 'following' you. Who 'likes this' and so on and so on. We all enjoy feeling like we have lots of friends and followers, and we all like being liked. The companies have done very well, and social media is generally considered a good thing and enjoyed by it's users. But don't let the whole scene get you anxious and worried and feeling inadequate. Quite lot of people do in our current times and the social media outfits are a little bit to blame, I fear. Enjoy the scene, but keep things real and don't buy into rating your self-worth on how many texts and 'friends' you can count!! The social groups we actually hang out with are dynamic. They change like the weather over our lives. It's not very helpful to look at one particularly close bunch and feel left-out sometimes. And that particular kind of 'being in my gang' bonding is very largely a youth-culture thing. It becomes very less apparent and less important as we get a little older, say into our early twenties. Some days we like solitude and independence, sometimes we want lots of people around. All part of the mixed bag of life. You're fine. You'll be fine. X
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What does it mean? (link)
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I rather agree with MrKaman. It sounds to me like a contradiction of terms. Rather like saying "I am six feet two inches in height, but I'm not a tall person." I should definitely get him to expand on what his particular brand of spirituality entails and is based around. It will almost certainly map onto some existing belief-system with a reasoanbly good fit. Mainly because in the long history of mankind most have been tried. It is quite common now for people to reject formal and established religions in favour of (much cooler!) miscellaneous 'spirituality'. Most of the beliefs currently in vogue are inter-denominational, pretty non-specific and unlikley to cause any real cultural clashes between people who are fairly 'luke-warm' about religion in general. Unlike the formal ones, which can cause significant issues. Like air-strikes!
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Are victoria's secret models' bodies unrealistic or are americans just delusional because they've collectively grown fatter over decades?
if their bodies are realistic then how are they real? every single video of them is photoshopped? every single paparazzi shot of them is photoshopped? diet and exercise trumps genetics. many top models "coincidentally" were athletic tomboys as children. many also come from developing countries where they weren't used to burgers and pizza all the time. it's no coincidence. we can't control our heights but we're in full control of our physiques if we exercise enough willpower.
it's very lazy when rather than trying to improve their bodies, people would rather change the standard, by trying to make plus size more acceptable. it's not a matter of preference. promoting plus size fashion is the same as promoting diabetes, heart disease, and other top lifestyle killers. people need to wake up. it's also disingenuous, because these same people saying you can never get to that "unrealistic" standard, or that models should eat more burgers, find those models FAR more attractive than the average figure. if average or plus size was just as good you wouldn't see so many gawking at victoria's secret models, sports illustrated models, and etc. these are real people. there are many real, non models with similar figures and it's no bloody accident. even if everyone in your family is obese you can still be slim like them as well with enough effort. i don't get why our society would rather pull wool over our eyes about this issue (link)
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I would say it is all symptomatic of our instant-gratification, 'gold stars for everyone' society. Noticed there aren't losers anymore, just runners-up? Political correctness is rampant. We are spoon-fed idealism. Perfect body, perfect home, perfect relationship. We all must have perfect children too! We are made to feel inadequate if we do not measure-up. At least to ourselves. But woe to anyone who dares to criticise from the outside. That goes against our supreme right to be who we want to be. Hey! Who are you to criticise? How dare you judge me?? Strikes me there are two conflicting forces at work here? I wouldn't say it's a conspiracy. I mean it's easy to pull the wool over the eyes of people who want it pulled over. Maybe we're all a bit delusional? Maybe we all fool ourselves? I sometimes think the happiest people are the ones who can fool themselves the most convincingly. You know, buy into it all, hook, line and sinker without question! Type-2 diabetes and heart conditions are indeed a worry to the medical profession in the UK where I live. We are getting fatter. We are cramming ourselves full of sweet, junky food and sugar-laden soft drinks. The current youth will, it is believed, be the first genneration who will be less fit and have more problems like these (and joint-wear, purely because they are carrying more weight) in old age than the previous one. Bit scary, eh? Have we 'peaked' and now we're on a self-destruct trajectory?? But if you want to make yourself fat, diabetic and at high-risk of cardio-vascular conditions that's all part-and-parcel of that instant-gratification, free-choice society. Which is where we started, I recall? We're a cynical pair, aren't we? At least you're looking for answers. I gave that up long ago!!
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Hi :)...today as always my older brother was calling me fat and other nicknames, and then he just randomly asked me : "Aren't you depressed from jearing all these nicknames i come up with?"...he didnt say it like he was sorry but in ironic way...and also tonight we were supposed to go out with our cousins..we were ready to go but then my father said we have to wash dishes, of course it was my older brother's turn , and we were so fighting so my father yelled at me to go wash dishes, so i couldnt go out and my older brother could..my father never says anything bad to my brothers only to me...he hates me....i want to die so badly, i want to go to sleep and never wake up....why are all these things happening to me, i cant handle it anymore, i cant(not only thing happening with my family,but at school,with HIM etc)...my brother says im Crazy bc of how i react emotionally to things but the people i know dont have to experience this pain, and the hate im receivng towards me from my older brother, family and disappiontment from people at school..i dont know what i did in my life that i deserved this 😥😥.(maybe life isnt for everyone)
* some days have passed since wrote it but also now i finally chose college that i want to go but i still have a year until i finish high school...and i decided to go to college that isnt in my city but it's in my country(5 hours by train from my city), and my mother wont let me go , she even attacked bc i told her i want to go there, but my brother also wants to go stufu away from our he city and she doesnt jave any objections...you see i dont even have my free will..everyone from my family hates me and laugh at me , i dont wonder why i have low/no self-esteem, i wonder why am i still ALIVE?!! (link)
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I think you need to sort out the real physical barriers (such as, you want higher education, your parents seem to actively forbid it) from the perceived ideas (many of the negative ones are a reult of low self-esteem rather than the cause of it, although I do apreciate that this becomes a 'vicious circle' which sustains itself by feeding on itself). The actual physical barriers, you should start looking for actual physical solutions. A good education is essential these days, your desire for it is not just a whim or a fad, jobs around the house should be shared, and so on). Regarding the actions of others, well, we have little or no control over the actions of other people. How we react to them however, is and will always be YOUR CHOICE. This is an act of autonomy/free will which nobody can take away from us. I cannot personally take the idea of fate/destiny and having 'done something to deserve' misfortune seriously I'm afraid. This demands a spirituality and/or conviction in some 'belief-system' and I do not have either. This is a personal matter/opinion, but I would suggest that you do not get too fixed on the idea that some all-powerful force is controlling your life. When we have low self-esteem and little self-confidence, this can lead us to embracing all manner of ideas, none of which will actually help you one bit. Accepting the responsibility for your own life and influencing the direction it will take is the key issue in making sense of this, I feel. Why, or how you are alive is not the issue. You ARE. And it's your life and your alone. Now, what are you planning to do with it? How do you intend to implement the plan?
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Hello, this is kind of an awkward question. So me and my friend are in the 9th grade and we were doing homework in my room and she fell asleep on the bed. But her feet were sticking out, so her feet were on top of the desk and they happened to be right on my notebook. I didn't want to wake her up so I just kept working with her feet in my face lol, but her toes kept wiggling a lot so I got distracted and started playing around with them.
for example I pushed her toes a few times and they would start wiggling by themselves. Then I would hold her toes still to make them stop wiggling. so I did this whenever I wanted her toes to start wiggling lol. Then I turned on the radio to see what happens, and when I pushed her toes they start wiggling to the beat of the song. I thought it was really cute, so I made them follow my voice instructions too, for example I whispered "wiggle faster" while her toes were wiggling, and suddenly they started wiggling faster. and when I whispered "point your toes", she makes the tippy-toes like a ballet dancer. I think she was dreaming about dancing coz we both like to dance :P
Is it a normal thing for me to think her feet are cute, and to play with them this way? I haven't told her about this yet, coz I think it might sound awkward telling her that I kept her toes wiggling like nonstop while she was asleep. Thanx (link)
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No, there's nothing weird or worrying going on here. It might be a little awkward telling her you think her feet are cute as it might imply an attraction to her that she might not be completely comfortable about. You know her well, so you choose. The thing about commanding her feet while she was asleep would, I think be a really cool and fun and interesting thing to tell her. There are conflicting opinions about how receptive we are to conversation when asleep, and in the different phases (we 'sleep' on different levels it would seem, our brain activity varies, in some phases we are more inclined to dream etc). Some claim that listenning to conversational recordings of a foreign language really helps them to learn it fluently. Some doubt this theory. How about trying again? Or how about her instructing your toes while you sleep? It can be difficult to fall asleep 'to order' as it were, but there may be good opportunities. Can you both do it? Was it a 'one-off'? And so on. Personally, I'm fascinated by your question. It's one of those things I would love to have seen.
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Hi,
Is it normal for a male friend to offer female friend a cigarette and we both just stood by the street and smoked as we hadn't seen each other for a while but it was very enjoyable. Been friends for a few months back and we're quite open and straight to each other. I like him and we do joke. Now, we're both occasional smokers but he didn't have to offer me a cigarette. Just wondering, normal for a guy friend to do this or do they offer to any girls? Thanks! (link)
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Pesonally, if I found myself standing and chatting with a friend (from casual acquaintance to good and old friend) and I knew they were a smoker I would certainly offer them one if or when I lit one myself. As it would seem rather bad form not to do so, if I was having one. Smoking is not popular now, for very good reasons. It is cosnidered anti-social. But it was not always so and it had many social conventions. In fact, to offer a cigarette was a common 'ice-breaker' when we met new people socially and professionally. The old habits do tend to stay attached to smoking despite it's fall from favour.
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Hi :) Sorry i took long time to response...so i guess im friendly, i try to be kind to people,im polite, loyal to my friends ,im trustworthy , i try to not to disappoint my friends and family...but my big problem is that i try to please everyone, even if i dont want to do it , i´ll do it...i dont know to say no to people, i try to please my friends and my family so they would like me ....i have one more year in high school and soon i will have to choose college i will go on after i graduate, i want to graduate from English, German language and history bc i want to be tour guide bc i thought it would allow me to travel the world and recently i started to care more about photography so i would like to do something more creative ..i dont really know what would be good idea as a job ..and i feel my parents putting pressure on me when choosing college(and i feel i have to please them) so in the future i would have well-paid job.....also i dont think i will make it to college for the reasons i mentioned in my previous questions, maybe its just meant to be like that :/ (link)
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This is much better! Some admirable character and attitude attributes here, for sure. The matter of putting your own plans and projects on hold so you can help others shows empathy and compassion. BUT! Doing it all the time is a symptom of that low self-esteem thing again. We
hope to make-up for our own low opinion of ourself by winning the high regard of others. In fact, a big step in raising our feelings of self-worth is by saying 'No' sometimes, and/or agreeing but 'when you can fit it in' (ie. convenient for you). You're probably thinking that this will make them like you less? What it actually does is make them have a greater respect for you. They see you are not just on earth to be a help to them, called on when they need it and dropped afterwards. You have plans of your own and a life of your own.
So, why do parents seem to pressure their offspring into doing well academically and succeeding? Because they love us, it is as simple as that. We want the best for those we love. We want them to be happy. Your mother knows that a life of worrying about unpaid bills, of always 'doing without' the nice things is not a happy one. Where is that all-important 'quality of life' we all aspire to? To seize this quality of life needs an adequate income. The income that comes with a responsible job with prospects. The kind of position that nearly always calls for a high standard of education. Now, we've talked about
the social aspects of school and college life. But let's not forget what we are actually there for. It is to secure our academic success. So that when we apply for the more prestigious positions we do not fall at the first-line vetting process. If you do not tick the
qualification-boxes your application goes straight onto the reject stack. The boss will not go back to that stack for a second look. It
really is essential that you do not compromise your studies because of the seemingly random attitudes of your friends, or the fact that one
guy does not want a relationship. Neither will the success or failure of your brother cut any ice in the world of business and commerce.You
stand or fall on your own merits at the end of the day.
Could I suggest you 'take stock' as it were, and really focus on the academic side of things? Your school and university period is so short compared to the rest of your working life. Effort now pays off later. I know that in many aspects of life we can play a perfect game and still lose. But with education we actually do get out what we put in. The more we invest the greater the return. I promise you that. It's maybe the only truly 'level playing field' we come across. It's time to make a plan. And get it up and running. Tour guide? Why not? Leisure and tourism is a growth industry. There's cash to be made! Although there are more pictures around us than ever, it is strangely harder to make a good living in photography than it was years ago. Maybe because so many people can do it quite well with modern digital gear? But there is always room for the best. Could we run this alongside our tour-guide career? You're in the right places! We'll also mention that it is not always the actual subjects which are key to our success. Higher education demonstrates that we are able to assimilate and process information at the highest level. That we can manage our time and resources. That we are pro-active and self-motivated. Potential high-achievers. Studying languages, for instance says to a would-be employer that you are a natural communicator. Journalism, trainer, teacher, avisor, HR manager...all jobs for the communicator and the'people-person'. And all a whole lot better paid than packing boxes in
a warehouse!! And who would you say gets more job satisfaction? We spend a lot of our time at work, if it is something you hate it will
be no fun at all. OK, any job will be a drag sometimes, even the creative type you want. But at least you can console yourself with the
fact you are getting well paid for it! Cash does not solve everything or buy happiness. But I guarantee you that a lack of it makes a lot of the things we desire and enjoy absolutely impossible.
Now, let's drop any idea that you are destined not to win your university place, or secure your future. Sorry, that's total nonsense!! Destined to fail? Why? Who is holding you back? Who CAN hold you back? I can see you have been taking plenty of emotional knocks lately. Let the main positive we draw from this be focus and drive. The 'spur' to make your life what is should and could be? The goal is becoming your own person. Self-sufficient. Capable. You won't
worry if a guy turns you down. His loss! In short, you won't take any shit from anyone!! So what sort of women do you admire? Why? Tell me
about it? Let's get the plan drawn-up. Once you've got a plan you are a force to be reckoned with. As humans we are all similar to the idea of a horse and rider. Our inner 'horse' provides the motive-power. Our 'rider' channels the power and gives it direction and purpose. Without the rider the power is random. With no real objective. Think about this? XX
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I'm in the process of wanting to commit suicide as I want to be with my son, I haven't got anyone at all, my partner ignores me blames me for what our son did, he wrote me a letter blameing me and how much he hates me and he wished I was dead instead, I'm having nightmares and dreaming of being with my son so so much, iv tryd to get help and I cant get any at all, I'm on medications and it makes me feel even worse, I sit up each and every night now as iv planned my suicide to the end, as I vet left at him on my own quite alot and i know I wouldn't be found till.i am dead, I need help and I cant get it so what's the point, I wouldn't be missed at all as I'm always on my own anyway, I tryd it last year and it felt so good as it took the pain away what I was feeling, cant believe I am still here, please help me or vive me son advice to help me please, next time I'm going to go somewhere very spe ial so I has to be right I do t want to wake.yp I'm done and fed up, iv found homes for my pets tht iv raised and they don't need me now, thank you for reading (link)
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I think it's essential you find the phone number of the Samaritans (or similar) wherever you live when you have a more lucid moment and keep it on you at all times. And find someone (anyone) to be with you as much as you possibly can right at the moment. What you do not want to be is on your own. You sound at just about the darkest hour here? You need to get through this by whatever means. Your death will not achieve anything, or change anything for the better. Your life may well do.
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When you first have sex, and the guy puts his penis inside of you, does it hurt when he breaks the hymen?
(link)
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As all your answers confirm, different girls have different experiences first time they are penetrated vaginally. I believe discomfort (which you may or may not describe as 'pain', as again we all have different thresholds in what we call 'painful') is often the result of involuntary muscle-tensing making it physically more difficult for the guy to penetrate you. There is a good deal of muscular activity in this region during sex. So you'd be as well to try and relax as much as possible when it happens. Make sure you have birth control all agreed and sorted beforehand and that you want to do this, as anxieties and worries make us tense and our muscles tighten-up accordingly. Also make sure you are physically 'ready' as well, and don't let your guy rush you into the penetration part. Lots of foreplay, please! Worrying about it hurting is (annoyingly!) likely to make you tense. Keep in mind that even if there is a brief discomfort, or even a little bleed, then having sex for the first time is not damaging or abusing your body in any way. Every sexually-active woman had to have a 'first time', obviously. Hope you have a very enjoyable experience. But if it's not exactly 'perfect' then don't worry. It's not a case of everything going wrong for you personally. If you find yourself getting really stressed, don't force things as you'll just get more stressed. Best to pass on this time and try again later, or another night.
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Hi :) ...i really dont what to do, i know i already told you about ot but still i dont know wha im doing wrong ...i always say nicely hello to my friends that im really good friends with and they just look at me and say nothing....nobody likes me in my class ....im always nice to everyone...even my friends(girls) like my twin brother more than me
nobody texts me first , nobody ask me to hang oit first....i ask my friend if she wants to hang out with me, she told me she'll let me know but she never did .even after 4 years in high school im still not comfortable with my "friend",im so horrible at small talk ...am i ugly or im not funny or what...im.so invisible to everyone....if i didnt star convetsation ...nobody would speak to me first ...why ??.i just really wanted to enjoy my hogh school years :( (link)
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I am sorry you do not seem to be enjoying your high school years. Quite often we expect them to live up to an expectation which is not reasonable. A lot of people feel exactly the same as you. When older people (like me!) look back and talk about their younger days they can often make things sound better than they actually were. We tend to edit-out the not-so-good, frequently!! In fact it's often a very stressful and confusing time because of the age we are. We are finding our own way in the world. We are no longer just the son/daughter of our parents, no longer children. We are forming and forging our own identity. Our personality and character. Learning about relationships with people other young adults. The people around us are now what is called our 'peer-group' It's a very stressful time for most of us in fact. We also feel very self-critical. As though everybody is looking at us and judging us. In a way, they are, but they have all the same insecurities and the same feeling of being 'under the microscope' as we do ourselves! I really do feel that a lot of your experiences are touching you so deeply because of the low slef-esteem issue we have discussed before? That's not a psychiatric condition that needs medication. It's the feeling that we are not valuable, or valued. That we are not even adequate, nerver mind good. And ugly, unlikeable, stupid etc etc....all negative stuff! OK. How about you sit down and start to list some good stuff about yourself? Some good sides to your circumstances? You're off to Uni soon, so you aren't stupid. And your parents arene't pressuring you into taking some dead-end job straight away to get some money in. get the idea? How about posting me a reply telling me some positive things about yourself? X
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