Hi :)...today as always my older brother was calling me fat and other nicknames, and then he just randomly asked me : "Aren't you depressed from jearing all these nicknames i come up with?"...he didnt say it like he was sorry but in ironic way...and also tonight we were supposed to go out with our cousins..we were ready to go but then my father said we have to wash dishes, of course it was my older brother's turn , and we were so fighting so my father yelled at me to go wash dishes, so i couldnt go out and my older brother could..my father never says anything bad to my brothers only to me...he hates me....i want to die so badly, i want to go to sleep and never wake up....why are all these things happening to me, i cant handle it anymore, i cant(not only thing happening with my family,but at school,with HIM etc)...my brother says im Crazy bc of how i react emotionally to things but the people i know dont have to experience this pain, and the hate im receivng towards me from my older brother, family and disappiontment from people at school..i dont know what i did in my life that i deserved this 😥😥.(maybe life isnt for everyone)
* some days have passed since wrote it but also now i finally chose college that i want to go but i still have a year until i finish high school...and i decided to go to college that isnt in my city but it's in my country(5 hours by train from my city), and my mother wont let me go , she even attacked bc i told her i want to go there, but my brother also wants to go stufu away from our he city and she doesnt jave any objections...you see i dont even have my free will..everyone from my family hates me and laugh at me , i dont wonder why i have low/no self-esteem, i wonder why am i still ALIVE?!!
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Families? rainhorse68 answered Wednesday March 22 2017, 9:16 am: I think you need to sort out the real physical barriers (such as, you want higher education, your parents seem to actively forbid it) from the perceived ideas (many of the negative ones are a reult of low self-esteem rather than the cause of it, although I do apreciate that this becomes a 'vicious circle' which sustains itself by feeding on itself). The actual physical barriers, you should start looking for actual physical solutions. A good education is essential these days, your desire for it is not just a whim or a fad, jobs around the house should be shared, and so on). Regarding the actions of others, well, we have little or no control over the actions of other people. How we react to them however, is and will always be YOUR CHOICE. This is an act of autonomy/free will which nobody can take away from us. I cannot personally take the idea of fate/destiny and having 'done something to deserve' misfortune seriously I'm afraid. This demands a spirituality and/or conviction in some 'belief-system' and I do not have either. This is a personal matter/opinion, but I would suggest that you do not get too fixed on the idea that some all-powerful force is controlling your life. When we have low self-esteem and little self-confidence, this can lead us to embracing all manner of ideas, none of which will actually help you one bit. Accepting the responsibility for your own life and influencing the direction it will take is the key issue in making sense of this, I feel. Why, or how you are alive is not the issue. You ARE. And it's your life and your alone. Now, what are you planning to do with it? How do you intend to implement the plan? [ rainhorse68's advice column | Ask rainhorse68 A Question ]
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