Gabiie's advice column

askGabiie

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: Recently my girlfriend of 2 years told me that she wanted to take a break. We are in a long distance relationship and I live in Japan and she lives in America. I always thought we were a solid couple and I still love her a lot. I talked to her on the phone today and told her all of my feelings. She said that the reason she wants to take a break is because she only has 1 month left of college studying abroad in America before she comes back to Japan to study, and wants to spend time with friends there before she has to return to school in Japan. I'm really confused because she said she loves me and stuff but that she just feels conflicted because she wants to spend time talking to me and also doing things with her friends and that she doesn't have time for both. On the phone she was crying so much and when I asked her if she wanted to break up with me she said no a few times. Even during that phone call I was really confident and was joking around with her and stuff. She knows that Im serious about the relationship because I moved her and found a job so I could be with her. She has been serious with me too and said that she cant wait to see me in a month and stay at my place. That was one week before she broke up with me. I have told her we could talk maybe only once a week to give her space but we did that for a couple weeks and now she says that since we never talk she feels like she doesn't know me anymore!

I'm working in Japan so I figured I will see her in a month, which makes me so surprised that she would break up with me a month before we will see each other again. Maybe it is true that she just wants to have more time with friends and stuff but I get the feeling she likes another guy. Why else would she just change so suddenly towards me? One week before she broke up with me she sent me messages about how she was so in love with me and that she could never have a better boyfriend. I was always appreciative and let her know how much I loved her and very open to her going out with friends.

I just feel so heart broken. We are both in our early 20's and this is my first big break up. On top of that I am in Japan, starting a new job and dont know anyone. I dont have anyone to talk to here and Im having second thoughts about why the hell Im here lol
I'm still very much in love with her and I have told her all this but I don't think she feels the same anymore. I wanna know if anyone has advice on how or what to do to get her back? Should I give her lots of space for a couple weeks or so? Should I still send her messages occasionally or is it better if I just stop talking to her?

I havent talked to her for one week and it is so excruciatingly painful because I think about her 24/7. I want to appear confident though and not clingy and give her space. She always talked about a future together so I never expected this. She has to come back here in 1 month to start school so i feel like even if she got with someone else in America she is gonna have to do a long distance thing with them for at least a year when she comes back here so it confuses me cause Im here now and can be with her for a year at least when she comes back.

I wanna know how can I get her back? My plan now is to call her cell phone in a few days so that will be one week after we broke up and just to be friendly to her and not talk about our relationship. Im conflicted because I dont want to push her away at all but I feel like talking to her really helps and the longer I wait the harder it might be for her to do so.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Long distance relationships are hard.

if what she is saying is true give her space and maybe leave the occasional message like " good morning, just want you to know im thinking of you have a good day :)" dont over do it.

give her time, she may come around. You say your seeing her in a month? why not when your with her, ask her out to lunch or dinner as friends..

But in the mean time, focus on yourself. Go out, meet knew people, make new friend. Go to a movie and spoil yourself a bit. have fun. everything happens for a reason. just remember to smile.

hope that helps

Q: im 15yr old girl and the guy is 19

we started going out and everything went well but when we were dating for 3 months my parents made us brake up...(legal stuff) so we broke up but we still have feelings for eachother and we still talk the way we used to except we dont say we are a couplee so what does that make us? He is not my boyfriend and i am not his girlfriend but we still talk like we are. We dont have sex or anything like that but when we get to see eacohter we cuddle and stuff sometimes do stuff but nothing more to it. When a new guy asks me if im single i dont know what to say because i AM single but in a way im taken and same goes to the guy i like. We are not confused of what we feel but we are comfused of the title we have. What kind of relationship is it that we keep?

my sister had the same problem.
your seeing each other, nothing official, but you would feel guilty if u kissed someone else yes?
if someone asks you if ur single simply say :"yes, but im seeing someone and its not quite official yet .."
or something along those lines..
hope that helps

Q: im failing history and i do not know hot to bring up my grade im getting scared

if your really behind maybe get a tutor.
or arrange time to do extra study.
start of by completing all your homework for history. and reading handouts that were given out in class.
make notes as the teacher talks.
or even google: history study notes.
then put it in your own words, even talk yourself through it like your, your own teacher.
if you dont understand the words, look them up in a dictionary or dictionary.com and make a glossary as you go.
btw doing all this does kinda sound "geeky" but if you want the grade its what u need to do.
Try not to get caught up in class by ur ipod or your friends.
hope this helps .. good luck

Q: okay so theres this guy in my grade (8th) and i really like him but idk if he likes me we have known eachother sice 5th grade but now we are starting to get closer and idk if its just better friendship or something more? should i ask him out? i kinda want him to ask me. how should i act around him? should i flirt? i really like him

flirt! if you have a phone text him maybe if you dont already or even ask him and a bunch of his and your friends to the movies..
drop hints and if he's into you he'll act on it

Q: You'd think after getting hurt, used, and broken - a girl would stop trying to cheat what's meant to be, and give up on a guy, huh?

Well, I hope that's the case for y'all cause it's not for me. I'm still doing all sorts of immoral things, convincing myself that its OK "because I'm only doing what I have to do to end up with the one I love & am supposed to be with".

Here's the things though - we're not supposed to be. I discovered that after he used me sexually - GOT OVER HIM - but then fell back in love? Without him saying a word to me, without looking at him, I just woke up one morning.. and was back in love. Back hacking his email, calling his cellphone to hear his voice, stalking him, and spreading rumors. BACK BEING THE DISGUSTING PERSON I TURN INTO WHENEVER I LIKE THIS GUY.

What do i do? I'm sick of it. I'm sick of feeling something for him, I dont want to hate him, or love him, or know him. I want to feel nothing for him, back to when he was a stranger and I was a good person.

I'm not looking for advice on how to get over someone, i did that already. I followed all the steps, I waited it out and let time heal my wounds, and it worked - I got over the a**hole. BUT NOW IM FREAKING BACK. WHY AM I BACK?

I really just wish someone would tell me that its because we really are meant to be, and that I shouldnt fight it - just wait for us to end up together, married and happy 10 years from now.

But that's no the case is it? So what it? Why do girls (like myself) do this? And how do we prevent it (falling for the wrong guy, getting stuck on him after he proved he was infact the wrong guy, and then lie to ourselves to stay in misery..loving the wrong guy) ?

if anyone knew the answer, there would be alot less broken hearts out there.
do something for me.. write out the bad and good's of this guy. WHY do u like him, what makes him different.
although my bet is you can't answer that, that there is this strange connection between you to, that you can't control.
you say your in love, but are you really. if it were love he wouldn't hurt you or treat you bad, he would compliment you and vise versa.
im not saying it wont happen for you to, but you need to focus on something else, try and stop these "immoral things", go out have fun with friends.
try becoming good friends with him just talking, and acting normal, this will help u develop a sense of how he feels and make you see things from a clearer perspective.

i know this isnt the answer you wanted but i hope this gives you a little to think about

Q: Okay, so today was the first time i have ever fingered myself and i did not feel anything great at all, i was nervous about where my finger goes, but then i stuck my phone in there and pit it on vibrate and it was great...

first its nothing to be nervous about...here is some pointers

Try rubbing your clitoris, it's the little skin bump in the top of the folds of the vagina.it feels great!

Also, feel around inside of your vagina, toward the front. There is a little spongy area in there that makes you go wild when you push on it.

Q: Im a teenage girl and at times i feel so emotional. Like i think im so ugly and i just feel like crying. I get mad that i dont go out like every other teenager and guys think im cute but i dont believe it because i dont think i am. I dont know why i feel lii=ke this i guess i just dont want someone to tell me ur ugly or something and then stop talking to me. Please help what can i do so i wont feel so depressed at times.

dont worry your not alone.
i was the exact same.

dont focus on the negitive in your life , embrace the good.
listen to happy music or do things that make you laugh.
Dont worry be happy by bobby mcferrin always works! ;)
hang out with friends that make you happy. go to movies, shop. try walking or boxing even.
once your happy with yourself everyone else will see and like you to.
instead of ignoring compliments, take them.
remember to breath, and tell yourself your beautiful. its not wrong to spoil yourself some times :)
your not alone.

i hope that helps

Q: my computer broke this year and with it deleted majority of my iTunes.

i downloaded a lot of new songs but- is there a way to add these new songs to my same ipod without deleting the songs that are already on my ipod?

thanks-

** please be as STRAIGHT FOWARD as possible with directions. i am not the best with computers haha. by straight foward i mean talk as DUMB as possible :)

unforcantly you can't do that.

you can add the song you've downloaded to your itunes then sync it but it'll only be the songs that appear on itunes.

if you really want those songs back try this site
www.foxplay.com

^ type in the artist or song.... then download song the just add it to your itunes... its really simple dw.

hope that kind of helps

Q: 15/f
I work with a guy that I think I really like. We started out totally platonically but we've become closer, and after a while he kissed me. Proper kissed me. Then a week later he kissed me again and sort of fingered me - I was in a bad mood that day, couldn't be bothered to fight him but I made him stop pretty soon - and then left it at that. We were both sober. He used to text me a lot but then he just sort of stopped. So it's been 3 weeks since I got with him last and over 1 week since I even spoke to him.

To start with I only wanted casually to get with him, but now I just want to either be with him or not even know him and forget him.

He's a bad boy too, I KNOW how bad he was to his exes, due to being his close friend for a year before this all. He cheats, smokes, etc...

Thanks xx

be direct with this guy.
not to be harsh or anything but i think he was using you for the action.
if your direct with him he will give you a direct answer, you can both work from there, and see how you feel.

Q: im 19 and im seeing thia boy and im just wondering will it seem wrong if i give him a handjob i know im not ready for sex yet but im willing to give him a handjob but i don't want it to seem wrong. Is it wrong?

as long as YOU are comfortable with doing this. then its not wrong. just make sure your BOTH want to move this fast ( this is dependent on how long you have been going out)
hope this helped

Q: Hi people I don't know, I have a few questions about art based stuff~

How do you draw anime style? I try with the eyes and hair and outfits and stuff but it just doesn't work.

Also, how to make a good claymation? I've just started with this, and I'm kinda terrible.

Thank you answerers :)

with the anime.. go to libary, there are heaps of books there to help, or just google it. start simple then go from there. If you have a friend that is good at anime ask them for advice or pointers.

claymation is great fun, just make sure you take a photo after EVERY slight movement.
it can be abstract... and it doesnt need to make sense. so you dont really need to go for the most detailed figure.

Q: my friend is becoming painful.
she so immiture, im moving on, i dont want to do the same kidish stuff we used to do.
i sick of her wanting to do something EVERYWEEKEND

tell her this, get some distants meet new people, tell her you want some time by yourself, take up a sport. it'll sort its self out

Q: i really like my boyfriend and he likes me. we been dating for and month now, i just dont think him like i use to my ex, i think i would be fine without him... im not sure
were just like mates who happen to be dating
is this normal????
i want to know what he thinks about me i think he just wants the action, and keeping me cause no one else would give it to him

just one thing to remember never compare ex boyfriends to to current bf, this is unfair to youre current bf and creates uneeded imprefections.
ask yourself do you see him as a bf or friend?
when you kiss or hug do u get that odd feeling.
does he give you compliments, flirt cause if so thats boys flirting for you.
or be straight up and have a conversation about your relationship.

Q: 18/f; he's 17/m. i am developing feelings for this guy but i'm not sure how he feels about me. i work with him. just started talking to him pretty recently. my friend gave me his number because i found a funny pic that reminded me of him so i sent it to him. we havent stopped texting since and this was a week ago that i first texted him. so all day every day we text. he was flirty from the start, but now his flirts are more specifically about me - like he compliments my eyes, for example. just little things like that that he couldn't really say to another girl. i'm really confused though, because there's things that lead me to believe that he likes me, and things that don't.
he describes himself as shy, but i really disagree. i think he's been pretty friendly. i've been around a shy guy that liked me before, and it's never been this difficult to decipher whether or not he wants to be more than friends. i just really want to know if he wants to be friends or likes me or not. here's some more info:
- so far each night this week, we text until we fall asleep. each morning he's been always texting me first.
- the first time we we hung out outside of work, we went to a park until 4 am just walking around and talking. we kinda got lost but found our way home then sat in his car listening to music. he didnt try to get close to me or anything, so i was kind of put off by that. he also doesn't really act like he likes me in person too much. he pretty much acted like we were friends.
- but, that night he hugged me goodbye. but it was kind of halfhearted. he didnt put much into the hug; it was kind of one-handed.
- he told me to text him in the morning that night, but when i got home i had a text from him that said "i know i said to text me in the am, but i actually had a lot of fun with you tonight :D "
- then the next day he sent me a text that said "you looked pretty beautiful last night and it would have sucked to get lost with anyone but you'
-i hugged him at work the next day, and i think it kinda freaked him out. i didn't like, attack him or anything. lol. but i think it was too long of a hug, because it seemed like he wanted to let go.
- he asked me to go to the movies with him, so we're going to the movies tomorrow.
- i'm pretty sure he has a lot of friends who are girls, so i have no idea how exclusive his behavior is. and like i said, he flirted immediately with me. i think it might just be how he is. but like i said the flirting has become more specific now.
i dont want to jump into a relationship with him, but i'm just not sure if things are even going in that direction or what. if he doesn't have feelings for me, i don't want to keep having feelings for him; i want to end the flirting if thats the case, and i'll want to think of him as just a friend then. but, if he does like me, i'd kind of like for things to keep progressing as they are. do you think i should make a move, wait for him to make a move, confront him, or give up?
any advice??

i think he see's you as a "potential". give it some time go to the movies with him. Be his friend, and things will occur naturally; try not to read to much into things hun and have fun at the movies

Q: Less than a week ago, i broke up with my boyfriend of 10 months. He was devastated, and he still keeps calling me and obsessing about what happened between us. I have no interest of getting back with him and i just want him to leave me alone. For about a month now, i've liked this other guy. We've been friends for a while, but we've gotten close and i really really like him. I found out recently that he likes me too. I want to be with him, but i just got out of a long relationship myself, and im not ready for another commited relationship. But i really like him a lot and i dont want to lose him, but im not ready for a relationship just yet. Its not fair to him but its also not the right time. I feel like he's getting screwed over and i feel so bad. What should i do?!? Thanks so much :]

if your not ready for a new reletionship dont rush into it.
if he cares for you he will wait.
go out and have fun with him just as friends so if u eventually start dating it'll be worth the wait.
you have to get distance from your ex, if not itll drag you down.
start each reletionship new and fresh no bagadge

Q: My boyfriend is constantly saying cute things to me. He always says how much he loves me and all the good traits i have. He even tells me that he would be thrilled to spend everyday of his life with me. We talk about getting married and having kids together in the future (were kinda young so it'd be like 8 years). I'm not very good with words and i don't know how to tell him I feel the same way. Do you know any way to word that in a cute way or to show him I truely mean it when I say I wanna spend the rest of my like with him?

if you cannot find words, show him.
maybe take him out to a picnic you've made or hang down at the beach, make it his day, give him heaps of effection ect.
my boyfriend always found it cute when i left a little love note somewere for him to find.
but dont force it o yourself just be natural and change it up so it fits what you both like. :)

Q: ok, i have curly soft meduim dark brown hair.. and i dont dye it or do anyhing to do it, so when i blow dry it, it doesnt look dry, it looks soft and thick, and my hair is really nce compared to alot of people i know, but my queston is i wanna do my hair more now, but im ALWAYS takng care of my hair, like after i do my hair i do an egg mask.or hair treatmens for my hair to protect it from gettng bad, just recently i bought a new straightner, it is lke really good quality called Philps.Salon hair straighnter and it has a ceramic iron, i want to do my hair every now and then i just dont want it to get dry and ugly, is it ok if i do my hair whenver i want but always do the masks and hair treatmens before or after? will it ruin? thank you in advance:)

ok eventually the hair straigtener will ruin your hair,yes.
but if you do the treatment or even hair moisture befor and after you straigten it and only do it occasionally your hair will be fine

Q: Okay, I am a girl and 14, so I dated this guy for about 4 months and everything was amazing the first two months. But then he started to really annoy me no matter what the last two months and I was never intown to hang out with him or anything. I was always told that he was cheating on me with other girls while I was away, but i just didn't think he was like that. I don't think that i loved the guy but I think I was close to a feeling like that even though he still annoyed me constantly, he would still put a smile on my face. But when we broke up, it wasn't a nice break up. I told him to never talk to me again, because it really hurt me, even though it was what I wanted. We didn't talk for about a month but I still knew I had feelings for him and the next time we talked it ended in a huge fight with me crying (and I don't normally cry). And now we are really good friends and I hang out with him from time to time, but I really want to date him again, but he says that he could never date me ever again, and it really hurts my feelings. I want him to like me like that again, but he always has other girls on his mind. I just want him to be mine again. Helppp!

with my ex its like a link, i know i shouldnt want him and i know he doesnt want me but i cann't help it... so what do you do, hang with other guys have fun, go out, flirt.. and either your ex will come back to you or you'll find someone else on the way. the other solution just be mates with him.

Q: guys...what do you like, and what do you not like during sex and other sexual acts with women? What really turns you on and what are some total mood kills?

my guy likes it when i tease him and touch my own body. also give him complements but not to much.

Q:
Guys say that I am too innocent and wouldn't want to date me bc they could really mess up things. Why would guys not be attracted to innocent girls?

look i know the feeling, but guys like a girl who can step out off there shell abit and take a risk, theres nothing wrong with being innocent just sometimes in a reletionship guys want to push the boundries a little higher and with you they know thats not going to happen.