Member Since: September 12, 2011
Answers: 190
Last Update: April 26, 2016
Visitors: 10372
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I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months, and he's amazing... He is very respectful, funny, so caring, and absolutely selfless. He does everything for me. I have a prince charming. But I'm selfish.
I've always been a very depressed person, and lately I am so off and on. He gives me everything, and I'm never happy. I always bitch and get jealous and freak... and I just feel horrible. He stays by my side no matter what but I am so close with just breaking it off because I know I shouldn't treat him this way. (link)
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You obviously want to change this situation, only you can do it.
Explain to him how you feel and ask him if he feels able to help you get out of this habitual depressed state you've got into. You'll both have to be strong in different ways, he'll have to learn to step back and allow you to do things for yourself and him too; you'll have to be very determined to act happy and pleasant almost ALL the time.
Give yourself regular time to be quiet, marking any changes in the situation and deciding what to do next. Get your guy to talk to you frankly about how your behaviour affects him and if he sees any improvements there. Try to be even-handed, both negative and positive points should be included. Then try to build on both of these to improve further.
Eventually, you should feel happy, relaxed and glad to be together, it won't be an act any more, being happy won't be a chore, it'll come naturally.
Good luck, hope this helps a bit. Let me know how you get on?
Best wishes xxx.
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its all started out of my mom saying that I'm not a perfect daughter to her, and i told her so many times that i cant be a perfect daughter to her.
she got mad at me and after a couple of days i apologize to her, then went to green bay with my boyfriend.
I'm guessing she got mad at me, she was thinking that i only apologize to her so i can go with my boyfriend, but its not true.
she is trying to break my relationship with my boyfriend and I'm not liking that.
i know my mom is worried about my past because i was married once, but i mean if she except every guy that i date is going to failed me, then why am i even with a guy.
that's what makes me so mad at her is because she doesn't understand me at all.
i apologize to her because i loved her and didn't want that awkwardness between us, but i guess she didn't understand that.
so not she is not talking to me and i was fine not talking to her too, but she cut off my cell phone line cause she pays it.
i mean i don't know what to do, right now I'm having evil thoughts saying that i should pay back because i don't want to talk to her either.
i know I'm not that mean towards my mom and i don't plan to do anything to her.
but right now i felt like she hates me so much that she is willing to take away everything from me.
what do you think i should do? (link)
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I don't think your Mom hates you at all, she gave birth to you and that starts a very strong bond. Whatever has happened since then, I think your Mom has your best interests at heart, even if she appears to be going about it the wrong way; she can't bear to see you getting hurt, just as much, if not more than you don't really want to hurt her.
Before talking about this situation and show her the letter you've written; agree to talk quietly and with respect for each other's feelings; give each other time to explain why you feel as you do. I think you may find you're both on the same side; you both want what's best for you, at the centre of this situation.
Hope this helps a bit, let me know how it goes?
Best wishes X.
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I know that advicenators.com keeps information about suicidal people confidential, but I believe that if the person who asks the question is seriously suicidal, threatens to commit suicide until he's successful, or leaves a suicide note, his info must be handed over to professionals. This is the only place where their lives could be saved. I don't know how this could be worked out, but I believe this is a very serious responsibility. (link)
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I agree, it is a very serious situation when someone warns someone else that they're going to try and commit suicide. There is no other situation that is more serious, although there are some that are as bad.
I can see where you're coming from, that each suicidal person's information should be handed over to the professionals, but I don't know if there is a way of responding to all those calls and all the other serious events in the world without either exhausting the helpers or losing people along the way.
There are only so many people able to help those who feel suicidal, the Samaritans etc who would, if suicide had actually been attempted, pass it on to the paramedics. They would have to choose between the wide range of emergencies they have to deal with, road accidents, fights, women in labour, sriminal injuries, drug overdoses, stabbings.... the list could go on.
It's not a perfect world we live in but we try to do our best.
Hope this helps to explain the situation a bit.
Best wishes X.
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So i was in science class then my friends(all girls) and i started talking about our private area, and all began wondering of you shave or whatever down there.. So the question is: Do girls shave down there??? (link)
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I think this a personal preference. Some women do, for reasons of hygiene or because they, or their partners prefer it that way, other women don't, because it's not necessary and growback is uncomfortable .
It might be something to do with how you see your body, you or your partner might prefer the smooth, hairless, 'little girl'look or can't be bothered with it and remain 'au naturelle.'
Hope this helps, best wishes X.
By the way, men do it too!
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I am in my early 80's and in fairly good health. My husband died 5 years ago. WE had a good marriage and had two children. My daughter has been living with me for almost ten months due to a change in jobs and some monetary problems.She is a single mother whose daughter(my granddaughter)has just finished her first year of college, and is now living with me as well. I have a good sized house so that they each have their own rooms. Here is the problem. I have been extremely independent even after my husband died. Now I find that I am cooking, changing much of my routine and lacking my privacy. In addition, while I am NOT a cleaning 'freak' I do resent their rooms looking like pig sties. My computer is in one of the rooms so I have to use the room at times.My daughter is very generous, paying for theater,movies and dinners out, but, the stress is definitely raising my blood pressure. I love both my girls and want to help them out, but I feel really stressed. They don't understand how big a change this is for me and they don't see anything wrong with using the floor and bed as dresser, desk and kitchen table. I DO NOT want to fight with them. What do I do> (link)
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I would suggest making this a formal 'tenancy' agreement, not necessarily to the point of rent.
You could go as far as you feel necessary, they do all their own cooking or you cook for all two nights a week, everyone cleans their own room or you all pay for a cleaner.
As the owner of the house, you have the right to decide how your home is used. It needn't be painful, argumentative or even formal, just a discussion on who does what and how often.
Think of it not so much as a family situation, more like an agreement between students sharing a flat.
Hope this helps, let me know how it goes?
Good luck, best wishes XX.
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Hi! I'm in a situation where I'm not really sure what to do. It has to with my mom. So, let me start off giving you a little bit of background information on her. I am adopted. My parents adopted me the day that I was born, so these are my parents and this is a happy story, not a sad one. However, my parents are divorced. Because of this, my mom and I have been very close. As I was growing up, I told my mother everything. Apparently, this wasn't reciprocated, since she did not tell me that I was adopted. She kept that a secret from me until after the day that I graduated from high school. I am in no way condemning this. There really isn't a right time to tell someone. I am just giving you the background information. Because she had kept this a secret for such a long time, she became obsessive with everything. Back when people had myspace, she would hack into my account and look through my messages. She would sit next to me when I was talking on AIM and see everything I would do. As far as me and how I've acted growing up, I can tell you this. I have NEVER come home drunk. I have never tried one drug in my life. I get good grades and am graduating from college next semester. I don't have a track record of being "bad." So, I really never understood why she did all of these things. But, she told me later on that it was because she was afraid someone would tell me I was adopted and that I would find out in the wrong way.
That being said, she hasn't been going on my facebook and stuff like that and she doesn't know my passwords. But, she is manifesting the same behaviors in other ways. For one, she is obsessed with me being PERFECT, and by being perfect, I mean, looking perfect. She tells me that I have to wear hair extensions and has convinced me that without them, I am ugly. She is obsessed with me getting manicures and pedicures. Last week or so, I had a lot a lot of tests. I was so happy when I found out I had gotten an 97 on an exam that I thought I wasn't going to do so well in because I had so many exams going on at the same time. So, I tell her, "I'm so happy, Mom. I got a 97!" and her response was: "All you do is get A's and you never do your nails." I do understand the importance of looking groomed and nice, but I had 3 midterm exams and this is a summer semester, which means that it goes by very quickly and it is a lot of material to be tested on. So, I didn't have time to sit down and have a manicure.
Every semester, due to the several scholarships that I have, I get back a lot of money. This is the only money that I have for the entire semester, because, due to the fact that my department of study does not allow it's students to work. Last semester, I only got back $2,000, which is less than what I usually get ($3000). I am VERY fortunate to have this scholarship since my department does not allow it's students to work. Last semester, my Mom asked me to give her $1,900 and told me it was an emergency. The emergency was that she needed to pay backed up taxes and insurance money. I just wish she would have told me beforehand that she was going to use my money, because I was only left with $100 for the entire semester. And yes, this is MY money. I work for it because I need to maintain at least a 3.5 GPA to keep it. For the summer, I only got $500 back, because it's summer. They do not offer all the scholarships over the summer. Guess what? I got an invoice from my credit card saying that I owed over $200. I couldn't recall what I had bought. I never use my credit card. Only in rare emergencies. It is a student credit card and the limit is like $800. So, it's not like I'm going to make these huge purchases with it. Apparently, my mom had been using the credit card regularly this month to buy shoes.
I still live with my mom, and my grandparents. I strive to help to keep this house clean and as less messy as possible. Every time I have gotten a chance I have invested in intense organizing and cleaning. They have made A MESS of my room. Sometimes, my school books are missing. My closet has other people's clothes thrown in it. My desk is full of more clothes that my mom buys on a daily basis. She does not work, and therefore, she believes it is okay to spend the day shopping... with my credit card. I am getting VERY tired of seeing shoes thrown on the floor, of my books getting lost. I am tired of being told that extensions are the only way I look pretty. I am tired of having to stay in the library till late studying because I can't study at home. I feel at a loss of air looking around my room. I can't even find clothes for me to wear on a daily basis because of the mess in my room... that they created.
I am starting a new job. This is going to be very relevant to my career. The salary is great! My mom is already talking about how I need to purchase two gym memberships for me and for her, how now that I'll have a job, I can pay for all my credit card bills... which she used. Now... I understand that she's my mom, and that through my childhood, she paid a lot of things for me. The difference here is that she knew exactly what she was paying for when i was a kid and gave the authorization to pay it. Am I being unreasonable? I really want to move out, which I can afford now. But, am I being unreasonable in being angry with her? (link)
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I don't think you're being unreasonable. The scholarship money is yours, allocated especially to you and depends on your grades. I think that your mother using this money is financial abuse. Likewise, the money you will potentially earn from your new job is yours, for you to do with as YOU choose. If you chose to give your money to a donkey sanctuary in India, so be it. It is yours.
Moving on from the position where your mother thinks that your money is at her disposal to a situation where you use your money how you choose, independently, is going to be very hard.
Her habit of spending your money as and when she wishes i of s deeply ingrained, I think it may be connected to her earlier behaviour of checking your messages, she still feels in control of you and your life.
Making a clean break is going to be difficult, especially as you'll probably feel you want to stay close to her and other family members.
First you need to find support; a friend, family member, teacher, therapist, whatever, someone who knows the situation and is known and trusted by the rest of the family.
If the situation goes wrong and communications break down between you and your mother, this person could be the go-between for both sides.
Try to explain to your mum how you feel, that you are never good enough unless you do this or that, how you resent her using your money as her own, how you need to be your own person dealing with your own finance and other affairs, by yourself.
No doubt, she will kick against these changes, but you need to be sdtrong. Keep reassuring her that you love her and you are gratedul for all she's done for you, but you need to stand on your own two feet and be yourself, in your own space.
I do hope this helps, let me know if I can help further?
Best wishes, XX.
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Lately I feel like my friend just complains to me about everything. She has it really bad, to me at least. She's anorexic, and is in a "relationship" with a guy across the country. She sexted him and her mom found out and it's not so good. She's been going to thereapy btw.
Well I cut myself, because of alot of things. I hate my stepmom, myself, I'm worried about my friend. My mom knows I used to cut, but doesnt do anything about it. But I have no one to talk to because they all seem to have it worse than me and I feel selfish talking about myself. So instead I cut and hide my scars. It's really hard to explain. I wrote a poem, explaining it better
You always tell me I should talk
But I feel selfish, so I walk
I refuse to burden you with me
It's locked inside under lock and key
When you ask if I'm okay
I'm dying to come out and say
"No I'm not" but you can't see
The pain revolving inside of me
I stay as silent as a ghost
As the pain feed of its host
My fingers close around a knife
It glints and threatens to take my life
I refuse to look in the mirror
I hate myself and my tears
I hate the scars made from the hurt
But love the blood that stains my shirt
As time passes I grow weak
Tears slide endlessly down my cheek
When I'm around people I wear a smile
But I'm dying all the while
So I'll tell you every lie
So you'll never see me cry
I'm so sorry if I hurt you
Theres not a thing I wouldn't do
I would run a thousand miles
If all you'd ever do was smile
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Your poem is very good and you're right, it does express the pain you're feeling.
Is there someone you could show this poem to, teacher, doctor, counsellor, friend, family member? Anyone who will see the pain, as anyone who reads it will surely do and can help you talk about your feelings when you cut, when you don't and why.
It worries me that you don't have a friend to confide in, share secrets with; you might find that your friend would really appreciate hearing how you feel. We all have ways of controlling stress; mine is to relax with my crafts, yours is to cut releasing your tension, your friend organises her food intake. You might both benefit by telling her that everyone has to have a safe way of releasing and reducing their stress levels. Perhaps you could find something you could do together - painting, walking, singing in a choir, swimming, playing sport - whatever you both enjoy that helps you forget your problems.
I Reaklly hope this helps, keep in touch if you feel like a chat. Best wishes XX.
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And how I could have done things better, so I wouldn't be this stressed out and unhappy. I basically have ruined my life. I feel like my life only progressively gets worse, because I allow it. I was happiest in early childhood, things started progressively getting worse after elementary school, all because I allowed it. I allowed myself to procrastinate and not participate in enough school events and have enough hobbies and that's been my downfall. I'm 18 now and i'm just so mad and I have dreams but how can I just forget the past?? but I want to but it's just so painful looking back, because as a kid I thought I'd have the typical teen experience with friends and everything and yet I didn't do that. I know some things are out of my control but I feel like I mostly could have prevented it. I just don't know how to move on even though I want to, but its like I'm just having this stupid mental block. I think this is due a lot to me being a perfectionist, and my parents basically expecting perfection even though they deny it (love is only conditional. now that i'm failing one subject they don't like me as much) and it just makes me like.. shut down, basically. i don't even have good social skills cause i've spent so much of my childhood on the computer. cause nobody really invited me for stuff and etc. and now i procrastinated applying to colleges so i'm going to community college even though my grades could have gotten me somewhere good, so now i have to do really good in CC and transfer. but i just need to get rid of this self sabotaging mindset and it's really hard cause i can't go to anyone, i dont have any best friends or anything, or even good friends. i don't think i'm this crazy weird person, i just have bad intimacy issues. i greatly fear getting close to someone and then them leaving me because they don't want to hear my problems so i keep my problems to myself. i've started going to a therapist but i hate how it's only once a week. i really hate being a human, i wish i could be more in control of my actions and not be led by emotions like I allow myself to be
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Only you can change your life. You must leave the past behind you, there's nothing anyone can do to change it. Look to the future; where do you want to be in 5 years time? Still sitting there, worrying about what was, years ago? Or getting on in life, making friends, having close relationships and being a useful human being?
Whatever challenges lie ahead of you, do your utmost to overcome them and shine as brightly as possible. If that's not enough for your parents, then you'll have to explain that you've done your best and no-one can do more than that. If it's not good enough for YOU, you'll have to work harder to shine brighter.
You can do pretty much whatever you want to do, be what you want to be, but you have to plan the future, decide what you want to do, to be and who with. Go for it! It's all out there just waiting for you to decide.
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I am a 20 year old, semi-independent college student. I live with my father across the country from where I originally grew up. We moved when I was in 7th grade, and while the move was tough on me at first I quickly started feeling perfectly at home in my new state. I am now in my second year of college and would say that I definitely have a life here that I am not going to leave. The problem is with my mom's emotional well-being. I understand that she misses me, but it is her fault that I had to move away in the first place. We're on good terms now and we talk often enough (a couple texts during week days, sometimes a phone call every once in awhile). She has this unhealthy fixation on me moving back in with her though that makes me really uncomfortable. She'll take any opportunity to ask me to come back, and I'm at the point where I just don't know what to say to her any more. In fact, I flew over to see her last year (for the first time in over two years) and it was really a terrible experience. She was off her rocker the whole time (not drugs or anything) and just really depressed and she gets irritated over everything. I'm the kind of person who doesn't let nasty little remarks go so I usually escalate the situation.. basically we got in a fight (mind you... first time seeing her in years), that got to a point where she demanded I get back on a plane home and that's precisely what I did. ANYWAY. It used to be every time she'd get like this I'd explain to her gently that logistically it just wouldn't work out because I have a job, a girlfriend, a network of friends, I'm going to school, and there are a lot of opportunities where I am at, etc. But now I just ignore the texts because if I go down that road it's just an emotional rollercoaster where she tries to guilt trip me. I got a text from her just a couple nights ago that says "I had a dream about you you were just a little boy again and I was taking you to school. Okay that's it pack your bags u comin home!" Does anyone have some advice of what I can say to her (if I even should say anything to her)? Maybe I should change the way I think about the situation but what I really want is to stop seeing my mom getting all depressed I don't live with her. If she would stop brooding about it all the time it wouldn't be such an issue for her. (link)
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Your Mom sounds like she's feeling sad and
unwanted, her family have gone and whe isn't needed anymore.
My mother has similar problems. I ring her once weekly and we talk about anything and everything, family news, tv, politics, whatever comes up. She really wants to tell me all bout her health problems, which is fine, but self-limiting as I don't have all the answers!
Could you try ringing her regularly, let her know what's happening in your life, any harmless gossip etc.? If she's online, you could email her, send her jokes, news items etc. that you think she might be interested in, anything really to reassure her that even though you don't live together anymore, she's still an important part of your life.
Jppe this helps, let me know how you get on? Best wishes.
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I have to write an esay about how we can use technology to make the campus more inclusive of those with disabilities.
But what counts as a disability? Obviously physical ones that you can see but what about mental health like autism, etc? (link)
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I think what counts as a disability is a very broad question. SOme people consider blandness a disability but I know of a blind man who goes long-distance road-running, unaccompanied! Some people might say the greatest disability of all is a closed mind, unwilling or unable to accept anything that's different from what they consider the 'norm'. Disability is what you make it.
At the beginning of your essay, you should state what disabilities you are considering, physical, mental or a mixture of the two. This narrows a range a bit but at least there's plenty to write about!
Sorry I can't be of more help but I hope this goes some way towards it. Best wishes x.
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Ok so my school is doing a talent show and my mom says i should not do a song i suck at dancing and i want something easy that will knock the judges dead (link)
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Singing is an obvious and popular choice for talent shows, but there are other things you can do. You could consider a reading of poetry or prose, magic tricks, a sketch, puppet theatre, mime or comedy.
There are probably other options too but that's all that came to mind straight away!
Try to think of something you'd like to watch, something that will catch your attention and keep you entertained. Perhaps you and a friend could copy a comic act, like Abbott and Costello or Laurel and Hardy.
Hope this helps, let me know how you get on?
Best wishes X.
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So I met this great guy, cute, funny, smart, and we have a lot in common. We've been out a few times and we talk constantly. But I learned recently that he stole 50 dollars from a friend of mine once.
I'm not sure what to do now...
Ugh, please help?? (link)
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I think you should give him a chance to explain what might just be bad feeling or misunderstanding on the part of the friend who told you this. Until you know both sides of the story, you can't really judge what happened; it will possibly never be completely clear.
All you can do then is go with your instincts about him and how you get on together.
Hope this helps a bit, let me know how you get on? (This makes me sound really nosey, I know, but I like to know if advice works and situations improve.) Best wishes X.
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These people suck here' I can't say what I want here''!!! Just to die die diiiiiiiiiieeeee!!!!!!!!!!'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'!!,,,,,,
You think I'm crazy ..igoi
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I don't think you're crazy at all.
I do think you're trying to have your voice heard but nobody seeems to be listening to you.
What do you want to say?
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I found this couples necklace and at some point my boyfriend and I were talking about how it would be nice for us two to have something similar so I thought it might be nice.
I just can't decide whether it would be weird for me to give him something like this as a birthday present...
We have been together for almost three years, and we are moving in together around the date of his birthday aswell. (Which is in July..but you know how it is when it comes to thinking of presents)
My other option was getting him a Kindle (I already know which one..) Since he loves mine, and he'll have a lot of reading to do for University next year.
Would the Kindle be a better birthday gift choice and perhaps leave the necklace for our anniversary or Christmas?
I am pretty stuck right now and any advice would be greatly appreciated! (link)
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I think the Kindle is a good idea as a present; university demands a lot of time and so does looking for books, aanything that saves time for stufying is well worth considering.
If money isn't a problem (?!) you could give him both the Kindle and the necklace, one for his birthday, the other as a moving-in-together gift.
Another option would be to keep the necklace as an anniversary present, whether for q month since moving in, 3 years together or whatever comes to mind!
Hope this helps a bit, let me know how it goes? Best wishes X.
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me and my dad have unprotected anal sex
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Your situation is wrong on so many levels, its hard to know where to start.
The main problem is your father is not the person you have sex with; that's a crime called incest. You don't give your age, but its irrelevant anyway; sex between close family members connected by blood is taboo in most societies. Its a violation of trust and parental responsibility on his part.
Find somebody you can trust, a teacher, priest, doctor or family counsellor; tell them what's happening between you and your father, ask them for help to resolve this situation. If they can't help, find someone who can. You and your dad need help to break this habit and restart your lives in a healthy way. You need to take your own life back, live it how you want to.
I really hope this helps you; please email again if you need further help or just a friendly ear.
Best wishes XX.
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My 2 wonderful, loving parents, deserve so very much more than I could ever come close to. I have been dead for a long time, but not dead enough. Im embarassed, full of shame, guilt, disgust, I am ugly, self loathing, could not hate anyone more than myself, and this list of patheticness could go on forever. Id would spend my life helping my great parents, strangers, homeless, ANYONE in need of help -IF that was an option. I cant even support myself at 42, cant get any work, and I spend all day, every day applying and interviewing for jobs and then never get called or hired. But I keep on trying. I have been homeless, except for when my parents allow me to stay with them, thank GOD. I own nothing, I have no car, no friends, no clothes, no bus in the area I am in, no money, cant find any means to make any money at all. I only seem to lose hope, things only seem to be getting worse, never better. Id love to help others, Id love to help anyone, but I dont have the means to do so. I cant even help myself. How can I help another?????? I even tried to volunteer at a hospital and there is a 9 month waiting period, just to volunteer. Getting a job that pays, is looking more impossible everyday. Sorry to be so negative, but welcome to the real world. Its a big scary one. That sounded nice, when you said about me helping hundreds, maybe thousands of people. That is a dream, but the reality is I cant help one person, myself. I will help anyone I see, if I can, I do. But it has gotten so bad now, that i rarely go anywhere, because I can not afford anything, but to stay in front of a computer, sending out resumes, that rarely respond anyway. I dream of helping out a charity, but there are no buses in the area I am in, Pembroke Pines, Florida. I have no bike, no car, no skates, no friends, no money, what could I possibly do? Sorry to be so negative but I have been in this dark place for a very long time. I try, but I am not moving forward, making no changes, feeling trapped/doomed. I just dont see how I can help others when I cant even help myself. Believe me, when I do succed with my suicide, it will be a big load off my entire families back, less stress, and finally freedom! They deserve a permanent break from me. I want a permanent break from me too. I hate me, I am useless. Dont wanna waste no more anything. But thanks for caring. (link)
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I'm so sorry, my answer must've sounded so glib and naive to you.
All I can say is that I believe that only you can change your life, it's only the future we have any control over, after all.
I'd love to be able to help you more in some way but distance, time and extreme lack of funds affect everything. I believe there might be a suicide help group in your area, saw something online; perhaps you could try them for advice? So, all I can actually offer you is a kindly ear through these pages; if you need cheering up or a e-chat I'm your man!
Best wishes, keep in touch? X.
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Alright so about 20 mins ago me and my little brother were playing soccer and he keep saying penalties and saying no take it back do it again I wasn't ready (throw ins) and at the end he just I don't know I think its more my problem but i threatened to kick his ball up the back yard pitch dark 3 acres but I actually wasn't he was just annoying me ( Im not that mean I hope ) and any way went down to the house and he annoyed me so I kicked about 5 meters away and chased after the ball like him he got it then I pushed him over and he tried to get up I pushed him he quicker me and all and I keep doing it to him then I got the ball again and he started crying. I also made him cry this morning and felt bad about it now I feel really bad and I want to Apologize and all but I just want to be a good older brother etc I try but he just gets on my nerves I need advice on how to have fun with him and how not to get angry and hurt him threaten him etc he is like 8-9 I'm turning 14 I know those details arnt suppose to go on the net but ahwell it's for him I'd take my life for him if I had to I lI've him and all just need that advice please thanks (link)
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This is hard to explain but I think you have to try and remember what its like being his age, with little respect or consideration shown to you and wanting to do do all the silly stuff of life.
I know when I was his age, all I wanted to do was show off how clever I was so I'd devise spelling tests for myself (all words I knew of course!) and ask my mother to test me.
Before playing games, agree terms first, for example, penalties only if both sides agree, the one who kicks the ball out gets it back etc. Making a cintract between you and will hopefully prevent disagreements and fights; it also encourages him to make decisions and see the consequences of his actions.
If you feel you might get angry, cool down first then suggest you both do something useful or creative, cleaning the car, your rooms, painting, cooking, going for a walk together.
You could try forgetting that he's your brother, think of him more as a potential friend - the age gap between you of 4-5 years seems massive now but in 10 years time, you'll be two young men in the the same age group, with similar interests.
Giving him a chance to shine by showing off a bit, getting to know him and being friends might reap big rewards later on for both of you.
Hope this helps, let me know how you get on?
Best wishes x.
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My existence is an absolute waste of space! I am 42 years old, never been married and have no children, Thank GOD! Just my existence,stresses out the only people that love me, my poor parents! I cant get a job to support myself, pathetic. I am so grateful my parents let me live with them now, because being homeless is hell. Living with them, I ALWAYS feel so awful, guilty, embarassed, ashamed, miserable, in the way, a mooch, loser and big disappointment. I serve NO purpose here, I do nothing, I am a failure. I am not alive. Ending my wasteful existence makes so much sense! My first choice is to donate all my organs, body parts, blood, eyes, etc... So many things that may be able to help others. I am afraid to bring this option up, because I do not want to be put in a psych ward, been there, done that & no thank you. I am in great health, and it makes perfect sense, to give of myself, to any other person that actually WANTS to live, as I do NOT want to exist another minute. Any suggestions? I suppose i am looking for someone like Doctor Kovorkian, a doctor that would assist it my death, in order to put me out of my pain and misery, and give life to anyone that needs something I could offer. If that cant be done, than it just seems wasteful. (link)
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At first I was angry when I read your question; wanting to end your life when you're just one of thousands who are in the same situation! Then I was sad, because after your death, your parents will be left wondering what happened, why and if they could have helped you. So much more wasteful to end your life than spend it helping others, like your mum and dad, for example.
WHat most annoys me is that you want to restrict your help to just a few who may benefit from whatever organs the doctors can harvest from your body. Surely you can see that by staying alive and helping other people to improve their lives, you'll be potentially helping hundreds, maybe thousands of lives?
There are hundreds of ways that you can help people who are in similar situations to you; charities are always looking for willing helpers. I know its hard when money is tight, but surely its better than giving up altogether!
Ask at local charity shops, go online and search for 'volunteers' or 'charity work' for ideas.
I know you can't do everything but start where you are and do what you can.
Hope this helps you, let me know if you need further advice (or just congratulations on doing so well!) Best wishes.
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How can I painlessly commit sucide? I do not want my wife or son to find me so I will most likely kill myself in a public restroom. (link)
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There is no painless way to commit suicide. Each method has it's advantages and disadvantages, but all of them are painful.
You say you don't want your wife or son to find you but how will they manage without you?
Surely, even in these recession times, it helps having someone to share the pain, someone who knows you and help you with a smile and a hug?
How will your wife namage without that support that only you can give her? What example for life will your son get if you succeed in killing yourself?
Please try to find someone to talk to, a doctor, priest, Samaritans whatever, someone who will listen and hopefully, give you other options.
I really hope this helps you, keep in touch if you feel I can help further. Please give yourself another chance to get life right, for your family's sake?
Best wishes.
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14/f
Hi, my dog is a one year old sheltie and he is my beautiful baby boy. Anyway, he is my family's first dog and it took EXTENSIVE persuasion on my part to convince my parents to get a dog. But we got him a year ago, and he's the sweetest guy. He's completely non-aggressive, would never hurt a fly (he would be SCARED of a fly, that's how sweet he is) and has the cutest little face. We got him when my brother went to college, to help me out with the transition (I am very close with my brother) and my dog has done a great job filling that empty space. However, my mom DESPISES our dog. The reasons why are as follows: He is extremely reactive and barks at everything- its very difficult to walk him because he goes berserk when he sees another dog (but if he has the chance to meet the dog, he is NEVER aggressive. We know it's not out of aggression) so that's the main issue. He barks inside the house if something (walker, biker, truck, or dog) passes by, and it's a loud bark. But this is part of his breed. Shelties are known to be a barky, reactive breed because they were bred to herd sheep and alert their masters if an intruder came into the field. So he thinks he's doing his job. Personally, I think my mom is behaving ridiculously. She said to me that she HATES, HATES, HATES the dog, she wants to put him down, she doesn't care what happens to him, and she hates him. Well, the only thing he does wrong is bark, which is part of his breed. That's it. He doesn't bite, beg or do anything bad. I don't think that's a good enough reason to constitute such hatred- it can get annoying, but nothing more than that. He requires a good amount of exercise, but I can take care of that. I've offered to do a great amount of work for the dog so she won't have to do it all- but I can only do so much seeing as I have to go to school. She complains how she can never do anything she wants anymore because of the dog. All she has to do is a half hour walk with him, then I can take care of the rest after school. So basically, she said she wants to get rid of him and we can't keep him, all because she is overreacting. Here's an issue- I am deeply attached to this dog. I love him soooo much. He's helped me deal with my brother being at college, and he's the cutest, sweetest companion for me. I enjoy playing with him because I want to make him happy. I want him to have the happiest life possible because I love him so much. He is a very deep dog, honestly, and gets depressed if we leave him for too long. He loves us. We're his family, and he loves us. It breaks my heart to think of how much it would hurt him if we got rid of him- trust me, he is a deep, sensitive guy. I cannot even express how much I love this dog, and I will have incredible difficulty speaking pleasantly to my mom if she gives him away. My dad and brother love the dog too, but they seem to be much less passionate advocates for his happiness and well being than myself. Anyway, how do I stop her from getting rid of him??? I love my doggy!!! He's my baby!!!! Thanks, and sorry that this was so long. (link)
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I think. possibly, if you take him to the vet, she/he might suggest some ways to control his barking. He might react well to ocedience classes for instance.
I don't know if there's something similar for dogs, but cat owners can buy a pheromone spray, that stops the animal getting stressed out over things; maybe there's a dog version too? As your dog is usually so amenable, perhaps his barking is instinctive as you suggest, but also he might be afraid of noises that he can't see the cause of, so he barks unnecessarily. Another cause for his barking could be that he's a young dog, trying to establish his territory.
I also think your Mum has something else that's bothering her, not just the dog, maybe she's fed-up of doing all the housework on her own, but does it because that's her 'job', the dog is the straw that breaks the camel's back, sort of thing. Could you explain to her, quietly and without any drama, in a 'family council' gathering, how much your dog means to you; give her chance to explain how she feels about life in general. You might find a way to please everyone, a difficult thing to achieve, especially in a family where tensions can be high, but you might win in the end.
Hope this helps, let me know how you get on?
Best wishes XX.
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