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I am in my 80s, and my daughter and grand daughter moved in. Some of the changes aren't good, how do I fix things?
I am in my early 80's and in fairly good health. My husband died 5 years ago. WE had a good marriage and had two children. My daughter has been living with me for almost ten months due to a change in jobs and some monetary problems.She is a single mother whose daughter(my granddaughter)has just finished her first year of college, and is now living with me as well. I have a good sized house so that they each have their own rooms. Here is the problem. I have been extremely independent even after my husband died. Now I find that I am cooking, changing much of my routine and lacking my privacy. In addition, while I am NOT a cleaning 'freak' I do resent their rooms looking like pig sties. My computer is in one of the rooms so I have to use the room at times.My daughter is very generous, paying for theater,movies and dinners out, but, the stress is definitely raising my blood pressure. I love both my girls and want to help them out, but I feel really stressed. They don't understand how big a change this is for me and they don't see anything wrong with using the floor and bed as dresser, desk and kitchen table. I DO NOT want to fight with them. What do I do>
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
maybe u cld leave this on the computer for them too see. do they have anything to put there stuff in? talk to your daughter tel her your not used to cleaning up after people and you need help.set up a cleaning roster..or everyday someone has their own routine,call it "the ___family routine" and stick it on fridge?that wld be cute
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I would suggest making this a formal 'tenancy' agreement, not necessarily to the point of rent.
You could go as far as you feel necessary, they do all their own cooking or you cook for all two nights a week, everyone cleans their own room or you all pay for a cleaner.
As the owner of the house, you have the right to decide how your home is used. It needn't be painful, argumentative or even formal, just a discussion on who does what and how often.
Think of it not so much as a family situation, more like an agreement between students sharing a flat.
Hope this helps, let me know how it goes?
Good luck, best wishes XX.
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