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I feel alone, like no one cares
Lately I feel like my friend just complains to me about everything. She has it really bad, to me at least. She's anorexic, and is in a "relationship" with a guy across the country. She sexted him and her mom found out and it's not so good. She's been going to thereapy btw.
Well I cut myself, because of alot of things. I hate my stepmom, myself, I'm worried about my friend. My mom knows I used to cut, but doesnt do anything about it. But I have no one to talk to because they all seem to have it worse than me and I feel selfish talking about myself. So instead I cut and hide my scars. It's really hard to explain. I wrote a poem, explaining it better
You always tell me I should talk
But I feel selfish, so I walk
I refuse to burden you with me
It's locked inside under lock and key
When you ask if I'm okay
I'm dying to come out and say
"No I'm not" but you can't see
The pain revolving inside of me
I stay as silent as a ghost
As the pain feed of its host
My fingers close around a knife
It glints and threatens to take my life
I refuse to look in the mirror
I hate myself and my tears
I hate the scars made from the hurt
But love the blood that stains my shirt
As time passes I grow weak
Tears slide endlessly down my cheek
When I'm around people I wear a smile
But I'm dying all the while
So I'll tell you every lie
So you'll never see me cry
I'm so sorry if I hurt you
Theres not a thing I wouldn't do
I would run a thousand miles
If all you'd ever do was smile
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Your poem is amazing.
Beautifully written and very moving.
You sound like such a wonderful person, a caring friend. I would be lucky to have a friend like you.
Okay, so your friends, you worry about them, cause you say they have it worse than you.
Well, for a minute let's pretend I'm your friend, and I don't have it worse than you. So I worry about you and want to help.
Here is what I would say.
Dear Friend,
I'm sorry you're hurting.
I'm sorry you don't think you can come to me with your problems, with your pain.
You're such a wonderful friend, supportive, never wanting to burden anyone with your pain.
But friendship? It's a two way thing.
You help me, I help you. That's how it works. We give and we take, because we're not perfect and we make mistakes, but we have friends there to help us get through it.
Don't belittle yourself, or your problems. They're just as important as everyone else's, and if I could I would definitely run a thousand miles, swim all seven seas, and carry any cross,
if that will make you smile.
Love,
Your friend
Now, this may come from me, but trust me when I say these are the words from every friend you have. Don't you trust them? Don't you believe that they'll be strong enough to take your pain? You can take theirs, after all. That friend you're talking about, she may very likely be stronger than you think. She may surprise you.
I wish you all the best, and I hope this helps.
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Your poem was very moving, and really well written. From what you wrote in there, I could see myself a year ago. I can understand what you're going through because I went through that kind of pain, and it led me to a near suicide attempt. Please go get help immediately! You are in so much pain, and you don't deserve to die! You should be having an incredible life, because you deserve it! I understand very much what you mean that you hate that the pain causes you to harm yourself but you like the blood. The reason so many people self harm is because when you bleed from a cut, your body releases hormones that make you feel better, but it's not the solution. Self harm is very dangerous, and the lives of people who hurt themselves or others are unbearable as they are currently being lived. You shouldn't be dealing with all this alone. There are people out there who can really help you. It's not your fault that you feel like that. You might have a chemical imbalance in your brain that causes these things, and it can be fixed! With the right treatment, you'll start to live again. When I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation, I wrote a message to the world. It's just like your poem. I know your pain, I've been there, and I've survived it! You will too, but no one can do this alone! You are so special, and you deserve to be happy, do yourself the biggest favor, and tell a responsible adult how you're feeling, and if you ever feel you cannot maintain your own safety, call 911 immediately. It is possible to love life again! Feel free to e-mail me at alexisgirlie@gmail.com if you need any further advice on this. Good luck :)
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Your poem is very good and you're right, it does express the pain you're feeling.
Is there someone you could show this poem to, teacher, doctor, counsellor, friend, family member? Anyone who will see the pain, as anyone who reads it will surely do and can help you talk about your feelings when you cut, when you don't and why.
It worries me that you don't have a friend to confide in, share secrets with; you might find that your friend would really appreciate hearing how you feel. We all have ways of controlling stress; mine is to relax with my crafts, yours is to cut releasing your tension, your friend organises her food intake. You might both benefit by telling her that everyone has to have a safe way of releasing and reducing their stress levels. Perhaps you could find something you could do together - painting, walking, singing in a choir, swimming, playing sport - whatever you both enjoy that helps you forget your problems.
I Reaklly hope this helps, keep in touch if you feel like a chat. Best wishes XX.
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