|
thoughts on your reply to my suicide choice
My 2 wonderful, loving parents, deserve so very much more than I could ever come close to. I have been dead for a long time, but not dead enough. Im embarassed, full of shame, guilt, disgust, I am ugly, self loathing, could not hate anyone more than myself, and this list of patheticness could go on forever. Id would spend my life helping my great parents, strangers, homeless, ANYONE in need of help -IF that was an option. I cant even support myself at 42, cant get any work, and I spend all day, every day applying and interviewing for jobs and then never get called or hired. But I keep on trying. I have been homeless, except for when my parents allow me to stay with them, thank GOD. I own nothing, I have no car, no friends, no clothes, no bus in the area I am in, no money, cant find any means to make any money at all. I only seem to lose hope, things only seem to be getting worse, never better. Id love to help others, Id love to help anyone, but I dont have the means to do so. I cant even help myself. How can I help another?????? I even tried to volunteer at a hospital and there is a 9 month waiting period, just to volunteer. Getting a job that pays, is looking more impossible everyday. Sorry to be so negative, but welcome to the real world. Its a big scary one. That sounded nice, when you said about me helping hundreds, maybe thousands of people. That is a dream, but the reality is I cant help one person, myself. I will help anyone I see, if I can, I do. But it has gotten so bad now, that i rarely go anywhere, because I can not afford anything, but to stay in front of a computer, sending out resumes, that rarely respond anyway. I dream of helping out a charity, but there are no buses in the area I am in, Pembroke Pines, Florida. I have no bike, no car, no skates, no friends, no money, what could I possibly do? Sorry to be so negative but I have been in this dark place for a very long time. I try, but I am not moving forward, making no changes, feeling trapped/doomed. I just dont see how I can help others when I cant even help myself. Believe me, when I do succed with my suicide, it will be a big load off my entire families back, less stress, and finally freedom! They deserve a permanent break from me. I want a permanent break from me too. I hate me, I am useless. Dont wanna waste no more anything. But thanks for caring.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
I'm so sorry, my answer must've sounded so glib and naive to you.
All I can say is that I believe that only you can change your life, it's only the future we have any control over, after all.
I'd love to be able to help you more in some way but distance, time and extreme lack of funds affect everything. I believe there might be a suicide help group in your area, saw something online; perhaps you could try them for advice? So, all I can actually offer you is a kindly ear through these pages; if you need cheering up or a e-chat I'm your man!
Best wishes, keep in touch? X.
]
More Questions: |