I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
Visitors: 32942
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i caught my bf looking at gay porn ads on craigslist. he says hes not gay and that it was just jack off material. he used to live in la and visit me in sb. one of the ads that he put up was on my way from la to sb looking for a pit stop. he said that it steamed from a tramatic childhood incident that trigered him to look at gay porn. i told him that if was looking at gay porn it would be one thing but a seperate email account and looking on craigslist ads for gay adds to meet up is another. he said he never did and he is socially akward enough that i do sorta believe him and he's never done anything like this before. idk what to do. i want to get over it but i feel like i cant trust him now. i told him even if it was with a girl it still would bother me. idk waht to do :( (link)
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I'm sure he's a nice guy, but he wasn't just looking at gay porn. He was looking at ads to meet up with guys for hook ups. That's a bad sign. I'm sure he was completely embarrassed when you found. There's no way he would tell you that he's been doing it for a while, which I suspect he has been. This isn't a one time thing. It doesn't mean he's an awful guy or treats you badly. It could mean that he's confused and he's in a relationship with you because it makes him feel "normal", but the idea that he has possibly hooked up with guys... that's creepy and dangerous. If you're having sex with him stop until you can really get to the bottom of this. This doesn't look good though. I think you need to talk to him about what he is really going through. He IS having sex with men. You need to be sure you are protected and you need to find a way to get him to be totally honest with you. Yes it will hurt and he will feel horrible, but its better to be honest about who you are than hurt the ones you care about.
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Im a 17 year old female. I've been dating this guy for almost a year. He lives 3 hours away from me and the distance makes it hard but he says he wants to be with me and that it bothers him but its worth it basically. Well he's cheated on me twice, not physically. He's just traded dirty pictures and had phone sex (which to me is just as bad.HE also asked the gurl if shed like to hook up. Anyway the first time I kind of just blew it off but this time Ive taken it very seriously.(same gurl both times) I was going to break up with him but decided not to for some strange reason. I love him alot. Ive know him for two and half years and dated him for almost one of those like i said. Well he says he loves me and that he doesnt want to break up with me and that hed be really upset if we did. But then again he goes off and does that and since im not as close as her why doesnt he just end it and be with her. Ive tried talking to him about it and he just over and over again says he loves me and that he doesnt want to end it. I know he cant be using me for sex, because we don't do it that often seeing our distance situation. He cant be using me for money because i rarely buy him anything. so if he was using me i dont know what it would be for. I guess what im asking is, is it the distance that could be casuing him to turn to people closer to supply his needs? If he can't stay loyal why doesnt he break up with me? How should i approach the situation in a mature manner and let him know if it happens again im leaving without it causing a fight? (link)
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I think the real question is, if he can't stay loyal why don't YOU just break up with HIM? I'm sure he does have real feelings for you, but those feelings don't translate into commitment and loyalty, which is what you want and deserve. Not every choice you make in your life will be easy. If you stay with him knowing what he's doing, what does that say about you? What does that tell him about how he's allowed to treat you? It seems best to back off this one for a little while. Maybe when you're gone he'll realize how lucky he was to have you and he'll feel stronger about being faithful. I think if you stay now you're only giving him permission to keep doing what he's doing. It isn't right and you don't deserve it.
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I'm babysitting my cousins alllllll day everyday, this summer. I just need some fun things to do with them. Anything would be appreciated. Thanks! (link)
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When I used to babysit I found it helpful to set a loose schedule, just a light routine. Like - breakfast, tv/movie time or free time, outdoor time, lunch, nap/resting time, game time/activity time, afternoon snack, free time. I didn't have an activity every day, sometimes it was card games or board games. Sometimes I'd save toilet paper rolls and string and egg cartons and we'd make musical instruments for crafts, or macaroni jewelry. It helped the day go by faster when I could measure the time by what we were doing. Do a search for easy craft ideas and outdoor games. Treasure hunts using things from around the house were always fun. Just use your imagination. A nap/resting time is REALLY important. You'll need that little break and so will they. Even if they are too old to nap. I used to make the smaller kids just lay down quietly for an hour, even if they don't go to sleep, and the older kids I would make them have a reading or quiet time for an hour. It will help break up your day a little bit. Have fun! I think its really good that you asked for advice about this. It means you want to be a good babysitter. I'll bet you'll be their favorite babysitter in no time. Good luck.
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Isnt Jesus technically a zombie since he rose from the dead???? (link)
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LMAO! I never heard that one before. I guess its actually kind of a good question. The answer is no. Zombies are the "un-dead", meaning they are still dead, just animated. Jesus rose from the dead to become alive. He became a living being again and rose to heaven to await the end of days. His body disappeared because he physically came back to life and left earth.
I like the zombie angle, though.
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What is it with black college men and not wanting to be "tied down" as they call it, meaning in a relationship.
My best friend and I have been hanging out multiple times a week for several months now, we have admitted to liking each other, that we aren't seeing or talking to anyone else, and yet we are not official? Why? Although I love him, and he's my best friend, I feel like I'm wasting my time, I want something more meaningful then what we have now, I want a relationship.
How do I approach the subject? We haven't talked about it, any topic of relationship and commitment has been so far avoided. I haven't mentioned anything because part of me wants him to say something first, and the other part is scared of him saying no which will screw up our friendship. Also when do I approach the subject? Right up front or when I'm about to leave? I need guidance on this! Lol! And what exactly do I say.
If his answer is no, then that means we won't be able to be such close friends anymore because if I get another man in my life it will be awkward, and I'll probably have a hard time getting over my feelings for him, especially since we are in the same major and take all the same classes in college.
Oh and don't say he could be using me, because we are intimate very rarely, we hang out as friends much more often.
Thanks!
Me: 19
Him: 24 (link)
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Sorry. I know you didn't want to hear this, but "we are intimate very rarely" raised the RED FLAG. "Very rarely" is just enough to keep him coming around without making a commitment. Look, its not that there's something wrong with you. He's a guy! If someone is offering, he's not going to turn it down. If you want this relationship to go to the next level, for real, turn him down. Seriously. Stop having sex. Trust me on this. I promise you if you set some standards he will be more intrigued. Ever heard that old saying? "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Its true. I've been married for 10 years. We dated in college. I didn't sleep with him. I once asked my husband if he would have married me if I had started sleeping with him back then. Quite honestly, he answered no. He said if I had I would have been like every other girl to him, and he wouldn't have been motivated to get closer to me. The "hunt" was what kept his attention. As we got closer, he realized he really wanted to be with me, and THAT'S what inspired him to commit to me. Girls make the mistake all the time of sleeping with a guy and then thinking that will make him more interested. Its really the opposite. If you don't believe me, ask a male friend (not him). Trust me on this one. Stop sleeping with him and set some standards. My guess is he'll rise to meet them or back off. Either way, you'll know where you stand.
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i'm 16/f
i gained a little extra weight this winter, since i wasnt outside and wasnt active, and i'd like to easily and quickly lose that weight. my mom has some diet pills called relacore(sp?). would it be bad for me to take those at my age? what are the side effects if i did? (link)
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Those pills aren't good for you. They raise your heart rate and can cause complications with your heart. I tried taking them once and it just messed up my body. You're young. The best way to lose weight is to eat a little less and exercise more. 2 pounds a week is a realistic goal. At your age you'll lose that weight in no time. Good luck.
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Okay my best friend casey has a guy friend (trevor) at college who goes line dancing thursday nights. he's from PA and we're from NJ. trevor has 3 older brothers who go with him and he asked if she would go. basically i went with her two weeks ago and it was a lot of fun and i think his one brother tom is really attractive. well last week we brought our other friend heather as well. heather also thinks tom is super attractive. well my best friend is trying to hook heather and tom up or at least wants them to hook up. we're all going back this thursday so what do i do?? Is it bad if i try to flirt and dance with him? (link)
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Nobody's made any commitments yet, so all bets are off. May the best woman win!
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So im going to college this fall. Ive always wanted to go to this one college, LEE, along with my parents. but i feel its turned more into their dream then mine. I have a long distant relationship (for 2 yrs) and want to go to a community college where he is(im 18 almost 19 and hes almost 20), to save money too. I found out im paying for all my college. And the Communtiy college is half the price of LEE. Id go to the college for general education then go to LEE, and while doing GE id be getting some classes for my major out of the way. but id be living with my boyfriend and my dad is a pastor so thats another problem. I recently moved in with my boyfriend but moved back home for college and now i think it was a very bad idea. cus i wanna go back and i know theyll hate im moving back with him and not going to LEE. what do i do? i dont want to go to LEE right now. And its all they talk about. (link)
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Your parents love you more than anything on this earth. You won't fully understand the depth of their love until you become a mother yourself one day. Until then, you have to try to understand where they're coming from. They understand that what you're doing is a mistake and they want to see you succeed in every way. They know living with your boyfriend is not a good idea, not just because of the religious aspect, but on a more personal level as well. That being said, you're an adult now and you're paying your own bills and you need to be able to make your own decisions. You need to sit down with them during a calm time, a time of peace, when you're not arguing. Maybe even plan a family dinner out or something. Tell them you understand they love you and only want the best for you and you know why they don't approve of your plans, but tell them you need to be able to make your own mistakes and find your own path in life. Tell them that they have to trust that the training they gave you while raising you will be enough to carry you through tough times. Ask them to let you become an adult and make your own decisions, even though its going to be hard for them. Tell them you appreciate hearing their opinions, but when it starts to feel pushy it makes you feel defensive. Look, I happen to agree with your parents, but the fact is, its your choice and as long as you're not accepting financial help from them, they really have no choice but to let you make your own decisions. I wish you the best.
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I'm turning 17 this summer. Right after I turned 16 I got really, really emotional. I used to rarely cry; when I was younger, I considered it a sign of emotional weakness and willed myself not to cry even when I wanted to. I probably cried once or twice a year.
It has nothing to do with being sadder, but I seriously just cry so much more often and easily now. Like, my boyfriend (older) brought me to one of his friend's parties last week, and I didn't know anyone. His friend was chasing him and he ran away into the woods to hide with another friend. After about five minutes I took my stuff from the main party area and stood by his car and just cried. I guess because I knew nobody there? I know I had no need to, but I just cried, hard.
A few weeks ago I went through something really emotional at home, something I had a right to be upset about. In school the next day, one of my teachers harshly took my phone (while I was texting) right out my hands without a warning, which isn't extremely common at my school. That little trigger made me cry so hard and for so long that I had to go home from school.
Is this a hormonal imbalance? If I bring it up with my doctor at my next physical I'm afraid she'll think I'm like depressed or make me see a psychologist or something. Its not puberty, I've had my period since I was 11. Ideas? Any help? Thanks so much. (link)
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No, no... don't panic. It may not be puberty related but your body and brain are changing at a rapid pace right now in your life. You're going to notice a lot changing in your attitude, feelings and body over the next few years. You'll grow out of it. This is your body adjusting to the changes as you become an adult. You're NOT crazy! But if it makes you feel better talk your doctor and see what she says.
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Around 5 to 4 years ago, when I was 12 I let my dog lick my penis twice. I havent done it since then and have deeply regretted it since then. It's recently been plagueing my head because I have this close friend who I care for a lot and whenever she says that I'm amazing and unique I feel bad because what if she knew I did that? Should I feel bad for having her think I'm such a great person even though I did that? Or since it happened years ago it shouldnt matter? I'm a completely different and more mature and wiser person, so should I care about who I am now or what I did? Is she close friends with a freak? Should I be arrested for having done it? She's told me before that she doesnt care about anything I've done and that its not important to her, but everytime she compliments me, I feel guilty. Please help and please answer each question if you can.
(link)
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Everybody does weird things sometimes. We ALL have things we'd prefer people not to know about us. The important thing is that you never did it again. And you feel bad about it, which is a good sign. It means you know right from wrong. Forgive yourself and chalk it up to one of the weird, inexplicable things we all do in our childhood. Then move on. The act doesn't change the person you are.
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how do i cleanse my vagina after a yeast infection? (link)
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Once the infection is cleared up, use a light douche. Nothing scented. Just get the plain water and vinegar mix. NEVER douche more than once a week. It can clear out all the good bacteria that your body needs to keep balanced and that can cause another yeast infection.
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So there are always ants in our house during the summer time and it frustrates all of us because we only eat in the living room and the kitchen and we clean twice a week.
Do you know how else the ants can get into our house? I don't see any cracks where the walls are and we always have all the doors closed.
And it's just downstairs. I don't know if it's because we have carpeting up here and that's why there's no ants up here or what because it's very frustrating that I call my parents every time I see an ant (because I'm very scared of ANY bug) to kill it.
And we got this bottle last year where you just put it on some sliced cucumbers and I guess the ants will eat some and die. But near the end of summer last year they just started going around the cucumbers sooo it doesn’t work. Plus it leaves this clear film like glue guns, very annoying.
Do you know how to solve this problem? Or maybe even how to prevent it from happening next year? Maybe there's something you can spray outside in front of all the entrances?
Your advice is GREATLY appreciated! (link)
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I used to have this problem. The best way is to spray around the outside of your house and outside around windows and doorways also. You want to cover any paths ants might take with toxin. Just the regular Raid will work. Then put down crushed red pepper around the outside of the house and also along the route you see the ants taking. If you don't have animals that will get into it, put down a trail of the crushed peppers underneath door ways that lead to outside and window. Last, buy the Raid ant traps and place them strategically throughout the house. Its so annoying, I know, but the only way to get rid of them is to use a bunch of different methods at the same time. The pepper worked pretty well, and when combined with spraying it really helped. Good luck.
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I just found out today that my unemployment has run out. I am in school right now, 3 weeks into 2 6 week classes. I am also signed up for 2 more 6 week classes for the last half of the summer term. I have a two year old son who is in daycare monday through friday. Since my unemployment ran out I will not be getting any income except for my child support and my financial aid. I need some advice on wether I should put off going to school for a while and get a job, or if I should stay in school? I am scared that having a two year-old, having a job and being a full-time student will be too much on my plate. (link)
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It does sound like this will be a difficult time for you. Only you know what your financial situation is. If you can pay the rent, childcare, and get food and gas, my advice is to continue with school. It will be hard and you will get tired, but try to remember that it is only for a season, and you're working toward a stable career that will eventually give you more time and money for your son. If you have a supportive family be sure to sit down with them and let them know that you'll be very very stressed for the next few months with school and you'll need their support whenever they can give it. But you're working towards something better. The good things in life never come easy, but the harder you work the sweeter it is when you finally reach your goal. You can do this. Its only for a season.
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My boyfriend of a two years is a wonderful, funny, considerate man. (We live together, have lots of mutual friends and interests, and generally get along great.) However, I'm concerned about his past. Many friends have told me that he was a "playboy" before I knew him, and he openly admits to cheating on many past girlfriends. I've even -- ahem -- stumbled on old emails between my boyfriend and his male friends, in which they traded naked photos of women and said generally rude, dirty, abusive things.
This is a man who is always there for me, cooking me dinner and putting my needs first. He has given me no reason to distrust him in all the time we've been together. He swears that, since meeting me, everything is different. We're both nearing 30 and have started to talk about marriage. But knowing what I know about his unsavory past, I am having trouble believing him - and frankly I'm a little creeped out. Am I nuts to consider a life with this man? Is the cliche true - that people can't really change? (link)
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I don't think you're nuts to consider a future together. You obviously love him and you've said he's given you no real reason to distrust him. However, given your apprehension about his past, I think its best to just sit on this one for a while and see how things shake out. You shouldn't marry unless you are absolutely clear about him and how much you trust him. Marriage is forever. Its huge, so don't do it if you're not sure. I'm a huge believer in women's intuition. I think a lot of women train themselves to ignore their intuition because a lot of times it tells them things they don't want to hear. Listen to yours. Trust yourself.
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ok, i have been married for 5 years he was my first one i ever slept with, but now after i had my son, i still love him but i am looking for some excitement on the side to try someone different is that normal? is that ok? i have tried allready 3 guys in the last couple of weeks and all of them dissapointed me sexually is it me? should i stop? am i just crazy for doing this? i am still young (24) and never played around like this before but still feel unsatified what does everyone thing please advice (link)
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No, its not okay. You know in your heart that its not and I believe that is the real reason you haven't been satisfied with your recent sexual partners. You won't find satisfaction out there. The joy and satisfaction you seek will be found inside your own marriage, believe it or not. You married very young. Of course there is a part of you that is wondering what you may have missed. However, that's water under the bridge. You made a choice to be with someone for the rest of your life. You made a vow to be committed to that man for better or WORSE for the rest of your life. Well, this is one of the "worse" parts. Sometimes marriage can get tough and it makes you wonder what you were thinking. But the good news is you can be close again and learn to enjoy your marriage and your husband in a new way. But this will take work. Yes, no one likes work, but work gets you things. Just like you earn money at a job, you have to earn happiness in your marriage. You need to start by going to see a marriage counselor. ASAP. You don't have to tell your husband right away about why, but you can tell him that you're unhappy and you want some help to try to work things out. The truth can come out in the sessions and you'll have another person there to help with the emotions that will come out. If you're worried about the cost of therapy, think of how much a divorce will cost, and not just in terms of money, but also the toll it will take on you and your son. You say you still love your husband. That's a good sign. So go get help. If you go to church or something like that, ask your pastor or leaders if there is a couple that does couples counseling. My husband and I always take any marriage courses or classes that come up in our church, even when things are going great, because we want to be prepared for when things get rough, and those times will come. It happens to the best of us. The people that make it through the happiest are the ones who are willing to fight for what they've built together. Don't give up. You have to fight for your family. If you give up now, you may miss out on some really amazing moments in the future. Go find help immediately. I promise, you will never regret it. (p.s. -if it helps, I've been married 12 years, and even though I've never cheated I understand the desire. Every woman experiences it, but you don't have to act on it)
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It's the end of the school year and I've got this HUGE "underground" pimple under my eye near my nose! What do I do to make it go away overnight?? (link)
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It may not go totally away, but you may be able to raise it to a head. Press a hot washcloth (as hot as you can stand it) on the pimple for about 5 minutes. Let cool and repeat 2 or 3 times. Wait for a while. You'll start to see it coming to a head and then you can pop it. That's the best advice I can think of for this. Oh, also, as soon as it pops swab it with some rubbing alcohol or peroxide. It will help kill the leftover dirt.
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I'm planning on going to see a band sometime next week and will invite 3 other people to come with me. I'm a new kid in town (2 months), so I'm not that close to anyone yet, so I'm going to invite people that I think would like that type of music (MGMT) that I've already been talking to.
Anyways, there is this girl in one of my classes who was nice to me and everything, and we were getting to know each other and stuff, but now she seems to ignore me, and she invited a bunch of people for a big birthday party sometime next week. She's still handing out invitations and I feel hurt that she'd talk to me and everything earlier and not invite me when its gonna be a big party, not some intimate thing. Like its gonna be like a rave with techno music, from what I've heard. Like Im in class and I hear her talking about it with other people she's invited and its like.. ugh. Maybe she just forgot to invite me? Or idk.
I was thinking that maybe if I invited her to go see the concert she'd invite me for her party? Is that desperate? I mean I do want to be friends with her.. and did, before I knew about the party. but I am kinda shy so its hard for me to go and strike conversations with people I dont know too well and stuff.. while she is pretty extroverted. I only see her in school so I dont get much time to talk to her, too.
Maybe she thinks im boring or uninterested in being her friend when i just have to feel more comfortable around others before im really myself. it would be good to go to the party to see other kids from school and get to know them too, as summer starts.
Um should I just forget about her since she didnt invite me, or should I ask her on facebook if she wants to go to the concert? I mean i think techno is somewhat relative to MGMT... its electronic (lol) so I think she could like it.
I'm 16 btw. Thanks! (link)
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I don't think its desperate. You're just trying to get to know someone a little better. Maybe if she knows you a little better she'll invite you to the party. Go ahead and invite her, but don't depend too much on the invitation to her party. Concentrate on having a good time and getting to know her better and the rest will all fall into place. Good luck!
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my question is if im not already on the pill will it work to stop my period for the night ? Im on my second day of my menstrual cycle... (link)
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LOL. No.
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so the other day, all of a sudden my vagina got very itchy. i couldn't stop scratching it. now in every position i go to it still itches but hurts in like a burning way. what would this be? it doesn't hurt when i urinate, but when i go to wipe it does. also, there is no weird smell to it as if it were to be a yeast infection. (link)
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Yeast infections don't always come with a smell. This sounds like a yeast infection. Get an over the counter cream and treat it. If its not better in 5 days call the doctor.
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19/F.
I have had issues with sleeping for as long as I can remember. It can take me hours just to fall asleep at night, and I usually don't fall asleep until 3-4am. I'm in college, and that helps me fall asleep earlier, say around 12am because my roommate sleeps somewhat early. But now that it's the summer, I've gone back to my old habits.
It's not even that I can't sleep at this point, it's just that I don't want to sleep. I'll lay down and psych myself out, thinking about how I know I wont be able to sleep and I'm just wasting time. Then I'll either turn on the TV, get up and do something, or play games on my iPod. It's a mixture between not being sleepy enough to pass out and not wanting to, and it's really making me uneasy.
For example, tonight I laid down at 10pm to go to bed because I've had this big headache and I'm very tired. I turned on a movie to help me sleep because I figured it would help, but ended up finishing the movie, getting some food and playing video games instead of sleeping.
As exhausted as I am, I just can't turn my mind off when I want to sleep. I just wanna know if any of you guys have this problem and have overcome it, because it's seriously messing with my overall health. (link)
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Yeah, I know what you mean. I've had that same problem. If you can't convince your mind to shut down at night maybe you need a little help. You could go to your doctor and get a prescription for some light sleeping medication, or go to the pharmacy and get something like Tylenol PM or Advil pm. They do work and they're not addictive.
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