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Bothering Me For So Long
Around 5 to 4 years ago, when I was 12 I let my dog lick my penis twice. I havent done it since then and have deeply regretted it since then. It's recently been plagueing my head because I have this close friend who I care for a lot and whenever she says that I'm amazing and unique I feel bad because what if she knew I did that? Should I feel bad for having her think I'm such a great person even though I did that? Or since it happened years ago it shouldnt matter? I'm a completely different and more mature and wiser person, so should I care about who I am now or what I did? Is she close friends with a freak? Should I be arrested for having done it? She's told me before that she doesnt care about anything I've done and that its not important to her, but everytime she compliments me, I feel guilty. Please help and please answer each question if you can.
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Unfortunately we cannot change the past. I did this too when I was around 14. I looked on this website because I wanted to see of anyone could relate to the guilt I was feeling. Thankfully there are genuine people in the world who care and are willing to talk. I am truly grateful for that.
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everyone does stuff they regret.its what you do today tht matters
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First of all,
12 year olds have an urge to experiment.
It's totally okay, and you can read anywhere that we do things in our maturing ages that we may regret, but think would feel good at the time. It doesn't make you 'unholy' or a 'freak'. It makes you as normal as joe shmoe down the street. Good friends could care less what you did in the past. Don't worry about her, don't feel guilty. Reassurance is all you need here.
She'll think you're a good person, and our faults just give us CHARACTER. Don't worry about being judged. If you keep it to yourself, it's not a big deal.
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Everyone does things they're not proud of and which they'd rather people didn't know, including your friend. It's okay to keep this one to yourself. It wasn't a brilliant thing to do but it was a long time ago and it's not going to happen again so don't let it bother you.
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Everybody does weird things sometimes. We ALL have things we'd prefer people not to know about us. The important thing is that you never did it again. And you feel bad about it, which is a good sign. It means you know right from wrong. Forgive yourself and chalk it up to one of the weird, inexplicable things we all do in our childhood. Then move on. The act doesn't change the person you are.
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Stop dwelling on the past, As you said it happened 4-5 years ago. As weird as it might sound to thinking you are a bad person over it is exaggerating. Stop letting it get to you, Should you tell her?...NO. I can almost promise you if you do decide to tell her you very well might not get a very positive reaction for it. Let it go and don't ever do that again...It's disgusting.
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