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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
13/F
Ok so my cousin who by the way is 2years younger than me said he liked me. He is on my step-dad's side so he isn't blood related or anything but do you think it gay? I don't like him he's just my fave cousin.
The Answer
He is 10 years old and he 'likes' you?
He is just a confused kid, give him a break, at 10 years old he barely knows what he is saying.
(Unless your cousin is a girl, it isn't the slightest bit 'gay'.)
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The Question
hi
im sam and i have a freind lauren that she thinks that she is better than me and she did this web pade and it has all the stuff that she want to be but a web is a meant to be what about you and stuff like that any way i signed into her guest book and i said some thing like, a web should be about you not what you want to be, and the she changed it to like i wish i was kooler that u and suff like that and it is so gay and i am so angry i just want to kill her and i think that she is a B**** ! ! ! !
what do i do????
rockin_samsam
rocking out
The Answer
Hate her all you want but it's her web page and she can do what she wants with it. Don't like it? No one is forcing you to go look at it.
It sounds to me like she changed the page just to piss you off, and it looks like it worked.
So if you are that angry don't be her friend anymore, problem solved, and since you aren't her friend, you got no reason to visit her web page.
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The Question
14/male
So, it's me again with another question about B, the girl I love. So, as you might know, I like her, but she's got a boyfriend. I gave B, like, three letters from "Your Secret Admirer." But here's the problem. Her boyfriend smokes, but kinda in secret, but he always wears this No Smoking sweatshirt. I think she knows that he smokes, but should I mention something to her boyfriend about how he's got an ironic sweatshirt? Or should mention something to B about it?
Thanks,
-Fyce
The Answer
Why on earth do you need to butt in?
Sure, you wanna make a casual joke about the irony of his sweatshirt go right ahead. But her boyfriend smoking and you having a crush on her are completely different things, and unless this guy is your friend and you are really worried about his health (he isn't and you aren't right?) then you should probably just keep it to yourself.
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The Question
At this point in my life, I'm in love with a man living in another country, actually, an other continent. I probably shouldn't call him a man, since we're both just 17, but I hope you'll still take this question seriously.
We met once, and he was completely into me. He took all the initiative, he was the one calling and e-mailing, and sending gifts when we parted. Basically, he seemed far more interested of me than I was of him. But then -- we met once more. And suddenly it all changed. This time, when we parted, he had "no time" at all. E-mails, which were at first coming frequently, now only come once a month. He's stopped calling completely. And now I'm the one chasing him. What changed? Why does this ALWAYS happen to me? I always get admirers who would do ANYTHING (seriously) to get me, but after a while..I become the chaser. I become the bunny-boiler (not really, but you get the picture..I become the one obsessing and trying to make things happen)
I'm seriously sick of always getting to the first stage of a relationship, but never actually getting one. I'm sure I'm not the only one with this problem.
Answers will be appreciated.
Thank you.
The Answer
There isn't a lot of information in your question, but here is my best guess: It sounds to me like you keep missing the moment.
If you have people who would do anything to get you, why don't they get you? I mean, that’s the time right there when they are ripe to move from admirer to boyfriend. But if you are playing hard to get, shuffling your feet or just taking yourself out of it every time you are letting the moment pass, and the intelligent guy sees that you are not ready to be with him ('cause if you were, you would have done something by now right?) and moves on.
In a relationship, a healthy viable relationship, one person can't be doing all the work and shouldn't even be doing most of the work. The brightest flame fizzles out the quickest. If he was taking all the initiative, no wonder he got tired.
Did you return his affections and gifts with equal pleasure or where you just letting him worship you without being an equal participant in the relationship?
Take some control of yourself. If the guy is admiring you and you think he is relationship material say so, explain the kind of relationship you would like to have and if you are doing all the chasing ask him what is up. Don't just play around until he looses interest, be proactive.
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The Question
i'm a guy, and is it wrong to just want sex? honestly now, its what everyone wants
The Answer
It's not wrong to want sex, you are human aren't you?
Having sex with a person though is about entering a relationship with them. I don't mean like boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or even friendship relationship, just that even 'friends with benefits' or 'one night stands' are words that define the type of relationship you have with a person.
Like any relationship, the key is to be honest and responsible. You just want sex, fine. Make sure your partner in the act understands that and also is just looking for the release. If they want something else out of the relationship, don't sleep with them.
In my experience, very few young people, especially young girls are capable of a healthy relationship defined only by a sexual act. Few people find it comfortable or satisfying. A lot of them come to realize that no strings attached sex isn't really what they wanted, they wanted affection or love or just something else all together.
So, don't be so horny that you make dumb mistakes, just be responsible and respectful of your partners, and then when you know you are on the same page go at it like bunnies.
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The Question
i dont find black girls attractive, does that mean i'm a racist? is it juss subconscious racism?
The Answer
If you find yourself worrying that not being attracted to people of a specific race makes you a racist, you probably aren't a racist.
Sexuality is a strange thing, and something that evolves and grows with you, in a few years you might find you just can't get enough of black girls.
But I figure that racists don't worry about being racist, they worry about being caught being racist (or they should.)
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The Question
I was wondering if anyone could tell me the price range for contact lenses. I live in Canada, I have a medium perscription for both near and far sightedness. Thanks.
The Answer
Only your Optometrist is going to be able to tell you exactly how much your contacts will cost.
There are a few more variables other then just your prescription such as hard or soft lenses, if you need them custom made, the type of disposables and little things about your lifestyle.
The initial cost of contact lenses is made up of the cost of contacts and the appointment with you doctor, which might not be covered under you health care plan, so ask your parents about that.
All in all, and this is a really rough estimate, contacts seem to cost around 200$ - 350$ dollars a year in Canada, whether you are just buying one custom GP pair that will last, or if you are replacing your disposable packs regularly. Obviously, if you have disposables but don't wear them very much, you don't need to buy as many new ones.
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The Question
whats with the weird cartoon
The Answer
I don't like photographs of myself. I can't see a single good reason for putting a picture of me up on online. So, pointless purple dragon chick. Whee.
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The Question
is there any way to make your own jeans? do you have any guilds you could show me,or someone who has made them give me any tips?any advice would be helpful! thankyou
The Answer
Making jeans is a rather advanced sewing project unless you have a great deal of experience sewing it will probably really frustrate you. I've been sewing for over a decade but I couldn't be bothered to make a pair of jeans, they are a ridiculous amount of work and about as expensive to make as they are to buy.
To make a pair of jeans like you see in the store you'll need to make sure that you have a very good quality sewing machine. Sometimes you'll need to sew through 3 or 4 layers of thick denim and a lot of domestic machines just can't handle that.
You can look for patterns for jeans from your local fabric store and can buy denim there too. Make sure you also get extra thick thread. Look for coat thread or stuff called Coban thread; normal sewing thread isn't strong enough for denim. (Most denim you can buy in a fabric store isn't distressed the way most jeans are now which means you'll need to bleach or wear in your jeans after you've put them together.)
If you are making jeans with a zipper, you'll need a metal one not a plastic one and you'll probably need a needle for your sewing machine that is meant for thicker materials and wide enough for your thread.
Anyways, I could certainly go on, but the best idea is to go to a fabric store near you and ask them for ideas on patterns and supplies.
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The Question
okay well this is the deal.
im ready to have sex i know i am. im with a boy right now and we've decided that were going to do it. im just really nervous cuz im not on birth control and im scared something is like going to happen to the condom, like rip. i told him that i was nervous and asked him that whenever he felt like he was going to bust he would take it out and then put it back it when he stopped ..
is that a god idea and if your not on birth control and you use a condom is it most likely you can get pregnant or is like 1 in every 500 people?
please comment back asap !! thank you !!
The Answer
Sex is risky, it just is. You need to accept those risks are always there if you want to have sex.
Yanked from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/condoms/HQ00463:
"The breakage rate for condoms is two out of 100. Of every 100 couples who use condoms incorrectly and inconsistently, 14 will experience a pregnancy during the first year of use. Of every 100 couples who use condoms correctly and consistently, only three will experience a pregnancy."
So there you go, those are the numbers. Now the questions are, is that risk acceptable to you and do you know how to use a condom properly?
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The Question
I am 13, and all my friends shave their legs except me and one other peron. I always tell my mom to wash my sweat pants. She is like "If your wearing thooses just because you don't shave your legs than well go to the store and get you a razor!" And of course I say "What, No Mom!" because I don't like talking to her about that kind of stuff.(shaving, periods, dating, boys, whatever)
I want to shave because every one always looks at me wierd when they can see my legs and I have never worn a skirt shorter that my ankles since I was a little kid. I REALLY want to shave my legs, but I just don't how to tell my mom or what to say to her. What should I do?
The Answer
Just come out and ask her. Or next time she says, "Lets go and get you a razor," say: "Yeah, thanks Mom, let's do that."
Your mom doesn't seem to have a problem with your shaving at all. She clearly thinks it would be good if you started to shave and is willing to help, so the only problem is your own embarrassment.
Get over it, and then there is no problem and everybody is happy.
Or if you really can't manage it, buy your own sometime when you are out without her.
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The Question
i know sperm dies when it touches air right? well what if my b/f masterbates and then goes to the restroom, and then comes back and fingers me? what will happen?
The Answer
Sperm does not die when it hits air!
That is a ridiculous myth, much like the 'you can't get pregnant on the first time' or 'you can't get pregnant if you have sex in water'. All nonsense. You get semen in you then you can get pregnant.
Sperm are resilient little buggers and can survive a whole WEEK inside of a women. If they don't have the protection of a human body, man or woman's, they usually die between a 1/2 hour and four hours.
If you've touched semen or if your boyfriend has touched semen, make sure to give your hands a good wash before either of you touches your vagina. Or, even simpler, to buy a spermicidal hand wash and keep it handy.
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The Question
hey ummm this might be long.... ok this guy i really like asked me if i wanted to lose my virginity to him....and i was like asking him questions like if we would ever go out and he said he didnt know maybe.... and he also doesnt want anyone to know about it...which i can see that to because i dont want it getting around school either but i have the feeling that he doesnt like me and he just wants to lose his virginity....but i dont know. and like after we talked about doing it around his birthday and then like all of a sudden he asks my best friend out and im like OMG... and they went out for a couple of days........ but i havent talked to him about it anymore because i havent got the chance to... but i dont think he likes me anymore... so does anyone have any advice?
--->confused
The Answer
What do you need advice about? The guy is an idiot. He didn't ask you out, he was embarrassed by the very idea, and all he did ask you was if you would sleep with him.
Then he asked out your friend. Why on earth would he do that if he was interested in you?
Follow your gut instinct. He was never really interested in you. He wanted to get laid. I can't imagine why you even want to talk to him anymore, there is nothing he can say to make his behavior okay or even make sense.
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The Question
hi
i was just wondering what way i could get hollister & abercombie type of rips in my pants. like me doing them my self?
thanxx a bunchhh
The Answer
I don't really shop at either of those stores but I'm assuming you mean distressing the jeans so that you can see the white threads beneath.
Just use sandpaper, a pumice stone or even a nail file on the area. Place something hard underneath the layer you are trying to distress to make it easier, a block of wood works well and make sure you blow the little bits of denim that come loose as you file. After a little bit, the white threads will appear, do not file those guys. If you do you'll just make a hole, not a wear mark.
Distressed jeans you buy from designers are made to stay the way they look, but if you are distressing your own pair, the rips will eventually start to grow and tear larger and larger.
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The Question
I think I may have a yeast infection, but it's a little embarrassing for me because I'm 15 and I live with my dad and brother, and I don't want to tell them because it's embarrassing.
I looked up symptoms online and I actually think I've had the infection for a long time because it's been going on for a very long time, like two years. Is that possible? And what happens if it goes untreated for that long?
The Answer
Yes it is possible for you to have a reoccurring yeast infection for years and well it is definitely not a good thing, it is very rare for yeast infections to spread to other parts of your body and cause serious problems (if the infection had done this, you probably would have noticed by now, there would be pain and digestive problems and a whole slew of stuff.)
Left untreated yeast infections often clear up on their own when you get your period. The chemical balance in your vagina changes and the yeast can't survive. For some women, maybe like yourself, they develop it again as soon their period ends.
You really will need to see a doctor about this. Although there are over the counter treatments for yeast infections if you have had symptoms for this long and you've never been diagnosed with a yeast infection before, a doctor is the only one whose opinion you can really trust.
Don't feel too embarrassed when you tell your dad you need a doctor's appointment. Yeast infections are incredibility common; most women have one at some point in their lives. If you really can't talk to your dad about this, try a female relative or older friend, anyone who can talk to him for you, or go to the doctors with you.
Good Luck.
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The Question
Lately I've been hearing voices and seeing things that aren't actually there. I don't want to tell anybody because they'll think I'm crazy.
And also my kitchen timer's been talking to me.
This isn't a joke, I know it sounds like it is, but it isn't. I'm really scared about this.
-Possibly Crazy?
The Answer
Tell somebody, just what you told us, right now.
Hearing voices doesn't mean you are crazy, but hearing voices and not telling anyone means you are kinda stupid.
I know it's embarrassing. I know it's difficult to make people believe you aren't just kidding or imagining things. I know it often feels like you are begging for help and nobody is listening to you.
Most importantly though, I know there are only two choices, tell someone who will take you seriously and start to get better or don't tell anybody and let it get worse.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I are making wedding plans and we're debating whether to invite any of my relatives. You see, my entire family, with the (possible) exception of my father, loathes my boyfriend and makes no secret of it. Throughout my four-year relationship with him various relatives of mine have talked about him behind his back, illegally looked up confidential information about him and spread it around, made up outright lies about him in an effort to alienate me from him (my favorite slander was that he was riddled with VD and lying to me about it), and basically tried to ruin his career and his life. My mother admitted to me that she "hated" him -- I invited him to a family Christmas party a few years ago and he was told to "get lost" and was all but thrown out of the house.
Naturally, I don't really care to have these people witness our marriage. Certainly my boyfriend doesn't want it. He ought to be nominated for sainthood for being civil to them all this time, even when they were insulting him to his face. But he doesn't like their actions any more than I do.
The thing is, though, my family hates my boyfriend and not me. They adore me -- they just express their love in a very destructive way. I know if I refused to invite the lot to the wedding, they would be deeply hurt by the slight and would probably never forgive me. One solution is to elope, thereby inviting no one. But my boyfriend's family has been wonderfully supportive and we want them to witness our nuptials.
Part of me thinks: who cares if I hurt my family, they've hurt me horribly by their cruel behavior over the last four years. But I am not without heart and, as I said, they do love me. Just in the wrong way.
Do I invite them and hope they are nice when they show up, or do I not invite any of them, thereby assuring their hurt and consequent complaints for decades?
The Answer
You are in quite the bind and I certainly don't feel like I can offer you a nice clean solution, but here are my thoughts:
If you really feel you cannot elope (which seems like the tidiest solution to me) then you might try to keep the wedding guest lists very very small, say only immediate family: parents, maybe siblings and a few very close friends. All told thirty or forty people. Justify it however you will, the snubbed family members wont feel so snubbed if they understand your desire to keep it small.
Without their whole gang of fiance-haters and outnumbered by people who are genuinely happy for you both, your closest family members might be inspired (with your encouragement) to behave themselves.
If it were my family, I wouldn't choose to not invite them to the wedding. I couldn't take the lifetime of reprisals that would follow. I think it will be as bad for you as it will be bad for you fiance; he is the one who is probably going to be blamed the most if you don't invite them. Also, not inviting them puts you in the position of being the 'bad guy' where as, if you do invite them and they a.) Choose not to attend or b.) Behave badly, you will at least be secure in the knowledge you took the high road and can treat them accordingly.
But please, do not to invite them and just *hope* that they behave. Explain to them they are invited with the expectation that they behave. You have the right to expect that much! I would put it this way "I want my wedding day to be a celebration of our love for each other, if you feel that isn't something you can celebrate you don't need to come. I want this to be a happy day for everyone, don't feel you need to attend if you are going to be miserable about the whole thing."
Congratulations and Good Luck.
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The Question
can anybody please give me excellent advice/tips on how i can quit smoking for once and for all. No patches or nic gum. I've smoked for 5 yrs out of sheer stupidity. I am tire of it. Please help. I rate you 5s
The Answer
I quit cold turkey after smoking for about 2 years. It certainly wasn't pleasant but I didn't find it unbearable. It seems to me though, that quitting smoking is something where you need to find the way that really works for you.
I just replaced cigarettes. I drank chocolate milk and chewed on the straws, sucked on lollypops and licorice constantly. I found all I needed was something to keep my mouth occupied (and a good amount of self-control). Not to say it felt okay, it felt completely awful, but I quit.
I probably went through a thousand lollypops that first month, and still, whenever I craze a cigarette, I drink chocolate milk instead.
It's good advice also to have someone else monitor you and support you. I doubt I would have quit if my friends hadn't been so helpful. Even your friends who smoke can help you by not letting you bum smokes.
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The Question
I'm 18/f. Please don't answer this if you're younger than me... you couldn't possibly have gone through what I am if you're 13... no offense.
I've been in psychoanalysis since I was 10 years old. They THINK I have bipolar disorder, but the psychiatrist told me they can't conclusively know or medicate me until I'm 21-22.
I'm in university right now, and I'm in danger of failing out because of my mental issues... I tried to tell this to the doctor, but she doesn't want to do anything. I'm worried that if I continue at this rate I'm going to fail at university, and at life, and that there won't be a me in 3-4 years to help anymore.
I have suicide hotline numbers, and I have really supportive friends... but everything is so hard, and the doctors are being useless...
Is there anybody here who has been through something similar, and who can offer a few words of advice? I'm dying here, and my exams are coming up.
Thank you for reading this VERY long question.
--Amanda
The Answer
There should be a crisis counselor or some other counselor available to you at University. Believe it or not, this is exactly what the special needs/student services department at your school is for.
I am not bi-polar, and I gave up on medication for my issues a while ago, but I understand completely the performance stress and fear at university. For my first two years at University I refused to speak to my program director or a university counselor. I didn't want special treatment and I was terrified that if I spoke to the university about my problems it would haunt me in the work force for years to come.
When it finally became unbearable last semester I broke down and called the university counseling center for help. The school counselor was completely discreet. Only she and one of my program directors know I have a problem, and even the program director doesn't know the nature of it. But between the two of them, they helped me negotiate extensions and allowances in my classes that cut down my stress and angst an amazing amount. I'm even able to write exams in ways that are more comfortable for me now.
The counselor told me something that really stuck with me. She said asking for help doesn't make you weak it makes you smarter then the fools who fail without a fight.
I know this is stressful too, especially tying to fit it into a student schedule, but see other doctors. My first family doctor was amazingly supportive and I owe her a lot, but when I went away to school I went through three doctors before I found one who actually took me seriously. If you are going to look into medication as a way to deal a dedicated and intelligent family doctor is a must have. My personal opinion, most Physiatrists are jerks, Behavioral Therapists are the ones who actually helped me. Physiatrists kept beating around the bush saying, "Well, we think that maybe you have suchandsuch disorder" and the therapists said "I don't much care about diagnosis, lets try to solve the problems you are facing."
I assume this is your first year too. First year can be hell, especially if you are in a new city or away from home for the first time. Your professors know this, your university knows this and they don't want you to fail. That means they don't get your money for three more years, they want to keep you.
You don't need a diagnosis to ask somebody for the help you need, all you need to do is ask.
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The Question
Hey. I've been a veggietarian for nine months now, and I've changed so much. I am so malnurished and I'm having like a million mental break downs. I've become really sad and angry. I wanted to stop being a veggie but its so hard! I wont eat meat or i'll start like crying...well not really but ill feel really sad and become moody. im also really malnaurished cause im allergic to a lot and cause im kosher. i need advise from a veggie or someone who once was one. thanx to anyone who can help! by the way...incase you wanna like address me in ur note back my names joey f/! thanx!!
xox
The Answer
I was a vegetarian for 7 months when I was 15. Between my allergies (I can't have tomatoes, most beans and most pasta) and my otherwise not so great health, my iron dipped so low I ended up admitted to a hospital.
I saw a nutritionist and he gave me a very strict meal plan I needed to stick to if I wanted to remain a vegetarian.
That's what you need to do, see a doctor and get a referral to a nutritionist immediately. Your doctor can also probably recommend some vitamins and supplements for you to begin taking.
Even if you have trouble eating meat, eating some chicken broth based soups might make you feel a world better.
I'm not a vegetarian anymore. In the end, it wasn't reasonable or economical for me to be. I can't afford the supplements and specialty foods I would need to be a healthy vegetarian. I still don't eat very much meat, but I am careful to get a few servings a week 'cause without I know I will be ill and miserable.
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