A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
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Before you read this, yes im very young and if your going to be mean and negative dont answer this, ok?
16/f. Hey everyone. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now. and we are engaged. Im head over heal's in love with him, as he is with me. He live's with me also. He and I both want a child. And have been trying to get pregnant. Im on the depo birth control shot, but ive only had one, and am due for another one in exactly a month. I seem to not be able to get pregnant though. Its un protected, and he cums in my everytime. Ive had unprotected since i was 14 and have been came in before and ive never been pregnant. What will increase my chances? By the way my parents know im trying. Thanks in advance! (link)
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I...I don't even know what to say.
Being a functional adult in this world requires more than living in your parents house at 16 with the boyfriend you're engaged to. Being a parent absolutely requires being a functional adult.
I know you're not going to listen to me and I don't care. Don't get pregnant. You will be a horrible mother if you do. You need to be able to teach a kid more than just being loved, and even if you're the most caring and compassionate mother ever born you're still going to be setting an example in your own life that it's OK to have kids you have no way to take care of yourself.
You aren't old enough to be able to provide a life for yourself with your fiance. You're not mature or experienced enough to step out into the adult world and handle it well. You will not be able to teach a child by example how to be a competent adult at this point in your life. No 16 year old is, no matter how mature she thinks herself.
I can't even imagine parents that are cool with their 16 year old living with a fiance and trying to have a baby. You're playing "house" at 16. Literally pretending to be a grown up with a husband who's ready for kids.
Except you're not. You're a child living in her parents house who likes sex and thinks babies are cute.
Grow up, get an education, get a real adult life, then have kids. If you don't learn to be an adult yourself your kids won't be able to learn how from you, and in 17 years you'll be a grandma wondering how you're going to pay for the kids your kid just had and realizing that you had a chance to do something smarter with your life, and walked right past it simpering about babies.
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is it illegal to have sex if you are 14 and your mate is 17 in peoria illinois (link)
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Yes. The age of consent in your state is 17 and a person over the age of consent is not allowed to have sex with someone under the age of consent.
The illinois penal code actually has two separate charges, one for having sex when the age difference is over five years and one that specifies "under" with no lower limit.
Both are felonies, and in your state 16 and 17 is illegal.
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hey, before i say anything.....im am NOT a poser...i just neeed guidence. I am the only girl in MY WHOLE GRADE who is desses like me.I honestly HATE labels...but im seemed to be known as the "emo girl". Instead if refusing it and fighting back, i just accepted it, to cause less trouble and other stuff. That sorta made it worse. Everyone started calling me a poser...and i dont copy anyone thou. I am my own person...but i really need help and guidence...so how do you be emo in middle school without looking like a poser.. (btw i need GUIDENCE, not to copy..) (link)
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They call you a poser because it's pretty obvious you try to pride yourself on some sense of individuality and so the easiest way to prick your insecurities is to call you a sheep.
There is no such thing as an original teenager. Everything you've done, thought, wanted, has been done, thought, and wanted by millions upon millions upon millions of teenagers before you. The only thing that changes is the context (time period).
You don't need guidance, you need to learn not to care about what people say about you. If however you dress works for you, let people call you a poser. If you're going to take so much pride in your individuality don't you think you should be just a little more confident in it?
I'm pretty off most of the time. I rub some people the wrong way. I have friends whom I trust who can tell me when I'm out of line, the rest of the time I just do what I do.
When someone's opinion of you has a potential for negative impact on your life, it's something worth thinking about. When people are calling you a poser, it's something worth ignoring.
If you change your look it'll probably just end up going in the "so what are you trying to be now?" direction anyway.
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Please don't answer if you are just going to tell me stupid **** okay? Because quite frankly, I don't care.
Well, I've only been high a handful of times but whenever I do I don't like it at all. When I get high all I want to do is go to sleep so when I wake up the feeling will be gone.. because I don't like it. Now, I wish it didn't affect me like this. I wish I could enjoy it but I can't. I just get really tired. How can I make it more enjoyable? Or is this how it will always affect me?
Should I just stick to drinking? Because when I drink I actually have fun.. (link)
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Ehh.
If you don't like something don't do it. I'm not a fan of alcohol, and hate beer. I'm 6'2 and descended from three cultures for whom alcoholism is a cornerstone. It takes me roughly triple the consumption in the same time period to maintain the same level of intoxication as normal people.
Do you have any idea how expensive it is when you're a whiskey snob who needs a fifth to get reasonably drunk?
Beer is an exercise in futility. I've never found one that I liked enough to be able to drink it fast enough to feel more than disappointed and a little sick.
I'm more than of age, have been for a while. I go out with friends, they get margaritas, I get a coke. It's only a big deal if you make it one, I lived in a college house that was all about drinking for a while, and after about a month people got used to the fact that I wouldn't touch their kegs and no one thought twice about it.
You shouldn't feel like you're required to enjoy something. One of my best friends hates weed. It makes him dizzy and sick to his stomach.
It's really not that big a deal. Personal biochemistry varies from person to person. You might never like weed, you might like it someday. You might be buying shake someone mixed with oregano. God only knows.
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is there an online edition of the TI-84 Silver Edition graphing calculator? from texas instruments?
thanks. :) (link)
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Nope. There are graphing calculators online you can google but they don't have an actual TI online calc or anything that would be similarly easy to use. They make tons of money selling the things to schools, they're not going to put it online for you to use for free.
The ones I found on google were really basic, pretty much just a scientific calculator with a graphing interface. If you need all the features of a TI you're out of luck.
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is the droid incredible..anyone have anything good/bad to say about it? (link)
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I know a few people who own them and they love them as much as everyone I know with an ipod loves their ipod.
It seems like a pretty decent little computer/phone. Hasn't been out long enough for us to know how reliable they are though, when people have had them for a few years we'll get to see if they hold up any better than ipods and such.
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Hi, Im yauna, im a girl and im 15 and my problem is that I dont know if Im straight or bisexual. I cant really talk to anyone I know about because they might judge me or not want to talk to me.I like guys for sure because I have had four boyfriends. The last two relationships didnt go so well. But once in a while i would have these fantasies about being with a girl. I rarely have fantasies about guys but i love them too. But I still have that desire for girls or a girlfriend. So I would like to know am I straight or bisexual? (link)
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Human sexuality can't be reliably defined by three categories.
Many people have differing degrees of attraction to both sexes. Some people are really turned on by both sexes, some people only by one, some people like one sex alot and the other a little.
They've actually got a scale they rate things on, hold on I'll find a link.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale
There you go. The Kinsey scale.
If you're actively fantasizing about girls and feel attracted to them you've probably not strictly straight. There's really no need to form a label for yourself though. You like guys. You're interested in girls. You might be interested enough to date girls at some point, and if you do you'll find out for sure if you like girls too.
At 15, there are far more important things to be worried about. If you meet a girl you like, who likes you back, and you think you want to ask her out, think about moving in that direction. There's no need to hash it out right this second.
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I am a 18 yr old f. Several answers would be appreciated. I have met a guy who I relate to in so many ways. I have never felt so comfortable around any other guy before; it feels as if I have known him for years. He is 35. My heart tells me it is so right, but my head tells me he might be too old. Usually I would think 10 years is a good gap to date someone, but my parents are 15 years apart... What do you think? I am very mature and I would never do anything that I'd think to be a stupid decision. Never drank or did drugs in my life and don't plan to. He has never done this either. Thanks in advance!
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He is one year off of double your age.
You probably can't see it at 18, at 35 it's normally pretty easy for a guy to seem more together than he is, and more mature. You know, as long as he's not like still in his mother's basement or something.
A guy who meshes well with an 18 year old at 35 in a romantic sense has something wrong with him. Some degree of fundamental immaturity which will probably destroy the relationship as you outgrow him.
There are absolute limits to how mature you can be at 18. Seventeen years of life experience and perspective is supposed to make a ton of difference. If he's attracted to you in a serious way that means that those years didn't make the difference they should have. It means there's something wrong with him.
Might take you years to grow up enough to see through it. But unless you also never grow up eventually you'll be entirely incompatible.
When you've grown up a little more you'll probably be in a position to see some of the things that you wouldn't notice about him now.
Every 18 year old thinks they're very mature. Every 18 year old who actively expresses it is really an 18 year old who's never really experienced much of anything of life. As proof of your maturity you started listing things you've never done, and that he's never done.
In 10 years you should be demonstrating your maturity by listing things you've actually accomplished. Because that's what life is about. It sounds like you hooked a guy who's pretty close to the 35 year old virgin and he seems worldly and mature because you're only 18 and using yourself as a basis for comparison, not other 35 year olds who actually have their shit together.
It's nothing against you. At 18 you're not supposed to be as mature as a normal, well adjusted 35 year old.
And don't let your parents relationship fool you. 15 years is alot at any age under 60.
:Edit:
Also, because I'm a guy and I remember being in the teenaged dating range, he could just be a little creepy and really into dating girls who fit in the "barely legal" category and be lying to you about everything.
I've known creepy guys like that. I'd guess you've got a roughly 1 in 10 chance that he's a creepy douchebag. Keep an eye out, just because he seems awesome and you get along doesn't mean it's time to let your guard down. If sex comes up anytime soon, take note of that fact, because if he's not incredibly immature and falling in love with you, there's really only one other thing he could be after.
I'm sure you'd say he's absolutely not and he's wonderful and you trust him and he'd never do anything like that. I'm sure pretty much every other 18 year old who's been unknowingly used by a pervy guy in his mid 30s would have said the same thing.
Paying attention and approaching the situation with just the slightest hint of paranoia can't hurt, can it?
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18 f. ive recently started smoking weed because my friend who lives with me does it all the time. ive done it a few times and i took a few hits last night. today i woke up and inside my chest hurts so bad, like its hard to take deep breaths. is this normal? (link)
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I'd say no, it doesn't sound normal. Especially not the day after.
I mean, if you inhale smoke of any kind in a large amount it can irritate the lungs, and probably make you cough. If you cough enough it's going to hurt like hell. But being fine until you wake up the next day and specifically having trouble taking deep breaths...
I have no idea how you'd find out, but I know someone who's allergic to hemp. Not even the THC crystals on the leaves, but something in the leaves themselves makes his system go nuts. Someone made him a hemp necklace and he found out he was allergic when his neck broke out in hives.
He described something pretty similar to what you just said when he tried smoking.
If you continue, and this continues, you probably don't want to continue. Nothing about that sounds like normal "first time smoker" results, or like something that would be normal after "a few hits".
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Do you think love is real? Because i think it is made up and never really lasts it is just a momentary illusion.... (link)
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Love is real. It's just not what inexperienced teenagers who watch romantic comedies and worship Twilight think it is.
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I really want my high school to finally have a girls soccer team, cause I don't want to have to play with the guys. I just moved here last year from a school in NJ where girls soccer was huge. Here in Texas.. or at least in my school, people laugh at the idea of it. I don't understand. But anyways theres me and 3 other girls who already signed up for the team but there's no way that out of school just short of 500 people we can't form a girls team with less than 20 people!
1. How do I motivate girls to join girls soccer? Should I try posters, announcements, etc? What types of things would encourage them to join? I just love soccer and can't really explain why.... but what could appeal to others?
2. How do I convince the soccer coach to push for a girls team? cause they guy is old and seems to have given up on finding a girls coach. he says the coach needs to be already in the school district.. is this true??? why is he saying this? would it be a good idea to put some ads online for soccer coaches and put his email or maybe the school principal's email so they can contact them with their soccer credentials? (link)
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I'd start by talking to the school administration. School size is actually going to be a big problem for you, not just because you have relatively few people to form a team, but because fewer students means less funding, and it's entirely possible your school can't afford to support a girls soccer team. That's just logistics, but it's something you need to ask about.
I went to a huge Texas high school, and we had girls soccer and boys soccer, but we also had over 3500 students and the funding that it takes to support a school big enough for 3500 students.
Finding out if it's in any way possible is the first step, and organizing enough people to have a soccer team is the second.
Go talk to an AP/the principal. Ask them if there's any way to start this and what you can do. They'll also be able to tell you what kind of advertising is permissible for it (posters and such are a good idea)
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Right, so I love wearing girls clothes but I am not gay I like girls and I have a girl friend but most of the time I feel that I want to be a girl am I just a cross dresser or something else, Thanks :) (link)
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You are the only person who can figure out the answer to this question for yourself.
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Alright, so my boyfriend and I of 11 months we were having phone sex, and apparently I was getting to loud at it and my father..which was next door he called attention to my mom, and after I got off the phone, she started yelling at me over it, and asking why I changed my underwear, and I was utterly embarrassed, so when mu bf called back he felt bad, and he said it was his fault and he would tell her we weren't doing anything, so he did..but than afterwords my mom kept bitching saying " I know thats not the truth" and she says I best tell the truth, it will make things better so I decided to tell her the truth. Now its the next day and she won't stop saying " I'm disappointed in you." " Thats so slutty to do." All those things. Also we were planning , sense my boy friend doesn't have such a great home life, his grand mother is all he has and she leaves him for months with no moeny and sense my boyfriend is a senior after this year he was going to move in. Now she says not until shes trusts us again. Now I don't know what to do now? All this is my fault according to her, my boyfriend and I were just expressing are feelings for each other, we don't have sex..we feel it wasn't anything bad. What is it that you guys think? Now I feel horrible, and embarrassed. :/ (link)
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Honestly, I'd tell your mother to shut up about it and be thankful you're talking about sex instead of having it.
I mean, we've got daily questions from girls 13-15 who got pregnant, and you're here asking about phone sex. On the scale of 1-10 of how much you could destroy your life with the things you're doing, you rate a one only because your parents react badly to it.
Be polite, but express that you don't want to hear how disappointed she is because it's not her business when you're not doing anything that could harm your life and that her disgust just proves she's having a really hard time seeing you as someone who's trying to grow into an adult instead of just a kid who needs to be protected from the world.
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Is it a good idea to pursue a high school relationship during senior year? I can't predict the future of this relationship, whether or not it will last, but in all likelihood we will be separated by college. I'm going on to college and the girl is still going to be in high school. Is it worth it? (link)
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It is not worth it to enter college with a high school girlfriend.
Your relationship will suck, you'll meet people you want to date who live a mile or less away and are a part of your new college life in ways your high school girlfriend will not be.
I think that so long as you're both realistic, it's whatever. I dated a girl second semester senior year. We liked each other, wanted to try it out, both agreed that when I went to Austin, TX and she went to New York for school that it was over and parted amicably. Haven't talked to her since, but it was fun while it lasted.
Depends on you and her, and what you're alright with.
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20 female.
I'm just asking for people's different stories about having sex with their best friends. Was it awkward, was it fun, was it the best sex you've had, was it the worst, did it make you two closer or did it make your friendship awkward? Any insight you can give me :) (link)
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If there's more than just mutual desire to have sex, a relationship will probably ensue. If there is not, it will probably be awkward as hell. Not recommended unless you want to be more than best friends. Sex complicates everything.
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I am a junior in high school and a friend I have known since 1st grade has taken his life Monday night. Everyone believes it is due to bullying. Yet, my school is not doing any thing about it. Nothing. That makes me so incredibly mad. That just makes it look like it's okay for people to be bullied and have someone take their life. These past few days have been hard and the situation at school with no actions being taken is making it an incredible amount more hard. I can't get the picture of his helpless body hanging there in his closet.. I want to do something for him. I want to do a candle light service or make a memorial somewhere so the people that bullied him can actually admit that they messed up and that this boy was loved. He has put a smile on my face numerous times through out my 11 years of school with him and right now I just want to put a smile on his face in Heaven. How do I go about doing this? Do I have to go through my school to have a candlelit service? Do I need a permit to build a memorial for him? I know I am going to need a lot of people to help and I'm sure I can find quite a few people whose lives he blessed. Just help me out with what I can do for him. Thank you so much. (link)
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I came to post something kind of like SolidAdvice4Teens.
Go to his family. Talk with them. Tell them what you're feeling and ask them if it's ok with them for you to go to the media.
If this becomes national news (it's entirely possible) or even any kind of local fuss there's a good chance that the family will come under media attention, which can be invasive. Ask them if they're willing to or want to submit themselves to that. They might want to, to raise awareness (thats a good thing) or they might want to keep their grief quiet.
You should respect their wishes either way, but just talking to his family and letting them know that you knew their kid and wish you could have done something for him, will help them. Knowing their son was loved outside their home and giving them your perspective adds another layer of memories they can keep of their son/nephew/cousin/sibling/etc.
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Ok i was thinking and i took my one knife and took it into the bathroom and i tryed as hard as i could to get close to bleeding i knew i wasnt and now my hand feels like its on fire and one mark is still there what schould i do????? (link)
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First, I agree with every word of Peeps post.
Second, I'm not a doctor and so all I can tell you is go to your parents. If you have to lie and say it was an accident and you were making food or something, do so for now to just make sure you're OK. You NEED to talk to someone adult about it who can get you medical care if you need it.
Third. Cutting is an activity designed to take your mind off your issues by introducing other issues. It's whats called a negative outlet. Think about what might be a positive outlet.
I'm a gamer and a reader. Always have been, always will be. Gaming lets me relax, and focus for a period of time on something that makes me happy. Reading is the same, I can sink into a world not mine and pretend my issues don't exist for a few hours until I'm calm and stable enough to deal with them. Everyone has coping mechanisms. Cutting is a very bad one, but there are plenty out there. You just need something that'll take your mind off what's going on enough to let it drop for a little while.
Find something that introduces more happy into your life instead of replacing sad with different sad.
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I am a fourteen-year-old freshman female.
So, the thing is that I'm random. I'm thinking that because of that, boys choose to avoid being in a relatioship with me.
For an example of my randomness: I will be the kind of girl who skips down the hallway singing, "If You're Happy and You Know It". I would say, "The stick people are here to conqure the world and kill us all!" randomly in class.
As for the boys, I do believe that they flirt with me a lot because, for example: They insult me in a playful manner, try to take stuff of mine, etc. However, they NEVER go any farther than that. Most of the time they go out with one of my friends or other classmates.
Now, I generally can't help the randomness for the sake of my santiy, and I've tried to calm myself down, but it generally doesn't happen. So we know that me changeing for a boy is out of the question.
So, forgive me for making the question seem so long, what exactly is going on? How could I fix it? Will it be like this for a while?
I would greatly appreciate it if you give detailed (As detailed as possible) advice.
Thanks! (link)
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Aww. This is adorable.
You intimidate them. Few fourteen year olds have the self esteem or self certainty to act as ridiculous as you do and be fine with it. The fact that you're goofy means they aren't actively afraid of you, but when a person who's insecure is faced with a person who really doesn't seem insecure at all, it's scary. I sure wasn't the kind of kid who called attention to myself like you do at 14, and the fact that you're not doing it to be an attention whore makes it all the more disconcerting. They don't really get why you act the way you do because they don't have the same amount of self confidence which would allow them to act the same way without feeling embarrassed by it.
Hence, the lack of asking out.
Be a little aggressive. If you think a guy is cute, tell him he's cute. If you'd like to go out to a movie, tell him you'd like to go out to a movie.
You don't really need to change. You need to realize that guys in your dating range at 14 are on average likely to be behind you in self confidence as you are now. Your friends make boys feel like men by being insecure just like they are. If everyone's nervous it's actually pretty comforting, and if they don't feel like they make you anywhere near as nervous as you make them, knowing that will make them even more nervous.
Flirt more. Tell boys what you want, not just what you think. If you like a guy straight up tell him. After the shock wears off usually logic kicks in and they respond to "A girl likes me, I should do something about it!"
:Edit:
Rahzie I swear to God I hit answer without looking at other replies first. It's kinda creepy how much we sound alike sometimes, you know?
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I'm 13 and I want my bellybutton pierced. I talked to my mom and she said it was illegal and that you have to be 18. I don't want to wait until I'm 18. My bf thinks it would be really sexy if I got it done and I want to get it pierced now. I told my mom to lie for me and that I promise I'll take care of it. she wont listen! What do I do? Can I pierce it at home myself or something? (link)
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God. No. Please no. Piercing, as much as it seems simple, is something that you should only have an experienced professional do. If not done right you could seriously endanger your life, and at 13 you're more than young enough to have that thought "Oh God they're going to be so pissed, I should try to hide this" and give yourself health problems.
Your boyfriend at 13 is not a good reason to punch holes in your body. Wanting to be more attractive to others is not a good reason to punch holes in your body. I know a bunch of tatoo artists and alot of them do piercings. They all agree, the dumbest thing you can ever do is get something done to your body for someone else.
Piercings and other body art are meant to express something about you, something that matters enough to you to wear it on the outside for everyone to see.
Getting a piercing for your boyfriend because he thinks it's sexy says to the world that you don't really feel like you're sexy enough as it is and you are basically selling yourself out so you can feel attractive. This is the kind of thing we expect from 13 year olds because teenage-hood is when the ego develops and you're not supposed to have the self esteem to make this decision intelligently.
That, in turn, is why legally you are required and any respectable shop you'd actually want to go to require you to be 18.
You know, getting breast implants carries a pretty significant stigma. If you get your ladies done, most respectable guys immediately recognize someone who didn't love her body enough to keep it the way it was.
While piercings are, in many ways, far more acceptable, your reasons for getting one at present are the same reason women get breast implants. And while it won't be immediately apparent, decent intelligent guys will quickly pick up on the kind of insecurity that motivated the decision in the first place and that insecurity is going to be just as unattractive.
Whatever you think of yourself, it's not your job to compromise yourself for other people. Not when we're talking about someone you date. The point of a relationship is somewhere you can be yourself. You're here asking about being what he wants you to be. Maybe that's a sign that you're really not old enough to be dating, because the bare minimum for a decent relationship is enough life experience to respect yourself and make decisions based on something other than "people will think I look hotter".
It's not really that you look any better, by the way. At your age it's just about the deviancy. "If she did this for me imagine what else she does when you're not around" kinda thing. Sorry, boys who date 13 year olds are dumb and immature no matter what age they are. It's the same thing as with girls who love bad boys.
At 13 you really should have bigger life priorities than being some stupid teenagers bad girl.
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My girlfriend and me have been doing it for a few weeks. I notice she is really scared of me finishing in her. It's weird because she says not to at least 2 or 3 times every time. I really kind of want to do it anyway but I think she'd just freak out all over the place over it. What should I do about this? How risky is it anyway? She seems to think she could get pregnant instantly and I keep telling her that one time isn't going to knock her up. (link)
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Ahaha you young idiot.
"One time isn't going to knock her up" are the famous last words of alot of teenagers just as dumb as you are.
Get her on birth control if at all possible and use condoms and spermicide in the mean time. Yes, one time absolutely could get her pregnant. Women are fertile roughly two to two and a half weeks out of the month with absolutely normal cycling, and few women have absolutely normal cycling (which can mean getting pregnant during periods, early ovulation, etc etc).
Don't be so fucking stupid. Betting your futures on an off chance is retarded. Yeah, it's probably less than say a 50% chance. I guarantee you there is one other teenager in your state who will have unprotected sex the same day you will. You really want to bet that you won't be the one who's life goes to shit?
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