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I Can NOT Get a Boyfriend!
I am a fourteen-year-old freshman female.
So, the thing is that I'm random. I'm thinking that because of that, boys choose to avoid being in a relatioship with me.
For an example of my randomness: I will be the kind of girl who skips down the hallway singing, "If You're Happy and You Know It". I would say, "The stick people are here to conqure the world and kill us all!" randomly in class.
As for the boys, I do believe that they flirt with me a lot because, for example: They insult me in a playful manner, try to take stuff of mine, etc. However, they NEVER go any farther than that. Most of the time they go out with one of my friends or other classmates.
Now, I generally can't help the randomness for the sake of my santiy, and I've tried to calm myself down, but it generally doesn't happen. So we know that me changeing for a boy is out of the question.
So, forgive me for making the question seem so long, what exactly is going on? How could I fix it? Will it be like this for a while?
I would greatly appreciate it if you give detailed (As detailed as possible) advice.
Thanks!
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Aww. This is adorable.
You intimidate them. Few fourteen year olds have the self esteem or self certainty to act as ridiculous as you do and be fine with it. The fact that you're goofy means they aren't actively afraid of you, but when a person who's insecure is faced with a person who really doesn't seem insecure at all, it's scary. I sure wasn't the kind of kid who called attention to myself like you do at 14, and the fact that you're not doing it to be an attention whore makes it all the more disconcerting. They don't really get why you act the way you do because they don't have the same amount of self confidence which would allow them to act the same way without feeling embarrassed by it.
Hence, the lack of asking out.
Be a little aggressive. If you think a guy is cute, tell him he's cute. If you'd like to go out to a movie, tell him you'd like to go out to a movie.
You don't really need to change. You need to realize that guys in your dating range at 14 are on average likely to be behind you in self confidence as you are now. Your friends make boys feel like men by being insecure just like they are. If everyone's nervous it's actually pretty comforting, and if they don't feel like they make you anywhere near as nervous as you make them, knowing that will make them even more nervous.
Flirt more. Tell boys what you want, not just what you think. If you like a guy straight up tell him. After the shock wears off usually logic kicks in and they respond to "A girl likes me, I should do something about it!"
:Edit:
Rahzie I swear to God I hit answer without looking at other replies first. It's kinda creepy how much we sound alike sometimes, you know?
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It might go on for a while, but then again your fourteen. You have your whole life ahead of you. You'll get a boyfriend, just be patient. Anyway at you age having a boyfriend is never really that serious, and almost always never lasts, so don't stress. You not missing out on much.
And as for you random personality I wouldn't worry about that either. Don't try to change for anyone, you'll find someone who like you, for you. My brother for example will only go out with girls that are random. He loves the crazy ones :P He says they are way more interesting and fun. There's someone out there for everyone, and that means you too :)
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Two things are going to happen in the next few years.
The first one is that the boys around you will gain a bit of confidence. You need to recognize that it's not only the 'random' that puts them off you - it's the strength and self ownership it takes to be that way. It takes a lot of confidence, and a lot of strength to simply enjoy your whims.
Obviously boys enjoy your company, but very few will have the nerve to take it further than that. You are not approachable for an insecure, inexperienced teenage boy. Random and flighty will often appear self-involved and frightening. They are still learning how to approach girls for ‘something more’ and you are a high stress, high risk approach.
At the same time as they are learning to approach different kinds of girls, YOU will learn how to give them the space and permission to approach you, and how to approach them yourself. You will find ways to make space for someone else, to welcome them and not let your random act as a barrier or a fence to keep them out. You will learn how to not appear, and not be, self-involved. You have to remember the downside of the self-confidence to what you please and embrace your impulses, is being self-involved enough to do what you please and embrace your impulses.
You probably haven’t found the balance between those two elements yet. I don’t think I really learned how to walk that line until I was in my twenties.
The second thing is that you will probably mellow out a bit. Not calm down, just that the edges of your random will get softer as you get more experience and more information about the world. People stopped calling me ‘random’ by the time I graduated high school. At 14 I was 'random' and 'crazy', but at 17 I was ‘clever’ and 'artsy'. It's really important not to dig your heels in and cry "I'm never gonna change!". You are going to change a lot in the next few years. That is the awesome thing about being a teen. You get to learn, and grow and change your mind faster and in ways adults just aren't as free too. Certainly don't force yourself to change for a boy, but stay open to changing and learning how to relate to different people and different situations in ways that work best for everyone.
Really, at fourteen years old you’ve only had about a year, maybe two, were it wasn’t totally insane to try to date. You’ve got a lot more years, and a lot more people, ahead of you. The best thing you can do is not pretend that what you’ve experienced in the last 8 months is going to be same pattern for the next 8 years. It’s really doesn’t work like that.
EDIT
Hey Witty - let's call it charming, or great-minds-think-alike instead. ;) But yeah, it's a wild sometimes how we hit all the same points.
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