Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
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I'm a 13 year old girl and I moved recently because of my dad's job, that's when my social anxiety really started setting in. I've always been known as the "quiet" girl at school, but that's just because I prefer to think rather than yell everything that comes to mind. I was quiet but I could have a loud, strong voice when doing presentations and things and I loved attention a lot of the time. But ever since I moved seven months ago I can't even talk to people outside of my tiny group of friends. Today, I had to present my art project in front if the class and I vowed that I would force myself to talk but everything just left my mind as I stood up there mumbling to my feet. I also had a nervous breakdown when a cashier made small talk with me at the grocery store. I'm very self-conscious because I'm a little overweight and always feel like people are staring at me, so that's not helping the problem any. My mom is well aware of my issue so is there any doctor/therapist type person who specializes in these types of situations that I could ask her to take me to? Is there any way that I can help myself? Thanks in advance! (link)
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I'm tending to think that the move has made you 'draw in' and shrink your 'comfort zone'. It's quite a natural, and in some ways inevitable consequence. You were indeed 'more comfortable' in the previous environment and had many known points of reference. In short, you knew who you were and exactly where you fitted into it. And now you are not so sure of yourself and your surroundings? All those cliches about 'settling in' and 'finding your feet' and so on have a firm basis in human behavioural patterns. I'm sure you WILL find your feet (as they say) before long. For now, try putting on as confident a 'front' as you can. Celebrate every little or not so little personal victory and achievement (every time you overcome shyness and awkardness). Bit by bit you will make the new environment 'your own'. You'll face things like this all your life. A new relationship. Your own house. Moving house. A new job. A promotion with added responsibilities. And so on. At first it's daunting, you are not sure of yourself and you feel you can't cope with it. But you WILL cope with it. I promise. X
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Okay I'm not sure if I want to call this a dream more as a nightmare. Tonight is the second time I've had this "dream" and it mostly happens when I'm taking a nap. I don't know if it's that I don't get enough sleep or if I get TOO much sleep.In both of the dreams I'm in the house and there's just this eerie feeling about the house like there's someone outside watching. In the dream I call the police they come and don't see anything. I always end up in my grandma's bedto see if I can sleep but me being the scary cat I am I always think I hear or see something IN the house. Well in this particular dream I so happen to go outside (well open the door and look outside it's pitch black by the way) but before I do I wake a my cousin (who hasn't lived with us in years) to see. Whenwe look outside tthere's a mop bucket in my view which confuses me then I look to the left behind the door and I see the mop... but it's kind of floating in the air so that's when it "clicked" in my mind that this is not "man". So I look back to my right and there she is. I have no idea who or what she is but if I had to give you a guys a visual it's the lady from that one car "commercial" where it looks like a car just driving on the road and out of nowhere the exorcist looking lady pops in the screen. Well when I see her she's climbing the tree and I immediately start praying and singing Gospel songs trying to (cast?) her away. Then it pops up in my mind that my grandma probably knows more that will help so after going to get her and we start praying and singing together it turns from dark to very bright outside and out of nowhere there's a "suction" coming from my left pulling and she's being sucked in it's direction and it seems like in both dreams before she gets sucked away she pops in my face within seconds and she's like inches from my face and she's making me stare into her dark black eyes but inside her eyes are orange squares (which resemble a PlayStation controller button) but it really has me on edge and wondering maybe I'm not praying enough and when I'm trying to pray I'm at a lost for what I'm praying for. 😞
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Hi there. I'm afraid there is not a universal 'language' of dreams which can decode the symbols for everyone. The events and objects are always personal, quite simply they have some significance and representative value to YOU and perhaps nobody else. There are some general and repeated motifs. Clearly the feeling of being watched combined with a belief that only you can see the threat (which is ignored by authority figures like the police) shows a touch of what is called paranoia. But don't worry too much, we all have feelings of mild paranoia at times in our lives. Perhaps when we find we are querying something everyone else seems to take for granted, for instance? Trees often represent life, and hope and permanence or long life. Climbing things (trees, mountains or tall buildings?) can represent a desire for greater knowledge (literally, being able to see more or further than we feel we normally can). Darkness represents fear of the unknown normally (bit of a no-brainer this one, eh?). It is very unlikely that anyone with no religious conviction would find their mind latches on to prayer or gospel songs as a support or inspiration, but perfectly feasible if you HAVE strong religious beliefs. You're on your own with the floating mop bucket...clearly has SOME meaning to YOU alone!! Family members pop up very regularly in dreams. So do figures and scenaria from the world of media. (TV commercials are one of the 'usual suspects' as they are often loaded with intense and quick visual 'hooks'. And commercials are repeated over and over again, unchanging. The classic way to worm an idea into our minds...it's what they are meant to do!). It is not a huge assumption to expect that the suction force represents a conflict, something is strongly compelling you in a certain direction but you are far from sure if it is the direction you WANT to be pulled in? Swift changes from dark to light (night to day) are often symptomatic of swings of mood and hope (light obviously representing knowledge and hope and optimism, dark standing for lack of enough information and uncertainty and fear). Familiar objects often appear, and a phenomonon known as 'simulacra' features. Which is seeing things is everyday objects...the most ready examples being cloud shapes and that odd tendency of seeing faces in figures in the trunks of trees. Again, it is nothing to worry about, we all do it. Do the PlayStation controller buttons ever remind you of eyes? Hope you might find a little light in this very brief outline and overview of dream symbols? Main thing to remember is that the dream is not any kind of message, prophecy or guide from the spirit world on what to do. But you might be able to fit some of the 'real world' things you are feeling right now into this framework of imagery and ideas. Maybe see how your subconscious sleeping mind could used some of these motifs to represent the feelings as it tries to 'processes' them? That is ALL dreams ever are.
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I've just recently started lucid dreaming again after five years. I'm a sophomore in high school now and the last time I had lucid dreams was fifth grade, BUT they stopped after I told someone about them. I want to talk about it with family and friends but I'm afraid that if I do, that I'll stop. Does anyone have any ideas on this? Thank you in advance for your responses! (Im kind of afraid that making this post will make them stop /: ) (link)
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I believe I can see what you are saying. There is nothing like tension and unresolved issues, facing decisions and 'thinking too much' (anyting with a strong element of what we'll call 'conflict anxiety') to cause our subconscious minds to motor on after sleep. And create some very vivid dreamscapes in the process. The dreams may well not, on the face of it bear a direct resemblance to the coonflicts and issues themselves. That's very much the scrambled and 'coded' nature of them. Now, if in discussing the dreams it relieves some anxiety, defuses a little of the conflict then it will usually cause us to return to a the more usual pattern where dream activity is much less vivid and simply not recalled on waking. In effect, you'll 'sleep more easily' again. A bit of a catch 22 situation? We cannot either make ourselves dream or not dream or control the content and events like a movie director. And if certain issues are giving fertile ground for vivid dream activity then resolving the real life situations will usually make the dream activity reduce. Talking things through, getting issues and worries out into the light. Sharing them. Meeting them head on. These are communication. THE cornerstone of counselling, and have been shown over and over again to be powerful and effective therapy. Of course, vivid/lucid dreaming is in itself significant of nothing. Real issues can CAUSE us to dream more vibrantly but the dream itself is no kind of message, no prophecy or guidance and will not resolve anything. So if you want to enjoy them it might be an idea NOT to discuss them, or their content for fear of easing whatever tension might be causing them and thus, make them stop. If they're disturbing you then a good out in the open chat about the dreams, and anything that's on your (daytime, conscious) mind should help a little.
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Last week to work I wore a shirt with a native chief on it and my friend got pissed off saying it's cultural appropriation. My reply was that I am part native, a whole side of my family is native, I happen to be a 1/4 with a status card. I also have many handmade native ceramic pieces around my house. Now my question is, is this considered to be cultural appropriation? I'm part native, I didn't wear a headdress or a symbol/clothing item that you have to earn, I just loved the shirt and love my native side. (link)
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You're in a cultural, moral and ethical 'watertight' situation wearing it I'd say. Since you haven't appropraited anything that is not you own anyway. I don't honestly think that if someone without your heritage wanted to wear something similar to show support of solidairty it would justify such a comment either. Many countries have persecuted their own first-nation people. many have been changed significantly by invasion and occupation. We now know it was inappropriate and wrong now. But at the time we saw a more limited vista and had narrower minds. Keep doing what you're doing. And be a big enough person to make your values INCLUSIVE of others. You're friend is showing an EXCLUSIVE mindset. This sort of mindset causes problems and never solves a thing.
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My friend is gorgeous, she looks just like Kate Winslet when she was young. But you'd never know it from her facebook photos and selfies! From just about every angle, her face appears doughy and gross with flat hair. Her delicate features just don't seem to register through a camera. (link)
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If a camera lens is up close to a face then parts of the face (chin, nose) are much closer than the eyes, ears etc. So the face appears out of proportion and thus distorted. Watch a pro at work and when doing portraits he/she will ALWAYS be a long way back from the model. The differences is 'closeness to the lens' of features are relatively much smaller. Insignificant in fact. The classic portrait lens has a focal length of 85mm. This is why studios are spacious and there is a lot of distance between the sitter and the shooter. This short lens close-up distortion messes up all proportions. Take a low shot of someone sitting facing you with a short focal length lens...they'll seem to have massive knees and big lower legs (calf) and thighs! Sparkly hair, with lots of depth and detail and highlights and shadows is impossible to get with on-camera flash or natural ight indoors at all. You might get it outdoors when the sun is just right. Sun in the wrong place or cloudy, you won't get it. In pro studio shots of models it is done by other means. The lighting set-up will have far more than one flashgun. And one will be positined to fire a tight-ish 'beam' of flashlight JUST at the top of the model's head, from slightly above. This flashgun is called the 'hair light' in studio slang, not surprisingly. (Put a hairlight slightly behind and above the models head and a blonde wil get a sparkly 'halo' almost, beloved of glamour shooters if it isn't over-cooked). Cameras do not 'lie' but photographers exploit over a hundred years of experience and trial and error to get results which please the model and look good to other people by manipulating optical laws and lighting. And no branch of photography has more 'tricks' than glamour/portraiture. One way to get a better proportioned (not distorted) head and shoulders portrait with the 'wrong' (too short) lens is to get a friend to stand well back and shoot a full body length picture of you. Then crop off the rest of the body and use just the 'top half' of the frame to post on facebook as your 'selfie'. It won't be technically a selfie at all, unless you have 8 foot long arms, but only you know that!
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21/f
I've been having paranoia, anxiety, and trust issues about someone that I am dating. I don't want to feel paranoid or insecure about whether or not if they're seeing someone else, that they're lying to me, or because they're hiding something from me. It's not a good feeling.
I've been going to a counselor and I still haven't gotten to an answer. I don't know if it's because of my past experiences; I have constantly been hurt and disappointed by people. I was lied to, cheated on, etc. Maybe it's a possibility that I'm expecting the worst out of people and I'm trying to protect myself by expecting the worse in the least healthiest way possible? Or is it my gut instinct that's telling me that there's something wrong?
Have you ever heard of that quote, "our mind hast he ability to detect and sense danger. If you feel as if something's wrong...Never ignore that feeling."
I keep that in mind but then I've been trying to figure out what may have been the issue. Has he lied to me? Not that I'm aware of. He's told me he hasn't lied to me. He told me that his schedule is pretty predictable. He's been trying to open up to me more because I didn't like the feeling that he was hiding something from me. What could it possibly be, then? Why am I feeling this way? (link)
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I do not know that our minds can predict danger. More acknowledge dangerous situations based on knowledge our data we have gained from experiencing or being told of similar situations. The mind is certainly extremely adept at reacting almost instantaneously to a danger or threat WHEN it occurs and issuing correct signals to protect ourselves as best we can. Threat response is rather a big area to discuss here. And it can certainly be triggered by a PERCEIVED threat when that occurs too...and the response is similar or identical to an ACTUAL threat. Since you say you do have anxiety and trust issues you have possibly answered your own question already? Past negative experiences will be playing a big role here of course (just as good and positive experiences edify us and give us confidence, negative/bad experiences will knock us down and lower our confidence and expectations). I think the key here is to to do everything you can to avoid getting into what we might call 'victim mentality'. By expecting to be lied and cheated to we interact differently with other people than we would otherwise. In a real sense we 'look and act like a victim' to other people and the worst part is that this strongly attracts re-victimisation. Sounds like your boyfriend has been pretty up-front. Try to accept this. He is NOT the 'other guys' you might be subcosciously 'expecting'. Try not to back him into corners in attempts to secure constant reassurance. Doing this will be tough on him, and may provoke a negative reation. A concept I strongly believe is the 'sefl-fulfilling propehcy'. There's no sooth-saying or spiritual fortune-telling in it, actually. It comes down to this victim mentality idea. Look and act like a victim and you are more than half-way to becoming one. Confidence sweetheart. In yourself. In him. X
ps..The 'repeat-victimisation' and victim appearnce is not supernatural either. Quite simply, in this mind-set we keep subconsciously (and even consciously) 'pushing' every situation, and the people around us, testing them out if you like. Thinking 'You'll hurt me eventually'. Because this is what we are conditioned to expect. And eventually...you'll get it!
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How long does it take to kno if u have clymadia and what are the symptoms
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This one really needs a test to be certain. Don't assume that no symptoms mean no infection and let it ride. It's not incurable. But it is in your best interests to get it sorted quickly. Many people have it for a long time, undiagnosed and thus untreated. Don't be one of those people. Arrange a test. STI's are just like any other infection to a medical professional and you should think likewise. Get a check, if you've got it...get it sorted in other words.
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I was thinking of majoring in PC repair tech and would like to know more about it. How did you find jobs, how was your job, salary and wages, work environment, and anything else you think I should know. Also, are there any woman in this field?
I looked some of the info up online but would rather hear from someone with personal experience.
P.S. please, no ranting about how you hate your job. (link)
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Where I live (UK) an awful lot of this work is on a self-employed basis. One begins by offering repair and perhaps modification/upgrade services, privately via small ads, business cards, flyers in any shops that will agree and so on. A 'no fix-no fee' policy is a good hook, and will quickly polish your skills and the speed you can diagnose and fix faults. There's the option (if all goes well) of moving onto bespoke systems where you take a customers brief/spec and build a system tailored to there needs. (an interent and coms pc, something fast and furious for hardcore gamers, a number of cost effective systems for a small business etc). Possibly then a lease on a small shop? Or set up as a consultant and aim for the business environment. Or perhaps do it for a while and get yourself a cv that speaks for itself and will impress the big established tech companies looking for proven experience? I don't honestly think many will care if their consultant/technician is male or female, only how good they are at what they do. Hope this is a help.
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It's seriously ridiculous. It's a child's play thing! Little girls receiving them don't give a shit about body type, they just see it as a fun, bright colored doll! When I was young I was obsessed with barbies, every time my mom took me to a store with a Barbie, I'd be arguing with her and wouldn't leave without one. I still love playing with them. When I was 7, my mom took me to New York City, and we went into this huge you store and I made my own and ran a barbie fashion show, and I'm not subconscious about my body. And for people who are it's not your childhood doll's fault. It could be peer pressure, you might be obese and insecure about it, or in extreme cases anorexic. Barbie dolls can't put you down or tell you what's perfect (they never did it in the movies and their personality is a good role model for girls), and they certainly can't make you insecure, they're freaking objects, not conscious humans! And there is a model who transformed herself into a Barbie. I personally think it looks a little creepy and fake, but if she thinks it's pretty, that's her decision, not yours. And she works hard for it. And I met her in real life and she is really spirited and nice so you shouldn't judge someone unless you've met them. Like I thought Terissa from house wives was a bitch, but my mom dragged me to some wine store so she could get her cook book signed, and she was nice! Same with big ang (I've met a lot of famous people). (link)
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I absolutely agree with you on many points here. And surely highlighting and drawing attention to the idea that 'Barbie is harmful because she makes you believe you have to have looks and a figure somewhat similar to be happy, successful and loved' is putting the thought into heads it almost certainly never occur to? Children! If you play with Barbie, and you don't end up looking like her you'll have an eating disorder when you're older. Surely the early teen years have enough pressures without finding a few more they didn't know they had and piling them on! We hear a lot know about children being commercialised and brand-conscious, and sexualised (meaning being aware of sexual motives and attitudes here, NOT molested) at too early an age. Is there not a danger that imposing these adult values of political correctness on them is making the situation worse rather than better? To me Barbie was possibly aspirational (good role model, as you say) at most. And many just played with Barbie (and similar dolls based on the idea of being a successful fashion model) because it was fun. I do not think it made girls feel inadequate if they failed to become 'real life Barbies' (of which there are none, of course) or belittled women and reduced them to mere sex objects who would be judged purely on how they look. Let's say it played out a fantasy in a controlled and harmless way, and as you point out the producers and directors were careful NOT to portray Barbie badly in movies. Only thing you might watch is when you say you were surprised the actress who played Terissa is not like her bitchy on-screen character in real life. That's because she's an actress, and the character is NOT her, or even real. I'm sure you realise that when you give it a bit of thought. Like your comments and opinions in general though. Being a big Barbie fan obviosuly didn't harm you psychologically or emotionally. Have a good one! X
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I am 18 years old. The conflict that is going on right now is my boyfriend's friends staying in the way of our relationship. Him and his friend just started talking again and now he always wants to smoke or drink with him. Every time he's with him he doesn't answer his phone or text me back. I try talking to him about it all the time and he says next time he won't do it but he still does. I recently started college and he was supposed to start with me but he had some financial aid problems and promised he would enroll in the spring. He currently doesn't have a job right now and I just don't know where he's going in his life. We planned our life ahead .we love each other so much we even talk about getting married, but he's Constantly with his friend he doesn't have a job and I'm in college and look for job now. Are we had just two different points in our lives that maybe right now is not a good time ?and if so how can I just get over him so easily if we've been together for year and four months already and we love each other? (link)
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Seems to me the conflict here is chiefly one of expectation. There is clearly a significant difference between what you think 'a relationship' should be and what you are actually getting? Of course, a relationship is not a commodity and we cannot simply asses it based on whether it does or does not 'do what it says on the box'. For a start, there is no box. And the only instructions are usually 'some assembly required'! I think the first thing to establish is to find out whether he is actually aware of there being a problem. It may not be that he is deliberately neglecting you in favour of his friend. He might think that his division of time and attention is perfectly reasonable? If neither are employed or in education then smoking and drinking and talking are probably the only realistic occupations on offer? I'd guess that somewhere here he HAS acknowledged the fact that he should be making more effort towards laying the foundations of a solid relationship with you. He probably finds the company of his friend less challenging and confrontational. No pressure to do what he knows he has to. It is his refuge, and so he cuts off connection with you to keep you out of his 'sanctuary' as it were? Fixing this will not be straightforward. Attack and criticise the relationship with his friend and you will force them closer together. I'm sure you appreciate how this works...it's something we encounter in many aspects of life. Somehow you have to inspire in him the desire to do what you want, and to make him believe it is what HE wants and it is his idea. So what weapons have you got? Firstly, pursuing education and/or getting into a job with prospects equals good income. Good income equals a comfortable life and nice things. More free time. Time for you, time for socialising. Now isn't perhaps the right time for a smoke and shooting the breeze with mates. Now is the time for some investment of effort. OK, sounds like he's took a financial knock? There part and parcel of life, it's how you react to them that counts. Secondly you have a powerful sanction (powerful if he does indeed love you a lot, anyway). The fact that you do not need a specific reason to end this relationship. You could end it purely because it 'is not what you want'. He does not have to cheat on you, abuse you or do anything obnoxious. If you see no future in it, or a future you will not be satisfied with...that's enough to stop the show. Naturally, you do not deliver this in the form of an ultimatum. But you strongly insinuate it and leave him in no doubt that 1. You find his level of commitment insufficient and 2. It's not something you have to learn to live with. In short, he isn't the only show in town! To summarise so far I'd say yes, you are at two different points. There is no reason why your paths from these points forward should not converge. But they will certainly NOT converge by pure chance. It will require some effort to steer them onto this convergent path. OK, if it goes wrong, he's unwillingly to make the effort? You've been together a while and at 18 nearly a yera and a half will represent a large time investment. You're going to have to trust me here. Compared to the rest of your life this is a mere blink of an eye. How can you help yourself get over it? Well, if the relationship fails it will be because he has made no effort to meet your expectations...so what of you lost? What would you have 'won' by staying with someone who makes no effort to be what you want? Like we said, he ain't the only show in town. And there might well be a show on right now that's more to your liking!! X
ps. I'm suddenly aware of my reply sounding somewhat mercenary/cynical? OK it's far more poetic to talk about love and being the only one who understands him, and all you need are each other etc. But a comfortable life, bills paid all the time every time and nice things are not something you want to dismiss lightly or feel ashamed about wanting to secure for yourself. Trust me on this one. The way the world can look at 18 isn't nearly the whole picture.
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I'm 18 years old. I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 4months, and Before that ,we were good friends. I've been getting frustrated a lot lately because I feel like my boyfriend is still trying to find himself . He's a good person , but he has influences that cause him to feel angry/depressed . His mom is what I would describe a person who means well but shows it in wrong ways , causing my boyfriend to feel like he is a mistake . This can cause him to be a negative person . Then my boyfriend has these days were he is very positive he feels thankful to have me and is very happy . My problem is , I just started college and I feel like there is so much going on in his life that it's starting to stress me out . I love him to death don't get me wrong but I feel like the choices he's making is showing his true colors and I don't want to be stuck with the person for the rest of my life that I don't agree with any of his choices . Am I being to picky? I feel bad because he's been through so much and I want to be here for him but if he's going to be drinking and smoking while I'm working hard to get a degree , is this really worth it? (link)
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You would appear to be 'investment-reward' driven, which is self-explanatory really. You get out what you put in. At present I would say he is NOT. I'd hazard a guess that he's putting most of his willpower and efforts into just believing he's a worthwhile and confident person right now? Our childhood, the environemt we grow-up in, are very influential in our make-up, our attitudes and values. But not entirely predictable. The attitudes of his mother seems COULD have made him a very POSITIVE person (determined to prove his worth, and prove her wrong). Or they could have undermined his feelings of self-worth and self-esteem and basically made him feel his IS of rather little value. Which certainly sems to be the case here. However, YOU are now an influence too! As a practical attempt at a solution, how about giving yourself a definite time limit? Keep pouring out the positives, keep reinforcing YOUR belief in him and watch to see if he begins to make real, tangible and definite attempts to live up to this belief. Attempts to take-up the challenge and assert himself in the REAL world outside of home. If he does not then I feel that you will always see him as an under-achiever, and compared to your...well, he will be. And so the best course of action would be to let him go, harsh as it sounds. You are right, you cannot commit to a life with someone who's values are diametrically opposed to you own in such a fundamental way. And sympathy is no footing at all to build a relationship on, it's almost certain to fail. Shape-up...or ship out, to be blunt. Best wishes. You could be the making of him, but he's got to provide the materials HIMSELF and start showing potential NOW! X
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If a female starts her menstrual 14th of february an not a leap year when will it end,date of ovulation and date the next period begin
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Simply counting days is much too precise for the task in hand. The overlap is neither guranteed or necessarily consistent from one month to the next. Which is why the 'safe period' idea is not a reliable form of birth control. It's really for couples for whom a baby would be OK if and when it comes along. No problem if it came right now, no particular hurry either if not. If pregnancy would be a real problem, and you simply aren't willing or equipped to have a child at the moment you should use a much more definite means of contraception.
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Im 23 year old business woman. And im living with my boyfriend because im pregnant. I earn more than my bf with my business. And it bothers me sometimes how he treats me. He loves me but he dont want to hang out with me. Was it his ego? On his troops. He is a boss. He could boast his self to them and everyone get jealous over him. Because he is on top. But with me he feels small. Because i earn more of our living. Is this the reason why he dont want me to hang out with them? Because of this silly ego. Because he dont want to be laughed at because im more productive than he do? Will i talk this one out to him without hurting his pride? How? We only spend few moments together even if we live in the same roof because he wants to be on his troops where he is the boss.
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If a man functions as being 'the boss' in any working environment he will become used to a state of affairs where his decisons go unchallenged and his authority is absolute. Providing it is justifiable, legal, moral and 'fair' his word is law. It can be a little difficult to expect him to 'switch off' his feelings and actions as 'being thes boss' in the home environment. You have greater earning capacity? Which will be something of a dent to his 'professional ego' no doubt. The best way to address it? Well, you shouldn't really BE comparing and competing in your personal relationship. You each bring different qualities to the relationship, fulfil different roles. To choose an absolutely blatant example of this, he could not choose to carry and give birth to your impending child. Perhaps try to look at the COMBINED power of your earnings and their capability to provide a high standard of living, a nice home, entertainments and of course provide your child when he or she arrives with many advantages. He's not the boss because he's the supremo in his career. You are not the boss because you generate more wealth. You're a partnership, a team...different in some ways but equal in terms of the relationship. Since without both of you there would BE no relationship. It's a bit of a cliche, but there is no 'i' in team!!
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We have got problems, like obesity, and illegal immigrants are flooding in each day. But what about the diversity? I wake up every day knowing I am free. Make the ignorant jokes but 8 out of ten of the best schools in the world are in America. And it doesn't block people from it due to gender or race. We also have the best food in the world and it's dirt cheap, too. Less people suffer here, and make your selfish greedy jokes but it just shows you are a dumbass because in 2012 we donated 37 billion dollars to OTHER countries,and people on welfare here are doing great with it. So why do people hate us? America is the best in my opinion. (link)
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I wasn't aware that everyone DOES hate America? There was a great deal of tension between the USSR/Communist Eastern Europe and America/The NATO alliance during the Cold War years. A matter of ideology. Communism and Captalism are never going to be easy bed-fellows. And since each were packing nuclear strike capabilities sufficient to destroy each other totally about 12 times over, things were likely to get a bit fraught, to say the least! Relations are much better now, and have been for quite a while. Although the recent Ukraine situation has been a step backwards. But we're not poised on the brink of nuclear war like were were during the Cold War years. Extreme Islamic fundamentalist groups HATE America. And the whole of wetsern culture (including the UK where I live)...and Israel. Especially Israel! Israel are very friendly with America (an enemy of my enemy is my friend, eh?). I'm afraid we're ALL 'The Infidel' and corrupt beyond hope as far as they're concerned. However they DO like American Dollars in return for oil. I wouldn't try to work this relationship out yourself if I were you. It's just the way things are. Korea don't like America. Or anybody else very much, probably! They're about the world's last true Communist state with any power. We've discussed the Communist/Capitalist thing already. China are technically Communist, but they're one on their own. Communists with a free market economy. They DON'T hate America. But there's a bit of rivalry about who is actually 'the boss' in trade and commerce terms. Nor do Japan hate America (anymore, they did during they second world war, but DEFINITELY friends now). The whole of Europe and the South East Asian countries get along fine. The Sub-Saharan African countries are not particularly hostile. Northern Africa (Sahara & above) is Islamic and will have it's extremists, who don't like America/The West. South Africa, fine. Australia & New Zealand...friendly. The former Soviet Eastern European countries (there are loads of them!) are no longer under the banner of Communism and get along fine. Most of the world don't hate America in the slightest as far as I can see. Strangely (because of the distance) the UK economy is more 'in step' with the US economy than it is with the European Union. A very wealthy, well-educated, civilised and highly industrialised country...as you point out.
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What is considered the normal way to grieve for a beloved friend who has recently committed suicide? Is it abnormal or even crazy to dump your current significant other of several months and develop romantic feelings for the guy who died? (Let's call that guy Levi just so we have something to call him BTW.) Would that be sick or unhealthy in any way?
I just miss Levi so, so much. I miss the time I had with him, I miss his smile, his laugh, his wonderful ability to make me and anyone else laugh until we hurt. Most of all, I miss his kind, generous, and loving heart.
I'd do anything to be able to go back in time and save him, or even just spend some more time with him. I'd give a kidney, an ovary, an eye, a limb, and 40 years off of my life to have been able to prevent his death, but of course it's too late.
I've also seemed to develop a bit of an anger issue since his death. Sometimes I feel like Jekyll and Hyde because I can be calm one minute, explode the next, and then go back to being calm. I don't know if this anger is really for Levi, the situation, or myself for taking him for granted.
One thing that can easily spark my anger is people judging him. As a devout Christian, I believe in Heaven and Hell, but unlike some, I don't believe that suicides go to Hell. Not if they've accepted Jesus that is. I believe that anyone who does that to themselves cannot be in their right minds and that God has mercy on them for that reason. Levi was mentally ill with bipolar disorder and clinical depression. Something was not working right in his brain at the moment he decided to end his own life and I believe God understood that and took him to Heaven where is happier and doesn't suffer the problems he did here on earth.
Needless to say, some people don't feel the same way and I get so mad when I hear some judgemental person who thinks they know more than God claim that Levi's in Hell. These people did not even know him. He was a devoted Christian, he loved God, he accepted Jesus, but these people claim that he died because he worshipped the "God of the unbelievers" as if that even makes sense. Also, they put him down and spit on him for killing himself when they have no idea what a great, kind hearted person he was. He really, honestly was an inspiration to me to be a better person, but his suicide was caused by him being sick, not cruel or selfish and certainly not evil.
The break up with the guy I was seeing was partially caused by romantic feelings for Levi and partially because I felt that I needed some space from my now ex that guy. He was a great guy, but I felt like things were kind of dying between us anyway. I don't want to become the kind of person who distances herself from everyone and keeps all of her feelings bottled up though, nor do I want these new feelings for Levi to make his death more painful.
Are these feelings normal? Is having grown an obsession with suicide and mental illness normal for someone in my situation? What is the normal, textbook way to mourn the loss of such a precious life that did not have to end, but that did end at the hands of the person whose life it was? Any tips on how to get through this? (link)
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Hi there. The loss of a loved and cherished person is never easy. When they are young and die by their own hand it is maybe even much harder to bear. There's no right way or normal way to handle the emotions this is going to raise, only right for you. You're going to go to some dark places in your mind sweetheart. And you're going to jump through some emotional hoops. And just like the way you cannot buy back Levi's life with your own sacrifices, I'm afraid nobody can visit the dark places or jump through the hoops for YOU. You just have to expect them, be strong and face them. It's not unusual for a shock like this to make you examine your own life very closely, and feel a burning desire to make sweeping changes To anything and everything. If you can steel yourself to resist this it will probably be better. You won't think so maybe, but what you really need now is as much stability as you can hold on to. Keeping as many aspects of your life UNCHANGED as possible. Keep your solid points of reference. Fixed and familiar datums. Make yourself a deal, maybe? If they changes still look a good idea in six months, you'll change them. For now focus of tranquility and stability and don't just overturn everything on impulse, just for the sake of changing them, for the sake of feeling as though you are acting. You are RE-acting right now and you will be for a while yet. I'll venture one suggestion, based on sheer instinct and risk you telling me to mind my own business and butt out! I do wonder if the boyfriend you dumped has already fallen victim to this natural kick-back? You've invested a good deal of time and effort in the relationship I'd imagine? It might be an idea to contact him, maybe tell him your emotions are so turbulent right now you don't know what or how to feel about anyone or anything. And you can't face the relationship just continuing as it did before, as though nothing had happened. But would he be willing to stay close, as a friend and support? If he says yes then it may be that he too has a kind and beautiful heart and will become someone very special indeed. My thoughts are with you at what must be an incredibly difficult time. You will not ever forget Levi of course. But YOUR heart will begin love and feel again, you will see light and life around you again and you will dare to hope and plan for the future again. And really, isn't that what your beloved and already sadly missed friend would have wanted for you? Would he want YOU to face the despair and void he would have faced, the belief that no life at all was the better option? I'll tell you for sure, he would NOT. Hang in there sweetheart. I guess you feel shut-off from everything right now? Numb, sort of half and half twilight existence, no light...just shades of dark? Time a bit of a blur? Grief makes us feel isolated and alone. You are not alone. Everything is still there, you've just lost sight of it right now. You'll find a way through. XX
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Should I let my wife have a threesome with another man (link)
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Despite any pre-arranged limits and agreements about involvement and so on, despite each open-mindedly agreeing that 'they are OK with it' it VERY RARELY has a happy ending for the relationship in the longer term I'm afraid. I guess because if either is thinking about and the other thinking about permitting it (or even activiely encouraging it), there is something already fundamentally flawed or broken in the relationship. In all likelihood realising this desire will be a big game-changer for the relationship, and not in a good way. Quite simply, would any marriage guidance counsellor ever suggest 'How about letting another man have sex with your wife...you could watch and join in too?' And when you committed to each other, did you really foresee the day she would want it and you would allow it? Think about this decision, and think beyond the sexual activity itself.
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My friend and i were just at the pool hanging out and these boys came up to us and started talking to us. We thought they were nice...but we thought wrong. They took us to the shallow end and started jumping on us and then they started touching us... IN THOSE PLACES!! We tried all we could to get away from them but we couldn't get away. Then they started doing that with us. we felt their you-know-whats on our frontal privates and our back privates. so basically what I'm trying to say is that they ra*** us. when they finally stopped, we got out of the pool and started crying. I need something to keep my mind off of wanting to beat the living hell out of all of them but nothing is working. Usually music and dancing is what gets my mind off of things, but not this time. Can you give me any songs or anything to do to not want to beat the living hell out of them and am able to go to the pool without remembering what happened? (link)
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Hi. Best to each describe the incident to your parents exactly the way you have to us. Not the parts about wanting to beat them or how to take your mind off it, just the facts of what happened. They perhaps got a bit over-excited and went much too far and they probably are not dangerous rapists. But they have NO RIGHT to force themselves on you or your friend like this and upset you both. That invades YOUR rights. They need some authority figures (parents, manager of the pool/leisure centre) to come down hard on them and make them understand this. It may or may not need police intervention, that might depend on their ages and perhaps their backgrounds and if they have been involved in stuff like this before. Getting your male friends to go and beat them up is not a great idea. And do try to put the event behind you. Telling your parents in itself might well be the first big step in making you feel free of it. Although you have every right to feel angry at what they did, we start to feel better when we let some of the anger go. It makes that 'hold' the offender has on our feelings much less strong. Best wishes to you both. X X
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How much insulin would it take to accidentally kill myself? (link)
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I reckon you are craftily asking how to commit suicide here? Sort it out, you don't want to die. There are plenty of people here to talk to, why not tell one of us about it? It might help. You might find some light. There's no light where you going if you od on insulin. There's no anything.
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how do you burn pics and videos from your camera to a dvd disc so you can view them using your dvd player? (link)
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Getting a slick, free-running photo cd/dvd for presntation purposes is all about software. Check your CD-Burning software, or any utilities that might have come bundled with the camera's discs, or any functionality which may be included in your image-viewing software if you use it. Follow the instructions/help files. Failing that, see what's available to purchase. Some video file formats will indeed play directly on a cd/dvd player if they are simply copied to an optical disc. But they are very much 'as is'. Timings, transitions, titling, interactive functionality and so on (basically the stuff that makes your presentation look polished and professional and nice to use) is down to the creating/authoring software you use. The quality of your source material is also significant. Low resolution, and/or tightly compressed image and video files will look poor whatever software you use, especially now we are all used to HD quality broadcast and commercial footage. Shoot any material you intend to present at maximum quality settings, highest resolution, and maximum pixel dimensions.
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I'm 20 and I broke up with my first love a year ago. I loved him with every fibre in my being and did literally everything for him, even if it went against my morals. I spent all the money I had on getting him expensive gifts and I stuck with him, even when he couldn't care less about me. When we broke up because of the fact that he didn't wanna deal with commitment, at this stage in his life, he wasn't upset, not even for a day. It's been over a year and I've been the only one carrying all this pain and I've been holding so much hope that we could get back together, someday. We still see each other and he kisses me and that's what gave me hope that he still likes me. But last night, he told me that he'd never even think of marrying someone like me and that he needs a submissive kind of girl who doesn't pick up on the wrong things he does, like I did.I always picked up on all his lies and everything he hid from me. It hit me all at once, last night that he's been using me this past year and using my vulnerability. I cried in front of him for two hours straight and he kept saying the same things like "You're not my first love so I can't hold that much love for you" and "I told you I didn't want a relationship" "My first made me lose all my emotions" . I don't know why I'm so attached to him or why I'm even this devastated over a jerk like him. I just need someone to talk some sense into me. I worry, that I'll never be good enough for someone. What else can I do for someone to make them appreciate me? I allowed him to cross so many limits of mine and went above and beyond for him, and I get this, in return. How will I expect the next guy in my life to appreciate what I'll do for him and not break my heart again? (link)
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It's not you. I'd say he's reluctant to commit and definitely shows all the signs of a strongly controlling personality. His actions and attitudes, and the sacrificing of some/many of your own values in order to win his esteem have badly eroded YOUR self-esteem, hence you feel 'not good enough' for someone else. Relationships like this are toxic. And in honesty, there seem to be many young women lately who seem content to stay in relationships which are quite frankly, abusive (on a psychological/emotional level, not talking physical abuse). Relationships they should have ended themselves. You are better off without this person in your life. He's given himself away totally as a control-freak by admitting he could not handle a relationship with a woman who dares to criticise him, and is essentially submissive. Guys with more well-rounded personalities appreciate a woman they admire and respect, and some of the qualities you tried to bring to this relationship would be appreciated, not abused as he has abused them. You have much to offer by the sound of things. Remember it is his character which is essentially flawed. A control-freak is NOT an assertive and capable man, he is a weak man who looks for 'victims' to impose his will on. Only thing I'd pick YOU up on is a the 'crossing of limits and going against personal values' theme which seems to recur. This is NEVER a good idea. NOBODY is worth sacrificing your integrity and self-respect for. EVER. If they expect, or try to coerce or emotionally blackmail you into it, they are bad news. Walk away every time. This is NOT compromise (which is a good thing). One person cannot compromise. Two people can 'reach a compromise'. One person can only compromise themself. Which is not a good thing. And get yourself out of that 'what I'll do for him' mindset he has hammered into you, which you give away at the end. It should be a case of 'what you will do for each other'. Forget this guy. And move on. X
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