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Is it all in my mind or is it my gut instinct?
21/f
I've been having paranoia, anxiety, and trust issues about someone that I am dating. I don't want to feel paranoid or insecure about whether or not if they're seeing someone else, that they're lying to me, or because they're hiding something from me. It's not a good feeling.
I've been going to a counselor and I still haven't gotten to an answer. I don't know if it's because of my past experiences; I have constantly been hurt and disappointed by people. I was lied to, cheated on, etc. Maybe it's a possibility that I'm expecting the worst out of people and I'm trying to protect myself by expecting the worse in the least healthiest way possible? Or is it my gut instinct that's telling me that there's something wrong?
Have you ever heard of that quote, "our mind hast he ability to detect and sense danger. If you feel as if something's wrong...Never ignore that feeling."
I keep that in mind but then I've been trying to figure out what may have been the issue. Has he lied to me? Not that I'm aware of. He's told me he hasn't lied to me. He told me that his schedule is pretty predictable. He's been trying to open up to me more because I didn't like the feeling that he was hiding something from me. What could it possibly be, then? Why am I feeling this way?
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I do not know that our minds can predict danger. More acknowledge dangerous situations based on knowledge our data we have gained from experiencing or being told of similar situations. The mind is certainly extremely adept at reacting almost instantaneously to a danger or threat WHEN it occurs and issuing correct signals to protect ourselves as best we can. Threat response is rather a big area to discuss here. And it can certainly be triggered by a PERCEIVED threat when that occurs too...and the response is similar or identical to an ACTUAL threat. Since you say you do have anxiety and trust issues you have possibly answered your own question already? Past negative experiences will be playing a big role here of course (just as good and positive experiences edify us and give us confidence, negative/bad experiences will knock us down and lower our confidence and expectations). I think the key here is to to do everything you can to avoid getting into what we might call 'victim mentality'. By expecting to be lied and cheated to we interact differently with other people than we would otherwise. In a real sense we 'look and act like a victim' to other people and the worst part is that this strongly attracts re-victimisation. Sounds like your boyfriend has been pretty up-front. Try to accept this. He is NOT the 'other guys' you might be subcosciously 'expecting'. Try not to back him into corners in attempts to secure constant reassurance. Doing this will be tough on him, and may provoke a negative reation. A concept I strongly believe is the 'sefl-fulfilling propehcy'. There's no sooth-saying or spiritual fortune-telling in it, actually. It comes down to this victim mentality idea. Look and act like a victim and you are more than half-way to becoming one. Confidence sweetheart. In yourself. In him. X
ps..The 'repeat-victimisation' and victim appearnce is not supernatural either. Quite simply, in this mind-set we keep subconsciously (and even consciously) 'pushing' every situation, and the people around us, testing them out if you like. Thinking 'You'll hurt me eventually'. Because this is what we are conditioned to expect. And eventually...you'll get it!
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