I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
Gender: Male
Member Since: December 31, 2006
Answers: 3591
Last Update: August 30, 2022
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So, I have this school thing that I'll be performing in. I embarrassed myself last year and I feel like this is my one chance to make that up. My friend gave me her old uniform last year and said I could have it and she would get a new one. So today's that last day and my tracher has already gone, the performance is in about 3 days. My old uniform does not fit me anymore, and I didn't ask my teacher about it since I have the one my friend gave me. I cannot get a new one now. At the end of school today my friend said she needed her old uniform back. So now, I have to try and fit Into my old uniform that doesn't fit. I've decided to starve myself to at least try and fit into it and not look disgusting. I know it may seem drastic, but I cannot handle another situation like last year. The problem is, I only have 3 days, including today to lose a lot of weight. I've only ate about 3 carrots today and haven't drank anything. Should I drink any water? And should I be taking some diet pills while I starve and exercise a lot? I plan on eating a light snack before the performance as to not pass out. Is there any other way I could lose weight, or somehow fit into my uniform and not look disgusting, it's mainly my stomach and sides, my pants are fine, but the shirt cannot happen. (link)
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What you are doing is highly unhealthy and dangerous to your well-being and overall health. There is absolutely no justifiable reason to starve yourself. You need to knock this shit off and stop striving to weigh a certain amount in 3 whole days as it is never going to happen.
Focus on making the performance good and whatever you weigh is what you weigh. If anyone bothers you about it consider the source and know that they're being idiots. The next thing to do is explain to teachers and parents that you are embarrassed and gained some extra pounds and cannot wear your current uniform or the one you borrowed.
They will have a plan at school. If you can't fit into your uniform they can no doubt let you wear dress clothes. You just need to ask. If you want to lose pounds in future consult your doctor to find out right weight for your height and have them put you on a safe path to reaching it.
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So here's the story.
My friend is from France and he goes to college here in America. He wound up agreeing to marry a girl here so he could get his green card and because she seemed really nice. They wound up creating a joint bank account and everything to make the government believe they really loved each other.
Well she wound up becoming a monster after he married her. She quit working, lives in his apartment, uses his car, and cheats on him all the time even in his own place. He gets paid mostly in tips and only has the one bank account (with her) since he's not a full citizen for another 2 years.
Well she's been immediately taking his money out of their account and spending it on strange things like weekend trips without him in other states.
He said he needs somebody to store his money for him and wants me to be that person because he says I'm the only person he trusts.
Is there any way I can get in trouble if I just take the cash and hold it somewhere even if it's outside of a bank account (like just in cash form in a drawer or something)?
I've known him for a while and know he's not a liar, but still I worry because I don't want to get scammed by him or his wife. I asked him if he can wire it to family, but they're out of the country and this would be difficult for him and cost him money in wiring rates. If I hold it he can also easily access it.
I'm really worried about it though. Is there any way this could go badly as long as I don't spend the cash and don't deposit it in my account?
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He needs legal advice. You need to tell him that plus the fact you aren't comfortable being responsible for his money. This way you avoid the possibility of a ton of misery or anything sour.
Why can't he open his own account? If he opened a joint one they obviously accepted his photo-ID, birth-certificate and other details. He may not be an American citizen but if he's working he has a Social Security Card. He doesn't have to be a citizen to have his own account.
You should get him to consult his bank branch and also have them try to help him get out of the joint account. They know what they are doing. If I were you I would stay away from holding it and don't do that. He may be trying to hide income not just from her but other entities. If he doesn't like this and gets funny with you so be it. It's not a situation t get into.
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Can a pregnant woman use xasten? (link)
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We are not doctors so it really is best if you phoned yours and asked about interactions as well as if you should use it while pregnant.
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I'm not a virgin. I've had sex twice. I always used to use pads. But now i want to switch on to tampons. So i bought a pack of tampons. They are without applicators. I'm on my period and I've tried to insert a tampon but it never completely goes in. I first wash my vagina and then try to insert it. Does washing my vagina is making it dry? Also when i try to take the tampons it tends to stick to my vagina. Am i doing it wrong? What could be the problem? (link)
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This link will help. http://www.ob-tampons.com/faq/how-to-insert-non-applicator-tampon
Make sure to relax and wash hands before. You don't need to wash your vulva (outer genitals) before hand.
This You Tube Video has someone explaining how to do this as well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmwkGCNYXjw
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24/f
I've never had close friends since I was 8 years old. Thinking about this has always made me feel painfully sad but I don't know what to do anymore. I've never had a group of people to just hang out during the weekend, and I can't figure out what's wrong with me.
Some background:
My family moved country when I was 8. I was sent to very affluent girl only middle school and high schools where I was at the bottom of the social ladder and faced mean-girl style bullying. My mom was also pretty controlling and has OCD so she didn't let me go out much or always made me take along my older brother who has Aspergers to the few things I was invited to.
I thought college would be better but it wasn't. I was in hospital for a while so ended up going to college when I was 21. I made a few distant friends but generally felt out of place since I'm older. The few friends I do have I like a lot but I'm not that close to them and I only hang out with each one once a week just the two of us to have dinner/ run/ workout together.
I don't know how to become more normal with my social life. I know I'm quiet and shy. I look pretty average so I know it's not because I have a beard or bad b.o. or something.
I started going to church and the people there are friendly but I'm still very new there so don't know if I will make friends there. I just moved away from my mom into a place with 4 housemates who are friendly but I don't know how housemate friendships work.
How do you make close friends? I feel like theres a technique or something that I just never figured out.
My worst fear is that I will always spend my weekends alone or if I ever get married I will have about 3 people to invite.
Any advice is appreciated. (link)
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The first thing you should do is find a reputable therapist who can work with you on finding confidence, loving yourself, feelings you have surrounding all of this and teaching you how to get on well socially. That's where I would start.
You really have to purge all of the negative shit from the past including what happened with bullying and how your parents restricted you from socializing at all and the impact your mother's OCD has had on you as an adult. Until you can make peace with and or better yet move on unaffected it will bother you and you'll be unhappy.
The thing is people probably do want to be your friend but they can see that you aren't comfortable or confident and may have backed off when they see you shy or not interacting easily.
You may also haven't read signals properly from potential friends. You also have to give any friendship time to blossom on its own and become lasting. Don't worry you'll learn how to achieve this.
If you like people from church and want certain people as friends try inviting these young people to bowling, movies etc. etc. or tell them you are new and haven't met friends or anyone your age yet and ask if they would like to hangout some time. That would help you. Maybe they have a choir or youth group (under 25 is still youth) or theater group or something like some churches. Find out and get active there.
You also have to know that people aren't out to hurt you and actually do want to know who you are and what you are about. If you keep this in mind it may help you.
The best things I know to boost confidence in a hurry are self-defense programs. You are always working with others in class and develop friends easily with same goals and from different backgrounds. It really boosts confidence in yourself especially if it is the basement when you start.
The other is to do an improv class through parks and rec or programs offered elsewhere in the city for adults. They force you to interact with people from all backgrounds and learn how to relate to others and solve problems as a group. Lots of potential for friends. In fact, if you search for this you may find improv programs designed specifically for people with anxiety and other social issues.
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Hello, I'm freaking out and don't know what to do. I'm completely out of money and overdrafted by -$10 in my account.
I'm a college student who just moved off to college less than a month ago and found a new job three weeks ago. It turned out though that in the first two weeks my job didn't give me very many hours as I was training so I only wound up with about $110 for the first week and haven't been paid yet for this last week and won't be paid for this week until next Thursday or later.
My issue is that I have a car payment and car insurance which totals about $425 together and my car insurance was taken out this morning, which is what overdrafted me.
I even sold a watch that I loved to make money ($80) but I sold it online and now I won't get paid for it until the buyer gets it and accepts it, but who knows when that will be when I just shipped it today.
My car payment ($316) is due on the 26th and though I have a grace period I have no idea how I'm going to be able to make this!!!
Fortunately, because I am a college student I at least have a meal plan so I can depend on that for food during the week. However, I have no money for food on the weekends or anything else I might need. I'm also 100 miles behind on an oil change in my car so I don't even feel safe driving it and it needs a synthetic change which is $60! I don't know what to do, I feel like everything is a giant disaster right now!
I can't ask my mom or dad for money because they don't have any to spare and I'm stuck on campus without any friends since I'm new here.
Please help me with some ideas!
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The thing with an overdraft and paying it back is that the bank will likely deduct funds from your account the minute they go in until they get their $425.00. It's automatic. In theory if your pay cheque goes in they'll take all of it. That ends up screwing you worse.
If I were you I would make an appointment with the bank. Explain that you have left one job for another because it's close to school and that this is temporary and they have not paid you on time and you want to rectify the overdraft but don't know how. See what ideas they have if any.
Of utmost importance never tell a creditor be it the bank or someone else even if pressuring you that you'll agree to certain date or payment terms without thoroughly knowing what it all means. I was told by a lawyer once that this legally means they can bother you for 2 years to get it from you.
If the car is new and well-maintained than although recommended the 100 mile synthetic oil change can wait a little longer. It's a guide to bring it in within that window or reasonably close after. If your lease however says you must do X by whatever mileage than that's different.
The only thing you can really do is ask someone you know to loan you the money to get out of trouble but after that you'll need a consistent way to meet these fees going forward or add another or better paying job to what you do now. You could also talk to the dealership and see if there's a way to rearrange the payments.
Your college studies and then the car are the most important things and then the overdraft. There's the old saying they can't get blood from a stone even if you default.
They can only recover what they are owed when you can pay. The only thing that can happen is they go after the leased vehicle. That they can do.
I think what you have to do is talk to your employers about hours and your situation and then your parents about how in debt you are and what needs to be paid. It's your only option. Never declare bankruptcy if you owe $4,000 or less for you never know when you will have the money earned and you'll be screwed financially and unable to have credit for at least 7 years.
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I don't know if this is the right category, but I am in university. I go to a small private university and a bunch of my classes have about 10 or so people in them.
Because of the small class size, there is a lot of professor-student interaction and questions and things.
I usually know the answer when the professor asks a question, or at least have a reasonable guess, but I never put my hand up. I hate speaking in a group of people.
Almost every time the prof calls on me, I start talking but the first few syllables are completely inaudible. I hate it, and I wish it wouldn't happen because I would like to be able to answer questions. I just end up looking stupid, especially in my French course when it is a pronunciation excercise....
It's not just in class though like any time in life when I need to talk in a situation I am not 100% comfortable in I can't get the first bit out in an audible manner.
Why? What can I do to fix it?
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Trust your ability and what you know first of all. You must believe in yourself, your point of view and that you are as smart as they are and what you ave to say is as valid.
Then when in class say your piece and know that it's just as important and talk and relay information in the same way you would when talking to a friend as it's no different. You just don't have confidence in yourself.
One of the things you ought to do is take an improvisation class at school, parks and rec etc. It forces you to work with others and problem solve and speak in front of others all the time. You would develop the confidence you need easily there or in any community theater group for young people.
Join student council at school because that also forces you to speak and share ideas with others constantly and it will build your confidence up as would any club you could join.
More or less to overcome speaking publicly and in class you just have to do it over and over don't worry about the words until you get comfortable and realize you can. Practice and just going for it will help you. That's the best thing. Even if you think you'll fall on your face it's okay for you will see you won't if you continue to try.
You also have to forget about what if scenarios and realize that your peer's reactions to you speaking really don't matter as long as you and your teacher see that you are learning and gets exactly the point you are making.
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......I met this guy a couple weeks ago and we really hit it of. Last weekend he came to hang out with me and a friend while my friend was babysitting. We had been talking nonstop all week. So when he came over it was great. An he ended up spending the night. He slept on the couch with me and we were cuddling and everything was so perfect. But then he kissed me and we were kissing but I madw him stop. He seemed vaguely disappointed but didn't argue with me at all. He is such a good guy but I think he got an erection more than once that night so I tried to put a little space etween us. Physically. All in all it was a great night. Until morning came and his friend showed up to get him. He couldn't get away from me fast enough. I'm used to being used but i expected more from him. He texted me almost immediately after they left and since then he keeps switching from "it was a mistake and shouldn't have happened" to "I wish we could be more than friends" (link)
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I don't think he's embarrassed by you at all especially if he wants to be more than friends and texted that immediately to you. Disinterested people don't do that.
He is embarrassed about the kissing and intimacy and may feel he did something wrong that you made him stop. He probably knows you saw what occurred with his erections which are normal and not his fault. I would text him "What are you apologizing for?" and that "everything is fine." If bolder is your style tell him you would like to see if things develop into more than friends.
I would talk to him and explain that all of this is fine and that you know this stuff happens with guys and to relax. You should be fine as I sense this is all he's wound up about and perhaps didn't want the friend to know. It's not about you. He likes you. That's for sure.
Also, he's a different person than anyone you have met or been with before. Don't assume that people are going to use you. That's not fair to any potential suitor. The other thing is that you are in control and need to put breaks on with new people so it never goes there unless you know that kissing, cuddling etc. are for sure what you want at that time.
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Hi guys, I'm a 22 year old female. For some background, I just left a job that I've worked at for four years to start working at a new place that would help get me experience that I need to find a job in my field of study since I just got my bachelor's degree. I hate change and I thinking switching jobs has been the biggest change I've made yet. I am also sick for about two weeks now. And, I also just finished my period on Sunday (today is Wednesday).
I don't mean to demean what I'm feeling right now but I wanted you to know everything that I've been going through to help out in finding a solution.
I've been pretty sad lately. I have been crying a lot, on the drop of a dime. A lot of the times, I don't even really know why. Sometimes I think it's just stress, sometimes I think I have anxiety, other times I just can't think anything because I cannot stop crying. I have also been tending to exacerbate life a lot lately as well. For instance, I currently work with my brother's ex girlfriend and I was thinking the other day how even though my brother and his ex girlfriend are not currently together, they do have a lot of mutual friends and I wondered how weird it would be for them to see the other person with someone else at a party or just hanging out one day since my brother and his girlfriend have been together for six years. Then I started panicking thinking about if my boyfriend and I ever broke up, how I would handle seeing him out with another girl so I texted him to just to talk to him about it and because he's one of the people that can calm me down when I get like that and he said that thought shouldn't have even crossed my mind since breaking up with me has never crossed his mind in the two years we've been together.
My mom knows it all, how I've been sad lately and how I've been crying way more than usual. She has anxiety, so she is no stranger to it. I can be fine one minute but the second she asks me how I'm doing, I just lose it and cry to her for a long time or I can be crying and stop and be fine but when she asks me if I'm doing okay, I get said again and start crying. She said she noticed that I haven't really been eating as well and that no appetite is a sign of anxiety. She's monitoring me to see how the rest of my week goes but she's been researching lately and she read somewhere that hormones will change every 7 years and I just turned 22 so she's thinking that my hormones are out of balance and it's just really attacking me right now.
Like I said, my mother knows as does my boyfriend and they are both watching me and said we'll talk to someone if it does not get better by next week. I guess I'm just wondering if I could get some answers from people on the outside beforehand and maybe I'll go into this more ready. Thanks for any help. (link)
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I think it's more than hormones based on what I have experienced with myself and others with mental health issues. However, you need a psychiatrist to make that determination.
The one thing that strikes me is that you can be happy and enjoying life one minute and bang you get really depressed and non-stop crying and or negative and sad thoughts racing through your head. That could be a sign of depression and even bipolar disorder as it keeps cycling on and off.
Definitely make that doctor's appointment for as soon as you can get one. What you should do is keep a journal. In it write the date down, how long the episode lasted, what you were thinking at the time and doing immediately before. This is important as it establishes how long this has been going on and how fast it keeps cycling. You also want to note or have your mother do so any grandiose ideas, thinking that may not be in line with reality and periods of happiness, elation and total crashing.
It's not normal for you to be happy and then profoundly sad or elated and crash back down from one or the other and have that constantly repeat without any warning. Something is going on and it's best to find out what without hesitation.
Your moods should not be that up and down and nor should anxiety. It's good that your mother is monitoring you for she may see things that you cannot that are subtle but important to resolving this. If you cannot get checked by your doctor this can be considered an emergency room visit as it could be a mental health disturbance needing immediate care. Either way I would get to see a doctor pronto.
The thing with women and bipolar as well as other mental health issues is that on average they hit during late teens to early twenties because of hormonal and brain changes so yes, it can be part of the issue and bringing and making an episode start earlier in life but not the main reason for you having it. Anyways, a psychiatrist will be able to help you.
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Hey I just need some advice about my sister. She's 16 and now i am becoming very concerned with her behaviour. It started when she was 13; I thought it was just her teenager attitude but its not getting any better.
First of all the school issue. She never goes to school. She always pretends to be 'sick' - EVERY single week she's got something different wrong with her. My parents were fighting the battle and grounding her every time but now they have virtually given up on that fact so if she stays home they yell at her and thats it. It happens every week. She becomes "sick" and watches Netflix all day. She's even at risk of failing Year 10.
She can't drop out because she doesnt know what she wants to do. Shes been through 3 jobs and she just does 'no shows', stays home and watches tv, and then gets fired. She has no motivation or goals. She is so so lazy. She doesnt want to do anything but she ALWAYS has time to go out with her friends or go to parties and get drunk.
In addition to this her friendship life is horrid. She had a best friend who eventually stopped being friends with my sister because my sister was a bitch to her. Then she got another good bunch of friends and they stopped being friends with because she was a bitch and all she cared about is "boys and getting drunk" Now she has another couple of friends who also just stopped being friends with her because my sister is a bitch! I heard the way she spoke to this girl the other day - the girl borrowed my sisters jeans and asked to keep them for an extra day and my sister straight away goes "NO, GIVE MY F*** JEANS BACK, THEYRE GOING TO STINK LIKE SHIT, I WANT THEM BACK GIVE THEM BACK YOU B****"
I was mortified! I have never ever spoken to my friends like that. She also talks bad about people, she also lost a couple of friends because she told them that they're selfish, all they care about is themselves and that the only reason they wanted to hang out with my sister is to be more 'popular'
She has no respect for anyone - the way she speaks to people is disgusting. Shes lazy, irresponsible, and rude. I dont know what else to do. My mum has come to the conclusion that shes a sociopath. But i dont know. I thought it would get better as she got older but its getting worse (link)
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I don't think she is a sociopath but she is addicted to alcohol based on what you wrote and perhaps drugs as well. I have seen with young people who are alcoholics that their temperament, outlook, drive to do anything and health declines. They are apt to extreme mood swings and to lash out at people randomly and be extremely selfish.
The problem is either your parents know this about her and have no idea how to help or that they are blind to it or suspect it and don't know what to do. I think they should get her help if she's drinking all the time through Al-Anon that has teen groups and get counsel and help from a physician to try and put a stop to this adversely affecting daily life and functioning.
As far as the school goes I don't think yelling will do a thing. They need t talk to her principal, teachers and perhaps even friends to find out why she isn't going and blames it on illness daily and figure out a plan to get her here and keep her there. At 16 though she has the right to drop out which isn't good.
Your sister needs to be shown what dropping out of school at her age with no job, money or prospects without a diploma will land her and the huge risk she is taking without thinking about it. She should be cut off of phone, Internet, Netflix, computer etc and anything she cannot provide for herself except for food and bed and learn that she's not on the right path.
She may feel sick but it is likely from drinking all the time. Your parents need to stand firm and physically get her to school and back and more importantly help that she may need. You have to be supportive of her, your parents and allow them to work this out and encourage it but stay on sidelines mostly.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years but it's been very rough. We fought on and off and it has caused quite a few tears in our relationship. I'm not one to believe in Zodiacs but he's a Capricorn and I'm a Gemini. Every website I've been to has told us the road will be difficult. I'm more of a talkative person and I see life quite different than him. Hes very overprotective and quiet. I love to communicate whereas he doesn't mind being quiet on the phone allwhenever we have a chance to speak to one another. The problem is that it's gotten so bad that I think we've both come to the realization that we've both turned into people we're not from the constant fighting we've endured. Part of me doesn't want to give up because I put so much hope into him. However part of me feels like I'll never get what I want in this relationship. I'm 24 and I don't want to be branded by being associated with him. Clearly I can't have the best of both worlds but letting go is going to be so hard. What do I do? (link)
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You seem to be more worried about how people will think of you for dating him than of him and his needs. The sentence you wrote about not wanting to be branded either temporarily or long term by being associated with him leaped out. I think you are more worried about you than him to be brutally honest with you.
It happens with people that they get involved with someone who turns out to be the wrong fit for whatever reason and they reach an impasse or don't know what they want. It has happened here. If you have tried to repair things a multitude of times and can't move forward with the relationship maybe it's time despite hope and effort to say this isn't healthy for either of us and cut losses and be fair to both of you. You may emerge friends from it. Why should either of you remain miserable?
As far as astrology goes and him being A and you X it's more for entertainment than anything else and i think you get that. The same goes for web sites. People can be helpful to you as can articles etc. but deep down you have to go with your gut and what it is telling you about the relationship.
However, start focusing on what he needs in the relationship overall and from you as a partner as I'm seeing a lot of what you are concerned with needs wise and less of how you have tried to make it work with him and what he needs out of the relationship. It takes two people to have reached this impasse. You both have to explore if it's worth continuing something that keeps getting worse. Unless there is a way to work it out with counselling, someone mediating or both of you hashing through what both of you of you need to make this work and ding that than you may have to walk away from an unhealthy situation.
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Hi, my name's Nick. I'm 15 years old (male) and I'm in love with my 14 year old friend (female). She likes to mess with me a lot, like one time she jumped on top of me to get me down on the ground to see who has the most strength and she likes to grab my stuff and make me chase her for it; and our personalities are SO SIMILAR! She was recently tipped off by a (not anymore) acquaintance of mine that I liked her and she ACTUALLY believed him! We had a long and award messages chat (I couldn't see her in person as she was on vacation) She said that it was pretty obvious to her that I liked her after which she apologized for not being able to hang out and I was reassuring her, telling her how she shouldn't AT ALL be sorry. But during our chat after those events occured she told me that she has a boyfriend which I find weird because she's never mentioned a boyfriend before and she always says she's going to the movies with him. ALWAYS! Even on weekdays! I used to see her practically every day and now suddenly out of the blue she's SO BUSY?! I feel that she's avoiding me even though i already know she's not but that doesn't change the fact that it hurts. I know you're gonna say that I'm too young to know what love is or that its just "want" getting the better of me but frankly I DON'T CARE! I LOVE her and I would NEVER IN MY LIFE hurt her because of my "want" or anger I would for whatever reason have toward her at the time. IF IT HELPS PLEASE NOTE THAT I LIVE A 3 MINUTE WALK FROM HER HOUSE. Any Advice? (sorry its so long) (link)
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I have a feeling that you have misread the things she does in goofing around as a sign of love and not friendship. I think friends is all she has in mind.
The fact she is suddenly busy all the time even after her vacation and has a boyfriend nobody ever knew existed suggests she might be trying to get you to go away or I'm not interested in you on any level without hurting you. I would wait awhile and see what happens. If she's a true friend she will include you as always especially with school in session. If she shows no interest in you in the next little while move on. She seems to be sending this vibe.
You could try talking to her about this but if she's put up a wall and says she has a boyfriend which you can't verify than there's not much point as nothing can be done about this and the friendship may go south if it hasn't just now. I would back off of her entirely and wait to see if she comes to you and things are as usual now that vacation is over.
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Is it normal to subconsciously convince yourself that everything negative that you feel is just made up?
I'm a recovering self-harmer and have been since December 2015. Every single time after I relapse or have a bad day, a little voice in the back of my head always says things like: 'You're just pretending to be sad for attention' or 'If you were actually ever sick, how can you be okay again after a while? See? You're just making it all up and exaggerating everything' or at least something along those lines. Does this happen to anyone else? And does anyone know why this happens? (link)
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This definitely isn't normal and not your real thinking at all. I am glad you are able to see that this is cause to be concerned. Your illness is still trying to run the show and pass itself off as your own thinking and correct version of reality when it really is a counterfeit of you and it.
I can say this having dealt with mental health issues and been around people who are like yourself. It wants you to think everything is alright and that I'm not sick and all my problems are imaginary and or for attention or made up when the reality is they aren't. This can become a crisis if you are blinded further to the fact you could be in trouble again with disregarding the voices and carrying on as usual.
What you should do is show and or tell your parents about what you said here and what the voices constantly tell you. Then you should immediately go to your psychiatrist and explain honestly what is happening with voices and what it's saying to you and ask for guidance. You must do that you can maintain the mental stability you have had from Dec. 2015 onward and not relapse or have a bigger problem to deal with for not checking this out.
He/she knows the reasons it happens and the way to turn voices off and provide correct treatment to you. That's where I would start as it may prevent hospitalization if you catch this now and obey the "hey this isn't right" feeling like you have. I wish you well. Let me know how things transpire.
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Just a simple question.
Who do you think is the current reigning country music queen? (link)
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I notice this question has not been answered for a number of weeks. The problem is that it's not as simple as you would think to answer.
No matter who replies the question is subjective for each person will have a different take on what good and bad country music is and the style and voices they gravitate to that could be radically different from yours. The better question is who d you feel fits the bill as reigning country music queen and the criteria? That's what matters and not necessarily the opinions of other people you may not know who may not always disclose any biases or why they think like they do.
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For about the past 3 years I've been using laxatives every single day and have had issues with eating, at first I just didn't like the feeling I'd get when I'd eat to much, so I'd take laxatives, but this past year my disorder got much worse, and I got down to a very low weight. My parents have found out and I'm staying at home to try to 'refeed' and get off laxatives, and I'm seeing my doctor regularly. I haven't been gaining any weight, because I just can't feed myself that much, and have still been taking laxatives, they are just impossible to quit, I had no idea how hard this is, and even when I do stop taking them for a few days, I still haven't been able to 'go' on my own, and I keep my diet insanely strict with the foods I eat, I eventually just give up. Everyone is telling my mom I need to be hospitalized because of how low my weight is, and I've had an interview with the hospital to talk about the program they would put me in, I know I cannot gain the weight on my own, and I want so bad to get better and be normal, but I found out what they feed you there, they told me it would be stuff like white bread and cookies and ice cream, which would be terrible for my colon. If I can't even go when all I eat is whole grains and fruit, how will I go when they stuff me with junk with barely any fiber?? I want so bad to get off the laxatives on my own, but my eating is just so bad, I know I need the stability the hospital will give me, but I have nightmares of being stuffed with food and not having the laxatives, its just such an addiction, and I know my nightmare would come true going to the hospital, especially since the make you eat crazy amounts to get you back to a normal weight. And I asked if they would change my diet because of my special problem, they just think that's my ED seeing those foods as sins, and I don't! I just know my bowels having to relearn how to work, anyone needs to go on a high fibre diet and avoid foods, after my body works on its on, I would be okay eating not such a strict diet, but they don't understand and I have no idea what would be the best thing to do. All I care about is getting off laxatives, and all they care about is getting me fat! I dont know what to do... I feel completely trapped. (link)
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Your illness is trying to convince you not to get well and scare you into having "what if?" thoughts and paralyzing fear about what will happen to you and your body and mind if you accept the necessary treatment.
Look, the treatment will be difficult and may be unpleasant (ie the colon) but when you add everything up the benefits and being healthy permanently far outweigh anything that may be stressful or strenuous.
You need to get into the hospital program as soon as possible and not look back. The only way to be well and stay that way is to go along with the doctor and get into this program.
They know exactly how to bring you along, wean you off of things and get you 100% healthy. You have nothing to lose and a ton of support. Do the right thing and have your family admit you as it is for the best. Prolonging it could kill or provide further harm to you the way things are currently headed.
It would be in your best interest to be 100% forthcoming with your doctor about your fears and illness. You absolutely need to show him the letter you wrote us so they know exactly what you are thinking and doing especially if you can't say it to anyone in any other way and let them know you feel trapped. This is just the first step and it's a big one to getting well.
It will be hard work but your life will be so enriched and 10 times better if you take the help that they are offering you and face this demon head on once and for all.
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I am a 12 year old girl who can't masturbate and need help because I can't buy a dildo
(link)
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I think the best thing to do is to have an open conversation and continued dialogue with your mother ideally or an older female you trust about masturbation and sexuality and yourself.
At your age it is pretty much a universal thing with both sexes or about to become one due to hormonal surges and puberty with masturbation.
It's something we all do at some point in life statistically but don't admit to or discuss out of stigma. Parents suspect that their teens and pre-teens are doing this or have learned about it through sex-education through school. Not all of them talk about it to their kids because of that perception but figure their child is likely doing it and that it's normal and covered when it may not be and questions linger.
The problem is that society equates this activity with sex when often it is not. It can be done at any age and may be just because it feels good, to relieve stress or for comfort or if toddlers and infants discover their genitals much like they would any other part of their body. Even if you were having racy thoughts it's all normal and par for course.
Your mom knows this and likely was like you but with less info growing up than kids receive today on this subject and sexuality. It would not phase her one bit if you spoke to her about this and sexual feelings that may go with it and increasing need to deal with them in a safe way.
Believe me when it comes to drugs, sex and other bad things you could be up to the fact you masturbate frequently and the method is the last thing she would be concerned with. I would leave the decision on whether you are ready for any type of novelty toy to her as the adult. You can't buy one without a person much older than yourself or 18+ for reasons listed in the other advice below.
It may be awkward to talk about it but it's to your benefit that she knows about this. You could have the same discussion with another adult female or someone in late teens about it as well but I think discussing all of this with her and if unable to someone you trust who is nearly or is approaching being an adult is best.
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I'm 14 years old, and I got my first phone when I was 12. I had secretly been going on a chatroom every night on my phone without my mom knowing. On there, I met a man who was 22 at the time and we chatted a bit- nothing sexual or romantic- but then we started talking every single night and we'd talk until the wee hours of the morning. I realized I had developed a crush on him and he said he kind of liked me like that too. By then we had been talking for a few months. So then he said he felt wrong and creepy about it and didn't want to talk anymore because he was afraid he was going to become a pedophile, but I loved talking to him, so I talked him into staying. That happened a few more times until I became 14 and I think he felt a little better about it. But now, I am realizing I'm just dragging him down. We never do anything sexual or inappropriate but we do like each other romantically and nothing can ever come of it. I would never meet with a stranger I met online so even when I'm grown up, nothing could happen. He's a great friend and I feel like I could tell him anything, but I don't know if I should stop talking to him. Is it wrong that we're talking? Is it unnatural and disgusting? He's one of my best feiends, so I want to do what's best for him and me. (link)
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A 22-year-old man should have nothing in common with a 14-year-old girl online or off of it. As nice as he may seem there's everything wrong with him approaching you online even if it's only talk and nothing beyond that.
It means he is searching for young people online and that's not normal behavior. You may like the person he projects himself to you and think he's charming but truth is he could be talking to other kids and may be a pedophile and may not be. Right now you have fallen for his words which he may have carefully crafted.
He may be a genuinely nice person and not a pedophile or having abnormal interest but you honestly have no idea. Adults his age know that at the very least talking to young people they don't know is wrong. At 22 he should be talking to adults not kids younger than him.
It's odd and could be seen as creepy. The fact he's conflicted and says so could mean that he knows what he is doing is wrong and may have some kind of bad problem with young people.
You are 14-years-old and while knowing that nothing ever could happen in real life still feel as though there is something wrong here and may be right about an adult approaching a kid and carrying on conversation this long. I also think you need to stay out of chat rooms meant for adults.
Tell your parents about them and how to log on and let them see this person's e-mails to you and phone number and logs and have them gauge whether they think you talking to him may be dangerous or if it's disturbing. They won't be angry for you telling them.
I would definitely stop talking to him and delete him as a contact and flag in e-mail what he's saying as there's a lot as I said wrong with an adult conversing with a kid for hours into the morning when he should be socializing with adults in real world or online an he knows it and I think you do too.
Also, a friend is someone your own age with whom you constantly see, communicate with and have interactions with in the real world. This person whom you have never met is not a real friend and could in fact be far worse than you have imagined.
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I know that mood swings are just a part of periods and all that and I just kinda wanted to get a second opinion and check that it was normal. My periods are quite irregular and a day or two before I start it, I get really severe bouts of depression which leads to suicidal thoughts and self harm 99% of the time.
Is this a normal thing or should I be concerned? (link)
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Mood swings are one thing but depression and suicidal thoughts aren't. It is not normal regardless of when they happen. You should see your doctor immediately and tell him/her honestly what is happening and with self-harm and get help. It's a warning sign. Be concerned. Do something about this.
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...I still have this hint of miserable depression inside of me. It's the worst chemical balance. What can I do to make my chemical imbalance... balance and I'll feel the happiest without that sickening hint of depression?
I go to a psychiatrist. I'm taking the correct medications (Lithium, Lamictal, Latuda and Invega). I don't do therapy because I feel pressured to talk no matter what, and that makes me feel BEYOND worse than I already feel.
I'm doing aromatherapy which helps A LOT, but it's not enough. I do exercising INCREDIBLY a lot, and it makes me fully happy right after, but then that hint of depression comes back. I do yoga and meditation too.
Nothing's helping to take away that hint. What am I supposed to do?! (link)
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You didn't say which mental illness you were diagnosed with. It makes a difference in the advice I can give you. I know that Lithium and Lamictal are used to treat bipolar disorder for I'm on both myself.
Latuda is an anti-psychotic often used t treat bipolar. It does what Seroquel does with shutting down voices, irrational thought, obsession, delusion etc. The problem is with bipolar disorder that sometimes you will feel mildly depressed and other times toward the happy spectrum. It's the nature of the problem.
As long as it's on a flat one spectrum or the other for extended periods it's normal for the disease. What you don't want is constant up and down from one to the other and rapidly cycling as that's a big warning you aren't well.
What you should do is go back to your psychiatrist and explain to him/her that you have windows of depression that lasts for extended periods and then takes quite a while to get back to happy or it goes up and down rapidly. Ask to do levels wit your blood of the Lithium, Lamictal and Latuda to see if they can iron it out with increase/decrease of dosage and or so-called band-aid drug to stabilize the others. Either way, this can all be remedied if you are honest with him/her about how you really are feeling.
Hit my inbox up after you have done this and let me know what the solution is. I have been there and it's not fun when they are fine tuning meds and it's almost there but not quite.
As far as therapy goes if you aren't comfortable with group therapy and hearing stories over and over or being forced to share that's fine don't go. Instead focus on your one on one time with the psychiatrist and getting as much as possible out of it. Just know that the group and outpatient programs are there if you ever need their help.
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15 // female
One of my friends, Jess, has a boyfriend. The problem is she is telling us that she doesn't like him anymore and wants to break up with him. They have been dating for about 2 months.
The problem is that she avoids confrontation A LOT. (She thinks it's a good thing, but that's another story and that isn't really my business.) So when he asks her to do things, like go to the movies, she says yes, and then she'd tell us how much she doesn't want to. When she does that, I tell her to say no and then she just shrugs it off. She said last week that she plans to break up with him this Friday. Since then he has asked her to walk home together and sit together in class and she has said yes. Looking at the way things are going, it seems like she'll never break up with him and she'll just keep putting it off 'til the next week.
This is her first relationship, she wants to break up with him because she likes someone else.
she asked him if he likes her before she was with her current boyfriend and he said no, now she likes him again, and this is a complete speculation and I could be completely off, but adding everything together I see that
she could have used her boyfriend to make the other guy jealous.
I have been trying to tell her that she should break up with him now before it's too late and he starts to like her more and more while she likes someone else more and more, but she won't listen. I am just going to let her do what she wants to do now but I just felt like I needed to tell someone. (link)
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You are right it's a situation where it's not your business to be involved even if she is treating the other guy like dirt behind his back. Even if she is using him to make someone jealous you can't say anything or it will be you that suffers her wrath.
All you can do is encourage her to do the right thing but even that is dicey as it's becoming involved. The one thing you never do is become involved between two people in a relationship as you always become the one person both despise that way.
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