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Talking to a man online (14 yrs)
I'm 14 years old, and I got my first phone when I was 12. I had secretly been going on a chatroom every night on my phone without my mom knowing. On there, I met a man who was 22 at the time and we chatted a bit- nothing sexual or romantic- but then we started talking every single night and we'd talk until the wee hours of the morning. I realized I had developed a crush on him and he said he kind of liked me like that too. By then we had been talking for a few months. So then he said he felt wrong and creepy about it and didn't want to talk anymore because he was afraid he was going to become a pedophile, but I loved talking to him, so I talked him into staying. That happened a few more times until I became 14 and I think he felt a little better about it. But now, I am realizing I'm just dragging him down. We never do anything sexual or inappropriate but we do like each other romantically and nothing can ever come of it. I would never meet with a stranger I met online so even when I'm grown up, nothing could happen. He's a great friend and I feel like I could tell him anything, but I don't know if I should stop talking to him. Is it wrong that we're talking? Is it unnatural and disgusting? He's one of my best feiends, so I want to do what's best for him and me.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I don't want to jump on the 'paedophile' bandwagon. And since nothing that you find disturbing or 'feels wrong' has taken place in two years I doubt he is a threat. I believe the internet 'grooming' characters look for quicker results and easier victims? I should imagine he is probably a rather lonely man. Possibly one who is not very skilled or confident socially? I would however suggest you either break it off completely. or at least not get involved in any more long exchanges with him. Since it is not doing him any favours or really helping him in the long term. You may aleady have helped him when he confessed his fears of becoming a paedophile? You possibly led him to confront this and (presumably?) not act on it. I appreciate that having an older person, who is neither a parent/family member/teacher etc who you feel you can 'tell anything' is an attractive opportunity in your teens. Which can be pretty turbulent and stressful times, eh? That's what sites like this are about really, isn't it? It is a lot more controlled however. Personal communications may have much more sinister motives and outcomes. I think 'disgusting and unnatural' are a bit strong and almost certainly misplaced in your particular case, so don't get hung-up about having done something basically 'wrong'. Probably fair to say, although he's years your senior, you're about 'outgrowing' HIM emotionally already. Like you said. Nothing can really come of this and you don't actually want it to anyway. OK, you wouldn't tell your mom about any of this. But I can honestly say you've done nothing wrong. You so clealry (from your post) discern the difference between on-line and real world relationships. Not all girls of 14 are anywhere near that mature and savvy.
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Let me know if I have this straight. You're too cautious to EVER meet someone in person that you met online but you're not cautious about talking to the person on the phone month after month? There's nothing wrong with meeting people in person that you met online, as that is how you turn a "virtual" relationship into a real one. It also challenges the person who may be lying to you about who they are on the phone. Do not misunderstand! I am not suggesting that you meet this guy in person. You shouldn't. You should stop talking to him altogether. There's something very off about his motives here. It's inappropriate and more than a little suspect. Find people your own age and stop toying with adults. You need to develop experience dealing with REAL people in REAL situations. That means seeing them in person, making eye contact and dealing with them in a straight-forward fashion. You have a lot of growing to do. Enjoy the journey and leave this guy alone.
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So the age difference is a little off, which i assume you already though having to ask this question. but as other people will tell you the age is the problem. I think that there is much more to worry about, the fact that he is online is a red flag people can say whatever they want to doesn't mean it is what is factual.
Honestly i think that the mental age will become more of a problem, the difference between you too will more than likely change over the years you grow. you will run out of things to talk about and soon you will not have interest in communicating with this man. For now as long as you are just talking and no addresses or numbers or any personal information is shared - be extremely careful. I dont see harm in it, i am young as well and have had the same connection with people online. But its harmless as long as no further action is taken. most people might disagree with this but i am not trying to be "Motherly" im trying to answer as a friend whos been there.
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A 22-year-old man should have nothing in common with a 14-year-old girl online or off of it. As nice as he may seem there's everything wrong with him approaching you online even if it's only talk and nothing beyond that.
It means he is searching for young people online and that's not normal behavior. You may like the person he projects himself to you and think he's charming but truth is he could be talking to other kids and may be a pedophile and may not be. Right now you have fallen for his words which he may have carefully crafted.
He may be a genuinely nice person and not a pedophile or having abnormal interest but you honestly have no idea. Adults his age know that at the very least talking to young people they don't know is wrong. At 22 he should be talking to adults not kids younger than him.
It's odd and could be seen as creepy. The fact he's conflicted and says so could mean that he knows what he is doing is wrong and may have some kind of bad problem with young people.
You are 14-years-old and while knowing that nothing ever could happen in real life still feel as though there is something wrong here and may be right about an adult approaching a kid and carrying on conversation this long. I also think you need to stay out of chat rooms meant for adults.
Tell your parents about them and how to log on and let them see this person's e-mails to you and phone number and logs and have them gauge whether they think you talking to him may be dangerous or if it's disturbing. They won't be angry for you telling them.
I would definitely stop talking to him and delete him as a contact and flag in e-mail what he's saying as there's a lot as I said wrong with an adult conversing with a kid for hours into the morning when he should be socializing with adults in real world or online an he knows it and I think you do too.
Also, a friend is someone your own age with whom you constantly see, communicate with and have interactions with in the real world. This person whom you have never met is not a real friend and could in fact be far worse than you have imagined.
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That happened to me once If I were you I delete the person
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