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Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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I'm dating this guy. He's very sweet, smart, funny, and he notices all the little things about me. I feel like he really cares about me. I can be myself around him and we seem to have a good connection.
However, he's a little too sexual for me. We were laying in the grass for a bit and he put is hand up my shorts. I said no and pushed him away. He kept trying and I kept pushing him and threatened to get up and leave if he did so. So he kept his hand on my leg and calmed down a bit, but later he did it again. I kept saying no. And I got up and we talked about it and he said he'd stop and go as far as I wanted. But really, I want to wait. I know he likes doing dirty things, but I want to wait and see where we go in our relationship. I get the feeling he wants me for sex. I mean, we barely talk about sex, but still. He's very perverted and can't keep his hands off of me. I don't want our relationship to revolve around sex.
And something else: we've only been dating for a week or so, and he's already saying he loves me.
I still really like him but I don't know what else to do if he keeps being all over me like this. I want to stay with him. So how do I firmly tell him I don't want sex right now? (link)
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Run. Far and fast, but run like hell.
A week is nothing. Literally, nothing. You have one of two situations on your hands.
1) He wants nothing but sex, and is willing to say whatever he has to or do whatever he has to to get what he wants. In other words, a worthless douchebag and a user.
2) He is a child, he is not in control of his impulses and desires and has no idea how to behave like a decent human being and just does whatever he feels like hoping you'll be as into it as he constantly is.
Either way, you aren't going to get what you want out of this. This isn't solved by firmly having a talk with him. When you moved his hand away, you were sending him very clear signals. Signals he is unwilling or unable to listen to. Sure, when you're young its flattering to feel wanted.
It'll get old fast with guys like him, trust me.
The appropriate action here is dumping him, because he hasn't respected your wishes which you've made perfectly clear. This isn't a situation where you just need to express yourself better. This is a situation where he knows exactly how you feel and he either doesn't give a shit or is too much of a child to stop himself from doing what he knows he isn't allowed to.
The next step in not allowing him is to dump him and tell him why, so that hopefully he grows up for the next girl. A week isn't something you should miss.
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OK to start off I've worked with this girl for about four or five months now and we've just recently started full-on talking like a month and a half ago.
SO - We had been talking pretty intensively and I started to become interested in her, so I took the bold route and just came out and told her how I felt, her response was "I'm not really looking to DATE anyone right now because I had just ending things with my ex" Which is completely understandable and I told her I was ok with it because I didn't want to rush into anything either, and we've still been talking just as regularly ever since...
My question is, do you think there is a possibility she feels the same about me? (link)
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About a snowballs chance in hell. Maybe. Probably a little under that.
Now, I'm going to tear you apart a little. Sorry. But we can rebuild you. We can make you better, faster, smarter.
You probably fucked this up before you ever started talking. You certainly fucked it up by talking to her for a month and then "boldly announcing your interest" to her.
Lets take this from her probable perspective. The quiet guy at work warmed up a little bit and she thought you were nice to talk to until her work buddy started professing his noble intentions to court her which she was completely uninterested in, and now it's a little weird because she's pretty sure you didn't take the hint with your "well I don't want to rush into anything either" response so now she's dreading the next round of your advances.
I could spend the next hour typing out everything you need to know and don't about interpersonal chemistry, but what it comes down to is if you have to tell a girl you're interested you've fucked up.
Your body language and tone should tell her you're interested. They should tell her you're comfortable with who you are, where you are, and what you're doing. In order for that to happen, you have to actually be comfortable.
Talk to women. Learn to compliment them without coming off as goofy. Be friends with this chick and get to know her, if you get close enough you can ask her questions when you're trying to avoid making an ass out of yourself with other girls. Girls love giving guys romance advice to be used on other girls. Just ask any female who answers questions here.
Learn body language. Look girls in the eye when you speak to them, pay attention to their expressions and movements. Are they fidgeting, bored glazed eyes, are they interested and attentive? It takes time, but people wear their emotions on their faces and if you spend enough time seeing reactions you start to get a feel for whats really going on. Chemistry is about two people who feel attracted and express it to each other at the same time. It's about that electric feeling you get when you realize that someone you like likes you back.
Speeches don't do that. "I want to be your boyfriend here's a list of why I think you're awesome" doesn't do that. Well timed compliments, long conversations about topics of mutual interest, eye contact and flirting do that.
A month later telling a girl you like her...
When Chemistry happens girls don't walk away thinking about how sweet your expression of romantic sentiment was, they think about the look and the smile you gave them that sent their heart racing. This happens early, or not at all.
Everyone has to find their own way to do it. No one can tell you how to be yourself, but charming, confident, and/or sexy. But if you spend a bunch of time practicing and paying attention you'll figure it out like most other people.
When in doubt, ask friends for feedback. Those who know you can most easily tell you where you should improve when you can't figure it out. If you don't have any friends you trust to give you that feedback, go talk to alot more girls and get to know them as friends.
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My brother has met the love of his life, and they are talking about getting engaged- our families have already met, and he has talked to her parents about it. They are going to officially get engaged, i'm thinking within the next 2-3 months.
A couple months ago, our families met. I am very much attracted to her brother, who is going to be my future brother in-law. This is such an awkward/difficult situation for me to be in. I found myself attracted to him physically, personality-wise, etc., and it seemed like the attraction was possibly mutual, but then again, he's a really nice guy, and it could have meant nothing. Either way, I feel like there's nothing I can do about this.
We are both facebook friends, and i messaged him a couple times a couple months ago, to be nice and see if he would initiate anything (wishful thinking, on my part). But I haven't kept in touch with him since...I just keep on thinking about how I feel so attracted to him, and how he is going to be my brother in law before I know it. I don't know what to do about this...my brother knows how I feel about him, but we have not talked about it since I told him (a couple months back). I feel like I want to just get over this, since it is a very difficult situation to be in, but at the same time, I cannot help how I feel about him. Any thoughts on what I can or should do about this? (link)
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I really think this comes down to a question of "who gives a shit?"
Not implying that no one gives a shit, but rather that if you want to pursue this you should probably find out.
I'm an only child, so it's hard to know how I'd react, but I think that no matter what happened I'd be pretty pissed if I had a sister who started dating one of my wife's brothers. I really honestly can't explain why, but I think I'd probably have a pretty strong reaction to it. The same way, if I were single and had a sister I wouldn't date her fiance's sister, because I'd feel like a complete ass doing that to someone else and it would hang over the relationship constantly, and attraction isn't really worth that.
The posters below went in on the "you're not violating the incest taboo" angle but I'm coming more from something with a basis in being territorial. Imagine if the family gets along with one couple better than the other? Too much potential weirdness, too much potential drama, and that undefinable feeling of intrusion that resolves itself as "Get away, they're my in-laws!" and a desire not to have to carpool with a sibling to two Christmases.
It doesn't sound like you've got much more going on than an infatuation from a distance. You don't even have a mutual interest to work off of, just your own attraction. Is it really that hard to ignore something that will inevitably happen again because you want a guy you don't even really know?
Occupy yourself. Go date other people. Slap yourself upside the head if you catch yourself comparing any guy you date to the brother in law you don't know who will have a mythical perfection in your mind until you meet someone else who sets you off the right way again.
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Name key (fake names):
Me: Annabeth
Boyfriend: Jaysyn
I'm 16, a sophomore in high school. My boyfriend, Jaysyn, is a senior, 18. He's really sweet, and it didn't take me long to fall head over heels for him. I met him last year when I was a freshmen and he was a junior, and we started dating one month later. He was always very sweet and understanding about the whole sex thing: he wanted it, but every time I tried, I told him the truth--I'm no where near being ready for that, even if I might want it. Every time I said so, he was really sweet, saying he understood and wouldn't dream of making me do anything I wasn't ready to do. Lately, he's been going back on that promise. He's been getting kind of physical about it, too. Pushing me and shoving me and stuff; a couple of months ago we were at his house watching TV in his room because he gets free movies on his XBox through netflix, and he started kissing my neck and touching my leg and stuff. He was getting really touchy, and pushed his hand away and told me to stop, and he got really mad and he raised his hand as if he was going to hit me, but instead he just pushed me away from him, and I almost fell off the couch. I left when he did that and I went home. He called me five times an hour all night after that, and almost ten times the next day. Since then, he's been getting more violently, and touchy feely and rough, and when I deny him sex he gets really pissed. Last night I got up to leave and he grabbed my arm so hard I thought my wrist would break. Then he pushed me and I fell into the table--my knees are bruised. He called me a whore and a tease and told me I was being a bitch, and I left. This morning we had a date, and I didn't expect or want to go on the date after last night, but he showed up at my house right on time. I told him to go away and started to close the door, but he forced his way into the house and apologized for last night and got my oat from the closet and we went out and actually had a good time. He was really sweet, and he acted as though last night never happened. What do I do? (link)
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Cycle of Abuse
1) Building tension. Breakdown of communication, victim feels fearful and wants to placate and calm the abuser.
2) Incident. Physical or verbal abuse, violence, anger, blaming, argument, etc.
3) Reconciliation. Abuser feels or expresses guilt, seeks forgiveness, denies or minimizes abuse, or blames victim.
4) Calm. Honeymoon phase, abuse is forgotten, moved past, no abuse taking place.
5) Go to step 1.
That is pretty much exactly what you described. As having happened more than once.
http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/women/page5.htm
Get out. Get out now.
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I'm a 21 year old girl and i've never given a hj or done oral. I've hooked up with guys, but it's always them who get touchy feely and i never return the favor because i have ZERO clue what to do. I'm embarrassed to tell them that i've never done it, because i feel like i'm at the age that should have at least tried those things a few times. I'm sure there are guys who wouldn't care and who would walk me through it, but i keep thinking that i'm gonna end up getting the one who looks at me wierd and then things would be awkward...or if i didn't even mention i've never given a hj or bj, and it ended up going wrong, i would just die of embarrassment. So guys, i want your honest opionion please! What would you do? Do you even notice if the girl is a newbie at certain things or what?
(link)
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Echoing the below point about relationships.
Yeah, if you randomly hook up, try something, and are terrible at it it might get awkward. When I was in my "hook up" phase I was looking for girls who knew what they were doing, virgins to the back of the line, that sort of thing. Its not at all uncommon for guys who are just looking for sex to expect the girls they hook up with who are just looking for sex to know whats up and be somewhat experienced.
Relationships are different. They give you a base of affection, trust, and liking each other that you can build off of when other things go wrong. Instead of being awkward about things you can laugh together about whatever happens.
My wife knows whats up but we still have accidents. I got kneed in the head a few weeks ago. It makes the difference between laughing about it and turning on a movie until the mood comes back and the headache subsides or dressing awkwardly and fleeing the room. Lack of experience is even more easily overcome.
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Okay so my dad doesnt like my boyfriend I'm 16 and he's now 17. I've been dating and we have been together for almost 3years. The problem is my Mom put this restraining order against him and the restraining order is only for me and my two sisters.My boyfriend didnt do anything for the restraining order to be agianst him. I was 13 and he was 14 when we first met. Well recently my boyfriend got out of jail because of the restraining order and he wants to try talking to my dad, but I dont think thats a good idea. But I want to see what other people think. Would this be a good idea to meet and talk to my dad and possably see if we can be a couple with out sneaking around.If so where would he talk to my dad? Should I try talking to my dad about geting the restraing order off? How would I start off? (link)
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It's a bad idea that probably ends with him in jail.
Contrary to Rahzie's experience, I know that severely overprotective helicopter parents can and have taken restraining orders out on guys for no other reason than "stay away from my little girl you worthless asshole" style prejudices. And going to jail for violating it isn't all that unimaginable when you're dealing with teenagers.
I don't know what else you can do about it. You're still a minor, I don't know that you could get the order lifted yourself. Talking to parents willing to take one out isn't likely to do much for you either.
Why were your sisters included? Is there some motivation behind the order besides overprotective parenting? I could see it going either way at this point, you ought to clarify that part of the story.
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20 female.
So every one tells me that i still look really pretty without make-up. I won't lie i will go out in public without make-up and it doesn't bother me. I do usually wear make-up when I go outbut I'm not like some girls where they have to always have make-up on. Usually when I'm around guys, and its night time or something I'll take a shower and so I'll have no make-up on and my hair will be all gross haha (my hair is kind of wavy, but not cute when i leave it naturally) My best friend that i'm always with freaks out whenever a guy might have to see her without make-up and I don't see it as a big deal. Sometimes I feel less pretty around her because I won't have any make-up after a shower and she will be all done up still though.
For instance. Last weekend we were at a hotel and four of our guys friends stayed with us in the same room. I just had to take a shower because I always do at night so I don't feel gross. So i had no make-up on and my hair not done. I guess I didn't really care. But my friend got in the shower and just washed her body off and didn't get her hair wet and didn't take her make-up off.
I guess my question is, do guys really care if a girl doesn't ALWAYS have her make-up on? I asked one of my guy friends that night at the hotel if i looked different without make-up because people tell me i don't look that different and he said "no, but that's a good thing!" i don't want to be walking around sometimes without make-up with me thinking it's not a big deal and guys are thinking "oh gross, whats she doing"
Any comments are welcomed thanks! (link)
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The real answer to your question is, if you don't like wearing make up all the time date guys who still think you're hot with it off.
My wife can go without makeup and I really don't care. I prefer less makeup over more, subtle highlighting rather than face painting and vivid eyelids that look like the carapace of some kind of African beetle.
Some guys do indeed like a more "done up" look.
But really, we kind of just have a switch. "On" "Off", "Hot" "Not", "Hard" "Flaccid", etc. The only real trick is figuring out where a particular guy's arbitrary line is and figuring out if you can stay on the "attractive" side of it without excessive efforts you wouldn't already put yourself through because of your own preferences for your appearance.
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im 18/f hes 19/m
so me and my bestfriend kissed the other night, i have massive feelings for him, i dont know how he feels about me though...We've talked about wanting to kiss each other for a while, but he said he wants to take the risk but hes afraid...anywho, we were talking outside and just as i was about to leave he said "i owe you this" and kissed me so sweetly, i was shocked.
that was a week ago, i thought he atleast remembered kissing me until tonight he confessed he remembers seeing my face and the rest is blank. He also said his friends told him he kissed his friend. and he was going on worried that i saw it happen etc etc. i didnt see him kiss this other girl. Then he started to get worried about what i wouldnt tell him, so i flat out told him that he kissed me that night too. he texted back "-____-" and i knew then that he obviously regrets it.. i mean he regretted it with his other friend...anyways we were texting apologizing to each other about it. then he sends me this text
"totes facepalming. it wasnt suposed to happen yet >.< " then he told me to ignore that text, and then i get another text from him saying "ill tell you what i mean by it one day". now im extremely confused. thoughts?
(link)
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I think he's backpedaling.
He's into you, but he thinks you're not really into him. You didn't act happy about the kiss, and the other friend thing makes it more awkward, and he doesn't remember it so he has no idea whats going on in your head at this point, but he assumes it's bad and the apologizing probably confirmed it for him.
I agree with Rahzie on the attempt to remain mysterious part. "it wasn't supposed to happen yet" is basically telling you that he's been thinking about it alot, and "I'll tell you what I mean by it one day" is a pretty blatant appeal to your curiosity.
He wants to talk about it and has no idea how to start that conversation, so he's trying to entice you to start it for him, or at least give him a receptive opening.
I favor dramatic approaches, mostly because shocked expressions are priceless. You could just walk up to him, kiss him, and tell him he owes you one again and walk off.
Or you could just talk to him. Risk a little honesty, send him a message that says "I didn't picture it like that either, maybe we should try to get it right this time" or something similarly blatant.
Bottom line, you're both wondering how the other person feels. If you both keep trying to feel each other out you might end up losing interest before you both figure it out. Be a little obvious, see what comes of it. Now that the question's in the air do you really want to spend weeks or months or god forbid years waiting to have it answered?
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I am fifteen. My mom recently found out I am dating again. Due to past relationships that broke off badly and left me in a horrible depression, I have been not allowed to date. But my mom didn't seem upset or angry at all when she told me she found out. I want to talk to her and tell her she can trust me not to make all the bad decisions of sex again and tell her I know what I am getting into. I'm afraid she's bluffing so I will spill the beans faster.
Is she bluffing or should I talk to her? (link)
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If you don't know you should find out. In an idyllic world your mother would understand the effort you put into honesty and would try to communicate with you and would appreciate you keeping her involved in the decisions you are making in life.
Maybe that'll happen. Maybe it won't. At least you'll know if you want to have these conversations in the future.
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Okay so I have a bf, and we have been going out for 2 months. And I have a guy friend that asked me to give him a picture of me in my bra, should I? (link)
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Any nude or partially nude photos you give to someone you aren't married too should be expected to be viewed by a minimum of 10 and a maximum of about 50 million people you'd never want to see them.
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So I'm sixteen, a girl, and I'm 5'4, 105 pounds. I've accepted that I'm small. I'm not really that strong either. My legs are well defined, and have always been fine. My arms... yeah. Not so much. Pretty much pathetic. My boyfriend is convinced that if I were ever to be in a situation where I need to defend myself, that I would basicallly be helpless. Just cause I'm not strong. But that's not true! I took loooots of classes, so I know a lot of self defense teqniques. If someone were to grab me or something, I could probably get out of a hold fairly well. I'm also very good at squirming! Haha. But seriously. It's a little condescending to me that he thinks so little of my ability to protect myself. It's not that he goes around telling me how weak I am, but... he almost is! He gets worried easily. He expresses his worries about how "breakable" or "vulnurable" I am. And he's not compleeeetely far off... I was attacked about a year ago, and it freaked us both out pretty bad. Nothing too horrible, just grabbed, pulled off into a room, but someone came to help me before the guy could anything more than my shorts off. My boyfriend is very protective now. It doens't necessarily bother me, but I wish I could just show him that he doesn't need to worry so much. I took those classes because of what happened a year ago, and I feel pretty confident in what I can do. I just wish he would feel the same way. Just cause I'm small, doesn't make me helpless right?? (link)
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I'm 6'2 and played offensive line in high school. My wife is 5'1 and trained years longer in martial arts than I did at an older age.
She is utterly and completely helpless before me.
Self defense classes are...basically worthless. Almost harmful in the false sense of security they can provide for the tiny protective benefit they offer. The biggest problem is that you "know" your holds. They give you ideas which you will have to think about and implement in the middle of a situation where thinking is incredibly difficult.
At your size I could literally throw you over my shoulder and walk away with you, and there would be pretty much nothing you could do about it short of being able to hit me in a genuinely disabling way which would involve martial arts or military training.
That's a situation where you'd have a good amount of freedom of movement. Put yourself on the ground instead, where after you get out of an attackers grip you have to get out from under them and back on your feet before they can grab you again to be safe. Or in a confined area where you can't just break their grip and run like hell. Or in an isolated area where they can give chase.
It's not all that condescending. You are small compared to the average guy, you are weaker than the average guy, and you haven't been given anything like real effective hand to hand training which would allow you to disable an attacker long enough or thoroughly enough to ensure you can get away unimpeded.
You want to be 5'1 and tough, look into Aikido or Jujutsu. Learn how to break joints with a minimum of effort and force.
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This may be long... I'm 20. My boyfriend is 24. We've dated for about 3 years. He's done the college thing and has graduated. I've been at a local college so we've been able to stay together...but in a few months I'll be going away for my other 2 years of college. We've discussed the fact that it will be best that we break up when I go away. He doesn't want me to miss out on the college experience and being single, and honestly I don't either. But we agreed on staying together until then through the summer.
Last night he broke up with me. It was completely unexpected. This sounds selfish, but I thought that if anyone would bring up breaking up it would be me. It took a lot for him to do it and I know how much it hurt him. Bacially he feels like we have this huge heavy cloud over us (the fact that I'm going away and we'll be broken up) and he can't handle being with me and pretending like hes okay with it. He told me he doesn't want to break up and he loves me, but he feels this is the right thing to do. I can't say I don't agree with him. I'm not bitter towards him at all. I really want him to be happy. But I'm left completely heartbroken.
Anyways, he has always said it is a possibility that we may end up together in a year or two, but he wouldn't want to date again until I'm done with college. He feels that I will "learn a lot about myself" during that time, and will grow from it. He still feels this way, and he says he doesn't want to completely stop talking or completely stop seeing each other.
That said, I'm expecting to have fun in college and meet guys and maybe even date once I am over this. I would like to think that he and I could end up together in the end, if that's what we both want, so I don't want to completely cut communication ties. I will be coming home for holidays and stuff because my college is only a few hours away from home.
So, my question is, should I see him when I come home? Would that just make it harder on us? I feel that since we're breaking up now we will both be over it (well, somewhat over it) by that time anyways. I really don't want to never see him again. We had a really good thing going and we both knew it. The only reason we're breaking up is because of the college thing... and I know we're going to miss each other. Any sort of advice/experience would be extremely helpful. Sorry for the length... thanks so much!
(link)
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I think you two need your heads examined.
The only possible logical reason to break up is to assume that fucking a large number of people is supposed to be an integral part of "the college experience". I mean, for me it was all about school, friends, and constant unceasing intoxication.
I guess I just don't get it. The fun of sloppily making out with someone you don't know who tastes like cigarettes and cheap beer. Waking up next to someone and wondering if last night was the best idea you've ever had.
You can get blackout drunk, party, dance, break stuff, and go out with friends. You can bring the boyfriend over when you get a chance and do these things with him.
The crux of the matter is sex. Unless he's overly jealous and controlling (not outside the realms of possibility) I can't see any other genuine reason why you'd have to break up, anything specific you'd miss out on by dating him.
The worst part, to me, is the extremely high likelyhood that the next guy is going to have to be a substitute. You're both still in love. You're going to be looking for a replacement, not something new because the last guy/girl didn't work out. You're going to look, consciously or unconsciously, for someone to fill the roles you like and are comfy with.
How long do you think you'll be thrilled with going to parties and waking up in strange beds?
Will you be thrilled by the above at all?
You've already ended up in one fairly involved relationship. Is breaking up worth spending six months realizing that you'd really rather have one guy who makes you happy one a regular basis than ten other guys who haven't figured out how yet?
What do you think you'll think about this decision if you realize three months of bad drunken sex in that you want the stability of a fairly intimate love back and that your possibilities with this guy are probably over now that you've slept with a few new people and he probably hasn't?
If it doesn't work for you, it's fine to walk away. You're not walking away from something that doesn't work, you're walking away because you've heard other people say that you have to be single to really enjoy the college experience.
The only people who say this are the ones who were either single all through college (and thus have no other perspective to offer or to compare to theirs to say what's "better") or people who had a really, really bad relationship in college that fucked everything else it touched up, and then got out of it and discovered that being single is alot better than being with a worthless human being. While still in college.
Last, a mathematical argument against your ideas.
The average 20 year old woman wants to have x amount of enjoyable sex over a given period of time. The total amount of time she has available to her is y. With a boyfriend to spend time with (b) she loses y-(x+b) of her available time over the mentioned given period and has the rest free to pursue entirely non sexual pursuits.
If the woman is single, she also has to contend with bad sex (s), bad dates (d), looking for people who might be datable (m), and striking out and going home alone (a)
Thus the equation for time spent on sex over a given period becomes y-(x+s+d+m+a).
It becomes obvious that you will spend a much more significant amount of time attempting to achieve a reasonable amount of enjoyable sex if you break up and become single. You could have been doing almost anything with that time, including having more of that enjoyable sex.
Efficient sex is the best sex.
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is it legal for a 18 year old to date a 15 yeard old (link)
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Dating and sex are two different things. Yes, it is entirely legal for an 18 year old to date a 15 year old. Google your country or state's name followed by "age of consent" and you can figure out the rest.
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I'm 23 years old. I've been looking for work for months now after leaving school due to medical issues in October. I finally got an interview, but I've run into a problem. I don't have references. Here's why:
Last job: Had a legal battle with the owners of the company. They were chronically disorganized and claimed to have paid me for my last month of work when they hadn't. I had to hire a lawyer to get them to pay me, and even then they refused to give me the overtime they owed me. So I didn't leave on the best of terms with them.
Previous job: Another small, family-owned business. The owner, I was warned, gives terrible references because she wants you to keep coming back to work for her. I can't rely on her for a good reference.
Before that: Nobody I worked with is still there.
I haven't done volunteer work in ages, I haven't done... well, much of anything over the last year other than school, and I didn't have any sort of relationship with my teachers where I could ask them for a reference.
What do I do? Is it strange to bring just character references? My interview is on Wednesday morning. (link)
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Of course you've done volunteer work. You did some last weekend. You've even got a story about it, if they seem interested. You don't need to tell them "I haven't done it in ages" you just need to tell them "I enjoy doing this and here's why [anecdote]"
Job interviews are about convincing someone that you can do the job and that you can put the public face they require on for the duration of business hours.
Businesses want you to be able to lie. When you hate your boss, you have to be able to pretend that you don't. When you're bored, you have to be able to seem like you're not. When you get in a legal battle with the owners of a company, you have to seem like you worked somewhere else and none of those things ever happened to you.
Cut out the bad, take the good, and fill in the blanks with whatever you think they want to hear. Just make sure you have an answer and a story for every question they might ask you about what you decide to use to fill in those blanks.
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i heard that you can sign up online and get a pen pal who's in the miliary to write too and email and stuff. do they still do that? where do i sign up? i've tried looking online, but i couldnt find any websites. (link)
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Honest truth, most soldiers I know spend all their communicating time (often not much) focusing on their families and close friends.
If you want to help a soldier, google "US soldier care package" or something similar and send things they need down there. A few packs of AA batteries go a long way.
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So let's say I smoke weed/barely a whole cigarette every 3-4 months. Let's also say I sing, and practice it religiously. After I do smoke I go on a regime-healing rampage (voice exercises everyday, jogging, tons of water and tea, --I'm going to start doing this all the time as well) I also play clarinet(which builds strength in the voice). So in the long run, since I'm doing this in moderation (meaning, I'm really limiting myself and constantly making sure my voice get's better after I do smoke) Is it okay to smoke every once in awhile? I'm 18, enjoy occasional partying and wouldn't get into any other drugs nor buy any on my own. Thankyou! (link)
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Ignore everyone below.
As often as you're talking about, there's likely about zero damage. Maybe you cough and your throat roughens up for a day afterwards.
Based off of anecdotal evidence, but also based on the consensus of a large amount of anecdotal evidence.
That's purely based on the fact that you're smoking something. Think about a sandblaster. Air and high speed particles that can scour paint off concrete. When you smoke, you inhale tiny particles of burnt plant matter. Carbon (what eventually turns into diamond) and other byproducts which are harder than the surface of your throat and thus capable of scratching it.
When you smoke, it's a light sandblasting. But your throat is not paint on concrete. It heals. As little as you do it, I suspect that coughing heavily would be worse for your throat than the actual smoking.
So far as backing that up, there are years and years worth of lab study on marijuana and I doubt a single one significantly investigated the long term effects on singing in low quantities.
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So, this is my first uni assignment and I was just wondering if this is good English.
".. The number of times she interrupted me was astonishing. Having someone interrupt you was annoying enough, but having someone assume what you were to say was irritating, rude and unbearable."
My question is, does ".. what you WERE TO SAY" make sense? Is that good English? Does it even make sense? It sounds academic to me, but it doesn't sound so right. So, I just wanted to run it past this family! :)
Thank you in advance! (link)
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The first statement is personal. She interrupted "me". The second statement is impersonal "interrupting you is annoying"
"Having someone interrupt me was" would be both subject agreement in your thoughts and past tense agreement with "interrupted" and "was"
This also fits in well with "having someone assume they knew what you were going to say" which is a good correction to what you actually asked.
It sounds to me as if this is part of the story. So you might want to consider making the entire thing about you and her, and not the audience and someone else.
So. "Having someone interrupt me was annoying enough, but having her assume she knew what I was going to say was irritating, rude, and unbearable.
Last, if you would like to emphasize the experience with your personal feelings you can insert an adverb to alter assume.
Lets use "Condescendingly"
So as I would restructure that entire thing, "Having someone interrupt me was annoying enough, but having her condescendingly assume she knew what I was going to say was irritating, rude, and unbearable"
:Edit:
Beaten like an inflatable clown at the local kiddie pool.
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I am a 17 year old Female, me and my boyfriend have been together from september 2007.... since december 2008 we have been having sex and from about Jan. or Feb. 2009 weve been having unprotected Sex.. and still now.. I do not want a child at my age.. i don't want to get pregnant but its like an addiction and no matter how much we worry about getting pregnant we still do it. i do not want to get pregnant and i don't want to bring a child into this world without proper care which i cannot provide at the time. but it bothers me that people out there get pregnant from a rip in the condom and i use no protection at all and i let him cum in me and i don't get pregnant... its not that i want to get pregnant, its just that i want to one day.. and i feel like i will never be able to.. i thought about it and figured out that that he's a heavy smoker and that might be why, don't worry he's of age and he's only a year older than me he's 19 and i'm going to turn 18 at the end of the year. but anyways its too early to go to the doctor to check because i'm still in high school but i'm always worrying..... has this happened to anybody before? what happened to you? and what suggestions do you have for me.
thank you
-Pearl101 (link)
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Some people it happens on the first time, some people it takes eight months of regimented effort to hit the fertile cycles.
We only emphasize the first part because teens are liable to take "it might take six months" as permission to do the stupid shit that results in "it happened the first time".
Stop. Unless you are infertile you WILL get pregnant. If you really want to find out ask your gyno.
I'm married. My wife and I are both ready for children in pretty much every way except the "I can pay for a kid's food" kinda way. Unprotected sex holds a tremendous appeal for a variety of reasons.
It wouldn't be any better of a situation for us than it would be for you. We don't have a support structure that would let us have an accident and just go with it. We have to be extremely careful even in the face of a strong desire to throw caution to the wind.
You're not a child anymore. Control yourselves. Get on birth control, and until you've been on birth control for a month use both condoms and spermicide, they're on the same aisle, try VCF.
It should not bother you that others get knocked up easier. Yeah, some women are more functionally fertile. I'm sure there's someone here who can tell you the science behind how that works and why. Tempting fate is not the right way to work out your worries about being able to have kids.
"I'm in high school so I can't see a doctor so I'll just get myself knocked up instead!"
Evaluate that statement like one of your friends were making it to you. How stupid would your friend sound? Get on birth control before you do exactly what you're worried you can't. Infertility is rare, it's more likely him than you from what I know of the various causes, and it's entirely possible that if you stop being an idiot long enough to build a life for yourself that you'll be able to have all the kids you want with a little help from those doctors you're apparently too young to look into right now.
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Hello,
I very rarely contribute to this site, although find it to be very beneficial and I'm glad it's around. I've had some questions answered through other posters, so I often lurk, I just very rarely contribute.
That being said, I'm seeking some advice.. I'm good friends this this girl from a town nearby. She attends public school, while I'm homeschooled. This limits us from seeing one another very often, although we talk very often online and fairly often on the telephone. Currently, we're not seeing each other in person, but every few months. This will change if this relationship ever develops into something more.
The girl is currently dating a guy and their relationship appears to be fairly decent. I've gotten some vibes from her that seem to imply she has an interest in me. She tells me she loves me (which is something I am hesitant in saying in return, as the young age of 15, I feel love is a hard thing to understand) and she's also sent me some photos of herself that her boyfriend would probably not appreciate. Now why that generally would indicate she's a wee bit on the skanky side, that's not the case, she's just a girl that trusts me, as we've been real close friends for a long time.
That said, I really want to see our relationship move on, but is it worth it? I suppose my real question is, what to do? Part of me wants to pursue this further, since she's implied she likes me, but another part of me makes me hesitant, as if she is in a relationship now and liking another guy, I could very well end up being cheated one if I were to pursue this.
I'm a real selective guy (I know that sounds contradictory, a hormonal teenager being selective), but I have standards and she is really a wonderful girl. I just think she's maybe a little confused, I certainly don't want to think that she is interested in me and wants to have me around on the side, along with her boyfriend.
Thanks in Advance,
Chase, 15/M (link)
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It's not cheating if she breaks up with him and dates you.
Are there risks? Yeah. Could she say she break up with him and keep you secret from each other while continuing to see both of you? Yeah. Could you get your heart broken? Yeah.
Everyone's hearts get broken. At 15, the chances that you will stay together till death do you part is really pretty small regardless. There's a pretty good chance that one of your hearts will get broken if you date even if the cause of the breaking has nothing at all to do with everything you fear right now.
I'd say be direct. "I like you too, but I have no intentions of sharing you with anyone or being 'the other guy'" or something of that flavor.
If you don't fall down you never learn to get back up. You're 15, no offense or anything, but you really don't have that much to lose.
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I am a fifteen year old girl living in Hell. My parents fight constantly. Over the dumbest shit ever. I am smited and cursed at and beat because I can't do a lot of things the way my parents want because I have never learned. For instance, today, my stepdad strangled me because I walked away when he was telling me to go get something. My mom pulled me by my hair because I accidentally got the house wet with the hose when I was cleaning out the cat box. They treat me like shit. My mom tells me I'm ugly and she gets very angry because I am quiet and I am a little bit difficult at learning things. She complains that I can't do anything right. It makes me feel like I will never ever amount to anything at all. When I try to be what they want, I can't do it right. When I want to be who I am, they treat me like shit. They don't listen to what I have to say, they think I am a complete failure, and nothing I ever do is ever perfect for them. Somedays I just feel like killing myself, or running away, or even calling child services. My life is off and on happiness. I was happy and now I am getting depressed. They expect so much out of me when I don't know what they want. I need help. I don't know what to do anymore. They threaten me and my sister, and they abuse us when we don't say or do the right thing. We are sick of it. My sister is 9.
Anything will help us. I just need some guidance. (link)
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Start planning your escape.
Step 1 is researching emancipation. Find out when and how you can get yourself emancipated. Emancipation, if you don't know, essentially declares you an adult and removes your family's responsibility for you and control over you. Everything else comes from achieving that. Google it.
With emancipation you can receive federal student aid for college with no trouble or interference from your family, get yourself some kind of education, and start working on building something separate from them.
Calling CPS and explaining the situation in detail might be one way of getting yourself emancipated. I am wary of suggesting this because what I know of foster homes, especially foster homes for teenaged girls, is pretty much all bad. Is there a cutoff in your state? Could you call CPS at 17 and a half if nothing else works and get yourself emancipated? Things you need to find out about. You might need to talk to a lawyer, so look up local family law attorneys and see if any of them will give you a cheap consultation or some good pro bono legal advice.
You might be able to get your family to cooperate. Wary of suggesting this too, as it gives them something to hold over your head. Don't bring it up to them unless you've got a contingency plan in place in case they refuse or worse, try to sabotage your ability to win your freedom.
College funding will make all the difference. Look into 2 year specialty degrees. Nursing, xrays, medical billing and coding, PTA, these are what come to mind but anything that gives you a high income potential after a 2 year training course at a technical college would work.
Once you get in school, get a part time job. 2 reasons. 1, you'll probably need the extra income; 2, you provide yourself an opportunity to meet friends. Possibly friends who might need a room mate. Sharing costs saves money, which will make the whole thing easier.
You get out, you get school asap, you develop school quickly into a stable job that you can easily live off of. Then you start looking at the future and where you want to go from there. Family, more school for a better career, promotion in your field if you like what you're doing, etc.
This is alot of long term thinking to dump on a 15 year old. I know what you're going through. Having a plan, goals for the future that lay beyond the current undesirable state of my life was what got me through the down times.
There is a window here, between now and 18, where you can cut yourself off from your family and be rewarded with loans and grants for college. Call technical colleges. Look them up online. Find something you think you could do and enjoy to give yourself some stability and ability to pay your way in the world. Plan beyond that and figure out where you want that stability to let you go.
Above all, emancipation. If you don't you'll have to wait until 24, married, or a veteran to get access to funding for school.
Start thinking ahead. Believe that there's a road out of hell. Make it for yourself. And figure it out quietly, the fewer people who know about the future you're trying to build for yourself, the easier it will be to get out of that house with said future intact.
On the emotional side of things, start with talking to a school counselor. A plan won't stop you from feeling like crap when you're treated badly, when you've got a few bruises or welts. That needs planning too.
Talk to a school counselor. See if you can at least talk to one of them and just have someone to listen to you and be understanding. See if they can help you speak to someone else, a therapist perhaps.
At 15, the concept of taking control of your life is a little hard to quantify. There's alot that's still out of your control. Taking control right now means building a little mental fort around yourself and the future you want. Protecting it. Nurturing it. Refusing to let anyone else step on it, no matter how hard they try.
Take control. Your family is an obstacle. Nothing more. Hold that truth close, keep it private and let it keep you strong. Play along until the opportunity to get out that you engineer for yourself comes along. Leave on your own terms, for your own reasons, and with your own timing.
After that, the only two things left to do are enjoy every bit of life you can, and save money for an excellent psychiatrist.
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