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Getting some vibes... form a girl that already has a boyfriend, but is sending me pics and stuff.
Hello,
I very rarely contribute to this site, although find it to be very beneficial and I'm glad it's around. I've had some questions answered through other posters, so I often lurk, I just very rarely contribute.
That being said, I'm seeking some advice.. I'm good friends this this girl from a town nearby. She attends public school, while I'm homeschooled. This limits us from seeing one another very often, although we talk very often online and fairly often on the telephone. Currently, we're not seeing each other in person, but every few months. This will change if this relationship ever develops into something more.
The girl is currently dating a guy and their relationship appears to be fairly decent. I've gotten some vibes from her that seem to imply she has an interest in me. She tells me she loves me (which is something I am hesitant in saying in return, as the young age of 15, I feel love is a hard thing to understand) and she's also sent me some photos of herself that her boyfriend would probably not appreciate. Now why that generally would indicate she's a wee bit on the skanky side, that's not the case, she's just a girl that trusts me, as we've been real close friends for a long time.
That said, I really want to see our relationship move on, but is it worth it? I suppose my real question is, what to do? Part of me wants to pursue this further, since she's implied she likes me, but another part of me makes me hesitant, as if she is in a relationship now and liking another guy, I could very well end up being cheated one if I were to pursue this.
I'm a real selective guy (I know that sounds contradictory, a hormonal teenager being selective), but I have standards and she is really a wonderful girl. I just think she's maybe a little confused, I certainly don't want to think that she is interested in me and wants to have me around on the side, along with her boyfriend.
Thanks in Advance,
Chase, 15/M
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I say go for it, but keep it above board. She's got a boyfriend - that's not the same as being married. She's as available to date someone else as she chooses to be; she can opt to end her current relationship at any time.
I suspect that she's waiting for you to show interest in taking things to the next level. She does seem to be giving you signals. My guess is that she wants to see how you respond before she breaks up with her current guy. If you don't respond, that way she still has a boyfriend. If you DO respond, then she's hoping she'll also still have a boyfriend, but it'll be you instead of him.
That's just my guess, though. Only you can find out if it's the right guess.
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It's not cheating if she breaks up with him and dates you.
Are there risks? Yeah. Could she say she break up with him and keep you secret from each other while continuing to see both of you? Yeah. Could you get your heart broken? Yeah.
Everyone's hearts get broken. At 15, the chances that you will stay together till death do you part is really pretty small regardless. There's a pretty good chance that one of your hearts will get broken if you date even if the cause of the breaking has nothing at all to do with everything you fear right now.
I'd say be direct. "I like you too, but I have no intentions of sharing you with anyone or being 'the other guy'" or something of that flavor.
If you don't fall down you never learn to get back up. You're 15, no offense or anything, but you really don't have that much to lose.
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well have you ever asked her why she is sending you these signals and why she tells you that she loves you if she has a boyfriend? you should ask her that and if she really wanted to be with you she would have left her boyfriend she's just toying with you, because you're homeschooled she has an advantage and thinks that she can play with you and other boys at her school because you wont be there to watch her constantly this girl sounds like trouble and she obviously has no respect for herself so forget her sweety or remain friends with her but don't take it any further than that because you'll just end up getting hurt
best of luck
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Ok so from what i understand. You want to work this out as discrete and non-violent as possible right? Well two things to consider: 1. You can pursue this opportunity to be with her or 2. You can just stay friends. Personally i'd stay friends with her. Even though she may trust you the fact that she's a bit on the "skanky" side may suggest that over time that part of her may act up. But trust me. Its better to keep a friendship with someone than it is to lose that friendship over love. Love is a widely misinterpreted concept. However, if you want to get with her then you need to make sure it will work out. I'm saying to think of every possible thing that can happen based on how both of you are with each other. If you get a good feel out of it then i'd say go for it.
Thats about all i can advise. Be careful and good luck.
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