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I like my future brother-in-law :-/
My brother has met the love of his life, and they are talking about getting engaged- our families have already met, and he has talked to her parents about it. They are going to officially get engaged, i'm thinking within the next 2-3 months.
A couple months ago, our families met. I am very much attracted to her brother, who is going to be my future brother in-law. This is such an awkward/difficult situation for me to be in. I found myself attracted to him physically, personality-wise, etc., and it seemed like the attraction was possibly mutual, but then again, he's a really nice guy, and it could have meant nothing. Either way, I feel like there's nothing I can do about this.
We are both facebook friends, and i messaged him a couple times a couple months ago, to be nice and see if he would initiate anything (wishful thinking, on my part). But I haven't kept in touch with him since...I just keep on thinking about how I feel so attracted to him, and how he is going to be my brother in law before I know it. I don't know what to do about this...my brother knows how I feel about him, but we have not talked about it since I told him (a couple months back). I feel like I want to just get over this, since it is a very difficult situation to be in, but at the same time, I cannot help how I feel about him. Any thoughts on what I can or should do about this?
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I really think this comes down to a question of "who gives a shit?"
Not implying that no one gives a shit, but rather that if you want to pursue this you should probably find out.
I'm an only child, so it's hard to know how I'd react, but I think that no matter what happened I'd be pretty pissed if I had a sister who started dating one of my wife's brothers. I really honestly can't explain why, but I think I'd probably have a pretty strong reaction to it. The same way, if I were single and had a sister I wouldn't date her fiance's sister, because I'd feel like a complete ass doing that to someone else and it would hang over the relationship constantly, and attraction isn't really worth that.
The posters below went in on the "you're not violating the incest taboo" angle but I'm coming more from something with a basis in being territorial. Imagine if the family gets along with one couple better than the other? Too much potential weirdness, too much potential drama, and that undefinable feeling of intrusion that resolves itself as "Get away, they're my in-laws!" and a desire not to have to carpool with a sibling to two Christmases.
It doesn't sound like you've got much more going on than an infatuation from a distance. You don't even have a mutual interest to work off of, just your own attraction. Is it really that hard to ignore something that will inevitably happen again because you want a guy you don't even really know?
Occupy yourself. Go date other people. Slap yourself upside the head if you catch yourself comparing any guy you date to the brother in law you don't know who will have a mythical perfection in your mind until you meet someone else who sets you off the right way again.
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Brother-in-law is not the same thing as a brother, half-brother, or even a stepbrother. I know plenty of people who have married their "in-laws"... this guy isn't related to you in any way. He will be you sisters BIL, not yours. So don't think about that. Its not an issue.
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Hi Hunni,
I understand it may seem like a hopeless situation but the key words are 'Brother-in-Law' and he will be your brother's brother-in-law not yours. Relationships between siblings who are blood relations is wrong, not relationships between those related by marriage. So if you like this guy, tell him how you feel, if he doesn't feel the same way you will have to try move past this and not let it affect your family, but there is the possibility that he does return your feelings.
Either way, you should talk to him, at the very least to avoid any awkwardness at the wedding.
Good luck and I hope it works out for you.
Regards C-77
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