Hi, my name is Charlotte, and I'm a 25 year old, college graduate. I really enjoy helping people out with anything I can because I know we've all got questions that need answers! I'm available anytime for your questions, and if you need any other kind of help, pick-me-ups or just a little understanding, I have a blog:
http://shrinkingmentals.blogspot.com/
Check it out or direct your questions to me and I'll do my best to help shed a lil light!
-Charlotte
Website: Therapy For Free: Because Shrinks Cost Too Much
E-mail: such.sweet.decorum@gmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: The United States of America
Age: 25
Member Since: December 17, 2009
Answers: 44
Last Update: January 12, 2010
Visitors: 3792
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I’ve been really close friends with this man for several years. We run in the same circle (of friends) and have the same passion for the arts. During the past few years, I’ve expressed my feelings to him, which are more than just friends. His answer is always…I love you, with no further detail. I’ve asked on several occasions, Love me how? As a friend, like a sister? How? He clams up~ No answers.
A few months ago, we were talking on the phone and he blurted out, “I love you, I really really do.” Then hangs up the phone. What am I suppose to do with that? Again, what does it mean. I blow up…..I ask him, what does it mean, no answer. I proceed to ask him to stop screwing with my head. If he is going to be my friend, then be my friend.
And if he could express what his love means, then stop saying it.
Nonetheless, he continues to express that he truly does love me and we are friends. We don't speak for months. He deleted me off his friend's list. I recently attended an event and found out he was there, but left when he saw me. (We run in the circle of friends, so it is inevitable that we will see each other again).
I don't get it...why am I being treated this way....What did I do wrong? What could his reason be for avoiding me? (link)
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Although I do not know the nature of your friendship or what kind of a person he is, we can try and figure this out with what we've got.
First, you were friends. Then you expressed that you would like to be more than friends. He answered that he loved you and that was it. Several more attempts to extract information to broaden his meaning have failed, and now you are a little confused and maybe even a little irritated at how he is handling it.
Obviously he does not want to express any further his intentions or thoughts on this manner. What you need to ask yourself is are you alright with being led on and being in the dark? You have stated that you are friends still and he truly loves you, but you also say right afterwards that you haven't spoken for months and he deleted you off his friends list. If anything, he has closed the door on the situation and even if you do not know what he really meant by saying "I love you", then I would make an educated guess that it's over and done with. My advice would be to find someone else who knows how they feel about you and are willing to tell you just that. If he really cares for you, he will put an end to your suffering. If he does not, the best thing for you would probably be to continue being pleasant and polite (since you run in the same groups of friends) but don't pursue this relationship. It doesn't seem to be going anywhere, unfortunately.
It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, but he probably did not feel the same way you did which is why he has started avoiding you. If he did, you would be together. He is probably not a very confident person if he cannot express his true feelings. If he wanted to just be friends, he should have said so. If he wanted to date you, he should have said so.
My advice is to find someone more sure of themselves in what they want and how they feel about you. If this man really wants you, he will find the error of his ways and be sure to let you know what his intentions are. Otherwise, I think it's best to move on.
I hope this helps a bit, and hope everything works out!
-Charlotte
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What does I'm Nobody! Who are you? by Emily Dickinson mean. tha last 2 lines confuse me (link)
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This little poem is about being an outsider. She states that she's a nobody because no one notices her, and yet she notices you and asks if you are also a nobody.
She is glad that you and she have found each other because she did not want to make her presence known.
The last few lines say that she would not like it if she had to be in the public's eye constantly, like a frog. When one goes to a bog (or a marsh, in other words) they always hear frogs croaking. You know a frog because you can hear it. She does not want to go about life like this.
Hope that helps!
-Charlotte
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17/female
i've been going out with a guy for a little over a year. were best friends and have an amazing relationship. the only problem that i have though is that his mom is really overprotective. i haven't seen his room..ever and he has a relatively early curfew. it's frustrating for me because i hate to see her treat him like he's in 5th grade. she's really nice to me and loves having me around, but i think what she does is ridiculous. what should i do?! (link)
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Every mother is different in her approach to parenting her child, but most every mother has the same intention and that is to look out for her child's best interest.
Some mothers are just more protective of their children. You must respect it, even if you don't agree with it. She may be keeping you out of his room to prevent him from getting into certain situations that he may or may not have the foresight for the future for.
If you want to have more freedom with him, keep proving that you are an adult and respect her boundaries, but also, be pleasant. You don't want to become in the middle of him and his mother, which is not a smart place for a girlfriend to be.
He will decide when enough is enough and that is between him and his mother. You would do best to remain pleasant to all and try to work with what is going on.
The bottom line is, he will not always be in her house forever and when he is on his own you will have more of a chance to test the waters, but until then, respect the boundaries and respect his mother, even if you don't agree.
Hope that helps, and it all works out!
-Charlotte
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what does this quote mean?
There were moments when he looked on evil simply as a mode through which he could realize his conception of the beautiful.
end of chapter 11 in dorian gray by oscar wilde (link)
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The comment above is basically correct.
Taken in context, Dorian Gray is fascinated with stories about people are beautiful and yet do terrible things. The balance between the macabre and the beautiful are fascinating to him and so he emerges himself in the stories so much, he has come to believe that the evil in someone is simply a filter in which to see the underlying beauty and fascination underneath. He does not see evil as "evil". There is not line between good and evil. Good and evil are to him the same. The more evil someone is, the more beauty they possess. It is a twisted outlook in life because Dorian Gray feels this way about himself. He does terrible things and indulges in hedonistic ways, but he knows he is beautiful and he knows people are fascinated with him regardless of his ways and those terrible decisions he makes just makes him look more fascinating and beautiful. It is a naive arrogance.
Hope this helps!
-Charlotte
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I'm 18/f. I'm a senior in High School. I'm ususally a fairly stable person, emotionally. But, lately (last month or so) I have been having really dramatic mood swings. One minute I'll be fine, then the next I'm ready to punch someone in the face, and the next I feel like I'm going to cry. My boyfriend and I did have unprotected sex...a few times, actually, but he pulled out. I've also been kinda stressed out b/c of H.S., I mean I'm really tired of H.S kids! The only thing making me think that these mood swings aren't because I'm pregnant is that I'm still getting my period...and I'm not gaining ANY kind of weight.
Anyway, I guess my question is: Do you think I'm pregnant or do you know any other reason for my mood swings?
Thanks to all answers! (link)
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Bottom line, you're probably not pregnant, but it would be best to be checked out. The obvious reason being that although a female cannot have a period and a pregnancy simultaneously, some women have reported spotting and/or a very light bleeding. It would be best to get it checked out, just in case.
Also, "coitus interruptus" is usually a high risk method as it:
requires great self-control, experience, and trust
is not for men who ejaculate prematurely
is not for men who don't know when to pull out
is not recommended for teens and sexually inexperienced men because it takes lots of experience before a man can be sure to know when he's going to ejaculate
Just so you know, most medical professionals consider "pulling out" as an ineffective method of birth control. It's like playing Russian Roulette with a nearly fully-loaded gun.
This is just information to why pregnancy would be more likely using this method, thus why you should seek a professional to test for pregnancy.
All that aside, remember that, the truth is, sexual intercourse (and pregnancy) is the closest a human can physically get to another person. With that comes emotional and mental responsibilities, whether we want to admit it or not. You are a senior in high school about to graduate and ready to mature and grow, and you should be proud of that. But sex complicates everything and this has certain results that are not always positive.
Being on the cusp of graduation has its own anxieties and this has to be taken into account. You are leaving the child's world behind and learning to become an adult and this generates feelings and great changes.
If you are worried about the mood swings and don't know how to deal with them, the best answer would be to talk to a professional counselor, even if it is for a bit. They will help you figure it all out.
I hope I was able to help and I hope everything works out!
-Charlotte
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My "bff" is driving me insane. She wants to be JUST like me!!! It is killing me because i want to be my own person, and i like for others to do the same.
She lies to me to make me think she is rich and everything.
trying to make me dislike my other friends so i will just hang out with her
Wears to tight clothes
Is getting the cell phone i have been dying for!!! So now i gotta find something else cause i am not going through with that AGAIN
HELP (link)
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It sounds as if your friend might be having self-esteem issues. It seems like if she becomes like you, the characteristics and traits she admires in you will be internalized. It also seems like she is trying whatever it takes to be accepted and recognized, even if it seems to be negative attention.
It is difficult because often the person does not even realize they are doing it. Self-esteem issues are deep within us and can only be overcome if we recognize and allow them to be overcome.
If her friendship is valuable to you, (and I like to think that it is, otherwise you wouldn't be having a problem) then shower her with kindness. If you are tired of her trying to isolate you and then copy you, include her in group activities. Show her that her friendship is important by including her, but show her that you have other friends too. Maybe she will be more comfortable and confident after a while and will learn to voice her own opinions and do her own things.
If she asks why you both don't do more alone, just let her know that you thought she would enjoy the group activities. If she pressures you to keep hanging out alone, tell her that you like to do things with other people too.
If she doesn't like it, she won't stay. Eventually she will stop trying and will find somewhere else to spend her time.
If you care about her, you won't ignore her, you will include her. If she has no intention of changing and wants you to change, show her that you do not want to do that. But be as kind as possible.
I hope this helps you out a bit. I know it's a tricky situation!
-Charlotte
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what does it mean for a guy when he is shaking your hand, using both hands, on to shake and another on top?
im female (link)
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The two-handed handshake is usually a sign of real affection (or the illusion of real affection) and is usually reserved for close friends and intimates. Historically, it was used to show that the person was unarmed, and today it has come to mean that the person is letting their guard down and being affectionate as opposed to just friendly or professional.
-Charlotte
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17/f
So im not expecting anything soon because im not dating or anything but im always worried that i have too much discharge n if i get fingered or something it will be all nasty to the guy. Is it bad to have too much? (link)
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Every female body is different and most women have some kind of vaginal discharge. Your normal discharge will change throughout your life. They are not unclean or unhealthy necessarily. Douching or cleaning upsets the pH balance and can lead to changes in discharges.
Things to be cognitive of:
If your discharge caused itching, swelling, has a bad odor, is green or yellow or grey in color, or looks foamy or like cottage cheese, you may have a vaginal infection.
If you have diabetes, take birth control, or take antibiotic medicine, that could also affect vaginal discharge.
The best way is to keep your self in clean underwear and don't worry too much about the discharge. You can always wear thin pads.
A side note: Fingers are hot beds for bacteria, which can extremely affect your vaginal area, so it is best to keep mouths and fingers away from that area. I'm just saying.
Hope this helps some,
-Charlotte
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i dont eat alot (just coffe with regular milk and celery and chicken for dinner)
my fingertips feel very cold like as though i put iceyhot on them.
why is this? (link)
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Agreed. Your circulation is poor probably because of your lack of vitamin C, E and Niacin. These vitamins are very important because they keep your blood flow moving sufficiently.
You need to vary your diet and consume more leafy green vegetables and citrus. Eating too much of any one thing is never good for your body.
Also, you need to drink about 8 glasses of water a day. This sounds generic but the truth is, if you only consume coffee, decaf or regular, your body will become massive dehydrated because your cells will expand to try and absorb as much water as it can to keep you alive. This will also slow down your circulation.
Hope this helps!
-Charlotte
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My best friend is a sweetheart. I mean, he's the nicest person ever in the world. He waits for me in classes, he carries my stuff, he treats me anything I want, he refuses to sleep unless if I sleep [like when its really late], he drives to pick me up sometimes after my afterschool activities to treat me ice cream, and many more. I always tell him "no matter how many thank yous I say, it'll never be enough for your kindness is beyond" however, he's very cold towards others. He's just the type who's mean on the surface but really sweet inside.
Few weeks ago, one of our closest friends talked to me because she was concerned bout my friendship, she said, "I doubt that he sees this friendship as just friendship" and afterwards, many people start coming up to me to tell me the same thing. I don't know what to do, whom to listen to, or what to say. A part of me thinks it's true that he's a bit too much for a best friend, and a part of me believes that he might have feelings for me, yet another part of me refuses to acknowledge that because I do not want to ruin our good friendship... but my friends get mad at me if I do not believe in them,, and well, it's getting really awkward now between me and my best friend because he feels some tension built between us due to my weird behavior around him lately... (link)
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The smartest thing to do in this situation is to be very clear where you stand. If you don't have romantic feelings for him, you need to be clear. You also shouldn't lead him on and let him treat you as a girlfriend if you are not going to return his affections.
Sure, you may enjoy the attention, but a guy who seeks out a girl and dotes on her is wanting to pursue a relationship and if you don't want one, you need to put an end to the situation. Hang out in groups, stop driving around with him alone, don't let him pick you up and take you out for ice cream. If he keeps wanting to hang around you, start inviting friends. If he still doesn't get a hint, you need to be more vocal about it. Be as pleasant as possible, but don't lead the guy on either.
The questions to ask yourself are whether or not you are with him because of what he does for you. If he's mean on the surface, does he treat your friends badly? Do they not like him? He might be trying to isolate you from them, and that's not healthy.
If you really care about him, you will be upfront and VERY clear on where things are going. He may not like the answer, but it is much worse if things keep going how they are and he is investing his time and effort in a lost cause. Be clear and upfront. TALK to him, don't expect him to read body language.
Hope this helps and it all works out!
-Charlotte
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Okay,
So If I am a graduate of a university, does it mean that I've completed my masters.... Because otherwise woudn't you be a undergraduate of a certain university.....
Because I'm trying to figure out how old this guy is and he's a "graduate of BU 2009"
Thank you (link)
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Agree with above. You could also just ask him. That would solve the problem better. :)
-Charlotte
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this boy a have a huge crush on at school well i love him to be honest. were not really freidns bt were also not enimes. he knows i like him andits quite obvious that he doesnt feel the sameway back to me and he also has a girlfriend. but then somedays i will walk pas himin the coridoor and he will follow me with his eyes and look over my way, but then somedays he will just totaly ignor me. im just so confused and i wont to get over him and forget about him but i cant becasue i love him and its preety hard seems as we go to the same school. any help please ? ''/ (link)
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Crushes are so difficult, aren't they?
First of all, you seem pretty bright. You recognize that he has a girlfriend and that he is aware that you like him, but he hasn't done anything to indicate that he is interested in you.
Most likely he is more self-aware now because he knows you like him and struggles with wanting to be pleasant and not leading you on, so he fumbles back and forth between staring at you and ignoring you.
Bottom line: he has a girlfriend and he doesn't want to leave her for you. And you know this.
And since it's impossible to be truly happy in a one-sided, unrequited relationship, you should continue to be pleasant, but leave him alone and find someone who can share a wonderful relationship with you!
Hope this helps and it all works out for you,
-Charlottte
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Hey there,
I sat my STAT exams and I got my results. I just have problems understandng what it means, whether I did well or terribly! Maybe I did terribly and I just don't want to accept that.. But anyways, My overall score is 149 and my percentile rank is 27.
I'm kind of scared, as I do want to go to university and all that.
So please help me, I'm getting worried.
Thanks.. (link)
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According to the STAT system, scores range between 100 and 200, 200 being the perfect score, and 100 being a zero. One does not technically FAIL the STAT. Your score places you at 149 on a 100-200 scale, and you scored higher than 27% of percentile. That's all I can help you with.
Hope it helps a bit!
-Charlotte
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i am getting ready to go into court to fight for custody of my daughter and i need to know how to defend both myself and her.
her "biological factor" impregnated me as a minor and he was 15 yrs older then me.(no i didnt know that)
he has only seen her twice in almost 4 years and one of those days was a court date
he claims he has an attorney but he filled out paperwork saying hes representing himself.
i have myspace messages and text messages of him saying i can have her
he is still lieing to me but if its one against one then i may not be able to prove it
please if you have any suggestions other then getting a lawyer i would love to hear them
and do you know if i can use the text messages and myspace messages? (link)
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I agree with the above answer, but also, do not converse anymore with him on the matter personally. Hire an attorney and have them mediate. The biggest trouble you can get in is communicating without an attorney. Record whatever you can, and make sure it is the truth. Judges will want proof, although they do take heresay into account.
What you should be thinking about is what is the most beneficial to your daughter. And you should express this to the judge. Do not bad mouth your husband in front of the judge, as this will only make them see you in a less flattering light. You want to be mature and persistent in expressing the best possible situation for your daughter. Always keep her and her well-being in mind and put her wishes before your own.
But yes, hire an attorney.
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I sent this letter to my momo 3 weeks ago with no reply yet. Should I do anything else? The letter is very long, please have patience I took the oppurtunity to write down all of their concerns.
All advice I recieve will be gratefully accepted
Dear Mom:
I’m writing this letter instead of talking to you face to face. I can’t begin to tell you how incredibly angry and hurt I am. When this first happened, I cried for 2 days straight. This whole table situation has been very enlightening to say the least. You see I’m not the kind of person who if told that the sky is clear, doesn't go out and check for myself. You completely and purposefully lied about the whole thing from day1. When you first told me that you had "given it away" you failed to tell me that you " gave it away to someone who was taking it to a thrift shop". Had I known that it had gone to a thrift shop instead of a person, I would have had a chance to recover it. When you were finally honest about it, it was because I pushed to get an answer. You continued to tell me how you were cleaning out the garage, and didn’t want it in there cluttering it up. When I said that it had sentimental value to me, you said in a completely rude manner " Well, it didn’t to me". Imagine my surprise when I spoke to Shannon Williams down at the Thrift Shop and she told me it wasn’t in the garage but rather on the side of the house and clearly had been there for quite some time. And if it couldn’t get any worse, she told me they found a package of papers that were in there and when they removed it, the picture came up with it and she had put it in the envelope and given it to Donna Mae to return to you. I distinctly recall when I asked you if you had at least taken the picture out, you said it was stuck to the table and could not be removed. According to Shannon the picture had already been removed and returned to you at the time I asked you. You more than likely tossed it and didn’t want to own up to it. If you didn’t think you had done anything wrong, you wouldn’t have lied about it. You clearly have no respect for my feelings. I can’t begin to tell you how absolutely hurt I was when it became clear that you have such disregard for me and my feelings. You still treat me the same way you did when I was growing up.
So, as such, I’m going to take this opportunity to make you aware of prior instances that occured during my childhood and teenage years which have left me emotionally scarred and for which I hold you responsible. Yes, Dad lived there too, but he and I talked over and worked out my long held concerns before his passing. The main thing for which I held him responsible was his knowledge of your deficiencies as a mother and his failure to intervene.
What do you think it does to a child to hear from one of her parents that their other parent is sleeping with every female on the block? This started with Kathy Collier when I was approximately 8 or 9 years old. I may have been younger but as soon as I knew what it was that you were talking about is when I became aware. These accusations continued through out my life while I was living in that house and, obviously, continue to this day. It reached an all time high when you got it in your head that Dad was sleeping with Maria. It all started with a phone call from you, saying that they were having an affair. Wanting to be fair, although I knew it was absolutely ridiculous, I called Dad over here on the pretense that something needed to be fixed. When I asked him point blank, his initial reaction was "Parents don’t discuss their problems with their children". When I pushed and prodded, I finally got him to talk to me. He was completely shocked that you actually believed such a thing. He said he had always been faithful to you and I believed him and still believe him especially with the events that followed. I thought you were just having " one of your moments". I was completely unprepared when I received phone calls from you and you made accusations of Maria walking into your bedroom from the front porch and saying " She wanted Ralph". In my 42 years, I have never known that sliding glass door in your bedroom to be opened or unblocked so people could walk in and out.
Do you remember your call to me where you said you heard giggling in my bedroom and women’s voices, but when you went to see what was going on, you were sooo groggy. I asked if you were insinuating that either Dad or Maria had drugged you and you said " I wouldn’t put anything past them" and that "they wanted to be able to openly do what they wanted to do without any interference". I knew something was definitely wrong. You actually believed what you were saying. Dad also told me that he would wake up in the middle of the night and you would be standing there watching him. These types of accusations continued until I said, “Enough, I've heard enough”, and stopped you whenever you brought it up. If that had really happened and Dad had really been unfaithful with all of those women, then why didn’t you leave? Women don’t remain in relationships where they are mistreated. Your roommate is a perfect example. Of your own admission, her live in boyfriend got back together with his high school sweetheart, moved out of town, and moved in with her, so Donna Mae got a job at Hospice and moved out. She wasn’t going to put up with such behavior so she left. There was nothing holding you back and stopping you from leaving. But you chose not to. No one believes or respects someone who has the opportunity to leave a bad situation and doesn’t. That is a big part of why I and others don’t believe your stories. The last 2 days of Dad's life, he asked me to tell you that he never did have a relationship with Maria. It was important to him that you be told that. He had no reason to lie, he knew what was coming. However I did not want to deal with your ridiculousness and I didn’t say a word. I told him, “Look, she’s never going to change and everyone already knows the truth so I’m not getting into that with her, its not your problem it's hers.”
Then came the morning when you had your " stroke". While in the hospital, Mike and I talked to your doctors and they said you kept changing your story. And there was no evidence of a stroke. When the doctor asked us....me, Mike, and Dad... if there was anything else going on, Dad mentioned the problems at home and how you were hearing things that weren’t happening and making wild accusations about him and a neighbor. When the hospital brought in a psychologist, you told her that you thought this neighbor was trying to harm you. You were then transported to MonteVista Hospital and spent 10 days in the psych ward. You were put on medication, and set up to counsel with a psychologist and psychiatrist upon discharge. You refused the medication and refused to continue treatment. I know of at least 3 psychiatrists you saw including Dr. Desmarais , Dr. Mortillaro, and a third, who’s name I don’t remember. Dr Mortillaro diagnosed you as being schizophrenic. I know this to be true because when Dad got sick, it was suggested to him by someone who knows you very well that since you had access to all of his medication to be careful. Upon taking additional steps, those documents which contained your diagnosis in them were disclosed to me upon his death just in case anything out of the ordinary happened. ( We'll discuss the “phone call” I got from you the last day Dad was at the house later in this letter.) Then you just quit telling your stories and life went back to what it was before that happened. However, you still think those things happened.
Let’s talk about school......that was another disaster. Take my homework for example. You always insisted on checking it, even through High School. When you would check it if it wasn’t done the way you thought was right I was bullied by you until it was changed. A perfect example was the time I had math homework, short division, and you decided that short division wouldn’t " teach me anything" so you made me do it over until it was done the way you wanted it done. Of course I got an F because it wasn’t done the way it was instructed. And then, once again, I got in trouble when I got home because I failed. Unbelievable. As this continued, my grades declined. Partly, because I was too embarrassed to hand in my assignments because it obviously wasn’t my work. So naturally, faced with failing grades, you and Dad were called into multiple parent teacher conferences. It was not until I was already married that I learned that in those meetings you were told that "the problem isn’t with your daughter, the problem is at home". Dad told Mike this when they were talking one time and, of course, Mike knowing how important that would be for me to know, told me. When I asked Dad, he confirmed it. Then there was always the next day after you had attended one of those meetings. I dreaded them because I knew what was coming. As soon as Dad left for work, it started, you would yell at me saying I'd "better straighten up because were sick and tired of constantly having to go down to the school because of your shenanigans" .
Then there was the issue of my personal appearance. Do you know how mean it was of you to stand there watching me get ready for school or anything else and tell me how vain I was because I spent too much time " in front of the mirror?" It would not matter if it was just 2 minutes, you would taunt and criticize me. Self respect is not a bad thing. People should take pride in their appearance.
When I got my first period at age 13.....instead of telling me what to do, such as talking to me about maxi pads or tampons, you started with a barrage of almost daily comments that if I ever got pregnant, I would be living on the streets because I would be disowned and You and Dad would never help me with anything. Thats very sick.
You used to blame me for everything. If something bad happened, I was obviously the one who was responsible. For years, you blamed me for breaking your toe because I set a can of tomatoes or something on the edge of the counter for you to knock over. You knocked it over not me. Mike explained that one to me. It was also pointed out when we were going to counseling that I didn’t have anything to do with that. You just chose to blame me for it. And I actually believed for a very long time that I had broken your toe. Now I know different.
How can any child who lives under those conditions possibly think anything else other than this parent clearly doesn’t like me. When I ran away it was because it was either that or I'd probably become suicidal. But, of course, you saw that as the ultimate opportunity to get rid of me. You stuck me in juvenile hall and told the counselors that I was to go to either Child Haven or a foster home and that I was not to come home. I wish I had been sent to foster care, at least someone would have been monitoring the people taking care of me. But then a few days later I was sent home due to my good behavior. Well, that didn’t work for you. I wasn’t home for 2 days when all the torment started again. Do you remember the last day I was home? You knocked me to the floor, got on top of me, and started choking me. I hope you remember because I have never forgotten. Then I went into the kitchen and you followed me and were screaming " I should have gotten rid of you when I had the chance". Out of frustration, I picked up a handful of silverware in the sink and threw it straight back down into the water . The silverware was covered in soapy water, and I had no idea what I was picking up. You took that opportunity to call the police and tell them I was throwing knives. Of course that resulted in my return to Juvenile Hall. It was at that time I knew I would never be able to trust you. I finally understood how you really felt about me. I wished I had the self respect and the courage to stand up and tell someone what you did to me, so that you could have been held accountable. But of course you will be held accountable for your actions in the end as we all will be. You have never and probably never will accept responsibility for your character defects. It’s always someone else’s fault.
I asked to go live with Theresa and her family or anyone who would let me stay with them. Your response to that was “No one wants you in their home pulling your shenanagans and they don’t even like you". I lived with that until about 7-8 months ago when I started asking questions and no one said those things. In fact, they would have loved to have had me. Luckily, I was able to stay at Ron and Shirley’s for awhile and, to be honest, I never wanted to leave. One of my goals when I got married and had a family was to have that kind of atmostsphere. Many, many times Michael has said "Well you always said you wanted it to be like Ron and Shirley’s and now you have it, you should be proud". And I am.
You denied me out of an extended family for 40 + years. All of my life it was very apparent how much you hated everyone in Dad's family. You didn’t just not like them, you hated them. To this very day you cannot cover your hatred towards them. It’s obvious on your face. Luckily, I had the hindsight to know you were wrong. They are some of the nicest people and I’m very happy to have them as family. Somewhere, somehow you got it in your head that it was “you against them.” Ridiculous. From as early as I can remember, you spewed absolute hatred anytime they were even mentioned. You even did that with your own sisters. To this day, whenever you talk about them your tone changes and your jealousy becomes apparent.
Remember when you wanted me to pay rent? What parent who has a child who’s working full time, paid for her own car, her own gas, own insurance, clothes, phone bill, etc. would charge their child for rent when she’s making minimum wage? When I told Dad about that he was astounded. He never knew anything about that. He said it was ridiculous and that he never would have enforced it.
Then, in addition, I can't count the number of times you would hound me with " Once you're out of this house you are never coming back". The truth is, I would have rather lived in a rat and cockroach infested trailer before I would move back into that house with you. Do you remember how you would unplug my phone whenever you felt like and not allow me any privacy while I was on the phone? You insisted on my door being open and you would stand out in the hallway and listen to every conversation. But I paid the phone bill, not you. You had no right to invade my privacy like you did. I can’t tell you how many times my friends would tell me how obviously twisted my mother was and that she clearly despised me. I didn’t have to tell them a thing, they saw it for themselves. You were known as the "psycho mom on Hassett." I wasn’t even allowed to go to the bathroom without you walking in "accidentally". In civilized societies, we knock on closed doors. In counseling, I learned your behavior was clearly controlling and abusive. Again, Dad had to take some responsibility and he did, but he didn’t know everything that went on in our house when he was at work. If he did, he would have put a stop to it. You always made statements that suggested that Dad knew what was going on and was ok with it. You denied me self respect and self esteem. It has taken me a lifetime to recover from the damage you have done to me. Do you really think Mike and I were in counseling for 3 ½ years because of his drinking? That’s what got us into it, but I also learned how emotionally damaged I was. It's amazing what I learned from therapy where I was taught by a professional what’s normal and what’s not. And which parent played which role. Who was the abuser and who let it happen.
For the record, Dad never did anything inappropriate to me, even though you constantly were asking me if he ever “ touched me". He would have died in a jail cell if he had because I would have had him arrested.
You always complained about how much you hated our house and how small it was, but you never did anything about it. You could have gotten a job and had more income coming in to get a larger home or add on to the one we had. Even with that, your excuse was " Ralph would send the money to his mother". She died when I was very young and that excuse doesn’t hold water. I have recently learned that you made accusations that Dad gambled the money away. Give me a break. You're extremely fortunate that he put up with your nonsense. I asked him why he didn’t get a divorce from you and he said he was brought up that marriage was forever and he had taken vows in front of God so he had an obligation to remain in the relationship. That’s very respectable thinking. But my personal opinion is you broke his spirit the way you broke mine. After he died and you gave me all of his Navy things, there were awards he was given for things he had done. Also in his things were newspaper articles about his various accomplishments and for which he was praised. Had that been my husband, I would have created a special place just for those awards and articles. I would have told it to anyone who would listen. But no, they weren’t even acknowledged. That is very sad. Now he has 3 homes where his memory and his accomplishments are displayed proudly; ours, Jon’s, and Judy’s.
Since Dad died, you’ve let our house go to hell. What person in their right mind lets their bathrooms get to a point where you have to pour buckets of water in the toilets after they have been used so that they flush? Your reasoning ? You wanted to remodel the kitchen. Unbelievable . It’s no wonder your sick all the time with the house in the condition it’s in. You like to say how much your house is worth, but the truth of the matter is, it would never sell without there being literally thousands of dollars of repairs being done first. Your shower has so much mold growing in it that the grout is black. That happens from neglect. Dad kept that house up when he was alive. When he got sick and couldn’t fix a few things himself, he set you up with who to call and what needed to be done. A phone call, all you needed to make was a phone call, but you couldn’t be bothered. Why? Because you wanted to spend the money on other things. On what you wanted to do, not what needed to be done. No one in their right mind would choose to live in those conditions. At least now you have a roommate who refuses to live that way.
In the past, Jon’s always stuck up for you. Of course he doesn’t know all of the things I’ve stated in this letter. He would say your just old or that maybe dementia has probably played a role in your behavior.
However, you may have noticed your grandson's "disapearance" over the last year and a half. The Christmas before last, Jon, knowing that you’re active in your church decided to get you a nice bible. He did all of the footwork himself including calling to find out which version the Church used. Not 5 minutes after opening it, you started with "I don’t like this and it doesn’t have this and that you were going to exchange it for another one. If you'll recall he walked out of the room saying " Well, I tried." and slammed the door behind him. After you left I went in to talk to him saying "Well maybe next year it will be different". His response was " Screw that, I’m not doin' that again." Apparently, you later decided to keep it, but you never once tried to tell Jon that. I was upset that he had been hurt but at the same time, I was proud that we had raised a son who would never let someone abuse his feelings and treat him like a doormat. I have never and I will never encourage him to have a relationship with someone who would have such disregard for his feelings. I don’t care what the relationship is. Neither have I said anything to discourage his relationship with you, he seems to be doing that all on his own. When you called and said you were selling double ugh he was beside himself. You seem to have no comprehension of why that is important to him. He and Dad had a lot of fun times in it and it doesn’t matter if he just wanted to sit in it for 10 minutes here and there. He wanted and still wants it. Now, who knows what you’ll do. So, if your smart, you'll do the right thing. Because he doesn’t know everything. I hope he never finds out either. I’m exhausted trying to run interference so you don’t tell him your stories about his grandfather. However, should you ever make reference to such things then that will be the the final nail in your coffin because he will hate you for telling him those things about his grandfather. Trust me on that one, I know my son.
Dad got the two of you into counseling, a few different times, and you called one day and said that Dad told you that you had been mean to me while I was growing up and he wanted you to apologize. You said “ I’m sorry for whatever I did to you.” Clearly you had no clue what you were apologizing for, nor that you even meant any of it. You were simply doing it because Dad asked you to.
I truly believe you don’t know how to love and I think you have some serious emotional problems. After Dad's funeral, more than a few people told me how totally inappropriate they felt your behavior was. Make no mistake, by no means are the people who talk to me about these issues in Las Vegas alone. A few of your own family members are aware of your inappropriate behavior. I wasn’t a bit surprised to learn that, as a child, you used to bang your head against the wall, and use your health to get attention. You still do that. You also never show emotion. You smile at everything. I’ve never seen you cry. Dad was married to you for 49 years and he never saw you cry. That’s not normal.
Whenever you refer to anything within or outside of the house which the family has accumulated, its alway’s " mine". It's never "ours" or "our family's". Its always "mine". There is no "mine" in a family. And you never in my lifetime contributed to any financial aspect at all. You also made huge expenditures without even speaking to Dad ( ie: the $18,000 organ that sits in the front room.) Dad opened the bill one day and showed it to me so there’s no denying it. Whenever Dad needed cash for something, he always had to ask you. From what I remember, whenever he wanted to buy a new gun or parts for his engines, it was always only a few hundred dollars, and he was always made to feel like he was " throwing away money". Again, you are lucky he tolerated such nonsense. In our home, expenditures over $100 are discussed first. Not because we have to. Its out of respect, also, we are a team and we work together.
I feel you are a total hypocrite. You put on this persona of a sweet little church lady. Outside of anything having to do with the church, you are a totally different person. If you were to unfortunately go tomorrow, the God I believe in would never let you into his home. Those who are fortunate to “go there” after this life, have lead a good, honest and sincere life. A huge part of why I have doubts, regarding religion, is solely because of the way religion was represented by you in our house. On Sundays, you'd put on a smile, go to church, but then the rest of the week it’s ok to be a bad person. That’s hypocritical.
If not for Dad, I’m not even sure if I would grown up with Santa or the Easter Bunny or other icons having to do with holidays. You never even got out of bed to be a part of any of those things. I learned at a young age, in most homes, Mom’s did all of those things, not because they had to, but simply because they wanted to. In my mind, that's another example of your feelings towards me.
While Dad was alive, he would tell me how Leon made comments about how he married into a “sick ,sick ” family.
Obviously, something happened for him to have the hindsight to be aware of it. For him to make those comments to Dad, he also had to be aware that things with you were not “right” when he was down here visiting.
When I had surgery for cancer, you did some things that were completely just cruel. As I was being brought back to my room immediately following surgery, the very first thing you told me was, “I’m sorry about your dog”. You had to have known, I had no idea what you were talking about since there was no possible way I could have been told prior that moment. The morning after I had my surgery, I woke up to have a minister standing beside me. Considering that I had just had surgery to remove cancer, you can only imagine what went through my mind. Thinking the worst, when Mike arrived at the hospital, and I told him, he was frantic. To this day, he can’t believe how thoughtless you were. Had I not reminded Dad of that incident before his surgery, that very thing would have gone through his mind as well. Of course, the exact same scenario unfolded right after he had surgery. He was, at that time terminal, but at that time no one knew that.
Last Christmas, something was mentioned about going to the cemetery to see Dad. You mentioned that you only go when you are here for the holidays. I had always had a suspicion that you never went regularly. When you confirmed it I was sick to my stomach. You were married to the man for 49 years and you don’t have the common decency to visit him more that once or twice a year? I’ve only been married for twenty-one years and I can’t imagine not going on a regular basis. For that matter I can’t imagine ever getting into another relationship. You,on the other hand, started mentioning getting re-married not even 6 months after Dad died. Unbelievable.
I can’t begin tell you how shocked I was when, after Dad died, I began to receive phone calls from friends and family members regarding your Christmas Letter. I have never read them, but clearly it comes across that you’ve never been happier and that you no longer have to slum in the motor home. Now you get to travel all of the time “first class”. Again, these are family members, not just friends. They all have the same opinion after reading your letters. What do you think the opinion they have of you is, as regards the way you have acted since Dad died? It’s not a good one. You clearly don’t appreciate anything. You are completely ungrateful.
Speaking of when Dad died, I want you to recall the last day he was at the house. I want you to remember the phone call you made to me stating that Maria had gone around to the neighbors saying you were drugging Dad and giving him too much morphine. A sick feeling ran through me so I drove down to see if things were ok. Imagine the horror that went through me when I walked into the house and he was completely catatonic. You made things worse for yourself when the paramedics took Dad to the hospital. They told you to bring his medication. When you arrived there and were asked to hand it over, your response was that you had flushed it down the toilet. Considering he had been hospitalized three times prior, there was no reason to think that he wouldn’t be coming home this time also. When I said “What about when he gets home?,” you seemed at a loss for words and then finally said “Well, I guess we’ll have to get more”. Ever since then, many times I have wanted Mike to send for his toxicology records. I didn’t, after Dad died, because Dr. Shoemaker told us “even if he gets through this, he’s never going to beat this cancer”. You said Maria told the neighbors that you were abusing Dad’s medication. Would the neighbors confirm that? If I called them, will they tell me that really happened? I’m not the only one who thinks this. The morning you called, before I headed down there, I called both Ron and Shirley and Phyllis and Gerald because I wanted to see if they had been down there the day before or that morning. Of course with the events that followed they were immediately suspicious. They are not the only ones I talked to. I called Mike at work. Not being there I talked to Gary, who happens to be a very good family friend as well as one of Mikes business partners. He offered to meet me down at your house, not knowing what I was going to walk into. I declined his offer. I never thought you would ever do such a thing, even though Dad and I were both warned to be careful around you with his medication because this person “knew what you were capable of”. The truth of the matter is I’m not sure what happened that morning, I just know the whole thing makes me sick. I was willing to let these things that haunt me go. All you had to do was do the right thing and "play nice". When you become an adult and have children, you have a responsibility to bring them into a secure, healthy environment. You've had many, many more chances than you probably deserved. You had to have known you had psychological problems. It is obvious to so many people. When I moved out of the house, I was constantly asked "What the hell is wrong with your mom?" Everyone seemed to ask me that, from friends to family members who have known you for all or most of your life.
In light of everything I've set forth above, it is clear that our mother-daughter relationship, as well as your continued relationship with Mike and Jon, now teeters at a fragile and precarious crossroad. Simply stated, the status quo is no longer acceptable to me.
Although I don't like ultimatims, I offer you one none the less. Although no child ever wants to terminate a relationship with a parent, there do exist circunstances where, as here, such a choice presents itself as being the only viable option. The easiest thing for me to do would be for me to completely disassociate from you, move on with my life and hope that the continuing passage of time helps to mend my wounds, emotional and otherwise, which I have been caused to suffer by you. In such a scenario we would simply go our seprate ways with no further communications or time spent with each other.
However I cannot lose sight of the fact that, despite your many deficiences and shortcomings, you are still my only surviving parent. My proposal to you is as follows: I believe you are sincerely in need of professional assistance. I believe you need intensive counselling and, most likely, a regimen of additional medication. You will also need to be honest with yourself as regards your prior misdeeds and I hope my letter will be of assistance to you in focussing on how you and I have gotten to the point where we find ourselves today.
If you take action to improve yourself as both a person and a parent, I will give significant reconsideration to my present decision to completely terminate our mother-daughter relationship. Until you take such action, this is precisely where our relationship stands. I don't want you to call me or Mike or Jon. I don' want you to come to our house nor to visit Mike at work. Such actions on your part will result in the harshest of possible responses, both legal and otherwise.
I do invite you to write to me (point: for the time being, all communications between you, I and my family are to be in writing) and share your thoughts, if any, as regards the matters addressed in this letter as well as to advise me as to whether you have any desire to correct and re establish our relationship and what steps you've taken or intend to take to effectuate these changes.
The proverbial "ball now rests in your court." It is solely up to you to take responsibility for your misdeeds and to mold the future into the way in which you would like to live out your final years.
I pray that God will be with you as you look back on your life as a mother, wife and person and will also be there to assist you in now making the decisions which will determine the manner in which you'll now live out your final years.
I hope you will guide yourself accordingly,
p.s. I will be returning your housekeys to Donna Mae at her workplace, so as to preclude any notion that we are entering your home in your absence. If you do choose to write me back, please acknowledge your receipt of the housekeys.
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First of all, I am not a licensed psychologist, psychiatrist, or counselor, but I will do my best to help you!
By the contents of your letter, it seems as if your mother suffers from mental illness. This mental illness has caused a lot of difficulties growing up and has left you with a unfulfilled void in your life. You are angry, sad, hurt, and worried about your mother.
Now that you have sent the letter, I would not attempt to say any more. You have said everything you feel and even if she does not reply, if she does not read the letter or if she does, there is nothing more you can do. You have said your peace.
My advice would be to talk to a professional. They can help you gather your feelings and find a way to cope with this hurt you feel. And you should know that it is not your fault.
Your mother has proven difficult in maintaining a healthy relationship with you due to her mental illness and until she gets the proper help and guidance for it, there is nothing she can do for you.
You must work on growing stronger as an individual and able to cope with not being able to HAVE your mother apologise or fill the emptiness you feel.
A professional will surely help you in that. But as for communication, I wouldn't send her any more letters. You have said your peace. Now it is time for both of you to heal.
Hope that helps and hope it works out for you,
-Charlotte
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15/f
*sigh* sorry if it's long, I'll try to make it brief.
Okay, so last summer the love of my life died. He was the best b/f ever and I knew I wanted to marry him and spend forever and more with him. The thought tragically ended when he was hit by a drunk driver--he didn't even make it too the hospital :'( . Ever since then, I have not been able to have feelings (like a crush) for any guy at my school. I know at least two guys that like me, and they are really great but my mind keeps picking at the things that annoy me about them and I just can't have feelings back.
Well, I haven't had any crush or any feeling at all since September--until now. I'm starting to like one of my guy friends and I think he kind of likes me. The problem is, whenever we get close or make physical contact I feel this terrible guilt. It's like a stabbing pain and I can't get past it. I want to be able to form a relationship but everytime I get close or even think about my friend I feel like I'm commiting murder or something. It's so bad it has come to the point where I burst out crying when he hugged me. I can't control it. I don't know what to do. Please help. (link)
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First of all, I am sorry for your loss. It is quite hard to begin healing after someone close to you has died.
Secondly, you are still grieving over that loss, which is perfectly normal. Everyone goes though the stages of grieving at different paces.
It seems to me that you are still in the depression stage. This is not to necessarily say that you are clinically depressed. For what you said, you feel guilty for moving on in your life when you remember your feelings for the loved one who died. It makes you sad to remember those times and you personalize the situation as if your friend is watching you and can see you moving on and you feel guilty.
There is nothing wrong with this. But I am proud of you for WANTING to move on.
First of all, I personally don't think that you are ready for a relationship. You are still grieving and how can you give attention to another person if you are still grieving? You should let the process of healing run its course and if your new potential relationship really cares for you, they will understand and be a friend. However, I think it is too soon for you to be IN a relationship just yet.
You are not betraying your friend by wanting to be in another relationship. That friend would want you to be happy and healthy. They would not want to see you sad and lonely.
The best thing is to talk to someone, like a professional. Even if it's just for a bit, it will help move you along the process of healing and the stages of grief until you reach acceptance, which means you understand that you have to move on and you will be MENTALLY READY to move on. You have understood that you must move on, and you want to, but you aren't ready just yet, and a professional counselor will definitely get you there.
Until you are healed, it is not a good idea to be in a relationship, as the strain of being with someone else will inhibit your progress. This is not to be crass or mean, but it is the truth. A true and healthy relationship is one where both individuals are committed to each other and can share the joy and comfort of the relationship. If you are still grieving and cannot fully enjoy the relationship, and he is giving all he can, it will put a strain on the happiness of your relationship. Hopefully he will understand that you need more time. If he can wait, that is good, but I wouldn't date him until you are through your grieving. It is not fair to either of you to not be 100% committed to each other. Besides, how happy would you be if you couldn't give him all your wonderful, happy self?
Yes, a professional would be the best way to go. Find a grief counselor and they will help you continue your healing process.
I hope this helps and I hope it all works out for you.
-Charlotte
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okay so im a gurl and alot of guys think im hot but they never ask me out. when my friends ask them whats up with that.. they go i think shell say no and they are scared. but the thing is, i think i put this wall up and i dont no why. like i cant talk to guys i get all nervous and stuff so maybe the reason i make them think that i am to good for them is cuz im really scared myself. will i ever over come it beccause it drives me insane!!! and if i will over come this how?? please helpp!! (link)
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If you are nervous about talking to guys, get to know them first before even thinking about a relationship. You have to be confident in who you are and able to be yourself without anyone else. Try going out with your friends and doing group activities like theme parks and coffee shops. If you are interested in one particular guy, do a lot of group activities with that person until you get to know them. The more you are around someone, the easier it gets to talk to them. Also, if they are around you more, they will begin to know you and know when they get that appropriate point when they can ask you out.
You want to be a friend to a guy before a girlfriend. If you are looking for just romantic passion, you will be disappointed in the times when it's not passionate. You want to be able to talk to a guy and carry on conversations with one if you want to see if you are compatible.
You will find that person, and I hope you will gain the confidence!
Hope that helps and hope everything works out!
-Charlotte
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Hey..sorry its soo long i hope you can help im the one usually giving advice if you ever need some ask me!
I hav been going out for this guy let's call him Josh for almost 10 months. We hav an amazing relationship and he really is my best friend. We have one problem his ex girlfriend is insane. She is obssesed with him and there is a long story behind that but just to make it short she is jealous and she wants him and her and I got into a big thing. I don't liek to start things and i do stand up for myself but i don't liek having enemies. About 2 weeks ago. My boyfriend started treating me like crap. This is 2 weeks ago: Saturday night we got into a fight because his ex's friends were starting stuff with my friends. I told him that i didn't know if i cood take i anymore. We weren't on the best page. Since it is summer we don't see eachother that much he went to camp before these 2 weeks and now he's on vacation. SO back to Saturday so that happened then on Sunday we talked and he was mad and upset. On monday we were planning to see eachother on tuesday but my friends messed it up. Also on monday we had a long talk about his ex and hwo i feel like he doesn't stand up for me like he should. When our plans got ruined for tuesday i was upset but it seemed like he didn't even care. On tuesday he called me at night and we didn't talk much but i asked him what he did today and he said nothing and that he's been thinkin about alot. I got a little worried. Well anyways Wedneday came n i went to my friends house with him and all my friends.I decided to just forget about everything because he was leaving that friday and i thought it would be the last time i would see him so i wanted it to be good. It somehow came up and he wanted to talk and said that i don't feel like he is really intersting and all that and he simply told me that he was just thinking that the relationship is getting too serious as in commitment wise. I understood because we are still young but how could he tell me he loves me if he doesn't wanna be with me. Well anyways on thursday i found out that on wednesday night he slept at his friends house and he did a camera thing with one ofmy friends theyw ere all joking but he told her to pull her shirt down more so her boobs would show. It's so hard to even write this because he's so not like this. On thursday night i found out earlier that day his ex adn her friends came over to swim with his friends. Just to amek it short on friday i saw him for 2 minutes and i was planning on talking to him about it but he could opnlys tay for like 5 minutes. He was being an ass and he just left and said i love you bye. He's on vacation right now and i don't know what to do when he comes back. Thanx for reading this .What should i do? I'm 14 and a girl.lol
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Now, obviously I don't know what your relationship is like, but I think it is safe to say that you are no longer happy.
As for his ex-girlfriend, if he wanted her back, he would take her back. Boyfriends cannot be stolen. Boys make a decision and go with it. If he wants his ex, he will choose her. Nothing she says or does will ever "make" him do anything he doesn't want to do. So if you trust him, she means nothing to your relationship.
It seems to me that he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. He is displaying this by cutting you out, not talking to you, and doing things that you feel invade your relationship. His friends are fighting with your friends, you're fighting with him, he's fighting with you, his ex-girlfriend is fighting with everyone. Doesn't this seem like a toxic relationship?
Every relationship takes work. There are ups and downs, but if you are struggling to keep a relationship and it makes you unhappy, one must wonder why one keeps going. Being with someone should be easy and make you happy. Sure, there are moments that you have to work through, but you should not be constantly fighting.
If someone really loves you, REALLY loves you, they want you to be happy and they will do whatever it takes to make you HAPPY. Love is selfless not selfish. It goes both ways. And we have to be strong individuals in order to maintain healthy relationships.
If you're not happy and he's not happy, and he's telling you that he doesn't want a committed relationship, I think it's safe to say that you should let him go.
This will be most disappointing to hear, but the truth is, we are humans who make up our own minds and nobody can force you to stay in love with him any more than you can force him to stay in love with you. If he wants out, let him out.
A guy who really wants you, will let you know he wants you and only you. If he doesn't do anything about past girlfriends that keep popping up, then he obviously is alright with them being around, otherwise he would say something.
As for your friends and yourself, leave him, his ex, and his ex's friends alone. Separate yourself from them as much as possible and be as polite and pleasant as you can if you HAVE to be around them. Stay as far away as you can so you don't continue this toxic environment. Because let's face it, it's toxic: For you, for him, for his ex, for her friends, and yours. Nobody is happy. Be the bigger person and get out of it all.
If he really wants you, he will come around on his own. If he does, let him know that you're not okay with his ex hanging around because you feel like it inhibits your relationship with him. Leave it at that. If he doesn't make the problem go away, don't stay in the situation. You have a right to be happy. If you stay in it just to keep him happy, you are feeding his selfishness.
Stand up for yourself, even if there isn't a confrontation. Prove that you don't need someone to be happy. You will find that while it may not be as exciting, it certainly is not as toxic.
Hope that helps and hope everything works out for you.
-Charlotte
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i had 3 cups of coffe with half and half milk
celrey
sum meat
and very little fiber one with skim milk
is it ok if i eat more cerela?
will i gain weight?
i havnt been eating for this past week (link)
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Not eating is the worst thing that you can do for your body. Your body requires fuel to survive. Your body, when refused the fuel, will start saving everything it has to keep the functions of your body working correctly. If it continues to not get fuel, it will start eating the reserves of the fat you have. Everybody has to have fat. It protects the bone structures and vital organs. If it runs out of the fat, your body will start using anything it has to fuel the body. It will keep doing it until your body cannot function anymore. This is why people can die from anorexia. Your body has literally run out of fuel and will start eating itself.
Bottom line, you must eat. YOU MUST EAT. You may not like it, but your body requires it. You cannot stop the way your body runs.
Good news, there are things you can eat that will keep you healthy. To be healthy, you need to keep the proper body fat ratio. A professional will tell you. Don't go by what is on the scale Pounds don't mean anything if you don't know your body fat index. It is specific for your age and height. Once you have a goal body fat index, you can work for it.
The goal should be to be healthy. Being skinny is not ideal because there are plenty of people who are skinny who are not healthy.
Eating a balance of foods will keep your body functioning. If you are wanting to lose some weight, you have to burn more calories than you are consuming. That is the "secret" that all diets forget. It doesn't matter what you cut out or only eat. It doesn't matter what you refrain from. Crash diets work but they don't last. Consistent fat loss and healthy lifestyles are just that...lifestyles.
The thing is to eat the proper servings but don't feel full. Your body needs to burn what it consumes and store away only what it needs.
You will need a lot of fiber as it helps the body flush out everything. Whole grains are perfect for this. So are many fruits and veggies. Certain meats are good for you. Pork products are not healthy and cause a lot of health problems. All white meat chicken is decent for you. Red meat will bulk you up and is not very healthy either. Grilled meat is probably the best way to go.
The key is moderation. Too much of any one thing can be bad for you.
Caffeinated products are not healthy because they provide the body a stimulant and you retain water as well as empty calories.
Moderation is the key.
According to the list above, you have eaten an unbalanced diet. More brown rice or grain should be consumed. Fiber one is a good breakfast, but put some banana or freshstrawberries on top.
Eat some green vegetables or carrots with your meat and stay away from the coffee.
Remember, remember, to drink a LOT of water. Above all things, your body needs water to hydrate. It doesn't matter if you eat healthy, if your body is dehydrated, your organs will not function correctly.
Please do not go without eating. It is THE WORST thing you can do for your body.
I hope everything goes well for you and I hope this helps!
-Charlotte
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female/16
On my, is it called genitals? The front area, like where your pubic hair is. I have a, pimple looking thing on it, to my far left, almost at where my leg bends (bikini edge line?).
I've gotten a 'pimple' down there before once in a while, but it's like the same colour as my skin. No big, it goes away.
But this one has become pinkish red, and it hurts really badly, and it has a black dot in the middle (I thought it was an ingrown hair at first but now, I guess not).
I want to go to the doctor but...I'm not sure. Like I'm super nervous about letting him even look down there and I'm not sure if it's because of a normal reason or if it's just because he's a guy.
I am totally pro health and if my friend was in my situation, I'd absolutely agree on going to the doctors to get it checked. But for me, I'm not sure.
Maybe it's normal and someone has a name for it? Then I'd be embarrassed to go to the doctors for it, look at it, and it turns out that it's nothing! But what if it's serious or something like herpes (I'm not even involved sexually with anything =/) or turns into a large mole when I'm older?
The secretary for my doctor has to know what I'm going there for so I don't really want to tell her either because she's always gossiping and I don't want her to give me 'that look' when she sees me because she knows what I’m going in for.
Hopefully, it's not bad and someone here knows what it is, an idea, or even had it before, but thanks in advance for the advice. (link)
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First of all, don't be embarrassed to go to the doctor. They have endured years and years of medical school and are completely professional. They have seen or heard all sorts of things and this won't phase them a bit. If you are still uncomfortable, so to a OBGYN specialist and make it a woman. You will find that they will answer any questions and are happy to help you out.
The "pimple" could be anything. If you are not sexually active, most likely is a mole. If it hurts it could be an actual pimple or a boil. A boil is a hard knot underneath the skin of pus. Sometimes they have dark circles at the head. People often get all sorts of bumps and pimples on their pubic regions, but everyone seems to be afraid to say anything because of embarrassment.
My advice is to make an appointment for a female OBGYN and get it looked at. Odds are it is nothing and it will ease your mind.
Hope that helps,
-Charlotte
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