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Friends friends
My best friend is a sweetheart. I mean, he's the nicest person ever in the world. He waits for me in classes, he carries my stuff, he treats me anything I want, he refuses to sleep unless if I sleep [like when its really late], he drives to pick me up sometimes after my afterschool activities to treat me ice cream, and many more. I always tell him "no matter how many thank yous I say, it'll never be enough for your kindness is beyond" however, he's very cold towards others. He's just the type who's mean on the surface but really sweet inside.
Few weeks ago, one of our closest friends talked to me because she was concerned bout my friendship, she said, "I doubt that he sees this friendship as just friendship" and afterwards, many people start coming up to me to tell me the same thing. I don't know what to do, whom to listen to, or what to say. A part of me thinks it's true that he's a bit too much for a best friend, and a part of me believes that he might have feelings for me, yet another part of me refuses to acknowledge that because I do not want to ruin our good friendship... but my friends get mad at me if I do not believe in them,, and well, it's getting really awkward now between me and my best friend because he feels some tension built between us due to my weird behavior around him lately...
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
The smartest thing to do in this situation is to be very clear where you stand. If you don't have romantic feelings for him, you need to be clear. You also shouldn't lead him on and let him treat you as a girlfriend if you are not going to return his affections.
Sure, you may enjoy the attention, but a guy who seeks out a girl and dotes on her is wanting to pursue a relationship and if you don't want one, you need to put an end to the situation. Hang out in groups, stop driving around with him alone, don't let him pick you up and take you out for ice cream. If he keeps wanting to hang around you, start inviting friends. If he still doesn't get a hint, you need to be more vocal about it. Be as pleasant as possible, but don't lead the guy on either.
The questions to ask yourself are whether or not you are with him because of what he does for you. If he's mean on the surface, does he treat your friends badly? Do they not like him? He might be trying to isolate you from them, and that's not healthy.
If you really care about him, you will be upfront and VERY clear on where things are going. He may not like the answer, but it is much worse if things keep going how they are and he is investing his time and effort in a lost cause. Be clear and upfront. TALK to him, don't expect him to read body language.
Hope this helps and it all works out!
-Charlotte
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There is no such thing as a guy who follows a 14 year old girl around and does things like treating you to ice cream and waiting for you after classes who is "just a friend". He is trading you affection expecting you to develop feelings for him. This is creepy, because in his eyes its the things he does that should make you want to date him, and not who he is.
Your friend is dysfunctional and I can say (as a guy who's a good bit older than both of you) that he has feelings for you with absolute 100% certainty. Your friends are correct, and they're expressing concern because as I said, he's a bit creepy.
He will continue to do these things for exactly as long as it takes for you to be interested, or for you to tell him to leave you alone and make it clear you are not and will never be interested in him.
Remember this behavior, and this guy. This is what those of us who are socially functional call "the Nice guy". The nice guy seems like your best friend while quietly cursing the fact that "you just don't notice what's in front of you". They buy your affection with actions and only do these things because the want/expect something in return.
He's not sweet, he's calculating. Everything he does around you is designed to try to make you like him as more than a friend. I don't have much in the way of good advice to offer you, but I CAN tell you that dating him would be terrible for both of you. He won't be anywhere near as sweet when dating you (because he won't feel a need to constantly try to impress you anymore) and you should notice and pay attention to how he treats others whom he isn't trying to impress for clues as to what he would be like if you put him in a situation where he doesn't feel the need to try for you.
You don't have a good friendship, and I know that its not fair to you to realize that, because girls are never at fault in situations like this. Its obsessive behavior, he's fixated on you and is going to keep coming and he's going to consider you "leading him on" as long as he gets any positive feedback. Every time you smile at him, every time you treat him like a friend, he takes it as affirmation that he's doing what he's supposed to be doing to win your heart. When your heart never gets won, he's going to start resenting you more and more, and he's going to start thinking things like "she's using me" and such.
Its all self deception so that he doesn't have to accept that he's not attracting anyone and that buying someones affections by following them around and buying them shit is not how you form romantic relationships.
Its going to get more awkward. Start making it clear that you aren't interested. If there is someone who you are interested in, start showing it. This isn't a fun situation, and every time you let him do something for you you're sending him "maybe you have a shot with me" messages. Again, its not your fault, he's just going to take anything you do that isn't mean as a sign that you are interested in him.
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It does sound like he has feelings for you. And you shouldn't ruin a friendship just because they like you. I know it sounds weird but just talk to him about it. He does care about you a lot and you shouldn't ruin it. So just talk to him about it. Maybe he doesn't like you. You never know until you ask him.
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